[Normal] ""Dark and foreboding. A stirring tale that shows us that even those touched by darkness can shine" -Pre-reader #12
This post just got really big, so everything can be found after the break!
equestriadaily 
I just want to point something out with the intro pic, mainly in Nightmare's Mane(Fic is fantastic, by the way): Pinkie Pie. PINKIE PIE.SHE LOOKS LIKE A FISH.
In the pic: Do I spy the small healthpack from TF2? Was this intentional?
So SS and DT tie for biggest jerks in Equestria with Prince Blueblood in a distant third. That's right, SS and DT tie for first and second place.Few fics are made that keep me hooked. I patiently await your next chapter good sir/mad'am. Thank you for sharing it with us.
Thank you for introducing me to my new favorite musical instrument, the glass harp.
The glass harp link was PERFECTLY placed!I read the ending of chapter 1 with the glass harp playing in the background and it was… mystical.
I have fallen in love with this fanfic, it takes a bit before Nyx shows up but for those with short attention spans keep reading!Nyx is an adorable OC and just thinking of Nightmare Moon born again as a Filly Alicorn is enough to warrant curiosity as you watch her experience life in a way she never could of imagined doing in her past life.Now will vengeance rear it's ugly head? will Celestia banish this potentially dangerous Filly to the Moon? How will Nyx and Twilight deal with these questions and more as Nyx has 'awoken' to her past Sins, and Twilight's motherly instincts conflict with her knowledge that Nyx is ever more maturing more into the Mare she refused to believe was her precious Nyx.This is going along so well, my heart sank when I was unable to click to chapter 4 =(I can't wait to see how this turns out.P.S. That picture says a thousand words and I was so surprised it was made for this story! I LOVE the expression as a conflicted and seemingly torn Nightmare 'Nyx' Moon remembers her past life and the things she's done in repayment to those who showed her such kindness.What is up with Rainbow Dash though and a Trixie hat?! was Trixie in the fight? did Rainbow get her head chopped off? I can hardly make sense of that one part of the picture!Needless to say I LOVE this and the art great job fantastic job!
Dear sweet Mother Earth. This is amazing. I don't know if you got either of my e-mails but your writing leaves mine looking like garbage. I applaud you most sincerely.CLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAP
I loved your work with the Alan Wake crossover, and I LOVVVVE this story. Nyx makes me hnnnnnng at levels paralleling Applebloom or Fluttershy. I can't believe I almost missed this one.
Either you update this or im going to go to your house and… Cut you.
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
GOD DAMNIT!!! Right as I'm about to go to bed, you just HAD to post this. So long, remaining 3 hours of available sleep time…
Will not read new chapters until tomorrow- I value my sleep too much.Love the comic- its cute and captures the essence of the story (so far) perfectly.
3 updates at once and it's past 2 am here. Let's do this.
Three more chapters +comic!?yay~
The Image is amazing, it's way better than a one tiny trailer pic which just shows 1 scene as opposed to multiple scenes
Anybody know if this story has a tropes page yet? If it doesn't, we should make one.
Umm yea about the last picture.WHY WOULD YOU DO THEEEEESE!!?!?!?!?!?!!?!!p.s DONT DO IT DONT DO IT DONT DO IT!!!p.p.s NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO!p.p.p.s NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE p.p.p.p.s QQ QQ QQ QQ
HOLY FUCKING SHIT Why is Twilight getting executed and where can i find that particular scene ಠ_ಠ?
God damn it author….I thought i was going to sleep tonight turns out NOPE you just had to go posting more chapters.
I FUCKING LOVE THIS!!! I swear when I saw the new chapters out I got very…giddy I cant wait for more LITERALY, now where is my time machine
Just read the scene with the fillies talking about the pinkie promise. I think my mouth and/or brain is broken, since I can't quite talk due to the delicious absurdity that is Pinkie Pie.
Take my stars all of them!!We are not worthy/bow /grovel /bow
This story is just tugging away at my heartstrings like a pro. Good work so far on it.
I thought I just died and went to pony heaven when I saw those new chapters! READING TIME! BTW have all my stars 100/5
WOMG! My heart sank yes by not being able to click to chapter 4 but to release THREE updates AND a comic??? I LOVE YOU! OMG I WISH other authors were this passionate about the stories they put up that get updated once in a blue moon XDWell off I go to continue this epic tale before I pass out from sleep deprivation! (I blame you but in a good way!)
Dat cliffhanger….
I just finished chapter 6.I have to say, this marvelously touched my heart.Everyone is in character, and the relationshipbetween Nyx and Twilight is so adorable.Waiting for the next chapter will be painful!
Zis ez Batty Gloom, aszistant und editor to Pen Stroke. Let me say zat we are very happy und humbled by ze rezponse zis story had gotten. I know Pen Stroke quiet vell, so I knew ze story would be vell-received….but I had no idea et would be ZIS vell-received!So, I ask…ez mien gud fhriend Pen Stroke credit to Brony community yet?(Und ignore mien new "German" accent…et ez one of mien zings naow.)
Boy Howdy did that Play have me on the Edge of my seat. I was like "oh snap is Nyx gonna go full Nightmare?" But she didn't all in al the play was cute and I would love to see some artists depict some scenes from it.Great updates can't wait for the next one.
4 stars yesterday, 6 stars today. Hell yah it deserves it!
Seriously, Pen, just what is it that you want from me?Stars?Money?Internets?Manly tears?BECAUSE YOU FREAKIN' HAVE THEM ALREADY! ALL OF THEM!!! WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!
The simple fact that I know the artist and the author alone gets this a five from me.
@SethistoZank you, Seth! Zat means a lot to me und Pen Stroke! Oh, he will be so excited tomorrow vhen he vakes up!
I FUCKING HATE YOU! I hate you because my stories will never get 6-stars and you have more talent than I will ever have. What's more is that you won't even read this comment and I am pretty much just screaming into the wind, so what does it matter. YES, I'm jealous and YES your story is really really good. It's better than what I can make with all my effort and I HATE you for it. And don't you dare feel sorry for me! The minute you do that I'll have an opening to cut your throat. That is what people like me do. We hate those who do better than us, and we try to get rid of them. There is no real point in trying to use that effort to improve our talent since we won't be as good as you. So we'll target you. NO, I won't tell you who I am, and YES, this is a grudge. My only wish for you is to die instantly in a car crash so that there is one less reminder in the world of how much I fail at what I try to do.
Love your work. I can't wait for the next chapters to be posted. I love little Nyx. Best OC pony ever.
@Anonymous Okey Dokey Loki
This is a Nightmare Moon fanfic. it is made of win and awesome.And adorable.
Shit. Shitshitshitshitshitshitshit. Guys, I just realized we have a MASSIVE problem on our hooves:[minor spoilers]I don't know which of Twilight's kids is more adorable, Nyx or Midnight! It's an impossible choice![/spoilers]
Pinkie Pie makes keeping secrets 20% scarier.Nyx is incredibly ridiculously adorable.Can't wait until next update.
I am so glad this updated so fast. I got to get the taste of Luna vs Threesome out of my mouth.
This is easily one of the best fanfics I've ever read. It's almost unbearable to wait for the story to continue.And updating it with 3 chapters at once was like Christmas in summer.
I bout had a heart attack right along side twilight there in Chapter 6!This is an amazing fic… *hoof over heart* Dear Celestia…
Bucking Pony God I Want MOOAARRRREEEEEE
Chapter 6 was masterfully written, and tugged on my heartstrings something fierce. All in all, a wonderful update to a wonderful story.My biggest complaint is about the last line in Chapter 4:"…I have also come to realize this evening that swiftness in this matter is of the up most importance.”"up most" should be utmost. A small thing, but niggling little details like that get to me.
Bravo author. Bravo.Please, keep this up. I want so much more to this, I'm still holding out for a nice happy ending,a dn I think slowly, I'll get it. Well, I hope!And thank you for implanting Nyx in my brain. I can't get her out of my head. She's clashing with my own ideas. Which isn't handy at work!But as I say, I can't wait for more! Thanks for making my day start so well!
Damn, I was hoping for some cross reference to "Blood". The cultist could have spoken the language of the Cabals:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VocmomcgMsY&feature=relatedBut I love your story.
@AnonymousZank you for pointing zat out. Eithah me or Pen Stroke will fix zat vhen we're not locked out due to too many readahs viewing.Vhile we may not alvays be zere 24/7, we do try to make ze time to read all comments on our fics, through comments on oldah fics take moar time for us to notice.
Well crap im shedding manly tears over the chapter 6 I hope they get to stay a family when the princesses do eventually find out
Just read the first three chapters. This is awesome. Not only is it well written (which isn't always the case with fanfiction), but the story is extremely engaging. At the end of the third chapter, I felt my heart hurting for poor Nyx, even though I only "met" her an hour or so ago. Also, the normal tag gives me hope that this will have a happy ending. It better.
@Batty GloomDo … do you really talk with that accent, or is it just to freak us out? Or to entertain yourself? … Or both? DON"T SHOOT ME, I'M NOT JEWISH!!!
Just finished chapter 6. I didn't even know that my O'D'awwMeter went that high! Thank you, Batty Gloom and Pen Stroke, for giving us such a nice juicy update to chew on. Well, off to see if this fanfic has a tropes page yet…
Is any one else here getting a Malfoy vibe from diamond tiara and her father.
Sod Celestias reaction, what about Lunas? She WAS Nightmare Moon, What would your reaction be if suddenly a child out of nowhere was created from part of you you had left behind and shared some of your memory's? Not only that the Blood & Adoptive mother of the child is your sisters prized pupil?
@ Batty GloomZEN, When he Voke up, His Skeleton vas Missing, und The Doctor vas Nowhere to be Found!!!AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAnyvay, Dat's how I lost mein Medical License.
Truly one of the best fanfictions I have ever read. And I mean in general not just My little pony related. Bravo my good man bravo. I cant wait for the next update. On a little side note is it wrong for me to have developed a deep resentful hatred towards Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara? They remind me of all the jerks that used to pick on me when I was little. I am with Twilight I would of turn them into a cactus.
I absolutely love this story. It's so nice seeing Twilight being motherly to Nyx, and finally asking Nyx if she would want Twilight to be her mother since she has no blood relatives.Sadly, the story image is telling me that all the happiness in this story is going to go to hell pretty soon…
@NintyukThat's a good question. Off hand, if it were me, I would wonder if that part remembered me (but wouldn't be surprised if it didn't). Then I would recall what measures I used against it, and I would wonder if this new pony had, in fact, a better way to calm the torment than I did. Maybe being marginalized and ignored was the WRONG thing to do to a pony that could shut out the sun. If I were Nightmare moon, I might think that there was a way for her to be better than what I turned out as. If possible I would try to do what I could to make that viable.
Damn it, its such a well written, well thought out story!!! Its just pulling at my hearstrings, hell, I even teared up at some points. But Im scared to read further now when you release the next chapters, I fell theyll be the most difficult to read, since I REALLY dont want anything bad to happen!!! 5 stars, naturally. Id give you 4 times that much if possible!!
@Batty Gloom"Now"?Pen Stroke has been a credit to the community since … I don't even know how many stories ago!This is just like some sort of super frosting on what was already an amazing cake!P.S. All my Dawws, You have taken them.
Can somepony explain to me from not liking the idea of reading fanfics for some weird reason to getting there & enjoying stories like this?Me the idea of stories told in fanfics seam to be weird of how it detracts from the idea its from seams to be weird but now I read 2 or 3 intreasting stories & this story is a great story & I can't till the whole story finishStories I liked are this, Dark Equestria & a few others.
This is so bloody awesome! THIS IS SO WIN! TAKE MY 5/5 TAKE IT. GAH!
This is… Amazing. I have never read anything that tugs my heart strings so well.
"Why can't I stop with one more peek(Please send me a pony here)It's 5 AM and I need to sleep"IT IS LITERALLY 4:51 AM AND I'M GOING TO BED. CONFOUND YOU PONIES, STEALING MY SLEEP. 8D
And now I'm caught up. Chapter 6 was incredibly dawwwww. One thing that as in the back of my mind the whole time though was Luna. Would she really be able to keep her composure while being forced to relive what we can probably assume was her worst moment? Still, I'm willing to let that slide because this story is so damn good.Though I'll say this now, if you give this a grimdark ending, I will hunt you down. Fair warning.
Chapters 4-6I started off feeling so very down this morning. But this story touched me in ways I can't easily discribe. My cest feels tight and I'm tearing up, but I'm so unbeliveably happy. Thank you. Please keep writing, this story is amazing
Up to chapter 6: I cried. It's beautiful. This is a fantastic story so far, Pen Stroke. Motherly Twilight is the most endearing character in the world, and Nyx is just…the sweetest thing.I love this story.
I love you.
I KNEW it would be good… I just wish I had the time to spare to read it…
You made me D'aww too hard in chapter six.Confound this ponies they drive me to D'aww.
>11:30 at night>find a lost ferret>named her nyxtrue story
That… is such a beautiful story, and I can not wait for more, I demand More!!!!Also, I think I should point something out, though I may be wrong. So Spoilers:Though they aren't true blood relitives… they kind of are, I mean… Twilights Blood was used as an ingrediant in the spell, her blood helped create Nyx. *nod nod*… minor spoilers considering you read that in the first chapter, but still… and one last thing.DAAAWWWWW!!!! Twilight is Nyx's Mom =)
I usually wait until I completely finish a fan-fic before I start writing any form of review. But there are some that are just so great I feel I have to do them there and then.This is a fantastic 'fic. I love how it has such and adult origin, or at least a more mature story, and yet can still be so youthful and adorable like the show. Every important setting you write in is perfectly pictured: laid out and explained, but not overly described. I love how there are all these tiny little "plot throws", like when Nyx finds the sea serpent, or Twilight is worried Applejack and Rainbow Dash will find out about Nyx too early. If i only have one criticism, as Pinkie would probably say, keep it "light and airy, even when it's scary!" Although that's mainly just my prefrence that things be adorable instead of scary or too serious. As i said, not because those parts aren't good (the story wouldn't be as good without most of them), that's just what I like better. I love how your depiciton of all the main character's are on point, even your writing of Rarity: she's not too pompous, but still has class. Once again, one of the best stories I've read.Can't wait to read the rest of this wonderful fic:6 out of 5 stars for sure.
Good day, ladies and gentlecolts!Seriously, when I saw that picture, I felt strong urge to read it. And I read it… later. And I don't regret it.On the one hoof, it have some dark moments with conspiracy and some serious identity crysises (no spoilers, you see).On the other hoof, story is filled with love and tolerance and magic of friendship. And Twilight as mother figure for little filly is… awesome. I want my mother to be Twilight Sparkle! There is no fairness in the world, my little ponies…And on the third hood… For Celestia's sake, I like Nightmare Moon! But she is one of the most underrated characters in the show (she wasn't even included in the poll for the best pony, or something). There is more fiction about Lyra. LYRA! THE BACKGROUND PONY! What in the hay?And on the last hoof… Nothing. I need at least on hoof to type.Stating the obvious, yourThe Most Evil Pony.
Epic artworkWonderful readAnd plenty of Dawww.Twilight's family dynamic was just adorable. Makes you wonder how she's going to explain things if her parents should ever stop by.Also extra props for the casting of the play and using all the exta kids, I could totally see that part done in an episode of the show.Keep up the stellar work and I'm looking eager to reading the next chapter.Looks like I've found a sound replacement for my summer reading until something like "It's Dangerous going outside your Door" get's a sequel or new project.
Hello…what's this…holy fuck! 3 chapters at once…with a comic?! and a image poster which shows like 10 Scenes AT ONCE?!SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEYFUND IT, FUND IT ALREADY!!!, I'm Throwing Money at the screen but nothing happens WHYYYYLike holy fuck!, imagine if this story actually got turned into a comic :D, we need m0re c0micz
im crying like a bitch over herethis story made me it's bitchall is fine in the world
Hohoho-ly CRAP! I am not one to cry. About anything. EVER. But that last scene where *SPOILER SPOILER*Twilight agrees to be Nyx's mom, had me tearing up. Nyx is just too adorable, and that was just too precious a scene.*END SPOILER END SPOILER*Kudos to you good sir/madam.
FOR THE LOVE OF LUNA WRITE FASTER!!! This is now my favorite fic and is so amazingly written. It is now 7:01 A.M. and I feel it may be time to fall asleep. I can't stress enough how much I am enjoying this story. If only it could come to life on screen.
Just read all of it….This is amazing… please, for the love of celestia… write more
Oh Penstroke, don't do that to me! I was, almost literally, fearing a heart attack while the play was happening. Now I fear an untimely death caused by suspense after reading about "the flash in his azure eyes." I shed two tears (I counted, seriously.) When Nyx said I love you. Oh ky gosh it was so sweet… You can have my mancard, but please don't let anything bad happen to Nyx… Don't tell Kkat, but LittlePip just got demoted from favourite OC to second favourite OC. Sweet baby Nightmare she's so adorable. Going to go read Creeping Darkness, now.
This is the second time I have actually shed man tears… the first time wasn't even pony related. I have had times where my eyes water, but this story (I don't even read normally) just struck an otherwise unresolved chord within me… I can't quite put my finger on it, but I relate some how, and this has put me somewhat at ease. I thought I already lost this when I first saw winter wrap up and became a brony, but TAKE MY MAN CARD! IT IS STILLED STAINED WITH MY TEARS OF JOY!!!That being said, I love how this story is woven together. This is one of the best reads I've ever had (and I look forward to reading this in the fut-… no I don't DON'T KILL/CORRUPT NYX! NYYYYYYX!!!!!(jk I DO want to read future chapters)). Unfortunately as I stated earlier, I don't ever read so I am not sure my opinion is valid… wait… people's opinions can be invalid?There are absolutely no flaws in canon or fanon that I can find. And now my favorite pony… is…Ny-still Rarity.
I don't think Celestia should go after Nyx, even if she suspects something… Not even Luna can guarantee her safety if she does. Maternal Twilight is just as sweet as Nyx to me, but that may be because Twilight is my favourite pony. Or, as I prefer to believe, she is genuinely amazing and my view isn't hindered by my bias. Option two seems more likely~
Shot straight to the top of my fav fanfic list.Nyx is best pony.
Damn You, making an awesomesause story like this and then giving me a CLIFFHANGER? and its incomplete too 😦 I'm gonna make a fanfic and releaase it in parts too, but how did you make DAT PICTURE its beast
YOU MADE MY HEART MELT! SO MUCH BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW Twilight double mommy, SOOOO SWEEEEET! HHHHHHHHHHNG! I NEED MORE OF THIS STORY! ITS BETTER THAN DRUGS!Oh and I was right about Nyx being NNM, except if you still have some other explanation to come up in the next chapters :3Now pardon me, but I have to continue throwing money at my screen.
THIS FIC. I NEED MORE OF IT.DAMNIT, Nyx is the most adorable and enduring woobie I've seen in fanfiction, PERIOD.And you portray the mane cast 100% spot-on, what's more! I get the same sense of enjoyment from this story as I do from the show itself.In fact, this story – so far – could easily make for an excellent MLP: FiM movie if they kept it as is, butI guess I should wait for you to finish the story before having such ideas. It'd be a savvy move on Hasbro's part, though; Nyx plushies, anyone?Anyways, just wanted to say excellent writing!
Hope everything turns out ok.
I shouldn't have eaten that oatmeal the day before, now my brain is wacked out. After reading this I still think like pinkie pie! Urf, Damn oatmeal. Was it in that milk drink, they said it had fiber so I drank it, then the next day I was like woo woo woo woow oow oow oowwooo and then I couldn't concentrate at school and I said lots o random things. I even thought that light is bent by itself even though it wasn't true. OOh, Did I think that because of an evil enchantress, OhZecorawaitnothat'sallgossip. I feel better now.
@AnonymousI dun't want to alarm you but…I zink you might be drunk. Lie down for a bit, ja?
@5:20 Anon:Dangit, I was about to say that this feels like what a Friendship is Magic film should be like.Anyhow, this fanfic has now been recommended on TVTropes and I have put together the beginnings of a tropes page. I hope that I didn't screw this up too badly. Anyhow, I would really appreciate it if people would help improve the tropes page by maybe giving it a better description (I just copypasted the one from this page) and additional tropes (I currently have a paltry 7 listed). I expect the crowning moments of heartwarming page to fill up, for obvious reasons. I took the liberty of adding a synopsis of the scene where Twilight says Nyx can call her mommy, but I feel that I botched the delivery and somepony else should fix it.Welp, time to go and reread this fic.
my money.take ALL of my money!
Twilight worries about what Princess Celestia might do, if I was her I'd be more worried about Luna
Please don't toss rotten apples at me, but some punctuation errors simply MUST be corrected when we're dealing with a story of this caliber:"Good night Spike" makes it sound like some sort of object that can produce a good night. Should be"Good night, Spike", and such.Come on. You have to go that extra step!
im going to spend the following week searching the forest after my own little Nyx. cuz HOLY CELESTIA is she CUTE.and this story is Amazing! please release more chapters :'D
normally I really dislike Alicorn OC's, but with Nyx it just wouldn't work any other way. congrats, and here is hoping for a happy ending.
This could totally be integrated into the actual show, it was so good!
I have only one irk with the story. The author uses "kidnapping" instead of "ponynapping". It should maybe be corrected.
I sh*t bricks when Nyx got to the play.
The more I read, the more worried I become. I know it's all going to go to pot, but I really don't want it to happen. I love how it's all playing out, this is A grade movie material.Anyways, once again 5 more stars for each chapter.
Excellent job. I shall be watching this story with great interest.
A splendid job so far!I know I might be offering you to the chopping block, but have you requested a review from the Samurai? He's a very in-depth reviewer on /fic/ in Ponychan, and those that have read his reviews have held his opinion in very high regard.Keep this up, and it'll definitely earn "SFC Ponycron's Brohoof of Approval" (not that that means anything…yet).
@ BugsydorI haven't added to the page but I did shift some things around – the link on the MLP fic rec page now leads solely to the Past Sins trope page, and people can get to the fic through there. That way, the tropes page will get more traffic and better tropers that you or I will give it some wiki magic.
Luna's reaction to the play leads me to think she's come to grips with the whole Nightmare Moon thing and doesn't mind seeing a re-enactment of what was basically her redemption. Twilight's right to tread carefully around the Princesses, but the cultists are probably going to be the bigger issue.The heartwarming cuteness has reached critical levels now, which is going to make things that much more intense when we reach the climax. Keep it up!
New chapters? Yesyesyesyesyesyesyes!
It took a while for me to stop hyperventilating and read the damn play scene already. Seriously that scene stressed me out so hard. Props for great writing.
great chapters how long until the royal sisters and the rest of Twilights friends find out the true origins of Nyx if and fact their relationship is mother and daughter and how will they react if they ever do find out the truth and just how far will Twilight go to protect her newly found daughter great work keep it up also any chance of you letting other authers use Nyx in their stories she really is a great character
tl;dr
@MeshMealWell, I'm sorry you aren't interested in the story because of its length. Honestly, when I started out, I was intending to write something about this long, but the story itself turned out much longer. So, I hope I don't scare anyone else off, because there are a lot of chapters left.
@Pen Stroke I think it's better as a longer story, at least until now.
@Pen StrokeSpoilersBest news I've heard all day. The longer the better I say 😛 Nyx is just to cute.This seemed like the perfect time for Twilight to explain to Nyx why she didn't want her to go to the play. Not that it matters that much. It seems rather obvious where the story is going, but I might yet be surprised. Either way, I'm looking forward to whenever Celestia and/or Luna get involved. I have little doubt they suspect something, so I reckon it will be soon.
The picture is awesome. Nightmare Moon looks great. I also love the story idea. Amazing. I rarely ever read incomplete fanfictions until complete, because I hate to worry about cliffhanger endings. But the image caught my attention, I'll suck it up and read it. <3Also, Twilight is my favorite pony, I do hope she doesn't get hanged or anything. But there isn't Grimdark or Sad as a tag, so I kind of doubt it. Still though, the picture. D: I haven't read any yet, so excuse me if she doesn't, just saying.
@Nintyuk You make a good point…Nightmare Moon was part of Luna, and fragments of it were used to create Nyx… Twilight's blood was used to fuel the spell…Dear Celestia, Nyx is Twilight and Luna's daughter!
Can I just say that I find it really refreshing that Twilight told Nyx the truth about her origins? Normally conflict would arise because the parent figure would keep it a secret until the truth is revealed to the child at the worst possible moment. I was afraid first that it was going to be at the end of chapter 3, then I was worried that Celestia would figure it out at the play and confront Twilight about it, frightening Nyx, THEN I was worried she might somehow be fooled by one of the cultists.Instead, Twilight comes clean and much d'awww is had, but more than that – the cultists are going to now be facing an uphill battle, because Nyx has ingrained herself in her new life as Twilight's daughter, fully aware of her circumstances. I'm looking forward to when the secret is revealed to the rest of the mane cast, and to Celestia. Fantastic story, Pen Stroke. I can't wait for the next update.
Somehow I want to read the rest of this, but at the same time I don't want to? Fingers crossed for a happy future destined for Nyx and Twilight Sparkle…~onery
Saw the update this morning…couldn't read it until after class. Nearly died of anticipation.
Only just read this fic with the coming of the latest update. I have mentioned in other comments on stories that I am pretty stingy with high ratings, since I think ratings for fanfic on this site are a trifle generous (except for the ratings for MY fiction, of course! :p j/k).However, credit where credit is due: this is a wondefully written story, with solid characterization, realistic emotion, and an enjoyable authorial voice.The epic Nightmare Cult stuff keeps rearing its ugly head to remind the audience of future conflict whenever the slices of life seem finally to fall into place, and the pacing is leisurely without feeling slow. I assume it will all build to quite the climax.All things considered, this has been an exceedingly enjoyable read so far. I look forward to more, and happily dole out a 5.Bravo!
oh my goooodTwilight as a mom for Nyx:3best thing I could imagine… dawwwwww manly tears of joy T_Tand yeah I beg don't make the last scene from Cover happen I BEG YOU PLEASE!!! :< this story need happy ending (Twi&Nyx will live happy ^^)
Do you see the army of loving followers you now have, Pen Stroke? I imagine you could get these bronies to do tricks for you on command.This is a marvelous story. It cannot be complimented enough and I can't wait to read what happens next. Absolutely beautiful. Bravo!
This continues to be one of the best stories I have read and have the pleasure of continuing reading.
this needs to be on the top of EQ.Bump it, someone bump it!
@VarRouting everybody through the wiki page seems like a great idea. Getting more wiki magic through improbable giraffe herding skills is probably our best bet, as I don't feel like I alone can't give this story the page it deserves. Don't forget to improve the tropes page, everypony!
These tears are manly I tell you! MANLY!
There is something terribly wrong with a link in chapter 6! for some reason I highlight to go to chapter 7 and nothing happens! D:Gosh I started to get watery in the eyes with that whole who's who to Nyx and Twilight thought of Nyx was to her scene…. then the ending chuckle with Owlowicious and Twilight.Still you need to fix that broken link! and not at 2AM this time like you did with chapter 3!
@AnonymousCan't blame me for the Thursday 2AM posting.I provided Seth the new chapter links at about 9Am on Wednesday.
SO AWESOME, I love you, and I love how fast you work.
I must confess this is only my third pony fanfic, and while I am normally ultra-hyper skeptical of fanfics, I must say something about this one caught my eye long enough to read the prechrapter (Which got me to read the rest of the story), this is definitely a six star fanfic. The really good writing and the why in which the characters are portrayed is believable and really good. I wish it where canon.
*gasp* More chapters!? Yay!I love that Twilight has revealed to Nyx her origins. The cultist's ability to dramatically say "You are Nightmare Moon!" and Nyx replying "No, that's not true! That's impossible!" have been shot in the foot. And Twilight is Nyx's mom!Also, Holy crap you guys I think Diamond Tiara's dad is a Death Eater.
i normally dislike most fanfiction, but i'm hooked on this 😀
I started reading it, and oh dear, Twilight mom is amazing. I love little Nyx~ Amazing fanfiction. For me, it's in my favorites with Cupcakes, Creature of the Night, Blood, Sweat, and Tears, and some other Luna fanfictions~
hnnnng oh god this is adorablesoooo adorableit is going to break my heart when shit hits the fan
@ anonymous 4:15pm:I concur on your descriptiion, Diamond Tiara's father is probably a [s]Death Eater[/s] cultist.However after reading I have come to the conclusion that the image in the bottom right of the cover image isn't a desire, but a fear belonging solely to Nyx, and for a simple reason, the execution is taking place at a "twilight" hour (dusk, or worse dawn) suggesting that one or both princesses are involved.
Oh man, this sucks. You know why?There's no 10/5 star option. Only a 5/5. :/But yeah, seriously, I loved this. Nyx is adorable, and the pictures that have been provided along with this story, along with the wonderfully portrayed characters, (The OC ponies, the background ponies, the mane cast… everypony in here is amazing, and either works well or is in character.) have made this not only believable, but easily imagined, which I love. The story flows pretty nicely, not dwelling on unnecessary things, elaborating on the details, etc. This is an amazing piece of work, and I hope you finish it soon. (Although don't end it quickly. Just work on the chapters faster. :P)[spoiler] If there's one thing I didn't really like, it was when Twilight introduced Nyx to Rarity. They seemingly talked about her disguise openly, (Calling it that, rather than daywear.) not trying to hide what it was from her, and she never once questioned it. [/spoiler]This is definitely on my list of stuff to look out for. I just hope you update it again soon, as it was amazing. Good job. 😀
This is really well written. I've only read chapter four but I think this is heading for an emotional trainwreck. Twilight really should have told celestia but at the same time tried to protect Nyx.I really hope the title picture isn't foreshadowing D:
I love this fic so much as of yet. I just can't wait to see where it goes now, and I think that little Nyx is absolutely adorable.I'm strongly hoping that things don't go too awfully for her if the cult does find her…
Cabal, the fearless leader of rainbowdash.net has posted it on his profile, thus, insta-famed by a brony overloard. And it was awesome!!!
This story is nothing short of a masterpiece.
This story shows some very creative and excellent writing skills. The characters were portrayed very well and The story behind nyx And that being a shout out to one of my favorite and most epic tales here on equestria daily was awesome. Many times i couldn't help but giggle or even outright laugh-out-loud from the quirky things the characters did Like spike going 'MOM' In chapter 6 was Awesome, It was spike all over. Diamond tiara and silverspoon Were also prtrayed very well… Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Anyway, you know a story is good when it actually has you feeling for characters. Hate for the evil ones, Sympathy for those having tragedy forced upon them, ECT, ECT. The play Was Really cute, I loved it. I have this thing where my heart rate increases when i read a good story or when action is rising up. During the tense moment in the everfree and twilight's stress at the play had me going at about 100 BPM About 30 or something over my Resting heart rate. There is so much praise you deserve for This story I want to say more and more, but i think you get the point.
Hugz everywhere =D
Ok, i can say that my honest reaction to this fic is:AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaa *gasp* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaa!!Ok, that got all the hyperactive happiness out of my system. Great story! I've only read three fics on this site that make me want to exult like that in response and this is one of them.Keep up the great work!\o/
Even if Nyx IS Nightmare Moon, she is the most adorable thing in Equestria.Especially in that comic. Awwwwwwwww!
Hey Pen Stroke, I was wondering. Is the music track of the Swan you have been linking the main theme of Nyx?Kinda cool, though I expected something more Baroque, like Vivaldi
Prelude :And this is why you must always clean up, after you have defeated the last Ultimate Evil… bones, ashes, artefacts… just in case you nuts-people have a Resurection Spell ready ;)Also… Nyx ? From the story ''the Party Hasn't Ended Yet'' ?Well, glad this name is used more ;)—–CH.1 : *Ball-curling Nyx* is rather adorable. :)Also, *Caring-like-a-mother'' Twilight* is a rather cute thought. :)—–CH.2 :*Learning Nyx* is, again, adorable ;)*Nyx with glasses* is good-looking.In fact… I believe that *Everything* Nyx is good and shall become a running theme for her ! :DIt's rather fascinating to see Twilight, and now Rarity, being good for Nyx and teaching her stuff like they would do with any other filly.(RD and AJ might be challenges at first, once they find out… and I can see Pinky Pie being able to see through the disguise 😉 )—–Break time…
@AnonymousIt should totally become her theme ! :D…hmmmm ? If I didn't know myself better, I would almost say that I'm becoming a fan of that one character ?Soon, Nyx will enter the mystical stream of *Continuity* !
This is such a good story I nearly cried in the last chapter.I can't wait for more! 😀
This just has an utterly wonderful mix of subtle tension and relaxed flow. There's a certain everpresent possibility of disaster looming over each second, making each moment that much more special. I have no idea what took me so long to read this. It's really just fantastic.
You know technically Nyx is Twilight's and Luna's daughter
@AnonymousNo-no wait,okay, wait listenokay, so…Nyx is Luna's half-twin sister
Pssh, I prefer to think of Nyx as solely Twilight's daughter. Nightmare Moon was the cast off negative essence of Luna, but the blood used to give her a body was Twilight's and Twilight's alone.
If I only had 6 stars to give, I would give this story 72 stars. You can take all of mine and everyone elses stars.
I am dead.This story, and that comic, have killed me. My heart could not handle the cute and gave in. I am typing this by possessing the body of a teenage kid.In all seriousness though, this is a wonderful story! Can't wait for more!
Perfect Theme Song:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJJsoquu70o&ob=av3e
I wish there was more. I looooove this story.
Pen Stroke and Batty Gloom, do either of you have Garry's mod? Because Once I get the Filly bases made, I'm definitly going to make Nyx.
CH.3 :>The tiara wearing pony wore an expression of annoyance-Oh Noes ! ''Forgot her name-Tiara'' (ah ?, it was Diamond Tiara apparently) will surely cause troubles to poor Nyx….(Yay, a mention of Twist 🙂 )…*Pleading puppy dog eyes* Nyx is… well, you kinda know the song now ;)>“No, that won’t do it. It we’re going to prank her-''If we'' ?>“Bump! Bump! Sugar-lump, rump!” The pair said in unison-Little did they know that it was in fact an ancient spell to *Drop a meteor on their head*. What were the odds ? ;)>“So Silver Spoon and I just wanted to apologize for being so mean.-Quick ! Someone cast a meteor now ! This is our last chance; aim for the tiara. *whisper strongly* I will even laser-guide you !—–CH.4 :>He then dropped the book on a reading table, the pages flipping open as the owl too landed, bending over as he began to read.-So, he can read ? Well, that's interesting to know. 🙂 oddly enough, I had never really thought about that Owl, before now…. You know, started thinking about something there… Since Nyx was created from a drop of blood from Twilight, well, you know… Doesn't this ''technically'' make her her ''mother'' ? (as far as genetic goes) …
@The Anon who posted a theme song:I salute you. I remember this song from hours spent playing AceCombat5. While I don't feel like bits of the song apply (yet), the chorus in particular, other parts match beautifully.
@BugsydorI was playing AC5 earlier before it gave me the idea to post the song… 😉
… I care about an OCWhat is this witchcraft
@KinkyOatsIf you're referring to Nyx, she's not technically an OC, more of an character interpretation taken to the Nth degree.
@KinkyOatsIgnoring ze OC dah-bate, et ez a zing called characterization. Et ez ze same withcraft zat makes Fallout Eqvestria so gud.
You know, and I apologize if I am repeating someone else here, Nyx technically is biologically related to Twilight. Think about it; the cultists kidnapped Twilight in order to use her blood in the hopes of making Nightmare Moon immune to the Elements. Because of this, Nyx has Twilight's DNA, similar to normal biology, with the other half being filled with magic. Keep up the good work Pen Stroke and Batty Gloom. I look forward to reading the rest of this masterpiece.
Anypony have some idea how long it usually takes for the Wiki Magic to kick in for a new works page on TVTropes? The page for this story needs more love.
@AnonymousLet me just say zat we are avare of ze issue und will take et ento consideration zomehaow. Zat ez all I will say for naow.So fhilled zat everybody ez enjoying ze fic! Und you won't have to wait long for ze next update, zat I can assure you.
It's funny…I usually HATE fanfics. Mainly because many of them tend to be poorly written and are painful to read through.This, however, is amazing. I actually find myself invested in the characters and engaged in the story. I'm beside myself with the fact that I can't wait for new chapters.The author's talent is clearly demonstrated.
Echoing the comments that ratings on fan sites tend to be overly generous for these kinds of things……that is certainly not the case with this story. Even with a few typos here and there, it does not take away from Pen's ability to write. This is very good stuff.
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@AnonymousEt ez true zat my gud fhriend Pen Stroke ez talented but moar emportantly he ez puts en effort und hard verk en his writing. Take et from me, his editor. He ez willing to write, rewrite, und zen rewrite ungain undtil ze writing ez purfiect…und zen emprove et once moar! I know no othah writahs who put en moar effort ento ze writing zen him, ezpecially vhen et comes to ze fan fictions.
This story is just amazing. I couldn't help but weep tears of joy for Twilight and Nyx at the end of Chapter 6. I love the feeling of uncertainty looming over everypony's head. I'm really excited about where this story will go!You capture all the characters' personalities perfectly, including Pinkie Pie breaking the fourth wall. I love how nopony is surprised by that and the story just keeps moving right along, just like the show!Thank you so much for writing and sharing this. I am quite impressed with how much quality stuff this fandom produces. It's nothing short of amazing. 😀 (This is coming from a guy who HATED fanfics!)
Oh my goodness… I could feel warm, happy tears welling up inside of me as I finished up chapter six. Pen Stroke, both you and Batty Gloom have created a true gem of fanfiction. I'm going to be terribly upset when this ends, because it's one of the few fics I've had the utmost pleasure of reading. I'm so glad that I took the time to pre-read this when I could, because it's gotten so much better than I thought possible. Really, keep up the fantastic work, and know that you've really created a masterpiece. I sincerely wish that I had half of the writing talent that you two did. I commend thee.
@AnonymousIt's 4am and theres not even a single new chapter or piece of art updated! If you have him tied up in some basement or harmed Pen in anyway get ready for a lynching!PEN ARE YOU OK?! DID THIS PERSON CHOP OFF YOUR FINGERS?! If you can reply (even if only with your face) say something! D:
LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
up to 107 pages by chapter 6. These fanfics could be novels.
Oh my god, this is beutiful. The story and characters are perfectly depicted, and Nyx is an incredibly lovable character.Better Living was another one of my favourite fics and I'm glad to see the author is still at work. 1000/5 stars.
I can wait to see some more chapters one of the best Fan Fics I've read. Great job!
With the big fancy commissioned artwork, I was expecting a really polished story. I can't help but notice the really simple mistakes like words being doubled (ex: with with) or wrong tenses, bad or strange word choice.I don't want to discourage you, Pen Stroke, but a little more fine-tooth combing before posting would give more credit to the story.
@AnonymousWe'll try harder but for your information, each chapter is proof-read no fewer than three times before posting. So, unless you're willing to be a proof-reader….
@AnonymousHEY! I'm german, and I feel positively offended! Because I am NOT a nazi, most of us aren't nazis and I HATE HATE HATE nazis!
@AnonymousJust for your information, I am German. And I feel offended. So go fuck yourself.
@Dat fucking writefag……..(My simple representative OC joke has opened up a can of worms, hasn't it? My apologies. I can drop the accent if it offends my German Bronies.)
You know what would be a really cool twist?if Diamond Tiara's father turned out to actually have contacts with the Royal Guards or the Princesses rather than the Children of Nightmare. Everyone, me included, figure because the kid is a jerk it's follow that her parent is one of the bad guys lurking in the background (like Draco Malfoy) so making Tiara's father be the one who eventually brings Celestia's attention to Nyx's orgin would be a great subversion of our expectations. I'm not saying he has to be a heroic figure, just that he's not one of the villains. I mean, it's not like there's only one Nightmare cultist in Ponyville, and it's likely they went to the play to since it was part of the festival.I dunno, just a thought.
@Batty GloomI'm a German and you doing that accent is fine (and funny). Of course, some people are going to make terrible nazi jokes, but most Germans on the internet are probably used to that by now and can deal with it.
@Batty GloomWhat are you blabbering about?Your accent offends no pony, the stupid assumption of this one anonymous guy that germany is still nazi country is offensive.Errm, wait, blabbering sounds rude, and I don't mean to be rude, especially towards somepony who helped Pen Stroke with his amazing fan fics. Sorry.It's just that the thought that this was somehow YOUR fault is so ridiculous.
@ Batty GloomIf people are honestly being offended by your cute little parody accent, then they need to develop thicker skin. Really though, looks like people are mad at the dude who made the tasteless nazi joke.Keep on shining, Batty Gloom!
@Anonymous 0158h J22: You're right in that this could be a novel– at least if Pen Stroke used his own IP! I know I'd buy it… some of these authors should really go professional.
Well, I'm only on Chapter 5 right now, but I read Chapter 4 and I think Nyx is NOT Nightmare Moon.I think Nyx is an entirely different pony, made by the magic with the appearance and memories of Nightmare Moon. But different. Maybe her mane was like Nightmare Moon's because she was corrupted or because of the magic and memories? Anyway, I felt bad for her. D: But amazing story! I also realized I believe the Twilight hanging is probably Nightmare Moon's thoughts, too. :3
CH.5 :Really Twilight, you should know better than to leave such books open at hoof-reach, when an impressionable filly is nearby…Especially when the filly in question is Nyx and also a member of the CMC. ;)—–CH.6 :>Dinky Doo was pulling off a pretty darn good Twilight-Hurray ! …Dinky ;)I wonder, if Nyx will interact with Dinky at some point ? Might be something good, you know, something with her mother (Ditzy) being teased too by some ponies, but showing that Ditzy never let them stop her from being happy and stuff. (kinda relate to Nyx being bullied)>“You were wonderful Muffin.” Ditzy Doo replied, giving her little filly a noogie and a hug.-Awwwww… Muffin :)Dinner ! >“YAY!!!” :Dpunishment >“Awww…” ;)>Diamond Tiara’s father just kept staring-Not saying it, but really, it's kinda obvious, no ? …*Dun-duun DUUUN !*>And, because you don’t have parents, you don’t have any normal blood relatives like uncles, brothers, aunts, sisters, or grandparents.”-Hummm, blood drop anyone ? Helloooo ?I'm not an expert on Genetic science, but creating another 'being' from a part of you… Since the 'being' was created from your genetical material, and the result is a YOUNG Filly, well… Daughter, right ?…I seriously hope they realize that, at some point in the story… Otherwise, it would be kinda disappointing, if not even a (clear) ''mention'' was made…(then, 2minutes later…)>“So… if Owlowiscious and Spike are like my older brothers… what does that make you?”*whisper LOUDLY* DROP OF BLOOD ! Hint-Hint !>“Well… Nyx… if I was really honest… I’d say…” Twilight had to swallow, the words getting caught on the knot in her throat. “That… I’m like… well… your mother.”-Hurray ! See, it wasn't that hard was it ? :)And what comes after that is so *Awwwwwww* that you want to hug them too.-Seriously, I have read a LOT of *Awwww* moments in stories, but this one is a moment that REALLY makes me want to hug the screen… before remembering that it's a screen, of course.—–(and that's how Equestria was made… kinda explain the 6 Stars too, ''now'' that I think about it 😉 )
@Batty GloomDude, you got it wrong. I don't mind your accent, I find it cute. What pisses me off is the assumption of that "edgy" coward anon that I am a nazi because I happen to be German. Is it my fault I was born in that shit country?!It's the same bullshit the world puts on you Americans being fanatic homophobe warjunkies. That's my problem here. Parodies are alright, but what this anon did…If you want stereotypes, go watch Southpark. But leave it out in ED.
Could people just stop and return at commenting ABOUT THE AWESOME STORY !It's the Internet, no one ''really'' care about all that stuff…But, people do care about this story here and now, so… STORY TIME ! …or something.*Insert Love and Tolerance ''something-something'' quote*
@Dat fucking writefagSHIT COUNTRY?Well screw you, I happen to like it here. There are some stupid issues with copyright and censorship, but other than that it's a pretty nice country, in my opinion. And even if you happen to disagree, which I can totally accept, calling it a SHIT country is going a little too far…So please, let's be a little more civil, alright?
@Nova25*sigh*Okay, okay, I give up, you're right.So.About the story.It's awesome.Exactly what is to be expected from the author of Better Living Through Science and Ponies, as well as Creeping Darkness.I don't like how many ponies are theorizing about Twilight getting… erm, is it hanged or hung? Screw it, about Twilight getting executed.THAT IS NOT THE AUTHOR'S STYLE. Go read Creeping Darkness and BLTSaP! They both end happily, just like this story almost certainly will. So stop worrying.Okay, now I have a question for everypony (especially Pen Stroke himself): Does anypony know any other stories, preferably MLP fanfics, by this wonderful author? Because I'd probably like to read them.
@theuncalledforThe only other MLP Fanfic I've written to date that has its own post on Equestria Daily is the One-Shot Changing Octaves, which was a short I wrote when Cereal Velocity threw down a challenge in a music post. Here's the address: http://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/06/story-changing-octaves.html
@AnonymousWell, Nyx is Nightmare Moon's reincarnation. She is Nightmare Moon, but the spell that made her was incomplete and instead of a Nightmare Moon in her full glory the spell made the closest thing it could make, a filly. Nyx is a blank slate that can develop differently then the final product she was based on.
@AnonymousAh, yes! That makes more sense than my thought. I do hope she doesn't turn out like the other Nightmare Moon. I like her more when she's sweet like she is 🙂
@Pen StrokeYou answered! Personally!Thank you! YOU'RE AWESOME! ❤
Incredible, simply incredible. I salute you sir, and I will mention your story to my own readers. I e-mailed you with my critique. I do not care if it diverts some of my own readers, your work SO deserves it.
@theuncalledfor>a little more civilAlright, I can live with that.
I think everypony else has already said everything I was going to say, so the only thing left is for me to demand fanart of Dinky as Twilight. So adorable!
*Chuckles* I just had the most EVIL idea. When the horse apples hit the fan and the Mane Cast finds out that Nyx was meant to be Nightmare Moon 2.0, it turns out that Pinky Pie had figured it out some time ago. When asked if it was because of her Pinky Senses Tingling, however, we cut to a flashback of Pinky Pie submitting a Pre-reader report (Or whatever Pre-readers do) to Equestria Daily. When we jump back to the present, she suddenly acts awkward and says "Yah, something like that."
I love that the story seems to have been planned out in its entirety.Pacing, good sir or madam–you have it.
>FlutteryayNew art!PREPARE TO FIRE THE ORBITAL D'AWWWWWWW CANNON.
Bravo! Beautiful! I totally cried at chapter 6. Please, write more! This is a wonderful story. 🙂
This story was worht all of my free time..NEED MORE
Can Luna in Socks's D'awesomeness be applied to Nyx? Preliminary results indicate YES. Dangit, I need a Nyx wallpaper to add to my collection. A couple of these pics are about the right size, though…
@theuncalledforBah… I theorize that it's just a thought of Nyx (caused by Nightmare Moon's memories)… maybe from the ''I wanted to hurt her'' or from the ''If people know about me, they might do that to her'' (fear of what could happen).—–@AnonymousI'm pretty sure that the first use of the name ''Nyx'' (the origin of the name), for the ''being'' behind Nightmare Moon, was from the story ''Party Hasn't Ended'' (at the end), just to let people know.
By Celestia.. MOAR!
To all the people thinking the name Nyx is a reference to a video game, a book or another fanfic, educate yourself: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nyx
@Nova25Exactly. Those are, by far, the most probable explanations for the picture, considering the author.Which is just another reason to LOVE LOVE LOVE this author! <3Hail Pen Stroke, who answered me personally! Who wrote Creeping Darkness and BLTSaP! Master of happy endings for suspenseful, fun stories!
I am hoping the next chapters are just as good as it is so far. Amazing story, please keep it amazing though the whole thing.
Pen Stroke, i would really say that if your aunt was here to see this…beautifully exciting story you wrote… this could have made her happy inside you and all of us fans to you from reading this spectacular story
I am interrupting my ComicCon vacation to check this story for updates…I hope you're happy!
Just dropping a comment here so I know what comments came after chapter 7,8,9, & 10 were posted.
Holy crap, how many chapters do you have in reserve!? I didn't expect 10 chapters in 4 days, this is crazy.Anyway, I read up to chapter 6 yesterday and it was brilliant. I couldn't stop thinking about it at work yesterday and today. I was going to get stuff done today, but I'm not anymore.
Wow, you keep them coming, don't ya? Time to read the next 4 parts.
I was only going too read part 3 but I read everything through part 6 instead. I love the bit with the school play (though I wonder if the princesses were really fooled — given how forgiving and compassionate they are, they might well know who Nyx is and want to give her a normal life with Twi anyway). I shed several manly tears at the final part of chapter 6. "What am I? I guess I'm your mother." *sniff*I'm so eager to see the rest of this.~Ardashir
Finally got around to reading all of these. Very touching. I can't wait to see more.And yes, Pen Stroke is credit to community!
@Pen StrokeWell… seems like the 145+ stories in my backlog will have to wait a little more.(seriously… there's way too many new stories coming per DAY, on this site… not that it's bad, but an average of 5-7 new stories/day when you can only read 3-4/day… let's just say that the backlog grows quickly !)
4 new chapters… I am trying so hard right know to save them for tomorrow… But its hard, man. Hard… I want to read them NOAW!
OH GOD THAT WAS SAD!!!… I wont cry… I wont…. *starts blubbering* NYX!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO
This is AMAZING. The best fanfic made yet.
the updates. it's coming too fast!
I just finished reading it all, and he adds 4 more chapters less than an hour later. Guess I should clear my schedule tonight.
Four more chapters? Are you trying to kill us? This story qualifies as a weapon of mass D'AWWstruction. But still…. thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou.
Dammit Celestia, when half your royal court is conspiring against you, among them your old personal protege, you must be doing something wrong.
Why was Celestia being unreasonable to Twilight's pleas?
4 updates! This is like a Pinkie Pie party (but more melancholy)!
@AnonymousTelling you naow would be telling. Ze next chaptahs will shed light on Celestia's motives.
Celestia is a terrible judge of character.
Right so, a few comments:1) Oh wow, more please…2) I thought you did really well portraying Nyxs' confusion as she tries to figure out who she is and separate that from who she was.3) I really like the way you did Pinkie Pie and her inexplicable but uniformly effective Pinkie sense.4) I love the name Nyx.5) Twilight is the best. Just sayin'…6) Don't know if you have any of this planned, but I really would love to get Luna's take on this whole mess.7) More please… Did I already say that?8) You are totally to be commended for this work of art. Take. My. Stars. All of them.9) My compliments to Batty Gloom for what I presume stellar editing/proofreading/whatever-it-is you do. Keep it up!10) Also, my compliments to the artist of the cover picture, if that wasn't you Pen Stroke. (And, well even if it was)
Ah can't read these fast enough! By the time ah finish the recent update, 5 more fall in! @.@
Wow oh wow. I hope more updates come soon – I hate to see Nyx like this! Though your poem does give me hope.
My eyes, appear to be watering. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?Seriously though, Twilight shouting at Celestia, you're pulling it all off perfectly.
Ehh… looks interesting, but… *looks at author**immediately thinks of Better Living Through Science And Ponies*…ALL OF MY MONEY!!!
AH YESNew updates! Must read tomorrow ❤
Neeed more. Momma Twilight is the cutest thing ever and Nightmare moon needs some time to remember the love and realise that her negative emotions she has towards every thing were never hers in the first place, they were Luna's.
Oh no……no no no no no NO!> We're my thoughts as events transpired in the latest chapters. Excellent job thus far!
I just died. This better have a happy ending cuz nyx is my favorite pony now. 😡
More appropriately -http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jVhdKoU69DA&feature=related
Chapter 10.HOLY FUCK.WHERE IS THE REST OF THIS GOD DAMN IT.
heheheHAHAHAHA oh man this is AWESOME!!!
Epic, simply epic. This is insanly well written.
I love this story. Thats all I can say.
CH.7 :>Honored Brother Regal Cut – Prophet of Ponyville.-And thus the *Dun-duun DUUUN* came to its conclusion. As the prophetic Theory foretold. ;)… Oh my, it seems that the bad ponies AND Celestia are coming closer to find out about Nyx !You can be sure that, regardless of who is the first to find out, that Twilight will do everything in her power to not let Nyx down. :)>“Let me guess: Danver is a type of carrot.”-Hum ? Well, you learn something new everyday, as they say. 😉 (…danver ?)>“I mean, I new Cotton Candy was good-''new'' ?>“They didn’t exactly look like horses.”-Horses and ponies, theory #59 (random generated number) : Horses are to ponies, what Neanderthals (exemple) are to current humans. That would explain why Twilight was allowed to ''make'' horses, and everypony was ok with it, and with nopony going all crazy about it…. Pinky Pie – Spy detector ! … Also, Fluttertree GO! 😀 …—–CH.8 :>She was taking care of this filly like a daughter, like she was Nyx’s mother… -Well, technically… SHE IS !Blooooood Drooooop !…Genetic !SCIENCE! (in caps, and with the '' ! '' and everything.)>Others didn’t applaud at all, whispering to each quietly.-I knew it. Those sorts of school/sport events are always the moment where the person's secret(s) are discovered (or main suspicions are stated), in stories and movies. ;)—–Also… Awwwwwwww, Nyx with a sock on her head 🙂 😀 ;)… looking all ''whut ? who did that 🙂 ?''. That's enough to induce a second 'awwwwww'.
Oh my gosh give me a heart attack why don't you? Four updates? OH MY GOSH YOU ARE MADE OF WIN AND PRO. And just kidding about the heart attack thing.
I thought of going to sleep but thought "Hey I should check Equestriadaily one last time!"Past Sins : Nope.
Damn, my theory of Diamond Tiara's father not actually being evil was wrong. Oh well, it was just a thought.Reading on… I'm always nervous during the happy scenes because I'm afraid the looming threat of discovery will ruin everything. And it almost did twice already…Celestia consults with Nexus… well, there's still the chance that Twilight can talk her down…No…NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!I-I knew it would happen like this… Nyx being yanked away from Twilight in the worst possible way…Nyx… I hope you continue to refer to her as Nyx. I'm really, really looking forward to the second half, and I appreciate the note you left – very reassuring, really!Looking forward to how you deliver Nyx's character from here on out.
This is the best story to enter the fandom with.PS: This song perfect for these last few chapters, or well the last one at least.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qcQ3iegpZTc&feature=watch_response_rev
Old Order? Pen Stroke, did you watch star wars?
Can't believe no one has posted a single thing about chapter 10. Jesus, and its only half over? Can't wait for part two.
We need a conclusion STAT!
@AnonymousLatah…
@-@ How are there zero comments regarding chapters 7 to 10. Really… Can't wait for part two!
Take your fingers, run them over the keybord, and keep pumping gold.
I LOVE THIS FAN FICTION! I love every part of it, I love how fast it updates, I love the art and I love the characters. Especially Nyx <3.
This fanfic…Shall be declared the best fanfic.
NOOO! Poor Nyx. Poor Twilight…
This is by far the best thing ever. I can't even put into words how much I like your story.Thanks.
You officially have the most perfectly in character Pinkie I've ever seen in a fanfic.
That was soul crushingly painful, poor Twilight and poor Nyx. I love Celestia but I honestly wanted to punch her in the face when she took Nyx away. Anyway, keep up the great work. I demand a happy ending ;)Also, the little rhyming poem at the end. I read that in Zecora's voice and suddenly felt like she was telling the story. It was a nice touch.
This is the glory of the true writer. To be able to open up the chests of your readers with a word, to hold their beating hearts in your palm and stroke them lovingly, and then an instant later to throw them to the floor and dash them into pieces, to capture their souls with every beautifully written character and to wrench them and twist them and tear them apart.Sir, with your writing you wield a weapon greater and more terrible than any sword or gun or bomb could ever hope to be. I pray of you, be merciful.
Diamond Tiara is the Draco Malfoy of Ponyville. Amirite?
NOOOOOO NYX!!!!!!!D':
I am very glad zhat everyvun ez still enjoying ze fic. Pen Stroke und I vere afraid zhat zhis vould be ze future of me und Pen Stroke."Wait, wait, wait, wait, et gets bettah! Vhen Nyx voke up she became Nightmare Moon ungain und zhen ze writahs vere nevah heard from ungain!HAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!Hooo….anyvay…zhat ez haow I lost mien fan-fiction license."
I'm actually sobbing right now.Damn you, Pen Stroke. Damn you.
oh god i hope this has a very happy ending
This is now my favorite fanfic.I also love how often it's updated.(please tell me it will continue to update this fast)
Only a few hours ago, I read the first 6 chapters and thought, "This is really good, I hope it doesn't take forever to update." I check EqD, and BAM! There's my answer.
@Batty GloomI am the one who made a bad Nazi comment ("don't shoot me, I'm not jewish") PURELY out of jest. Some people got offended (on the internet, huh, imagine that). BUT for Batty Gloom to take it to heart and feel as though the blame lay on him/her (not sure, sorry), that's not good at all. Batty shouldn't feel that way, and here is my official public apology to Batty Gloom, for starting a TINY situation that made you self conscious. I am sorry. To all the overly sensitive Germans out there, what can I say. My comment was not meant to offend, and you most likely knew that. You probably were looking for a chance to troll using the "politically correct" card, and I have to honestly question if you were actually German.To all the ACTUAL Germans out there: I LOVE your beer, keep up the good work.
Hnnnng… No… Scrap of hope… scrap of hope… Nyx-mare Moon can't look Scootaloo in the eye? I'll hang on to that.And this is only the HALFWAY marker?! Argh, how else can you tear at our hearts Pen Stroke? Another ten or eleven chapters full of pain and angst before it turns out good? How do we fix this? Can we trust the Elements of Harmony not to tear Nyx apart if they're used?I… I don't think so…More, more, more!
Oh my Celestia, chapter 10 was heartbreaking (in two ways). The scene where Celestia was taking Nyx away brought tears to my eyes. Also seeing Nightmare Moon back broke my heart knowing that Nyx is gone. But I know that some part of her adorable self still lingers. Beautifully written.I must read the final chapters now, although I'll miss that cute, adorable black filly.
Ah, Pen… what have you done to me…That bit with Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara… really hit home for me. Dug up some very, very painful memories……the wolves, I'd called them… they had their packs, and I, a lone wolf. Such loneliness… I guess I have a few skeletons in my closet after all…Well done, though. I can't count how many times this story made me D'awwwwwwww. You've got something really good here. Never let it slip away.
Wow, you come out with chapters REALLY fast, and they seem to have REALLY good quality. … You're from the future, aren't you? A future where really good writing material can be made really fast. It won't surprise me at all, when I eventually see news shows talking about a temporal rift through which works of fiction have bleed through to our time.
*Eagerly awaiting for the cracks to deepen and splinter*
@AnonymousSTOP IT!! IT WON'T GO DOWN THAT WAY!! YOU'RE A MONSTER!! *goes to cry in a corner*
>looks at first picture Oh Celestia! NYX. IN. SOCK!
Damn it, just…DAMN IT. I knew it was coming, I knew for a fact it was, but god almighty I REALLY wasnt ready for it. You pulled my heartstrings so much they snapped, I had tears swelling up read all of 10, and just…pure hatred for those that corrupted Nyx. Every part was filled with heartbroken tears, and wanting everything to be ok. I know, I read the poem too, but until I see the next chapter, I am filled with true pain.Truly, this is a work of words that will make this mighty fall on there knees, and cry.Well done, good sir, well done…
And in Chapter 10 we learn that Twilight Sparkle is a coward.Spoiler alert!Celestia: I'm going to take your daughter and flip a coin. If it's heads you get her back. If not we'll dissolve her with magic.Twilight: Okay, I'll just sit here and cry.
Wow, amazing. I love this. I wanted to cry during the last chapter but apparently my brain was aware it would hinder my reading so it reinforced the floodgates. I'll find the time to cry later. (And if I can't, i'm expecting some real tear jerking moments in the future. I don't cry easily so you got your work cut out for you.) if Ch10 is the halfway point then the next 10 chapters are sure to be amazing. No pressure tho. lol keep up the great work. (Drawfriends: need more Nyx. Now.)
Not sure if this is a SPOILER: (From chapter 9)———————————————–"Nyx was happy as she could be, bouncing along with her first place ribbon from the tug-of-war competition, wearing her Cutie Mark Crusader cape and a kazoo in her mouth, her chosen prize from the prize box. The little filly was content to play the kazoo in a triumphant fan fare that only she knew the notes to, a sight that made Twilight smile a little." ———————————————End possible SPOILER. Would somepony please draw this now?
OMIGAWD THIS STORY. THIS ART. THESE BURST UPDATES! You, sir, have got a winning combo right here
Oh my God.If Twilight doesn't get her baby Nyx back, I will never, EVER forgive you.
And thus, unknowingly, Nyx, now Nightmare Moon, signs Twilight's death warrent. Thus the images in the cover image will come to pass, Nightmare Moon has already confronted Twilight, Twilight's friends will attack (with trixie as a subsitute bearer of the element of magic as Twilight will be imprisoned), the cutie mark crusaders will be imprisioned (by who I don't know), and Twilight will be hung at a twilight hour for Nightmare Moon's crimes as she personally took responsibility for her actions in front of Celestia.
CHAPTER 10 IS SO SAD!!!!
Why can I not give more stars? I must take more computers and rate this five stars from everywhere!
Oh dear, I just realized. We've hit all the scenes from the left side of the cover image and now it's time for the right side… One of which I can connect with the end of Ch 10…
I do kind of like Nyx; But after that diatribe I also can't wait for somepony to sock her^^
Awwww…I miss lil' Nyx already…
I can't get over how amazing this story is. I need more.RIIIIIIIGHT NAAAAAOOOOO!
Nyx isn't responsible for what Nightmare Moon did before.Now, however, everything she does will be on HER head.Let's see where this will lead. (Hopefully not a Villain Sue)
CH.9 :>The little filly was content to play the kazoo in a triumphant fan fare that only she knew the notes to, a sight that made Twilight smile a little.-*Filly-happy* Nyx is quite an adorable thought. 🙂 (also, isn't it ''fanfare'' in one word ?)>though she’d try to keep herself from jumping around endlessly saying “Yes!” as she had done with the Crusaders.-aww… But it was so very cute ? 😉 … … …! Have Nyx do a *Yes! Yes! Yes!* moment 😀 (if you want to, that is 😉 )>Nyx fell silent at this, glancing back at her vest. “There… there is something I can show you.”-''Noooo Nyx ! Don't do it !'', I said before realizing I was speaking to my screen, ''…dumb fabric, hum, I mean screen.''-Good thing they are 'kids', right ? ;)>glass of orange juice floating in his levitation magic nearby. He swirled the contents gently-Instead of wine, he goes for orange juice… what an odd villain ;)>“This is actually why I came to you Spell exus.-Nexus ?>I fear for the safety of my student, but at the same time I know that if Nightmare Moon is just trying to bide her time then she will not risk hurting Twilight without reason.-She clearly didn't research enough about Twilight and Nyx relation ? She needs a *Nyx with a sock on her head* as a proof or something ? Bad Celestia, bad !(Also, Batty… the accent… I can BARELY read what you write in your comments, when you do it… just saying.)
Pinkie Sense can detect Spies?!VALVE, TIME FOR A NEW TF2 CLASS!!!
I Only read this because of the images which are amazing, i hope someone will make a full comic with this story
@Cold in Gardez I wouldn't call her a coward for doing what she did in her case. Celestia presented her case and Twilight accepted that it was the logical decision. However it wasn't until she ponied up she realized her mistake. As for Twi heading to the gallows I doubt Celestia would sentence her faithful student to that. Celestia will probably admit to twilight she made the grave mistake in handing over Nyx. Though twilight did agree to punishment should Nyx's true Identity come to light.
UGH. NEXUS, THAT SON OF A BITCH.HE HAS ALL MY SPADES AT THE MOMENT, ALL OF THEM.GRRRR.
I hope this story doesn't eventually qualify for the sad tag. I don't like reading stories with that tag as they make me break down. Last one i read i had to fight the break down until I was safely at home and wouldn't be a danger on the road.
My response to Chapter 10:F*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck F****************CK.Need… more…
many will not sleep well tonight..:)We will wait for the next release .
Pen Stroke. You beautiful, mad genius.
I'm still hoping that Nightmare Moon will be defeated and Nyx will survive. Waiting anxiously for the next part of a great story…
@Bugsydor For the love of Nyx, draw this! And take all my money, ALL MY MONEY!
Oh, and Nyx in a sock broke my D'awwwwwwwwwww meter!
I think my heart broke.
@PopcornOh, zhat ez so adorable! I fhind it fhunny zhat you actually zhink zhat Nyx und Nightmare Moon are actually two separate ponies.Zhat ez right, Nyx really vaz Nightmare Moon ze untire time!
AND YOU, BATTY GLOOM, YOU ARE SO COOL. A better team of writers has never existed!And keep up the crazy accents!
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG best fan fic i have read so far, i cant wait tell the next update. I knew twilight was gonna flip when her daughter was being taken away but i was hoping for her to stand up and fight Celestia not just cry.
I don't know how to put this other than I love this. Everything about this story is perfect! It's sad yet you keep a feeling of hope through it all even when it gets to its worst. This is better written than a lot of big series! You truly got a talent man, I look forward to the end of this and I truly hope you continue to write long after this is over! Also Nyx is now my favorite character ever.
Now the question arises will Twilight be able to bring herself to fight Nyx/Nightmare Moon. And anybody else think that the fact Nyx has some of Twi's blood will play a role in the story?
@Anonymous…Because she was afraid of Nyx turinng into NM, like what happened.
*after reading chater 6*: "Dammit, it's all going to go to hell"*after reading chapter 10*: "Dammit, it all went to hell!"I was kinda hoping Nyx!NMM would attack Nexus and his followers just for the fun of it, but her pegging SP and DT was excellent.
AUGH!!!! such good writing! I can barely stand it!
I just hope you don't kill off Nyx as that would be horrible. Not even in the Sonic fandom have i become so attached to a fan character OC, and that fandom has a lot of fan characters.
This is amazing… Poor Nyx, though, I hope in the end she will be able to become a normal filly.
And then, Nyx was the best OC ponyNyx is just so… NNNNNNNGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!*ahem*, this story has been very entertaining and enjoyable and I need more of this, like, NAO!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sorry, but that last update broke my heart, can you send me a new one soon?…please?
It's amazing how many comments this fic has gotten.
Celestia is now in need of a "Nice going breaking it Hero" speech. Out of fear of what MIGHT be, she took an innocent filly from its mother, and plotted to MURDER it. Now Nightmare Moon is back, complete with all her memories— including the memory of Celestia dragging her, screaming and crying, from her mother's arms… way to validate her hatred of you, yer majesty.
@KillerowlI would, but sadly I have yet to learn to draw ponies (on my to-do list 😉 ), so I just wouldn't be able to do it justice.
@BugsydorI actually sent your comment to the artist behind some of the art seen here, I'm eagerly awaiting his response :3
@AnonymousOooooooooooooooooooooooh! Looks like more skulls for the skull throne I mean more tropes for the trope page! Well, off to add "Nice job breaking it, hero!" To the Past Sins page.Anyhow, I think you were thinking of something more along the lines of a "the Reason You Suck" speach.Also, found a couple of entries for the tearjerker page. You all know which scenes I am talking about, right?
This story now needs a "Sad" tag thanks to chapter 10. The poem was an awesome touch by the way.
AGHLBABBLEBABBLE!!That last chapter made me feel like there was a lead weight in my chest it was so heavy! I'm so scared to know where this is going to go, but I MUST!This is starting to feel like the One True "MLP:FiM Movie." Seriously…
Well done, sir. A triumph from start to…well, middle, I suppose. I can't wait for more chapters. I still have hope for our favorite alicorn filly turned dark queen. She's her own pony now, not merely the manifestation of another's bitterness and anger. She probably can't ever go back to being just Nyx, and even if she could, the citizens of Ponyville would certainly treat her differently, but she's experienced true friendship and love now. She has a choice: cling to what she was, and in so doing, condemn all of her newly found friends and loved ones to certain death, or try to forge a new identity for herself. Based on the way she behaved in Chapter 10–when she avoided Scootaloo's eyes, and when she disavowed Twilight as her mother for her betrayal–I doubt either option will be easy for her. But that's what makes things interesting, right? Choices. As Steinbeck and Mumford & Sons pointed out, "Timshel." Thou mayest. In the end, she'll be whoever she wants to be.And kudos to Batty as well. He's earned "zat ach-zent," because together, he and Pen Stroke make "ze magics."
Twilight is my favorite pony, but I just want to slap her for sitting there and not doing anything. She could have atleast explained what was happening or given Nyx some sort of assurance, but no she sit and looks at the damn floor. And Celestia not letting twilight come along, knowing their obvious relationship…. No words can describe my feelingsAnd then you end the update with that cliffhanger….Pen Stroke, you are amazing.
@RyanAh, vell done! You caught mien inspiration! Yes, Photo Finish ez ze best one-shot pony.Anyvay, zhank you for ze kind words. Et ez…actually scary zhat you vere able read so much ento ze fic…WAIT, WHO SAID YOU COULD READ FROM MIEN NOTES! I WILL BUCK YOU!(Seriously, though, just kidding. We're both thrilled to have entertained as many people as we can. We love this fandom!)
Nyx better not be gone for good, not if you excuse me, I have a possible emotional break down I need to sleep through.
Have these ponies never heard of self-fulfilling prophecies?While twilight was confronted by celestia, I wanted her desperately to bring up the fact that if they kept assuming the worst and treating Nyx like a monster, uprooting her suddenly and violently, they will make her hate them and thus become the monster nightmare moon.And that if they treated her with all the love and respect that she wanted in the first place, she would have no reason to be angry. If they built strong enough bonds, they could overcome it, especially since they'd been given a blank slate.No. Treat her like a monster. This is what you get.
CH.10 :>The purple unicorn didn’t know what hit her as Nyx tackled her unofficial mother-''unofficial'' ? Huh ? …remember 'blood', ''genetic', 'SCIENCE!' ? Twilight really need to open a book on biology or something.>What further evidence do you need that Nyx is Nightmare Moon?”-That's your first *Boot to the Head* ''Miss''. :(>If you form a statue from clay, it is made of clay. If Nyx was made from what remained of Nightmare Moon, then she is-”-made of Nightmare Moon… not ''IS Nightmare Moon''… Celestia kinda just shot her own logic there.>What if more of her memories return, and she remembers her hatred for Equestria-Well, Nyx kinda remembered that she wanted to kill Twilight at some point… didn't stop her from loving-Twilight-to-death, hmm ?>I cannot risk the safety and future of Equestria when you have offered no solid evidence that Nyx and Nightmare Moon are not the same.-Well sorry Miss ''Princess'', but your arguments aren't what I would call ''solid'' neither ? Rather based on suppositions and second-class proofs and ''I want her to be Nightmare Moon so hard''.>he will be dispelled and the lingering energy purified.”-*Boot to the Head* #2 ''Princess''… she's starting to collect them like stamps.>“But she doesn’t remember doing any of that! She’s just a filly. She deserves a chance to live, to be happy.”-Yeah. Also, chances are that if you *Hammer* in her mind that she's Evil and Nightmare Moon and that nopony like her, well, that she will become it… So stop repeating it, you 'silly' Princess.>How many ponies will she hurt trying to overthrow me and Luna?-Aren't you TWO! (2!) Alicorns now ?! Me think that 2 trained Alicorns VS 1 newly grown Alicorn would win, no ?And, it's not like ''agents'' would go blind, stop checking on her status from time to time, and forget that Nyx exist until it's too late, right ?… Feels like Celestia is SO convinced that Nyx IS 9000% Nightmare Moon, that she blocks or filters almost everything not going ''her way'' ? No wonder some ponies want to overthrown her ? …>“Take the filly into custody-And she doesn't even tell them to be gentle or anything ? Damn cold hearthed b… Celestia, yeah, that's what I meant, yes… And ponies wonder ''how/where'' the ''Trollestia'' comes from ?Here I will stop for 3sec. and look above this line…Yep… A revolution sounds good, who's with me ? I will provide the meteors and laser-guided weapons !…damn, this ONE part makes me think and wonder (at the screen ?) a LOT… and not like Celestia a lot, let's just say.—–>“If Nyx is truly not Nightmare Moon… then the harm I’ve done to her and Twilight… I doubt I will ever truly be able to make amends.”-HAH ! You got that right.>the little black filly was replaced with a pony far larger, clad in midnight blue armor and with a mane and tail of flowing magic.>“I am so sorry Twilight.”-For what ?? It's just an image ? It doesn't mean much nor show the deeds and actions she may or may not have done in the future ??>It was all too late that Celestia realized the treachery that thrived in her royal court.-At this precise moment, a pony somewhere in the world invented… a new word… in order to properly translate ''how MUCH she derped''.Derplestia, the word was.
To be fair this sequence of events was visible from miles away and was to be expected. Even without that mega-spoiler image with the super-WMD-spoiler: "What else can you be when the world only sees a monster"That does not stop this story from pulling it off well and managing to make an OC pony… not seem like an OC pony. All my stars. Take them
[Somewhat pointless spoiler warning]I have to admit, I wanted to see "The Miracle of Twilight" play out when Celestia took Nyx away.
YOU FUCKING IDIOT CELEST!!!
Curse you… PEN STROOOOOOOOOOOOOOKE!!!Are you serious!? I was begging, B-E-G-G-I-N-G, for Twilight to do something, anything. When Nyx shouted Mommy I damn near dropped my phone from which I was reading. As it is, this story made me cry again. Yes, cry, not shed tears, or manly tears, but actually cry. My favourite OC pony and my favourite canon pony being torn from each other laid the waterworks, and Nyx's cry let them loose. Twilight's shout just served to make me cry longer… I haven't cried from any story or movie since I was 6 years old. This story first left me with two tears of happiness, and now I honestly need to grab a different pillow because my current is too cold from my tears.My sad feelings aside, the lingering anger comes to the forefront. You bastard, how could you!?…However, instead of cursing you, I've turned that anger into energy to fuel my inner critic who so rarely comes to play. I noticed a few places where.words were mispelled/misplaced (a lot actually. I have a knack for slipping through errors such as those and reading the intended message. Normally I do it unconsciously, but I started to notice it I had to do it so much.) Also, I saw one or two tense disagreements. That said, I never critique without offering to show a full account of all I noticed. If you'd like, I'll go over the entire story and mark everything. Although, its just the last four chapters that got me. Has Batty been editing for you and was unavailable for these last four? I know it says "assisted by", but I don't know what it means. Don't want to step in Batty's way. I also never critique without listing the good parts. This story had my heart racing, my brain trying to convince itself the inevitable wasn't going to happen, and it had my whispering to my phone as I cried. Not to mention the fact that I dropped everything to read it. I had planned on reading one chapter a day, but… Dinner needs to be rehearse now ;)You're an amazing author, Pen Stroke, and I honestly like your story more than Harry Potter. Better watch out, Rowling.
This just keeps getting better and better. This newest cliffhanger just left me begging for more. I don't know how you get better every chapter, but it just keeps happening. By the time this is over, I swear I'll have a new favorite fanfic. Just… please keep writing. I need more. Nyx is just… easily my favorite OC, and I really want to read more about her.
I've posted a couple of times already since reading the update, but I realize that I have yet to post my reaction. Well, here goes!As I completed chapter 10, my eyes unfocused. My mind was empty except for a haze. It felt like a cross between having fallen and slammed the back of my head on the ground, and the pre-drome to a migraine. I sat in that dazed state, staring through my monitor, for a number of minutes.I wasn't crying; I was a bit beyond that. When I finally came to, I finished reading the poem and thought. I had been hoping for irrational stuff to happen like Nyx instantly rebelling against the cultists or just shrinking in fear at the shocked townsfolk, but I knew that such things would not work at all for the story. They would be too convenient, and you writers are too good to take the easy Deus Ex Machina way out of it. It wouldn't make for a good story anyhow.I read the poem, and a little spark of hope returned. I know that you meant it when you said that this story would never deserve the Grimdark or Sad tags. I can't see how Nyx will redeem herself or go back to a semi-normal life as Twilight's daughter (if that is even the plan), but that is why you two are the fanfic authors and not me. If you disappoint us, though, and those tags pop onto this story, you might want to be on the lookout for lynchmobs.You guys have a lot of power over the hearts of men. You shattered many today, mine included. Please have the decency to help us pick up the pieces.Sorry for being overly dramatic, but I had to get that out of my system. I have never read anything before, fanfic or "professional" writing, that has moved me this deeply. Keep up the excellent work. It's a shame that you don't own the license to this so that you cannot profit from this fine piece of work. If you did somehow manage to acquire a license to get this thing printed, I would buy a copy STAT.
I…I don't even no where to start. This story had me laughing to tears forming around my eyes. Twilight is my favorite pony and this just rips my heart apart. Few things in life make me cry and the very least a fanfic. When twilight cried screamed after Celestia took Nyx, I stopped reading and bawled on the spot along her. You sir have truly created a masterpiece here.
*reads update posted today, reaches cliffhanger*…oh, alicorn-damnit
ARGHLARBLRAGRARGH*twitch*That poem is probably the only reason I'm cogent right now. Need updates. Need cute Nyx. Need everything to be allright.
i….freaking…love this story.. ❤
@VladAll I ken say about zhis update iz zhat ze anticipation will be excruciating.
There are legitimate tears in my eyes. The scene where they took her away and she screamed "mommy"…..and the ending. Oh god, you've broken my heart with this most recent chapter. I just want Nyx back, to be a little filly again and she and Twilight to live happily ever after as mother and daughter. ;_____;Nothing is beautiful and everything hurts.
This fic is awesome. Pure, unadulterated awesome.I can't wait for the second act. The poem at the end still gives me hope that things will end well…
I was bored waiting for Fallout: Equestria to come out. Then I found this and now all I want is for this to come out with the next part 😀
Pen Stroke, you magnificent Bastard!How dare you leave me with a cliffhanger!I demand MORE!
Ok, successfully created the tearjerker page for this story on TVTropes and added a couple of scenes from the most recent chapter. I hope you're happy, Pen Stroke.
I like that the story is moving on and has a dedicated plot…But I can't help but think we're missing out on a lot more potential stories for nyx.I really hope you find a way to work in more Nyx stories as side stories, or leave the ending open for a return to those or… or… Something.You've created one hell of an OC, and you basically just committed fanfanfiction murder here!I hope you know what you're doing…
I-… I broke down in tears Nyx cried "Mommy" in chapter ten. I LITERALLY started CRYING while reading some FAN story based on a little GIRLS show based on TOYS. The last time I cried like that was when I was a very little boy throwing an utterly pointless FIT. I have never actually cried at something sad before… I mean sure I have teared up a little… maybe even shed my second man tear two nights ago when I first read this fic… my first tear of sadness… but this… is a completely different experience. I have to say that this is the most sorrow I have ever felt in my life… usually I accept sorrowful things and let them go with the help of some meaningful words… but I don't want to accept this, even though this just seems all too much like a childish fit to me. What have ponies turned me into? Is it some horrible person on FOX? Am I some kind of mewling child in an adult body now? Why does my heart ache? What is love? (Baby don't hurt me) Why do I feel so much emotion for a work of FICTION?! Is it truly nothing more than just that? Huh?… Since when do I have a Man card? I could have sworn I've never had this before.
All I can say is that this hurt me….PHYSICALLY, and this in itself is a feat. I most times only ''feel'' when a relative dies. I was both enraged and heart broken by this and can only hope this will end in a good place so my heart will stop this aching.
As much as I wanted to be mad at Celestia, I understand her actions, and probably would have acted similarly were I in her place. The only thing I would have done differently was let Twilight talk to Nyx and comfort her before taking her away. Seriously though, this is some really good stuff. Can't wait to see where it goes from here. Also, the Zecoraism at the end was a nice touch, if only because it reassured me that everything could still workout.
My heart, she has stopped beating. This story is too amazing and actually succeeded in making me cry. I only hope the next updates are swift for after I finished ch.10 I'm just sitting here dumbfounded and clicking ch.11 repeatedly.
Now I'm just depressedPlease hurry and fix that
Why does Celestia and the others that know to truth behind Nyx never think about nature vs. nurture? If Nyx can be raised in a loving home, surrounded by friends and taught to embrace her powers for the better then Nyx could fight off Night Mare Moon should she ever rise in Nyx’s mind. If Nyx has the will and the strength she could very well keep Night Mare at bay.
@Hope LoneheartVell…I ken't say much about ze whole nature vs. nurture side, vhich is a gud point.Haowevah…zhere ez no Nightmare Moon to face at zhis point…Nyx und Nightmare Moon are one und ze same.Naow haow zhat affects ze rest of ze story…I'm afraid I ken not tell. Ze next update, we will send et to Seth az soon az et ez done.
Ok, finished updating the trope page with Mood Whiplash and Heroic BSOD. I feel that there are plenty of other tropes to fill that page with, so to whoever here is a troper: Show this story's page some love!People here don't mind me posting whenever I update the tropes page, do they? If it is too annoying I will stop and just update it quietly…
Ye know…In moments like these i'm thankful i don't imagine too much when readingThis Asshole of a Writer just had to put in chapter 10(grimdark & sad) with all the characters going out of char…Without even a WARNINGI must say if i ever find out where he and his TF2 addicted medic live then i'm gonna hire a bunch of thugs to kidnap them and torture the crap out of them cupcakes styleYou DO NOT…mess with A MAN that way when it comes to stories, You Do not, give them a bunch of cute Daaww inducing scenes and then BAM GrimDark and Sad Tags out of a sudden, and just to top it off they screw up Twilight and Celestia's personalities, yeh we don't care just take her away like that, Not like that character made 2000+ people care for her or anything, who cares about Nyx…surely not us…Wait till i find you, you sadistic son of a fucksBatty Gloom, Pen Stroke……I'm Coming To Get You…''hangs off''http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwfcc2TI-AM&feature=player_detailpage#t=467shttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-hg4OmJpbo&feature=player_detailpage#t=20s
@Hope Loneheart I'd love to believe that, but there is nothing I, myself, can do now to fix my broken heart. At least he let us know that Celestia didn't take away Nyx heartlessly.
I can't sleep. I don't know if it's the heat, the caffeine, the Powerade, or the fact that I may have come to love Nyx as a child rather than a fictional character.in any case, I think you may have written the story TOOO well.
@Hope LoneheartAs to why Celestia doesn't think about that, let me introduce you to my good friend the idiot ball. Sometimes, a character has to be uncharacteristically stupid for a part of a story to work. This could not have worked out as good fiction any other way that I can see. See also: rule of drama.
@AnonymousI think everyone is still in shock. I know I am…*manly tears*Keep up the great work! I can't wait to see what happens next. (And thank you for being one of many to warm my heart to well-written fan fiction. It's fics like this that have changed my opinion of fan fics for the best!)
Bronyboy sad.
I can't say that I won't want to read this until the very end, but I am never… Ever… EVER! going to read a story like this again if all it does is break my heart… not even a relationship with a woman has broken my heart this badly.The combination of the stars aligning for the bad guy, Twilight's emotions, and Nyx's emotions was too much for my not-gonna-cry-face to handle.
@Batty GloomYou are very silly, and I like you. 😀
Can't wait to read more of this great fic. Keep up the good work.
@Rambo The CriticI don't think that anypony broke character in this chapter, except maybe for Celestia's "take her into custody without bothering to have Twilight reassure Nyx or explain what is going on." Twilight was in the middle of a Heroic BSOD and therefore couldn't do squat about it, and she knows that it is the logical choice. What would you do if the God-Empress that you have known personally and loved for a good deal of your life came and took your baby away on the grounds that said child could destroy the world? I am pretty sure that I would be just sitting in the corner with my brain broken as well.Although this chapter has huge tearjerkers in it, this isn't truly Grimdark. Try thinking of this as more of a wham episode. Oooh! Another trope to add to the trope page!
"Mommy!" got me teary eyed. If there's ever a FiM movie this should be it.
@Wanderer D Teary eyed? I need a boat…
@Wanderer DI've been thinking that EXACTLY since I first started reading the story, actually…
Nyx… Nooooooooo!
Oh, a small nitpick…the past tense of "casting" is "cast". Just FYI. ^_^
This should be the pilot episode(s) for next season. Obviously would have to be changed around a bit or whatnot but the moral (or what I think the moral) could be is that one defines their own destiny and can decide their own life, regardless of the past.
@Batty GloomI must say, you two have made one of the best stories i have read in a long time. At the mercy of sounding like a tool, the story made me laugh and put me in the verge of tears. 6/5 stars. Also, is there an specific update schedule?
@UnknownI don't think that this story could be done justice with just 44 minutes of airtime.Anyhow, just updated the trope page again. I am on a roll with this tonight thanks to all of the scrutiny that chapter 10 is getting (and because it is currently lodged immovably in my brain…confound this chapter, it drives me to trope).For those of you who haven't made your way over there yet, you can find the link to the trope page here. Be sure to tell me if I screwed anything up like misusing a trope or applying spoiler tags inappropriately, or better yet edit it yourself!By the way, Killerowl, sweet avatar.
I cannot express my love for this story enough. This story, which I have read 10 chapters in one sitting and could not pull myself away from has made me, gasp in fear, laugh in excitement, filled me with giddiness, and at last made me cry. I don't know why this story affect e so much but i am having a difficult time believing that I can put my feelings into words. I FELT THE PAIN as Nyx was taken from Twilight and as I write this my throat swells and tears fill my eyes. I feel physically ill. I don't even know what I am trying to say…i have been going through some hard times recently and have been in kind of a emotional depression lately; As a result I had shut down somewhat and I had been trying to avoid have any emotion at all. I believe that this story has helped me a lot and potentially pulled me out of this downward spiral. So from the bottom of my heart I just wanted to personally thank you. I look forward to the next installment with bated breath and an open mind.
“Remember this night well!” She called out. "And no, not like that other night you had to remember. In fact you are free to forget about that one. Seriously, I won't be mad. Remember this one. this time I really mean it, no foaling around. Yeah, it's the real deal now. This time, the night shall last AT LEAST 20% longer! So, erm, better switch your clocks to DST"Uff, I needed a bit of a comical relief after that last chapter.
Eh, who cares about sleepin any way? Sleep is optional. Nyx isn't
@BugsydorThank you!Nyx is the best pony. ^^By the way, love your tropes page. I've always been a sucker for those.
Why must you do this!!!! IT IS SUCH AND EPIC STORY! BUT THE CLIFFHANGER AT PART 10 WHY OH WHY!!!! YOU MADE MY LITTLE BROTHER CRY!!! PLEASE HURRY UP WITH THE NEXT PARTS SO I CAN SLEEP WELL! YOU ARE FREAKEN EPIC!sincerely, a huge fan of the story
Nyx was forced to become Nightmare Moon.I knew this was going to happen from chapter one.I knew it when I saw the custom image.I'm still sad and angry at the same time because it still happened despite reading on, hoping it wouldn't, and I'll not be able to sleep tonight.Waiting for 11.
Oh man…Here's hoping Twilight gets a chance to give Celestia a ROYAL chewing out for the screw up combo platter she just served up… And maybe with Luna helping her do it too.
@BugsydorYou're not even MARRIED!
There's gonna be sooooooooooooooo maaany Hate comments on Chapter 10…just you wait
Hiya! Just a quick note: a tomb is a place for dead people to sit, while a tome is a kind of book. 🙂
@TastImagine, if you will, reading up to chapter 10, and not realizing the poem was at the bottom of the page. That is how I read chapter 10. My phone had not loaded the poem, so I read that heart wrenching climax of the horror without the promise of dawn… Luckily, I read the comments and got to wondering (between sniffles and sobs) "what poem?" So I summoned my reslove (what's left of it at least. I'll never be able to read a [Normal] story the same way again.) and reopened chapter 10 and scrolled to the bottom. It was like I had a terminal case of heartache, courtesy of Pen Stroke and Batty, but they handed me the medicine to start the, supposedly impossible, healing process. I love you guys so much, but that doesn't invalidate my first comment. You're still bastards, but you're magnificent bastards. Amazing story, and I'm begging you (I'll pay) for the next chapters.And no damn cliffhangers…
@Rambo The CriticGood point. However, I stand by my earlier statement that I wouldn't be able to do squat. Then again, my typical reaction to something shocking or traumatic is to BSOD. Not the best reaction, but that's what I tend to do, particularly when a deep betrayal is involved. We already have canon examples of Twilight cracking under pressure in the form of heroic BSOD, so I don't see how this is particularly out of character for her.As I don't have a wife and kids yet, I cannot tell for sure what exactly I would do. I think Twilight's reaction is within the normal range, though.
Hmm, so Celestia has to play the part of the bad guy in the story? I know she has the best intentions and for the plot to work things needed to go down like they went down, but I just don't think Celestia would drag a filly screaming for her mommy away to be possibly executed. She would have at least had Twilight come along, and if Nyx was definitely shown to be Nightmare Moon reborn she could have been placed in Canterlot to be monitered, with Twilight brought to live with her. Heck, even explaining to Nyx what was going on would have made things less gut wrenching. "Hey Nyx, you could possibly turn into Nightmare Moon and hurt your friends and your mom. Want to come with us to check that out?" "Holy crap I don't want to hurt anyone. Guess I'll come along." bam, easy.I love the story, but in order for Celestia's characterization to be part of that love she needs to have some darn good reasons for her actions other then, "We needed a way for Nightmare Moon to be reborn and have reason not to immediately side with her mother". I'm hoping Celestia has some kind of secret plan.Celestia 4 life.
I hope Nyx goes back to being a filly again in the end.She was cute like that.
You should have a reason as to why Nexus prefers Nightmare over Celestia.There's no point doing something without a reason.
@Anonymous The thought about Nyx losing her childhood and possibly never getting to experience it all the way through really breaks my heart. And it also makes me cry uncontrollably!I just want to hug Nyx and make everything all right!
Also, I foresee the picture of Twilight standing at the gallows coming into pass quite soon. I can imagine that – to add a bit of hilarity to the tragedy – both Celestia and Nightmare Moon could come to save her at roughly the same time.
Can I be honest and not get lynched, bronies? This piece is boring and I don't understand how it can get 6 stars like Progress and Fallout and I don't think it deserves it. I thought it was some ironic hipster thing at first.I stopped reading after the 4th chapter. Yeah, I know the old "it gets better after a while" but frankly if a story can't even interest the read after almost 5 chapters, it's entirely acceptable to assume it won't get any better and move on and never look back. My biggest gripe is probably the characters, both official and Nyx. Rarity and Applejack are alright, but Pinkie is somehow not funny and Twilight, my favorite, seems OOC. Actually taking in a filly she doesn't even know, with barely any hesitation, whom she pretty much knows is Nightmare Moon, a being who's pretty much Satan in the actual show and tried to kill all her friends? Not bloody likely. And then there's Nyx. Honestly? She's bland and uninteresting as a character, even for an amnesiac. Frankly I couldn't bring myself to care when got bullied and tricked by DT and SS. Dare I say that she has Mary Sue traits, seeing as how everyone immediately likes her? Hell if she wasn't Nightmare Moon she'd just be a another generic Sue. I don't even think being a child really excuses anything.tl;dr: Anon nobody cares about dislikes this, suffers Hype Backlash.
@Anonymous We still love you!
I want Nyx back! QQ
Chapter 10 made me a sad brony. Here's hoping for a happy ending (and another update soon!)
It's almost 5 in the morning and I still can't sleep. The events of Chapter 10 just keep resurfacing. How did you make me care so much about an OC and about Twilight Sparkle that I lose sleep over it? What is this witchcraft?
^negative anon hereNot sure why you're sad someone doesn't like it but okay.
I love this but you need to go over chapter 9 again. The past tense of cast is … cast. Not casted. There are a few instances of mistakes when Celestia and Nexus are talking, actually. I didn't notice anything previous to that though.Noticed nothing with chapter 10 either.
@ Negative anonDon't worry about it, everyone has different tastes. For example, I love this story to bits and was awed by FO:E, but I actually wasn't that entertained by Progress. It's got funny moments, like Abacus, and the idea is clever, but I feel it's delivery needs a lot of work.
nice story and all, but I have been thinking and have come to the conclusion that the plan of the cultists was doomed to fail from the beginning.1: last time, nightmare moon was basically holding Luna hostage. this time, Celestia has no such reason to hold back.2: Celestia has every reason to hold a grudge against nightmare, given the thousand years of grief she brought last time.3: nightmare is up against two alicorns this time, rather than just one4: they will soon have to deal with an angry mother!Twilight.tl;dr: their plan is doomed to fail.
I stopped reading Fallout Equestria pretty early on, only kinda liked Progress and thought it was a bit gimmicky and loved this story. Everyone has different opinions, huh?
Why cant i read part 11?
I hope from the bottom of my heart that Twilight has a Mrs. Weasley "NOT MY DAUGHTER, YOU BITCH!" moment.
I am somebody who really likes Celestia, because I do see her as the gentle, benevolent ruler trying to do everything for her subjects.So reading chapter 10 was really grating on me.The problem I have is not that she took Nyx. As much as it was a terrible tragedy on a personal level, I can see that it was what she had to do, as someone who's responsible for the well-being of everyone. The way in which she did it is another matter, as others have already mentioned.But that's still not the problem I had with her. No, the problem I had is that she basically did nothing against the cult. For someone who's lived to see countless generations, she seems remarkably oblivious to the things going on around her. Alright, I realise that of course this impression stems somewhat from the fact that we, the readers, know what the cult is actually doing, unlike her limited perspective.But still, she knows there's a dangerous cult around that tried to resurrect Nightmare Moon, and almost succeded. So they are obviously powerful and dangerous. Yet she doesn't take any sort of precaution. I would have at least expected her to rotate the guards for the research team as a precaution against infiltration of the guard. But no, the cultist guard was there all the time.Or that she would have Nexus' spell explained to her, or verified by someone else instead of just letting him do whatever he wants. Anything, really. But apart from Nyx, she apparently just ignores the existence and possible threat from the cult. Even if they arrested a lot of them, ignoring them like she did is just foolish.Something that's hard to stomach when we're talking about an immortal goddess…In the end, I really disliked her because of that. I'm still debating with myself whether it broke my suspension of disbelief though by being too out of character for Celestia (in my own view of her character, of course)…—————–tl;dr:Celestia deals with the cult like a fool, seems hard to believe.
^^^N Anon here, yeah I'm aware of that. Opinions are like butts, everyone has them, each is different, etc. I still heavily disagree with, in my view, a mediocre Sue story gaining 6 star status, a plotload of fanart of said Sue, and an inexplicably passionate fanbase. Then again, I don't understand why anyone likes reality shows or Justin Bieber, so whatever.Also to be honest I haven't read Fallout in a while but it has nothing to do with the story getting worse or whatever.
this story is waaay too overrated.
This is the first fan fiction of anything I've ever read (Cupcakes doesn't count) – It's absolutely brilliant, eagerly awaiting updates!
End of chapter 10… son-of-a… Okay, dammit, I'm hooked. I wanna know what happens next, and I hope (really truly hope) that things turn around because dammit…Okay, you're doing fantastic with this story when I'm sitting there at the end of the chapter going "Nooo!! Don't leave me hanging!!" Looking forward to the next chapter (And hoping beyond hope that Nyx comes back out of the darkness she just got into).
I just wish the damn editor/pre-reader/whatever for this was better, and actually knew what they were doing. Errors all over the place that detract from what is a perfectly good 4 or 5 star story, even with the issues Al Capony and 5:02 Anon raised.
Can we all agree certain cultist ponies, and a certain member of royalty should be nova-6 gased? Not Nightmare though, I still have hope for her.
Perfect.I daren't add any more to my analogy lest I fail to do the story justice.
I lost it when she became nightmare moon but if anyone can get her back Twilight can
The characterisation of everypony is so strong in this, and this became clear with Pinkie Pie and her 'Pinkie Sense'. However, my main gripe is that in most fics, Celestia is a terrible judge of character. 😐 That's not limited to this fic, but it does crop up.I cannot wait for more, and congrats on 6 stars!
OK 3 things:1. This is possibly the best Fanfic I have ever read, and certainly the best MLP one (considering tho only MLP one i've read is Cupcakes)2. That image is becoming my wallpaper!3. You need to send this to the Hub. I can totally see this as the script for an MLP movie!
@AnonymousZhat ez explained en chaptah 16. But I will not tell you et to you. Zhat ez your punishment for being empatient with un enncomplete story.
Twilight should of told Nyx her fears about Celestia, as well as insisted on going with Nyx while Celestia checks her out.
I got to ask, Pen stroke, which voice actor would you use for Nyx? Personally I'd use Rarity's on helium.Also, Trixie is Nyx' will-be-dad?
So Celestia, anything else you'd like to screw up tonight?
@AffixiationHi, Cassandra the turret!
Here is a two-fer for the Tropes page:High Octane Nightmare Fuel/Adult Fear: Twilight was afraid that Celestia would take her daughter away. Celestia was afraid that an Eldretch Abomination was loose in her kingdom, plotting to overthrow her and her sister, and bring about nighttime eternal. Celestia's kneejerk reaction to HER fear resulted in BOTH their fears coming true.
……………. after chapter 10 my heart is broken and manly tears can't stop dropping :O moment when Twi and Nyx both yellied their names when Tia take away our little filly away was so so so so painful T_T I beg you for sake of GOD make Nyx come back in the end so she can happy live with Twi… even without powers of Alicorn.. just normal cute little unicorn filly. Nyx was also summed by using Twi blood so somehow if Nightmare Moon will be defeated, Nyx should still be alive by power of Twi connections and then it will be like mother and daughter…CAN'T STOP FEELING THIS SAD EMOTIONS INSIDE MY HEART :< I WANT TO CRY SO BADLY EVEN IF I'M GUY Q.Q
@AnonymousI AM an actual german and I was not trolling.If you really didn't mean to be offensive, then I forgive you. Whether you want me to or not. ;3I was just offended because I REALLY hate nazis and don't want to be seen as one, ever.But I don't like beer. Any beer. Ever. And I am not involved, in any way, in making it. So, just for the record, that compliment was not for me.
It's all over for Nyx now, now it is Nightmare Moon with a guilty conscience. And with the narration continue to call her Nyx just made my moist eyes leak.Game OverNow… with that I don't know if EoH have what it takes to banish who they once loved dearly…Hmm sounds familiar.Ugh… What a cruel cruel twist of fate, I don't think I can fathom what pain Twilight could be suffering.
>Part 10Okay…you got me.I cried.I'm so sorry Twilight…
Have faith in tags. It's [normal] not [sad]. It may be hard to see Nyx coming back now, but I have a reasonable amount of hope that everything will be well in the end.
@AnonymousI can really picture Celestia headdesking so hard she gets a concussion at her own stupidity, once she has time to think about it.
Oh god, I'm starting to fear that everything in the right side of the cover picture will actually happen… especially the elements of harmony being defeated. The original purpose of Twi's blood in the spell was to try and make NMM imune to the elements, so that could very well happen. :O*thinks of bottom right part of the picture*Twilight! NOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooo…… :'(I can only cling to the hope provided by the comment at the end of chapter 10 and the [Normal] tag of the story… >_>
YOU BASTARDYOU FUCKING BASTARD I AM GOING TO PUT YOU IN A DUNGEONTHEN I AM GOING TO BANISH YOU TO THE MOONTHEN I AM GOING TO BANISH THE DUNGEON TO THE MOONAND PUT YOU IN IT
@banjo2E Uhhhh… *is reminded of Misery*…Pen, you're up-to-date on your medical insurance, right? …maybe you should lay low for a bit, and not do anything that could jeopardize your health…
Sleep didn't help. I miss Nyx.
@BugsydorHey, since you're a proof-positive troper, can you tell me what defines a troper? Because I READ a lot of TvTropes, but I have this feeling that I don't technically count as a troper because I never actually write anything there.
@ theuncalledforLurkers count as tropers too! It's basically anyone who reads TVTropes and has an understanding of the storytelling devices used in different media as a result. At least, that's how I see it. I don't really communicate on the forums there, I just lurk and add examples here and there, maybe add a fic onto the fanfic rec page now and then.
Slightly OOC for Celestia. don't you think?First off, she puts immense trust into her student's judgement. She wouldn't have sent her after a dragon if she didn't.Secondly, she was ready to forgive Luna for her Nightmare Moon trip before the latter showed even a hint of remorse. But the filly that has yet to do anything, that one is treated like a criminal? I do hope Celestia has a good reason for her behaviour, and isn't just the one who has to hold the idiot ball so that Nyx is properly mistreated.
if i was those duddetes from mlp i would make this into a movie.and if i could draw i would make this a comic the whole thing.i fell in love with a story XD
@AnonymousZhere ez a reazon und et ez actually en ze next chaptah. Haowevah, becauze of everyvun's concerns, we have also given et ze facelift to make et bettah…so en a vay, everyvun's concerns ez actually making ze next several chaptahs bettah.
@Batty GloomThat's some good news! 😀
@Anonymous>some FAN story based on a little GIRLS show based on TOYSQuite sure that you just confused G4 with G1 to G3.5, or something.
@Batty GloomPlease… no more faked accents… it doesn't help with anything.Really, please ?
@KillerowlNah, we don't.
>starts working on another comic for this.
Nyx in socks! I demand more!
SpoilersHmm. Well, I'm sad, but not for the same reasons most bronies are I reckon. This was very obviously where the story was going to go. So emotionally, chapter 10 didn't really leave much of an impact. It was way to predictable for that.What I expect to happen know is that we get the confrontation spread out over an unknown amount of chapters, but in the end most if not all ponies will probably survive and live to be happy. I'm sure there will be hardship in between, but in the end I reckon Nyx will go back to being a little filly. She may or may not remember her time as adult Nightmare Moon, but she will probably remain in Twilights care.I may be wrong. But that still doesn't change the real reason I'm sad. Whatever happens, Nyx is gone for now and probably for most of the story. We might get a little bit of her at the end once more, but I reckon it won't be much. And that kind of stings. While I suppose I can see why some bronies consider her a Mary Sue, I strongly disagree. Even is she is, I don't care. I like her. A lot. And it would be such a shame if we will see very little to nothing of her for the remainder of the story. Yet I fear that is the case.
Chapter 10:nice,nice… ok…. Twilight?! what are you doing!N..no!NO!NONONONONO!NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!D= D= D= D= D=
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qcQ3iegpZTc"Thanks for all you've doneI've missed you for so longI can't believe you're goneYou still live in meI feel you in the windYou guide me constantlyI've never knew what it was to be alone, noCause you were always there for meYou were always there waitingAnd ill come home and I miss your face soSmiling down on meI close my eyes to see"I finished reading 10 chapter like 6hours ago but I still see in my mind Nyx that cry and yell "MOMMY!!!" and Twilight when she tries to rescue her T_T Can't stop being so sad whole day and I want to cry so bad even if I'm 20 years old guy 😦 + listening to Alter Bridge song makes me more more more
@Nova25Nope.avi
This is beautiful… This piece shows the capabilities of the written word. I have never felt such a different range of emotions from a written work. In chapter 10 alone I felt happiness, anger, betrayal, determination, sadness, betrayal again, satisfaction, then ends with sympathy. Kudos to the authors…. This is absolutely amazing. If you two have not written a novel before you might want to get into it. I know I would pay to read more pieces written like this.
And now the best part of the story is just begining. I think that the tag will posibly change in the following chapters.This was an expected turn of events but I like where this is headed.I'll give you 1 tip: don't be afraid of killing, hurting or making dissappear characters and don't be afraid of making a sad ending if you think that is nessesary. Tragedy is as good as drama or comedy.Do whatever you think is better it's YOUR story.With nothing more to say I thank you for making such a wonderful fic.
@Batty Gloom Dude watAnd drop the accent.
@Anonymousnope.avihttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvdf5n-zI14
There are no words ;_;
@BareeSpoilers I agree with you, but still Nyx crying out for mommy really made me sad.That's also something I like about this story, even when I know what is about to happen, this story still makes me sad.But what really broke my heart was when I realised, a while after I finished reading, that Nyx just lost her childhood (If she's not turned back that is). When I that thought crossed my mind I started sobbing uncontrollably. It made me so sad…Please bring her back!
Chapter ten just blew me away… :O
@Killerowl"But what really broke my heart was when I realised, a while after I finished reading, that Nyx just lost her childhood (If she's not turned back that is). When I that thought crossed my mind I started sobbing uncontrollably. It made me so sad…"Yeah. Poor Nyx 😦
Looks like Celestia was mistaken.Nix really gone or just been wasted? Doom so close she can almost tate it.
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If you carve a statue from stone, then it is made of stone. If you form a statue from clay, it is made of clay.Has it ever ouccured to her that you can shape clay and model stone?
Why, Twilight?
Celestia better be carefull that she dosen't wake up with a human's head in her bed.On another note: Love the fic. I felt sadness welling up in my chest at chap 10. I hope Twilight gets Nix back. Aufwiedersehn
I kinda thought it would happen this way… *sigh*
Why do so many bronies keep misspelling Nyx! It's an "Y" not an "I". It's a three letter word, it can't be that hard! 😦
@theuncalledforWell, you are almost a troper. I lurked for a couple of years before I actually did anything. My first time actually troping was fixing some errors on a Doctor Whoof fanfic's page (Mines of Dragon Mountain, to be precise).In my view, as soon as you edit a page you become a troper. Before that you are a lurker. This fanfic's trope page is my first real project as a troper, as it was the first fanfic that I really felt passionate about.If you feel like you can contribute at all, then click on the "get known" link on TVTropes so that they have something to call you. Once that is done, edit away!
@Batty GloomYay! Maybe that means that I can avoid putting idiot ball/idiot ball magnet onto the tropes page. Glad to see that it is finally attracting some of the Wiki Magic, by the way.
This just in. Nyx broke the record for shotest time to faveorite, taking the title away from Derpy Hooves, long-time cross-eyed champion.
If you're really reading page 4 of the comments before reading the story, then you should just stop and read it now. That said, spoilers ahoy….I hope you're happy, Pen and Batty. First you killed me with d'awwwwww and cute lil Nyx, and now you pull my heart out and blow it up with a prototype medigun at Nyx being taken away by Celestia and turned into Nightmare Moon because my heart wasn't strong enough for it. No wonder you're going to lose your medical licenses. I'll admit, at first I didn't know what to think of this story. The opening image is the largest spoiler I've seen since the preview for the Dragon Ball Z episode "His Name is Cell". It sucked me in, but I feared it gave too much away. Instead, it compliments it completely, and gives me some things to look forward to if I weren't so dead right now. The writing itself, to be blunt, is absolutely amazing, but could use some work still. There are some grammatical mistakes I've picked out, a instance or two of a word misspelled, but it doesn't really detract from the story. I glance over those mistakes though, and focus on the story.And what can be said that others haven't already said? I love it. If there were any one story I could think of that could pull a reader into fanfiction and be a real FiM movie or entire season or even just a few episodes, it would be this (Better Living, what I thought was your penultimate story before I found this, being second for the pull reader into fanfiction and few episodes, but not a movie or season). The OC characters feel genuine. Nyx is the biggest amount of d'awww this side of Luna (in or without socks), and I love her. The evil cult guys, while I can't understand them for jack, are well written and still believable. Proper Etiquette is the bestest name for a butler ever. The mane cast is very well done as well. Mother Twilight is twenty six(!) types of awesome. Pinkie is the MOST like Pinkie I have ever read. Rarity hasn't felt out of character, being Generosity and showing that. The others haven't gotten much time, but they still are themselves. And the Crusaders are still as annoying and crazy and cute as ever. You sure you two aren't actually writers for the show?The bullies… I want them dead or turned into cactus. After the latest chapter, I want Celestia dead or turned into a cactus. I want the evil cult to be turned into cactus. EVERY VILLAIN IS NOW CACTUS!I hope the next chapters arrive soon. I… I don't think I can live on in my death, even with the teaser of hope at the end of the last chapter. I fear each of the scenes left unseen in the preview image. Especially the bottom right. Twilight hanging… I think we're close to it, and I don't want to cry, but I already did during the last chapter, and I probably will again then.If this story ends happily, I will send you letters begging for a sequel. If it ends sadly, I will send you angry letters demanding an alternative ending. If this story ends period I will blow up in tears and send you some type of letter. You can count on this at my word. -S.Aura
MOAR NAO. OR I WILL BREAK STUFF.
@KillerowlEyup! This fic is incomprehensibly moving. The only time that I have ever been sadder was when I realized that my mother, whom I had blindly loved my entire life, had betrayed me deeply. (Sorry to bring up personal baggage.) Epiphanies can really suck, by the way. That was how I realized that I break down more into a BSOD than into an unstoppable rage or anything like that, by the way.Grats on making me care so much about Nyx and Twilight that I actually shed tears at Nyx's ponynapping (can I call it that?) and then BSOD'd at the end of the chapter. Keep the gold flowin'.
Three words:LOVE THE STORYLINE!!!
@Batty GloomType normally, i can't understand shit
@Bugsydor I can relate to that, I had a similar relationship with my grandmother. :(With that said. I almost can't wait for the next update. Keep up the good work guys!It feels good to be able enjoy such a truling moving story!
@Mr.BronyI second this. (while I replace 'shit' with 'nothing')Also… it's starting to get some people angry… this isn't what I would call ''good publicity'', let's just say.
Testing out new avatar…does it work well, or should I find a new image?
FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUU-Ok, any sympathy or pity I had for Princess Celestia is now gone.
Congratulations. You broke my freaking heart. How can I go on? Twilight accidentally betrayed her DAUGHTER and is suffering pain beyond comprehension. Nyx called out for her and was not saved… that call, MOMMY!… it's haunting me even now. And Celestia has been misled and manipulated so that she is now just as much enemy as ally. I hope you've got a good twist coming, Pen, because I will NOT tolerate something awful happening to Nyx, Twilight, or any of the others. If you kill off the Best Pony, as the image hints at, I will be depressed in real life. That's not good writing; it's torture. BUT… if you do your thing, taking a hopeless situation and turning it epic; if you pull us readers to the bottom of the pit of despair only to get maximum distance for the exhilarating ride out the top into the sunny clear air of joy… then I will fight manly tears of happiness as I note that you are still the best brony writer I have ever known. Keep up the amazing work. We're counting on you.
i was really hoping that twilight would have done something, like smack celestia straight in the face run to nyx and teleport themselves far away but…..oh well i already disliked celestia anyway
As I said in the gdocs chat:"Eyes dampenwater wellssadness fills mespirit quellsSpeak softly, say I.Speak softly I mayAnd one dayAgain I shall cry"Stay the path, dear author!This cliffhanger is delicious.
@BugsydorIt's awesome! :DSock Nyx is awesome Nyx
@Scorch_MechanicThat was you? Nice; I like it.
I THINK… I THINK MY AWESOME-O-METER BROKE FROM THE PURE MAGIFISENCE OF THIS FAFFIC!TAKE ALL MY MONEY! "NO" IS NOT AN OPTION!!!!
HOW DO YOU UPDATE THIS SO FAST AND SO MUCH.also lovin the story so far.
@KillerowlThanks! socks!Nyx is best socks pony, in my opinion.Anyhow, something I felt like posting for TheUncalledfor's benefit:Troperism is something that has to incubate for a while before it can properly manifest. You have to spend days on TVTropes absorbing data. This part isn't so hard to do, seeing as TVTropes Will Ruin Your Life is itself an established trope in which we see that TVTropes is akin to an inescapable magical time vortex. The hard step to take is making your first edit to a page. You may see that a page has some grammar issues that urgently need correction. You may see that a page is glaringly obviously missing a trope that you know well. Whatever drives you to edit, that first edit will kinda break you out of your shell/chrysalis/cocoon and you will emerge a troper. The edits that you make after the first one are loads easier once you see that nobody minded you making your first one. Don't worry too much about whether you are using a trope right when you post one. If you get it wrong, somebody will just come along and remove or change it.Sorry if I am being a bit too silly, just trying to help (and maybe temporarily escape from chapter 10). Chapter 10 was a lot easier to find tropes for, by the way.
@Pen Stroke, Batty GloomWhen is the next update planned? Sometime next week? I ask because you've implied you're working with a buffer.
This saga should be official to mlp fim.It's so good.
I just finished Chapter 10… a single manly tear was shed.
@BugsydorNyx #1 Socks Pony!Oh my gosh! Seth has to do a Sock pony poll!I know who I would vote for!
@Pen Stroke:On a lighter note: Since Batty Gloom is Medic Finish, does that make you Heavy Weapons Shy? That Ph.D. would surely come in handy in your line of work…
You know what I find interesting? Once again Nightmare Moon, rather then be a legitimate entity in herself, is pretty much just the mask of a filly consumed by her own negative emotions. First Luna, now Nyx.
@BugsydorThank you for clearing that up! ^.^
@VenlinIf they made this into a film, it would have to be a 9+ hour epic trilogy on the scale of Lord of the Rings. It would be in CGI, but made to still look 2D like the show (as one of the animators said he would love to do for a FiM movie if he had an infinite budget). Sadly, I don't think that this gives quite enough "screentime" to the rest of the mane 6 to qualify for being made into the official movie. Would love it if it happened though. As it stands, I feel that it would be great if Hasbro decided to let this be an official novel ala the various star wars, star trek, and halo expanded universe novels. I would buy it in a heartbeat.@Penstroke: The Ph.D. I am referring to is the Heavy's one in Russian Literature (or whatever its equestrian equivalent is).
@VarThey've been updating with 3-4 chapters every other day since they started. You can expect and update in just some hours, or tomorrow if they're sticking to the same release schedule.
@BareeShe will be back and even if it is brief it will be a touch to the heart for all of us. she will return to twilight that's for sure. Seeing she is the only blood relative and mother of nixif you feel sad give me a brohug bro.*opens front legs*
@theuncalledforMe? Helpful? YAY! ^0^Well, a good place for you to start might be to post another entry into the Crowning Moment of Heartwarming page. I know that there is more to put there, but I can't remember it right now. Pretty sure there is more to put there, judging by how this story is brimming with d'aww (my stack of busted O'D'awwmeters next to my desk just keeps growing).There are also plenty of tropes lurking in the chapters that I have yet to identify in casual reading. I think the reason why I couldn't stop posting tropes for chapter 10 was because the darn thing just wouldn't get out of my mind, especially the more epic tearjerkers. Spend enough time meditating on a chapter, and the tropes will call out to you. That, and you have doubtless plummed different depths of TVTropes from where the rest of us have been. It's a big place.If you don't feel up to that, maybe you could just 2nd the fanfic recommendation and add a little bit of why it's awesome.Anypony feel free to tell me if I am being too enthusiastic. I don't want to scare people too much.@Killerowl, RE: sock pollI like the way you think! Somepony should totally email that idea to him. Don't forget to make him put Nyx in the running. Anyway, any response from that artist about the kazoo commission? Heck, I would prolly shell out 5-10 bucks for that.
I can kinda sorta see Celestia's side of things here. If Nightmare Moon were to return and resume the war it would be devastating to Equestria as a whole. And if Twilight were present when Celestia determined that Nyx needed to be "unmade", I'm sure Celestia knew she'd have an all-out fight with her most faithful student on her hooves. So it made sense to make her stay behind.But even so, Celestia deserves that wound she saw on her soul, and more. I think this story is going to have to be not just about the redemption of Nightmare Moon now, but also of Celestia.I also want to see what Luna thinks about all this now that Celestia can't keep it secret from her either. I bet there's going to be fallout on that side of things too. I almost feel bad for Celestia, her mistakes have backed her into a corner where her relationships with the two ponies closest to her is going to be severely and possibly permanently damaged.
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@Bugsydor Maybe I'll send him a mail later! But no, the artist never replied to my comment about kazoo Nyx. :(He seems to be busy with some other drawing so I'll wait before I ask again. The drawing may be Nyx related though! Not kazoo Nyx, but still Nyx!
This story is amazing and has the best cliffhangers ever.
I definitely want to see Luna's opinion on all of this. Something tells me that, while she will understand the reasoning, she will be appalled by Celestia's actions.
@Pen Stroke or Batty Gloom: Is the "blood from an enemy" part of the resurrection ritual a shout out to Voldemort's resurrection ritual from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire? It seems that way to me as the blood was taken from the lead protagonists for similar reasons having something to do with protecting the resurrectee from the blood "donor" in some way. I will be adding this to the tropes page, but will remove it if either of you says that you had no intention of making such a shout out.@Killerowl: If I recall correctly, there were other artists doing Nyx stuff as well. Maybe we could send kazoo requests to them as well? Or would that be too spammy…
That last chapter bought a tear to my eye. Congratulations.The little disclaimer I thought was uneccasary. I think giving the readers hope at this point will lessen the impact of the story later.Anyway, excellent writing as always, looking forwards to the next part.
This is the second fanfic ive read that Celestia POs Twilight. The first was sunset.second one that made me see NMM in a diff way, first being the empty room.
@Bugsydor Lets wait until we at least get som sort of answer. Because yea, it would be kind of spammy. Oh, on the Harry Potter similarity.I was reading chapter 10 and someone pointed it out. Pen stroke said that any similarities were just coincidences.
@KillerowlCrap. Now I have to go and remove the shout-out before anypony sees it. *shifty eyes*
Everyone browsing this site in No Fanfiction mode is missing out on the best fanfic from any fandom I've read in recent memory.
Quick question guys. Does anyone remember what Spell Nexus's cutie mark is?It's kinda important!
Cannot get enough of this fanfic. Seriously think you should take up writing as a carrer. Job well done ^_^
@BugsydorHurry!
@N anon"a mediocre Sue story gaining 6 star status, a plotload of fanart of said Sue, and an inexplicably passionate fanbase." "Then again, I don't understand…"And do we ever stop to wonder why people like a LITTLE GIRLS show based on TOYS and several FAN stories based on said girls show?
SHUT UP AND TAKE ALL MY STARS! 9000000/5
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@BugsydorOMG THE STORY GOT UPDATED WITH A PICTURE OF NYX PLAYING THE KAZOO!http://browse.deviantart.com/?order=5&q=nyx#/d41e80hOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH!My life is complete
You know how this is a 6 star story?This needs to be rated 7 stars. Or like, a 6 x 6 star story.
@KillerowlDon't worry about the erroneous shout out entry, I removed it very quickly after my last post. Anyhow, I love the new pic. Sure, it's missing color and a number of the other things that made that scene great (like thw ribbon or Twilight smiling at Nyx's jubilee), but this is a great pic even if it wasn't modeled after fanonical events.
@Bugsydor That is true, but look at the kazoo!And Seth agreed on making a sock poll. If someone draws TRIXIE IN SOCKS! This needs to be done, NOW!
@KillerowlI know that the pic is adorable. It went strait into mydocuments/ponies/pics/d'aww as soon as I knew about it.MFW Seth agrees to sock-ponies poll:^0^ Yaaaaaaaay~
That was mean, and the next chapters had better not be long coming.Now, that said, having just finished a complete read through.. the story isn't without flaws. Minor mistakes aside, some references felt a little clunky, and the scene in which Nyx was taken away was in my opinion somewhat forcibly negative. The repercussions were properly explored, but it seemed very difficult to justify things playing out the way they did in those few moments.That being said .. I've been made to care hugely about the characters, and i hope desperately to see the rest of this story soon and I do hope a happy ending.Thanks for that.
Oh, and by the by – first fanfic I've yet read!
Chapter 10… I read it last night, but I still have to fight back tears every time I think about Nyx being taken away.This story is definitely one of my favorites, please keep up the excellent work.
Something just occurred to me: This story currently occupies the top position in the popular posts section, and is one of only 2 fanfics to even appear in there at the moment (FO:E being the other one).
@BugsydorPast Sins: 871 votesFO:E: 1018 votesFO:E has been around for a while, Past Sins has not.It seems like this is fic is soon going to pass FO:E in popularity. 😀
It's going to be difficult for Celestia to make amends – something tells me that if there is a happy ending for Nyx and Twilight, it's going to amount to a high personal cost for Celestia. I doubt this story is going to be dark enough for her to die, and I really don't think something like losing the crown is appropriate since she was acting to PROTECT the greater good, but something needs to be paid on her part to mend the rift she's carved between herself and Twilight.Also, looking forward to seeing if Luna has strong feeling on Celestia's actions here.
“Why are there royal guards outside the library?”You know it's coming. You expect it.But when it actually happens, you realize that no amount of preparation can really help.This has rapidly become my favorite story to be posted on EQD. An expertly written tale (despite a few misworded idioms) full of emotional peaks and valleys, and updated at a rate unheard of at this quality. Normally I try to launch into a lavender, poncey paragraph when responding to truly moving works, but for the first time, I simply can't find the words to do it justice. So instead: thank you. Thank you for this.
More Dretos fanart!!http://dreatos.deviantart.com/art/NYX-GRAB-MY-SOCK-244274815
@VarThis is awesome!
Oh and I suppose while I'm at it: Though chapter 10 left me a bit of a wreck, I still smiled at Nyx's revenge.
@3:50 AnonNegative Anon here again. Well for a while I just thought the actual show was just okay until Dragonshy, then I started to love it and became part of the fandom. I like it because it's good, funny, well-written, and stuff. I like several fan stories for the same reason, though you can replace "funny" with "dramatic" or "grim" for some stories I like. And there's been plenty that I've ignored or hated.I did consider this story again, I even tried reading it again earlier, but I couldn't bring myself to like it, I couldn't bring myself to feel sorry for boring little Nyx, I just don't see the appeal of it. I liked the cult thing, and Celestia coming to the rescue, but after that I couldn't stop yawning while reading it, and again, I suspect if it wasn't for Nyx being a kid version of Nightmare Moon(and the "omg so kawaiiii <3333" factor of the fanarts, as well as the authors' past awesomeness), this would be just another generic Sue story that at best everyone would ignore and at worst everyone would laugh at for all the wrong reasons.I don't HATE this fic. Frankly it deserves 3 stars at the most. Again, what baffles me is how this fic got so popular, and in such short time. And I really wouldn't like it too much if it somehow becomes as influential as Progress, Fallout, or even Cupcakes and gets referenced by every brony and their mom.
>Sees picture of Twilight about to be hanged.>EXPLAIN THIS BULLSHIT! She better not die!!!>About to read.>The implying guy.
@VarWhile I can understand Celestia's actions for the most part (or at least rationalize them; I have a disturbing level of skill for that), I would love to hear Luna or Twilight shout "What the Heck, Hero?!" (I need an interrobang key…) or have Spell Nexus or Nyx give her a Hannibal Lecture at some point. I am not entirely sure if her actions (acting in what she believed to be Equestria's best interests) warrant such a chewing out, but dang if that wouldn't be satisfying as all get out.Would Nyx's speeches at the end of 10 count as Hannibal Lectures or The Reason You Suck Speeches? I am not quite sure as they might be a bit short for that.
@AnonymousDon't worry, the authors already promised in the comments that Twilight won't die. They also said that this story would not deserve the Grimdark or Sad tags, but I think that they meant that everything would turn out alright in the end.
@ Bugsydor Nyx's speeches weren't meant to hurt Twilight, they were meant to highlight exactly how she had wronged her daughter. That, in my mind, is a 'Calling The Old Man Out' moment.And I totally agree with you – someone needs to give Celestia a blunt 'What the Hell?!" speech, if only so the audience can experience some sort of catharsis. Also, it would be good if Nyx made a spiteful Hannibal Lecture on how, had Celestia listened to Twilight and not interfered, Nyx might have remained an infant and probably not gone evil if she did regain all her Nightmare Moon memories – after all, there was more than a mere undercurrent of the filly in the wake of the ritual.
Okay epic picture.First she stalks and imprisons Twilight.Then she does battle with Celestia, presumably defeating her since the rest of the pictures aren't really about happiness and sunshine.The other ponies try to use the elements to defeat NMM. From the looks of that hat ill bet Trixie tries to use the element of magic, but since shes not the real bearer of the damn thing, they're going to fail.After that se imprisons the CMC cuz shes eevul.Jesus Chirst thats pretty grim… Twilight at a hanging. We know shes not gonna be killed so at this point NMM is going to have a change of heart and Nyx vanquishes her evil in an epic battle of wills.Thats how i see it going. Suberb writing btw, better than a large portion of actual published books.Gief moar chapters now!
@AnonymousTranslated to English: Great story! You deserve all the stars possible.I agree with the Spanish speaking Anon.
@Anonymous I don't see this fiction being as influential on any other works on here. Progress had bits and gags that could be worked in anywhere i.e. abacus. Fallout gave a whole new world to expand on. While BLTSAP(Better living through science and ponies) was an awesome fic it didn't carry the influence as the aforementioned stories above. I think your letting you fears get the better of you a little bit.Not all hit movies were a hit with a everyone. But I like this fic.
After reading every chapter, and being on the verge of tears when Twilight stood as stiff as a statue while the guards took Nyx away, I must say that this is by far the best fanfic I have ever read. Keep up the good work, I can't wait for the next chapters!
@VarNot too familiar with that trope, but be sure to put "Calling the Old Mare Out" on the trope page if you feel it fits.
This is better than Jane Eyre!
http://dotrook.deviantart.com/art/Nightmare-Toot-244278862Comic!
@banjo2EAnd then banish the moon into the sun!
@BugsydorAnd you believed them? Oh, ho ho ho! Foolish naive reader, yours are the tears they love the most. Do you honestly think they would tell their total plan right out from the start? What fun would that be?
@theuncalledforThank you for your forgiveness. I meant what I said about not wanting to offend. I was hoping for just light-hearted jokes, and I obviously failed (not the first time). And I suddenly realize that I didn't formally apologize to the real Germans who were offended but DON'T make beer. I am sorry to you guys also (which was kinda implied with the first one, but I wanted to make it totally clear). 😛 And now with the mention of beer along with the setting of the sun … I think it's time.
Don’t know what to say except that I’m loving this story!As new chapters come out, I’ve put aside other stories to continue reading this one. Thanks
Don’t know what to say except that I’m loving this story!As new chapters come out, I’ve put aside other stories tocontinue reading this one. Thanks
I don't know why… but that comic made me cry a little.Manly tears were not shed, baby tears have though.
"Fret Not ,Dear Readers" came a cryFrom the most perceptive eyeThere are many secrets that serve as proofThat the ending is not on the same hoofOn the last panel of picture of fameThere is a pony, about to dieThe sky in the background is the color of flameAnd Pen Stroke leaves us to wonder why(Basically Twilight hasn't been hung, and also the sky isn't dark or nighttime, so either Chapter 10 ain't the last night, or Nightmare Moon will have a change of heart, and thiis is witten like a poetri because thats how chapter 10 ends.) p.s. there are spoilers /trollface.jpg
Actually i think the NMM phase will be over in a few chapters, being a sort of a second act of the story.It is called Past Sins after all, i think the last chapters will be about Nyx trying to redeem herself after the crimes NMM committed.
Technically, this story is like the Fable series. Am I right or wrong?
Guys this is kind of a big deal. Like a really big deal. This fanfic has 721 comments posted on this ED page.Cupcakes has 611. Bitch just got owned. I know they can't be compared, however, the most infamous fanfic known to ponykind has less comments on its page than this one does. I'm not sayin'. I'm JUST saying. Also http://s3.amazonaws.com/kym-assets/photos/images/original/000/153/147/OC%20grab%20my%20socks.png?1311478497
@8:31pm Anon:So you feel that after a chapter or two the current Nightmare Moon will be find being Nightmare Moon (Boring, Lonely, Sad, etc. take your pick) and that the rest of the fic would be her trying to get past being Nightmare Moon, in the past and present?Your alot more optimistic than pretty much everybody else who's read the same as you.@Silent hunter:No, more like an adversion of Fable. The Fable series is about the "hero"'s choices affecting his/her life and those around him/her. This fic is focusing on how everybody else's choices are affecting Nyx's(Nightmare Moon's).
@ErroneousWell, that leaves us only about 1244 comments behind Fallout Equestria.RE: the comic you posted:As they say on KYM, "Repost!" Still, that comic is freaking awesome and should be in this story's art section. Somepony just linked it to us in the comments before you got here is all.
I'm re-posting this song just to get the message out again…Blurry-Puddle Of Muddhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJJsoquu70o&ob=av3e
…;_;I have no words, save these.If you don't continue, if this story doesn't have a happy ending, I will be heartbroken. I will be crushed, torn apart, and I will probably start crying. Not manly tears, there's a distinct possibility that I'll be sobbing like a baby, like only a few things manage to make me do.
@AnonymousThat song…it fits even more perfectly than the last time you posted it.For a second I thought that somepony should make a PMV to that song with scenes from this fic, but then I realized that no matter how deeply the images of chapter 10 and the rest have been burned into my mind, these images only exist in print and in our minds and hearts. Then I was sadder. T^TMy basic idea for the hypothetical PMV would be to take footage of Nyx being adorable and Nyx and Twilight playing together and bonding (like that one scene at the end of Chapter 6) to replace the similar-ish scenes from the music video, and take a different sad scene for each chorus (first one could maybe be Nyx undergoing mind-rape in the old castle, 2nd could be Nyx being torn from Twilight's arms, and the final one could be the scene where Nightmare!Nyx chews out Twilight at the end of Chapter 10). The chorus ran 3 times, right?I know that that is just a pipe dream, but wouldn't that be made of win if it happened?
Also, just figured out that I could add mind rape to the tropes page. That scene and its aftermath just started making a lot more sense to me.
I'm not sure what I can say that hasn't already been repeated a hundred times. If this doesn't end happily I expect there are going to be more than a few angry readers.
There is actually another song at applies well to this fix, and to Nyx in particular:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=biWnop_nBBcWind – by Akeboshi
What about nopony to nightmare (moon)? I'm not sure about mind rape, though.
@AnonymousWell, I think that being forced to think about torturing the pony you love the most and all of her friends just to make her suffer even more probably qualifies as mind rape, even if it is a bit more mild than what you would normally expect. Also, Nyx is rather depressed and disturbed for days after the memories and emotions forcibly implanted themselves into her mind.
CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHOO CHOO!ALL ABOARD THE MARY SUE TRAIN!
Wow, I hate reading but I read this all the way through till the end of chapter 10 and I must say the story is absolutely wonderful so far, so much emotions flowing, I even cried and felt twilight's pain in the one part(not spoiling it for anypony). I absolutely cant wait to see more of it continued!Great work! I would rate it 9/10 (-1 for few minor spelling and typographical errors)
@StarfireMoonDon't worry about spoiling the story for anybody. Anybody who digs through 700+ comments before reading the story, hoping to avoid spoilers, kinda has it coming ;). In other news: I think I talk too much.Also, I really hope that this fic updates soon. I need something to get me out of the funk that Chapter 10 left me in.
I have to say, I actually think this was a pretty thought out fan-fiction, surprisingly, since you guys seem to have actually finished the whole thing ahead of time regarding the comments. However, it falls terribly short when you actually put Nyx's character into perspective.It's really, really, boring and like many have said before, is very much like a mary-sue. Everyone likes her, she's incredibly smart and strong, and is basically flawless, which leads to very boring characters.I don't hate her or think she's annoying, but her character just lacks depth or development which may hopefully get expanded upon.She's cute, sure, but she's, again, just a bit boring. The relationship between Twilight and her suffers because of it. Still, this piece still interests me, so I'll see where it leads from here.
>her horn flashing once before all of the cloud cover was brushed away like froth from a cup of hot cocoa.Dudewat.gif
I am determined to keep reading till the end of this DESPITE how depressed it's making me. Nyx is just to cute and I can't imagine how messed up her life would be if she turned back now. No one would accept her and she would become evil again. So what I'm saying is please please make this into a happy ending.
chapter 6 was awesome, so many tears of joy, cuteness almost killed me..chapter 10, mind crush, please tell me this will have a happy ending , mother and daughter deserve a happy ending, nyx its to lovely to become evil 5stars awesome fanfic
@Anonymousperfect OST
I'm hoping for a happy ending, but for some reason the only end I can see being satisfying is a sad one…it's the pretty much only way to get things back to any semblance of status quo/equilibrium.As for the sue comments…y'know, I can see it, but I don't quite feel it. She's now where near as obnoxious as the average Sue, but she does have a bad habit of being less a character than a plot device sometimes (which, honestly, was kind of Nightmare Moon's thing in actual series too…she was an excuse to bring the main characters together.)
@1:32 AnonymousWell, maybe now that she is a conflicted Nightmare Moon she can have some character development of her own.
D:No! Nyx! ;_;
Mary Sue is a phrase tossed around too easily. Like, Anne from Anne of Green Gables could count as a Mary Sue to some people, she was an orphan who was initially unwanted but eventually won over the people who adopted her and then the entire community that she lived in. She did well academically and though her red hair was considered unattractive at the time the story took place in she was still pretty.Nyx is a bit of an idealized character, but not egregiously so. Some sue traits aren't necessarily bad.
Good lord man, you just pump them out. You're up to 171 pages.
This is excellent! You really have great writing abilities, I would buy a book if you wrote it.
Why is every Complaining about Nyx being a Mary Sue, god's are by their very nature Mary Sue's.
I started reading this just as part 6 was posted, So getting part 7 and beyond was a great surprise.Now I'm re-reading chaper 10 over and over and over and over and over and over…
Not Gonna CryNot Gonna CryNot Gonna Cr- *reads Nyx shouting "Mommy!" and then being turned into Nightmare Moon*. . . . . http://vizard.me/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/why-god-why1.jpg
Here ez a short list of Nyx's flaws:*She ez overly sensitive und a bit of a crybaby. Vhen she heard Rarity mention zhat zee glasses vere bad und she vouldn't make even her worst enemy vear zhem, Nyx emmediately assumed zhat Twilight hated her und started to break down. She vaz despressed for days after zee encident en zee Everfree Forest und vould have been if not for AppleBloom.* She eez un coward. She vaz scared by perhaps zee most friendliest of zee Everfree Forest monster, did not try to defend herself ungainst Silver Spoon und Diamond Tiara, und eez afraid of disappointing others. She relies on others to protect her.* She eez overly curious to zee point of driving even Twilight crazy (vhich vaz part of zee reazon she made her go to school) und asking questions even vhen enappropriate. Et vaz her curiosity that lead her to go to zee Everfree Forest vithout asking und enter zee old castle. * She sucks at art. Zhis eez a spoiler but et *eez* en zee story later.I will admit moar time should have been devoted to developing her character but a Mary Sue? No, dun't see eet. She eez flat at worse.
If ever there was a story that deserved to be listed at 7 stars, this would be it. This is absolutely amazing.
@Batty Gloom Alright, that makes things a bit better, but I didn't say she WAS a Mary Sue, but that she exhibited traits of one.Your points do soften them. The only thing about her character that bugged me was that nearly EVERYONE in the story thought she was a perfect angel besides the two bullies, who got punished time and time again.But yeah, some of her flaws should have been explored a bit more, but, I'm still looking forward to the next chapters.
I have to say, I've really enjoyed this story so far! Keep up the good work, gentlemen!In any case, I seriously doubt that the Cutie Mark Crusaders are going to give up on their friend without a fight, even if she is Nightmare Moon. It'll be interesting to see what the trio are going to do.
What an amazing marketing story this has become…
All my money, My heart, My freedom, TAKE IT!just give me Nyx back T.T
Oh fuck you!I really, and I mean REALLY HATE SAD FICS! If I actually WANTED to be depressed I would go watch the news or something, I mean real life is depressing enough without having to read your stupid sad fics! It's rare for me to drop a fic after I've started it but I can't read anymore of this shit.Ya know what, fuck this! If I can't even read a [normal] fic without it becoming a [sad] fic I'm just going to stop reading any new fics at all! Well, maybe I'll keep reading some one-shots but if it has anymore then, lets say, 5 chapters I'm not reading it.
…Not gonna lie, here. When Nyx was taken from Twilight like that, I re-enacted the extraction scene from Platoon while shouting a Big No.Dammit, I NEED more of this fic!
Yeah Nyx is a bit Mary Sueish but really what makes her interesting isn't her but how everypony is reacting to ger. She seems a lot more interesting now that she transformed. The reason i think her evil phase is gonna be over soon because the name of the story is Past Sins and she hasn't done anything wrong yet. Also, the images in are depicted in her mane as she cries which leads me to believe shes already gotten past her evil self at that point.
@Batty GloomThank you for writing that, I just wish you wouldn't use the accent, because someone or probably just going to skip your comment.I for one find it hilarious though!And I agree, she's flat at worst.
@Brent M.CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS "I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE SOMEWHERE" FIGHTERS, YAY!Actually, I don't know what trope whatever they do will apply to, but I am fairly sure it will be awesome even if it isn't wholly successful.
@KillerowlSomeone are*
@Killerowlsome people are*
Well, this is the first time I've been emotionally invested in a fanfiction. Really good job.
@BugsydorThank you! I just read it out loud and realised how stupid it sounds.
I feel that I may, in fact, die without more of this to read. The d'awww reached critical levels long ago.I actually teared up a little bit when (SPOILERS) they were taking Nyx.Simply phenomenal story, Pen Stroke. To Batty Gloom; yes. Pen Stroke is tremendous credit to Brony community.
@AnonymousDepressive fics have a positive effect on your psyche. It purifies your soul by letting you releasing affects effected by the pain of the characters you care for. It's called catharsis and is an old technique of entertainment and "artistic therapy".
Some "Mary Sue traits can't be avoided when your talking about the Reincarnation of the Dark Moon Goddess. I still don't see the point where she's a Mary Sue to the point where it's a crime.Of course she's gonna be very Skilled and Strong in magic. She would be useless to the Cult if she wasn't otherwise. I think that's what people are forgetting. She was supposed to be a tool for the Cultists to overthrow Celestia
i might be wrong but i might be not anyway here goes my theory on the coverartif i recall correct Nyx got some memories back from Nightmare moon in the story in which she wanted to hurt twilight and such, or even kill her. wouldn't it be possible the fact that we see twilight almost being hanged as a memory. if so the sky worries me and swipes away my theory. then again didn't twilight fear that if she was 'helping' NMM that she would be imprisoned send to the moon or worse and is this something that she thinks could happen. again it's pure a theory. a lousy one that is.
FIX IT. FIX IT NOW. BEFORE MY SADFACE COLLAPSES IN ON ITSELF.
I find myself checking if this has updated every 30 minutes.
6 stars? You goddamn right.This is the best fic i've read for a while.
You know an author has the voices of the characters down when you can identify who's speaking within one sentence of the start of the chapter. Everypony was perfectly in character. I could even hear the ponies talking when I was reading their lines (which almost never happens.) The one minor flaw was Celestia refusing to allow Twilight to go with Nyx when she was taken, and Twilight for letting her get away with it. That did seem a bit out of character for both.
Just read chapter 10… and cried silently throughout the entire thing. Im going to miss little Nyx *sniff*
I can see this as the Friendship is Magic movie. This needs fanimated. Now.
An idea for an update to the tropes page just occurred to me, based on what Batty Gloom listed as some of Nyx's flaws.Fridge Brilliance: Nyx seems to be a completely different character from Nightmare Moon, until one considers that Nyx has the same oversensitivity to others' opinions of her that made Luna enraged over people shunning her night and transformed her into Nightmare Moon in the first place.Then again, that entry smells flawed to me. I won't be posting this to the Fridge Brilliance section of the tropes page until somepony else confirms this or makes it make more sense. I think some things got lost in the transition from brain to keyboard.
@Daniel:Oh, definitely. Or, well, the premise at the very least. I wonder what miracle could let That happen were they to make one, though..Although I still stand by that Celestia/Twilight scene in chapter 10 being really clumsy, though. Oh, wholly necessary but..And, @Michael Hahn, I agree too. The characters really were down fairly pat.. bar the above bemoaned bit in Chapter 10. 'Not often I hear them in my head either, although the less than subtle use of font variation I found hampered that rather than aided it.
@BugsydorWoot! Lucky 777 get!
@BugsydorHmmm, I wonder who got 666.
This has become one of my fave fanfics. other fics have made me cry but i've never had knots in my stomach like this before. when i saw the new chapters i squealed in joy
@starsongConsarn it! When you said "new chapters" I thought that you meant chapters 11+ and I got my hopes up.On a happier note, we have a new pic of Nyx in socks in the art section!@Killerowl: Idunno who got that dubious honor, but I will check.
@KillerowlIt turns out that that dubious honor goes to either Onej6 responding to Baree and offering a hug (if the site counts deleted posts), or to me explaining troperism to theUncalledfor if the site doesn't count deleted posts. Take your pick about which one seems more appropriate.
@BugsydorWell, I just can't give it to a poster offering a hug. You know what that means…
Was i the only one who cried a little at the part when they take Nyx?** SPOILER**
Pen Stroke, to you I bequeath all of my Internetz, Stars, Moneys, and thanks for making this my favorite Fanfic of all time. I believe that I echo the sentiments of my fellow bronies when I say that this would make a perfect MLP movie.
Whenever I read Batty Gloom's comments, I cant help speaking in a Richtofen voice(From Call of Duty)
@KillerowlI guess that converting somebody to troperism might be considered by some to be an inherently evil act, but I think my 777get cancels out the 666get.@Waffen37:Join the club. Those were the only three tears that I shed for a fictional character in my life, and the end of the chapter made me go into a full-on Heroic(or Villainous?) BSOD. I am checking this page every few minutes for an update so that I can see how the story goes on from there.
@Batty GloomYou two might want to go over all of the fic since Chapter 4 again. There are several problems a MSWord scan cannot fix, and you forget to signal changes in speakers a few times.
@BugsydorWell, now you just need to aim for 888. lol
First fallout equestria gets an update, the as soon as I finish this also get an update, it's frigen fanfic Christmas.
I^M READING!
best story ever and I literally finished reading ch 10 and decided to go to the homepage to look for new articles when BAM 11,12 and 13 were there 😀
Yeah, Epic! Finally! Now I just have to keep from reading it all at once and forcing myself to wait another two days….Oh screw it…
Just finished watching Sonic Rainboom again while waiting for more comments to appear here, then checked back to find that we got an update.In the words of Ms. Rainbow Dash, "OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH!"
Just a post to remind me und Pen Stroke vhen zee next chapters vere posted.Und for everyvun who says Celestia und Twilight were out of character en zee last chapter…pleaze paid very close attention to Celestia's und Twilight's parts.
YAY CHAPTER 11 12 AND 13Sweet, I haven't even finished the last updates. Thank you for uploading so fast~
I have both E-fallout and Past sins opened right now…I don't know which to read first…..I know I will read fallout first incase I get depressed and then read past sins to cheer up…unless it still has Nyx being evil and then I will end up with super depression!
>Triple Update>First new chapter is Luna calling out Celestia for being such a heartless b**** in her attempt to play ChessmasterIn the immortal words of Twilight Sparkle, YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES!!!…yes.I am very happy.
@Onej6 And if I were part of a modding team, I`d make this into-Wait, wrong Pen Stroke fanfic…
*Reads partway through chapter 11*"Aww, how come Nyx gets to have a lifesize Twilight Sparkle Plushy? I am now officially Jelly."
800 goddamn comments? And 6 stars? Fine. I'll read this.
I haven't got a chance to read the next few parts yet, but seriously hats off to you for writing the story in advance to release a good amount of material each day, it keeps me very excited. If you're writing this each day from a rough storyboard then I am in complete awe of your skills.
SPOILER!"Twilight felt something firm strike the back of her head, and the world fell away in an instant. Behind her, Spell Nexus stood with a firm, wooden baton he had transfigured from a nearby torch. He returned the torch to its original shape and set it back in its wall mount before looking down at the now unconscious unicorn."This torch makes no sense.
Why… Why does this have to come out right before I was supposed to go to bed?!
My heart broke, take my love, all of it!
@AnonymousFUCK YES. FUND IT HASBRO YOU COCK SUCKERS. I WILL PAY TWENTY FUCKING DOLLARS EVEN IF YOU ONLY MAKE ONE, ANMD SOMEONE ELSE FUCKING GETS IT. GIVE MY MY FUCKING NYX YOU FUCKTARDS
…Freaking Jesus God Hell, to borrow a term used by someone on the internet. Those three chapters… they were a thing. I very much like how much of Nyx gets through Nightmare Moon's thoughts, same as Nightmare Moon got through Nyx's. However, I wouldn't have cried if Celestia had been actually killed in the duel. Luna gave all the reasoning in the first chapter of the update for why she should have been. Of course, the lack of any sort of dark tag means no death of Princess Cactus, so w/e.Twilight's an idiot, but I can excuse that. She wants to talk to her daughter, and if she has to do the most stupid things in the world, she will do it. And it's likely going to be Twilight that reverses and saves everything. Or! Or! We can use the spell that made Nightmare Moon to split Nightmare Moon and Nyx into two separate ponies and then defeat Nightmare Moon again without having to worry ever again about her returning and we get a happy ending where Nyx can stay!…okay, I'm grasping at straws here, but still. Very nice chapters, although were some odd things in them. I'm sure others will be… kind enough to point them out. I can't wait for the next update. And then after that will be the final update huh, if at chapter 10 the story was half over? That… that actually makes me sadder than Chapter 10 did…
>flutteryay
Let me just say that I am both surprised and very grateful for the pace that you're pushing out these chapters and I eagerly await more :3
I can almost imagine these words being uttered should Nightmare Moon/Nyx begin to falter infront of Nexus:"So, what's it going to be: Nightmare Moon's hatred or Nyx's love?! WELL?! Ha! As I suspected… You. Are weak."
Aw man, this story looks SO EPIC! I've wanted to read it ever since the first post, but I don't wanna reach a cliffhanger and be forced to stop reading, I need to know how many chapters are left! I wanna marathon this like I did the first time I watched Season 1!!!
[CHAPTER 12 SPOILERS!]>Nexus wants Twilight hung>Nightmare Moon refuses and threatens to have Nexus executed if he harms Twilight>dat image…Esther. It's the Book of Esther. From the BIBLE.HOLY. SHIT.
I just have noticed an interesting pattern in all those Nightmare Moon return stories: The Royal Guards are a bunch of useless ponies who switches sides/ gets brainwashed as soon as Celestia is banished/corrupted/killed.
Dang man… You're pumping out this story faster then I have time to read it… I can't wait to read more 😀
Once again, excellent!
I like where this story is going…. I really do hope Twilight isnt actually hanged….. this story is at the top of my must read list. I could be reading another fiction when this updates, NEW TAB *begins reading*
13 Chapters & Prologue, Over 1000 Votes, just hit 800 comments and is 6 Stars, and this thing only started a week ago. It's a story that has, even in the most recent chapters, kept completely true to the original feel of the show. It hasn't used any Grimdark elements like many other stories use. The characters still act like they normally do, with enough room to let them evolve, and, well basically, It's just an all round amazing story.
WOW so much inner conflict within Nightmare Moon/Nyx, suddenly I have the feeling Nexus or one of the cult ponies is gonna try to go behind her back to deal with Twilight and/or her friends and bring down eternal rage upon themselves.Great story so far and can't wait for the next few chapters.
Chapter 10 is blasphemy. That scene where they take Nyx away defies all logic. I mean, Celestia would at least allow Twilight to tell Nyx goodbye, or at least to tell her to cooperate with the guards, that they meant no harm, etc.I will try to ignore this in light of the awesomeness of the story up until now.
I liked these NMM chapters. Chapter 11 held exactly what I wanted to see – Luna calling out Celestia's actions. I had personally imagined someone saying 'You Monster!' so I was surprised to see Luna begin something like that, until Celestia interrupts her. I must say, I love how you've managed to portray Celestia here. Her arguments and concerns are solid and reasonable, but there are holes that Luna pokes through, which is good. The castle segment was an excellent reversal of the early scene where Nyx gained some of NMM's memories in the old castle. Glad to see Nyx's memories and sentiments are stronger than I thought. Plus, it's nice to see new scenes of her childhood to go with each piece.Nexus is a hell of a lot more subordinate than I expected. And he said he started the cult when he stumbled on shreds of NMM's old power? And he converts more followers by exposing them to the same power? Good lord, they're actually crazy, actually certifiably insane, and I do not mean that ironically.The apology scene in Chapter 12 was well done as well. I admired Twilight for choosing to do what was right over what was… uh, correct, I guess. It's a pity Nexus stumbled across her, but on the other hoof, seeing Twilight beaten up so badly definitely shocked and upset NMM.Reading Chapter 13, I was a bit concerned how quickly you were moving through the takeover scene. Luna defeated off-screen, Celestia trumped after her army was disabled (brilliant call back to Boast Busters, btw) and the Elements of Harmony doing such a pathetic job of challenging her…But then I realised, it's not about the fate of Equestria, it's about what NMM is feeling as she goes through these things. This was reinforced when she mused on her inability to kill and when she mended the Twilight dummy into a proper doll.
The speed of the takeover, the ease at which Nightmare Moon succeeded, the submissiveness of her followers (and the explanation for their devotion, being mind altered by dark magic) should have bothered me, but in reality they helped me realise why I like this fic so much.It's perhaps one of the purest fanfics I've read. Other fanfics would have drawn this out, played the battles as a war with drawn out tragedy. There would have been more plot threads, fleshing out the side character's place in the tale. However, this fic realises this isn't necessarily and moves beyond it, looking at Nyx and seeing what happens to the fearsome Nightmare Moon when she has everything to gain yet nothing to fight for. At it's core the fic is about Twilight and what she will do for the sake of another, and about Nyx struggling to understand where she should belong – as a filly she found solace in her friends and mother, but that has all been ripped from her. Her lack of a cutie mark highlights this.I'm looking forward to where things will lead from here.
Nyx feels hollow because she's doing what is expected of her, not what she wants to do. Thus she does a few unexpected things, that save her state of mind.Nexus is actually running the show with her as a figurehead, also his laws are disturbing and the mind control magic does not instill love. It only instills loyalty.Thus by the end of all this I think poor little Nyx will eventually get a wake up call.If her talent was to move the moon than that would be adorning her flank, if her talent was to be queen she would already have a cutie mark.Her talent is going to be something completely different, I can tell. (Galaxy cutie mark at least)What the cultists did at the beginning of this story was their biggest mistake, instead of using Luna's blood they used Twilights. Being the element of magic is otherwise known for make 'connections', it's understandable why Nyx is feeling bad. If Luna's blood was used to ressurect Nightmare Moon… then that pony would truly be able to be Nightmare Moon. But with part of twilight in her, Nyx is still who she really is. With readers hoping things won't get too bad, by now I could care less how it progress's, the writer has some top stuff. My compliments.
@NotAGoodUsername360Hehe. * wink *
@VarI love you for writing all that, summed up all of my thoughts.There's really nothing else to say, except for this: I love this story.
YAy Updates! Cant wait to read them
Pen needs a freaking medal. Ultimate Brony Writer of Awesome. I'm no longer freaking out about Nyx; I know she's in there. And despite everypony's opinion that she is Nightmare Moon, I think Twilight is right. I think Nyx was just Nyx, until that f*cker Spell Nexus CHANGED HER into Nightmare Moon with the second spell. When it was incomplete, she was just Nyx. And if our heroes have anything to say about it, she'll be Nyx again in the end. One thing though… with the images from the right side of the title picture coming true one by one, and Twilight in the dungeon, the hanging scene- (* shivers *) -seems very close now. And I maintain my previous stand… if Twilight dies, Pen dies….(not really – who would hurt Pen?)
*Slight Spoiler*At the end of chapter 13, Pinkie says "Who's going to make the cake when I'm gone?" I don't know if Stroke even meant to do that, but GLaDOS says the same thing at the end of Portal 1.It made me lol.
@AnonymousThat was intentional, and you got the reference right. Here, have a cake… wait, the cake is a lie.:P
I'm finding hope in the fact that NMM still doesn't have her cutie mark. I startled my cat with how loud I laughed when I realized that Trixie was the stand-in Element of Magic.Thank you for another wonderful set of chapters.
The only thing that bothers me about this whole magnificent story (besides Celestia desiding to grab the Idiot Ball during the whole taking Nyx away.) was the implication that Trixie is a COMPLETE failure, I am not one of the guys who say "sHe iz a$ Strong az TwiGhT" but I feel it was a bit too far to the right out right almost out right saying she is a coward and a complete weaking.
@BurndogWell, isn't that what the original episode itself does?Let's keep our fanon and canon straight.
shectordaniel@yahoo.com.mxemail me please i want to ask you something very important
Who else is jelous of Nightmare's life-sized Twilight plush?
@ActionScripter9109 Hmm… what's that phrase they use on 4chan? "MAH NIGGA", I think it was?And as for who would hurt Pen……*closes door to a nearby room where JakeHeritagu and ToonNinja are strapped to waterboards*…I dunno. That's something to ask Steven King, I guess…
I will add that I felt that, during the dialog heavy scene between Luna and Celestia in ch11, more effort made on identifying the speaker would have been appreciated. I dunno about most other people, but for me it looks a bit jarring if an entire paragraph is just dialog. Some stuff like 'Luna's eyes went wide. "What? How is that possible?!"' here and there so we know who's speaking before getting into the meat of the discussion. It's absence drew me out of the story several times as I tried to re orientate myself.I think part of my problem is that, while the dialog does well to carry the feelings, language is about more than words. I would have liked to see Luna's physical reactions to the revelations, and as for Celestia I would have liked to know what tone of voice she used. Was she stating things plainly, was she speaking softly to try and ease the words? Did her wings flick now and then, belying her fears and tensions?The discussion itself was brilliant though, no qualms about that.
@ BurndogWell, she's not one of their friends. Kinda defeats the purpose of using the Elements of Harmony when the keystone of the group, the Element of Magic, isn't friends with the others.Friendship is Magic, you see, and without friendship they were never in Harmony with one another.
This story gives me all the HNNNNNNG- all of it.
Everything is going exactly as the timeline in the image, but many of these events also resolve in a manner different from the assumed conclusion. I'm not assuming anything, except that Nexus is a power-hungry… Well, lets just say that true evil is seldom what or where we expect it to be, and never underestimate the power of true love and friendship.
@ KillerOwlHaha, thanks! I just like giving dedicated reviews, is all. When you find a story like this, nothing is more satisfying than pursuing what makes it tick, imo.
@AnonymousIt is straight.I never said Trixie was near as talented as Twilight, Trixie tried defeating it(and obviously failed), Twilight just put it to sleep. Trixie did not run away until the Ursa was put to sleep. Besides I just said I was not one of the people who says she was as good as Twilight.Learn to read posts before you act snarky.
Just finished reading Chapter 13. I think that this song is particularly fitting, in tone if not in subject matter.
@VarAck, why did I not think of that? Thanks for explaining it to me.
@ Bugsydor*thumbs up*
An odd thought, but this comes full circle on the origin of Nightmare Moon… Both the current Nightmare Moon and Luna say that the original Nightmare Moon was just Luna, but (I don't remember where) but it's been mentioned that canonically that Nightmare Moon was Luna possessed by her own negativity and another entity.Now the current Nightmare Moon has no knowledge of her power "enlightening" others nor cares… …she should though as Luna suggested the current Nightmare Moon has her own soul, is her own being, that's why Nyx seems to show through and the current Nightmare Moon has no cutie mark.If the "enlightenment" isn't part of Nyx's powers, but that other entity's, then other then Twilight it's the current Nightmare Moon (Nyx) who is in the most danger.
NMM doesn't have her cutie mark? >:3I can see a big clash between NMM and Nexus in the future- she's far too compassionate and merciful for his ideals.Things actually aren't too bad yet. You had me worried during the fight between Celestia and NMM, but I kept smiling hopefully through these latest chapters.
@ BurndogNo problem! I agree that Trixie is actually pretty talented at magic. "Not as powerful as Twilight" =/= "useless mage" by a longshot. In fact, have you read 'The First Light of Dawn'? The second chapter portrays Trixie brilliantly, I was in awe.
@PenstrokeNot quite threw but I just wanted to get this off of me:The story is still as good as it was in the beginning. Though it seems that more spelling mistakes have managed to worm their way in because you are probably trying to satisfy the community which is demanding as much as it can get.Another thing I am unhappy about is that Luna is basically only a plot element. Though considering the story that inspired this and how you wrote that I was kind of expecting you to continue in that direction anyway.Either way even with those bumpers I am enjoying the story greatly.Thanks.
I wonder, where'd they find Trixie anyway? Has she been hiding out around the Ponyville region this whole time?
Good grief, I'm on pins and needles here!
Btw, if there was a dad for Nyx, I expected it'd be Trixie 8(
@Anonymous 5:50I totally agree.
@ AnonymousSee, what I took from that is he's under the spell himself. People are saying he's got an ulterior motive but he's been acting damn subservient, following NMM's heels like a puppy.Of course, if NMM decides she's actually Nyx, his tune will change.
Now we just wait for the inevitable takover by Nexus.@BugsydorThat was uncannily fitting.
this so well written, the story is amazing, i can't find a single error. and i have never Hated a story this much. it's such an amazing dark and (for me) disgusting story. everytime i finish reading a chapter i feel like im about to throw up. and i tell myself i will Never read the next chapter. and YET when the new chapters arrive i dive in like an eager child. i can not find words of praise worthy enough.This is by Far one of the best MLP.FIM fanfics out there.
@VarMy first thoughts on why her coup was so swift and bloodless was that the author('s?) could avoid Nyx crossing anybody's moral event horizon. Looking at your idea, though, I've relegated mine to a secondary slot.
@Pen StrokeYay! Now I have an actual shout out to add to the tropes page. I hope the Anon doesn't mind too much if I copypaste most of his words…
I cryed.This is probably one of the greatest bits of fanfic for MLP:FiM created
I really like how the story is progressing, with the book of Esther in the most recent update, and the graveyard scene from Harry Potter 4 in the prologue, and the more subtle references. I don't care what anypony says either, Nyx is who is currently leading the cult, NMM fell when the spell did, and now, anypony trying to resurrect NMM would just resurrect Nyx because that is who NMM is now, even though her mind has been twisted by Nexus
Anypony want to take bets how long it'll be until Spell Nexus does something really stupid and end up getting vaporized?
This story has definitely brought out the man tears so far… Keep it up Pen Stroke!
SO…GOOD…
@BugysdorYeah, I figured that was a secondary reason. The delivery was quite elegant in that sense, making it so NMM is far from incorrigible, but rather than use it as justification to forgive her later it's used as the crux of NMM's internal conflict. And the Dr. Horrible music is perfect. In my mind, 2:44 is during the final scene where NMM rises 'standing up tall, regal and proud'… and the final bit of the song corresponds to the final line in the chapter.
Just after reading the new chapters.Still a quagmire of errors. Pen Stroke, Batty Gloom, you are hereby assigned to read this ponychan thread and heed their grievances. The fic will be made better as a direct result.http://www.ponychan.net/chan/fic/res/33435.html#33435My Chan name is Chaos Knux.
Great update, I was literally cursing at the update at first because the past two days I couldn't get this story, nor the emptiness in my chest out.I would've liked to see more actions between Celestia and Luna during their argument. Show us through body language what they're feeling, even though the dialogue sort of filled that in for us. I loved the mental battles that NMM has in her head from when she was a filly. So now I don't need to feel sad when I think about this or worry about the fate of characters in future updates. (My main concern was that the content on the right side of main image coming true.)Keep it up!
>wild outlandish theory straight out of a Final Fantasy endingNexus turns out to really be NightMare Moon all along or just a puppet to her power. Nyx was meant to be a new body to house her power but THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP AND KINDNESS made her unsuitable.
@Daniel It seems like many posters in that thread are butthurt because THEIR favorite stories never got this much love and attention. Also, the amount of "don't like what I don't like!" is comparable to /v/, and that's quite a feat.
@VarGlad you found the music fitting. The first thing that came to mind for me was the opening stanza, these lines in particular:My victory's complete, so hail to the king.(It makes sense in context)On the subject of the tropes page, I think I rather screwed up with my overuse of spoiler tags. Could you help me clean that up? As it stands, I have been erring on the side of caution and pretty-much blanketing the page with them. I don't think that the page would be understandable if all anybody could see was the non-spoiler tagged text.
@ DanielEh. People are going on and on about grammar stuff here and there and complaining that people don't 'know' how to rate stories.Last time I checked, the rankings were:* – hated it.** – didn't like it.*** – liked it.**** – really liked it.***** – loved it.I loved the story, so I gave it 5-stars.
It seems the only parts in the picture that haven't happened yet are the locking up of the CMC and Twilight at the gallows. Can't wait for the next update.
i'v reed EVERY PONY STORY ON EqD!!! i'm not lying. and i can say without a dout, this is the best.MAKE IT A REAL BOOK!!!!! if you keep making this story and never stop, i'd pay $50 for each chapter!! it's that good!!!!!the only thing is…… bring the REAL nyx back. she is WAY better while NOT nightmare moon ok?your awesome man, keep up the good work.i rate this 7 stars!
@ BugsydorOkie dokie lokie.
@BugsydorWow, your comment led me to watch Dr. Horrible and now I want this fanfiction to end similarly.As in Nexus murders Twilight, and Nyx breaks and rules as the true Nightmare Moon.But I'm a fan of grimdark stuff :p
Eugh. Reading the Ponychan thread was painful. Some people also seem to think that all the art above was commissioned for attention horsing?!I drew those two comics because I love this story and it inspired me! Yeesh.So much jelly.On that note, there are some issues with the current chapters. What stood out were the occasional missing or misplaced word and the formatting in the dialogue between Luna and Celestia.
Plot prediction. Cutiemark crusaderspoint out that she does not have cutiemark. Not sure what that would lead to, but somehow Nyx becomes nice again, or one could hope.
@AnonymousDangit, all of this leading people onto dark paths stuff that I have been doing lately is kinda disturbing. Trying to guide TheUncalledfor in converting to troperism (on the 666get no less), claiming another soul for my master Joss Whedon with Doctor Horrible's Sing Along Blog…WHAT HAVE I BECOME?! (Thrice-accursed lack of an interrobang key…)On a lighter yet more serious note, this fic getting an ending like that. They already promised that this wouldn't earn a sad or grimdark tag on the first page of comments.@Var:That was one heck of a quick response. Tried editing the tropes page to get to work on peeling back spoiler tags to find you were already there. Thanks!
@ John Savantor, they say that since she doesn't she is still a CMC and thus is still their friend. Unwavering friendship affects her more than she'll admit.Also, unrelated…@ Pen Stroke and Batty Gloom: I want to see a scene where NMM visits Twilight in the dungeons!!
@ Bugsydoryeah, but I'm going to sleep now. It's 3am where I'm at, and with a face like mine I need all the beauty sleep I can get! I posted something up on the discussion page there, basically what we need to do is get a whole mess of adorable tropes to throw down on that page so the spoilers aren't so evident.I'm sure we'll make it. I have a trope page for a fic of mine and just casual work here and there from a number of fans has turned it into something proud.
@VarProbably right about needing more normal examples that don't contain spoilers, but I think I see at least one entry that doesn't need nearly as much spoiler tagging.Maybe we could dredge through the early chapters for some tropes?
@SparklerIf there is anything wrong with this story, then it's the occasional grammar mistakes and typos. A little too much in the latest update.Seriously, I love this fic, but please do some more spellchecks!
@BugsydorSounds like a plan. Doublecheck trope categories like 'children' and 'parenting' while we're at it. I wanted to re-read it anyway, so I'll work on it over the next few days.I find it hilarious you converted a dude into becoming a true troper on the 666th post. I mean jeez, if there was any more proof you've ruined his life… XDD
@Anonymous 7:01 [Dr.Horrible spoilers ahead so watch that first, you should have watched it already but whatever]I really really hope that doesn't happen. Mostly because Dr.Horrible's ending made me just feel sorry for him instead of becoming the evil ruler he wanted to be he just became empty and if what people say is to be believed lonely beyond belief.
This is rather unrelated to the story but it's a point I'd like to make in regards to the art.When me and Quill wrote Party of None, I did a teaser picture for it of Pinkamena in the mirror. The reasons were threefold. It was a wonderful image that popped into my mind, I wanted to draw attention to the story so that people would read it AND the story felt like a more complete whole with that picture setting the mood at the beginning.People are odd like that. They like shiny, visual attention getting things! It's human nature frankly. A good teaser image will draw in people to read a story that they might normally not have read. Being on Deviant Art and other art sites that allow writing, I'll tell you now that a lot of authors suffer because of this. A writer will put tremendous effort into a written piece, easily as much as any visual artist… but they will have a harder time even getting people to take that first look.That's actually one of the reasons I love doing drawings for fanfics. To show my appreciation for a good story and to help those stories just get a tiny bit more exposure.Really though, in the end its about getting someone to just have that first read. Afterwards, its up to the reader himself what to make of the story.
@KillerowlYeah, it looks like a lot of times you guys relied more on autocorrect than on proofreading. Something that just bugs me, though, is how people (not just the authors of this illustrious fic) will say things like "pegasi guards." In cases like these, "pegasus" is an adjective describing the guards. Would you say "humans guards"? /MinirantAboutPetPeveOther than that, I freaking love this story and can muscle my way past the errors (although they can be a bit jarring).@Var:Sounds like a plan to me, too. Anyhow, the guy was already lurking on TVTropes, so it isn't like I actually did anything that extreme. As the Joker once said, "Madness is like gravity. All it takes is a little push." Besides, I think my post was technically the 667th, but that would have put post 666 on some guy offering a hug and there was a deleted post above it that I wasn't sure counted.
This story is fantastic, and I feel very emotionally attached to the characters, as everyone of them was done in perfect attitude/style. Its seems like this would actually take place, and Nyx was adorable. Please, when you are finished writing this, print it out and sell it so I can give you all of my money.
So, what exactly do you guys suppose will be the tipping point for NNM/Nyx?By that, I mean what will be the moment that the NNM-persona "dies" and Nyx is reborn (just like how Darth Vader was reborn into Anakin when the Emperor attacked Luke)?I hope this won't cause TOO much spoilers…
Why does Nexus have David's star on his flank… why are the bad pony's always Jewish… and why are they always rich as well? Is it possible that most writer bronys are antisemitic.
Did I mention that this should be the official MLP: FiM Movie already?These last three chapters are epic. So much is going on with NMM! Does she realize that she has not only a little bit of Twilight's blood in her, but also the formative experiences from being her daughter?Their bond is so strong… it should never be broken.I also get the feeling that Nexus has been overstepping his bounds for quite a while now… he resurrected his Queen, but he acts as if he's the ruler and as if all his expectations will be exactly what Nightmare Moon would want/do. He is a fool. Smart, but a fool. He's so convinced of his own superiority/knowledge that he has forgotten who he is really dealing with.He'll do something particularly stupid and Nyx will have his head.
I knew it.I knew Pen Stroke wouldn't disappoint me.Yes, this is coming along wonderfully.Nightmare Moon is not exactly as nightmarish anymore, is she?I mean she can't bring herself to kill Twilight…She starts cuddling her new Twilight plushie…She spares Celestia and Luna…She takes care of the photosynthesis problem…She spares the rest of the mane six…One has to wonder how she could even be considered a monster anymore.Well, looks to me like Nightmare Moon is dying – again.Slowly fading away, making way for Nyx' return.Right now she is both NMM and Nyx, an amalgamation of both personalities (ponyalities?), but NMM is getting weaker and weaker. If this continues, she will be gone soon.
Nope. Still don't buy Celestia in this. The reasoning she uses in this story is sound reasoning that some character might use to justify her actions, but NOT Princess Celestia. Celestia in this story is OOC. It's not a wallbanger for me, I still love the story but Celestia is just not part of that. The story tries to paint Celestia as being so hurt and in denial about Luna's change into Nightmare Moon that she treats Nightmare Moon, and Nyx by her relation to Nightmare Moon, as a completely seperate creature, an evil force to be destroyed. I can't buy that characterization of Celestia. All other ponies must have thought Luna was lost, and yet Celestia just banished her. The smart option would have been Nightmare Moon's death, yet Celestia did all in her power to perserve her sister. I can't imagine Celestia behaving any different with Nyx, a filly that her beloved student loved as much as Celestia loved her own sister. She would have tried reaching out to her.Nightmare Moon could have been brought into being in some other fashion that didn't character assassinate Celestia. I would have been perfectly fine with Celestia's battle with Nightmare Moon, with her one last final offer of turning away from her evil path and then when that was rejected her fighting with the intent of killing her opponent, if Celestia hadn't already made it plain that her only intent all along was to destroy Nyx. Why would Celestia try to reason with a complete monster? And if she didn't think Nyx was a complete monster she wouldn't have done what she did.
@KrekI would suspect it would be the imminent death by hanging of Twilight that would trigger the return of Nyx.
@AnonymousTrixie is a grade a BITCH! in all caps and with a mandatory exclamation mark.But she is NOT a coward, neither in this fanfic nor in canon.She DID try to defeat the Ursa/NMM respectively.And I think the Elements failed because of their lack of friendship, because, you know, friendship is magic.I also think Trixie's magic is pretty weak and her real talent is putting on a good (?) show. You know, since all she managed to do against the Ursa was to tie two of its toes together with a rope.
Nexus won'tbe happy.That arrogant bastard when learn this last act of mercy of Nightmare/Nyx ,he will conclude something have poison the judgment of her queen because she is now complete.Hello everyone…the last panel…now is a realityI think Nexus will order execution of Twilight without Nyx knowing and approvement …thinking this will cut the root of her queen actual odd behaviour.Nightmare moon will be furious.
@AnonymousPretend you are Pen Stroke. What would you do now? Answer me this, please.
@BlueDude… EVERYPONY is!
I feel like 11, 12 and 13, while important, are probably the weakest chapters in the series.
@Batty Gloom Hey I hope you aren't letting this Negative press of late get to you guys you both have done a good job it's just that some of the chapters to could stand A little more time in editing.
@AnonymousIt is….because I feel like we've failed our audience. They deserve nothing less than the very best.
This, is the best fanfiction I've ever read. Normally I dislike fanfiction of MLP, since Cupcakes ruined it, but this I approve.
@Wanderer D…wait, what the hell?!?*checks Fanon Extraction room**notices one vacant waterboard with its straps burnt off*…dammit, man! Those are expensive! Ugh. At any rate, I've already bet all my money on Nexus getting hanged on the gallows he built for Twilight… or at least, I hope he will…
@BugsydorI'm a looong time tropelurker. It is not improbable that I might convert to full troperism soon.
@ Batty Gloom hey you gotta keep your head up but there are people willing to work with you and PS to improve the story. This story is good but with some elbow grease it can pop
@VarHEY! I'm not converted….Yet.Also, TvTropes Will Enhance Your Live, okay?
@AnonymousAnd I appreciate it, but do they really want us to rewrite the entire story? I'm willing to do that but Pen Stroke isn't so sure about that.
@Batty GloomNothing really. I just really feel like Celestia's character is being done a disservice in this story. Some other plot device could have been used to bring about Nightmare Moon's return without having Celestia tear a filly from her mother as she screams in fear, fully intending to kill her (because dispelling Nyx would be an execution)if she turns out to be Nightmare Moon.Nyx has already been shown to blow things out of proportion, she could have been taken away from Twilight for simple tests and still felt like it was an abandonment. especially with being fully transformed into Nightmare Moon amplifying her negative thoughts.
-Batty Gloom Im here from the theory comment Mr.Gloom ,I was not pretenting anything just is what i think :)I was mean it to jump in conclusion like this and ruin the future plot..:(
@Batty Gloom *spit take* WHAT?!!Oh, NO. NONONONONONONONO!!!I am NOT about to see this fanfic go south when you two start changing it to suit the FanDumb's slightest whims!!! Especially with the bullshit claims they're presenting!!!You are not to change not one iota, not ONE WORD of what you have planned just because of a bunch of trolls!!! This is one of the greatest fanfics I have ever read, and I'll be damned if I let a few butthurt wannabe critics so much as TOUCH its quality!!!/rantSeriously, though, ignore the complaints and believe in your own writing. You can't solve a jigsaw puzzle by changing the shape of the pieces, so why would you change a character or a plot point?Trust me. You've got more talent than a lot of professional writers I've seen. Don't doubt that. Ever.
I'm I the only one who thinks spell nexus is a pony version of Kefka?
Oh my Celestia. When I read "Of course you can be my mom, you're the best mom ever!" I squeeee'd so loud my roommate looked over at me with a terrified look on his face.This is such a beautiful story.
@Batty Gloom IMHO I don't think the WHOLE story should be re written but some parts possibly rethought and edited a bit more ie proper tenses and some grammar. but the decision of rewriting should come down to you and PS if you want. But it would be a shame for you guys to scrap it now. Perhaps if you truly feel you should re write it do it sometime down the road. But please don't base your decision on my opinion it your story and your free to with it what you like
@Batty GloomIf you're going to rewrite the story, now I'm NOT saying you SHOULD, but IF you rewrite the story then ONLY rewrite Celestia's OOC moments.Because everything else is pretty much exactly what it should be.
@AnonymousKefka? No, not en zee slighest.Though…zhere eez a thought.QUICK! ZOMEBODY DRAW A KEFKA PONY!
I support NotAGoodUsername360 comment..The path chosen for this fanfic is gold.And it shouldn't be altered.>:(in fact for prove thisEVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WHEN WE REACH THE 1000 COMMENT ,LET'S MAKE A PARTY TO THE PINKIE PIE STYLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!FOR SHOW OUR SUPPORT OF THIS PROJECT..
@Batty GloomOh, thank Celestia, your accent's back. ^_^You were going full-on Battwynne Adonis Gloom on us!
I'm the anon who was complaining about Celestia's OOC moments. Like I was saying it was something that irked me but I don't think it necessarily needs to be rewritten. It's just a flaw I see in the story. The rest of the story is great.I can quite easily see how she can be redeemed, but it's just a situation where I don't think she should have to be redeemed because I don't think they are actions she would realistically do.
-Batty Gloomhey Mr Glomm here is the link for some kefka pony 🙂 http://browse.deviantart.com/?qh=§ion=&global=1&q=KEFKA+PONY
Awesome story.
@Batty GloomPlease rest assured that you haven't let us down. It seems to me that most of the hateful comments come from Anons and/or people reacting strongly to Twilight and Nyx's anguish in chapter 10 (which I would say is a good sign that you are doing your jobs right).Thanks for incorporating the "What the Heck, Hero?" moment, by the way. That was cathartic. I don't really mind what you have done with Celestia's character, as I can rationalize her actions as coming from her being blinded by rage and panic at the thing that had caused her 1000 years of grief returning.
@Anonymous OK, Anon, let's play it your way:Aldolf Hitler has been resurrected. Only now he's a little boy who's been adopted by a loving home, and you don't know whether or not he's going to repeat the Holocaust. What do you do? Do you take that chance and let him live? Or do you shoot the bastard where he stands? Tell me, would YOUR decisions be rational and well-thought out under those circumstances?
@Batty GloomLove the fic, only problem is that you could be doing a better job editing. There's kind of a lot of grammar mistakes spread through the chapters.
This story is amazing, while the celestia battle was not as epic as I was expecting, and the new chapters did feel weaker some how this is still by FAR the BEST FANFIC I HAVE READ (Including Non-Pony Fanfics). I am still looking forward to the next chapter, if you guys need extra time to make the chapters extra good then please take it, this story is so far amazing and I hope that it continues its amazing qualities.
@Blood Dragon JLI think that this is probably the best Kefka pony from that search you posted, but I would like to see better.
Even being able to make some educated guesses as to the direction of the plot, it is entirely possible that I squee'd like a small child when I saw that three new updates were available. But if I did it can't be legally proven… ;)I've been a big fan of this fic since I found it and have always been quite pleased at the quality of the writing so bravo Pen Stroke and bravo to you too Herr Batty.The one or two spelling and punctuation errors I found are barely worth mentioning and probably will be brought to the authors' attention before anypony reads this comment, so rather than go through them in an effort to be some kind of "serious critic" (which I just, frankly don't feel qualified to do) let me just repeat myself a little bit and say that this was very well written.And, of course, I can't wait to see what happens next…
Okay, this is much better than I was expecting.At this point the most poetic ending would be NMM using the Elements on herself in a heroic sacrifice thingy and being rewarded for it by getting to be Nyx again. Preferrably getting a cutie mark in the process.
"WARNING: POSSIBLE SPOILERS ON COMIC"Hey Sethisto: Yer supposed to say that BEFORE putting the comic that OUTLINES THE WHOLE FUGGIN' PLOT IN THE FUGGIN' HEADER!
@NotAGoodUsername360I in no way endorse Hitler or any of his actions, but confronted by a kid who just happened to be Hitler resurrected without any of his memories or the life experiences that led him to being as evil as he was I would definitely hesitate to shoot this kid dead on the spot.This is a poor example, though. If we take this to the logical conclusion isn't Luna Hitler, then? Only a Hitler that has been stripped of his evil by a magical rainbow attack. Why shouldn't Luna be shot dead, if Nyx should be?
@NotAGoodUsername360That is a way better way of saying it than anything I had thought up. Still, I will try to take it further:You also had a personal beef with Hitler on account of him sending your little sister to a concentration camp, and this has caused you anguish for the past 1000 years because you felt like you could have stopped Hitler before he got into power had you been more attentive at the time.Can people see how this sort of situation might color Celestia's judgement?
Figured this kind of thing would happen. The right side of the picture is not what will occur, but the expectations that are pushed onto Nightmare Moon. What people expect to occur. Also I'm guessing that "expectations" is the big word of the day here, considering how much Nyxmare Moon is tossing it about. It really is great setup. Though the only thing I wish was different was that we got a scene where the current mane 5 recruit Trixie, so we could see her in all of her bravado, before seeing her in her cowardice again. Having her run like that makes a bigger splash when she's been running her mouth the whole time. XD
*EDIT "Was that we should have gotten a scene where the current…"
@Batty GloomI think all thats needed is just a little more polish and proof reading. Don't buy into any of that junk suggesting that you guys change any of the core elements of the story, or have other fanfic "experts" force their ideas down your throat.Fan input is great, but it's way to easy to take it to far and end up breaking something that didn't really need to be fixed to begin with. "If you try and please everypony, you end up pleasing nopony."- Twilight Sparkle
@Anonymous No, no, no, you misunderstand: I'm referring to an old moral debate; that is, if you went back in time, and you ran into Adolf Hilter before he ever came to power, knowing what he would do later in his life, would you kill him to save the many people that died because of him?It's an old moral debate. Fiction tends to bring it up a lot. You can be surprised at how complicated it can get. See TV Tropes' "Hilter's Time Travel Exemption Act", for example.That's the basic instinct I think is affecting Celestia's judgement. "If you could stop it from happening, right here, right now… what wouldn't be worth it?"
You already have six stars, i don't think you have to change anything
I love this story as a concept. I love many individual scenes and moments in this story. I love most of the reads of the canon characters and most of the new characters. I enjoy the idea of Nyx and her characterization if not the actual characters.I really like the story, but it's not quite love right now…it's in an odd place right now, having hit a bit of a lull after the somewhat epic battle between Tia and NMM. The story seems to working at a slow and methodical pace moreso than a natural pace…I liked the pattern in the tour of the castle of trigger/reminisce, but it is symptomatic of a story that might be too structured if that makes sense.Oh well, I look forward to the seemingly inevitable conflict between Nexus and NMM.(Also, only the spoilery nature of the blogpics…I'm starting to see these as potential things and misleads more than spoilers)
@ErroneousDude! That first paragraph of yours about the main story pic is a revelation. What they did with the pic is brilliant.Also, I need to stop feeding the parasprites…
@Anonymous…I forgot to add. Also keep in mind that this story didn't just explode into the most popular fic on EqD for no reason. You've obviously done something right.
Dear lord, have we reached Godwin's Law already?Time flies….
@Anonymous Frankly, after 900+ comments, it's a miracle nopony made the connection sooner.Besides, it's an established archetype, and quite appropriate for this story.
@Anonym ousWell, it was bound to happen eventually with nearly one thousand comments. The small parasprite invasion was similarly unavoidable.
@Not A Good Username 360I get that. I think that would be a good reason for why other characters, characters more firmly shown to be on the Knight Templar style of morality, to dispose of Nyx before she can be a threat. But I just don't see Celestia using that style of reasoning. I see her as trying to really examine Nyx, rather then just assume that the nature of her birth means she's destined for evil. Nightmare Moon was essentially mindwiped and raised by her most trusted student, why shouldn't Celestia assume that something that was once apart of her sister could be redeemed by love?
I am just glad these didn't make me cry. I got teary eyed when they mentioned Nyx being torn away, but now I am really enjoying how the story is folding out.
filly nightmare is cute nice, and warm feeling inside, scary nightmare future just makes me disappoint.
@Anonymous Probably because she was the only one who ever saw Nightmare's power in action. Remember, Luna WAS Nightmare Moon at the time, so really, Celestia was the only one who knew what she WAS. Not IS. WAS. And what she WAS was pure evil at the time. It was probably not the sort of thing you'd forgive easily…
dragon eyes? i thought dragons eyes where supposed to ignite a deep feeling of awe and wonder when gazed upon them and remind someone of something magically outside the grasp of thought, right before you are either burned to a crisp or nudged out side the cave, (though only calm dragons are known to do that, so keep up your guard.) p.s. what does spike feel about this, knowing his jealousy?
@Anonymous …Also, did you ever watch Dragon Ball Z? Remember Piccolo's slow but steady character development? Yeah, that's basically what's happening to Nightmare Moon.
I say that we avoid talking about whether Celestia's actions qualify as something she would do under duress or if they constitute breaks in character. We have made our points, and anything beyond them would just be redundant.Pen Stroke and Batty Gloom don't even really need to worry about it. This is their story with their interpretations of the characters' personalities in abnormal circumstances, so I say we allow them some creative license…especially since it makes for a good story.@TheUncalledfor:I was mainly saying that I had converted you because it seemed like it would make for a good joke at the time. Totally not meaning to hurt your reputation or brag about my prowess of persuasion.
1. People whining about grammatical errors are nit-picking about insubstantial BS that they could easily fix themselves if it bothers them so much with open office, MS word, or even firefox. If your going to complain about someone forgetting "i before e except after c" your missing the point of enjoying a story. None of this is going to be published professionally so who gives a damn. Their criticisms are worthless as far as the story is concerned.2. do not re-write a single word. It is your story, tell it like you feel it should be told, everyone else can kick rocks. People like to interject what they feel should have happened in a story, I do it all the time, I do not voice it however because it is not my story to tell. A reader will either like or not like your story, and they have a right to for whatever reason, but they do not have the right to tell you how you should write your story to please them. So Celestia a little out of context for some people, big fucking deal, it's a non-canon story about a fictitious world of magical miniature horses. Do you think ANYTHING that happens in say, I don't know, Fallout: Equestria, could EVER possibly happen with the way the actual show presents the characters and the world? No, but it's a good story regardless, as is this, even if one character is slightly OOC.3. Finish it first. If then there are aspects about it YOU do not like and feel warrant changing then do so; but if you start a re-write now the story will never get done and you'll disappoint a lot of eager readers who haven't voiced their opinions. it's already happened to 2 stories I was eagerly awaiting subsequent chapters to that never got and will probably never be written because the authors were disenfranchised by a bunch of people bitching about pointless shit. re-writes were attempted, the authors got bored and lost motivation.This post has been #1 on the most watched post counter thing for a few days now. To not finish it would do the people waiting for an update a dis-service. obviously more people like it than dis-like it.
Loving how Nyx!Nightmare is shown having some compassion to those who were nice to her in the past.Curious what will happen to Nexus after Nightmare forces him to talk, he seems to have been making rules behind her back.Now we just need to know what leads up to the CMC's capture and Twilight's hanging. My bet is that the CMC attempted to enter the castle. Twilight's hanging is likely her punishment for Nightmare Moon's rebirth,since it seems to be happening in front of a large group of normal ponies and not the cult.
Hi! Anonymous user here! *gasp* (And now guess which one! *laughs*)*looks a comments made so far*Maybe I should make an acc. here……Sooo, I kind of had this evil idea in my head for chapter 13.When Celestia asks NNM/Nyx for the last time what she did to Luna instead of answering truthfully she should tell 'Tia' that she killed Luna (we already know she didn´t in that moment so no real harm done). Of course the problem out of this would be the larger chunk of text that suddenly would become obsolete. Doesn´t mean I won´t entertain that idea though.“TELL ME WHAT YOU’VE DONE!!!”"Why? I killed her! SLOWLY. You see, I realy needed to get in some more practice before facing you but Luna just couldn´t keep quiet. So in the end it took longer than I had anticipated. Otherwise I would have been here hours ago!"Yeah, I know I´m evil. *eyesroll*
@Batty Gloomthey can suck it. It's not their story.
You didn't come this far to turn back now. All that's just needed is a little more attention editing that's all. Don't start over now
So I finally decided that I better read this and see what all the fuss is about. Its been a good read so far. I'm not sure what else I can say besides what has undoubtedly been said over and over already. There were a few times where Twilight and Celestia seemed to act in ways that they should have known better, but it wasn't hard to let slide given the excellence of everything else.One thing in particular hit me though… I felt genuinely sorry for diamond tiara. She can't understand why, and doesn't have anypony to set things right.
Another fantastic set of chapters! Loving how this story is just chugging along, still carrying it's huge payload of heartache, action, humor and subtlety. Keep it up!(one tiny thing to keep in mind for the future, though… peek vs. peak)
@Anonymous Nope
The worst thing an author can do at this point is listening to other people. As for myself I am dead starved for good MIP anything and i like the take on NMM / Luna that is in this one.I can pretty much imagine the whole thing in my head because the author writes in whatever way he is writing it.Cant wait for more content xd.
That's some amazing stuff.I've been reading through almost every fanfic posted, and this is shaping up to be one of my top three or four favorites.It was a bit touch and go initially, but then I got into the story and characters, and now am hooked 🙂
I bucking hate you….This is the greatest thing since "Dangerous Buisiness" Over ten chapters, you showed us a cute filly that made Fluttershy look like a… a…. well something not cute and adorable. You gave us Nyx. You gave Twilight and the other characters profound happiness in this one character. And for that, I bucking love you…but then, you took that all away.You plunged Twilight into the uttermost depths of despair. You erased Nyx from the world and put everlasting night in it's place.I bucking hate you…
I forgot to mention hyperlinks. They are also a part of your winning combo
Now for a legit review.Everyone seems perfectly in character. You have nailed the voices and the motivations of everyone.The story is superb and incredibly executed. The dialogue draws you in and makes you feel for the character.I also love the references to the source material. The scene with Pinkie Pie and the Pinkie Pie Swear made me laugh openly. I also like the Harry Potter references: resurrecting a dark lord using the blood of the enemy, the bully's family (silverspoon and diamondtiara) being similar to the Malfoys.I can only see sad endings for this fic, which I suppose is good: that gives you the opportunity to do something spectacular and make everything okay.It also gives you the opportunity to validate all my fears, rip out my heart, stomp on it, and cause me to fall into spiraling depression.6/5 stars.Also, WEN IS NEXT UPDATE!?!
I love how this Nightmare Moon is just a filly forced in to doing stuff that's expected of her instead of actively becoming the full blown nightmare. Her memories of being Nyx bubbling up, her compassion, the lack of cutimark, all this tells me that Nyx is alive.Also, Keep Celestia's OOC moments. Personally I didn't see them as OOC, rather I saw them as in character as to me it seemed like she thought that the Filly that the spell produced would have the full memory of Nightmare Moon and act accordingly opposed to her actually growing up happily.
Am I the only one who sees the sunrise in the picture where Twilight is about to get hanged?FORESHADOWING
@Batty Gloom Please don't let anons and whiners destroy an amazingly well done scene!There are many *reasonable* explanations as to why Celestia acted like that. True, it might not ideal in the mind of some that prefer a perfect, flawless being, but bending to the will of those few that do not appreciate the power of that scene and what it *means* to the characters would be a terrible disservice to the story and to yourselves!This is a character driven story, there *need* to be mistakes, there need to be flaws in every character, doubts and fears as much as strength, determination, love and redemption.If they don't get that Celestia thought it was the best course of action and it resulted in a terrible mistake, then they are missing the point of the story and what it is telling them.
965 comments..wow simply wow.I can think of a couple of stories that have been around longer that don't even have half that.Just goes to prove how well a tale you've crafted. I could get use to this chapter blitz you've been churning out.Interested and looking forward to where this is going to lead.
THIS WILL BE CANON!!
Dear god, I love this fic. I'm just hoping that after it's complete there's more of Nyx.
@Batty Gloom, DO NOT change the scene where they take Nyx away! I thought it was very powerful, and it's the best way to scar Nyx enough to justify her ill feelings toward Twilight later in the story.
@AnonymousIf Fanimators end up doing anything, ANYTHING! it has to be an adaptation of this fic.To bad I have no talent in such things.
I foresee a comic with the grown NMM saying "I will now play for you the song of my people," and then she pulls out a kazoo and toots the Equestrian anthem on it.
@Valmir_R0yalGuArdThe image shows her at the gallows, there's still a chance she will get there but not get hanged.
@Wanderer DPlease don't encourage them to use fake clicheic excuses
@Pony1KenobiSeriously don't give them more credit
@AnonymousDon't suggest them more to mess around with people's emotions and use clicheic excuses such as turning a character in an idiotball especially Celestia
Forget about 6 stars – I propose that we put this fic in a class of its own – 7 stars / Legendary fics.
@ultra8It's All about marketing, he used fan art, especially the vector ones for other people to create more fan art, and they knew how much fan art helps people to read a story, that's why everyone checked this out, apparently if there are more images in one, people actually read
@AnonymousIt shall stay Fanon as long as i live
Oh… well… uh… what. This story ain't yours, people. Don't try to force the authors to do things that they (and the fans of how it is) don't want to happen. Personally, I'm in the "Imokaywiththis.jpg" camp. Minus some errors that get through (and really, nopony is perfect), it's a riveting tale about one major thing (or so I feel, YMMV), and one thing only: Acceptance of who you are, and not what others want you to be.In fact, let's take that and apply it here. Batty and Pen, if you don't mind me saying, just accept your stories as they are. We love them any which way you cut it. Don't let others push you into being Nightmare Moon simply because it's what they want and what they're trying to make you think they want. Accept yourselves as little Nyx, not the Mare in the Moon, and forge your own path, even if you do get forced into being NMM at one point.Oh, and lurking troper here too. I've pretty much read most every page at least once. It's how I got the ability to actually be able to click out of a TV Tropes page any time I want. I already know most of the content on them, and don't care much for new content unless I'm interested in the series.Also, at whichever anon pointed out the sun rising in front of Twilight while she's getting ready to be hanged: You win the "Hope Spot award for a happy ending". I didn't notice that AT ALL in my initial 20 viewings of the picture. I'm blind!I still write too long comments. I should stop that, since almost nopony reads them.-S.Aura
@Anonymousyeeh…legendary at what a marketing attention whore scheme it could haveBut i must say i'm impressed by the use of fan art for publicity, only thing i hate is people actually thinking the story is worth 6 stars, maybe the marketing execution worth 6 or even 7 stars…but the story? no thanks, even tho i've seen many other stories get 6 stars and not actually worth that much, this one stands out because of the amount of images, and preparation for it which have been made to make sure it goes viral
@BurndogI never thought it was Trixie's fault in the first place regarding the Ursa Minor; that was entirely Snips' and Snails' fault.Part of the thing that makes the Elements of Harmony really *work* is friendship. I think it says something about Trixie that she even was willing to give it a go! Personally, I think the failure of the Elements was due to their friendship with Trixie not being terribly strong. I also think Trixie's strength is not magic, but showmanship (showponyship?)
@Batty GloomBah, people have their own ideas in their heads about what should or shouldn't happen.While the last three chapters haven't been as emotionally moving as it was earlier, I am still glad that things have gone way better than they could have. I tell you, I was filled with dread after reading chapter 10. There were a number of ways things could have gone really badly for us fans, but we've been spared our worst fears.I can say that I think the sheer adorableness of Nyx in the first part of the story thus far has been absolutely addicting. I admit, I'm still a bit in shock at the drastic turn the story has taken, and I *knew* it was coming. I *knew* it was coming and wanted to deny it, but it came anyway, and I still don't know how to deal with it.Yes…that's what I think I'm dealing with now. I think of adorable little Nyx. I want Nyx to win. I so very want a happy ending, but this story…I'm not sure I'm going to get it. And I love it.
Sound the bugle now. Play it just for me. As the seasons change, remember how I used to be…
@Mr.Reader I don't think that they had the intention of this going viral just like they did with better living through science and ponies. Yes this had a custom image but aren't the images on all stories on EQD supposed to be an attention grabber?They didn't intend this to be a lol let's get all the attention away from the other stories
@AnonymousWith that i gruesomely disagree, they have all the chapters already made, so why didn't they post them all in one go?But i have to say…Notch and Steve Jobs would be proud, and they would surely get hired as marketing experts 😛
We ALL know that Twilight is the source of the supernazi's ( Nightmare moon) power.Also,Rarity is Hitler> prove once again Godwin's law? check.
Holy shit. someone 400 post before this one has ninja'd me.
@Mr.Reader Case in point.
@Mr.ReaderDude. Sometimes people draw art for a story because they love the story. I want to draw Nyx because I love the story, not because anyone asked me to.I mention the story to other people because I think it's worth reading–not for personal gain, but just because that is what I honestly believe. I want to share something cool with other people.In a way, it sort of sounds like how a certain cartoon show became popular in the first place. It's a darned good show, and people really wanted to share it with others.The simplest explanation is most often the correct one. 🙂
Cara bella, cara mia bella!Mia bambina, o ciel! Ché la stimo…Ché la stimo.O cara mia, addio!La mia bambina cara,perché non passi lontana?Sì, lontana da Scïenza, cara, cara mia bambina?Ah, mia bella!Ah, mia cara!Ah, mia cara!Ah, mia bambina!O cara, cara mia…I think this sums up what Twilight must be thinking…save for that bit about science……..COME BACK TO ME NYX I LOVE YOU!!! ='(
@HeartmendIf there was no vector art of Nyx you wouldn't have known where the crap to start from with drawing fan art consisting of Filly NightmareMoon
Anon's right: if they have all the chapters ready why do they keep posting them separately?Pen Stroke is Really Really smart if you ask me. his story will be read by maybe hundreds of thousands. He's hogging the attention and he's damn good at it.complimenti, mr Stroke, Bravo.Don't try to deny it.The story IS nice anway, but not SO nice to get all this fanart and votes. You clever , clever (insertrandominsulthere).
>legendary at what a marketing attention whore scheme it could have@Mr reader Yet, Luna" versus the Microwave" series had nearly as much votes and comments as this one. Indeed, the "Luna x Abacus " stuff spread on the internet brought many more fans, but it was something Made somewhat During the fic.this marketing scheme had been made before, so it's something that has never happened before.
^… this marketing scheme HASN'T had been made before so it's something that has never happened before. sorry.
no. wait. Ignore my correction. I can't brain today, I have the dumb.
@Anonymousi think the same there will be a conflict between Nexus and Nyx/ Night Mare Moon..he vane been doing thing on his won, even against the queens orders, he is planning something …aarrrrr i hate Nexus so much wound be surprised if he actually tries to hung Twilight whit out telling the queen
I don't usually read or post comments, but the business about rewriting Celestia's portions makes me feel like I should say something, since this is currently my favorite story and I worry that altering it would damage what I thought was an important aspect of the plot.While Celestia's behavior has been out of character, I assumed that this was intentional, to show the degree to which her fear of a reincarnated Nightmare Moon clouded her judgement. Luna's horrified reaction in chapter eleven, paired with Celestia's blunt dismissal of her moral and logical objections seemed to reinforce this. Her unwavering insistence that the new Nightmare is the malevolent tyrant reborn makes Nyx-cum-Nightmare's acts of mercy and forgiveness in chapter thirteen all the more important for how starkly they defy her expectations. Assuming she has any further role in the story, I'd rather see whether she can confront her own errors, having been shown mercy that she herself had been unwilling to offer. At the very least, altering Celestia's role would mean that everyone who knew Nyx's origin would have been willing to give her a fair chance, which seems contrary to the overall theme of the story.Really, I prefer the story as you've written it so far, and feel that a flawed Celestia makes for a better and more interesting work than a perfect one would. Whatever the case, you shouldn't feel pressured to change a significant part of your work based on the dislikes of a portion of your audience.
@S.Aura KnightI just read your comment. Bravo. Great analogy between the story and the meta level.Would you be interested in working on the tropes page a bit? If you want to keep lurking, that's fine too.Also, you don't know long comments until you see what I write when I get on my soapbox.
@BugsydorHurt my reputation.(Flat) What.What the hay.How is that supposed to work, I dont even…Okay, listen, I AM going to convert to full troperism. Probably.But I have yet to get known by the site and to make my first edit, so I'm not converted yet.But hurting my reputation, seriously, how would that be hurting my reputation, that doesn't even make sense.What in the hay, seriously!
@theuncalledforJust joshing you. Grats on the 1000get, by the way.Also, YAY! 999get!Anyhow, back to more serious business. Guys, please remember not to feed the parasprites. It only encourages them. Also, Chapter 10 is perfect and should not have worked out any other way. Don't change it.There was something else I wanted to post, but I forgot what it was…
@EVERYONE!First: please don't feed the trolls!You know why. Don't do it.Two: Everypony Loved, Everypony Welcome. Have a pony!This has been our Motto since the days of 4Chan & /b/ (Fuck rules 1 and 2!). Using this creed we have survived spiders, gore, cp and everything else. No, not survived… We have THRIVED. We have grown to be THE BEST fandom… in the world. Now, I have loved and tolerated the shit out of to many asshole to see us fall apart now!I Love You.I love each and every single fucking one of you. Deal With it.I don't care what anyone has to say. EVERYONE is entiteled to their opinion. And by virtue of Mouse & Keyboard, they are entitled to SHARE it. TL; fuckin' DRWE are the best damn fandom in the world lets act like it!Or so help me Celestia,I will love and tolerate the shit out of you.
I was so happy to see this update today. Pen Stroke, Batty, you two do amazing work. The last update had me crying, but this one went a long way towards drying my tears. For you two to be able to evoke such emotions from simple text is amazing. Also, I think that maybe, just maybe…, that there may be a happy ending to this, and I'm clinging to that hope for dear life.Oh, five stars by the way… from all 9 web capable devices in my house. You deserve them, to say the least.
Also, if everyone here hasn't noticed yet, this is now THE highest rated fanfic on all of EQdaily (I checked. next highest is "Progress"). It is also the fastest growing story. That is all.
@Batty GloomNo need to rewrite the story, in my opinion. You guys have a done a great job with the chapters as is. The way I see it, if it ain't broke, there's no need to fix it.
@Pen Stroke and Batty Gloom:Now I and my excessive use of italics remember what I was going to say!One of the things that I love about your writing in this story is your excellent control over your readers' emotions. You manage to keep both a thread of despair and a thread of hope going at all points in the story. I never feel completely safe, yet I never feel completely hopeless, either.You make us feel vulnerable even during the sweetest moments of the story, so that those moments are cherished even more. You cast us into a pit of despair, but only so that we can climb so much higher. There is always suspense, even when we know that something is a foregone conclusion. You reassure us with little hints and nods even when it seems that everything is going down the crapper. That poem after chapter 10 was a nice touch, by the way, as well as the hints that she retained her personality through the transformation.You two have done well, and deserve every one of those 6 stars you earned. I just ask that you keep it up, and don't bow before the parasprites, haters, or whiners. This is your world, and nopony can take it from you unless you let them.Dang…was I too cheesy? Well, being a large ham can be fun once in a while, too. 😉
Jesus, JUST LET PEN STROKE WRITE HOW IT PLEASES HIM! ARTISTIC INTEGRITY, REMEMBER?!WE AREN'T ACTIVISION OR EA!Gawddammit, maybe I won't continue Pony Symphony if this butthurtery goes on like this.
Gee, I wonder how this story is going to end… Cause you know, nobody has ever done this plot before.
Nyx is definitely resurfacing from Nightmare Moon. I suppose Twilight's imminent hanging will cause Nightmare to go back to Nyx mode, defeat all the cultists, banish Nexus to the moon, and release Celestia and Luna.
crossing fingers for happy end, crossing fingers for happy end, crossing fingers for happy end, crossing fingers for happy end…Did it work?
@ The people grousing about the artwork drawing so much attention to this fic.You guys sound like you've got a bad case of Tall Poppy Syndrome: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TallPoppySyndromeIf you believe in your work and want it to be a success, then you make sure to do what you can to enable that success. If you write a story but don't publicize it, then securing a deserving audience will be about as likely as Sisyphus pushing his rock to the top of the hill. Once people are aware of your work and paying attention, THEN it's up to your story to stand on it's own merits, which Past Sins clearly does.
Part 13 already? How are you cranking this out so quickly?!
😥
@VarAh, the norwegian "Jantelov", how wonderful it is to see you again.
I'm afraid I must join the rank of bronies who're confused by the success of this fic, I guess people just see something in this fic that I do not. Personally, I feel as though the pictures and comics based on Nyx contributed more to the popularity than the writing itself, but that's just my own opinion.The character of Nyx feels rather… two dimensional… Mind you, I think she is adorable and an utter delight to read, but reading her scenes felt much like chugging down sugar, you get a rush of sweetness that doesn't quite last; it felt like watching another one of those 'watch this kitten does this' videos on youtube, cute, but not causing the kind of deep impression on my mind that I'd come to expect from a six star fic.I also felt as though the later chapters were advancing a little too fast, Twilight's capture, Luna/Celestia's defeat and subsequent banishment, and the rather anti-climatic (but not unexpected) fall of the Elements of Harmony.Regardless of others' view on Celestia, I felt she went down a little too easily, I had expected much more from the Sun Princess, especially when enraged about her sister's second banishment to the moon. But then again, that could be the Celestia loyalist in my head speaking.Do not get me wrong, bronies, I have absolutely no problem with this fiction, if anything, I enjoyed it thoroughly. It's just that… if I am given the option of giving this fic either 5 stars or 6, I'd have to opt for the prior.tl;dr I like this story but I personally don't find it as good as as the hype suggests, bracing for possible incoming hate.On a completely different note, am I the only one who's reminded of the ending song from Doctor Horrible by the end of chapter 13?
@ Pen and BattyYour fantastic story has gone and prompted me to create a pony-related Google account specifically to comment on EqD. I hope you're both happy. That said, I'm gonna go ahead and skip the obligatory "TAKE ALL MY STARS" comments because you already have them, and I don't want this post edging into TL;DR territory.To the folks who accuse the authors of being shrewd marketers of their own work: when did that become a bad thing? The amazing cover art does set the bar pretty high for the story itself, but as Var says, "Past Sins" more than lives up to the hype. To those who can't get past the spelling and grammar issues: I can't really say I blame you, but at the same time, I didn't find them too distracting. No error was egregious enough that it took me out of the story, anyway. Certainly Pen and Batty could stand to proofread a bit closer, but I've seen Kindle books that were much worse off. I can't wait to read the next chapters. I'm still holding out hope that Twilight and Nightmare Moon will have the opportunity to reconcile, even if the ending earns this story a [Sad] tag.
again great writing, poor NMM she's having a internal struggle. i again say great writing. the fact that you both force out this amount of chapters in the small time frame you are giving yourself. is absolutely astounding. also the quality amazes me. keep up the great writing
To the author(s), please don't rewrite this fic for the few people who don't like parts of it; you would only disappoint the hundreds who absolutely love the story as it is right now.You just can't please everyone.
Excellent read. A bit of spellcheck failures here and there but nothing coming even close to annoying (just pausing for a moment to guess the correct word) and seeing how you put these out at a very fast rate, a typo or two is (in a way) to be expected.***!Spoiler Alert For The Rest Of This Post!***The only actual criticism I have is against Celestia's actions in Ch 10. If you ask me you went a bit too far with it and made Celestia grab the Idiot Ball there. Nothing critical though and the "What the hell, hero?" done by Luna shortly afterwards makes this problem a lot less harmful.Keep up the good work and don't change the story in the middle of things. That has turned way too many things to shit.Ps. Did anybody else picture the fight between Celestia and Nightmare Moon like a fight between jedis? Complete with music (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nG1KxEs9xV0) and light sabre sound effects?
Bronies can we like give this a 7 star rating???Is it possible??
@RubidiaI can see for some people Nyx may be 2-dimensional, but this is not the case. She is a filly who has lost her memories, a blankflank who is insecure of not knowing her own personality.There is a reason she is curious and learn driven. Learning helps you to understand the world you live in, how much you relate to it, and most importantly, you reflect about it to understand yourself better. She is the cute form of Faust seeking knowledge to understand everything. Not to become a god at the end mind you, but….oh my, it did happy.
So. Trixie agreed to help the mane five – while she had no interest in doing so. She stood against Nightmare Moon risking her life, despite being completely unprepared for it – unlike the other ponies, who at least knew what to expect while using Elements of Harmony. And for this she gets to be mocked and described as a coward – bravo. I officially subtract one star, you mean Trixie-haters.
@HertzilaYes.You.They should listen to you.Because you're right.@Pen Stroke and Batty Gloom:You guys hear that? Those are wise words, listen to them, not the whiners, haters whatevers. Your story is great the way it is, even with Celestia's idiocy in chapter ten, which I still think is out of character, but note that this is only my uneducated opinion.If you try to fix this, you might end up causing more harm than good, which neither you nor your readers would be happy with. So just spare yourself, and us, the trouble, okay?You don't have to be perfect all the time. Perfectionism can ruin almost anything it touches, as I know from personal experience.
@Hertzila"Ps. Did anybody else picture the fight between Celestia and Nightmare Moon like a fight between jedis? Complete with music (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nG1KxEs9xV0) and light sabre sound effects?"I did. Made everything more epic.
@LindilOnly one star? Wow, you must be Rarity.Because that very generous of you.Seriously, I don't like Trixie, she is a huge BITCH! (all caps and exclamation mark mandatory), but she is NOT a coward.As I have already said in another comment, she tried to defeat the Ursa in Boast Busters.Let me repeat that, this time properly emphasising what that actually means.She tried to defeat a huge eldritch abomination space bear apparently made of tangible night sky.Yeah, that sounds freaking cowardly, especially when your greatest power is telling other ponies how powerful you are.And joining the mane six (currently short of one member) against NMM? I'd call that downright heroic, especially since she KNOWS that she has no idea what she's up against.So yeah, I agree with you.
@LindilShe is a coward in the actual series. Cowards lie and try to make themselves look better.That's exactly what Trixie did in that episode. Also, try the other chapters too. They're fun.
@AnonymousOh I did read the other chapters, and they indeed are fun. The thing is that Trixi wasn't a coward in Boast Busters, what Theuncalledfor explained in enough detail I think. I can only add that Trixie was an actor, and described herself vanquishing Ursa Major during her act. If you consider this a cowardice, then I have to point out that with such logic the title of the greatest coward ever is a tossup between Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone. After all both of them presented themselves often as heroes in their acting, and I sincerely doubt they would be able to perform similar heroics in reality…
@LindilI actually read that other comment and feel a little silly.Sorry. But I still don't think that one part was enough to rate one star.
@AnonymousNo need to apologize to me, my fellow Brony:) Trixie on the other hand, could certainly use some;)And I don't give the story one star due to the completely despicable way the authors treated poor, little Trixie (Great and Powerful, the). I subtract one star from the initial five, for a total of four;)
I do have problems with the latest chapters,1) Things advance a little fast for my tastes. Though that might be more because these plot points have been pushed aside as more trivial things compared with what is to come. (Nyx redemption etc).and 2) WTF did you just do with the elements of harmony? Why did they not go hunting for twillight?
@ LindilI think most people mocking Trixie for her role in this fic are kind of missing the point of her appearance.It was a desperate last stand on the part of the Elements of Harmony. But even though Trixie agreed to help, she knew she couldn't use the Element of Magic as it was needed and she's not really good friends with them anyway. There was no 'spark' of Friendship, and because Friendship is Magic, they were doomed to fail.I don't blame her for running, anyway. She agreed to help out, not to go hoof-to-hoof with Nightmare Moon herself. @Killerowl um, "Jantelov"? Not familiar with that.
@ DamhoofMy thoughts on the matter were:"The speed of the takeover, the ease at which Nightmare Moon succeeded, the submissiveness of her followers (and the explanation for their devotion, being mind altered by dark magic) should have bothered me, but in reality they helped me realise why I like this fic so much.It's perhaps one of the purest fanfics I've read. Other fanfics would have drawn this out, played the battles as a war with drawn out tragedy. There would have been more plot threads, fleshing out the side character's place in the tale. However, this fic realises this isn't necessarily and moves beyond it, looking at Nyx and seeing what happens to the fearsome Nightmare Moon when she has everything to gain yet nothing to fight for. At it's core the fic is about Twilight and what she will do for the sake of another, and about Nyx struggling to understand where she should belong – as a filly she found solace in her friends and mother, but that has all been ripped from her. Her lack of a cutie mark highlights this."
If this fanfic doesn't have a happy ending, I'm going to punch someone.
male, 19 years old not afraid to say i shed a tear at chapter 10!This Fanfic would make an awesome MLP Movie…
I'm absolutely astounded by how quickly these updates are being hammered out, and yet maintaining such a high quality. True, a couple of typos have crept in, but the fact that so many emotions are being drawn out by this writing is a reflection of the talent behind the writers. Very much looking forward to the other installments.
Very touching story, looking forward to a new chapter 😀
The wait is killing me. I've lost sleep already.Please ignore the trolls and don't dare rewrite it. It's gold as it is.
You should see the people over at Ponibooru hating on Nyx because she's such a "Mary Sue".Heh. Silly Anons. Don't they even know what L&T means? Or are they just some really educated & well-versed Parasprites?I'd really hate to think it's the former, 'cuz that'd mean they fail hard at being true Bronies.Chuckles aside, I think this could be one of the best fic on ED, right up there next to Antipodes & Getting Lucky (In order of Genre).Though that's just my humble opinion. Feel free to wail on me with hatespam. I'll love and tolerate you regardless. 🙂
@VarIt was mentioned in the trope page you linked, Tall Poppy Syndrome.The Norwegian term Janteloven ("the Jante law" or "the law of Jante") comes from the 1933 novel A Fugitive Crosses His Tracks by Danish-Norwegian author Aksel Sandemose. In this book, the first-person narrator comes from a small town called Jante in Denmark, where the working-class inhabitants follow the unwritten Jante law, which consists of ten rules that basically boil down to "Don't think you're anything special":1: Don't think you're anything special.2: Don't think you're as much as us.3: Don't think you're wiser than us.4: Don't convince yourself that you're better than us.5: Don't think you know more than us.6: Don't think you are more than us.7: Don't think you are good at anything.8: Don't laugh at us.9: Don't think anyone cares about you.10: Don't think you can teach us anything.Later on in the narrative, an eleventh rule is formulated: "Don't think there's anything we don't know about you."
How many chapters are there going to be?I keep coming back and a new chapter is added on.
"This story's been told before." Well of course it has! What hasn't? That blanket statement is totally missing the point. It doesn't matter if it's been told before. What matters is HOW it's told, and that it creates its desired effect.When you're not just reading words on a screen, but actually hearing the characters' voices, or instead of just reading about the events, you're right there with the characters seeing what they see, feeling like you're right there with them, laughing with their joy, crying with their pain, sitting in anguished anticipation at what will happen next (even when you already "KNOW" what's going to happen), then the author has accomplished his goal.@ Pen Stroke I think you've done a masterful job in telling this story and I don't wish for you to change a thing. Just tell it as purely as your heart sees fit. Nothing less will do.-Moonlight Ballad, Bard of Equestria
There is no such thing as perfection, and a story does not need to be perfect to deserve full marks. "It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door" was multitudes shakier, and it was still a great read.Yes, I want the characters in a fanfiction to remind me of the original as much as possible, because the original is what fascinated me enough to read fanfiction in the first place. But, I can, and will, forgive liberties taken if they are necessary, and if the result is good enough. This story right here works. It's fucking great. I don't even care whether Nyx is supposedly two-dimensional or what, it was all about my favorite pony Twilight Sparkle being a surrogate mother and she was so adorable what the hell Twilight why do you make me cry?My image of Celestia, as painted by watching the show, wouldn't allow her to treat Twilight like that; but then neither would my image of Celestia's court allow for a secret Nightmare Moon resurrection cult. I don't expect stories to conform to my particular images of the characters to begin with. "This is a Celestia who will do really stupid things if she thinks it's for the greater good." I can deal with that. Twice so if it's necessary for the story to work as intended. If I were to write fanfiction, it would not be the Celestia I use, but I can assure all the Celestia purists out there, you would hate my fanfiction for a myriad of other reasons, half of which I can even imagine.And for the record, I love every bit with the rest of the mane cast; they are spot on – to the point that, since this story is much more serious that what we're used to from the show, they act pretty much as the comic relief. I can deal with that too!Just give me another chapter already, will you?
@RubidiaALL characters are one- or two-dimensional to begin with. That's how you know a story is *not finished* yet. Nyx's/Nightmare moon's character is (frankly) still a kid. Children just don't have enough history or growth to be fully fleshed out characters until they undergo a full hero journey. At that point, it can be argued that childhood is over, and the hero journey's success or failure can be gauged (sp? Seriously, spellcheck is failing) off whether they appreciate their youth and the innocence of the other children around them.@HertzilaOh, HELL yeah! Celestia is teh f**kin' Jedi! Does this mean alicorn-Twilight would be the pony Mace Windu? ("She's one baaad motha-f…" "Shut yo' mouth!" "I'm just talkin' 'bout Twilight!")On Trixie:The little fan-pony in me that was hopeful upon figuring out Trixie's inevitable appearance from the teaser image a full 24-hours before her appearance chapter was posted that she'd be a major contributing factor…but I can understand that she's NOT the central character in the story, nor should she be. Her actions perfectly match 1.) her character as we last saw her on Boast Busters and 2.) the action as dictated by the needs of this story. This is not a Trixie-fic, get over it.I had more, but I got distracted by TV Tropes. :p
@Batty GloomI wouldn't presume to say what should be done, because the story isn't done yet and I'm sure there's going to be lots of unexpected stuff coming up. But here's my own personal thoughts and perceptions of how Celestia's been handled so far.I was among those who were surprised and unsettled by Celestia's actions when she took Nyx away. However, I wouldn't exactly call them out of character. Each of Celestia's actions has had good reasons behind them, and there's no way that she could have known in-character which actions were ultimately mistakes.Keeping the possibility of Nightmare Moon's return a secret from Luna made sense at the time, because she thought she could slam a lid on the situation and wrap it up quickly. If nuking the ceremony at the beginning had really been the end of it perhaps it would have worked out. Instead it turned into one of those self-perpetuating snowball deceptions that are the classic downfall of so many well-intentioned beings.Taking Nyx away and leaving Twilight behind made sense because she thought that the only two possible outcomes: That Nyx was really a normal filly (in which case she'd be returned home in a matter of hours) or that Nyx was really just some kind of soulless embodiment of hatred and jealousy that had merely pulled the wool over everyone's eyes, in which case it was best for Twilight as well as everyone else that she be neutralized quickly. The fact that Nyx turned out to be both Nightmare Moon and a normal filly was completely unexpected.Luna's "what the hell Hero" speech was exactly what the story needed once both of these decisions bit Celestia on the ass. It was a great way for the story to illustrate exactly how much of a mess Celestia's plan had wound up being despite the good intentions behind every step of that plan. Little wonder Celestia couldn't sleep for a week afterward. So although Celestia's actions did seem a bit jarring to me at the time that she did them, I think that's okay – they should be jarring, and Celestia herself came to realize that she'd screwed up and done a bad thing.I don't think any substantive rewriting of existing material is needed. What I'm on tenderhooks about is what's coming up, presumably near the end of the story, when Celestia returns. She's going to have to face Twilight. And she's going to have to face herself, with the realization that even after what she'd done Nightmare Moon showed her more mercy than she herself was prepared to give.As long as these issues are all dealt with in the end, I think the story is stronger for having them. Flawless characters are boring and pointless – one of the greatest strengths of the show, IMO, is how the various main cast have realistic flaws in their personalities along with their strengths.The writing of this fanfic has been really excellent so far. I'm betting that it'll all work out great in the end. 🙂
Man, if the last 10 chapters didn't cement my love for this Fanfic, 11, 12, and 13 certainly did. That poem at the end of 10 really was an excellent bit of foreshadowing, and it really is starting to show. NMM spared Twilight, Celestia and Luna, and now Twi's friends? Something isn't right with what she should be, and I think this is going to lead to some pretty interesting developments. Keep up the good work!
Personally, I don't believe Nyx is "Nightmare Moon", in a way. Nightmare Moon was a product of Luna's negative feelings (of which I have forgotten, silly me), feelings that Nyx apparently does not have.That, and I currently live under the assumption that Nyx/NMM's lack of a cutie mark is still extremely important.
f5. No chapter 14. 1 hour later: f5. No chapter 14.1 hour later: f5. No chapter 14.blargh, the sad realization that i am going to have to be patient….
@Bugsydor It tain't a great analogy. It's just my opinion.I'm sure if anything would get me into troping, it would be finding examples of tropes in this story. But, if you don't mind me saying, I'll wait until the story is complete, since I'm sure I'll marathon it a couple times after that and be able to pick up on what fits what trope better when I'm not hanging onto hope that this turns out okay. And crying a ton.Nopony beats my lengthy comments. And I don't want that to sound like a challenge, because it's true. In four comments on this story I think I've clocked over 2000 words. That's a thing to… okay not be proud of. But it is a thing.
Personally i would't have let nyx turn into nmm, even the version she is now. Think about this, the nyx we love is gone, and even if twilight somehow saves her, I dont think she would change back into a filly, and even if she did, all those evil memories would have destroyed her innocence and pureness. She would always feel sadness and regret for ever hurting or wanting to hurt the ponys she loved.
Last night I was so happy to see that my two favorite stories had updated (this and FO:E) – after reading the other I came straight here with great anticipation and apprehension as to what would happen. I wasn't disappointed in the slightest with chapters 11-13, and in fact the little detail Nightmare Moon mentioned (that they were planning a way around plants not being able to grow without the sun) was particularly impressive. I suppose that really though, I'm just trying to keep focused on that small thought to keep from crying – as much for the story as for all the undue hurtful comments it has received.Please, Pen Stroke and Batty Gloom – keep up the good fight, never surrender.
so many wall-of-texts in the comments! D:Enjoying the story, keep it up, etc. etc. 🙂
If someone made a movie out of this, I would cry from every spot of my body, because this story is WAY too good and complex to be told in an hour and a half. Maybe if somehow MLP got serious and decided to make episodes of one hour, this story would fit perfectly. But movie? are you crazy? remember what happened with "the last air bender"? (unless the director had the delicacy of the one that made the LotR movies; but again it should be like a trilogy to not miss any important detail)Keep the excellent work, and take your time, we wouldn't like that because of too much hurry you messed up something unintentionally (but don't take too much, or we readers may die of anxiety D:)
Stupid Celestia is stupid. Somepony who's managed to create and maintain a society based on peace and harmony for over 1000 years ought to know better. At the very least, I wouldn't think that Celestia would be one to pick murder in cold blood as her first an only option."A deep man believes in miracles, waits for them, believes in magic, believes that the orator will decompose his adversary; believes that the evil eye can wither, that the heart’s blessing can heal; that love can exalt talent; can overcome all odds." – Emerson."If someone is found guilty of committing a crime then we as a society have given ourselves the right to punish them by locking them up. But we also acknowledge that even someone convicted of committing a crime retains some basic civil rights…A civilized nation should concern itself with protecting and maintaining the rights of all of its citizens, be they prisoners or not." – Richard Hall"Beware of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he dreams himself your master." – Sid Meyer"If the government becomes a law-breaker, it breeds contempt for the law. It invites every man to become a law unto himself. It invites anarchy." – supreme court justice Louis Brandeis.Still, its a good read. Its your own story, you've made the characters your own, and you're not obliged to made the characters fit my pre-conceived notions. I just think this Celestia is extremely dislikable, but she is not the same thing as the story itself.
Am I the only one who checks back every two minutes. i normally can't wait for a fanfic. but this is driving me insane. really *crawls into corner petting a stuffed pony.*
I can't wait for 14! This is one of my favorite stories in general, not just fan fictions, but among classic literature. The pacing is great and the exploration of ancient and youthful characters gives it a range of themes, without being all over the place. Nyx is awesome! Maybe a little exploration into Nyx having dream related abilities might be a cool thing for future developements. My impression, is that Pen Stroke already finished this, and is publishing it gradually. If I could, I would give this seven stars. Bravo!
@Shadow Angel Man, no pony's going to be the same after this. Crap happens and you either learn and grow from it or let it tear you to pieces.So long as Twilight still loves Nyx, things will turn out ok.
Celestia's actions were bad enough, but Luna's "What the hell hero?" was an extra kick in the gut. It was taking actions that already seem ridiculous for Celestia to have taken and criticising her for them.I think the major problem I have with Celestia's actons and what makes her so out of character to me is her apparantly only having two options, if Nyx was normal she'd go back to Twilight Sparkle, and if she was Nightmare Moon reborn she'd be destroyed. The thing is there really wasn't any possibility that she wasn't Nightmare Moon reborn. There was a spell to resurrect Nightmare Moon and it made Nyx. Any magic you use to scan Nyx is probably going to detect her as being Nightmare Moon. So basically Celestia wasn't going to do anything but kill Nyx. No looking for other options. No containing Nyx and examining her, seeing if her most trusted student was right and Nyx wasn't evil no matter what she was made off.I can buy Celestia keeping Luna out of the loop for her own protection. That is, to me, a really neat way to portray a fundementally good Celestia doing something stupid and wrong with the best of intentions. I can buy Celestia not knowing about the cult in her court, she's an ancient lifeform that has had her court be safe for centuries, she might have become complacent and thought that her court would always be secure. I can't buy Celestia jumping to murder of a sentient, self willed lifeform as the best solution to protecting her people.
@Onej6I check the story far too regularly myself. I wish I had a stuffed pony…
@BugsydorOh gods, yes, Twilight plushie would be so good!Or Rainbow Dash, that would be about 20% cooler!I guess what I'm trying to is that I REALLY want some MLP:FiM plushies.
What's with all of these anons coming here to whine about Celestia's characterization in this fanfic? All of the rehashing of opinions and complaining about shows you don't like is getting kinda annoying.If you don't like the story, then don't read it. Few things are for everyone, and I can respect that. If you have a critique, please make sure that your point has not already been made three or more times in the comments before posting. Nopony likes overly redundant things. If you want to have a legitimate discussion on the merits and downfalls of this story, then get a name so that we can keep a coherent picture of what your opinion is and have a meaningful conversation. I would be glad have a rational discussion that could shed some insights on this piece, but that is hard to do when I can't put a mind to a name.That is my ultimatum, and I am sticking to it. This is also the last time that I will allow myself to knowingly be potential parasprite fodder.(No offense is intended to anons in general who just haven't gotten an account yet. You guys are alright.)
@theuncalledforYeah. As stated before, I am quite jelly of Nyx's life-size Twilight Sparkle plushie. Admittedly I would prefer a life-sized Fluttershy plushie who says yay~ when you squeeze her hoof, but this story makes me want to give Twi a giant hug more than I usually do. A Nyx plushie would be great as well.Confound these ponies, why hasn't Hasbro cashed in on the giant huggable plushie market yet?
In other news, this story now has more ratings than Fallout Equestria, and a bit over half as many comments. Grats!
@Dat fucking writefag@Christy "Dame Helen" McFarlandFair point, I have been pondering the same thing since I posted my comment. I suppose there are still quite a few chapters for her to grow as a character, but I am unsure what would be able to sway me from my opinion.And now, a musical–Cue Nightmare looking down upon a kneeling crowd.-Here lies everythingThe world I wanted at my feetMy victory’s completeSo hail to the Queen(Everything you ever…)Arise and sing-Cue Nightmare shooting a spiteful glare at a chained Twilight.-So your world’s benignSo you think kindness has a voiceAnd we all have a choiceWell now your world is mine(Everything you ever…)And I am fine-The mare snaps her head back, looking forward. Cue dramatic music, Nightmare begins marching through the crowd, toward her newly risen palace. At both sides, ponies are seen cowering in fear, the mane 5 averting their gaze sadly. As she moves through the interior, she gradually removes her armour piece by piece.-Now the Nightmare’s realNow Nightmare Moon is hereTo make you quake with fearTo make the whole world kneel(Everything you ever…)-Cue Nightmare sitting in front of her vanity table, a levitated cloth wiping away the eye shadow from one eye, then another. Her head low and her eyes clenched tightly shut.-And I won’t feel-Nyx's eyes open suddenly, the reflection of her own wicked, turquoise eyes is the only thing she can see. Her gaze shifts, staring intensely at the mare looking back. A single, tiny drop of tear forming in the corner of her eye, barely smidge of silver, forever lost in the sea of turquoise and black. Her voice has now lowered to an almost inaudible whisper.-A thing
@AnonymousWarning, this comment contains large amounts of spoilerifficness. Please refrain from reading any further if you have not read Past Sins at least to Chapter 10."I think the major problem I have with Celestia's actons and what makes her so out of character to me is her apparantly only having two options, if Nyx was normal she'd go back to Twilight Sparkle, and if she was Nightmare Moon reborn she'd be destroyed." Black and white morality is never good, always look at the grey before deciding."The thing is there really wasn't any possibility that she wasn't Nightmare Moon reborn. There was a spell to resurrect Nightmare Moon and it made Nyx. Any magic you use to scan Nyx is probably going to detect her as being Nightmare Moon. So basically Celestia wasn't going to do anything but kill Nyx. No looking for other options. No containing Nyx and examining her, seeing if her most trusted student was right and Nyx wasn't evil no matter what she was made off."And this is why Celestia is the most-direct cause of the third-coming of Nightmare Moon. The way Twilight was raising little Nyx, she might easily have become POSITIVE force, but noooo, Sun Goddess must be right, even if what she think clearly incorrect.Nyx WASN'T evil at all until Celestia took her. Nightmare Moon isn't a pony, she is a mental state.Q: Luna became Nightmare Moon. Why?A: Envy and Loneliness mounted and Luna only wanted somepony to say they loved her nights, or at least somepony to stay up and spend it with her even once in a while. Q: Why did Nyx go Nightmare?A: Now, the obvious answer is mind-control by the cult and whatever weird spell they used to finish the "resurrection". However, this is not the full answer. Nyx went partial Nightmare before, twice actually, but it never took and was never in any way, shape, or form a transformation underwent for malicious reasons. The first time, in the palace ruins, Little Nyx was caught off-guard and assailed by memories from Nightmare's last moments merged with Luna, her last moments conscious. Nyx had gone Mini-Nightmare because of the sudden influx of black magicks but she stabilized back to the normal sweet little girl Twilight cares for like her own. The second, she didn't even know it was happening, she was just playing a game of tug-of-war and the power-up spell she cast on herself had the transformation as a side-effect, but it was only physical, and nopony noticed.This third time, let's count Nyx's negative emotions.1) Celestia has just forcefully taken her from the one she considers "Mommy"2) "Mommy" did nothing to stop it at first, but when she came out ready to fight to the death for her "daughter", it was too late and little Nyx was already airborne, crying. Celestia didn't try explaining a version of the story that didn't include the words "death", "dispell", "erase", "undo", etc. Instead she KNOCKED THE POOR FILLY OUT COLD WITH MAGIC.4) She wakes up being told she's the one thing she didn't want to be: the demon-mare, Nightmare Moon. She acts the part, because she thinks it is expected of her, but it is truly tearing her apart inside. All she really is, is a pissed-off, little, one-year-old, if that, filly. She's always done what she thought was expected of her because she's scared people will hate her for it.Nightmare Moon isn't any pony, she is what happens to violently depressed Alicorns.
Good stories are permitted to have unlikable characters, I think its in the constitution somewhere… probably in the back.
@DanielI understand where you're coming from, and I wholeheartedly agree that inside, NMM/Nyx is just frightened and confused at the situation, but I wouldn't place all the blame straight on Celestia. The ones who should really be taking the rap for this are Spell Nexus and the Chidren of Nightmare, cause they're the ones who started this whole debacle. As another point of view on why Celestia did what she did, she simply did not get enough time to get to know Nyx like Twilight and the rest did. If you remember from Ch. 2, Spike was about ready to tell the Princess exactly what was going on, if Twilight hadn't trashed the letter he was about to send. However, as he got to know her better, he began to see himself as a brotherly figure to Nyx. Celestia, on the other hand, hadn't even spoken with Nyx until she took her, so she would have no idea what she was like. Celestia honestly thought she was doing what was best for Equestria, and shouldn't be seen as the villan because it went wrong. I still see Celstia as a kind and just ruler, but even 1000 year old monarchs make mistakes every once in a while. I think she felt true remorse for what she put Twilight and Nyx through, and is now going to do all she can to fix it…. Provided she can get out of the sun.This is still my favorite Fanfic ever, and I can't wait to see it concluded.
You know, a very small part of me actually WANTS Nyx to stay as NMM! IDK whai, but… ^^; Anyhoof, please keep up the AMAZING job! I find myself refreshing the page every five minutes in order to see if/when this gets updated! xD
The flaw in Celestia's logic is the same flaw that ruins Pascal's Wager, and is inherent in so many situations when anypony tries to condense the future into two opposing choices.Celestia's Wager basically stated that since the risk of Nightmare Moon was essentially infinite, that the risk of not doing anything was infinitely greater than the risk of killing her. However, since Nightmare Moon has the existential power to save Equestria too, or any outcome inbetween, one could say that the risk of killing her is also infinite. So really, its kind of foolish to hedge one's bets on that sort of thing.
This story is well written. I, for one, was held in its throes as soon as I read the first paragraph. Great job sir!
I like this story. Would be a nice good book too if it had a chance. I really,really hope for a happy ending and not a sad one where Nyx is going to disappear or something horrible like that. Heres to hoping for a happy ending!
You know, based on the most recent chapter, twilight at the gallows actually makes some sort of sense. It seems that NMM is having a hard living upto the name, she's unable to punish people, so it would make sense for her to try and desensitize herself to compassion and *attempt* to kill the one person she really cares about.
My guess is that, at the end, Nightmare Moon and Luna will merge back together, only this time she'll be emotionally stable.
@RubidiaNice.Doctor Horrible's "Everything You Ever" song is oddly… fitting for it.
@FuberrariEyup! The second half of the first stanza was the first thing that came to mind as I was reading the end of the most recent chapter.
@ BugsydorOne thing I disagree with you is the sentiment of 'if you don't like it, don't read it.'The problem is, they've already read it. Fanfiction isn't free – the reader has to pay to read it through the time he spends on it as opposed to doing other activities. In return for that payment of time and attention, the reader expects the author to keep them entertained. if they are not, it is their right to complain.But personally, I don't believe it's a terrible literary crime for someone to break character now and then. Celestia has more experience dealing with Nightmare Moon than any other character in the series. Celestia is a kind, benevolent and considerate ruler, but she is also the only one who knows the full, horrifying scale of what was at stake should Nightmare Moon return to her full power and fury.However, the viewpoint characters of the story have 90% of the time been Twilight and Nyx, thus our sympathy as an audience lies with them. From their point of view, and ours, Celestia's actions are despicable. As for Celestia not considering Nyx possessing a soul of her own – remember, the cultists themselves are convinced Nyx is NMM reborn. Celestia's researchers had several cultists hidden in their number, so any data that gets back to Celestia would have inevitably been biased towards the worst case scenario.
I don't have any problem with the author writing Celestia as a monster, plenty of fanfics portray her that way, but I cannot accept the argument that the actions of her character were anything other than terribly immoral. Punishment for what someone might do in the future is the hallmark of a ruthless dictator if ever there was one, all the more hypocritical due to the fact that Celestia is an existential risk herself, but clearly leaves judgement open for intent.
Celestia is acting like an idiot. That's what total misinformation and primal fear does to you.
@VarGood point about the time investment thing. I say a lot of stupid stuff sometimes, particularly if I am on the internet.I am trying to figure out what is the limit to what one should do about a work that one doesn't like, but I guess that is a bit subjective.Anyhow, back to the tropes page (which mysteriously is the top google result for Nyx past sins). I've searched some of the indexes you pointed me at, and added some tropes from those. Do you think that Action Mom can be applied to Twilight Sparkle? Also, should we keep discussing the page here, or should we confine it to the tropes discussion page itself?
I think most of the anon's who are posting who are anti-Celestia making terrible decisions is one dude, who is me. I'm not trying to spam the comments making it seem like there are more then one person saying these things, sorry.Also, I don't hate the story, Celestia being OOC isn't story ruining but it is something that I see as a flaw in a story that I really like. The way the story is going I think the authorial intent is for you to have one of two reactions to what Celestia has done: 1. You think that she's doing something terrible, but for good reasons. She's a ruler making hard choices for the good of her nation, and she just doesn't know that Nyx could be good if she wasn't treated like an enemy first. Celestia makes a tragic mistake. 2. You are aghast at Celestia's actions and though you know that she has her reasons for what she is doing they can't justify what she's done. She's in the wrong and she's either too arrogant or too blind to see that she's acting monstrously.Me, I take the third option. This is a poorly written Celestia. Or, not necessarily poorly written as used as a plot device rather then a character to get the plot to where it needed to go. This isn't just butthurt-ery. Twilight Sparkle is another character I like and I can totally buy her freezing up and letting her daughter be dragged away, it's just Celestia being the one doing the dragging that I find impossible to believe.
One problem with the new nyx as nightmare moon pic. it stated in the story that nightmare nyx moon didnt have a cutie mark.
@AnonymousWell, that was an odd situation. I had actually considered treating all of the anons posting that as one person as a personal joke. Would be nice if you had a name we could call you to keep from confusing you with the rest of the crowd, but you can stay anonymous as long as you like. Then again, you could just be another person entirely trying to trick us into thinking the anons were all one guy…Nah, that's probably just me being paranoid. Paranoia is one of the suckiest survival skills to have.
The only real problem I have is how Celestia and Luna are used in the storyCelestia seems to be just here to push Nyx to thinking she's evil, what with the whole "you're just a monster I'm gonna kill you now"Luna who you would think would have a big role is just here to yell at Celestia form being a dumbass and once that was done is removed off screen, in almost of an after though really. And I have a nagging feeling that's all we will see of her for the rest of the story.
@AnonymousYou mean Luna-roo's pic?That's from the play, Cheerilee painted it on.
I think it's been about 24 hours since part 13 went up.I NEED 14! IN MY VEINS!
@Anonymous 5:25Not to beat a dead horse (hm…), but I want to toss my two cents in to this discussion about Celestia.I firmly disagree with your contention that Celestia is out of character in the story. In my opinion, her actions are fully consistent with the wise and caring ruler, the reasonable authority figure that she is characterized as in the show.Let's look at this from her point of view, shall we? ———————————————————You have recently become aware that the physical incarnation of a being of pure jealousy, rage and darkness has been unleashed into your kingdom. This is the same being that seized the mind of your beloved sister and through her essentially attempted to destroy the world and enslave all ponykind on a vicious whim. This being separated you from your beloved sister, the person you were closest to, for 1000 years.You have been engaged in a desperate search for this deadly foe. Your most trusted advisers, the most talented magical researchers in the kingdom, reviewing ancient magicks of dark and terrible power, magicks you had personally sealed away, hoping they could be forgotten forever, are telling you that the dark ritual you uncovered and thwarted, while incomplete, could have given form to this being of darkness and hate, simply without her full powers. You, in fact, know this to be true – you SENSED it, felt the chilling dark power surge. This being could now be biding its time, growing in power, preparing to destroy everything you love – to imprison your beloved subjects, the multitudes of ponies you have sworn a solemn oath to safeguard and protect, into slavery and darkness for all eternity. The days are coming, you feel certain, when the living will envy the dead, unless you use all your power and strength to thwart this awful future.To make matters worse, you know that some of the dark cultists who created this vile creature of the night, using forbidden and terrible magicks you yourself do not entirely understand, are still at large. They are no doubt hunting for this Nightmare, just as you are. If they should find it before you do, there is no telling what disaster may unfold.Now, you find suddenly that this Nightmare reborn is living with, may well be menacing your most beloved pupil, who is one of the most powerful magicians in the kingdom – the very pony who forms the keystone of the only weapon that has ever proven effective against this cosmic force of evil. This seems much too convenient to be coincidence. You recall the little black filly your student tried to pass off as a cousin; she certainly seemed harmless enough. But you know your foe too well. Darkness and subterfuge come naturally to her – she could be binding her time until her power was restored, while keeping a close watch on the unsuspecting Bearers of the Elements. Your student Twilight is good-hearted and kind, but has very little experience in dealing with other ponies; she would be easy to fool, particularly by a shape-shifting master of trickery. And your mind strays briefly to the terrible powers of mind control and suggestion that Nightmare's magic possesses – but no, you could never think that of your student. Still, try to banish the thought as you might, it speeds you on your way.You arrive to speak to your student, you try to make her see reason. There is a strong possibility that the little pony living with her is a Destroyer of Worlds, and being of pure negative emotion enrobed in flesh by an evil ritual. But your usually eminently sensible and unswervingly loyal student refuses to be reasonable. She rebuffs you, she yells and cries out against you, against your efforts to uphold your sworn duty to protect the vast numbers of lives that depend on you. You have never seen her like this before. Has the presence of so great an evil begun to warp her mind?Continued below…
… Continued:But no, you can see in her eyes that she is genuine. She truly, in her heart, believes the little filly is not Nightmare. And you can see something else there, something you were not expecting, could not have planned for. Is that… love?You freeze up for a moment. This was not something you had planned for. Twilight loves the little filly as a daughter. Your mind reels; you feel sick to your ancient stomach. A thousand years and more of life have not prepared you for such a singular situation. Could she be… right?But no. Twilight does not know the Enemy as you do. Nightmare has many tricks. You think back a thousand years to the many ways you were caught off-guard during the Great Emergency. If you had not kept your wits about you, if you had given in to doubt, the Banishment may yet have occurred, but it would have been of yourself instead.You must be firm; the whole future of the Kingdom, of ponykind, depends on this threat being contained. If this creature truly is Nightmare, born again of dark magic, that unnatural act must be reversed; she must be disspelled as the abomination she is. But your heart is breaking – for you can see that the heart of one you love so well is being torn apart by your words, by the actions you must take.She wants to come with you – no, you could not bear it. To see her eyes, if Nexus' spell revealed that the little one truly was Nightmare, had truly been fooling – or controlling – your student all this time. For her to see the dissolution magic that must perforce follow. No, it would be too cruel. For both your sakes, she must remain here.Twilight relents. Well, not truly – more accurately, she simply shuts down. Your own heart feels like it has been stabbed through with a dagger, seeing her like this. The burden of Duty lies heavy, so heavy upon your shoulders. At this moment, it feels like it will crush you. But you think of all the other little fillies in the kingdom; you think of all the other faithful students. They deserve a future, they deserve to see the light. This thought is all that keeps you on your feet.You assure Twilight that, if she is indeed correct, if the filly truly is no threat, no creature of darkness and hate – if there is even any doubt – she will be safe. She will be returned to her, legally her daughter forever onward. They will never be separated again. The words bring her no comfort, you can tell.You instantly desire to be anyplace else in the world. You order your guards to gather up the filly – Nightmare? Just a child? Twilight's daughter …?You fly off with her, as quickly as you can, wanting the ordeal to end. So quickly, you do not see your student bolt from her home moments later. So quickly, you cannot hear her anguished screams.———————————————–Sorry this is so long, it kind of grew as I was typing it. But anyway, this seems to me to be something akin to how Celestia reasoned to herself in the story, how she arrived at her actions. And to me, anyway, this seems entirely in keeping with her character. I know that, in her place, I would certainly have done the same.
@NotepersonThanks for posting the essay I had wanted to write. That sums up my view of the situation pretty well.
@Noteperson (again)Also, I suck at giving complements sometimes.The essay was quite well thought out, and I feel that it captures the essence of what we supporters of the writing of Celestia here are trying to say.For that, and for having the guts to pull it off, I hereby award you two internets.
@BugsydorSECONDED!
Why does the main picture show Twilight hanging at evening? Nyx (Yes I still call her that)doesn't want anypony hung, She wishes night eternal, and She demanded Twilight Sparkle received no harm, so why does all three actions get defied in the main image? (If your reading comments before seeing the story, then your a dumbhoof)
@Batty- Yes, he is a credit. This honestly might be the best fanfic on the site. I think it is, most certainly, but I deliberately avoided the Alan Wake one due to unfamiliarity with the series. So take that with what grains of salt you feel that warrants.
@ULTRAMARIOXand everything has happened in the picture, except for the CMC's imprisonment, and the Twilight hanging in daylight. the more you know
@NotepersonCelestia is acting like a real hydra in Past Sins "Hmm my Student is taking care of one of the most powerful alicorns ever, let me kill it." Instead of "Let me help her become benevolent and kind, so she won't truly become Nightmare Moon." So I'm sure this is not Trollestia or Molestia or Incestia, this is Assholestia.
@ULTRAMARIOX (again)the crowd in the hanging picture seems huge and I think thats an ocean in the background and your right about the stuff happening in the story is in the picture
@ULTRAMARIOXYour name…it keeps shifting. Would you mind explaining why?
since the order of the story follows the picture chronologically (aparently) it would appear that the scene with twilight being hanged will be the final part of the story.Nyx/NMM may not want to hang her, but she also (upto this point) stil sees herself as nightmare moon. So it would make sense that she comes to the conlcusion that she needs to get rid of twilight (the pony she cares the most about) in order to abandon her life as nyx, and truly become NMM.
ALL OF MY MONEY FOR THIS STORY TO BE TURNED INTO THE WHOLE SEASON 3!!!
@AnonymousIf there is anyone trying to get Twilight hanged, it's Spell Nexus.
@BugsydorBecause I get bored and ponies like to complain about double-posting, so I decided to change it up a bit, for fun (the pinkie made me do it)@Killerowl probably, and Nyx then stops him from hanging whats supposed to be her worst enemy, and proves she isn't truly NMM and possibly releases Luna afterwards? (and probably Celestia, but this story made me like her less)
@ULTRAMARIOXWell i gotta go for a little bit, deadlines for my unpublished stories and whatnot, adios comrades
Good Lord, so many reviews on this one. Seems as if this fic has really caught the attention of the brony community. I can see why though. Really well done story. I usually wait until a story is finished before I throw a review out there, but I'll make an exception for this one.Overall, this is probably one of the strongest fics I have read. It's able to throw OC (or semi-OC) ponies out into the story and make us care for their well-being. Sure, some may argue that Nyx isn't really OC, but she isn't canonical, and the character design is original, so I count her as OC. Usually, when placed next to the mane cast, OC ponies seem rather lackluster. It's not so with Nyx here. We have a character that is struggling, and we sympathize with her first when she has no memory, then when she gets memory flashes, and even after she is reborn as NMM and has emotions reminiscent of her filly form. I read a review earlier that said Nyx was a 2D character. I say that is most certainly not the case. This is a point that I just found impressive, but is not really something I can found a positive review on. I was actually blown away by how Pen Stroke incorporated so many of the background ponies into the story. Usually you see 1-3 thrown in there as a nod to the fandom (Derpy, Doctor Whooves, Lyra, etc). This one incorporates so many into the story structure. It's really an awesome feat. Plotwise, this story only gets stronger. There has been a constant feeling of suspense since the very first chapter. I keep on thinking to myself "how could Pen Stroke leave me hanging like this?!?!" whenever I finish the released chapters. The actions taken by the characters all seem to be within character. Even Celestia, who some people keep thinking is horribly out of character, is perfectly believable. She falls within the character bounds of the just, conflicted ruler. Yes, what she did was harsh, some would say ill-advised, but would a responsible ruler really do anything different? None of us seem to have a problem with the character molds of Trollestia or tyrant Celestia.Last off, there's the emotion that this story draws out of the reader (me in this case). Some of the stuff in here is absolutely fantastic. The scene point where Twilight performs the "rage-shift" and the point where she tries to get Nyx back from Celestia are incredibly moving. I felt that little tug at my heartstrings. It was just very moving.I read a couple of comments that have to do with the originality of the story, mainly that it is not an original concept. It's not purely original, but I have never seen it applied to the ponyverse, so it might as well be. Plus, one must consider how well the story is written. I can forgive any retelling of an old plot if it is told well. Anyway, in summary, I actually believe that this story deserves its 6-star rating. It's some of the highest quality fanfiction that I've ever seen. The custom art was cool, but I must say that the story deserved a 6-star rating even without it.To Pen Stroke: You're amazing. Please write more.
Future predition: Nexus is the one who tries to hang Twilight. I REALLY can't see NMM!Nyx ordering the death of Twilight. What I can see as perfectly in character is Nexus deciding that Twilight is weakening his Great and Terrible Master, and for Nightmare Moon's (may she reign forever) own good, the distraction must be removed. I'm sensing that it's the same path that will lead to the Crusaders being imprisoned.
I really would have liked to see Luna's confrontation with Nightmare moon on-screen. I don't like that she was tossed aside off-screen after nly a very brief appearance.
God what is with all these novel size stories lately? Too many being posted lately.
If the next three chapters are posted on the same schedule as the others, then suppose I can expect to be up until 3 a.m. tomorrow night…….After which I will have to go to work. Confound these ponies, they drive me to work under sleep deprivation!
OK, first, I absolutely love this story, and an IMMENSELY looking forward to the next chapter. The quality is easily at or better than Dangerous Business and Fallout: Equestria.That said, it makes me a sad pony that you didn't even include the scene where Luna was imprisoned by Nightmare Moon. I mean, you sent her gallivanting off after her own inner, personal demon and she only gets a brief MENTION when she's defeated and removed from the story.Still waiting with baited breath.Peace, Sonar009
@ NotepersonA wise man once said "It is the province of knowledge to speak, and it is the privilege of wisdom to listen." Where was the wise Celestia when Twilight tried to tell her the truth? She wouldn't hear a word of it, even though she certainly didn't know what was going on herself.This wasn't some kill or be killed situation, she wasn't in immediate danger, she still had time to look for an alternative but she didn't even try. It was reactionary, it was arrogant, it was impatient, it was draconian.This was no Carneades Plank. They weren't drowning in the water with only one life preserver between the two. It would have been like throwing your neighbor overboard because there was an iceberg up ahead and you didn't want to chance it."Some say to be courageous is to be fearless. But to be fearless is to be a fool. Fear is a teacher, an advisor. To ignore its warnings is foolhardy. Courage, true courage comes from not letting your fears control you. Valor is knowing you fears were right, and doing the right thing anyway."Celestia was a coward, and in the end, she was shown more mercy from her foe than she herself was willing to give.Perhaps Celestia was a victim of her own success. I am sometimes reminded that being too good at something can lead to believing you can do the impossible one more time than you actually can. Whatever the case, whatever intentions she lined her path with, her actions were reprehensible.
Prediction: Twilight's gonna get hanged by Nexus, who tries to do it in secret to make NMM whatever the hell he wants her to be, only to be stopped by Nyx. =D
Pro-Celestia anon here. I thought your essay was really well done, Noteperson. But still, I don't buy it. Icekatze brings up a good point, even if Nyx was truly Nightmare Moon in mind and only acting the part of Nyx to manipulate Twilight the danger such a small filly would present to Equestria wasn't great enough for the actions Celestia took to make sense. At least there was time to truly examine her.I just think that the forgiveness that Celestia showed to Luna wasn't just due to their family connection, but was something intrinsic to Celestia's nature. I can see Celestia be distrustful of Nyx, perhaps even hateful, but I also see her as believing it possible that even the shade that possessed her sister could be changed by love and friendship. Obviously even the Celestia in this story has similar feelings because she offered Nyx turned Nightmare Moon one final chance to turn from her dark path before their battle. The thing that's wrong with this Celestia is that she didn't make that offer when Nyx was still Nyx and not recharged to the height of her power as Nightmare Moon. If Nyx was just a monster that Celestia could justify killing she deserved no such offer.
I personally think there will be a final confrontation with Nexus where he'll try to 'dispell' Nyx in much the same way Celestia tried it.After all, Nyx got rid of Luna and Celestia for him… if she doesn't act like the Terrible Queen he wants now, he'll just dispose of her too.Anyway, whatever they come up with, I look forward to it 🙂
Why did I have to read all the chapters at once? Why could I not have just read them 2 at a time? How the hell am I suppose to wait for the next chapter now. 😦
@MaartenI don't see that as a likely outcome, on account of his and the cult's being mind-controlled via Essence of Nightmare Moon. I am fairly sure that there will be some kind of major confrontation between them at some point, though.
Whatever happens, I'm hoping Nexus gets his comeuppance. Motherfucker's got it coming.
@Bugsydor Hm, valid point… though he might just have lied about that, and done the eye colour thing himself. The whole 'making laws' part sure seems like he's taking control behind the scene, and he's certainly been acting like the big puppet master in my opinion.(changed my name btw, but it doesn't seem to affect past posts)
@NyergudsWell, I am not really sure what version of Nightmare Moon's origins we are going with in this case. According to Faust herself, though, Nightmare Moon was caused/created by an outside force of some sort (maybe some form of symbiont or evil magical entity). My best (if slightly mad) guess is that the above eldritch abomination that fed on Luna's jealousy and anger is the real one running the show at the moment. I am not quite sure what its motivations would be for bringing back Nightmare Moon (maybe because that had been its strongest host?), but this interpretation kinda makes sense to me as it would help to explain The Corruption's power over the cult.Then again, I might just be rambling incoherently.
I don't know what's going on but I will agree with one of the posters about Trixie and her cowardice.1) she did stand up to the Ursa minor knowing she couldn't do it herself, even when she could of easily ran away.2) She even stayed and tried to warn Twilight it was too strong again staying in the heat of danger until it was all over and done with.3) She only RAN because she was SHOWNUP by Twilight Sparkle and she had too much pride to simply admit she was all bark and no bite.Something she felt embarrassed more so btw when she learned that 'Major' was a Ursa Minor.(Nothing concrete as to WHEN she felt her ego bruised by Twilight but around that moment is my guess after everything died down, she ran to avoid any criticism.)I have to say I understand their desperation on going to Trixie for help but character wise I felt (not basing it on any fanon mind you) she was probably portrayed too cowardly.Aside from that Bugsydor I love your story and I really can't wait to see how it all turns out.To everyone else complaining please remember we all have different levels of skills, commitment, and passion if any for our works so try not to tell someone who can and cannot hire an artist to liven up their hard worked story on. Shame on you so called fans for implying such things as show boating =(This is one of the most well written pieces since The Ballad of Twilight Sparkle! which if I could I'd love to have both artistic and writting skills to share with everyone to give faces to a story filled with OC's and such. I wonder if that person is still working on the story or forgot about it? ;-;Anyways Love your story Bugsy!/love Cátsy
Absolutely loved it.I'm surprised with all this reception that nopony has offered their time to edit this. The magnitude of little grammatical oversights in the story make it hard for me to recommend it to my friends who are skeptical of fan fiction.
@AnonymousExcuse me good sir, but this here ain't my story. I am quite flattered, though. I love it just as much as the next guy (well, probably a bit more than the next normal guy), but the writers of this are Pen Stroke and Batty Gloom. They also wrote the masterpiece Better Living Through Science and Ponies, a crossover with the portal universe.The only things that I have done to help with this are setting up the tropes page for this excellent work, and posting copiously in the comments. Although I probably have put the most work into the tropes page of anypony so far, I've been working alongside others such as Var to collect tropes and clean up the page. I actually have yet to write any fanfic or draw a single pony, although I would love to start contributing meaningfully to the fandom soon.Maybe this is a sign that I post too much…nah! Ima keep posting as much as I feel like. Being mistaken for somepony awesome isn't all that bad, unless said mistake maker expects me to do something amazing or take credit where it isn't due.Regarding the rest of your post: I can understand your analysis of Trixie's character, but I feel that your first point could well be attributed to her sense of pride. She can't go around letting people think that she is a coward or a talentless hack, after all. I might not remember the exact events at the end of Chapter 13, but I don't remember Trixie's being portrayed as cowardly. I think that she took Twi's tiara of magic willingly so that she could try to do her perceived duty as the only pony available for the job of vanquishing Nightmare Moon, and that is pretty brave. Sure she choked a bit under pressure, but can you really blame her? She doesn't exactly deal with anything nastier than a heckler on a day-to-day basis, and most definitely hasn't stared down the barrel of a loaded Nightmare Moon before.Anyhow, thanks for the misdirected love. I'm passing most of it on to Pen Stroke and Batty Gloom, if it's all the same to you.
@BugsydorAw crap. Accidentally called the Anon "Sir" instead of "Madam" or someodd. Sorry for the confusion on your gender, Catsy. (Sorry I can't spell you, either. That would be my keyboard's fault. Also, sorry if I accidentally called you a girl if you are indeed male. The internet can be a confusing place, especially to an ignorant American who doesn't know squat about most foreign naming customs.)
Is it me or did everything Luna said to Tia underminded by the fact that she really has no point to this story? She hasn't done anything other than be the other princess and the reason why Nightmare Moon was made. I mean with some minor edits (and I do mean minor) Luna's What of Hell Hero could have been Twilight's hell it could have been even more effected as Celestia is a somewhat mother figuer to Twilight (the whole "you're not my mother" bit at the end) it would fit better into the flow of the story. Really it just comes down to it that the only reason why Luna is even here is that a story about Nightmare Moon without Luna would be weird.
On Tropes,I would say Nyx being foretold to be Nightmare Moon to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. She is only acting as Nightmare Moon because she's been told she is the evil goddess.
@AnonymousThe main problem that I see with Twilight being the one to chew Celestia out is that Twi was too distraught at the time that such a speech would be relevant by the whole business of her daughter being ripped from her arms and transformed into a fully grown Nightmare Moon that then chastised Twi for abandoning her, something that Twi had been beating herself up over for hours on end already. In other words, Twilight was out of order at the time, and I think that her spirit was too broken to confront her goddess and mentor at the time. Heck, she probably felt that she was unworthy to do so.
Having read this story (multiple times no less) I can honestly say that this is the BEST story I've ever read. It may not be perfect, but it is so extraordinary to me that I am perfectly willing to overlook those faults.I will say this to both authors here and now, you two have inspired me. I do not claim that I am as good as you, nor that I will ever live up to the standards that you've set for a story within me, but you are well and truly an inspiration to me and I love you both for writing it.It may have been an overly sappy thing to say and will probably be taken the wrong way as this is STILL the internet, but I mean every word I've typed here. Thank you, thank you both so much.
@CameronWell, add it to the trope page then! Don't worry if you can't word it properly or if the example doesn't quite fit; somepony else will fix it up if it needs fixing. Anyhow, thanks for bringing it up.
@NotepersonOkay, I'm going to disagree with this, but let me explain WHY.Or rather, let me explan WHAT EXACTLY I disagree with.But first, I'll explain what I DO agree with, here.I agree that, if your assumptions about NMM are correct, Celestia acted MOSTLY correctly. She still should have made sure that she understands the spells that made Nyx and the spell that was supposed to determine whether or not she is NMM completely, which she DIDN'T. Even if she trusted Nexus like she trusted Twilight, she should have made sure that there was no accidental mistake made, that there was really NO DOUBT WHATSOEVER that this filly was really the horrible being of pure negativity that she thought it was. She did not do that.The way she acted while taking Nyx away is still wrong, but both in character and excusable if I assume the same things about NMM that you did.BUT, I strongly disagree with your assumptions about NMM. She was never that horrible being of pure evil to begin with. She was a villain, a threat, and she would have done horrible things (like making executions possible), but not horrible enough to make the living envy the dead. NMM was still partly Luna. Her goal was always to make ponies admire her beautiful night, not sleep through it. That's why she wanted eternal night, so there was no day to distract everypony from her night. Removing this from her would make her no longer NMM.I'm guessing you probably read The Night That Never Ended? (If you haven't, you should be careful, it's extremely, heartbreakingly sad. And it's not complete yet, so it may end BADLY. All caps mandatory. But other than that, it's really good. Easily deserves its high rating.) This NMM was never that bad, or at least I don't think so.I'm thinking more along the lines of Dark Equestria. Not so bad once you get used to it, but still MUCH worse than Equestria has any right to be, mainly because it's supposed to be a freaking paradise compared to our world.This is why I think Celestia is acting out of character, because she knows that NMM the biggest threat to Equestria in existence, but still not nearly as bad as you painted her, and not a being of pure jealousy and hate that has no redeeming qualities whatsoever.
@Saint_AbsolI don't think you need to worry about sounding too sappy. I have definitely posted more melodramatic, grandiose, and hamtastic things in these comments, particularly when I gush about how awesome this fic is written.By the way, in case I forgot to mention, this work is the greatest (or at least most powerfully written) fiction that I have ever read, fan generated or not. I've read some bittersweet stuff, but I had never shed tears for a character before, and neither had a book caused me to BSOD in the past. Keep it up!@Pen Stroke and Batty Gloom: Maybe one of you could post a bit more in the comments about something or other before somepony else mistakes me for the author again and tries to propose or send me a cake. That would be pretty awkward…
@Bugsydor It probably doesn't help your case that your avatar is Nyx in a sock. Also, thank you for the encouragement but be warned that I'll probably be gushing just as badly- if not worse- at future chapters.Also, you seem to have more moral fortitude than I; if someone offered me a cake, I'd gladly accept.
@AnonymousSo basically, you're saying that you get too much free entertainment THAT NOPONY IS FORCING YOU TO TRY AND ENJOY?Seriously, poeple complaining about getting crap for free I can kind of understand, because even though you get it for free it's still crap. What are you supposed to do with that? It's worthless crap and you don't want it, it being for free doesn't change that.But YOU, YOU are complaining about getting stuff for free, stuff that isn't crap. You are complaining that you get the opportunity to read novel sized fan stories, many of which are beautifully written and very entertaining. And then you comment on one of these stories, complaining about too much free, entertaining content.The HECK is wrong with you?
@EvenMotionI thought the same exact thing!
….I was up at 12(am) when I found this, and told myself its not worth staying up. This story turned out to be amazing! I just wish MLP wasn't a *cough* "kids show", or I would have taken this, and sent it to the people right away.The writing is absolutely astonishing, almost like it's the real thing. Nyx sounds so cute as a filly, almost wish she could turn back and start over. Cant wait for chapter 14!
@theuncalledforNMM motives were commented on Lauren Faust's DeviantArt.The commenter pointed out that if NMM caused the night to last forever then it would ultimately lead to everyone dying. Photosynthesis and all that.Faust said that NMM was aware of this. So I would say that she is pretty evil
@KillerowlOkay.I'm not denying that I might be wrong.Can you give me a link so I can look for loopholes, to see if my interpretation might still be somewhat plausible?
@theuncalledforI can't seem to find the actual statement. x_xI remember someone linking it on a forum a while back, but I'm no longer in possession of that link.And since I can't confirm what I said without it, lets just treat it as a rumor until I can somehow find the actual comment from Faust.Your argument is still valid.I should probably have tried to find the comment before replying to your post, silly me.So brb, going to dig through a lot of comments on DA!
@KillerowlOh my, you're actually going to dig through a metric fuckton of comments on DA for this?That's dedication. I'm impressed.Thumbs up for you!
@theuncalledforIt's actually kind of fun, I'm learning a lot of trivia about the pony universe. I've read some of it before, but some of it is new!This is awesome!
Need.More.Updates!
@AnonymousI don't think Trixie was cowardly in this story. She voluntarily came along to help the other Elements of Harmony face Nightmare Moon, a being that had just bested both Princess Luna and Princess Celestia and who now had complete control of pony civilization. She did this knowing that she probably wouldn't succeed – she kept telling the other ponies that their plan sucked, they just wouldn't listen to her.It was only when the attempt fizzled and there really wasn't any hope left that she cut and run. I see no shame in that.
@KillerowlHmm, in that case I may have to read some DA comments as well.
@BryanYou're illustrating a point that I already made in an earlier comment.Seriously, is nopony reading the older comments?I'm not saying anything against YOU, btw. You're reminding poeple of my arguments, whether you know it or not, there's no shame in that, either.
I like to say i am anon no longer! This is awesome story! and im really rooting for a happy ending! Also take your time on writing this, its no hurry. I think we all can be patient.
@theuncalledforAt last! I found it!But it was not as I remembered:http://comments.deviantart.com/4/1603670/1716302422I remember there being a discussion sorrounding this comment and it probably warped my mind to remember it as: "NMM is killing everyone for the hell of it!"Maybe Luna/NMM's mind had been twisted so much that she oversaw these "minor" flaws in her plan? Also, the flower line cracked me up. I'll get back to reading comments on DA, this is gold!
@theuncalledforThere's well over a thousand comments, many of them quite lengthy. Wouldn't be surprised if there's more comment than story. So no, I haven't read all of the old comments (or at least I certainly don't remember them all. 🙂 I don't think it's reasonable to expect it at this point, so duplication like this is inevitable.
@Bugsydor True, still doesn't change that Luna's involement seems more like an afterthough. I mean she didn't even notic the whole power surge Nyx did in Everfree. It isn't that hard to see Luna knew Nyx was Nightmare and doesn't care the whole second chance and what no. But no she was out of the loop the whole time.Luna isn't even a character her sole reason for being here was to remind you were Nyx came form, and yell at Celestia in order to make her easier to Nightmare to take out. Which makes luna's speech about how piss she is about how she's suppost to be equal to Celestia kinda dumb as here she clearly isn't. She's just 'that other one' thoughout the whole story.
…anyone else worried that we haven't heard Paragraph nor Sentence from Gloom or Stroke since they mentioned fearing the need for a rewrite to appease the vocal minority over on another site?Also, LJ is being a jerk and won't validate my ID. Curse these Ident Validation methods, I'm starting to feel like a glass of water!–Starcat5
Inb4 big plot twist with Luna/NMM shipping to give Luna a major role.
@KillerowlIt doesn't say that Nightmare was aware of this… 0.óIt certainly doesn't make sense for her to just kill all the plants on purpose, so maybe she had something planned?I REALLY don't think Nightmare Moon from either the actual show or from this fanfic would be as horrible as the one from The Night That Never Ended. Unless I'm presented with actual evidence to the contrary, of course. I'm a scientific mind, I'm all about evidence.I can't see many comments on the page you linked, and I'm not very familiar with DA, can you tell me where you found this?
@BryanYou are right, of course.I should have been aware of that.
6 Stars? Really? I mean, it's GOOD, but not 6 stars good. I've only read the first ten chapters, but from what I can tell, a good number of the characters are acting OOC and they keep doing things that go against logic/reason for the purpose of continuing the story, and several scenes just seem so forced, such as the school play… I dunno, I just think that the story could have been handled much better.
@theuncalledforWe weren't given any evidence that indicated that she had one either. :/Getting a conclusive answer out of the little information we were given sorrounding NMM's motives and action in the show is almost impossible. She could have been insane to a point where she was oblivious to the consequences of her actions. Or maybe she had it all planned out and she knew of a way to keep everything alive.Lauren Faust (and I know this because I read it while digging through DA!), and the staff, worked with the idea that Luna was taken over by external magic. This external force/magic, symbiote if you'd prefer that, may have been an entity of pure evil and just wanted Luna's power to destroy everything. Using Luna's negative emotions to fuel itself, and at the same time filling Luna with thoughts and promises that if they worked together, all ponies would enjoy her night.While still just using her to its own desires.I also find the interpretation in TNTNE interesting. But I won't start talking about her in that story until it's finished. It's still too much that needs to be answered before I feel like going into her motives and character.
Damn, that was a good read so far. I wish I didn't read all that in one sitting; now I have to wait on the edge of my seat for Chapter 14 to post.
Agreed. The opinions are clearly layed out. The theories are stacked and ready. All we can do now is wait…
Solid story. Nyx is built up as a character well and integrated with the mane cast. The mane cast retains their strong character (with occassional slipups – all bursting out crying at the thought of dying?). The pleasant scenes with Nyx as a filly are simple, but delightful.Luna getting the idiot ball and flying off on her own didn't jive with me. But I'm assuming we're going to hear more on that, precisely because it explicitly wasn't covered.Worth the read. Thanks for the work.
@theuncalledforI used google to search her profile on DA.Go to google and type this:site:deviantart.com Fyre-flye commentAll the "Comment on fyre-flye's profile* links show several comments that Fyre-Flye, Lauren Faust, have answered. Took some time before I found the relevant one.I also know how ponies reproduce, and got some indications to where the different locations are relative to Ponyville.It was an interesting adventure.
@KillerowlYes, you're right.There is no real evidence regarding the motives of NMM in the actual show, same goes for this fanfic.I am GUESSING.It just doesn't seem right to me to assume the worst about her.And I know about the outside influence that corrupted Luna. I DID read the tropes page for MLP:FiM, plus most of the other MLP:FiM stuff on TvTropes (like WMG, Just Bugs Me etc.).But NMM was still mostly Luna, as far as I can tell.I'm still waiting for actual evidence… I am SO looking forward to season two.
@theuncalledforI wasn't trying to say that you were in the wrong for quessing. We all love guessing games! Don't we Pinkie Pie?And the trope page, I have lost many hours to it. Troping is awesome.I also hope that the Luna centered episode will do something to explain NMM.Season 2 Y U NO AIR SOONER?
@Anonymoustrue, but look at her cutimark again. Doesn't it look painted on to you?
@Anonymous Your making this sound like everyone is so out of character to a point where it's a crime. So far the general consensus is that everyone has been in character save Twilight*a little bit* and Celestia her scene in chapter 10 but I don't think it's anything to cry wolf about it. Granted somethings could stand a little tweaking but I think it's a solid fic. I'm not bashing you for not liking the fic it's just that you're making it sound as though everyone is OOC.
@KillerowlHOKEY SMOKES!
@theuncalledforBLACK SNOOTY, BLACK SNOOTY!
@Bugsydor The dude from the store was looking at me quite strange as i bought it. something tells me he didn't buy the, 'it's for my sister' story.
Well, I hope you are happy now. You and your stupid fic have ruined my fan fic reading experience. Because of you every other fic that I now read just seems empty and dull. Way to go jerk. That being said I thought this was amazing and every ounce of it was worth it's 6-star rating. I look forward to your next update, but please, make it soon. I'm not sure how much longer I can take reading these inferior fics.
@AnonymousYou didn't read my comment very well, did you? I called the fic good. I LIKE this fic! I was literally quite emotionally torn at the end of chapter 10, and it is very rare that a fanfiction can make me feel like this. If I didn't like this fic, I'd have nothing to say about it, but since I do like it, I do have something to say about it. And those things are…1. The out-of-character-ness.2. Several of the "Nyx starts to act/look like NMM" scenes feel incredibly forced and could have been handled better.3. Many, many grammar errors.4. The brain freeze via orange juice scene took away any credibility that Nexus had as a competent villain.5. References to the show feel forced.And yet, in spite of all this, I LOVE the story! But just because I love it doesn't mean I can't have problems with it, or that I will turn a blind eye to those problems. I have the guts to say that something I like isn't perfect. And I'm sure plenty of others feel the same way, but just aren't saying anything.And I am not pointing these problems out to attack the fic or its authors. Just the opposite, I am hoping that the authors will take criticism to heart and try their best to fix it.
@Noteperson I bet cheerily would give you a A+ for your essay.i clop my hooves together
@Anonymous1. The what-now?2. Hmmmmmm, Nope. I can't agree.3. Please fix this!4. So villains aren't allowed to get brain freezes?5. Hey! I loved those!Sorry, you made such a nice list. Just had to reply 😀
@KillerowlI'm sorry? Do you have a problem with the fact that I do not blindly accept this as being a perfect story? I can appreciate show refs as much as the next brony, but it got to a point where there were too many. And with all the Nyx-looking-like-NMM moments I find it very hard to believe that nobody put it together sooner. And Celestia should have figured it out… almost right away. They didn't get anything from the ponies they captured? Absolutely NO clues? And you can't tell me that, in-show, neither Spike or Rarity would alert SOMEBODY to the fact that Nightmare Moon is possibly back.And the brain freeze? Are you serious? He might have well have slipped on a banana peel. You can't do something like that with a villain when you are trying to play it straight. Let alone TWICE. It's stupid, leads to nothing, and ruins any feelings I had for him being a good villain.And just because you don't have the same problems with it that I do does not mean that my complaints are invalid. I am a fan of this story, and that alone should validate my complaints. If you think this story is perfect and have absolutely 0 problems with it, fine. Doesn't mean other people can't.
Just read all 13 chapters at once.Manly tears have been shed….
@AnonymousWhere did I state in my post that your points were invalid? You are overreacting and jumping to conclusions, my post was not to be taken that serious. And the way the brain freeze was explained and the fact that it was done twice makes me think that it's hinting to something. But if it's not then I just think it's something that added to the athmosphere.And no, I do not think this fan-fic is perfect, I was just disagreeing with some of the complaints you made. Don't jump to conclusions.
In the past decade I have read a lot of books. I've also read a lot of fanfiction. The topics have varied, I've cried and I've laughed. I usually get completely tied up in a story, and nowadays it's hard for me to say I feel something "new".But this story… It's easy to make me feel the sorrow of having someone precious die, but I can honestly say I had never read something so heart wrenching as when the mother lost her daughter, all without a single drop of blood being spilled.I've been at the edge of my seat the entire time reading this. You deftly outmanoeuvred me every time I felt "Yeah, I know what will happen next". You took my expectations, and then you twisted them around. It worked. Good lord it worked.I won't say this story is perfect, for I could nitpick that a few sections felt a bit drawn out, but that would really be nitpicking. Five out of Five good sir and now I'm going to weep since there's no more chapters to read and I probably can't expect any new for a while.
@Killerowl Atmosphere*
@KillerowlSorry. I was unaware that your post was not meant to be taken seriously. It is difficult to tell on the internet. However, my replies still stand, especially with the brain freeze. If it leads to something, fine, but if not, then all I can say is that Nexus is written poorly.
@AnonymousI'm not sure how having a brain freeze influences how good a character is written. It's not used for comedic effect, it just happens when he drinks orange juice. AND WHY ISN'T IT APPLE JUICE?! THIS GUYS PURE EVIL. Ehem… as I was saying; It may be unnecessary, or it may not be. Then again, this is my opinion.
@Anonymous*raises his hoof*Here, me. I feel like that, too.Let me respond to each of your complaints individually, to illustrate which points I agree with.1. Pretty much only Celestia, but yes.2. Hmm, maybe a little better, but I don't REALLY agree with this.3. YES! But… erm… that's kinda nitpicking… I think… *fluttershy style squeak of insecurity*4. Nope, completely disagree. Villains get brainfreeze, too, competent or not.5. HILARIOUSLY forced, most of the time. I thought these were deliberate jokes.But yeah, the fic isn't perfect, and, personally, I wouldn't say it QUITE deserves six stars. I'd probably rate it 4.8 stars or something if I could. *shrug*With five stars being absolutely extraordinary, and six stars being almost impossibly divine.That being said, I still love this story and it met my high expectations. Pen Stroke is a great author that writes great stories!
@AnonymousRegarding nopony figuring out that Nyx was disguised: Nopony was on the lookout for a disguised filly alicorn through most of the story. It had even slipped Spell Nexus's mind that she could be a filly and not just a depowered yet full sized Nightmare Moon. All that Celestia knew, anyhow, was that Nightmare Moon had returned after some fashion. Furthermore, she didn't have any reason to distrust Twilight Sparkle at the time of the play, and the captured cultists would have had no idea that the spell had actually created anything, so there would be no clues from that direction even had they not been conditioned not to talk about the cult to outsiders.The one moment that anypony other than Twilight, Spike, Rarity, or the Cutie Mark Crusaders saw Nyx look like Nightmare Moon was when she poured magic into herself to win the tug of war. Lots of ponies were disturbed by the display, but her mane hadn't gone full Nightmare. It was still purple, if quite a bit more sparkly and quite floatier than usual, so she still wasn't quite a dead ringer for Nightmare Moon and the connection could easily be missed if you weren't looking for it.It's a lot easier to hide when nopony is looking for you specifically. All that anypony sees when they look at Nyx is an adorable black unicorn filly with a talent for magic and some relation to Twilight Sparkle. Also, you have to remember that Celestia and Nexus aren't reading this fic and therefore don't know most of what the readers know.As for why Spike and Rarity didn't blab? Rarity definitely knows the importance of keeping secrets from "Green is not your Color," and she trusts Twilight enough to give Nyx a chance and swiftly finds Nyx to be too cute to be evil. Spike, as we saw in "Owl's Well that Ends Well," is Twilight's #1 assistant and views her to be a mother figure of some sort (he becomes quite depressed when he thinks she doesn't love him anymore). While he isn't happy about the situation at first, he isn't about to go over her head about something that she feels very strongly about. He holds his ground at first, accepting the bribe because he is sure that Twilight will come to her senses before Nyx can plunge Equestria into eternal night, but he finds that Nyx grows on him rather quickly.About the brain freeze: I found those bits to be a bit odd myself, but those little bits of comic relief surely haven't broken my sense of Nexus's villainy. I'm not sure how the story's mood would be affected by the removal of those bits or by the comic relief's being transferred to somepony else.I don't have a problem with your criticizing Pen Stroke and Batty Gloom's writing, as long as you take the time to read my trying to explain/rationalize/hand-wave it. Still, it would be nice if you could chill out and write in a calmer tone so that we don't think you are just ranting.
@ZanzibarGood news, everypony!Judging by their update schedule so far, you can expect to find at least 3 more chapters waiting for you later tonight.
@Bugsydor Not to offend, but I'll believe it when I see it.
@BugsydorYeah, probably minutes before I planned (past tense) to go to sleep.AGAIN.
nnnnggggghhhhhupdaaaaate! We need more!
Hey, Pen Stroke, Batty Gloom. If you two want, I can go over your previous chapters, in saved Word Docs I already have, and correct all the errors everyone is whining like Rarity over. Then send the fixed versions back to you. You won't even need to credit me if you don't want to, I'm just looking for something to do with my time….That is, if you don't mind.
@DanielNote: by "fixed" I mean corrected typos. everyone seems to want this to be perfection.
@Bugsydor Bad news. It says in the OP that the authors will be away till the first week of August.
@KillerowlI played all of the luna games and re read cupcakes, so I ain't going to sleep for a good 3 or 4 dozen hours,
@Jett Midknightffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
Uhh, does anyone remember Spell nexus' cover job?
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@Pen StrokeI thought he was one of Celestia's students
@SurogunerSpell Nexus is portrayed as the Headmaster to Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns.
@ULTRAMARIOXNexus is a full grown stallion, and I doubt any pony would simply be Celestia's official student for the entirety of their lives. They all got to graduate at some point. Also, his position as Celestia's student would have undoubtedly made it easy for him to become the headmaster of the school.
@Pen StrokeTrue, but still, it doesn't explain why he turned on Celestia……. yet *nudge* *nudge* *wink* *wink*
In the light of the news that have just been brought to my attention, I will now go and find a corner and cry uncontrollably for the next 5 days.
@ULTRAMARIOX But that has already been explained! It the contact with the remnants of NMM that corrupted him. It's sort of what the last chapters have been explaining.
@KillerowlI should probably just revise that whole post. Meh, nevermind.
I thought more about Celestia doing something to him like Twilight had happen to her (the Nyx being taken away), and he started to hate Celestia for it, and found Nightmare Moon was against Celestia, so he did everything for Nightmare Moon to get his revenge, ad he might turn on Nightmare Moon later, as he learns to despise her as well. I only think that because Nyx may be more lenient than he wants her to be.
@Pen StrokeThank you. I'm trying to work in a shout out to this fict in my Fan fict and I wanted to make sure I didn't get the wrong pony by mistake.
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@Jett Midnight:Frak! This is going to be driving me nuts for the next few days, and then they will return just in time for finals…going to University in summer is not something I look forward to doing ever again.
THANKS TO ALL YOU GUYS FOR SPOLING THIS FIC TO ME WITHOUT A SINGLE WARNING. NOW I'M SURE TO HAVE LOTS OF COOL SURPRISES WHILE READING IT!Seriously, what was I thinking when I clicked that goddamned "Newest>>" button?
@Fasde3333Didn't your know your subconscious is a troll
@Fasde3333 Frankly, it's your own fault.
@ULTRAMARIOXHeck yes! It sure is!
Ya know, I am normally not one to read long, multi-chapter Fanfics. Normally, if it's not a one shot, I don't want to invest my time in it…. But that has completely changed, and seemingly overnight. When I first saw this back on Saturday, I thought "Hmmm, this seems interesting, even if it is long," and now it is my favorite fanfic EVER! The wonderful characters (I'm looking at you, Nyx) and the fact that it stayed true to the characters that we all know and love, and even added layers of depth to otherwise somewhat shallow chracters (I'm looking at you, Rarity). This story truly is a masterpiece, and proves that the written word is not dead.This is a wonderfully written tale of acceptance and redemption, and I am praying for a happy ending. Good work, Pen stroke and Batty Gloom, keep it up!P.S. Yes I did cry at the end of Ch. 10, but they were MANLY tears, I tell you! MANLY!!
@Pen Stroke and Batty Gloom:Enjoy your break, and say hi to Luna for me while you're there!Can you imagine what would have happened had this hiatus happened after Chapter 10? There would have been riots! RIOTS I tell you!
More please.Please.It's seriously bugging the hell out of me. I need to read more.
@KillerowlYou are curious about other people's opinions and you get spoilers about the story. Simple as that.Yep, I agree with your statment.
"Pen Stroke and Batty Gloom have been sent to the moon. Past Sins will resume updating in the first week of August."O_ONOOOOOOOOO!
DAMN YOU PEN STROKE.YOU MAKE ME WAIT UNTIL AUGUST TO CONTINUE THIS EPIC EPIC OF EPIC EPICNESS!
@Fasde3333Y'know, you could have stopped reading the comments as soon as you came across what looked like the beginning of a spoiler. That's what I do when a new update appears here, anyway.
@Fasde3333 Well, we stopped using spoiler tags because we thought no one would be so stupid and go through 6 pages of comments before reading the story.And then you come along and do this! I applaud you my fellow brony. We thought it impossible, but you proved us wrong! With that said, I lol'd.
@BugsydorIt's a kinda hard to predict spoleirs when you're reading the newest comments of an awesome fanfic that you haven't even read the predule yet.I was like: "Well, let's see the opinion of everypony and…" BLAMO! Spoiler.But I don't blame you guys. I saw that you were at the middle of a really interesting discussion and that's pretty cool. I love when people show their unique opinions about stuff. Opnions are nice.
@KillerowlTo (mis)quote Albert Einstein, "I know only two things to be infinite: the universe, and human stupidity. I'm not sure about the universe, though."To (mis)quote Murphy's Law, "If something can be done in a way that ends in disaster, somebody will do it that way eventually."Anyhow, sorry to spoil stuff for you, Fasde. We were kinda thinking that the depths of the comment sea were our own world, populated only by we who had read the story. I'm sorry for your loss, but I don't think we have spoiled everything yet. You can just go to the tropes page for that, though.
@Fasde3333Also, I swear I am not calling you stupid. It's just that your comments have provided me with some mirth and I got reminded of a couple of cool quotes.
@Killerowl @BugsydorOkay… both of you are right and I was really stupid doing that. I should be less stupid next time. Thanks for the advice anyway….oh, you stupid reader.
@fredericWHAT HE SAID.(Now no longer replying to anyone)But in all seriousness, this has become, by FAR, my favorite fic. It took me a while to figure out why exactly I liked it so very much. I could tell it wasn't just the superior writing, characterizations, and plot. I originally just thought it was because Nyx was adorable, and I just wanted to give her a great big hug, but by a certain scene in Chapter 6 (to remain spoiler-less, I won't name which one, though those of you who have read this should know what I'm talking about), I realized the big reason I like this story so much is because of the genuineness of the emotions. They don't seem forced or artificial at all, but are very natural, and as I said before, genuine.Also, to address complaints of Celestia's (supposed) OOC-ness, for all we know, "The War of the Night" could be canonical. (See "Solar Flare" if you don't know what I'm talking about.) It could just be that she is really, truly scared about something like that happening again, and so wants to take all precautionary measures against such a thing ever happening again, even if her actions because of it are emotionally unfavorable, due to our sympathies lying with Twilight, the story having mainly focused on her.To sum up, Pen Stroke and Batty Gloom, take my 5 stars for this fic. You have earned them far more than any other fic I've read so far on this site.
@Bugsydor I love those quotes! @Fasde3333And I'm not calling you stupid, I'm just using your unfortunate incident as fuel for the jokes! You are slightly retarded though. >.>
A week or so. A goddamned week.That's when I'm going on vacation. For another week.I'm dumping the entire fic so far onto my laptop. I'm going to ration it. I must endure.
>Pen Stroke and Batty Gloom have been sent to the moon. Past Sins will resume updating in the first week of August.O_O…*checks Steam*Pen Stroke Pony: Last Online: 1 hrs, 15 mins agoBatty Gloom Pony: Currently In-Game: Terrariae_e …do they have internet on the moon?
>Pen Stroke and Batty Gloom have been sent to the moon. Past Sins will resume updating in the first week of August.*uses Elements of Discord to undo the Elements of Harmony's banishment spell*
@Not A Good Username 360No, they do not have internet on the moon. Steam only knows what they're playing because of the Orbital VALVe LAZAR targeting array that keeps taking pics of their screens.@Killerowl:Thanks for liking the quotes! Glad I could be of service.
I read the first 13 chapters in one go and I must say this its one of my top five pony fics.
So…who else plans to keep busy for the next week by constantly refreshing the comments section and posting about stuff?
OMG! Cant you guys just like, use special powerz and write frum the dam moon? I mean If That story takes until next week to write im going to DIE. I swear, im not joking.
Someone write a meta fic about Pen Stroke deliberately crafting this fanfic to hook everyone, then putting it on hiatus to troll us all.
@BugsydorLets have a guessing game!You have 3 tries to guess what my answer to that would be!
@JonnyManzI understand that it is easy to think that the anti-Celestia sentiment is due to us being emotionally illogical and flawed, but it is a little bit insulting. Even when you're dealing with existential risks, there's no reason to use that as an excuse to do anything you want.To paraphrase Michael Rohan (with apologies for the alterations): "You think that is the only threat? There are bound to be others, and sooner or later one of them will know what you did. Then you would never be safe. They'd never trust you, not for an instant. And eventually there's bound to be some who think like you, and you'd be giving them grand evidence wouldn't you? Unless of course you got them first, at once, first chance you get. A preemptive strike, before they could possible have a chance. Isn't that a glorious future? A paranoid killer, skulking about in hiding when we could have lived in harmony. Clamping down on innovation and discovery, anything that might become a threat and make you stain your hands again with the same old crime. What would that make you? A carrion-eater – no worse, a ghoul, a vampire, killing just to carry on your own worthless shadow-life."
@Daniel*uses the elements of despair to restore the spell.that spell is a 2 way ticket, you don't want to make it a one way
@KillerowlMy guesses are, in order:1) A duck!2) You will be checking the comments incessantly all week as well.3) 42Another thing we could pass the time with is combing through the previous chapters for examples of tropes for the trope throne!
@BugsydorBeen there, done that, how about writing our own stories? been doing that, how about listening to music while reading? doing that right now, any other suggestions?
@BugsydorOh my… They are all correct!But, I'm not all that well-versed in tropes. Wait, is that a warhammer reference? O.o
OK, This is just amazing! This tale's like a really good book: it has a solid buildup, original plot, mystery and wonder and best of all, it's all packed into the MLP universe!+1 internets
A whole week without updates? Oh, botheration.But I just now realized that I haven't taken the time to say how much I have genuinely enjoyed reading this story, though my over-involved exploration of Celestia's motivations on the previous page probably gave some hint. Here, let me offer the mandatory -ALL MY STARS! TAKE THEM!!1!- but, in all seriousness, Pen Stroke and Batty Gloom, thank you so much for writing this. The characters we know are well-presented and true to canon, and the new characters are charming and well-realized – little Nyx most of all, of course. But what strikes me most is the genuine emotion this story invokes in me. Without ever seeming trite or melodramatic, you, good sirs, have managed to seize my heartstrings and play them as well as Octavia could ever play her bass. I felt my throat tightening up at the end of chapter 6 – when Nyx called Twilight her mother, I was honestly choked up with the sweet happiness of it. And chapter 10 – let us set that aside for now. I still haven't forgiven you for that pain ;)But again, this story is everything I could have hoped for and more; all expectations have been met and exceeded. The only criticism I can offer is that, as others have pointed out, a fair number of spelling and grammar errors crop up. That's a minor issue, however; honestly I'm here for the story, and in that respect, you have delivered marvelously.(P.S. If you are in need of a proof-reader, I would happily help you out. It would be a good excuse to re-read the story so far, and perhaps… to get a sneak preview of coming attractions? Eh? Eh?)
@BugsydorThank you for the internets. I shall treasure them.Or try to trade them for FiM merchandise. One of those two.
This must be what it feels like when a drug addict has their stash taken away.
I would like to add a 7th star to this story. The amount of shear amazing this story has embedded in it is only rivaled by the amount of love I have for Nyx… poor poor Nyx. Dam you cultists, couldn't you have left the poor little filly alone?
*grabs a Nyx shot* I! NEED! MY! DOSE! OF! D'AWWW! And then I need my insulin shot! But first my d'awww shot!Anyway, enjoy yourself/selves, Pen and/or Batty. I'm not quite sure how I'll live- okay who am I kidding I'm going to reread the story like twenty times until the updates come back, and probably cry at chapter 10 every single one of those times. That's what you've caused me to do. I hope you're happy. Because I am, with your awesome story.Now, to find the publish button before I start rambling…
What? no updates till aungust? ahem.. (Darth Vader) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! (Darth Vader) Tho, I now understand the hanging scene. My theory is that Nexus is gonna be the one to order, it, thinking NM has gone "soft". Dunoo if anyone here sees Angel the series or the comics, but I´m finding a lot in common with NMM and Ilyria, both evil goddesses and when they were reborn they were infected with humanity (for the lack of a better term)And manly tears were cried in chapter 10
@S.Aura KnightHa, just be thankful we have an RP going on to drag out this long, slow, miserably week without our daily Nyx…..OH GOD!!! D:
@SurogunerWell well, Hello Glaber. Long time no see. It's me, Chaos Knux.
Ya know what would be awesome?If they finished this Fanfic on August 15th, which also happens to be my birthday. I will be turning 17, and that would be the absolute best gift in all of Equestria. So, Pen Stroke, if you ever read this, keep that in mind, as it would make me the happiest brony in the freakin' world…. Seriously though, post it as you see fit, I would be happy all the same for the opporotunity to read more of this wonderfully written fic.
@KillerowlYes, that was a Warhammer 40k reference. Actually, all that I know about it I learned from reading its entire trope catalog (so many pages…). There's no way I would actually play it, seeing as crack is cheaper and I don't really like grimdark for grimdark's sake all that much.@Starlancer:Hmm…maybe I could add Humanity Is Infectious or a similar trope to the trope page.
@AnonymousI see, better read when I have a chance.
*Notices hiatus*Well, f***Guess I'll play some Uncharted 2 online @_@(Add me if you want… my PSN is the same name I use here
@DanielChaos Knux? Let me guess, SRB2 community? Either way, it's been a while since I seen you. I'm kind of surprised you recognized me seeing as my name doesn't match what I used there. (feels the shrinkage of the internet)I have to wonder though if you latched on to Nyx like I did.(I sooooo want a plushie of her)
@Suroguner*Overhears SRB2 mentioned*Sonic Robo Blast 2?Thats a pretty good game!
@ BugsydorDon't get me started about the trope thing. You hooked my curiosity with all the talk about it, and then suddenly 5 hours of my life just vanished. I do feel more enlightened though.
This Story is Beyond Amazing. My words cannot ever do it Justice.As an aside, I was watching Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog right before reading the latest chapter, and I feel an odd parallel between Nightmare Moon's/Nyx's and the musical number "Everything You Ever" from Dr. Horrible.Or I'm just crazy.
@Hermit AeonWell, a number of people here have made that connection, including me (I was the first to mention it). One guy even posted a modified set of lyrics so that Nightmare Moon was singing it instead of Dr. Horrible.@SingForTheMoon:It seems that my evil plan has worked…MWAHAHAHAHA! Sorry to make you lose so much time, though. TVTropes seems to be enchanted with some strange time-eating magic. Two pages that I recommend to describe your current situation: TVTropes Will Ruin Your LifeTVTropes Will Enhance Your Life
I told myself I wouldn't read fan-fics when I finally admitted to being a fan of this show. I told myself that I'd check out the images, the PMVs, watch every episode several times, participate in discussion, and revel in the excellent remixes of the show's music (and the show's music itself), but I WOULD NOT READ FAN FICTION.Well, I just finished chapter 3. And the only thing keeping chapter 5 from being literarily conquered is chapter 4.
@ BugsydorNo harm no foul. Besides, that same curiosity is what got me hooked on FiM in the first place.
@Bugsydor That's an egregious (drink up!) error on your part. You included two links, but only one of them (hint: the second one) is the correct choice for an answer! Now, time for some Wild Mass Guessing. Nyx is a Time Lord. Nyx is Ash Ketchum's father. The bush that Twilight found Nyx in was actually an Epileptic Bush.*You know you're on TV Tropes (specifically the WMG pages) too much when…*
*finishes reading chapter 13*Gee, I wonder when the next update will be!? :D*in first week of August*._. Okay.
@icekatzeI find your opinions interesting, icekatze. I guess you came to a similar conclusion as I did, that Celestia's actions as presented in the story are pretty indefensible. I'm assuming you came to the conclusion that this Celestia was autocratic, arrogant and short sighted while I came to the conclusion that this Celestia wasn't written in character. Celestia mostly just serves as a plot device to drive Nyx, when she becomes Nightmare Moon, to fully embrace her evil side. The thing is that Nyx doesn't need the push. The story already shows her to be sensitive. The same events could have transpired without forcing Celestia to behave so extremely. And when Nyx was fully transformed into Nightmare Moon I could fully understand Celestia being willing to kill her. I would still think it was wrong of Celestia, but I wouldn't think it would be out of Celestia's character to fight against an active threat rather then a filly who could be innocent.
@S.Aura KnightSorry, but I will be staying away from the TVTropes Drinking Game (which will ruin your liver). I'm planning to be a teetotaler throughout life, and am only 19 besides.Thanks for all of the obligatory WMG's though. You forgot to mention that Nyx is a reincarnation not of Nightmare Moon, but of Kamina! I had been considering adding that section to the tropes page, but had figured that the story would finish too fast for it to be worthwhile. Since we have a whole week here without updates though…
@OmaticY'know, I went through pretty-much the exact same process, but it started with "Progress" and then swiftly proceeded onto Doctor Whoof fanfics.@S.Aura Knight:Forgot to mention it in my above post, but your breaking into troperese made me laugh a lot.Also, I currently have the You know you are on TV Tropes too much when… page open in another tab.
@S.Aura KnightOk, the Wild Mass Guess page has been set up. At the moment it doesn't have anything that's really serious, except maybe for the 2nd entry, but I figured it is all in good fun and that you have to start somewhere.
I am not crazy right? Nyx has her Kazoo in the wrong way.I need to know because I am writing a Kazoo song for this fanfic. (Accompanied by an orchestra… I only have about 1 minute written out, but I plan that it will be at least five to six minutes long.)I might consider just playing my Kazoo backwards the entire time if she is putting it in her mouth wrong in the comic.
@Bugsydor That's probably a smooth call. A Keith Stone smooth call. I should stop watching television their ads are getting to me. But… Isn't Pinkie Kamina? How can he just be reborn as two different beings! I don't care if it makes sense that he could be it just can't happen! Anyway, WMG is needed for every page, especially for this story if it's left with a happy enough ending open for a sequel, although Pen and Batty haven't done a good job of making their stories sequel friendly. This could be the breakout though! More than one story with Nyx, please!I break into a lot of random things. Locked chests full of dark lore for resurrecting Nightmare Moon, other ponies houses to turn them to the dark lord's truth path, songs ala Pinkie Pie…As for the WMG page, that tempts me so much to read through the story yet again (3rd time's the charm?) to have an excuse to add a thing or two to the page to then go crazy with theories. And by "crazy" I mean probably whatever's on the page already.
@S.Aura KnightNonsense! Everypony knows that Rainbow Dash is a far better fit for Kamina. I think that Celestia could qualify as Lordgenome, though, and Nyx could be Nia.Let's go NUTS!
@OverkilliusI am pretty sure that one is supposed to play the kazoo with one's mouth at the narrow end, as she does in the comic and the other drawing.
@StarlancerPonyity.
@Bugsydorhmm… not the way I've seen it done. I'll get to the bottom of this… maybe both ways are right? but seriously I have never seen anyone play it from the narrow end.
SENT TO THE MOON?!?!?!HOW WILL I LAST FOR A WEEK WITHOUT MY FIX OF NYX!?!?http://www.nooooooooooooooo.com/
Apparently Kazoos are MEANT to be played the way Nyx plays them. That being said playing on the other end gives a kind of different sound, so they are both correct… I guess. I am going to use the actually correct way of kazoo playing (as apposed to the common way) for this song because it feels cleaner and I have more sound control.
@OverkilliusSo which are you calling the actually correct way? The way Nyx plays it, or the way that you always had?
SHUT UP AND TAKE MY DOLLARS, MY HOUSE, AND MY WIFE !I NEED MOOOOOOAAAAAR
@BugsydorThe way Nyx plays it is the actually correct way I found out.
This fanfic is awesome!
The good news is that Pen Stroke and Batty Gloom are merely temporally displaced in time and space, and not doing something stupid. Updates to resume Monday.The bad news is that I STILL can't get LJ to validate my id. Is it down or something?Finally the ugly news is… Wait, did I say ugly? I mean NIFTY!http://ponibooru.413chan.net/post/view/37586?search=past_sinshttp://ponibooru.413chan.net/post/view/37645?search=past_sinshttp://ponibooru.413chan.net/post/view/38746?search=past_sinshttp://ponibooru.413chan.net/post/view/38800?search=past_sinsPonibooru seems to be a hotbed of Nyx/Past Sins fan art right now. ^_^And in closing, how do I set up an avatar for EqD? Do I need to use something other than my "currently-not-working" LJ account?—Starcat5
@BugsydorThe tabletop was way too expensive for me to get into it! I'm an avid fan of the universe and the Dawn of War series though. But you'll have to excuse me while I disappear into the trop page. Holey moley that's a lotta tropeys!
The end of chapter twelve actually had me misty-eyed ;_;As always, a wonderful story by Pen Stroke and Batty Gloom, the text itself could use some more proofreading for minor orthographic mistakes, but the story and the plot itself is simply… Enchanting? Enthralling? Heart-Wrenching? All Of The Above!?…simply wonderful 🙂
"Pen Stroke and Batty Gloom have been sent to the moon. Past Sins will resume updating in the first week of August."WHAT?!!? YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS! Why must you make us wait? Is it because you're wanting extra time to work on your story? Or do you just want to torture us? I can't stand cliffhangers, so I really wish you wouldn't delay your readers without a reason.
Considering that all of the other stuff in the picture has happened, I assume the CMC will next be jailed and the climax is when Twilight is hung?
@Landon I think it is a good thing we have a break from this intense story…I remember when ch 7-10 came out. people got PISSED and probably a lot of people (myself included) cried.
I finally finished it and I think I had an heart attack and now I can't speak louder than Fluttershy when she first met Twilight.This was so emotional, so addictive I couldn't resit to stop reading and take a one minute break.I hope everything turns out all right or at least 'fine' after seeing what Nyx become and what she done or better what she hasn't done.
Waiting…for August….It hurts.This story is so awesome 😀
BugsydorI can think of two Tropes: Tearjerker moment: (chapter 10) and the one you suggested?
reads the lines under cover arthttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jVhdKoU69DA&feature=related
Could this story top one of Harry Potter books?I can`t tell, because I haven`t read a single one.Now that the date of continuation is set, I can get some rest.
Thanks for letting us know when ur gonna update next ^_^. I'll be back in august!
I don’t believe someone actually reads over 2000 posts…whatever in saying a few things base on what I have seen till chapter 13Celestia out of character? : Well do we know enough about her? She haven`t been on camera for more than 1 minute or said more than 3 lines, she is regal willing to forgive, calm and sometime like a little fun (like the cup of tea joke, and liking the chaos on the gala), but she is not a marble statue, she feels and thinks. For a 1000 year her greatest fear was night mare moon, the evil being that toke away her little sister and forced he to send her into exile for a millennium, something that can clearly affect anyone, after Luna’s return what you thing that happened to her? Night mare moon became her personal nightmare, something that can threat her kingdom, her pony subjects and most important her beloved little sister. if that force can return again her mid will be affected by her fears, scared as any other pony will be, her immutable appearance will disappear, she clearly toke decisions guided by her fears, her judgment was affected, and came to the conclusion is Nyx is night mare moon= eliminate, if not=let her go, dealing in absolutes… then this was a wrong decision but the damage was made, she realized the consequences of her mistake , that’s why the mirror showed a wound on her soul. We don’t know much about her canonical personality,as we do whit the 6 main characters, I don’t see why these change it’s so wrong……
@AnonymousUnfortunately, profile pics are restricted to those who have an account that blogger recognizes. My suggestion is to quickly put together a Google account, applying a profile pic in the process.Also, thanks for the fanart links. Nyx vs. Sock was my favorite of that group. Also, somepony mentioned in a comment on the iPod!Nyx pic the Metal Gear Solid song "Calling to the Night," which I found to be rather fitting.Speaking of music, I feel like it would be a great idea to compile a sort of playlist about this fanfic. Let's mention songs and what scene(s) they fit well. I'll start:* "Blurry" by Puddle of Mudd (aka Ace Combat 5's theme) for the fic in general, and Chapter 10's tearjerkers in particular.* "Everything You Ever" from Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog for Nightmare Moon's hollow victory in Chapter 13.@Starlancer:I posted the tearjerkers from Chapter 10 the night that they went online, so you are a little late to the party for those :p. If you mean the trope Action Mom for your second suggestion, then I just posted that one either last night or the night before. Thanks for your contributions, though. They are appreciated. Feel free to explore this story's trope page a bit. Maybe you could post something to grow the Wild Mass Guess section. The Crowning Moment of Heartwarming section definitely needs more love, as it currently has only one example. I can't be held responsible for any Wiki Walks you take as a result of straying onto the site, though.
@BugsydorEdit: Turns out that there are actually 2 entries on the CMoH page, not one.
Part 11 :>The monster that had stolen her sister away for over a thousand years had returned with a body of her own and vanished into the night, vowing to conquer the royal kingdom for herself and plunge Equestria into eternal night.-Mostly thanks to her… *Cough*… awkward.>“I did what was necessary.” Celestia forced out-All my Meteors on her !*- !! METEO !! -*>“YOU TOOK HER AWAY!?!” Luna shouted in disbelief. -I agree with Luna. Celestia was dumb… and paranoiac.>It was upon examining and interacting with those shreds that I became enlightened to your wisdom and power. -Soooo… He wasn't always a crazy bad guy, huh ? Interesting, I guess.—–Part 12 :>the only way I know how to cheer up ponies is with parties… and Twilight doesn’t need a party right now…” Pinkie Pie said-*GASP !* This proves, without a doubt, that the situation is Extremely grave… for Pinky Pie to not want to Party.>the unicorn soon found herself standing on that very balcony, having bypassed all of the castle’s outer security.-Solid Twilight, she doesn't even need a cardboard box ! (This is especially funny, if we consider the whole 'snake' thing 😉 )>In her legs the training dummy became much more a doll.-She may be Nightmare Moon on the *Outside*, but she is still Nyx… the little and charming filly in the *Inside*.—–Part 13 :>“Fillies and Gentlecolts, as mayor of Ponyville it…it is my duty… my solemn duty… to announce that Princess Luna and Princess Celestia have… have been defeated…”-Oh no ! Not Luna ! ……..oh, huh… and *monotone-voice* oh no, poor celestia… *cough*—–First posted July 18, 2011 … now we are the July 27, 2011…BARELY 9 days !!! And we have 1282 comments !! And 1349 votes/ratings !Not sure for everyone else, but I would think that we have ourselves a case of *Derpy*.By that I mean, the fulgurant ascension of the character Nyx, her popularity and the immense appreciation for her, it's kinda like with Ditzy/Derpy, or DJ P0N-3, or Dinky. :)A new ''Invincible'' character is born, I believe.
Assuming it´s Nexus that order the hanging..how pissed off will be NMM?
@Starlancer Depends. The way i see it nyx is still trying to live up to the persona of NMM, and to do this she can't keep being soft. I picture another meeting between NMM and twilight, and argument of some sort breaking out, and then NMM leaving nexus to "do with her what you will" (so to speak).It doesn't seem possible for nexus to get twilight out of the castle and get have her killed without NMM noticing. She has to be involved in someway, so either she orders it or let's nexus do what he wants to her.
I have an idea. I read a comment somewhere about how everything would return to "normal"(with NMM/Nyx returning to a filly). It suggested that this would probably make Nyx extremely saddened and heartbroken though, considering she would have the weight of the memories haunting her. WELL I had a crazily manly dream last night…What if they REVERSED the spell HALFWAY, so, unfinished again, then Nyx would return to a filly. Then, would it be possible to maybe find a memory erasing spell??? Get rid of all the memories from her "Previous" self, the ones she DIDNT do, but keep everything else… Wonder if that could be possible. Any ideas guys? hopefully you understood that.And I dont have time to sign in, so respond say Axisof3vil, after the ANON part. =D
I disagree, I still think Nexus will be doing this behind NMM´s back. And that will be the turning point.
@StarlancerI see where you're coming from with nexus doing it, i mean nexus is likely disappointed by the way things are turning out, and perhaps comes to believe that getting rid of her is the only way to have things be the way they should be. I'm just wondering how he could cover up such a thing, and considering NMM threatened to kill him if his guards even harmed her do you think he will have it in him to try it?
@AnonymousI'm not sure if there's any one definitive Celestia. Even the different writers from the series have taken slightly different takes on her. While I would prefer a more moral Celestia, I'm not sure there's any other way she could have been written that would have had the same powerful emotional impact that she did when she betrayed Twilight.Perhaps she could have said: "If she is Nightmare Moon, then we need to find a way to ensure she doesn't manifest as such." Instead of aiming straight for the kill, but then there would have been no reason to keep twilight away, and Twilight then wouldn't have had to struggle with her own failure to do the right thing.I was able to give Celestia the benefit of the doubt on banishing Nightmare Moon for a thousand years because it was assumed that she was truly backed against a wall and out of options. Still, she faced the new Nightmare Moon head on in combat, so she must have had some confidence in her ability to win, else she was even more stupid for not falling back and living to fight another day… Or as Laotzu so famously said:"As the soft yield of water cleaves obstinate stone, so to yield with life solves the insoluble: to yield, I have learned, is to come back again. But this unworded lesson, this easy example, is lost upon men."If Celestia knew she didn't stand a chance against Nightmare Moon, that being the reason to end her life ahead of time, she really ought to have hidden away until she could find a solution.—-@DakarosI suppose I could buy the line that since Luna's bitterness turned her into a wicked mare of darkness, Celestia's fear turned her into a wicked mare of lies and deceit. That might even give her a solid path towards redemption. I know a big theme in this story is past mistakes finding redemption anyway.—-@Nobody in ParticularSince Spell Nexus was infused with Nightmare Moon's pure essence, prior to her acquisition of the spirit of the elements of harmony -which cannot be destroyed so easily and exist inside- I would suspect that he is more attuned to Nightmare Moon's personality than Nyx is at the moment. Add that to the fact that he's no slouch, and I'd bet that he understands what's going on. He'll probably try to eliminate the pony's that she cares about as a means of cutting them out of her life and getting her back to the way he thinks she should be.
@AnonymousIf there were some sort of memory erasing spell out there, I think what Nexus would do is use it on NMM now to wipe out her memories from when she was a filly, so that she wouldn't feel the remorse that she obviously is at the possibility that her friends and caregivers (Twilight particularly) could be hurt by her actions, thus making her truly into the NMM that wanted Equestria bathed in eternal night.Comments?
@Bugsydor* "Blurry" by Puddle of Mudd*i agree, 100% ok whit this !!!———-ok can we get a sound track? com on e bronies let get a sound track :Dnot sure if fits but what about "the catalyst"-linkipark ???
Hmm.. "Broken" by Sether and Amy Lee would be one of the tracks.
"Given Up" by Linkin Park would also be appropriate and ironic…"I'm my own worst enemy…."
I just finished Ch. 13, and I'm hooked. I wub this story. I'm looking forward to updates to this more than any TV show on the air right now.
Confound this fanfic I can't stop reading it and I don't even like fanfic
If the story were to conclude on a uplifting note, with Nyx becoming a filly again and she and Twilight making amends, I could perfectly imagine "You'll Be In My Heart" by Phil Collins to represent Twilight's relationship with Nyx. Even though it hasn't been finished yet, I'm making a personal guess at the ending, as well as a song to contribute.
Well, I've started compiling songs that have been posted here on a smallish whiteboard. We have an ok start, but so far we have only collected bittersweet and sad songs (except for the potential future inclusion of "You'll be in my Heart"). We need some songs to describe Happy!Nyx, Magic!Nyx (think about the tug of war), etc. We need some music that goes with the CMoH at the end of Chapter 6, in particular. We need music for when Twilight is desperately searching for Nyx when she gets lost in the everfree forest.I think it would be particularly nice if we could find some songs played on the glass harp to go with some of the sweeter Nyx scenes.Also, please don't forget to type a brief statement about why you feel a song would fit some scene or aspect of the story when you tell us about it.I am looking forward to this.
well about the catalyst -linking park…i can imagin Nexus mions as"We're a broken people living under loaded gunAnd it can't be outfoughtIt can't be outdoneIt can't be outmatchedIt can't be outrunNo "and i imagine …"Will we burn inside the fires of a thousand suns (all the chaos that come whit the new night mare moon and teh fight whit celestia)For the sins of our hands (celestia desicion of taking Nyx away)The sins of our tongues The sins of our father (mother actually…twilight mistake when she froze up before trying to rescue nyx)The sins of our young (Nyx being blame for things that she haven't done)No ""And when I close my eyes tonightTo symphonies of blinding light ( the light for teh 6 elemets)…..Will we burn inside the fires of a thousand sunsooooh ( being hit by the 6 elements)Like memories in cold decay Transmissions echoing away (teh flash back Nyx had at the ruins "lol look at how many post we have here, guess we have just 1 hobby at the moment XDand yes we need happy songs…the happiest song i can think about right now would be baha men-best years of our lives, form shrek1 OST… of course disregarding that its a love song and the phase " It's a new romance" …disregarding that could be about how happy twilight is of having Nyx as her daughter..maybe? lol
The disney song, "Two Worlds" either from Tarzan or Brother Bear may work, but I'm not completely sure if it fits (unless you count Nyx being an technically artificial Alicorn being 2 worlds).
As I said in my deconstruction of NMM/Nyx a couple comments pages back, I'm almost POSITIVE Nyx is only being all evil and Nightmare-y because she thinks she's supposed to be. Nyx's personality has shown multiple times before that she is afraid of being hated by people, especially Twilight, and as such, acts with Rarity's level of class around those who would give a damn, never tries to rub anyone wrong, and all around is a genuine freaking SAINT, behaviorally. Then her heart is broken by Celestia taking her and Twi's BSOD, and she catches the Curse of Nightmare, a mental problem unique to Alicorns when they get too depressed, leading to the evil acts…Nyx is just a scared, depressed little girl who needs a friggin' hug, right now. Nightmare's outbursts in her chambers are indicative of depressed reactions I'veA: had myself; Uncontrollable rage fading into sorrowful self-loathing. or B: observed in younger cousins; Similar rages followed instead with hugging a security item, in Nyx's case the Twilight doll, to cry out the hurt after. Nightmare's memories restored or not, Nyx is still just a little kid at her core, and she just isn't mentally equipped yet to deal with the wounds that have been dealt to her soul and her heart all within one year of existence. Within the same week if I see the timeframes properly.—Probably played out as all hell, but for the Nightmare vs Celestia lightsabre battle, as I read it, my Media Player turned over to Dragonforce's "Soldiers of the Wasteland" found it fit like nobody's business. "Black Sheep" by Sonata Arctica close second, aimed more to being a Theme Tune Power-Up deal for Nightmare.As for happy musics, I got nothing, but I have an idea for an emotion tune for Nyx and the Crusaders need at the sleepover reveal… from the Yu-gi-oh! Season 1 soundtrack of all things. "We'll Be There."Alternate suggestion for Nightmare's complete resurrection, from same unlikely source: "I'm Back" AKA Seto Kaiba's Leitmotif/theme song.I'm sure I've got something happy we can use in the "Pokemon: The First Movie" soundtrack, or hell, maybe the "Space Jam" soundtrack.I forget, did Pinkie ever actually throw Nyx's welcome party? If so, LMFAO's "PARTY ROCK ANTHEM", FULL STOP.
Lets see… music and songs. I admit that I am biased towards pieces without lyrics.Final Wish -Sato Naoki: One of the most memorably epic scores I've ever heard. Would go well for Twilight's frantic search, or the duel between Celestia and Nyx.Jacob's Chain -Jamin Winans: From a film with a similar theme. The sudden shift in melody halfway through would go perfectly for one of Nightmare Moon's sudden memories of being Nyx.Hyllian Suite -Christophe Heral: Hard to find a better "Waking up peacefully, eating breakfast then going outside and enjoying a beautiful day," theme.Song for Ancestors -Juno Reactor: For Nightmare Moon's rebirth, foreboding and has the perfect laugh.And last but not least:Brain Damage/Eclipse -Pink Floyd: I often think of this song whenever Nightmare Moon/Luna comes up.
Nightmare moon never will approve Twilight exceution because i figure out something….The responsible of the order will be Nexus alone again Nyx wishes.Why?Guys look again the picture execution…ANYONE of you notice "The Sun" is starting to rise in the hour of Twilight hanging?That is Highly imcompatible with Eternal Night Law Dont you think?.That will be the last Straw for Nexus…The next chap will be interesting.
@Blood Dragon JL"Guys look again the picture execution…ANYONE of you notice 'The Sun' is starting to rise in the hour of Twilight's hanging?"Holy shit you're right. The sun IS rising… maybe Nyx found out at the last second, and, pissed at Nexus over this, and ends the eternal night just because Nexus was that big a dick about this, it let Nyx take full dominance out of pure force-of-will banishing the Nightmare persona from her mind, making the right choice and releasing Celestia, then outright DISINTEGRATING Nexus and the rest of the cult in front of Celestia's eyes.If the above Asspull explanation is the right one, I will be utterly amazed.
This song fits the mood for when Nightmare Moon makes her appearance in Ponyville after seizing the castle.
@J0J0I meant to include a link, but i screwed up the html.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PDZYS7Gc5TQ
Some Anon posted a really great song called Blurry by Puddle of Mudd. You guys should check it out…
I think this song fits Chapter 6's end, and Chapter 10's end very well, especially if you visualize it in your head.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m-ybztlq28c
This story is so bucking awesome… it literally made me tear up at some parts, and laugh from heart at others… I too can't wait to see the next parts.
Oh. My. God. I discovered this story earlier today and I just could not tear myself away until I read all of what has been posted so far. This is certainly one of the finest stories to grace this website, and is the finest I have yet come across.The emotions this story elicits out of me are much deeper than anything else I've read here; the characters are so believable and true to the show but so well developed beyond anything in the canon story. Twilight's growth as a mother, Nyx's development as a filly, all just superb. I was close to tears and I laughed at many of the comedic moments.And as I said, this story is incredibly true to the show. I mean, more so than any other story I've read here. The one exception would be the cultists, who seem not a little like Death Eaters in their mannerisms and actions, but your ability to weave in references from the show into the narrative is unmatched by anything I've seen so far.I eagerly await the future chapters! I do not know where this story is headed and I dearly want to know!
People complaining yesterday that they had to wait till the first week of august; there are 3 days left in this month, and that last day is on a Sunday. It shouldn't be too long until an update.Though I am sure many will agree here (wordlessly or otherwise) when I say that it will be a trying time for my patience.
Like I said "Broken" is about the duality of Nyx/NMM and the fact she lies to herself that she is stronger now she´s NMM.
Ya know that scene with From and Sam at the end of Two Towers is appropriate for this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JEMdXhfO-Wk&feature=channel_video_titleThe darkness is always stronger just before the dawn.
@Daniel@Blood Dragon JL"Guys look again the picture execution…ANYONE of you notice "The Sun" is starting to rise in the hour of Twilight hanging?"Wow. I've looked the picture over a dozen times and that detail never really 'clicked'.Consider the following:-Nyx wouldn't want to hang Twilight, and the crowd doesn't seem too happy about it, so that probably rules out a mob hanging. Celestia obviously wouldn't let this happen. That leaves Nexus, and puts this sometime before Celestia has been freed.-The sun has been raised. Only an alicorn can do this. Since Twi's about to be strung up, Celestia and Luna probably haven't been freed. This leaves Nyx.-The entire crowd seems to not be taking much notice of the sun. The sun rising for the first time in a while would be enough to draw the crowd's attention away. So it's probably setting.Here's my crazy idea, based on the above assumptions.Nyx begins to regret her actions and raises the Sun, but doesn't yet free Celestia(or Luna) out of fear for her own life. The day passes. Nexus, in an attempt to bring out the full Nightmare Moon in Nyx, hangs, or at least attempts to hang Twilight at sunset.
August is coming up fast whee
Granted, I have not read every single comment in this thread, but everyone who is upset about OOC talks about Celestia… Or so it seems.However my problem is with Luna being shooed away so easily. I can understand Celestia's actions due to arguments already presented and that I agree with.But Luna was at one point Nightmare Moon, though she is now redeemed. And Nyx is not Nightmare Moon as she once was, she also has some qualities as shown throughout the following chapters.I would expect that a dialogue between Luna and Nyx would have far reaching consequences on Nyx's behavior, as both share common points. That Luna was explained away so easily and briefly is wrong in my opinion.However, that is the only point marring this otherwise great piece for me. So please keep going.
Great story, I have even read some parts again which happens rarely in my case. For now, the worst part was when we were told that the next update will be later. ;)As for negative comments I think that argument that Nyx is Mary Sue is ridiculous. I can also believe that Celestia may do such things (but maybe I'm a little biased against her).However I have the same opinion about Luna as Darkdrium , but as I thought about it, we know what had happened only from what Nyx tell Celestia during fight and honestly would you tell whole truth to your enemy? Especially when that talk with Luna actually had strong impact. But it's only a guess.Anyway 5 stars from me.
I'm assuming that Nyx has joined the ranks of Dinky Doo in that she has been accepted into the fannon with open arms. Have a good break from the story. I hope you come back refreshed and ready to show the rest of the epic you have shared with the community.
@LucasThat might just be crazy enough to work.Additional theory: Nexus is trying to frame somepony else for this crime.Because he doesn't want to DIE.And he knows both the real Nightmare Moon and Nyx are quite probably going to kill him if he kills Twilight against her orders.Nyx would be killing him murdering her mom, whom she still loves despite the tragic betrayal.Nightmore Moon would kill him for DARING to disobey her. HER! HIS GODDESS!@anomalyA Sue is only really a Sue when she feels like a Sue: bland and hollow and stupid.While Nyx may (or may not) have Mary Sue traits, she is NOT a Mary Sue for she does not feel hollow, bland or stupid.
I'm currently reading through chapter eleven, and there're a couple of things I want to say about this fic (and there are far too many comments for me to read 'em all, so I apologise if this has already been brought up and/or addressed). First, something that should be obvious from the fact that I'm on chapter eleven – I love it so far. Nyx is adorable, most of the characters are believable, and while there are a few problems with spelling/grammar/word choice, it's not enough to drag the fic down.Second thing: Celestia has a very firm hold on the idiot ball, and that is very out of character for her.She (rightfully) suspects that Nyx is at least a potential Nightmare Moon, yet when she takes steps to verify this, she takes no precautions whatsoever. Worst-case scenario is that Nyx was a fully-powered NMM in disguise looking for a way to subvert the elements of harmony, and as we all know, Celestia can't beat Nightmare Moon on her own. If the worst had happened, she would have been attacked and imprisoned by NMM. At best.Then we have the best-case scenario – that Nyx was just an alicorn filly created by the spell. In which case Celestia had just (perhaps irreparably) damaged her relationship with Twilight Sparkle, one of the most powerful and talented unicorns in Equestria even without the Element of Magic. Worse, she may have created a NMM-scale problem by alienating one of the only three known alicorns in the world.Either way, taking Nyx to Canterlot instead of, say, performing the ID spell in Ponyville with the Elements of Harmony present was an incredibly stupid thing to do. Not story-breaking stupid, thankfully, but still.I also don't quite understand why Celestia got someone else to research and cast the ID spell when she's probably forgotten more about magic than any unicorn will ever know, but never mind that.Anyways, raging about Celestia's stupidity aside, still a very good read. I'm gonna go read the rest now.
@DarkdriumI think that relating the dialogue that Nyx probably had with Luna wouldn't have really fit the mood of the piece at the point in the story that it actually happened. My guess would be that Nyx later has a flashback to it, possibly amidst others, as she is about to redeem herself.I just had a crazy idea that incorporates what others have said regarding Twilight's prospective hanging. The scene leading up to it will be a dark mirror of Twilight's HeroicBSOD as Nyx is taken away.Nyx has confronted Spell Nexus about making rules behind her back, but Nexus convinces her that he has only been acting in her best interest. Towards the end of his speech, (Nyx is currently silent and downcast) he will mention that she has not turned out as expected. This line causes a chain of flashbacks regarding ponies either expressing their expectations that she will turn out to be a being of pure evil (like her listening to what Celestia said about her) or that she doesn't have to be what other ponies expect her to be. Towards the end of this string of flashbacks will be her recollection of what really happened between her and Luna, and the string will culminate in a picture of a bruised and broken Twilight telling her that she doesn't have to be evil (the scene with Twi's apology). As the epiphany hits, Nexus (who had been talking this whole time) comes to the part of his speech where he mentions that Twilight Sparkle's hanging is scheduled to happen in 5 minutes. At this, Nyx gives him a "You did WHAT?!" and dashes off to rescue Twilight. Arriving with the sun rising behind her, she rescues Twilight just as she is about to drop. Nyx then pulls off another CrowningMomentOfHeartwarming as she tells Twilight, "I'm here for you, Mommy" and they give each other a great big hug. Through ThePowerOfLove, Nyx is transformed back into a filly during the hug.Unfortunately, Nyx turning back into a filly leaves her rather depowered compared to Nightmare moon, and the cultists are eager to get her back. Cue epic fight scene beginning with just Twilight and Nyx running through the crowd whilst fighting off cultists that are trying to capture them. The crowd is unsure what to make of this. One by one (starting with Rarityand ending with Rainbow Dash, I think), the rest of the mane 6 make their way toward Twilight and Nyx, saving the slowly growing group right as they would be overwhelmed.Just when it looks like there the group will finally succumb to the endless horde of cultists and each member of the group has fired off her FacingTheBulletsOneLiner (each one having to do with her element of harmony), the Elements of Harmony appear and purge TheCorruption from everypony in the area.Ok, crazy and unlikely scene over. As awesome as that set of scenes could be, I am sure that Pen Stroke and Batty Gloom have something far more epic thought up for how the hanging will (or won't?) go down. Still, this made for a fun Wild Mass Guess (which is why I left some things as WikiWords).
@TirothThis.SO MUCH this.Thanks for pointing that out for me (and everypony else, of course).Again, more arguments in favor of Celestia being OOC.
Oh God, I just read this entire fic in one sitting.Chapter Ten was so powerful. It's the first time someone else's writing has made me genuinely cry, not manly tears or watery eyes, CRY.This fic deserves all the smothering of praise it's receiving.
On Celestia being OCC…We've really not seen enough of Celestia in the show to have a good idea of what her character is like. Rather, we've not seen her character under tremendous stress. You can't help but project your own opinion of how she should behave onto her character. While she might be out of character for others, what she did will make sense to others still.
That "MOMMY" was painful……I love this series
Wait August?!*Spike* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
about the ending… i like to think that Ny will realize what Nexus is trying to do, releases Celestia and Luna and runs to rescue her mother, celestia finally understands that Nys is not evil, that se came back form teh dark side (hell yeah star wars analogy lol) and after geting nexus arrested, Celestia and Luna use their magic together to turn nix into a filly unicorn 😀
@Sparkleri agree
Wait until august???!! NOOO!!!*sees the date, 3 days to August*Still, NOOOO!!!!!!
I´m marking the days on the wall.
I have a pic of Nyx glued on Monday on my calendar so that there is NO confusion as to what I'm remembering.
Future Reference: Daniel has found how to change his Blogger info. I am he. From now till forever.
Every time I'm taken aback by something amazing in the fandom, there's something else that amazes me more. Considering the last thing that amazed me like that was a story I considered among the best I have ever read…I seriously can't wait for the next installment!
Ksssst….Ksssst… Hallo? Kssst. Ez zhis zhing on? Ze notice said kssst… first veek of August… kssst… No one said anyzhing…. kssst… about next Monday exactly kssst…. You und your assumptions… Kssst.ksssst…Can zomebody send blankets? Et ez cold on ze moon!
@Batty Gloom why do you torture us so?
AUGUST! WHAT THE HAY!!! >cries
@Batty GloomSo tuesday then?
@Blood Dragon JL"Guys look again the picture execution…ANYONE of you notice "The Sun" is starting to rise in the hour of Twilight hanging?"HOREY SHEET. I saw that days ago and never thought about it in depth. I said, "Oh, looks like the eternal night will get ended but someone's still gonna have Twilight executed." I never realized it almost surely implicated Nexus. Also, props for being first to come here and point it out. I was too Sweetie-Belle-brained to think of that.
1337th comment! Hooyah.
OK, after reading through this entire page of comments, I have come to a couple of conclusions.A: A lot of people seem to think that Celestia was being a monster. Had I been in her situation, I would've done exactly what she did, but explained what was going on to Nyx instead of just having my guards round her up like a common criminal.and B: You all are assuming that the next update will be released on Monday. As BG said, they said the first week of August. Now I am just as impatient as you are to see more of this, but give them time, they are doing a fabulous job, and don't need the fandom to get greedy.
@ActionScripter9109 But just a page or two ago I was talking about what the sun rising in the picture could mean… MY COMMENTS ARE TOO LONG TO READ! POR QUE!
NYX IS THE BEST PONY IN SOCKS.
I need moar! please My heartstrings are falling out of my chest
@OverkilliusWhy do you need to add the "in socks" bit?
@Chaos KnuxYou will find that EqD is currently holding a poll in the top right corner of the blog about which Socks!Pony is best Socks!Pony. Nyx is currently in 3rd place behind Luna and Fluttershy.
If Nyx out-sockses Luna it is an act of the gods themselves. Nyx's main target is surpassing Fluttershy for now.
yeesh, you bronies are taking things a bit too seriously.It's a good story, heck yes it is. I read it, even though it was a bit predictable at times.The fact that the author had a great opening image is probably half the reason this thing is getting so much attention. I wonder who was commissioned to draw that…at any rate, I'm not criticizing the story ortrying to bash it, but chill out people. It isn't like any of this is going to be any sort of canon. And after all, just like any sort of fiction out there, it is exatly that. Fiction. Fiction of a fiction, no doubt. Like i said, the story is great and well done (though could go under a nice grammer/spelling polish), but ya'll are kinda creaming yourselves a bit too much over it.Chill out bronies.
@StreakTheFoxMy number 1 rule regarding fandoms: You cannot truly predict, control, or dictate the actions and responses of a fandom in regard to ANYTHING even remotely related to the fandom's object of focus.In short, we fans love this story and we love Nyx. Live with it.
Celest's lapse in brain is likely a symptom of the very same Cutie Mark Failure Insanity Syndrome that the mane 6 suffered through at points in the first season. Nightmare Moon's return (or even the real potential of it) meant that the sun would stay un-risen (or the planet wouldn't rotate, but it's magic so stuff needn't be explained), which would effectively block her from her cutie mark-given calling. In turn, she turned into quite the despotic yet unwise monarch in the acute lead up to the resurrection completion – child snatching, inadvertently helping the cult, deceiving Luna via omission, and finally facing down NM personally in a greatly weakened and emotional state. This is the opposite of what she's usually portrayed as (when not being depicted as Trollestia).
@Bugsydor @ July 28 2:10 pmThat actually doesn't seem too crazy.
@C. Theron VulpinMaybe it isn't too crazy, but I think that the authors have something far more awesome in mind. I felt that my way of returning Nyx to being a little filly was a bit sloppy and close to Deus Ex Machina.
@StreakTheFoxWhile I feel that C. Theron Vulpin may have been a bit strong in his rebuttal above, I do have to agree.Of course everyone here realises the story isn't canon; we aren't idiots. I realise you aren't trying to bash the series, and some of your points about the quality of the story are very true.However the story also happens to be great fun, and further, for me, it's my first fanfic of the series. I can't see why anyone should call us out for getting so into it. A good story is a good story, and people should be free to try and get as much out of it as they want, it's not as if it's hurting anybody, so long as they don't begin screaming bloody murder on the authors for their choice of plot direction (constructive criticism aside).So.. yes, leave it out, I say. If people have found something they really, really enjoy, who are you to tell them not to? Heck, you make the point yourself 'just like any sort of fiction out there, it is exatly that. Fiction. Fiction of a fiction, no doubt'. This is true of all work, even the franchise we all love to bits. The simple fact is that fanfiction makes no pretense of originality, and once people have accepted that, they're free to have all sorts of fun.Further, the fun thing about fanfics, is the reader is free to choose their level of canon. Were I to decide that I want to consider this a sub-continuity of the show, then that's my look out and frankly, the only thing another fan has any right to do is tell me they hope I get more out of the root-work as a result. .. Well, that and recommend other stories I might enjoy.So I, for one, am not going to chill out. Roll on chapter 14!
Correction:Sorry, that should have been 'I realise you aren't trying to bash the story'
THIS is not about who is the best pony in socks. Obviously the best pony in socks is Luna. THIS IS POLITICS! VOTE NYX FOR BEST PONY IN SOCKS!!Unfortunately, I feel as if some of the people voting Luna would have otherwise voted for Nyx… as apposed to Fluttershy.Who is willing to make the propaganda?
@Batty GloomBlankets?You're kidding, right? No, that won't do. I can't just send you blankets.Here, have a mobile moon base, complete with internal climate control to make it as warm or cold as you please.@OmaticHey, that's not fair! How dare you come up with a theory that explains how Celestia's actions could be in-character after all!XPMeanie!(To be more precise, how dare you come up with a theory I can't refute? ;3)
@OverkilliusHonestly, I just find it awfully nice they were kind enough to add her to the poll at all. Though I hope she garners votes enough to warrant similar treatment in the future.
@BugsydorYay, Seth made the poll!I was starting to get a little nervous yesterday when I showed him the Trixie image I got Don_Ko to draw and he didn't answer regarding the poll.But here I am the next morning, AND I VOTED NYX!
@KillerowlI voted for Nyx as well. Unfortunately, she is trailing behind FlutterSocks by about 25 last time I checked. Somepony ought to put the pic I use for my profile pic through that election poster generator and then spam links to the resulting pic.
This started well enough.It is devolving through these later chapters to something rather disappointing though still not deserving of 'terrible'.But I would be here for far too long trying to explain properly why this is, so I won't bother.What I'm considerably more interested in commenting upon -and hopefully getting a bit of discussion upon : D?- is the reaction towards this. This fic is good, but there is far better on this site. Yet the reaction seems to be almost wholly positive in the extreme, and on such a scale that this cannot be accounted for in only the fandom's admittedly adorable way of exaggerating everything they take a liking to. Perhaps I see phenomena where there is little out of the ordinary, but this does seem to be an inordinately large amount of praise. I put forth that these proportions of attention are generated by people wanting to support the fic as a community for a few of the same reasons communities always enjoy acting together; pride of the 'if the whole community says it's so then how could it be wrong' sort, enjoyment of participation…Okay, I lied. I will comment upon the actual story – why so animu?Really, it's kind of ridiculous how it has accelerated and logic bends so that well-known and trusted cliches may come into play.Also the morals. Oh the morals being shoved down my throat, consciously or not.
>Hmm maybe I should read this story everyone's been hyping over and figure out who this Nyx pony is. >Suddenly it's 3:30 AM ~Scratch
@AnonymousWould you care to elaborate? I don't really understand what morals you are talking about, nor do I know what is cliche about it. Also, what the heck does animu mean?As to why people like this story so much, I am not entirely sure. My best guess is that it takes the readers through powerful yet genuine-feeling emotions. For example, Chapter 10 made me shed 3 tears while no other work of fiction has made me shed any, and Chapter 6's 2nd to last scene warmed my heart immensely. The story, I think, is primarily about the relationship between Nyx and Twilight Sparkle, and it focuses on that relationship and displays it well.There are other reasons why I like it, but that is one of the big ones. By the way, I was reading and loving this fic from shortly after the it was first brought to EqD and it had been lowstarred by people who didn't like the idea of Twilight getting hanged before they read the story. I can safely say that I am not just gushing because of the hype. Heck, I didn't even realize at first that these guys had written Better Living through Science and Ponies.
@BugsydorHmm, I cannot think you are entirely unaffected by the hype in your opinion but, hmm.At any rate, there is too many instances of cliche to elaborate upon. I shall just say that it is generally ridiculously predictable.And there is a certain genre of animated formulaic mush churned out of Japan that is absolutely adored by a fair amount of internet goers, it is interesting to inspect. This genre often tends to start off with episodic stories that are generally unremarkable – slice of life stuff. Toward the end of one of these typical series' life, the characters will become central to a plot to decide the fate of the universe which starts and then is wrapped up in a handful of episodes. This genre is what I referred to by 'animu'.
Quick question,if Spell Nexus decides to kill Twilight to harden up NMM, why would Twilight be publicly hung in broad daylight, instead of just stabing her or something silent? (She might bring back the sun out of kindness, and just say she was getting bored of the night as an excuse)
@AnonymousI fail to see the resemblance with animu.Also, who are you to decide that someone is affected or unaffected by hype. Sure, something becoming popular certainly influences one's opinion, but only to a certain extent; and some may not be influenced at all.I started reading this story before anyone had even started voting on it. And when I finished the prologue + the 3 first chapters I ended up loving this story. Sure, it's not perfect, and it has its flaws, but I rarely feel such emotional investment when reading a story. And that is why I love it.This fan-fic had made me care so much for the characters that I was getting sad before anything remarkable was about to happen; I could see everything coming a mile away but it still made me cry.In the end, I gave this story 5-stars, not because it's "OMG TEH GREATEST WORK OF ART EVER!", but because this story made me care.If this story didn't make you feel the same, then I don't really care. Everyone are entitled to their opinion and you are free to criticize the story as you see fit. After all, it's your subjective opinion.
@ULTRAMARIOXNo reply yer? that's it, somepony's about to get sent to the moon
Just a question. How do you upload new stories on to here? I think i have a good one. Just curious.
@AnonymousExcuse me for not knowing what I am talking about, but I am sure there should be something helpful in the FAQ which I have NEVER EVEN READ YET.Good luck on your story.
@AnonymousRead this:http://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/01/news-blog.html
@Uberkillius I typed in my name incorrectly. oopsie?
Has any one seen the Pianist? Hint Hint to an earlier comment.
So after that it will end up here on EQ daily?
@AnonymousIf the pre-readers approve of the story, then yes. :)Good luck!
OK. I can use MS word right?
@Anonymous
I never quite got this. What is an OC pony?
@OverkilliusXD < mfw When I forgot to type what I thought.I dunno exactly how it works. I am sure you can try putting it into google docs though.
@AnonymousI think you should use google docs or Deviant Art, it's easier to send.OC ponies are Original ponies, ponies that you made and are not part of the show.
@KillerowlAlso there is emphasis on Nyx is an OC pony… because Night Mare Moon is already in the show… I hope… My heart… she is broken.
How do you use google docs. shortcut on main google page?
@Anonymousdocs.google.com@OverkilliusNyx is an OC.
@KillerowlAnd I hope it stays that way. I don't need Night Mare Moon in here messing up my (EVERYPONY'S) story.
Hw do you put on deviat art?
Chapter 6…D'AAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWThat is all I have to say on the matter.
…..I want Nyx back…..
@AnonymousOC means Original Character. In fanfiction it refers to characters created by the author of the fanfiction, or by other fans.The original Nightmare Moon is not an OC in fanfiction, but Nyx is not exactly Nightmare Moon any more. She has a different personality (while not being just an alternate interpretation; like Trollestia is) and her own origin story (two origin stories, in fact: read Creeping Darkness by the same author (Pen Stroke) for more details), so she counts as an OC.Actually, she's kinda a half-OC, since she kind of is Nightmare Moon, in a weird way.
@ULTRAMARIOXAs to why the execution is public:There are a couple of reasons why he would do this. First, a public execution is a prime opportunity to make an example of somepony, a practice invaluable to despotic regimes everywhere. A second, more meta reason, is that it is less dramatic your way and it is harder to write somepony coming to a daring rescue from an assassination attempt than a daring rescue from a public execution. In other words, this would make for a better story since the authors cannot outright kill off Twilight.By the way, nice avatar.
@ULTRAMARIOX I forgot to congratulate you on your new avatar!It looks awesome! :DNyx is taking over!
Challenge for those who have yet to read chapter 12:1- Read to the part with Twilight holding Nyx's belongings near the start of the chapter2- Open this in new tab: "http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCuM9fUJAN8&feature=related", continue reading.3- You cry, you lose.
Nyx isn't as much a Mary Sue as a character with an epic background and a tragic life. The characters are nice and accepting of her do so out of their own kindness. The ones that are cruel/misunderstanding of her do so out of their own cruelty/misunderstanding. The way everything is set up, she isn't as forced as a Mary Sue would be. Having an interesting character, with an auspicious past isn't the same as having a Mary Sue. In my opinion at least.
Hahahahahahaaha i died while reading chapter 5 😀
This is the best fanfic i have ever read, rivaling even published works, and its not even done! keep up the good work!
May have shed a manly tear reading this…First week of August can't come fast enough
Still going, huh?You know, a part of me really wishes for a D.E.M. (See what you did to me, Bugsydor?) at the end of this story, which would make everything fluffy and happy again, but it wouldn't make any sense like that. I just can't see how this one's going to end anything but bittersweet. The good guys will probably win, but at a price, and that price is most likely going to be Nyx, herself. Since this story isn't super mega dark, I'm guessing it's going to be something like: "The world is saved, but I cannot be a part of it anymore. I'll miss you all. I love you all. Goodbye" if said trope has a name.-Moonlight Ballad, Bard of Equestria
I love this story. It really is great. Sat down and read the whole thing in basically one sitting today. It generally hits all the right notes, and it carefully wove the relationship between Nyx and Twilight in with the political intrigue plot. Nyx is a bit Sue-ish, but not really enough that I care.And now the part where I get flayed alive because of how popular this story is and I'm expressing criticism of it. Keep in mind that I was reading the PDF version created by Maximillian Veers on my PSP, so I don't know if some of this stuff was revised later:First, as planned out and detailed as this story obviously was from the start, it spends an inordinate amount of time on subplots that don't end up going anywhere.Pinkie subconciously recognizing Nyx immediately, for example, has an awful lot of time dedicated to it, and then nothing ever happens (this one I could let slide, because it is open to interpretation what it originally meant in the first place).Or Nyx revealing her power during the tug of war and all of the commotion that Twilight knew would come… which never came (and it never bothers to explain why it didn't come, even though there is no reason that it shouldn't have).Or, in Chapter 12, the huge fight between Celestia and Luna (which I knew was coming but still carried really strongly because of how well it was done), which ultimately ended up with Luna getting a bridge dropped on her off-screen. It seems pointless to put so much detail into these subplots when they aren't resolved or brought up again.Second, some grammar problems throughout. Not major ones, but occasionally really distracting ones.Third, the author sometimes doesn't seem to know the best way to play the scene. When he does, it works fantastically. Heart skips a beat, blood turns to ice-level stuff. The scene during the play was a really good one. The script for the play was another one. And he does it right the overwhelming majority of the time.But sometimes, it just doesn't play out right, usually because comedy was injected into a scene where it really doesn't belong. The scene with Trixie in particular contrasted hard with the situation. I personally don't think there should have been a single trace of comedy at all in that scene because of how grave the situation was, but it almost came off as being an attempt at outright comic relief of all things.Still, I'd probably 5/5 what has been written so far.
@TenchiFreak5^THIS is part of why I don't think this story deserves six stars.Maybe five if you squint your eye a little, but not six.
@TenchiFreak5Why would you expect to be flayed alive? We save that for that one anon who kept whining about Celestia being OOC ;).All of your points are more-or-less valid, as far as I can tell. I, for one, hope that Pen Stroke and Batty Gloom take up one of the people here's offers to go over the spelling and grammar in the story for them. Those errors can be a bit jarring at times.I can see your problem with the unresolved subplots. My best guess is that they plan to resolve those either later in the story via flashback, or through sidestories for the less plot-relevant ones. Lots of things seem to happen off screen, but I think that they do that on purpose so that they can move the plot forward without getting bogged down in details. I think that Var mentioned a good reason for this in a previous comment, but you are going to have to dig for it if you want to find it. I think that it was on the 2nd or 3rd page of comments, but I don't really know.I have to agree with you about some of the comic relief, though. Although having a 6 stooges act in front of Nightmare Moon didn't really break my sense of immersion, it did feel a bit odd.Thanks for commenting and respectfully pointing out the problems that you see. I'm sure that the authors appreciate it.
@SingForTheMoonAll according to plan…MWA-HAHAHAHAAAAAA!
@BugsydorIn regards to Celestia, I wouldn't say she is OOC, but I do think she was far too trusting when based on what has happened in the story there is no reason for her not to have known better.Now I might have read one of the scenes wrong, so please someone correct me if that is the case, but it seemed to me upon one of the later reveals was that the only pony who could have been in charge of the treachery was Nexus, because he was the one out in charge of Nightmare Moon's armor and it was used to try to resurrect her in the very beginning.And at the very least, if not Nexus than Celestia should have expected somepony/ponies in her senior staff of complicty and acted with more caution rather than being completely taken aback that there was any treachery at all.
@DrahcirAloer I've already downloaded the entire story thus far into a zip file of Word Docs. I'll be glad to send you Prelude through 6, or 7 through 13 for your 48 hours half-the-story claim, while I do the other half myself. How many people HAVE asked to help here, actually? Split evenly amongst us all, we could probably get this done in a couple hours, rather than days.
@Chaos KnuxHave a brief moment of internet on the moon, and wanted to warn you readers that part of the reason for the hiatus is that Batty Gloom and I are working on the chapters and their grammar. The currently available chapters are NOT the most up to date ones. We have also contacted a few people who are assisting us with pre-reading, and they are doing a bang up job, I assure you.
@Pen Stroke Okay, but I may still do some. Also to Chaos Knux, I was just going to re-read the story and write down anything I see. It is something to do, seeing as I just found the story today and read it twice anyway. Reading is sort of my special talent. Something for me to do in my excessive free time.
@Pen StrokeWell, good to hear that you guys are fixing the grammar issues and have found a team of dedicated pre-readers.Also, it seems that you have given me even more excuses to reread this fic (once the edits come out, anyhow). Thanks!
Well take your time better to take it nice and slow then rush things ;)Can't wait to read the new chapters when they finally come out!
I am willing to help set up a protest outside of hasbro until they make Nyx canon… just sayin. and Nyx in socks.. so adorable.
Oh, wow. This story is awesome!Dare I say that its better then Fallout:Equestria?
I don't cry. I NEVER cry. I don't think I've cried in almost 2 years. You, have broken whatever dam was blocking my tear ducts. After every installment, I'm always just completely shell shocked. I loved the first post, hooked me then and there. Next update was astounding. After reading most of these chapters, I don't think I could THINK properly for a good 10-20 minutes. It's all just…. wow.If the subject of music can be brought up again, there are two pieces that have stuck out to me since I first knew they existed. 1) "For the New Lunar Republic" by this guy http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sf0tYs5U5RI works perfectly for the Nightmare Nyx vs Celestia fight. It captures the sadness and strength of the whole scene all too well.2) "Luna (Dream Mode)" by Super PonyBeat should be the entire series theme song. The lyrics speak for itself.There's my opinion. I wonder how long till the parasprites rip me a new one for it.
Honestly, you should try and submit this for publication with Hasbro or something… it reads like a novel and has some of the best story line of anything I've ever read.
*pant… pant… pant…*This lapse… in updates… *pant*… was… the only thing… *INHALE*… that allowed me to catch up!*collapses*Seriously though, you guys update FAST. Which may explain all the grammar errors…Still great, though!*notices Pen Stroke's latest comment*Oh. Okay.
It was so cute. I just felt a massive warm fuzzy when she called Twilight mother.Broke my heart a few chapters later. I dislike you greatly right now, Celestia.
PLEASE update soon— the suspense is KILLING me!
Sock poll update:As of right now, Nyx is 2nd place, votes ahead of Fluttershy. Keep up the good work, bronies!
@SketchpadI can totally see For The New Lunar Republic for that scene. I have to disagree with your choice of "Luna (Dream Mode)", though. The lyrics to that song are just too specific to Luna and Celestia's relationship, so they don't really transfer over to Celestia vs. Nyx very well in my opinion. It's still a lovely song, though; my favorite of Eurobeat Brony's works.
Omg someone get Pen Stroke and Batty Gloom to stop partying on the moon and continue this story.
Why cant i read chapter 14?
Crap…I just remembered I have work. Oh well, Pen Stroke has it covered I guess. No editing from me.
I will fucking light myself on fire, all except for my hands, parading through my hometown with a handmade 'Past Sins!' flag with Nyx doing the Rainbow Dash esque salute. Pen Stroke, if you're reading this, I'm willing to kill myself if you upload more chapters.
@Ashton Sythis MekainHaha… haa… let's not have that, okay?
@Ashton Sythis Mekain We can't have people thinking bronies are crazy and suicidal, we have to be martyrs. THEN EVERYONE WILL VOTE FOR NYX. THE SOCKS WILL LAST FOREVER!!!!
Woah holy shit……I WANT TO SEE NYX AGAIN!!!!!!! will this end happy (nyx and twilight are reunited and shit???)
@Pen Stroke>brief moment of internet on the moonOBJECTION!*deskslam*So… you say that throughout these past weeks, you two have had absolutely NO internet connection WHATSOEVER?*takes confident pose*I'm sorry, but that's impossible.If you really have only breif moments of internet usage…*taps paper*…then WHY has your steam account shown you to be online for extended periods of time this week?!THEREFORE, Pen Stroke,*points finger at you*You have been lying to us this entire time!http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=itjqw06IFlg
I listened to this while reading the storyhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nd9qQiwhP5UIf it hadn't been posted already
@Not A Good Username 360That's because Steam is so awesome it doesn't even need internet to function on the moon. Either that, or they've found Luna's wireless network.
@ActionScripter9109See it is funny because I launch my internet with steam. XD
Confound those banishments to the moon! They drive me to wait!Well, everything is super-duper-extra-magnificent cool on this fanfiction. The story itself, the characters' behavior… but Celestia seemed a little… cold, though.My eager for the next chapters will never be contained. Everypony is hungry for moar!
Does first week in August mean a definite new chapter on Monday?
This is stunningly beautiful… I just speant the past three days reading every single chapter to catch up with everyone. Brilliant, and I mean BRILLIANT!!!!!!!! Forget about all of the grammar errors, there's not enough to really factor into this fic's score. Every character is in character, every moment, every paragraph is engaginging, and the main character herself is sympathetic and well crafted. Even if the rest of this fic was complete sh*t, (WHICH IT MOST DEFINATELY WASN'T), the scene where Twilight let's Celestia take Nix, only to realize how stupid she was and attempted to retrieve her was HEARTBREAKING!!!!!!!!!! GOD I'm STILL crying after reading that… This deserves the 6-star rating it already posseses, in fact it surpasses it like only a few other fics have been able to.Also, throughout the chapters I listened to Higurashi's Main Theme (Piano and original version), Elfan Lied's Lillium (Saint, MOKA, and DVD versions), and a few other songs. I just wanted to share in the, "I listened to this-" discussion… >_>
Having read EVERY BLOODY COMMENT on this thread, I can safely say that I am clearly insane.;-pThat said, I have a Wild Mass Guessing that I want to run by you all. I won't bore you with an Ending Theory, because ether Nyx returns to normal (Philly or adult with purple and stardust hair), or Twilight becomes an Alicorn (becouse EVERY story has a 50% chance of turning Twilight into an Alicorn). This theory is for the climax of the story:No matter what happens to Spell Nexus (stopped, absorbed the Corruption from Nyx and become Nightstallion Nexus, etc), the problem remains of how to purge the Corruption from the Cultists, the Royal Guard, and anyone else that got mixed into this mess. The obvious answer, The Elements of Harmony, can't be used because Twilight is afraid of hurting Nyx. Likewise, a stand-in (see Trixie) can't be used because ALL the Element users need to share a connection, otherwise the power just dribbles out a little and smells funny. (Name that reference!) The answer: Nyx and the CMC get a Big Damn Heroes moment! Now, assuming that Nyx DIDN'T pull a Heroic Sacrifice and turns Twilight into an Alicorn, she will most likely end up with the CMC logo(tm) as her Cutie Mark….those following along at home will quickly notice a fatal flaw in this theory. Nyx + CMC + Twist = 5 Ponies. We're back to where we started. We still need someone close enough to all five of them to act as our Sixth Ranger. So, I ask you, my fellow Bronies, who am I overlooking, here? How do I make this Theory work?
@starcat5Isn't it obvious?DINKY DOO!
I've read a lot of comments about this getting a sad or grimdark/sad tag towards the end but I have a question to those people; Have you forgotten what normal is? This is so a normal story and should stay as such. It has its up and down. Its vary cute at times and vary sad or dark at others. This story so far is the most normal I've read (although I haven't read many Fanfic's)Just because its taking a darker turn doesn't mean the story as a hole is sad or dark. It just means its going through emotions like any story should.I'm not calling anything about the ending, I don't even want to think about an ending to this story, its too good! I wish it could go on forever ;.;
@Chaos Knux Seconded!
@starcat5Diamond Tiara or Silver Spoon, seeking redemption!
This story is like mainlining pony.Seriously, I am more excited about Chapter 14 than I am about Season 2 at this point.Nyx is amazing, and I don't like her being Nightmare Moon 😦
@OmaticNope.avi. I am pretty sure that those two exist, both in canon and in fanon, so that we have acceptable targets to channel all of our hatred towards. Besides, what element would either of them take?
@starcat5How about you post that Wild Mass Guess on the Wild Mass Guess page? It's not like you need to run those sorts of things before us. :p You can always edit your WMG after the fact, after all. Now post this to the WMG page before I have to steal it and post it for you!"Every story has a 50% chance of Twilight Sparkle becoming an alicorn.""Even the ones that don't involve her?""Especially the ones that don't involve Twilight Sparkle!"
@OmaticI'm quite sure that those two will never be good ponies. At least on this fic….unless "Stupidity" is an Element of Harmony now.
@BugsydorI think the probability is 60% now.
@BugsydorIn a twisted way, they could take the element of laughter.
@BugsydorI wasn't saying Luna dream mode as Nyx vs Celestia. Though it does require a bit of a stretch, as it goes through each section of lyrics, I'm picturing this progressing throughout the story…. That made sense, right?Also, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon can both take a flying jump off a cliff.
Nyx beat Fluttershy for second best pony in socks!!
@AnonymousYes, and it spawned a massive OC character debate/fight/hate-fest. Oh well, I do not regret voting for her.
@DrahcirAloerI am actually surprised that there was such a reaction to people liking an OC pony… A reaction similar to people liking MLP: FiM in the first place.Anypony mind explaining to me why anypony (Seth apparently included) even cares that this whole event with Nyx in socks happened?
@OverkilliusIt may have been one anon, it may have been many, but he/she/they didn't like that an OC was even included on the poll and he/she/they started hating on the fic, even though they didn't read it and were just upset that Twilight is being hanged in the picture. It just sort of happened. The chaos of the internet I suppose. I think a better explanation can be found just by reading the comment section of the results post. Also, anons need numbers, like on the google docs chat so we can tell them apart.
Gaaaahh! Noooooo! I just realized that my weeklong trip in the woods without internet starts tomorrow! I'll miss the update!!!
Long live Fluttersocks! Down with the usurper New Nightmare Moon!Pfft, hah, I'm just messin' with ya. 🙂 These things are just par for the course with popularity contests. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon eat your hearts out.
@AnonymousThat's terrible. I am so sorry for you. Look on the bright side, maybe the story will do multiple updates within a few days and you won't have to wait in between them, you will be otherwise occupied.
First off: Pen Stroke, don't rush this. I will rather wait, and although many here say they can't wait, I know we will rather want you to work out any quirks in the story before publishing it. Take your time, and know that when you do post new chapters, we will love you for it. (not that we don't already :p )Anyhow, I am just thinking of one thing right now, how awesome wouldn't it be that after season 2, they animated the best fanfics. That means, Past Sins, It's a dangerous business going out your door (and dear god I hope he'll make a sequel to that one where the other 3 ponies get awesomeness as well), some chapters of Progress maybe, and other fanfics (haven't read that many yet). They already got the stories, and I got a feeling EqDaily will market it very well, so it should at least break even. And it would be awesome.One can hope…..
Wow. Beside the occasional typo, this story is amazingly written.Keep up the amazing work, guy. And as a few others have stated, I can wait an extra day or three for you to work the kinks out.
Well, just re-read Ch.6…. God, every time I get to the part where Twilight agrees to be Nyx's mom… I need a minute…*Sheds a few manly tears*
I think I found a good song for when Nyx is in the old ruins, having all those freaky memories."Breaking the Habit" by Linkin Park
I just read 13 chapters in one sitting. This is my favorite fan fiction so far. Keep up the amazing work.
I need an update for this before I loose my mind…
This is a really great story, no lies. But I have a feeling Nyx is going to end up dead or banished at the end. I won't like that ending.
@AnonymousCalm down! This is Pen Stroke and Batty Gloom we are talking about, not Joss Whedon. There's a reason this fic doesn't have the Sad or Grimdark tags.
You know, I forgot to say before..But the reason I like this story. It does have flaws, and some fairly major ones, but it addresses the theme of family, one I wish the series would touch on more and one of the things I find most moving.It's the same reason I liked Figure17 (an anime) despite some of its curious narrative and thematic choices – at its core, it's about being given a twin sibling.
Say, how do people get these custom pony pics, like te one for Nyx up at the top of the page. Is it fanart, or is there like some sort of random pony generator somewhere on the internet, because that pic looks like it could've been taken from the show.
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This comment has been removed by the author.
@Portaljumper339The image looks like it could have been taken from the show because it was made using vector lines (I believe) in programs like Photoshop or Inkscape. They result in a very recognisable style.However, there /are/ pony generators kicking about. The picture I have by name was made by one; I'm using it until I can find time to try to draw my Florentine properly. Here: http://generalzoi.deviantart.com/art/MLP-FiM-Pony-Creator-Beta-210228500Ugh, sorry about the triple post. I'm still not used to how the reply button works here.
@Anonymous'how awesome wouldn't it be that after season 2, they animated the best fanfics'It would be.. but unfortunately as we all know, the intellectual property bit's a nasty business. It's hard to determine who owns what and who should get what, and as a result companies are wary of letting their writers even look at fanfics sometime, lest an element in a fanfic turn up and result in people claiming work was stolen, intended or not.But you're right, it would be wonderful. The only way I can imagine it happening, however, is if they approached the writers with a contract stating they waived rights to the fan-work in question and all profits derived from it (although I suppose if the fanfic included a statement to that effect already.. hm). Well, or ran a competition we could submit stories to who entry terms included a similar clause.I don't know, copyright law's nasty and all that, but yeah one can hope.
I would love to see this type of story in a my little pony movie.
@starcat5 I think you should've realized you were insane from the moment you started using TV Tropes terms outside of TV Tropes. It WILL ruin your life, after all…Lampshade Hanging FTW.
@NotAGoodUsername360TvTropes Will Enhace Your Life.Or that's what it did for me, anyways.*sigh*I STILL need to make an account there and become a true troper.
Poor little Nyx has so many haters. :c
Just noticed something that slipped by me first time through.You two constantly used "casted", and while it appears that word is real, you've used it several times where just "cast" would suffice. It might be a difference in dialect, but I've only ever heard "the roles had been cast" not "the roles had been casted". Really it just hits my ear wrong when I read this aloud.
@theuncalledforI believe the page that you people mean is TVTropes Will Ruin Your Vocabulary. Anyhow, getting known there is very quick and easy. All it takes is coming up with a name and a password.
@BugsydorI was just opposing the ridiculous statement that TVTropes Will Ruin Your Live.Is there a trope page for TVTropes Will Enhance Your Vocabulary? Because there SHOULD be. X3
@theuncalledforUnfortunately, there is no such page…yet.
Read all 13 chapters in one go. Its.. well.. I am speechless.Anyways, this deserves to be made into a full length My Little Pony Movie.Can't wait for the next chapter.
@theuncalledforYou're not the only one, buddy.
I Voted for Nyx. Five times.
I just got Fridged. I shall use a chess game as a metaphor.Celestia played White, Nexus Black.Celestia's fatal flaw in her strategy was simply this, she didn't keep all the white pieces informed of the strategy.Assuming Celestia is the White King, Luna would probably be the white queen, Twilight a white rook, the other members of the fellowship 5 other back-row pieces, and the spell-deciphering committee would be the pawns.Nexus's black pieces would be the Children of Nightmare, Himself as King, the "Exalted" members being the back-row, and oll others the pawns.Then there is Nyx. As a filly she is a white back-row piece, let's say a bishop, and she is the black queen as NMM. Celestia's error was that she didn't know her pieces, the rook and bishop, Twilight and Nyx, were close, and needed to be played around each other. Celestia forsook her Nyx-Bishop to one of Nexus's Pawns, a pawn which then made it past Celestia's defenses and upgraded into the Black Queen, NMM.And yes, I just posted this for the sake of posting and it began to be a ramble around the time I first used the word strategy.
those comics ;_;
Need… Update… Now… Please!
I read this all in one sitting, and it was awesome. This story is Celestia-tier, as they say.
ok, here is already august, why is this still not updated :(waaaa, I can't wait
Patience is a virtue… Patience is a virtue…… You know what? BUCK YOU, VIRTUE, I WANT MAH NYX, AND AH WANTS HER NOAW!… Just kidding! I just couldn't resist! XD I'll wait as long as I have to! 8D
Pen Stroke will deliver. I will wait. The anticipation is KILLING ME, but I'll wait. Now back to drawing Past Sins fanart.
@Chaos KnuxYour metaphor sucks.Sorry, but it does.It makes no sense and is confusing as buck.A metaphor is supposed to make things easier to understand, or easier to picture in your head.This one just overcomplicates everything to the point where it loses all meaning.On a more positive note, to balance out all this negativity, I like your avatar picture.Don't think I don't mean that. Because I do.
@theuncalledforWell, it made sense to me…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=c0y4IrxhNgoITS MY PONY AND I NEED IT NOW
@ActionScripter9109 Confound these fanfics; they drive us to distraction!
I doubt that I can ever be afarid of nightmare moon again after I have read your story; but thanks. The story reminded me that there is a good side in everyone.
MAN, the stress is KILLING me!! I am literally dying from this samshdgfakfsjdgkhjsasbv… Sorry, slight stress related cardiac arrest
… And now the never ending pressing of F5 until dawn's next light shall begin.
the only fic that has evoked emotion even close to what this story has is the vagabond, very well written story all around.
@DrahcirAloer… Summarize the comments? … Why? Why are the comments so important? Just read the story and you can judge it for yourself…
SPOILERS BELOW!==============================================imho the best thing about this story is the excellent pacing. much of the story is just nyx living happily with twilight making friends, getting into trouble and just growing as a character. all the while, the thought that it is is all so fragile and that something is going to happen eventually, tearing at the back of my mind, and all the close calls making it all the more intense. I guess what I'm saying is that I greatly applaud the author for taking so much time where nyx was just a simple filly. allowed me to get truly attached to the character and her relationships with the others (especially twilight). making it all the more terrible and heart wrenching when it all came crashing down. Pen Stroke, you filled my heart with joy, and then you ripped it out with tragedy, and I couldn't be happier. Amazing story, Bravo, Bravo.
Sooooooooo…It's 4 minutes to midnight here. Then we will see just how long this takes to update.
@wigglesI couldn't agree more, the deliberate pacing is really what clinched this story for me as my favorite fanfic ever. We got to see Nyx as she got older, matured as a character, came to form tight emotional connections, and overall develop as a chracter. It was wonderful watching her grow, but it was truly devestating for me when it came apart (I really cried at the end of Ch. 10). I just pray that this works out well for all in the end, because I think, deep down, Nyx is scared and confused at what is going on around her. Well, let's hope this gets updated soon, as it is now officially August 1st where I am.
@Portaljumper339"I just pray that this works out well for all in the end, because I think, deep down, Nyx is scared and confused at what is going on around her."Yeah, that's the general consensus from what I can tell. @DanielThis is one of my posts from before I figured out how to change my Blogger settings. Go to it and read for a deconstruction of Nightmare Nyx.Or better yet, read it on the new Ponychan thread.http://www.ponychan.net/chan/fic/res/33868.html#34004
@DrahcirAloerActually, Fallout Equestria has more comments at the moment, ranking in at about 1700 last time I checked. We'll surpass that soon enough, though.
I'm pretty sure that somewhere along this giant wall of posts, the authors said it would be the first WEEK of August, not the first day.It's a piece well deserving of all the fans including myself, that are anxiously waiting for the next installment.Fear not, my friends! The stars are aligning, and the moon will, once again, release its prisoners soon.-Moonlight Ballad, Bard of Equestria
@BugsydorParticularly with the impending update coming some time this week.@Chaos KnuxWell, when you get to the nitty gritty of it, wouldn't that be how you would feel? I mean, imagine being ripped from those you love, then being told that you have to be evil to those you care about most, when all you want is for everyone to love you like you love them. That would be pretty scarring for such a young filly.
@SingForTheMoonWell, it probably wouldn't hurt to have the stars align a little faster. I understand that they have been doing a great job, and the last thing they need is the fandom getting greedy, but they have been off for a week, so let's just hope the update is sooner than later
Alright guys it's the first week of August. Update plz.
@AnonRight there with ya buddy!
Soooooooo…re-reading the fic and listening to Winter Wrap Up on an endless loop…. Dudn't get better than this.
I just cannot cease to be amazed at what an emotional ride this story has taken me on. It's so evocative in such a pure way. Maybe it hits a soft spot because I'm a parent, I don't know. Still, if someone had told me a year ago, I'd be sitting misty-eyed at my computer over a story about ponies, I'd have given them a very strange look. If someone had told me 4 months ago that I'd one day be enamored by NmM (or at least a version of her), I'd think they were crazy!And yet, here we all are, on this emotional ledge, hoping wholeheartedly for this little filly, born of fragments of the one creature in all of Equestria we would never imagine we'd care anything about. We saw her come to life, we watched her grow, and face her trials, and we believed in her every step of the way.I think it's quite impressive that this one little character, has become so endearing to the fandom that she has generated an all out conflict on how we view OCs. Yet, I hardly see her as 2-dimensional. The community itself has fleshed her out and accepted her. You need only look at all the artwork already starting to appear, to realize that.@Pen Stroke and Batty GloomYou have given us a wonderful story, and out of it, a character we can all fall in love with. No matter how this ends, I doubt anyone will ever forget your beloved Nyx. I know I won't.-Moonlight Ballad, Bard of Equestria
@SingForTheMoonYou hit the nail right on the head. No matter how this turns out, I highly doubt that anypony will View NMM, or OC's the same way again. Nyx is truly the pinnacle of a lovable character, and while she may be trapped as NMM for the time being, the Fandom will always remember her as that charming and curious filly with the black coat and dragon eyes. I have prayed that this fic ends happily, but even if it doesn't, I will always be their to defend Nyx's good name.
YAY!! 1500th comment
I really like this story, but I have to say that it seems to have gotten so big that I think it may just be overrated.Nyx is great, the plot is solid(although I feel faltering slightly with the return and build up of NMM), characterization is going quite well, and I look forward to every chapter release. Grammar is off fairly often, but I've heard that's in the process of being fixed.All that said, this story is deserving of 6 stars. But I don't think it's the best fic on the site by any means, which some people seem to believe. It's good, very good, but there's much room for improvement. Whereas, there are several(mostly short)fics on this site that are absolutely perfect. I guess what I really want to say is Pen, Batty please don't let success go to your head. You've created something wonderful here. And you have the potential to blow it right out of the water. Never stop trying to improve yourself.
I finally decided to track down who this 'Nyx' character was that started popping up everywhere…I started reading without any idea of what I was actually getting myself into. Holy crap! I've read through all 13 chapters so far! This really yanked my emotions all over the place!I'm absolutely loving this story so far! Keep up the amazing work! 😀
I'm happy to say that the tropes page for this work is coming along nicely. The examples section has more than quintupled in size since I first put the darn thing up, for one thing.I'm a little concerned that I might be editing other people's entries a bit too heavily, but I don't think that I have stepped too hard on anybody's toes just yet.Anyhow, I just now improved a previous entry in the CMoH section by extending the quotation from Chapter 6 to increase d'aww exposure to more hazardous levels.
LOL itchy neck XD
@AnonymousI know, right? I would love to play Pyro alongside her in TF2. I bet she never gets backstabbed.
I wake up to see that it is August first… and NO UPDATE?!?!?! WTGROFLMAO?!! jkBut seriously… I can hardly wait for this update… I just hope with my super high expectations that my opinion of the story doesn't go crashing down… I hate when that happens with games.
Alright, update, where are you? I've been waiting since midnight…. Srsly though, I'm gonna let them take their sweet time, it's probably a long way back from the moon, and the trip certainly isn't the most eventful.
Just finished reading this up to date and couple of things:1) Oh great more fuel for my hatred towards the Celestia. I mean come on that whole taking Nyx away like that was just too cruel even for her.2) Damn nice work with characters. I usually dislike OC characters specially if they are in major role. But Nyx is just so well written and likable that it feels natural to have her in the story. You also really made me hate the bad guys like Nexus (and Celestia and SS/DT) so good job with that too.Overall this is one of the best fics I have read.Sure fics like Spark/To Be An Alicorn are more intensive/emotional but this one has just right mix of feeling Sad/Fearful/Happy/Hope to keep up the suspense without causing the reader to lose the hope that maybe all can turn to better.5/5
I shed a tear when Celestia came to take Nyx ;_;
@RiffBronyI've already read the story, I just usually find funny things in the comments. These are just too many comments for me to search through. I like to know the opinions of others and the debates that may or may not have happened before I found the story. It's an obsession of mine…
I remember when Ch 10 came out… after that I remember that I hope Celestia suffered. I hoped she realized what she had helped to unleash and that she suffered for it. Now I kind of feel sorry for her burning on the Sun… (this might have something to do with how I see the brony community. Throughout this story I couldn't help but feel that the cultists represent the brony community and Celestia represents the rest of the world… not necessarily just the haters)
After distracting myself from Past Sins with other 6-start fics i have to say you, know its a good fic when you feel something inside you. Right here is a good example. I guess the word is drama, anyone remembers those TV dramas your grandmother keep watching? How the keep ending with a cliffhanger every episode? Well i kinda see that in this fic, theres the constant tension, the oh god o.o feeling, though im not comparing past sins to those cheesy dramas no im only saying that as an example. But this is only my view of this fic how its very addicting. though that just one part of this fic theres also the solid plot, the accuracy of characters but im no expert in that. Though cant wait for the next update 😉 here hoping for a happy ending!
I can't hate Celestia for what she did. This is for a few reasons. (WARNING POSSIBLE SPOILERS AHEAD)1.She was afraid that the greatest evil to ever walk Equestria, an evil that required the Elements of Harmony to defeat both times, had been reborn.2.She was not aware of just how close Twilight and Nyx had gotten. Had she known that she would have found a way to let Nyx stay with Twilight without putting anypony in danger in the future.3.Both her and her sister were locked away in their respective celestial bodies, so she already got punished for it sort of.
@DrahcirAloerI felt she was somewhat justified, but it pissed me off that she was so ignorant and practically brought Nyx TO the enemy.
@AnonymousI understand your hatred for Celestia at this time, but you have to try and see things from her perspective. AS a monarch, she is in charge of all of Equestria, not just placating one pony. She thought that she was honestly doing what was best for the country, and shouldn't be demonized for it. The one thing, however, that she could've done differently is explained what was going on to Nyx instead of having her rounded up like a common criminal. As a bonus, it would've been a good opporotunity for her to get to see Nyx as somepony other than NMM, which could've changed the whole story.Great Job, PS and BG, keep it up!
I just thought of the perfect song for when Nyx gets turned into NMM and proceeds to chew everypony out"O Fortuna" which is a part of the score to Carmina Burana. The big part at the start is for the Transformation, the quiet part for when shes chewing everypony out, and the final loud part for when she disowns Twilight and leaves.
Ok its August, so wheres my Update?!?!jk though, Id rather wait a while then have a badly rushed story.
@DrahcirAloerThis story is AWESOME!No it's not.Meh, have seen better stories.You're insane, it's the best story EVER! *add some arguments for all sides, most of which are valid, some of which are not*Celestia acted out of character in chapter ten!She did NOT!Yes she did!No!Yes!*again, arguments for both sides, most of which are valid*Added this to the tropes page, added that to the tropes page, WMG, Tear Jerker, Crowning Moment Of Heartwarming; Am I a Troper yet? No you're not. etc.Nyx is a two- or even one-dimensional Mary Sue that is completely overrated and shouldn't be liked by the fandom!BullSHIT! She's an awesome character that deserves all the love she gets!Well, she has SOME Mary Sue traits, but that doesn't make a her actual Sue…*add good arguments for the side defending Nyx and basically nothing solid for the obviously wrong "Nyx is a Mary Sue!"-side*I think that covers like most of the comments so far. For details please consult the entire comments section. *predatory grin*
Why cant I post any comments? Is is moderated so it gets checked before it gets posted? Its already like the 5th try to post something.—–With all the talk about what music would go with what part of the story… how about Disturbed – Hauntedhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=43asjI9C4F8Kinda fits the NMM part of the story although it depends on how you interpret the music. Comments?Also I wonder why no one has made a drawing of NMM hugging a Twilight doll yet. ———–And so once again CPS (Celestias Protective Service) barges into a home to grab a child away from their parent because of some made up reasons to give it straight to a child abuser. Its almost like in real life.
Pen Stroke, Y U no update?
@theuncalledforGreat job on the summary. That captures the essence of the last few pages pretty well. It kinda leaves out the first page, though.The first page basically boils down to this:Waa! I don't wanna see Twilight get hanged. Now I'm gonna low-star this story because of that.Pen Stroke: Don't worry, she won't die. There's a reason this isn't marked as Grimdark or Sad.Woot! This story is totally awesome and needs to be 6-starred!Pen Stroke: It's pretty hard to get 6-starred…Story: *gets six-starred*Fandom: *rejoices*I think that's basically how the first page of comments went.
@BugsydorOops! Forgot to mention the people who said that the cover art would compel them to read this fic even if the blurb weren't interesting as all get out.
I really like this story, in fact it's the best story I read in my whole life, well, I only read like 10, and they where all MLP fanfics. :DF5…one minute later.F5…….:\
I wonder if this is going to get an update and then Seth won't post it in like… a day… he does that for PMV's I'm not exactly sure how fanfic updates work though.
@OverkilliusWhen Seth get's the update, he better insta-post it. But if he doesn't we could always just wait for the chapter 14 link to be edited into chapter 13.
>"Past Sins will resume updating in the first week of August.">First week of August>No updateUsing Valve time, Pen? Really?I am disappoint.
@Ace2401Why didn't I think of that?Now I am pressing F5 on a different internet page every 5 minutes.
@Not A Good Username 360I agree using Valve time is cheating, unless it's me using it :DPen Stroke, we need our allotment of Nyx, and fast!
Kssst kssst kssst.Oh. Gud. Finally, a stable connection.Gud news; ze verk ez coming along smoothly. I believe zhat you will like et, though et might not be…vhat you vere expecting…und I mean zhat en a gud vay.Also, I reiterate…we said first veek of August, not first day en August. Our banishment ez not on a fixed time table like zhat. Dun't blame me, blame…vell, I shouldn't say vhile I'm still on ze moon.Und to answer somevun's qvestion…ja, we do get Steam on ze moon. Et ez ze only stable internet connection we get up on here. Apparently Luna uzes ze moon az a summer home und ez un avid gamer. Who knew?
Deutscher Akzent? haha nice.
Oh! Need more Nyx! PLEEEEEAAAASSSEEE!
I love how, even though this hasn't updated in a week, it is still the most popular post on this place
Celestia damn it, folks! Do the math! The update, which will include spelling and grammatical corrections to the existing chapters, technically isn't due until 11:59PM, Equestria Standard Time, this Saturday. As long as it shows up before then, it will be on time. Pass the time by reading less fortunate stories, like "Controlling the Weather". That one needs more stars anyway.
When Celestia came to take nyx away I was hoping for Twilight to go sunset on her flank, but hey in the end Celestia is on the sun, but poor Nyx :'(PS:This is looks like a mild grimdark sad fic
PEN STROKE AND BATTY GLOOM,Y U SO GUD AT WRITING STOOF?!?!
@AnonymousWe write lots, lol.Also…en case anyvun vaz wondering… zhis eez zee official song I vaz playing on repeat vhen I vaz writing zee Nightmare Moon resurrection scene en chapter 10.http://fighunter.bandcamp.com/track/governance-de-magi
@Batty GloomAw cmon man xDAh well, it'll be worth the wait
How many chapters are you planning to write?
Wonderful Story! Nix is an awesome character.
@Batty Gloom That doesn't excuse you for using Valve time… How would YOU like it if YOUR oxygen supply that needed to be replenished every 4-9 days only came every 10 days?
Also, we've lost our position as Most Popular Post to Fallout Equestria!!!EVERYBODY, SPAM F5!!!
@Not A Good Username 360Don't worry I am. Not for getting the most popular post though. I want the new chapter the very second it comes out. I am obsessed and that means Pen Stroke and Batty Gloom wrote a good story.
I just looked, and we have more ratings than Fallout: Equestria, but they have more comments. Oh well, you can't have everything all of the time.
Amazed that Past Sins lost the most popular space to Fallout, I'm sure that when chapter 14 is added, it'll go right back
Ok, as to why I chose "You'll Be In My Heart" by Phil Collins from the Tarzan movie, I felt the situations were rather similar. In the movie, Kala found Baby Tarzan abandoned in a treehouse. In this story, Twilight found Nyx abandoned in the Everfree Forest. Both were taken in and were raised well by their respective "mothers", in spite of what anyone else thought. A closer look at the full lyrics might give you a little more of an idea as to why I chose it.Seriously, though, I'm getting tired of the wait. I'm usually a really patient guy, but I HATE when a story, movie, show, comic, or whatever ends on a cliffhanger.
Why is trixie's hat in the picture with the defeated elements of harmony?
@ Anonymous: Well, gee, let's think about that for JUST a second! She was their substitute Element of Magic, remember? It's showing when she took the Elements, and then, Trixie was with them. So… Yeah.Also, the update should be along by Tuesday night/Wednesday morning! Apparently, I'm one of the only active/useful Pre-readers, so… XD Anyhoof, PLEASE just hold out a little longer! I only need to go through chapters 7-13, and then the new chapters! We should have our update in just a day or two! I SWEAR I'm working my best on it! I want to know what happens JUST as badly as all of you, so thank you for your patience and dedication! I am seriously going to call in sick to work tomorrow to get the corrections done if I have to! (Yes, I am THAT dedicated to this story!)
@Nightsong Why do you say such things!?Um… cough… public announcement time:Nightsong, while assisting us as pre-reader, does not represent the feelings and timeline held by me and Batty Gloom. We appreciate the efforts of all our pre-readers, for its through the edits you've been making that Batty and I are learning what to watch out for and what things we need to make sure are correct.And the timeline for this stories update is still the 1st week of August, and I can make no guarantees or promises beyond that. Batty and I are working hard and with the help of all our pre-readers things are moving along more quickly.Still, at the moment, expect the update in the later half of the week. Thank you very much for your patience in this matter.
@Batty GloomAm I the only one who was reminded of Ocarina of Time's Shadow Temple by the music you posted?
@Batty Gloom Pen Stroke also has a good connection to the Deviantart servers… but enough about that! How's the weather up there (or lack thereof)?
@AnonymousAs difficult as you might find et to believe… eet eez not so bad vunce you get past zee cold. Believe eet or not, zee Equestria moon eez not like zee earth moon. Zhere eez actually zomezhing rezembling an atmozphere und even zome plants; not very gud eating but zhey do. Zhat und zomebody I forgot lent us a mobile moon base… dun't know vhere he got zomezhing like zhat but at least eet eezn't as cold with eet.Naow… eet eez time for sleep… becauze tomorrow eet eez moar verk to be done.
just started, on chapter 2, holy fuck this is cute
@BugsydorDude, I didn't even REMEMBER the first page.That's, like, ancient history, man.So thanks.
@Batty GloomSo that moon base thing actually arrived? YES! My teleportation spell worked!Wooohooo!
@DrahcirAloer"We"? Don't you mean Pen Stroke and Batty Gloom?
@Not A Good Username 360i enjoy both these fics, was that not allowed?….
good fic, just read every chapter in one sittingstill enjoy Fallout:E the mostbut you just beat progress for me5 stars
@RiffBronyWhen I said we I was refering to people on the comment page for Pat Sins and they was refering to the comment page for Fallout: Equestria.
@AnonymousIt is definately allowed. Wasn't one of the Brony rules of the internet if you like a rival site, share it? I think the same can apply to stories.
@DrahcirAloerFor zee record, Pen Stroke und I are BIG fans of Fallout Eqvestria.
Well, now that my laptop has recovered, I have something more to add to my previous statement:I am an idiot. I won't say much more past I'm sorry… The longer I talk, the more excuses I'll make, so that's about all I'm going to say. I tried to correct my mistake, my laptop overheated, (From my stupidity, more likely than not) and left it up to Pen Stroke to clean up the mess I made, when he is insanely busy enough as it is…To all of the other pre-readers, I am very, very sorry… I started out (In my mind) give reasons for everypony to be patient, but instead, I ended up insulting a lot of bronies who worked just as hard, if not harder, on helping Pen Stroke and Batty… I am really, really sorry… From now on, I'm just going to shut up, and stay away from posting ANYTHING, unless told otherwise by Pen Stroke or Batty, because every time I open mouth, I end up inserting hoof.So… I'm sorry, everypony, for all of the trouble and everything I've caused… That's all I've got to say about that…Nightsong shutting up now…
this is amazing i cant wait for the next update but it has been a while anypony have any idea when it will update ?
@Anonymous Did I ever say it wasn't? >_>…actually, I haven't gotten around to reading Fallout Equestria, even though I even PLAYED Fallout 3 AND read 1984… I guess the number of chapters and OCs scared me off of it.@Pen StrokeSo, you really ARE using Valve time, eh?! Well, TWO can play at that game!*looks up where you're getting your oxygen supply from**phones them*…yeah, hi, I have a pile of money here that would like to request that you hold back on your scheduled delivery of oxygen to two fanfic writers on the moon for about a day or two past the maximum wait time… yes, just long enough for them to start feeling the suffocation getting to them… no, I don't want it to be fatal… yes, that's right… yes, I can pay that sum in cash… yes, yes, yes, NO! Yes, yes… alright then. Thank you. *hangs up**trollface grins*Problem, Pen and Batty?
@Nightsong Don't feel bad, and don't beat yourself up for it! Trust me, I know how you feel…Besides, that's NOTHING compared to some of the stuff I've done as a member of Thinking With Ponies… as I'm pretty sure Pen can attest to. *nervous laugh*Hoof-in-the-mouth is really, REALLY hard to avoid when you're a contributing part of something you love! Don't worry, you'll get over it, and in the future, only share info that has been announced already!
I love the story, but Celestia in Chapter 10 threw me into a rage. "If you carve a statue from stone, it is stone. If you carve a statue of clay, it is made of clay"BULL. FUCKING. SHIT! Nobody goes to the Statue of David becouse it is made of stone. The Stone is irrelevant, a medium for the art but not art in and of itself. If the beauty was in the rock Michelangelo would've just placed the uncut stone on a pedistol and called it "Michelangelo's rock". NO! The Beauty is in the curves, the craftsmanship, and the hard work the artist put into each chisle. In this metaphor, that would be Nyx's freinds, morals, and Twilight's mothership respectivly. The stone merely determans the Resiliance of the art, it's resistance and it's strength. Or in other words Nyx's powers, life expectancy and strength. And none of those things determan who a person IS, just their physicle attributes.
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I just have to say that I really love this whole thing. It's a wonderful story and I can't wait to get more of it. I found Past Sins through Nyx's name in the "Who looks better in socks?" poll and have fallen in love with it so much. All I can say is, well done both Pen Stroke and Batty Gloom, you've captured the essence of what the show stands for: well developed characters. But, one thing that I was really disappointed with was that Fluttershy was pretty much on the back burner of the whole 13 chapters! Other than the tree thing, she got no play in the story at all! I mean, all the others of the Mane Six got play time:Pinkie Pie got wonderful play time with her "twitchy-twinchin'-twitch" sense; Applejack was played since she was sister to Applebloom; Rarity was the biggest with her keeping the secret of Nyx AND acting as sister to Sweetie Belle; Rainbow Dash got played with her love of Scootaloo; and, well, it's about Twilight's relationship with Nyx. Fluttershy was pretty much left out. She didn't have a speaking role until Chapter Six, had the least amount of dialogue of the Mane Six, and was just barely mentioned throughout those first six chapters! I'm thinkin' somepony doesn't like Fluttershy all that much!
@AnonymousA retraction! Admittedly, I did a pretty half-assed job reading this comment the first time around, but I guess I'm just programmed to not take arguments prefaced with "BULL. FUCKING. SHIT!" very seriously.You are taking the meaning of this metaphor way too far. Yes, a statue is far more than just a stone, but at the same time, it is still a stone. Just like Nyx is far more than just Nightmare Moon, but she is still Nightmare Moon, and this is proven to be true when she, well, becomes Nightmare Moon. Celestia was kind of right on that one. You can't sit there and say "Celestia is wrong" when she was 100% correct.
@RaxusIt was never my intention to leave out Fluttershy, but sometimes that's just what happens.But, then again… the story isn't over, is it?
@Batty GloomI'm curious… what's up with the German Akzent?
@Not A Good Username 360Vhat problem? Did you miss zee post vhere I explained zhat zee Eqvestrian moon actually haz air? Or zee post about zee moon base generously given to us by theuncalledfor?@Vadios83Becauze I can. Zhat und I decided mien reprezentative OC pony shall have vun. Becauze ack-zents are fun to type. Naow, I just need to wait for a commission to come on through….
This is a good story, but more than a little over-hyped. The plot is great, but the delivery not so much. Not to say I don't like it, because I do, but there are better stories out there that just don't get as much attention because they don't have all this hype.
I cannot WAIT for the next update!I wish Nightmare Moon put the other 5 in the dungeon with the same condition like Twilight (good food, etc.) so they could talk. But I am loving this. Seriously, I bet you could make a FORTUNE if you sold REAL books of anything! You are an excellent writer 😀
This fic makes me like Nightmare Moon/Nyx. It's really heart-broken to see her change… But this is where good character development… Comes to shine. Especially Nyx. ;w; I can't wait for the next chapters, for this will be my only pony fanfiction i'll read in a long while. Oh and lol @ Trixie Elements trick. I want to see this as some comic. :VP.S. This may be weird, but I somehow have this crave for Twilight x Nightmare Moon pairing. ._.;;;
@Batty Gloomare you a spy disguised as medic?
Ok. I got bored and read through Better Living. First, let me repeat what I said over there:"Caroline! No! Not again!"More relevent, however, is that I don't remember Joe England, of Zebra Girl fame, plugging that fic. Celestia above, if I had known that he had a paw (He usually depicts himself as a rabbit, so paw, not hoof) in something like that, I would have discovered EqD much sooner. And from that, I would have become a Brony much sooner.I really should check on that. …later. I should have been in bed two hours ago, and I work tonight.
@Batty Gloom You said it had a bit of an ATMOSPHERE. That does by no means mean that air is safe to breathe. Those plants would probably have no use for oxygen.Furthermore, even a moonbase needs a steady supply of fresh air coming in. I imagine that the deliveries were being paid for by the same person who gave you that moonbase, so you probably haven't received a delivery yet. And now you won't until you've suffered a serious case of CO2 poisoning.There are other scientific reasons why moon air, even if it DID have an atmosphere, would be deadly, but I doubt you intend to sit here and listen to a lecture on science.
@Not A Good Username 360Not vhen we are dizcussing a magical world of talking ponies.Or do you want to lecture me on haow Dash's Sonic Rainboom verks scientifically? >:3
Guys! The Sins are coming! It's the first week of August, and even I'm on the edge of my seat! Let's hope we've got some many new chapters for what we've missed out on!Go Pen Stroke!
@anonymous I'm more excited for season 2 than for the end of past sins, or for Chwe Goleadau … but whatever.
@Batty Gloom I wasn't aware that you and Pen Stroke were magical talking ponies… after all, we ARE talking about you two, no?
@Not A Good Username 360As far as you know.(Okay, not really, of course, but Pen Stroke and I don't take ourselves very seriously on the internet and neither should you.)
@Batty GloomNO! Don't tell 360 not to take himself seriously on the internet! We were just starting to get him shaped up for the Portal mod team! *Twilight Rapidash mode*
Anybody remember that time that some anon thought I was the Author of this fic? That was hilarious.Anyhow, I'm still eagerly awaiting more of this excellent fanfic. I am probably going to read through this again sometime soonish to look for more tropes…aw, who am I kidding? I'll likely be too distracted by reading to look for tropes.
@ActionScripter9109 Oooh… pretty fireworks… *gazes in awe*
I need an update. I feel hungry and empty.
It's wednesday already here and even fallout has updated(I don't know why but I thought you would update before kkat)why do you do that to your fans? D:
@AnonymousMy guess is, that as the anticipation builds more people will bring up Nyx and the story in other places, spreading word as we try to fill the void that is left by the story not updating. That increases their popularity as more people become curious about this fic. I realized it a few days ago and I must say they are geniuses for doing this. That and they are working really hard to bring us quality. Actually, It is more likely just the second one.
Bahahahahah!Ahh. Yes.http://ponibooru.413chan.net/post/view/40778Someone made a parody of my comic. >flutteryay
@ Sparkler: Thank you! That just made my night! XD That's DEFINITELY my lol of the day! Ahh… *Goes back to work*
And tomorrow I am going to go stir crazy with nothing to do except wait for the story to update. Maybe I'll go to a friend's house…
Hellboy's got it right. It takes too long for characters in this story to act rationally.
This wait has begun to be a drain on my finances. I bought Sonic 3, Mickey Mouse Castle of Illusion, and No More Heroes 2: Desperate Struggle. All just to fill the time. AND I ALREADY HAD ALL FOUR GOLDEN SONICS!
@SparklerI think that that coming might have been inspired by an entry into the WMG page for this story. I approve of this comic.
BULL. FU-nah just kidding.I guess it's kinda a diffrence in philosophy. I firmly believe that a person is intellecually and physicly determaned by Genetic traits. While philosophically and moraly determaned by their envirement. So while Nyx has the cabability to be Nightmare Moon, her personality's very diffrent. And thus I do not consiter her Nightmare moon. If anything she's more Nightmare moon's identicle twin sister. She's got the same 'genetic' (for lack of a better word) makeup, and thus has all the same cababilities, but even the slightest diffrence in upbringing leads to wildly diffrent results.And that basicly means Princess Celestia isn't even trying to consiter helping raise Nyx herself, or with Twilight, or just Twilight with close supervision. She's outright trying to murder Nyx, without any justification other than "Nyx has the cabability to become Nightmare Moon." And you can't prosecute somebody becouse they 'could' do something wrong. At least, you can't and still call yourself a fair ruler.But I figure you have some diffrent idea of what makes a person who S/he is, which I suppose would probably nullify most of my arguement. Whatever. Just waiting for the next update makes me irratable.
@Chaos Knux4 Golden sonics? are you saying you got super soinc 4 times over durring your wait for more Nyx?
@SurogunerNo. The four Golden Sonics are Sonic 1, SOnic 2, Sonic 3, and Sonic & Knuckles
@Chaos KnuxDid you ever play the Sonic Adventure games?
@DrahcirAloerYes, They constitute 50% of the silver class for me.Genesis Quartet: GoldenAdventure Pair, Heroes, and Shadow: Silver Everything else before Heroes + Unleashed: BronzeEverything after Heroes – Unleashed: Shit brown.I haven't played Colors, so it doesn't factor in at all.
For the love that is all good and Fluttershy, plleeeaaassseeee update. I'm trying to become a recognizable name on ED, but I literally cannot wait much longer for this story to update. I'm actually becoming anxious. Once the story is updated and (I don't want to say it) finished, I'll calm down and give my review, but for now, PLLLEEEAAASSSEEE.
@Fifth AlicornWhy do they have to finish in order for you to be a recognizable name on this website?
@RiffBronyMaybe he feels like nopony will pay attention to him until they stop hanging on Pen Stroke and Batty Gloom's every word?Alternatively, he could anxious about what will happen to Nyx to the point that he can hardly think of anything else and therefore can't make himself do anything noteworthy until he can stop being Pen Stroke and Batty Gloom's obedient mind slave.Also, Woot! seven full pages of comments!
@BugsydorYou comment here a lot. Just curious, are you just a very devoted fan, or a part of the story itself? I can never quite tell.
@RiffBronyJust a devoted fan with a lot of time on his hands as his college semester winds down. Also, this comment section is fun to watch. So much interesting discussion happens in the downtime between updates. Maybe the frequency of my comments is what made that one anon think I was the author…I kinda wish I was part of this, but what could I contribute? I could proofread, as I have some talent for that, but Pen Stroke and Batty Gloom already have plenty of those.However, I am the brony who set up the TVTropes page for this story and have been fairly active on that front, so I guess I am part of this in a small and indirect way. If you check the update history on the trope pages, you will find my name there a lot. Another guy who has contributed quite a bit to the tropes page is Var, by the way. I owe that guy a brohoof.
@BugsydorHaving the main character as your avatar isn't helping matters. XD But no, seriously, it's great to be a devoted fan.TV tropes page, eh..? Think I'll go check that out.
@RiffBronyHave fun with that. Be sure to tell me if you see any missing tropes or things that could be improved, or better yet, make those changes yourself.
@RiffBronyI apologize, you misunderstand, mostly due to my incoherent ramblings. What I meant was that I'm hoping to keep a cool, calm exterior when reviewing stories, and don't want to sound like a whiny [insert appropriate Rarity reference] fanboy waiting for his fix. However, I cannot help it much with this story, thus the unfortunately obnoxious "please"s. :-)Hope this makes more sense~Fifth Alicorn
3 days into august and still no update….
@Batty GloomYes they are fun… I was just wondering. Ever read the Girl Genius comic? Those Jägers have a pretty thick one too, kinda hard to read even.But why write 'mien' instead of 'mein'… I know 'mien' is how English speakers would pronounce it but it just looks so wrong. For a German at least… I wish I could write in that accent but its kinda hard juggling with 2 pronounciations in my head… but I do can write like a German who knows the language but has never read a English word before… bat no inglisch rieder wudd anderstennd watt ei wudd sei.Btw what does OC mean… never saw one explain that to oblivious people like me…. own character?
@Vadios83OC – Original Character
@Anonymous July 25, 2011 11:05 PM I know this is a way-ass late response, but consider that Celestia had been outmaneuvered by the Children of Nightmare. Hard. She likely realized she could have been misinformed, and that her enemies had been in on a lot of, if not everything, she had been doing.It makes sense in that context for Celestia to offer what she thought had been a complete monster a second chance – even moreso when her guilt over her actions had led to her inability to sleep restfully for days on end.Give Past Sins!Celestia some slack.
Hmmm. It's been a while since I contributed in this comment section… Well, here goes.Nyx is awesome!There, now I can return to the shadows until the next update is here.
I'm really hooked now. All I can think about is this story- can't wait for it to be updated!
On to actually commenting on the fic itself:This is beautiful. Nyx quickly became one of my favorite characters… And yes, Celestia's actions in chapter 10 bother me, but possibly for the exact opposite reasons of most of the people who comment on her.I think if anything what bothers me is that I can relate to it too much.I understood exactly why she was so dead-set on her course, and while I know she was wrong due to the details in the story I've read up 'til this point, Celestia can't break the fourth wall like Pinkie Pie can.If anything this flawed take on Celestia just further cements her as my favorite pony and further enshrines her as an epic iron woobie in my mind. Her response to Luna's chastising hit the nail on the head, while still cementing the fact she's in the wrong (and knows it, too).Celestia-related gushing aside, I really look forward to seeing where this goes. The fact that Nyx still doesn't have her cutie mark is clearly important, as is the role of choice.I'm hoping for an epic Fullmetal Alchemist-style Earn Your Happy Ending, but whatever the resolution, you've earned a fan here, Penstroke and Batty.
Add me to the list of anxious bronies waiting for an update on this EPIC story. No dashface does it justice.
you guys who can't wait for the end of the story disgust me.Arddun Lleuad is 20% cooler than this.
@AnonymousI can wait for the end.I just can't wait for the next part.I only mean that my personal hope is for a difficult but ultimately happy ending.
@AnonymousNot according to the ratings. Hell, if you want to go with 5-star vs 6-star, then Past Sins is LITERALLY rated 20% cooler than that other story.
No new chapters! ON THE FIRST OF AUGUST! D:
So when Celestia took Nyx back to Canterlot, why didn't Twilight simply teleport there? Is it a question of lacking magical power (because I'm sure this story said that strong emotions increase magical power, so Twilight should've been able to teleport to the bleeding moon), or was she too shaken to consider it or something?
@RedingoldIt was said strong emotions effect magical power, not necessarily enhance.That and by the time they were in Canterlot it would have probably been too late to do anything, particularly for a single unicorn surrounded by the entire royal guard ON TOP of Celestia. The logical part of her brain probably just won out around then, around the time she saw the carriage containing her baby disappearing.
@LumenPonyAlexanderAh, that makes sense. I was actually asking that question on behalf of someone else who was too lazy to ask it himself. I had a vague idea of an answer, but you've summed it up much more eloquently. Thanks.
@RiffBronyBu-bu-but…!?WHAT?!CORRECT?!Are you SURE you read the story?Because, while Nyx is TRYING to be Nightmare Moon because that's what is expected of her (she pretty much outright stated that that's her only reason), she is NOT doing a very good job of it. She is not Nightmare Moon, something that defined Nightmare Moon is missing from her and other things have been added.And the arguments of the anon you opposed are completely valid. You tried to refute them, but you spectacularly failed.Celestia was as wrong as you are now.@Not A Good Username 360Actually, that base can recycle waste air and biological waste to create food and breathable air, just like the terran biosphere. It all runs on a large nuclear fusion reactor, so as long as there's enough hydrogen there as fuel, the base needs almost no extra supplies. Now I don't remember how long the hydrogen supply will last, but it's at least a month, maybe even much longer.@Batty GloomWell, obviously, when a pegasus nears the speed of sound, a magical energy build-up occurs at their front hooves, creating that sizzling fake mach cone. The closer they get to the sound barrier, the pointier the cone becomes, looking like a real mach cone (if those were visible) at supersonic speeds. When failing to break the sound barrier, the energy is released as kinetic energy, rebounding the pegasus as seen in Rainbow's failed attempts. When successfully breaking the sound barrier, the energy is released in a ring shaped magic energy cascade. Now I'm guessing that the cascade wave ring is a color combination significant to the pegasus that broke the sound barrier, or it's decided by the colors the pegasus is wearing (clothes or mane/fur respectively). But it could just be rainbow colored no matter who pulled it off.Or maybe a rainbow mane is the sign of a pegasus who's able to pull it off? Maybe the energy cascade releases temporal energy, changing the pegasus' mane to a rainbow mane in both future and past (thus making a rainbow mane the sign of a pony who pulled it off/will pull it off)?Whatever, back to the obvious and observable: once the sound barrier is broken, the magical energy is rerouted back to the pegasus, DRASTICALLY increasing maneuverability by canceling inertia, as well as creating a colored streak attached to their mane.
@SparklerIf only Hellboy could say that to Nyx. T.THeck, if only us fans could say that to Nyx!If I was, like, a ghost in the story-verse, I'd haunt Nyx and ask her why the FUCK she's cuddling a stupid Twilight plushie when she can cuddle the real thing instead.Just pretend like she's torturing her in there if she's not comfortable with admitting her true feelings yet or something. Seriously, she's like the queen now and she's hugging a pathetic plushie for Luna's sake.@AnonymousBetter word than genetic makeup: soul structure. Remember the soul mirror? It showed an image of Nightmare Moon. But again, a certain something that made Nightmare Moon Nightmare Moon is missing from Nyx, while new components (her filly memories and everything that entails) have been added, making her no longer Nightmare Moon.@AnonymousWell YOU disgust ME, mister Stop-Liking-What-I-Don't-Like!You could've said something respectful that still represents your opnion of the story or its (in your opinion) overappreciation by the fandom, but NO, you had to be a douchebag instead.You should be ashamed of yourself, mister!@everypony who complains about the "misinformation" *coughbullshitcough* regarding the updateGuys, what the hay.What the hay, guys.Seriously.GUYS.What the HAY.They said first week of august. Until the end of the first week of august, you have no right to complain about the update, unless you're complaining that the end of the first week of august is too late. They did NOT break their promise (yet?).
@RedingoldGranted I'm not affiliated with Penstroke or Batty, but it seemed to fit, to me.Glad to help though.
Hey, I just discovered something.Many of you probably know this already, but what the hay, I'm telling anyways. In case you didn't know.Okay.So when somepony replies to a comment that's not on the same comment page, the link doesn't work. But you can MAKE it work by changing the page number in the URL to the appropriate page number. I'm mentioning this because I just replied to a shitload of comments that are on the previous page of comments and not on this one. So change the page number in the URL and it should work.
@theuncalledfor:Lol.For some reason that comment made me think of my girlfriend. She uses ponyisms in casual conversations.One day I'm sure she'll accidentally do it out in public, and when people inevitably stare, I'll shout "WHAT THE HAY IS EVERYPONY STARIN' AT?!" so that she can run in the confusion.
Oh consarnit.Now I have a mental image of a ponified Edward Wuncer III shouting "'HAY Y'ALL LOOKIN' AT?!"Quick, someone ponify him and Gin Rummy.
@ BugsydorBrohoof right back atcha, brony.
@LumenPonyAlexanderThere is no risk of that happening to me in real life, because I live in Germany and speak german all the time. And even then, everypony that could hear me speak ponyisms either doesn't understand english/doesn't know of the show's existance, or already knows I'm a brony.And on the internet I'm pretty open about myself (save for my real name, that's a SECRET). Everypony can know that I'm a deeply perverted furfag that loves MLP, MLP fanfiction and (well drawn) MLP (and furry) porn.For the record, my being a furfag and being a brony are pretty much unrelated. Being a brony doesn't make me a furfag and vice versa. (Though I did learn about MLP on a furry site, I think while browsing porn.)Also, I'm using the word furfag because that's what the haters use (beat you to it, HA!) and because it sets me apart from those furries that DON'T like furry porn. I understand they make up like 50% of the fanbase? Seems hard to believe, though how would *I* know?Well, whatever.
Can't wait for chapter 14! Must know what happens next! maybe it will update today. F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5
@theuncalledfor: Dude, what does it tell you that my callsign is basically a ponified version of my Lumen Sage OC for the Bayonetta universe? (An Alicorn, obviously, but only because Umbran Witches and Lumen Sages are COMPLETELY OVERPOWERED as a general rule)But yeah, I think you and I will get along just fine.
@LumenPonyAlexander: I am PROUD of you, sir, for you are one of the few, true, gentlecolts! As long as there are stallions like you around, chivalry shall never die! LONG LIVE CHIVALRY! *Salutes*
@Nightsong: Bahahaha, thanks. > W< But now I feel like I'm detracting from the discussion of the awesomefic. o no
@LumenPonyAlexanderUnfortunately, that doesn't tell me anything because I don't know what a Lumen Sage is because I've never played Bayonetta (though that game DID look freaking awesome when I watched a review of it).Sooo… your character is an alicorn, hmm?Click my name, look closely at my avatar picture.Maybe check my channel on YouTube.My avatar character is an alicorn, too! But that is because she is on the way to ascending to godhood, as all abominationslayers are.Don't worry if you've never heard of abominationslayers, I'm making them up. If I wasn't such a lazy bastard, I'd write a fanfiction with them in it.
@LumenPonyAlexanderCan we continue this conversation somewhere else? Because you're right, this doesn't belong here. But I don't know where, so maybe you have an idea?
@theuncalledfor: Can be summed up in one video.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lc7RbvG3zJ0I usually stay away from Alicorn OCs to avoid Mary-Sue-ism, but you have to agree that an Alicorn is the only way for that level of over-the-topness to work. Also, feathered wings.But I love Nyx. > w< Even if she isn't technically an OC, she is the the best OC Alicorn evar.
@theuncalledforWhile I do find that somewhat disturbing, I think I can still accept you. Just don't tell us if you find anything involving Nyx, OK?@Var:Thanks! It's been a while since you've left a comment here, and it's nice to see you again. Have you done any more research for the tropes page lately? I think I've been kinda slacking off on that.
Well, it's a new page. I guess I'll make my presence here as well, until something more relevant comes up. There should hopefully be something extremely relevant within the next 72 hours.@BugsydorHow much more did you add to to the tropes page since my 5-hour adventure? Also, I forget if you had a direct link to it. There seems to be this 6-page wall of text to weed through to look for it. *grins*-Moonlight Ballad, Bard of Equestria
@theuncalledfor…Who the hell are you? Why are you just going around bitching at every comment you can? Did you READ my comment? I didn't say a DAMN thing about her personality. All I said was that, since she was made of Nightmare Moon, she is still, physically, Nightmare Moon. She has Nightmare Moon's memories. She has Nightmare Moon's form. SHE IS NIGHTMARE MOON. She might be a GOOD Nightmare Moon this time around, but she is STILL Nightmare Moon, and Celestia has every right to be worried about that, given that it was impossible to tell if Nyx would grow up to be good in the end. Shut up, and leave me and my comments alone.
@Bugsydor: Hey mang! Great work with the trope page. It's actually the main reason I'm here, aside from my girlfriend. I had heard unsettling things about Celestia's role in this fic but I'm glad to find out that her actions, while they didn't go over too well, were misguided, not reasonlessly cruel.So yeah, if not for you I might not have been so easy to convince to read this thing. And I'm happier for it.And yes, I stayed up all night not only reading the fic, but the comments section, as well.All nine pages.
@theuncalledfor Oh, whoops. Missed this comment.Uh, actually, got no clue. o no
Somepony should make a flash movie or cartoon based on this.I think it was really great so far. 😀
@LumenPonyAlexanderWow, what the hay, that is AWESOME.Wow, I guess EVERYTHING in Bayonetta would be an alicorn, then? I mean, WOW!Seriously, that game looks awesomely over the top.Awesome.@BugsydorNice to hear that. I don't really understand why that's supposed to be disturbing, since I'm not hurting anypony (THAT would be disturbing, and WRONG), but okay. Love and tolerance, right?@RiffBronyI am theuncalledfor. Nice to meet you! ^.^I'm not bitching at every comment I can, I just make it known when I strongly disagree with somepony. And if you read the rest of that long comment you will notice that in many of those replies I actually agreed with the other. Yes, I DID read your comment. I disagree with you, because the anon made good points and I don't think he took the metaphor too far. He already made his points, I don't really have anything to add to that and your arguments against his points are utterly unsatisfying.The personality IS Nightmare Moon, without that personality a being isn't Nightmare Moon, even if it is a copy of her soul and body. I can even back that up: In the show, Nightmare Moon was a corrupted Luna. The body wasn't what made her Nightmare Moon, though; it was her drastic change of personality. If Luna changed back into her Nightmare Moon form for whatever reason, but didn't change personalities again, she would still be Luna in a modified body.Nyx was supposed to be a copy of corrupted Luna, thus a new/resurrected Nightmare Moon. But while copying her soul and body succeeded, her memories were lost and her personality wiped. This allowed her to develop a new personality, untainted by the memories of Nightmare Moon. Also, Pen Stroke seems to agree that Luna was changed, at least partly, by an outside influence (I can't back THAT up, though). This influence doesn't seem to be present in Nyx, but in the shards of Nightmare Moon's armor, brainwashing the Children Of Nightmare.So you see, Nyx is not Nightmare Moon any longer, and kind of actually never really was. She is the product of a FAILED attempt at resurrecting Nightmare Moon. Even finishing the spell only partly resurrected Nightmare Moon (because her new memories and personality wasn't overridden), she is already dying inside Nyx.Yes, Celestia had every right to be worried, I never said she didn't, but she wrongly assumed that Nyx was Nightmare Moon. The evidence wasn't enough to justify killing the filly (or brutally ripping her from Twilight's home while the latter is too shocked to think clearly for that matter). She had good intentions, but she was WRONG, even given her limited knowledge.I will not shut up, if I think that somepony is stating obviously (or even not so obviously) wrong things I WILL oppose them. It's called a discussion (or debate). It's what we are having right now.@LumenPonyAlexanderHow about YouTube?Or does Equestria Daily have a forum or something? Never checked for that…
@SingForTheMoonWell, you could just google Nyx Past Sins and the tropes page ranks pretty highly on the results, but here is a link anyway. I am not sure when you took your 5hour adventure, but here is more-or-less its current status. The main page has about 37 different tropes listed, it has a growing WMG page, the CMoH entry has grown a little and been edited somewhat and it now contains a bigger excerpt from Chapter 6, the Tearjerker entry hasn't changed much from its inception, the YMMV page has grown with very little involvement on my part, and the CMoF page was recently started with the FlutterTree scene.Anyhow, I googled Nyx Past Sins again for kicks and giggles, and found some kinda interesting stuff. Somepony has started a Tumblr page for aggregating things relating to this fanfic, but it isn't all that far along just yet. Somepony else created a Facebook account for Nyx. Also, there is a Yahoo answers page where somepony is wondering who the heck Nyx is (as a result of the sock poll), and it has yet to come to a resolution. Feel free to help that brony out.
@LumenPonyAlexanderYou mean to say that…I…actually…had a positive impact on someone's life? And I helped bring somebody new to this fic? Not sure the best way to say this, but: Yay!~ /)^3^(\
@theuncalledfor: Not necessarily everything. Celestia knows what Jubileus and Queen Sheba would be.And I suppose Youtube makes a good place to shift the other convo if you really want to continue it. I can't guarantee I'll be able to continue long: I skipped sleep tonight in an attempt to reset my sleep schedule.I fall asleep at 8am most days.I'm HeroOfTheHolySword there, and I'm still on the Balder battle I linked you too for the moment.@Bugsydor: Heee, glad to brighten your day a leedle.
@theuncalledforBut she was created literally out of the essence of Nightmare Moon. She was born out of the only "physical" remains of Nightmare Moon. And these remains give magical blessings to those who touched them (different colored eyes and whatnot) so there is clearly evidence that it is, somehow, Nightmare Moon. At least the essence of Nightmare Moon is what Nyx is made of. It really isn't that hard of a concept to grasp.And, yes, you can back whatever you say up with the show, but we are talking about this story, which is an alternate reality from the show. And I can back what I say up with that; the mirror reflected Nightmare Moon when it was shone on Nyx. When the spell was completed, she became Nightmare Moon. The spell, in this story, was designed to recreate Nightmare Moon, not a Nightmare Moon look-alike. The spell, while only partially completed, created a little filly, that if it was not for Twilight Sparkle naming her "Nyx," could only really have been known as "filly Nightmare Moon." You can't really bring up the show as your "proof" when the two things are written by completely different teams, independent of one another.
In any case, we are arguing from two different points of view. You are arguing from the show's point of view, which could usually be considered the better view, but I am arguing from this very story.
@theuncalledfor: Batty made it pretty clear early on; There's no longer any distinction between Nightmare Moon and Nyx. There is no separation between the universe's equivalent of Satan and the little girl we knew.But this is not a bad thing.The Nightmare Moon the Mane Cast knew early on was born of jealousy and contempt.This Nightmare Moon, however, was cleared of those memories and got to have a loving childhood, however brief.That makes all the difference.
@LumenPonyAlexanderI assumed she (he? Batty sounds like a female name, but I seem to recall somepony reffering to her/him as a male, maybe he/she even said so herself, I don't remember properly) was using the same definition for Nightmare Moon as RiffBrony; a definition I disagree with and that I am not using.Again: to me, Nyx and Nightmare Moon are personalities of the same soul/body combination.And if Batty DID use my definition, then Batty was LYING. Nyx is obviously acting like Nyx, not like Nightmare Moon.
@theuncalledforNow this is the kind of stuff that keeps me coming back to this page! Noms another handful of popcorn and hits F5.
@BugsydorStop fattening up on popcorn and join the debate already! ;P
@theuncalledfor: That's because Nyx is Nightmare Moon.Nightmare Moon is Nyx, Nyx is Nightmare Moon.Nobody's winning or losing inside her head. What's happening is a scared, confused little girl is being forced to choose between what's expected of her and what she really wants, in her heart, to be.But then, I had always assumed the Nightmare Moon of the show to be an Eldritch Abomination (in the Cthulhu Mythos sense) that latched itself to Luna's misery in an effort to push forward whatever strange Eldritch Abomination agenda it had. Presumably a slow mass death by starvation and oxygen deprivation would somehow empower it.
@theuncalledforCan I fatten up on cake instead? :DSeriously though, I've been watching this debate, and you guys are both arguing from two separate but valid definitions of Nightmare Moon. I'm all for a good debate, but I have to ask, what are you guys trying to prove?
@Ace2401: I'm not really trying to prove anything personally, I'm just enjoying the chance to gush and swap canon interpretations.For example I tend to interpret the initial Banishment such that Celestia was only a filly at the time, barely older than Twilight Sparkle and the Mane Cast, and her magic wasn't quite up to snuff.Definition of a desperate situation.
Well whenever the update comes I hope it won't happen when I'm at work cause they blocked everything with https so no google docs until I get home.
@Anypony here who's played Bayonetta: Am I the only pony who's reminded faintly of Cereza whenever I look at Nyx, by the way?
@LumenPonyAlexanderI agree, that's always fun. What I meant though is how does your different definitions of Nyx/Nightmare Moon affect how you view what has happened in the story so far, and how does it affect your view on what you expect to happen next? As in, what are you trying to prove about the events in the story?
@Ace2401: Ironically? I think we're trying to prove the same thing; That Nyx has a chance to turn her life around and redeem herself, because she doesn't WANT any of this.That said, the initial conversation seemed to be about Celestia's level of guilt in the events to come.I, however, come from the (fairly unique, it seems) position that yes, Celestia was wrong, but that her reasons were understandable and it doesn't make her a horrible pony. She did a horrible thing, yes, but she sees that, she even tried to give Twilight's way a chance after seeing how spectacularly her judgements and plans had backfired.I'm a Celestia-loving pony if anyone is, being in love with everything Solar, Angelic, and Knightly… And I could really see perhaps disconcertingly into her mindset.Noteperson, earlier on, hit the nail on the head. And I can't honestly say I wouldn't have acted just as irrationally in Celestia's horseshoes…. But yeah, I don't think that theuncalledfor and I actually disagree on anything.
@theuncalledforThe plot is the same, as interpreted by the author, which is not always the same way it is interpreted by the readers. And yes, Nyx is made of Nightmare Moon. That is ALL I AM TRYING TO SAY. And as somebody else, pointed out, it seems the authors are using the same definition as me. So, in the terms of this story, it is right. You might think that the show would handle it differently, but we are talking about the show here.
… Except whether Nyx and Nightmare Moon are separate entities, of course.
@theuncalledforPours bowl of goldfish for self.Ok, I'll try my hand at this.You are both right, but you are talking about different things using the same words. According to the authors themselves, Nyx is indeed Nightmare Moon. She is Nightmare Moon the same way that I was still me before I became a brony. There has been no great amount of physical change, and our basic personalities have remained more-or-less the same, but our outlooks have changed to some degree. In other words, she is a Nightmare Moon who has learned about empathy and is coming to terms with that.I'm not sure if anybody shares my definitions of good and evil, but here they are: It comes down to how you treat other people. If you see other people as agents unto themselves with lives and desires of their own and the right to live their own life, then you are good. If you see others as tools to serve your own ends and have little to no regard for what happens to them beyond how it affects you, then you are evil. This Nightmare Moon is no longer evil, as she now genuinely cares about people beyond herself; while she was evil in her previous incarnation because she wished for eternal night so that everypony would give her the attention she felt she deserved, not caring that it would doom the world to starvation.Admittedly, my definitions come partly from my religion and partly from my own rather…chaotic upbringing (those of you who have been reading the comments already know that I would have much preferred to have Twilight Sparkle as a mother), but I feel that they are valid nonetheless.Nightmare Moon's personality isn't dead, she just had a paradigm shift (read: HeelFaceTurn). Her original motivation for bringing to pass the night eternal didn't really transfer over from Luna, however, and she cares too much about other ponies now to actually want to hurt them. In that sense, she has changed.@TheUncalledFor's calling out Batty Gloom for lying:I say that the personality remains, but with differing experiences guiding it. Try to imagine what you would be like had you been taught that other people exist only as tools to be used for your own advancement rather than as real people who have as much right to exist and achieve their desires as you do?Well, there are my two bits on this philosophical discussion on the nature of magical talking ponies and what constitutes their identities.Noms a handful of goldfish.
@LumenPonyAlexanderYou aren't alone in your interpretation of Celestia's actions, as that has been my stance on it since I first read Chapter 10. Just makes it even more heartbreaking and dramatically ironic, if you ask me.
I would also like to apologize to you, theuncalledfor, for my initial harshness. I let my real-world anger out on a stranger on the internet, and that was wrong of me. I guess you could say it was rather… *puts on sunglasses* uncalled for.YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH
@Bugsydor: I can't even see it as out-of-character for her.On top of the fact that Nightmare Moon's original dominion would have killed EVERYTHING, it was also the creature that stole away her one-and-only sister – the only other pony in her life that wouldn't grow old and die on her – away from her, for a thousand years no less. Even more, it's heavily implied that the banishment would have been FOREVER if not for the Stars.Her uncharacteristically emotional and irrational behavior was pretty well-foreshadowed with her trying to 'protect' Luna from even learning that anything had happened – understandable and perhaps even arguably noble, but misguided, much like the act of taking Nyx away.She was likely too scared to see that she was doing the same thing to her faithful student that Nightmare Moon had done to her.
@LumenPonyAlexanderI was referring to RiffBrony as well, but whatever.Yeah, Celestia's level of guilt (and OOCness) seems to spark a lot of conversation and debate. I do not see this as a bad thing, either. Her actions were pretty… polarizing. You seem to have come to the same conclusions as I have regarding Celestia. I would also like to add that it is evident that she fears Nightmare Moon on an almost irrational level. However, that is understandable since Nightmare Moon took away her sister. In any case, I'm just trying to keep the discussion here going. How else are we supposed to bear the wait?
@ BugsydorBeen busy irl, so I haven't been working on that lately. It's looking pretty good though!
@LumenPonyAlexanderI don't understand why you said those first two lines/sentences. I thought I made it clear that I use different definitions for Nyx and Nightmare Moon than you seem to do.Of course nopony is winning or losing, because they are not fighting, at least not in the way that two seperate beings could fight. These are personalities of the same soul, and the new memories and experiences they had as filly Nyx are destroying what's left of Nightmare Moon('s personality).I, too, think that an outside influence was possessing Luna, but I guess I define Nightmare Moon as the product of its possession of Luna, not as the entity itself. I would rather refer to that as "the Nightmare Moon entity". I don't know if it really HAD an agenda, maybe it wasn't actually sapient, but just a mindless being of negative emotion that amplified Luna's negative emotions to feed on them, creating Nightmare Moon as a by-product. I also think there was still enough Luna in there that she wouldn't have let the ponies die, she would have found some other way to feed them and maybe even keep the plants alive. It wouldn't make sense for her to kill all her subjects, because then who would be there to admire her beautiful night?@Ace2401Only if you can fatten yourself up while joining in! =DThanks for acknowledging the validity of my definitions.I'm trying to make these ponies do the same, and stop arguing against what I say as if I was using their definition.I agree that their definition is valid, but I still don't like it and, thus, don't USE it.@LumenPonyAlexanderI think Celestia was, for some reason, unable to destroy Nightmare Moon/free Luna of the influence of the Nightmare Moon entity. Thus, she banished it to the moon, having no other coice.(Answering to your next comment, but not willing to use the reply button again:) I, too, think that Celestia was wrong and that that doesn't make her a horrible pony; I just think that she was out of character because the show's Celestia would have been wise enough to keep her cool and not make such horrible decisions.And we DO disagree on the matter of the best definition for Nightmare Moon and Nyx.@RiffBronyDidn't you have an avatar image and a Blogger account? I smell an IMPERSONATOR!Who ARE you and why are you posing as RiffBrony? ò.ó Stop that!@LumenPonyAlexanderActually, I'm saying they're kinda the same entity and kinda seperate entities at the same time. It's complicated.@BugsydorWow, that's a lot to think about, but FINALLY some arguments that actually affect me and my opinions.Give me some time to think about that before I answer.I do believe you are a clever pony. =3
@Ace2401: INORITEI read this whole thing in one sitting and now I'm seriously squirming in my seat. ; 3;On an unrelated note, thinking of changing my callsign to Sungazer.Name of one of my other OC Ponies, a 'Solar Scribe.' It's a made-up position, yes, but I don't see why they wouldn't exist: Somewhere between a recordkeeper/storyteller and a Priest of Celestia.As he's based a lot more heavily on me than Alexander, he's also a night-owl of a pegasus, but when pressed, he justifies it by saying he likes to be up to see the sun rise, even if he doesn't get to stay up with it.And no, I don't ship him with Celestia. e we I'm not that lame.
@LumenPonyAlexanderDangit, get outta my head!Seriously, though, the points you make are eerily familiar.
@theuncalledforNah, those were totally me. I just hopped onto a different computer while my laptop was updating.
@Bugsydor: Well, I've made a point of watching all of Egophiliac's Celestia/Luna comics.While not technically canon, I can't see Celestia as anything but a benevolent and kind individual (even if I can see her making a flawed, even terribly flawed, decision once in a blue moon), so they just really stuck out to me as making sense.So I can't really say I didn't have help coming to this conclusion.Plus, while Celestia is a strong leader, what makes her really amazing is her ability to shoulder the terrible burden she bears – not just the difficult decision she made a thousand years ago, but the burden of immortality in a world composed mostly of mortals. Adding to that burden might be literarily cruel but makes for great drama, in my opinion… Especially if she learns from it and comes out all the greater for it.
@RiffBronyOh, okay. Let me just go back and find appropriate answers.Ah yes. *clears throat*Are we even disagreeing any more? We seem to be kinda on the same page, only one of us is holding it upside down.And thanks for apologizing! ^.^Your joke would have been funnier with a Flutteryay, though. ;3Needless to say, apology accepted.
@theuncalledfor: Well, yeah, I've already made my case for why I see her actions as perfectly in-character, even if they were highly unusual for her. But I understand.And I THINK I understand what you mean about Nyx and Nightmare Moon being together-but-separate.
@LumenPonyAlexanderlol, I read it all in one sitting too.@theuncalledforI do more than find your opinions valid, I agree with them. As far as who's right and who's wrong, I don't think anyone one is right or wrong. It's really just different ways of seeing the same thing. But, as I was saying, I agree with you on the fact that while Nyx was created from Nightmare Moon, since the spell failed, the little filly we know and love as Nyx was born into Equestria as more or less a blank slate. She really does have a personality all her own, with a few cursory similarities to Nightmare Moon/Luna.I do disagree about Celestia being OOC. I think she's perfectly in character. As shown in the show, she has taken drastic actions with terrible consequences in the past. She may be a goddess, but she is not above making mistakes.
It's time for me to hit the sack, I'm afraid.Earlier than I'd hoped, but progress all the same.
@Ace2401We don't have to like agree on everything. We can respectfully disagree and still get along, can't we?This naturally goes for everypony that can respectfully disagree with me and that I can respectfully disagree with.
@theuncalledforThanks for the compliment. It's fun being called a clever pony, and I like the idea that I can enrich others' lives a little by making them think.A fun and interesting thing to do (and how I came up with my wall of text and my big WildMassGuess) is to take an idea and run with it. T. S. Elliot (I think that's how you spell him) and Kant both agree on this. Dangit, not meaning to namedrop to make myself look smarter…What I am trying to say is that it's a fun exercise that can end up either making you look like a genius, or like a total nutcase. The assumption I started this one off with was that the authors intend for Nightmare Moon and Nyx to be the same pony but with different pasts to draw upon.On a completely unrelated note, I just discovered that cream soda tastes even more amazing if imbibed immediately after consuming V8. It's like liquid cotton candy, but less sickening.
@BugsydorOh crap. I totally sound like a pompous, self-absorbed D-Bag there, don't I?
@theuncalledforThat's a silly question, of course we can still get along. 🙂 I was just expressing my views on the story.
aaand its already thursday here…aaand this is still not updated…………waaaaahhhhh *starts smashing things*I MADwaaaaahhhhh *smash*
@AnonymousHULK SMASH!
moar…. moar FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MOAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I just hope it has a happy ending, please please make it a happy ending! I love Nyx and twilight too much to see it end bad. This is such a good story, so well written and well thought-out and so DAWWW-tastic I can barely contain my tears! 5 stars, bravo! Please update soon 😀
OK, 2 things:1) I am also getting antsy waiting for the update, but give them time. The last thing they need is a greedy fandom.and 2) How do you even get a profile on this site? I've just been using the Name/URL option to give a username.
@Portaljumper339Do you have a google account? If so, that's one option.
@ BugsydorSorry I took so long to reply. I have this nasty little thing that interrupts my life, called work. I can read posts from there, but for some reason I can't post.The "five hour adventure": It was last week some time when you told me about the trope thing. I checked it out, for the sake of curiosity. (Funny, that's the same way I got into ponies.) Well, said curiosity started jumping me from tangent to tangent, and I could not stop my thirst for MORE! Would you call that Twilight Syndrome?I don't think the tropes ruin my perspective on fiction in general by making me over analyze everything. If anything, it makes me think a bit more about stuff, instead of just droning. Eventually, the events start to trickle past, like little inside jokes or easter eggs you think of, every time you watch one of your favorite movies or shows.And now back on topic: I'll leave the philosophical debate about Nyx vs. NmM to you smarter folks except this little bit of afterthought.Everypony keeps pointing out the fact that Nyx doesn't really act like Nightmare Moon. Well, look what she has to work with. Most of her short existence, she's known nothing but love and acceptance, with a few obvious exceptions, of course. The little bits of dark memories she has from her previous life is all she even has for a reference of her supposed destiny. I mean, truthfully, the cult members know more about who Nightmare is supposed to be than she does. She's just doing her best to act the part of what she assumes she's supposed to be like. Come what may, though, the fact remains that this incarnation of the dark goddess has something her previous life didn't, a conscience. She never knew hatred or envy this time around, and you can't just shake off your upbringing, so she's conflicted. I can imagine it's very hard for her to be forced into doing things that maybe once she never would have flinched at, only now she knows, are wrong.-Moonlight Ballad, Bard of Equestria
you should put the tag sad on this D: its very sad for me D:
@Ace2401Yeah, but will it show a profile pic?
@Portaljumper339Yeah, after you create a blogger profile through google, you can add an avatar.
@Portaljumper339A google account will show a profile pic once you upload one to said account. Don't worry too much about cropping the pic beforehand, as you can crop it within the profile management screen.
Confound this waiting for updates, it drives me to insanity!
Ach! I go to verk for five hours und zee blog post turns ento a geek forum debate!Anyvay, since zome of you actually care, I'll set the record straight.Nyx IS Nightmare Moon. What this will mean will be explained later. I know (zome) of you have been very patient und I am sorry zhat zee new chapters are not ready just yet but believe me vhen I zhink you will find zee waiting vaz worth eet….Und zhat eez all I can say for naow…Also, damn eet all to hell! Zhis eez zee second time zomeboy assumes zhat I am a woman! Vhy doez zhis keep happening to me?No, Batty the OC eez male und zee human behind zee Ponysona eez also a male.Ach, people und zheir silly assumptions on zee internet. Sorry if zhat comes out as rude but… ach!Anyvay… back to verk on zee chapters…
@Batty GloomWhat else are we supposed to do while waiting for you to update other than have a geek forum debate? 😀
NOW THAT I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION!How is Celestia acting out of character? She is doing what is good for the sake of the entire world. It would be selfish to just leave Nyx there and potentially let her become NMM just for Twilight's feelings. Also, as for precautions, she had no way of knowing Nexus would betray her. She thought that if Nyx was NMM, she would just dispel her in her sleep.
MOAR!! MOAR I SAY!!! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL OF EQUESTRIA MOOOOOOAAAAARRRR!!!!!This is one of the best stories I've read. Pleeeeeeeease keep going and finish it up! Please oh Please oh Please!
Good Lord, I've been checking this page religiously every half an hour since 12:01 AM Monday. This waiting is going to kill me.
@Batty GloomYour name is BATTY Gloom, for Ushakar's sake! How am I supposed to think of you as male when your name is Batty?!Holy Yog-Sothoth, seriously!No, didn't come out as rude. But it's hard to associate that name with a guy on the net.
@Batty GloomAnypony else read his posts in the voice of Heinrich Von Marzipan from Kids Next Door?
@DrahcirAloerKid…Kids next…door….*twitch*(Love und tolerate… Love und tolerate…)If you must read mein posts en zomevun else's voice, just…just uze Zee Medic from Team Fortress 2, ja?
@Batty GloomWhat do you have against geek forum debates? They are really fun to watch!Continues to nom goldfish
@BugsydorMan, you've been eating those goldfish for a while. I've moved onto ribs, but then imma have more cake XD
@Batty GloomI'm sorry, I read it normal at first, but then the idea popped into my head and wouldn't go away. Also, I haven't played Team Fortress 2, sorry.
I reeeaaaalllyyy hope that even though you're still working on those chapters that you still intend to release them this week, right @Batty Gloom?
I'd like to say I read this in one go, and I calmly implore you to update…..okay **** calmness, I NEED MORE!
@DrahcirAloerMeet zee Medic.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36lSzUMBJnc@MetalGearFlaccidZome gud news for a change. Our pre-readers are doing very gud verk. Update eez confirmed for Friday… vell, at least releazed on Friday. Naow, if Seth doezn't update zee blog until Saturday, vell… not our fault. I will tell moar vhen Pen Stroke und I are releazed from zee moon.Und vhy we vere banished en zee first place.
@Batty: I really hope you haven't been rewriting anything due to misplaced or thoughtless comments. o noThat would make me a sad Solar Scribe.
Best Fanfic I have EVER read.It shouldn't be limited to a simple 6 star rating, that's for sure.I actually teared up a few times during this story (Both Joy and Sorrow) and I don't tear up very often. I am VERY excited for the next chapter/chapters…
@Batty is it okay if i imagine you being demoman trying to impersonate medic?
@Batty GloomThat voice is definitely 20% cooler, at least. That is the voice I will read it in now. DrahcirAloer going to sleep for the night because it is 11:30 here.
Uggh, Friday? I can't take much more of this waiting. I've been patient up to now, but it's really hard to wait on an update when it's a friggin' cliffhanger! Seriously, the suspense is killing me!
@NightsongThanks for reassuring us that Friday will be freaking awesome.
This story pleases me. PROCEED!
@BugsydorStop eating goldfish, you're a pony! It's not healthy for you, you cannot digest that!
Anybody think Nyx would still be cute if she was garymoded?
Deeeefinately lookin' forward to the next part, I'mma say that much – and I usually hate waiting around.Quite the l'il ride going so far – let's wait and see where the rusty ol' rails of fate take us, Twilight and our l'il beloved Nyx to!
Pardon my ignorance, but… Garymodded? Does that mean making her into a guy?
@NightsongHere you go:http://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/07/garys-mod-ponies.html
Ahhhhhh… Enlightenment! Yeah, I think she would! Though that's just MY opinion, of course…
Hnnnnngggggg… Friday???? Well, at least this means my F5 key gets a day off…
This story is impossibly fantastic.Well, can't wait for the next chapter, not trying to rush or anything, but I am pretty sure I'm the only pony here who hasn't done something around the lines of "FOR THE LOVE OF ALL EQUESTRIA UPDAAAAATE" or something.Sorry if this statement is derogatory to anypony who stumbles past it.
@AjaxisWe're all just as fanatic as you. I think you're safe.
1700 comments.1600 votes.HOLY FUCKING FLYING FUCK.SERIOUSLY.THAT FUCK IS FLYING , LOOK AT THAT FUCKING FLYING FUCK.FUCK!
If I can say something without getting lynched…I gave this fanfic 4 stars. the story itself is nice, no so solid, but nice; yet the storytelling is really awkward in some parts. I especially don't approve the change of the letter's style,height etc. When was the last time you saw that in a book? being generous, the story is worth 4/5 stars, but not that much attention. I understand how you got attached to nyx and so on, of course, that part is well written… but you should concentrate on the whole.but hey. that's just my opinion.
@trelatyraelisLast time I saw that in a book was in the works of one Sir Terry Pratchett, the author of the Discworld novels. The practice is known to tropers as Painting the Fourth Wall.To quote the trope page, "Essentially, Painting the Fourth Wall refers to using metafictional devices, such as fonts and text position in a book or UI changes in a video game, to indirectly convey a particular story-related message by deliberately breaking the accepted conventions of the medium."Hopefully I have been of service to you.
@trelatyraelisAlso, thanks for giving me something new to add to the tropes page!
link to the tropes page? Please?And anyway, did I just got told? Because it burns.
oh wait nevermind. Googled it.
@Batty Gloom Ha… Meet the Medic…I remember writing a pony version of that sketch for a parody of Cupcakes. That turned down the horror of that fanfic completely. XD
4 days into August, no update…Well, it's still updated faster than VG cats.
^you mean vg cats HAS updates?
@BugsydorI went to check out the latest trope addition… WHOAH!!! I have to stop doing that. It's like a time vortex!Moonlight Ballad, Bard of Equestria
I'm almost afraid to keep reading this story because of the picture. But I need to know! Please someone tell me that this story has a happy ending! I can't stand one that ends with everypony miserable.
@NightsongI'm not going to yell at you, but I do hope it's worth it. I've been waiting for over a week or so for this update and I really want to find out what happens.
@trelatyraelisAdmittedly, it was intended as a slight burn. Didn't mean for it to be anything lasting, though.Personally, I rather like it when an author decides to paint the fourth wall instead of trying to describe what happened. For example, I feel that Twilight's shouting "NYX" in giant bold caps carries a lot more emotional weight than just saying that she shouted "Nyx!" at the top of her lungs, and I feel that scene wouldn't be nearly as much of a tearjerker without Pen Stroke and Batty Gloom's Painting the Fourth Wall. As the storytelling adage goes, "Show, don't tell."It's kinda a stylistic choice, though, so to each his own.So, how are you liking the tropes page? See anything that could use some fixing? Too much stuff spoilered out?(p.s. Sorry if I sound like a pretentious turd, that's just the way I talk and write.)
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@BugsydorBugsydor, eez zhere a vay we can talk privately? I am not mad, least you start zhinking about zee worst possible situation, but zhere eez zomezhing I want to tell you.
@Batty GloomSorry I got carried away and am probably saying stupid stuff that isn't even close to right. I could PM you my steam name, I guess, or I could send you my email address. Which would be better?
@SingForTheMoonBwa-ha-haaa! My evil plan to help TVTropes absorb ever more time and life is WORKING! *coughhackcough* I mean, sorry to use up your valuable time…
@BugsydorJust send me a steam message. I'm part of the Eqvest- *cough* "Equestria" Daily group. Look for Batty Gloom Pony. I have verk in like… ten minutes, so send me a message und I will return eet later after verk.
Megatron: "Where´s my update?!"
@Batty GloomI am also in said group under the name of Bugsy Prime (profile pic is a flaming illithid drawn in the style of Order of the Stick). However, I cannot seem to message you while I can message my friends just fine…
Mmmh I get it. Real fanatic of the story as I can see, you went through all these comments posting rather frequently. you sure like this!
this sure hit you hard, Bug.Heh. This one didn't work so good for me, though; last time I cried reading was with Arddun Lleuad… I swear, It was really well written. I just went full pony and hugged my Luna wallpaper. So touching.Of course, our little nyx here has broken many-a hearts, too. when she called twilight mum… it was touching. and a couple more paragraphs I don't really remember.Eh… I'm more of a sweet shipping/ sad fic reader than "Normal" or even "Adventure".
@trelatyraelisI'm just a fan, not part of the writing group (as far as I know glances shiftily from side-to-side).Yes, that is the tropes page I set up for this story. It's the first major project that I signed on for as a troper, actually.In case you hadn't noticed, I am really afraid of being seen as a showoff and am mildly paranoid. That, and I share Twilight Sparkle's tendency to jump to the worst conclusions about how an authority figure will react to my stepping out of line no matter how kind and understanding said authority figure has been in the past (currently thinking that Batty Gloom is going to banish me to a dungeon on the moon).
@AnonymousDefinatly more then the sonic Sprite comic "Power Rings"
@BugsydorHeh. I'd lie if I said you don't seem… TOO excited about this. I mean of course, this is as long as a book and all, but I never understood how people could get so fanatic about, say: Harry Potter or… I don't know, Eragon.Just promise me that you're not going to kill yourself if this fic ends up abruptly/ grimdark.
@WilThe author is Pen Stroke. He tends to write happy endings. Go read Better Living Through Science and Ponies; and Creeping Darkness by the same author.I don't think sucky bad endings are his style. (I really don't like stories that end badly, only very rarely will I accept a sad ending as not completely shitty.)
@trelatyraelisDon't worry, I wouldn't kill myself if this ended badly. I have too much to live for in real life, anyhow.Now less about me, more about Past Sins.
@BugsydorTerry Pratchett is a literary genius, and one of my main influences.And Sir??? Was he knighted?
VG Cats updating is NOT a myth! It is like watching a flower bloom. …starting from a seed. Unless you use time lapse photography, you are going to be bored to tears LONG before it actually happens.Now on topic: Is the Friday update for the rewritten chapters, the NEW chapters, or is everything getting put up all at once?
I have some serious predictions about this story's ending, but I am so afraid that I am right that I don't want to post them and potentially spoil it. XD
@RiffBronyHow could you possibly spoil something with SPECULATION?!That makes no sense.Pony up and tell us what you predict.
This is pure gold – I can easily see why so many bronies proclaims this the best Fanfic written so far for the MLP universe.-However-. I found myself reading chapter 1-8, and then jumping directly towards the newest episode because, well. -I could see it all coming-, but atleast it was all treated and written in that kind of 'inevitbly going to happen' form, rather than trying to make everything as a twist.5/5. I salute you for sheer effort, originality and writing-skill. Perhaps in the future, one would think of making something not so 'grim'-dark? Perhaps I'm just a huge softie (I'm not going to read cupcakes, ever. the picture itself scares me enough) – This is the only 'grimdarkish' fanfic I've ever read so far!Props. Props. Props. Nyx should become a background character in season 2.
@RiffBronyHe got knighted alright. He even decided to forge his own sword partly from meteorite iron.
@RiffBronyEven if you don't feel comfortable posting speculation here, you can always post it in the Wild Mass Guess section of the tropes page. That's what it's there for, after all.Don't worry about spoiling the ending with speculation. It's all in good fun, after all.
@Bugsydor & Batty GloomWhat are the two of you plotting now?
It's friday, where is my update?
@AnonymousIt's still Thursday vhere I live. Also, we said we would submit the chapters on Friday… but Seth eez still zee vun who haz to post zhem… so we have no control over zhat.Be patient just a lit-tell moar… ze waiting will be worth eet…
I have never read a fanfiction that was more than a few pages, but I found myself addicted to this story, and managed to get from the prologue to chapter 13 in a day. I applaud your originality and gripping story. I'm looking forward to chapter 14.
Well… My kazoo concerto turned into a normal piece without a kazoo… technical difficulties abound! I'll consider it final on Saturday when it is due. Don't worry, it is still about Past sins… particularly Twilight's feelings about whether or not Nyx is Night Mare Moon. If I have time and inspiration, I'll find a way to make a full suite of pieces to portray a range of themes from this fanfic. Of course to do a big meta thing like that would probably be done best if the fic was already completed.Keep in mind that this is much more important than the Derpy musical… but if this update takes much longer hopefully I can get that done too 😀
Yes, Bugsy and Batty, tell us! (Bugsy and Batty sounds like a supervillain duo.)Also… Friday, Friday, gotta update on Friday! We we we so excited. * hides *
@Batty GloomIf you update the link into chapter 13 then we could all read it on Friday. Then you can have control. I wouldn't read it before it is posted here, because there is something exciting about opening the site and seeing a fic you are looking forward to on the front page.
@ Battygloom Take as long as you need on the update- I'd much rather its done well than out faster.Also Nyx IS nightmare Moon? Oh No! I can see this only ending badly.Of course, I mean badly for the characters involved, it'll still probably be one of the best pieces of fiction I've ever read.I think between this and all the nasty stuff that happened in Fallout: Equestria my soul will be crushed.
Holy Crap! I didn't think my original rant about statues and legal procedings would spawn more than one or two replys. I get a whole sub-discussion out of it. I Can't wait for the next update. Three more days!What Im really worried about now is how this situation can be defused. I don't think, even if Nyx were to free them, that Luna and Celestia would allow her continued survival. Sure Nyx freeing them would be hard evidence that she's got good in her, but if Celestia was willing to kill a Filly without consitering any other alternatives, I doubt she'll listen after being imprisoned in the sun.
@AnonymousActually the next update is Friday, or so Batty Gloom says, and that is in, *looks at watch*, 1 hour, 57 minutes and 15 seconds according to my watch
@theuncalledforThank you for your reply. I also can't stand stand a heart renching sad ending which so to be to common these days for me. Sad endings are just not for me.
@Batty GloomYou could always dump the docs links into the comments when it's released and remove them after seth updates, you know.
Moar feedback!I love the song links.The Glass Harp song reminded me uncannily of the Esper theme from Final Fantasy 6 – which was way too fitting for a creature with Nyx's background.And the use of Vanquishing the Ursa Minor during the castle takeover somehow gives me hope that Nyx really CAN find it in herself to turn her life around before she falls too far, while still feeling like a terrible negative echo of the real thing.I've been tempted to use themesong links in my own fanfic, which is my own personal interpretation of the original Banishment. The main one to come to mind is Theme of the Lunar Tribe from Okami.(Yes, this is LumenPonyAlexander from a little higher up.)
I am now sitting here pressing F5 every 10 minutes. Pen, what have you done.
Also, it's now Friday in my timezone.UPDATE OR I SWEAR I WILL START PLAYING REBECCA BLACK'S "FRIDAY" IN THESE COMMENTS!!!
Friday where I am, too. I should probably get some sleep…
Less than one hour till Friday in my timezone.I expect the update then. I DEMAND MY UPDATE!
yeah after i finished that story i was like dude am i gay now but then i watched seven hours of porn and i was once again secure in my sexuality
@AnonymousIt's okay, man.Ponies are manly. Didn't you know?Always have been. The world just wasn't awesome enough to know it until Lauren Faust showed us the way.
Speculations added to tvtropes page. Added like a BAWS.They're probably wrong anyways.
It is now friday here…
@RiffBronyGrats on working up the guts to go post a WMG. Ima go check it out now.
I'd post something on tv tropes, but I don't got no account there and i'm too lazy to make one and figure out the editing process.
@RiffBronyYour guess was interesting. That would be quite the bittersweet ending, as this would mean that Twilight would never get to see her friends again and Nyx still would have missed out on most of her childhood. Still, this is a way that I could conceive of this whole thing ending, if it does seem a bit unlikely based on my interpretations of the characters.
@JoshWell, the only thing you need to do to get an account there is punch in a username and password in the "get known" section, and to edit something you just hit the edit button at the top of the page.
@Not A Good Username 360Y-you wouldn't DO that! W-w-would you?!OH GOOOODS!NO!DON'T DO IT!NOOOO!NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
@Bugsydor (not replying to a comment of yours, just addressing you)I got known on TVTropes and made my very first edit! I corrected a grammatical error on the tropes page and reworded something to make it sound better. (AN little black alicorn filly? It should be A little alicorn filly. But I thought that sounded kinda weird, so I made it a TINY alicorn filly instead.)Am I a real Troper now or what?! *poses proudly*
@theuncalledforEyup!
I should be sleeping…this probably won't update for a good while…so why am I still here?
@JoshBecause you still haven't replied to me in the comments section of the Joshing fanfic? ò.ó(@ everypony else: I do NOT recommend reading that fic. I did NOT like it.)
@theuncalledforI have now. As for the fic in question, I enjoyed it for what it was, a simple humor piece.
@theuncalledforYeah, that fic was really stupid. And not in a good way, like Double Rainbow. Double Rainbow was totally awesome. Now I could stay up all night waiting for this to update, but really, I don't want to. It's to hard and I don't like it that way.
Yeah…i'm calling it a night. Hopefully it's up next time I get the chance to come here.
@JoshAllriiiight, thanks for answering! X3If by "simple" you mean "stupid", then I agree with you. But you don't mean it that way, so I disagree. I have no problem with the fact that you enjoyed it, though. Even if I don't understand it.@Ace2401OH GODS DOUBLE RAINBOW.That must have been the stupidest fic I've read in a while, if you don't count Joshing. And you shouldn't, because Joshing, as you said, is bad-stupid while Double Rainbow is AWESOME-stupid.
This is an amazing fanfic. Seriously, I'd pay money for this.
I just realized something, there's no way this fic is going to end well. After all Nyx in an Alicorn meaning she is immortal and has eternal life. Meaning that even if they somehow bring Nyx back it only means that eventually she must watch Twilight and all her friends to grow old and die while she keeps on living.
It's Friday, yay.
@AnonymousWe all realize that, and there have been fics about the main cast growing old with Celestia and Spike as main characters. We just don't want to acknowledge it. The story is most likely not going to show that far into the future, but if someone wants to write a spinoff fic in this universe…
and now there are 10 pages of comments…
It is now August 5th. you guys got 2 days before we mobilize the Bitching Brigade!Honestly I wouldn't mind the Haitus if this were a 4 star or 3 star fic. But as a Six star fic that clearly deserves it, Past Sins is one of those stories for which I must have closure. Consiter our impatiance a good sign.
@DrahcirAloerThat's actually one of the things I love about Celestia: The strength it takes to deal with that kind of pain and still make new friends among the commoners has to be immense.
Anyone listen to the song 'This is Letting Go' and think, you know this could go with a storyline where Nyx gives up the power and form of Nightmare moon and goes to find her own place in life that isn't defined by what people think she is? I did.
@DrahcirAloerMostly the chorus and the ending though.
I swear Nyx reminds me of Cereza…. Urge to draw fanart of Twilight cosplaying as Bayonetta and Nyx dressed as Cereza rising.
@BugsydorWhy would it mean Twilight could never see her friends again?
@theuncalledforIT'S FRIDAY!!!http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zzfQwXEqYaI
Me too…
@RiffBrony: He has your WMG confused with another new one.
ZOOM!ops, sorry, my F5 key just imploded
@BugsydorAh, in case you are confused, my guesses were of Nexus being turned into a tree and Celestia pulling a holy ghost.
Is it bad if I don't want anything bad to happen to Nexus?He deserves redemption just like anypony else, especially if the implication that the shards of Nightmare Moon are like an infection are for serious.
Me? I'm refreshing Chapter 13, in case the Doc goes live well before this page updates. …mind, if it isn't up my 2pm CST, I might not get the chance to read it until tomorrow. Grave Shift and all that.Also: Bugsyder? You once taunted me about stealing my WMG earlier. At this point, feel free. My free time is evenly split between refreshing this thread, sorting out stuff to sell on an auction sale, and packing whatever is left to move halfway across the state with.For those tuning in just now, the WMG could be broken down into:1) Spell Nexus steals the last of The Corruption from Nyx (The same Corruption that turned Luna into Nightmare Moon in the first place, never mind the Cult), and becomes Nightstallion Nexus.2) Regardless of the accuracy of the above, Nyx, the CMC, Twist, and one last person with close enough ties with all of the above to act as the Sixth Ranger, use the Elements of Harmony to purge the Corruption from all effected parties.2.5) Specifically this group, because Twilight won't want to accidentally hurt Nyx, which rules out the rest of the mane cast in that FREAKING GILDA would have been a better choice than Trixie. Magic or no,at least she was a FORMER friend to one of the mane six. And since "Friendship is Magic"…3) Nyx ether a) stays an adult Nyx with purple hair, b) reverts to her younger form, or c) has Twilight Sparkle become an alicorn due to Nix's Heroic Sacrifice, their Blood Connection, and the simple fact that ANY story involving Twilight Sparkle has at least a 50% chance of turning her into an alicorn REGARDLESS of the plot relevance.
@DrahcirAloerZhere eez no need to do zhat… we have thought about eet und eet eez zomezhing we…Actually, I better not say anyzhing else. But trust me vhen I say zhat you dun't have to worry und spin-offs by other writers would be unnecessary. I'll say moar vhen zee fic eez "finished".
Shouldn't the tropes page include pinkie pie's "seriouse party and pin the tail Buisness"?
@RiffBronyAh, ok. I thought yours was the huge one about Celestia being the one behind the hanging. I thought that one was a bit dark for this depiction of her.I liked yours, though. It fits the spirit of the WMG section nicely.
Well, you have two days 'til we form an angry mob and storm your castle, so you best get that fic updated soon…. unless this is in response to an e-mail I sent asking if they could stagger the updates so the last one landed on my birthday… If that's the case, then I rescind the request, just get this thing out.
@starcat5And…stolen!Also, you think moving halfway across the state is something? I am moving across two states tomorrow. :p
Yaaay!Hopefully that's enough separate WMGs that Penstroke won't feel any temptation to give us a sad ending just so that it won't have been expected.[/Remembers a comment Batty made towards someone's prediction about the ending] o no
@Bugsydor… Oh well, it's nagging at me, so I may as well.Bugsydor, this being 'your' project and all, I figured I'd let know – I made some changes to the main page.Hopefully they're alright. I also made a topic as such in the discussion page.There x.x
@Portaljumper339Vhat castle? We're still on zee moon!Gud news eez zhat Seth haz received zee email und undless zomezhing happens to Seth, you will see an update zometime today.Haowver, zee trip back from zee moon will be a long vun. You're going to have to wait undtil I come back for me to tell you vhy we were banished.Naow zhen… haow do we return zhis moonbase vhen we leave?
@Bugsydor: Bah! Give me Rational Mass Guessing any day. Once my life has settled down enough to actually become a Troper, I have one for the mane cartoon page that would REALLY make you think….but here is a taste of the kinds of things I'd post there, since this one BLOODY WELL should have been put up by someone already:Celestia is the former bearer of the Element of Laughter: Think about it. Trollestia notwithstanding, take Pinke Pie, force her to banish her closest friend and sibling, THEN force her to outlive all her friends, AND THEN force her to be a respectable ruler with little to NO time for making NEW friends or to go to the FUN kinds of parties, mix in random headaches related to being the head of state, bake at 350 degrees for 1000 years, and if it doesn't result in Cupcakes, chances are you just made a relatively good facsimile of Celestia.
Here's a WMG for ya:The exibit on Transfiguration being temporary was foreshadowing. The spell that completed Nyx's transformation to Nighmare Moon was acually part transfiguration and thus at some point or another, perhaps after a Heel Face Turn, she'll revert back into a filly.It would be a kinda clever way to subvert the 'No going back' thing, it would restore status quo, if she hadn't already Nyx would be in for quite a revelation, and for that matter, so would the cult.If my theory turns out to be correct: Score!If it's wrong: Clearly I was full of Bull Effing Crap.
Anyone else see the startling resemblance between the NMM cult and the brony community?“They merely need to see the wisdom and glory that is your rule, just as I did." and other quotes from Nexus just make the two seem disgustingly similar.I don't know if that is supposed to be a trope or whatever.
It is more the auction sale that is ticking me off. I don't WANT to sort through 30 years of my parents junk, my sister's junk, and MY OWN junk just to figure out which to put up for sale, which to throw out, which to discretely BURN, and finally, which to sneak out of the house under cover of night so my aunt doesn't move it from my "Save" pile back over to the Sell pile. Also? I only have two more weeks to finish this in. X_x;…and did I mention that all the above items are spread cross three different houses in TWO, count them, TWO DIFFERENT COUNTYS?
@OverkilliusI think it's "This Jerk Is You?"Too lazy to look it up on the site.
@SungazerI… zhink zhat only verks if eet vaz zee author's entent…Und I can safely say zhat eet vaz not. If anyzhing, Pen Stroke eez a bigger brony zhan I am. Und I vaz zee last straw to get him to check zee show out.
@Batty GloomOh, I didn't say it was.I was just trying to hazard a guess at which trope he was suggesting.
@FlorentineWell, hay. It ain't my trope page, I am just the guy who started it and has been doing a significant amount of work on it. As long as the stuff you put up is fairly accurate, fire away! Happy to have help with that darn thing.
It still hasn't updated…damn it!
@starcat5Well, you've got me beat. I just ned to get everything together for an 18 hour car ride and give my dorm a massive cleaning.@Batty GloomOoh! I smell an origin story!
@NotAGoodUsername360Ahh no, not that song! NOT THAT SONG! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!My hand is a dolphin!@SungazerThat depends. Do you think being purified by the Elements of Harmony counts as something bad?@Batty Gloom"Finished"? SPECIFICALLY in quotation marks?What, do you have a sequel planned or something?*scratches head in confusion*(In response to a later comment:)RETURN the base?! What, don't you like it? Q.Q
@Batty assuming you're in our dimension it would take 3 days using a rocket to go from the Earth to the Moon and vice versa
@theuncalledfor: No.I'd say that's something good.
@theuncalledforOh…. I might have said too much… so you'll just have to wait. ;)And no, we love zee base! Eet made eet easier to survive! I just meant zhat vunce we vere releazed zhat I wanted to give eet back to you. I thought you vere just loaning eet to us. Moon bases are expenzive, you know!
@Batty Gloom: Do me a huge favor?PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE tell Penstroke I appreciate what he's done here?
@Batty GloomIs typing with an accent really necessary?
Update soon, please. D:
there is nothing wrong with typing that way. especilly if that's how he speaks. as long as you can understand it, there is nothing wrong with that.
@JoshYou say vhy… I say vhy not.
@starcat5I don't see Celestia as the Element of Laughter, if any element besides magic she be, I would think Loyalty the most fitting. Think about this:When Rainbow Dash has her chance to snap just before the Best Young Flier Competition, what happens? She becomes terrified. When Celestia screws up, betrays her star pupil and makes a mess out of everything, why did she do it? She was terrified of Nightmare Moon. (She was so afraid, I half expected her to undergo some kind of evil transformation herself.)
Well, it is just about 2pm. Time for an 8 hour restless sleep, HOPEFULLY followed by one to three new chapters to read right before work.G`night, everypony. *Gone*
It's 9pm where I live D:, guess this is going to be a long night xD
4:00 AM where I live. No, I did not stay up in anticipation. But the wait will have to last a bit longer. 'Till then… enter sandman!
*sees the mob starting to form*This would make a fantastic story!@Batty GloomLeave the base up there. You never know when one of us might get banished again. But, please get somepony to restock the fridge. Make Celestia banish a vendor or something.Moonlight Ballad, Bard of Equestria
Huh, you know I wonder what Kind of Ruler Nightmar Nyx will be. She has everything she 'wants' and no ones left to appose her. From here she could be either just as good as Celestia. Nothing to really stop her except memories of the sun, and even that'll go away after a few dozen generations if she play's her cards right. Or mabe she'll eventually decide to restart the day/night cycle after getting bored with propetual night.Or she could get paranoid and become the next Robespiere. Or, since she's not all that big on the gallows, mabe she'll build Soviet-style work camps and send them their. Mabe she'll get neglectful like a pre-revolutionary French Monarch. Or mabe she'll micromanage everyone's lives and take away their freedoms.Their's no telling where she'll go now.
@Anonymous…IIIIII can't decide whether you should live or die,Oh you'll prob'ly go to Heaven, please don't hang your head and cry!No wonder whyMy heart feels dead inside!It's cold and hard and petrified!Lock the doors and close the blinds we're goin' for a ride!(Don't ask, it's the first thing that came to mind when the phrase "Take away their freedoms" came up.)
@Batty GloomYou know, you could update Chapter 13's link to Chapter 14. That would be awesome.
@Ace2401>this
@Ace2401What he said
@Ace2401I think I suggested that a while ago, and another person thought of it before me. Keep thirteen up and refreshing just in case.
@DrahcirAloerI think I was the one who suggested it first, but now I'm telling Batty Gloom to DO EEET, so to speak.
@Ace2401I agree that he should, but nothing beats the excitement of watching it update to the front page. Also, why isn't anyone emailing sethisto to tell him to post the new chapter(s?) asap?
@DrahcirAloerYou know what? I think I'll do that if it's not the next update.
@Ace2401Well, go for it.
@Ace2401I probably shouldn't have suggested that. Sethisto, if you are reading this I am sorry if you get a bunch of emails. But please post the next part.
When this song was posted to EqD yesterday, a number of people thought it should be Nyx's theme.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CpMDrey8jFQ&feature=player_embeddedWould have posted it as a link, but Google seems to hate me right now.
http://www.instantsfun.es/yeahhhgo here, press the button: my reaction when this is finally updated
Update!
yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAHHAUpdates…… 🙂
And all was well…Hopefully. Reading now!!!
HELL YEAH! UPDATES!
More? Yay!
*Reads the revision note*I take it THAT was why it took so long to update huh?…okay, back to square one. *starts re-reading from the beginning*
Now, for those of you who skipped the post information above, Past Sins has undergone some heavy content revisions. This was the reason behind the stories Hiatus, as Batty and I found that we agreed with some of the criticism the story was receiving. Mainly, Celestia's characterization, under utilization of Luna, and Nyx not quiet being deep enough character wise.Batty and I hunkered down and worked hard to improve the story over the hiatus, and the pre-readers agree the new direction is better. So, here's the gist. The major events of the story are the same, but the characterization of certain figures is different. Be sure to check the Past Sins Revision Summary to get an overview of all the changes we made. You can also check the top of this post. I hope everyone enjoys the new chapters and the adjustments to the old ones.(Though, seriously, you should at least re-read Chapters 9, 10, and 13. They are almost completely different and they are way better now).
Penstroke asked for a late afternoon update, but you guys spammed my mailbox. I'm pretty sure it will get plenty of spotlight stuck to the sidebar for another month as always :p
BEST STORY EVER OMFG NEW CAHPTER YAY
Oh boy, glad though I am, I can't believe you guys actually went through the trouble of actually changing everything… Although I must admit, the issues that you guys addressed were the ones that were stopping me from truely enjoying this story. I'm going to have to give the story a reread now, and perhaps adjust my rating accordingly.
Damn. Major revisions? I'll have to redownload and convert the whole thing all over.Oh well, this story is worth it.
PENSTROKE, YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON THAT I WOULD WILLINGLY REREAD THE SAME DAMN STORY OVER AGAIN.LET'S DO THIS
Wow, you guys went and changed a lot there. I've been itching to get my fix. Almost 2 weeks without a new Past sins. Time to sit down and enjoy the next hour of catch up.
Fuck yeah!
Lol, time to re-read the story everypony.
This is the greatest present i have ever received!
The revised chapter 9 scene with Celestia was very, very, very good. You've nailed so many of the little issues a lot of the readers complained about, I really have to applaud you. Celestia was fantastic, bravo. Going on to read ch 10 now!
Cool. I was planning on re reading the story but now I have more reason to do it! Going to load the whole lot onto my iPod and read it in the evenings camping next week.I thank you profously in advance.
YAY! YAYYAY YAY, YAY! YAYYAY YAY, YAY, YAY, YAY, YAY YAY YAYYAY, YAYYAY YAYYAY! (Continues singing Avast Fluttershy's @$$) WOOHOO! FINALLY, it updates!…. Of course, now the waiting for the last four or however many chapters is going to KILL me… Gotta be patient… Gotta be patient… GAH! /dies*3 minutes later* *resurrects from Reraise* Oh boy… Hope the wait doesn't kill me!… Again…Anyhoof, AWESOME job on it, guys! Seriously, I REALLY liked how much you changed Celestia, and added Luna! 200% better! Can't wait to see how this epic story ends! *Brohoof* :icontwilightclapplz:(… Oh wait, that won't work, will it? Darn…)
My body wasn't ready for this. To Chapter 1- for the story!
Seriously though, the fact that you actually went back and reworked the story from the criticisms…that's just awesome of you.
After reading the Changelist, it looks like I'm off to Chapter 9 again.
So who here is actually re-reading all the way from the beginning? Anything new I don't want to miss.
Holy crud … you mean that in addition to THREE new chapters, I have to read the ENTIRE 13 CHAPTERS from the BEGINNING again?!!!?!?!?!!?…I can do that.
@Joshi guess i will, I've got nothing better to do
Dear authors,This is a lovely and adorable fic and I'm glad you guys found some betas to help you with the most recent chapters. While Nyx actually managed to avoid my mary-sue radar. (Likely because on reading it I figured ponies in ponyville are generally very welcoming of other normal-looking ponies, and I understood that the CMC were pretty much her friends, while the rest of her classmates were annoyed by her nerdlyness and tolerated her.) There were narmy-moments where she approached what I consider my limit, but most were in later chapters as you mentioned, things began to veer further in the direction they'd already been going in. I only hope that with this new revision you haven't over-corrected in the opposite way.I'm glad you've reconsidered Celestia as well. The basis for everyone is the show, and while the show you are watching might not be the show I am watching, Celestia is generally kind, gentle, willing to give chances, and has a prankster streak. You started her out as being very true to this mold, which is why it seemed so out of place for tyrant Celestia to show herself in the way she did – there simply weren't enough examples for us as an audience to buy the, to us, abrupt transition.I would like to commend you on the relationship you built up between Nyx and Twilight. While agree it started out as a bit too accepting, there was some good conflict in Twilight always wondering and second-guessing. The way she began to really adopt Nyx was very sweet and made Nyx's eventual transformation all the more bittersweet.I look forward to reading the revisions you guys have made :DI'm probably going to wait until you're done, though, in case you make another edit. I've been bitten by WIPs doing that in the past 😦 (so take this statement as me cheering you guys on to finish soon 😉 )*brohoof*-Lanna
Well, looks like the trope pages (including the tearjerker entry, I think) will be needing some editing to deal with the retcon. I won't be on that for quite a few hours though, as I will be too busy cleaning my dorm to move out and rereading this fanfic from the beginning. Could some of you that just plan to reread the major changes help out on that?
YEAH!! Updates, you just made my day. I was super excitedly waiting for new chaapters, now they are here, im going to drop everything im doing, literally since it will land on my bed, and start reading the older chapters with the revisions and see what I can spot different. I really loved this story its my fav next to sunset but really badass Twilight whats not to love, this story has a Twilight thats just awesome and epic in her own sense, and we now have Nyx and Twilight who are just awesome together. I cant wait to start reading this im so super exctied. twilight and Nyx are my new favorite family paring now. YEAH YEAH!! Ok I have to stop yammering, if I dont I wont be able to start reading, and I really need to read this and WOOH ENTER KEYYYY!
*Had just started reading yesterday and marathoned it yesterday**happy for update today**Sees he has to re-read it all*FFFFFFFF-go to jail, if you pass go do not collect 200 dollars.
Are these what I think they are? THEY ARE!NEW CHAPTERS!YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES
>new updateMy body is rea->heavy revisions…Well, I'm willing to go with this for now. I trust that Pen and Batty did this of their own volition, not to please the dissenters.
@BugsydorWhen i'm done re-reading it all, sure.
Not only we get more chapters, we also get a good reason to re-read the story, 😀 that's so awesome!I'm looking forward to the changes.
*logs onto computer*Sigh… they probably haven't updated…*goes to Equestria Daily*I now have two new gods.
Oh… Yeah I fergot. Thank you for this story! KEEP UP THE GREAT JOB!!!
Reads the change list.*"In fact, the mention of Twilight’s blood being used in the resurrection spell was actually going to originally be more important, suggesting that it made Nyx related to Twilight by blood, which would have explained some things like Nyx’s intelligence. So, to everyone who suggested that Twilight was in fact Nyx’s mother, you were actually right at one point! But now you’re wrong again, since Twilight’s blood is now nothing more than a superstition on the part of Spell Nexus,."OBJECTION! http://objection.mrdictionary.net/go.php?n=5148381Changing the reason for why the blood was used from actual protection to mere superstition does not change the fact that it was used at all. For Twilight to not be Nyx's mother, her blood must not be used.
Oh boy, the revision summary certainly makes a pretty good case for a reread. I'm so happy I caught this before boarding for an eight hour flight…@Batty GloomPEN PONY IS CREDIT TO TEAM!
and i wanted to go to bed early today :(*goes to reread entire story*
Nyx and Spell Nexus both show up on Akinator. I randomly tried Nyx earlier today on the off-chance I might beat him. But no, ten questions later I had a dragon-eyed alicorn filly staring at me. Mocking.
A total revision?Recommended to re-read ENTIRE THING?…I have to say, knowing you Pen, you have probably made this story 20% better than before, so as a respected fan I shall re-read the story. It's just so damn good, why wouldn't I? I read "Creeping Darkness" twice, once before playing the game and once after beating the game and the two DLC's.I was wondering why it hadn't updated in a while though, well, looks like I've found something to keep me up till the following morning.
Blood is Blood PenStroke. Nyx is still Twilight's Daughter whethere you deny it or not.
>sees revision list>notices that major changes have occured in the story itself and that Celestia's character has been rewrittenhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bgLo_AW7Pb0&feature=relatedNONONONONONONO!!! DON'T GIVE IN TO THE WHINERS, THEY'LL ONLY WHINE MORE!!!Ugh… it's a good thing I trust you enough to have done things in a way that DOESN'T make me hate you for letting the fans get to you…
-Two weeks, no updates-Expecting 1-3 new chapters, possibly-Finally breaks, entirely revised story-Recommend re-reading………..Considering the fact that I re-read things anyways, you just made my week. My month, even.To Pen Stroke, Batty Gloom, and any others involved, you deserve 1,000 internets apiece. Thank you.
The following is from chapter Zero and still supports the blood relation between Twilight and Nyx:"After a few anxious moments Nexus saw what he had hoped for, the blood soaked dagger starting to float above the fire. The blood was drawn up from the dagger, formed into a single crimson sphere before the dagger itself was launched clear of the spell, its polished metal surface digging into a nearby tree.The central bowl then began to billow with black smoke, the shreds of Nightmare Moon starting to truly burn. The black smooth began to form and swirl around the large drop of blood. The fires from the wooden bowls began getting drawn in, the flames swirling and orbiting the spell’s focal point like water in a whirlpool.The drop of blood became encased in a black sphere, and that black sphere began to slowly grow. It drew in the fire and smoke, everything, and grew larger with each passing moment."That black sphere eventually became Nyx and the blood that flows through her was Twilight's as evidenced right here. This scene invalidates the argument that she is not Twilight's daughter..
I'm not sure if anyone else has noticed this, but I began reading chapters 1-4 of the new "updated" pdf and it has been identical so far. I then read the same chapters in the google docs and they were different. Read the google docs version until the pdf is fixed.
Okay, I found a new, perfect fit, music for the final Tug-of-War in chapter 8.Millenium Battle [Special Battle Track] – Yugioh! Music to Duel By (Season 1 soundtrack)
…..yesyesyseyseyseseyesyesyesyesyesyseyse-
@NotAGoodUsername360While it is a great story and the complaints are overblown, the issues kinda were there, and the fact that they went back and revised it is…well, very respectable honestly, I don't know of many authors that would do that.
Over 300 pages of Nyx to read all over again?Sure, why not?
Let'sREEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAD
I love the story so far. I think it is a great read.
I hope Nyx gets a happy ending. She deserves to have a second chance.
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH I HAVE TO REREAD ALL OF THE AWESOMELY HEARTWARMING NOW. X-X
@Josh*folds arms*…well… it's not a BAD revision… it is at least as good, if not better, than the original……however……I can't condone revision based solely on fan feedback. Sometimes wanting things to change is a GOOD thing for a piece of literature. What really bothers me is that not even the authors realized that Celestia WASN'T being implausibly irrational. Even human beings make absolutely horrendous decisions and can be absolutely heartless to the people we loved the most in our ignorance and passions. People aren't perfect, and neither should the characters we invent.I still wholeheartedly love this fic, and I understand why you two did what you did, but I still must frown upon Celestia's revision. I can accept the fleshing out of Luna and Nyx, but I can't forgive you two for the Celestia revision.
Ok everyone the crisis is averted, return the armies, hold the missiles, and hold the E-Mails. You know, just a suggestion.Great few chapters as always Pen and Batty.
For people who feel overwhelmed by the aspect of re-reading, let me make this comment.The MOST important chapter changes occure in chapters 9, 10, and 13. Other changes are minor enough that they can be skipped. You Don't have to re-read it all.
@NotAGoodUsername360While I do think Celestia wasn't OOC, honestly (she was acting on emotion people) the revision probably isn't that bad.
@Pen StrokeYou took the time to revise, i'll take the time to re-read.
@Pen Stroke I vehemently disagree that the Fact the Twilight's Blood has nothing to do with Nyx not being her daughter in fact it has EVERYTHING to do with Nyx being twilight's daughter. But W/E re reading the whole thing and it has improved.
i think having to reread the chapters is a good thing, it will (kinda) let me have the experience of reading an awesome story for the first time again.Shoot…Im gonna need a whole night for this
@JoshI'm afraid I disagree. Changing a character out of sheer wish fulfilment is the sort of thing I despise in fanfics. While the new Celestia herself isn't that bad, her existence itself leaves a sour taste in my mouth knowing what she SHOULD be. Pen, I love you and your writing, but I gotta frown at that move. Sorry, man.
Just read chapter 16.Damn, man. You know how to keep us on our toes, don't you? For a second there, I thought you were actually going to let Twilight hang, and let this go grimdark.I am looking forward to the next 3 chapters so much. Also, the addition of the Luna scene was a very good idea.This is worth having stayed up til almost 1am for. Keep it up!
I have to say that I really don't think upping the attempted comedy of Chapter 13 even more than was originally there accomplished any more than damaging the scene even more than it originally was.Otherwise all of the revisions from Chapter 9 through Chapter 13 seemed to be improvements from the originals. Even those that I didn't originally take issue with.
Okay, i'm ditching the comments section now until i'm all caught up. Be back in a few hours.
Good thing I have tomorrow off. I'll be reading all day!
to the people responsable for this marvelous piece of literature, all Id wish to do is to thank you for this fanfic and how great it is, I hold no doubts it will remain as good until the very end and if its allowed will remain as a great story for many years to come, a true testament for all of us of how the ingenuity and imagination can enhance the experience of the source material, been faithful to it and paying due respects as well.Im excited to see how the story evolves from this point as it seems the climax starts to show its face to us, I take my hat off to you."No hay nada bajo el Sol que no tenga soluciòn, ya que una noche nunca venciò a un amanecer" – Warcry.
Also, on a somewhat more positive note, this fic is starting to remind me more and more of Johnny Cash's version of "Hurt".http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o22eIJDtKhoI now have new BGM to read this fic to.
Wow I'm sitting here and hugging my pillow like a 14 year old schoolgirl. Most have more of this epic saga. Now It's time for some exorcism! In chapter 17.
OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! YOU'RE KILLING ME WITH THAT ENDING!
@Pen StrokeOmigoshomigoshomigosh. You wrote the comics into the story!BEST DAY EVER.
I'm pretty pissed with the fact you caved to rewrite Celestia's 'OOCness', I thought her being torn inside between facing to protect her just gotten sister back after a 1000 years of being Nightmare Moon from finding out somepony was trying to revive her hate and jealousy, giving form once more to her Nightmare ego, yet finding out the truth of what Nyx meant to Twilight and putting the fate of her people, neigh, all of Equestria's fate on the chance Nyx would bloom into the Black Rose of Nightmare Moon and overthrow her and her Sister was a MUCH more gripping Celestia and I am disappointed I didn't make a back up copy of those chapters before the change.I will re-read the earlier chapters out of the fact now rereading the immense 13 chapters a new almost a mandatory thing now as my views of Celestia and how the story that was to follow would have turned out.Thanks a lot for ruining a more mature Celestia who isn't afraid to do what is right for the lives of all her living creatures. I suppose if she were to be nightmare moon she'd just place a sealing spell on Nyx now or something to prevent her from becoming a threat before being betrayed by Nexus?Well w/e I'll re-read all the chapters before the new ones after I get over my frustration over Celestia's change, which is mainly my biggest complaint, the Nyx being a crybaby and overly inquisitive nature of hers was portrayed well enough in the story that I guess I must of missed her Mary Sue'ness. It was stated that everyone in the class was annoyed by her prolonging class and shortening recess, despite that no one could argue that Nyx in the play wouldn't have won over some of her other classmates approvals even if she was a crybaby and a nerd.Also while I was annoyed at the lack of scenes for Luna, and wasn't surprised when you described the Moon being Risen despite Luna's disappearance, I understood what you tried to do there with the dramatic undertones to get Celestia worked up and perhaps lose her focus/overexert herself in their inevitable duel.I wish you had finished the full story before doing a full Directors cut damnit =[Twilight still better get beaten, and that break up scene with Twilight breaking down better be more epic because if I don't shed tears a second time I'm gonna be more pissed!P.S. Yeah, completing the story and THEN doing a full rework on this would have probably taken a month to rewrite so I wasn't really expecting that, more like now my emotional view of the story now needs to be reworked by re-reading the old renewed chapters making me feel reading the last 13 a complete waste of time as those portrayed characters personalities are no longer valid! Thanks a lot…/Cátsy
“Uh, what’s a pony called when they sneak into places like a castle?”Solid Snake? XDNow I'll be thinking of the CMCs hiding in cardboard boxes for the rest of the week.
FFFFFFFFFFF YOU'RE GONNA' MAKE ME REREAD THE ENTIRE FANFIC!?I'm okay with this, actually. *happily clicks chapter one*
Wait, so now I have to re-read it?…imokaywiththis.jpg
AWESOME as soon as i read chapter 16 i started playing Celebration by Kool and the Gang. i love you Pen Stroke
P.P.S. It's times like these I wish I had made an account… /CátsyP.P.P.S. I hope the changes you made, however subtle, are plentiful between chapters 1-8 before getting to the heavily changed 9-13 chapters. And just because you two are so dedicated to have done so much effort into this story and the remake I'll be re-reading out respect for the love you've given this story…. I'm still upset at you two though for caving on the Celestia part.P.P.P.P.S!! ALMOST FORGOT TO COMMENT ON APPLEBLOOM! I in NO way can agree with anyones view as to Applebloom befriending Nyx just because she was a blank flank, I in my youth stood up to bullied kids and have gained a friend or two that lasted well through my childhood and can say that Applebloom would befriend Nyx just because she did bring up some good interesting questions and didn't like seeing her without any friends as she remembers well how it is to be bullied herself so I hope I don't read any of that nonsense of being friends because of a blank flank. With how eager and inquisitive Applebloom is, mature for her age, I don't want to get into a whole psychological overview but idk everyone has flaws just hope they aren't over done to a point it just makes a Nightmare out of Nyx. Nyx was sweet, adorable, inquisitive and well mannered but she was easily shaken, cowardly as she was portrayed in the previous incarnation as well, and shy around new ponies as well as never knowing when to keep her mouth shut in class! Heaven forbid a child tries to actually learn in school!There is too much to comment about this but idk I'll leave it at that, and why did Nyx not show her friends her eyes too? did you feel her friends wouldn't trust in her? that the flash backs of the CMC seeing the REAL Nightmare Moon would come flooding back as they remembered the fear they felt that day? why was that small subtle part changed to only reveal her wings secret?Sigh sorry for the super long /fueledbyemotions posts =P
Looks like my Parody on chapter 10 of Past Sins is half dead now…should of tried to release it earlier
stood up for* not to* bullied kids I mean*
@AnonymousTo answer part of your P.P.P.P.S, the reason we took out Nyx revealing her eyes is that we realized Applebloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle had seen Nyx with the eyes at the play. If Nyx had revealed her eyes and wings together, we feel the trio of fillies would have recognized her resemblance to Nightmare Moon, which wasn't something we wanted for that particular scene.
YES THE NEW CHAPTERS ARE HERE, NOW I CA-*reads about story revision*. . . I don't know whether to be happy that I get a ton more about this story to read, or that, well, I gotta read 14 CHAPTERS ALL! OVER! AGAIN!I'm not going to comment on the revisions themselves yet since I have yet to read them, but what I will say is that I would have prefered if this happened after the story was finished. Like a director's cut or something. That way I'd have reason to read the whole story over again. It's not really a bad move to revise it, I just don't like the fact that it happened in the middle of the story. It's probably because my school starts next week (yes, it is supposed to be early, we get out early for summer in return), so I have to hurry and finish my summer reading paper before school and have little time to read this. Seriously, someone freaking publish this so I can use it for English class.Anyways, yeah, don't like the timing on the revisions, like the fact you did revisions period, and no opinion on the revisions themselves since I haven't read it yet. I know you had your reasons for doing what you did, so I'm not gonna troll about it, just giving my two cents about the whole thing. I still think the story is amazing and that you guys are great writers, and that's what matters.P.S. In case this is brought up, yes I know the list about the big changes where I can just read those, but it will bother the hell outta me if I know I'm missing some other differences.
I definitely do not have a problem re-reading this.
Oh boy. Just finished 16. Nexus is gonna get his, and its gonna be grand.@AnonymousDon't comment on the rewrites until you've actually read them. They added more to Celly's conflict. They didn't take anything away.
really liked the revisions, for the most part. I felt, because of Celestia's softer approach in chapter 10, the separation lacked some of the impact. Perhaps you should add Spike desperately asking Twilight what's going on, and mention Twilight being unable to look Nyx in the eye, then it would come off much more as a perceived betrayal.Anyway, it's nearly 2am where I am, so I'll drop more of my thoughts in the morning. Ultimately though, while I liked the Celestia before I'm glad you listened to the criticism and created a less polarizing character that everybody can appreciate reading. The tale is stronger for it.
Quite possibly spoilers ahead.Right, I've reread from 9 onwards. I must say, the improvements are simply amazing. I didn't know it was possible to improve it so much.And then I got onto the new stuff. It was amazing, from the CMCs daring infiltration to the fulfillment of that final image, the one which has been the ultimate defining question on everyone's lips.And may the GODDESSES BLESS YOU FOR NOT LEAVING IT ON A GALLOWS CLIFFHANGER MY GOD THANK YOU. I was terrified that was going to happen and I was beginning to feel physically sick, and then, well, I guess saying any more would be huge spoilers and I know people ignore spoiler tags so I'm just leaving it there.So, barring further twists (which I would probably be even more dumbfounded and amazed by), we are likely getting into the final section of Past Sins. I'm honestly clueless (beyond WMG) as to how it will resolve, which is always fantastic in a story.Cannot wait. Need more story.You writers are amazing.
F***ing whiners! Celestia is not supposed the picture of perfection; people need to understand that she has flaws like any other pony. As a ruler and ancient deity with centuries of maturity, her part played well as the stern, decisive ruler in the original chapters. The only reason for the small pocket of vociferous complaints is that Celestia doesn't have a canon characterization to deal with these harsh circumstances. It really is up to the author to create and depict how she WOULD act in their own story world. The flow of conflict was congruent, and now I have to go back reread an edited story that isn't even completed yet. The process disrupts the flow with tedious redundant reading to catch changes. It splinters the story into two trains of thought for those who've already read up to chapter 13 already.*rawr rawr throws tantrum*
Nexus needs to be made into a pinata for one of Pinkie Pies parties… that low down good for nothing sorry excuse of a unicorn.
@Pen StrokeThat's justifiable, but ignoring the blood drop used when we have chapter Zero as evidence to show Nyx is Twighlight's daughter, is not.
This fic makes me sick.and i can't wait untill the next chapter.cuz i love EVERY page.
Honestly, I think the authors are moronic for changing it, the story was perfect the way it was, and now it just seems stupid. You just lost a leader.
i wonder if nyx will become canonthat would be nice
Okay zhen, just got back from zee moon.(Or work.)Couple of notes for zee readers.I zhink you are taking zee phrase "related by blood" a bit too seriously, ja? Yes, zome of Twilight's blood vaz used en Nightmare Moon's ressurrection but such a spell would surely rezemble life alchemy or zomezhing like zhat; any und all blood would be completely changed ento zee body of Nyx. Und people und ponies aren't related by blood, zheir are related by genetic enformation. If anyzhing, Nightmare Moon eez truly unrelated to anypony, since zee only pony she vaz based on (Luna) no longer haz zee same body. But zhat eez just mein enterpretation.Also, we did not "cave en" to peer pressure or any such zhing. True, we had a bit of a breakdown becauze of zee stress of rude comments und backlash (Your hate only makes me stronger, luv!), but vunce we calm down, we each agreed zhat zee criticism were moar right zhan wrong and we agreed zhat eet vaz zhings zhat should have been done from the beginning. Zee moment we dun't take criticism seriously, ezpecially vhen eet eez valid, eez zee moment we cease to be gud writers. We would not have gone through zee effort of rewriting zee story undless we believed eet vaz necessary.Finally, befoar I forget, zhere eez zomezhing zhat I did not addressed earlier becauze of mein breakdown. Zome people are actually crazy enuff to believe zhat we posted nine pieces of fan art before zee story vaz even posted, even though Seth doez zee posting for zee blog. Not only zhat, but vun guy actually sent us an actual death threat over zee original version. Here eez mein und Pen Stroke official responze to both.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_n5E7feJHw0To everyvun else, zhank you for zee support und readership. We hope you like zee new chapters und re-read as much as you can, or at least uze zee guide to check out zee revised parts (and no, chapters 1-3 are not identical, you just didn't read hard enough).
@AnonymousBut who will lead us with you gone?
Nyx… Poor Nyx…
@Anonymous They Changed It, Now It Sucks?This isn't going out specifically to you, but to all the new whiners. Here's a message. Of all the things that were changed, Celestia's motivations and feelings were not one of them. They've simply been expanded and made clearer; this is how she was all along, if you would believe it.So stop complaining about revisions and enjoy the story.
I, sadly, think I agree with the people that say changing the old chapters without having the currently ongoing story finished was a mistake. I honestly don't wanna go back right now, reading all the 13 chapters. It would've been okay if you added a revisited version after you finished the final story, in my opinion. I would've gone through that version as well. This way it's obvious some people will be pissed, and this didn't have to happen. Why is it that patience is becoming such a rare good in the speedful times of nowadays?Don't get me wrong, I still like the story all-in-all. I like the writing, I like the flow and I like the plot all-in-all, even though it's still very classical. But then again, what is really "new" nowadays?
Nyx has Trixie's hat and cape.EQUESTRIA IS DOOMED.
Nexus dies! Rejoice everypony!
YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES *HOPS AROUND IN CIRCLES*
@AnonymousIndeed. The only thing that really has been done with Celestia is a great expansion and explanation of what she was going through. None of her reasoning for doing what she did is any different, and some of the expanded information directly plugs one of the plotholes in the story.If you haven't read yet, shut up and read it before you bitch about how they've ruined their own story. You'll find that almost every change made is drastically for the better without actually changing any of the events and emotions that drive what is going on.
Well… I think I'll just finish my reading of Chapter 13 and then go to bed–Mother of Celestia… new chapters…Confound those time zones!
@ JamesIt wasn't a mistake. They decided to change events to better suit how the future of the story would progress. While they were at it they just tidied things up a bit by updating all the chapters so the whole thing can read cohesively straight away. Considering the next update will most likely be the last (just me guessing now!) this makes sure everybrony has the most opportunity to experience the true story that the authors tried to present in the first place.And the people who are pissed off now will be calm again in 5 minutes. Such drama~!
@James (above post)The only major changes are chapters 9 and onward. If you don't want to re-read it all, just start there.Personally, I'm happy to re-experience the story again.
Nexus… has just earned himself a spot on my Grimdark list… …he is going to WISH he were tormented by Cupcakes' Pinkie Pie by the time I'm through with him…
Awww now i hate to remake my parody on Past Sins as well
Have*
To be honest, I can understand WHY they updated the past chapters. If the characters and their development had already been re-formed, they didn't have much of a choice but to re-edit the old chapters.Then again, I have to take into concideration that other ongoing fanfics are also not being drastically re-written so soon before the final chapter (I think I can say it's for sure it'll happen soon), and other stories with an ongoing flow of any kind (comics, novels etc.) usually also keep an old-version before doing a new version of it.Again, as I stated, I don't know if it was possible in this case, I understand the decisions of the authors, yet we should try to learn from this. The storie's pretty popular, so it's sad that it might get some harm in its reputation. I certainly learned something out of it, just to tell you. ^^(And btw, as said: I only complain about the re-vision fact in terms of the actual re-vision act, NOT about the content of the revision. Just to say before people call me a stupid whiner, which coming from this community would make me very sad. Sehr traurig indeed.)
So…When are the next chapters coming out? *Speedread everything already*
So far this is the only MLP fanfic I've read…after hearing about that 'cupcakes' nastiness and seeing a lot of mention of 'shipping' I was afraid to read *any* MLP fanfics (I'm a regular reader of anime fanfics) but this has to be one of the best fanfics I've *ever* read. I'd rate it right up there with works by such authors as Thrythlind, Jim Bader, and Richard Lawson.
So far, I only reread chapter 13 since I REALLY wanted to see how the story progressed. I'll reread the rest later. I love that you added part of Luna's fight scene and her conversation with NMM.I got torn up at the end of 16 with NMM saying she isn't Nyx since she believed Twilight would attack her. Though, I am looking forward to seeing NMM deal with Nexus, which I think he is being controlled by the magic just as much as he is controlling others.I'm curious how much longer the story will progress. I assume it will conclude rather quickly now that all the scenes in the image have been accounted for, even though I want this story to last longer.
Having re-read chapters 9-12 I must say, I don't see why any of this was necessary, save for Trixie's bit.Before, Celestia came off as a bit tyrannical yes, but it wasn't excessively so. Now, she's just so… soft. Too soft. I think she's even more OOC now than she was before. This in-turn made the scene with her trying to convince Twilight to give up Nyx awkward and no longer believable.Yes, there were a few nuances with her attitude in the original version, but nothing that took away from the quality of the story. Her personality actually made it all the sweeter when Luna confronted her, as it was the only time she wasn't able to use her authority to get her way.Speaking of Luna, in the original version I felt it odd that all she did was run from Nyx instead of stand up to her like she did in the revised edition, so I am glad that came to pass. Only it could have just as easily happened in the original too, if only a mention.Now, with them facing the threat together, Luna STILL flies off to a nearby city for god-knows-what reason? Why would either of them agree to that knowing that Nightmare Moon could attack at any time?The Trixie part was well-done and about the only revision I am happy with.Overall I don't understand why you revised it because it wasn't that bad to begin with, and now its worse than it was.
@Batty GloomOnce again, I direct you to chapter Zero where you and Pen stroke wrote: "After a few anxious moments Nexus saw what he had hoped for, the blood soaked dagger starting to float above the fire. The blood was drawn up from the dagger, formed into a single crimson sphere before the dagger itself was launched clear of the spell, its polished metal surface digging into a nearby tree.The central bowl then began to billow with black smoke, the shreds of Nightmare Moon starting to truly burn. The black smooth began to form and swirl around the large drop of blood. The fires from the wooden bowls began getting drawn in, the flames swirling and orbiting the spell’s focal point like water in a whirlpool.The drop of blood became encased in a black sphere, and that black sphere began to slowly grow. It drew in the fire and smoke, everything, and grew larger with each passing moment."All this presents is that Nyx has Twilight's blood flowing through her, plus Twilight's blood would carry any genetic information needed. You may have revised all the other chapters, but Chapter Zero was left alone and doesn't present any genetic change in the blood used. Plus we have Nyx's default mane color (purple as first revealed in chapter 1) to go by as a genetic trait. Now if it was night blue, indigo, or as blue as Luna's Mane (seeing as she was the original NNM) from the start, then you might have a bit more of a case, but the evidence still points to Nyx being Twilight's daughter.Heck, even all the fanart posted has the hair color match Twilight's when Nyx is still a filly.
I will do something that's probably very very unpopular right now.I ask that you keep in mind that Spell Nexus, if indeed he is being led by the remnant of Nightmare Moon, is also not at fault for what is happening. Afaik, he was merely the first and longest to fall under its sway, meaning that if he suffers what Nightmare Moon is implying right now, she would condemn somepony who is essentially innocent.There are likely enough posters calling for his head already, still I feel it's important to point that out. Twilight wasn't at fault for what she did, and neither is he. Either his situation is fundamentally different, or he should be held to the same standard.Nightmare Moon has shown herself capable of siphoning away her (!) corruption and free those afflicted. Honestly, once he is freed and faced with the things he inflicted upon his home, his friends and his former teacher… I do think would be punishment enough. Lord knows nopony is likely to forgive him, ever; Afer all, he isn't a filly, so he'll have a tougher time with ponies and readers alike.PS: The post above only makes sense if he is being manipulated like I interpreted. If he is not, if he is controlled by his own anger and hatred… then his situation reminds me of Luna.There was a happy end possible for that one as well. Saddling him with the "unredeemable evil to be vanquished" role, after all that's happened over the course of this story, just wouldn't sit right with me.
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dammit… Nyx is gonna die/be dispelled isn't she…?in an attempt to make things right shes going to free Celestia and Luna and have them dispel her.or maybe everything will turn out okay? (i doubt it, but i remain hopeful because Nyx is by far my and many other peoples favorite OC pony)
Oh… you so sneaky commissioned header artist. Twilight with closed eyes in the hanging scene… They planned this all along! Those fiends!
@DarkJesterEven ignoring that I think the changes made to the Trixie scene caused it to be the only one that ended up worse off than before, I'm not sure how you can say that the current changes weren't necessary (which, to be fair, only a couple of them were actually necessary), but a revision of the scene with the Elements failing was.What was wrong with the original Elements scene that needed to be fixed, and (more importantly), what exactly was improved by the revision? Because I don't see it.
@TenchiFreak5(Trixie wasn't acting like Trixie. Now she is. That was what was wrong and then fixed. And if Nightmare Moon's attempt at comedy felt out of place, it's supposed to be. Notice how nopony laughed at her joke.)
@IkusaGT(barely supressed laughter) I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but I don't think there's any way to say "He becomes his queen" without it sounding ridiculous!
Personally, I'm guessing that there's going to be another 4 chapters, since it was at the end of chapter 10 that they said that they were about half-way through, though that is only a guess… And who KNOWS if they're planning an epilogue or sequel to this story…
I'll be honest, the changes, for the most part, are appreciated…but I do think you made Celestia WAY too soft honestly. Still a great story, don't get me wrong…she just kinda comes off as weak now.
@Batty GloomI don't think changing her from one extreme to the other makes her any more in-character with the show than she was in the first revision.
I love the changes. It was already the best fanfic on here, but the only things stopping it from being PERFECT were Celestia and Trixie…Those problems are gone now; make of that what you will you wonderful person.Also those new chapters were great. I had a goofy smile on my face for both the CMC scene and the Pinkie scene.
@TenchiFreak5(We're not going to rewrite the chapter for a third time but I'm curious now. How would YOU fix it? I'm interested in criticism that tells me less what we did wrong and more on how to do it *right*.)
I already really dug this fic, but now? Augh, 6 stars isn't enough. Pen, Batty, I love you guys
Over the past 5 hours, I reread the whole story and the new chapters. This was one of my favorite pieces of fanfiction before; now I consider it the best fanfic I ever read.Too bad we can't give it a seventh star.
okay I took the time to start reading from the start, and I already hit the C1 change. This change was a good one as it made Twilight more fearful for the moment. I'll be getting into chapter 2 soon.Reader's Note: Knowing the blood revision this may change how already written events are re-perceived.
Update screw-up detected!Twi's note in Ch 12 used to have strikeouts. It no longer does.
My main issue with the revisions were that Twilight's reaction in chapter 10 when Nyx screamed mommy…didn't seem to fit anymore.
@Chaos Knux(Noted. I'm sure there are too many people in it to edit (editors should ALWAYS have access to their stories) but I'll fix it as soon as possible.)
@SethistoSorry about suggesting the email thing…
finished… reading… everything…its 5AM and it was so fucking awesome but…dat cliffhanger!
Love the story overall, most of the changes I can get behind, think you went a little too cry babyish with Nyx but that's not a big deal. However, I actually preferred a sterner Celestia. Ideally perhaps that meet somewhere in between but the initial depiction was closer to what I envision. New chapters were very good and have me greatly anticipating the end of this story which seems as if should be close.
Very, very good update. Loved every minute of it.Critisisms:Personally I found alot of the emotional impact of chapter 13 was lost what with Trixie being so overconfident. Plus I think she would be more FALSE Bravado than being genuinly confident. At least, that's the way she was when she tried defeating the Ursa Minor with a 3 meter rope. And I felt the trick Nyx pulled went on a little too long. The simple 'Boo' was enough for my taste but that may be just me.Also you might want to re-slip in the refrance to the Children of Nightmare brainwash spreading thing (In chapter 10 when they were taking out Celestia) that got wiped out with the revision.Everything Else:But if you think I'm dissapointed you'd be DEAD FREAKING WRONG! You did a very good job at rewriting Nyx. And this time I was able to read through Celestia's motivations and dialouge without wanting to freaking MURDER HER.Smart move explaining where the Children of Nightmare got the proper magic and materials to summon N.M.M. I didn't catch it before but the way Nyx started to grow basicly for no reason in Chap. 10 V1 was kinda strange.Unfortanatly We can't symbolize your improvements with the ratings system becouse 6/5 stars is already 1 more than arithmaticly possible.
I do think you made Celly a bit too soft, but the revisions are fine. Nyx mocking Trixie did help show that she was the same filly as before.As for Nexus, I'm thinking that he isn't possessed by the remnants of Nightmare Moon. He's been swallowed by his own darkness, like Luna.
6 isn't enough anymore. This story needs over 9000 stars.The effort in the rewrites delivers tenfold- it flows so much better than it did, the logic is easier to trace, and the new chapters throw us back into the chaos. Can't wait to see the continuation!
Loved the new chapters. Im really wondering what will happen to nightmare moon when nexus is finished. But i have a sneaking feeling the we will never see filly nyx again :(Also i wish i had the drive to read it all over again. But alas no. Good story but i dont like rereading anything.
Stupid blogger ate my comment, so let me try this again.@Batty GloomCombo between the two.Trixie in the first version was more timid than Fluttershy. Trixie in the current version is self-absorbed far beyond the point of stupidity. First one fits the scene a little bit better strictly based on the situation as it was presented. Current one fits the scene a little bit better strictly based on the character. Combining the two would basically solve the problem.Even the strongest Trixie apologist will admit that Trixie spends most of the episode being kind of a boastful bitch (the actual reasons for that being something that will surly be debated throughout time, but that's not my point), and even the biggest Trixie hater will admit that Trixie didn't keep up her antics when things first went to shit for her in the episode (and, again, personal interpretations for why she acted that way will be different from person to person); so the events in Boast Busters suggest some kind of middle ground to be the best option. Like, being just as haughty at the start as she was in the story now, but swinging towards her original characterization when things end up going wrong; which as a bonus would also show that it was just a front for how scared she was and restore all of the emotional impact lost from the original scene.In Boast Busters, she knew there was stuff that she wasn't capable of doing, but it took basically everything going completely to hell for her to admit it to others. In the first version, she was so terrified that she had to be goaded into doing anything. In this one, she seems to think herself an unstoppable force of nature even after things go to hell. I don't think either one is truly accurate to what the canon events of the show imply, hence my comment about how she seemed to swing from one extreme to the other.For what its worth, I think the current one would be easier to "fix" than the original one (so if I was talking objectively I would say it was the better of the two), but I just prefer the original one because it didn't outstay its welcome (or, rather, it wasn't really any better all things considering, but it was shorter so it was easier to let it go) and because it carried more emotional weight than this one does.
I, for one, applaud the changes in Celestia's character. Not in an "it's about time you got her right!" kind of way, though.What we are dealing with here is an incomplete work. As such, revisions like that are quite allowed. And it was not just kneeling down to your fans' wishes, either, but a genuine realization that you were writing her out of character. So one way or another, you were sure to fix the characterization. And doing so by revising the previous chapters is loads better than doing some lazy ret-con in later chapters where everyone's all "well, she wasn't really mean or bad, because she felt really bad about it."
WELP. There goes my afternoon now.
I gotta say I have become obsessed with this fiction, to the point it's the only one I'm interested in reading now. I'm glad to see it finally updated. I resorted to spoilers to avoid rereading it all, but it all seems okay to me. Celestia always struck me as a more compassionate ruler, but that might be because we've never seen her encounter a canon crisis.Also, I discovered the following song around the same time as I was reading this for the first time. For some reason, it seems appropriate for this fic. No really, listen to this while staring at the amazing cover art. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cnMq-k5ciTY&list=FL2MpR8NFzNtc&index=15
@AnonymousI hope your sneaking feeling is wrong
1. The changes, at least the ones I noticed in my skimming, definitely make the story MUCH better. The way Nyx-mare Moon subdues the Royal Guard is much more interesting than the original, and her reveal to Celestia a lot more sinister. It was VERY fun to read. Giving Luna her own scene was not only good but struck away from the cliche melodrama of "Oh I defeated your sister on the way over here".Celestia's manner may have been a bit overdone but it's still better and clearer than it was before.Nyx's character still felt a bit flat though. However…2. It is VERY good that Nyx is doing and thinking for herself now. She is no longer a plot vehicle, she's a character, THE most important character. These new chapters and any upcoming ones may well rescue her from the scrappy heap.3. Cliffhangers are mean, if brutally effective >:[
Also, Batty, the fake German accent is really bugging me (as well as a few others from what I see). It makes everything you say in text outright illegible, and it is all around annoying. Also, it is rather insulting to real Germans. I should know, I tried pulling similar schnit in the DA chat back when I was young and stupid. Some German dude came down on me like a ton of bricks. Needless to say, I'm currently learning PROPER German.I'm sorry to be so blunt, but I feel that needed to be said.
@BugsydorPfft! You think that's something? I just moved halfway across the COUNTRY about two months ago. Outdone.WHY? WHY WON'T CHAPTER 14 WORK? WHY CAN'T I GET TO IT!?!?!?
Lolwut, NExus is going to be hung.
DAT CLIFF. I AM HANGING FROM IT. BY MY TEETH.I mean for the luvva crap, I mean DAMN, I just… need to know…. and…. Hgggggg
Too obvious, Nyx, way, way too obvious….
@blitzthedragonFine, have it your way. Spoil my fun with my own damn OC. I know you can't see it here but no less than three actual German guys said it wasn't offensive, just so you know.
@AnonymousWhat does that mean? Expand your comment, please. We're not mind readers here…
15- "I shall hold dominion over both /heavily/ orbs…"*heavenly
@Pen Stroke and Batty GloomI'm hoping that… since you don't have to revise all 13 chapters this time, the next update will come sooner!? 😀
Chapter 2She had also demonstrated an interest in learning, or at least an interest in reading. The past few night, Should be: She had also demonstrated an interest in learning, or at least an interest in reading. The past few nights,
At the end of chapter 16… when Nightmare Moon says she is no longer Nyx, I think this is one of the most intense and profound concepts presented in this story, and that is saying A LOT. After I read that, it was like all the puzzle pieces clicking into place, I had the sudden realization of Nyx's true nature. She is not Nightmare Moon. This much is clearly evident. Nightmare Moon was born of Luna and her jealous hatred. Nyx was different. She was born of the fragments of Nightmare Moon, but fused with the magic of the Everfree Forest and of Twilight's own blood, her own flesh, her OWN DAMN LIFE FORCE!!! But now, things have changed, and it is no longer Nyx, nor is it Nightmare Moon. What is she now? She is not sure, all she knows is that her Past Sins are a part of who she is, regardless of when she happened.I hope, with ever ounce of my soul, that Twilight's daughter returns. I know that this stuff really doesn't matter! A fake story based off of a fake TV show about unicorns and magic, but darn it my heart is in this now!!! I would be truly at a loss if Nyx doesn't come back.So I ask you, Pen Stroke and Batty Gloom, please return our Nyx. If not for us, do it for Twilight. It would break my heart into a thousand pieces to never see one of the most beloved ponies ever to have walked Equestria.
Not a grammatical error, though I did notice a few that I don't remember at this point, but I want to point something out. When Twilight is considering what she is to Nyx in Chapter 6, she clearly states that she held sleepovers for the crusaders, and yet, in chapter ten, she says that the one at Sweet Apple Acres will be Nyx's first one. I understand that being skipped over, with them not coming in the same update, but it just throws me out of an otherwise flawless as far as I can tell fanfic, much better than pretty much every novel I have read ever
I am having a total wingasm over this
This story feels like a mix of clannad and star wars, and I have to say it's pretty legit. I know if any of you have watched/played clannad and read the part where nyx screamd mommy that whole sad piano theme starts to play in your head.
i never really see this mentioned, but couldn't the Elements of Harmony also be used to return nyx to her former form (assuming she wants to)?The first time the elements are used, back when NMM and celestia first fought, they were used to make celestia more powerful and let her banish her sister. She didn't want to hurt her sister, so this means that the EoH aren't limited to just destroying things.When the main six use the EoH they don't know it's luna being controlled, they are shocked when they learned she was celestias sister, so their intentions when using them were to protect equestria which meant defeating NMM.So we have 2 different uses for the EoH, banishment ans pseudo-destruction. So it stands to reason that since twilight guides the spell when they use the EoH she could, in theory, use them to reverse the second spell cast on nyx and turn her back into a filly; letting her live a normal life.I have no idea how they would get an opportunity to do this, perhaps sometime during nyx's fight with nexus (if there is one), but it seems that this would be one of the few ways that they could restore / save nyx.
Yay, Retribution!
reading chapter 9 and 10 changes….the original was better,but well i always thought i was the only one not complaining about the original version :(ill keep reading change……
Must… have… chapter 17…BRAVO, SIR.BRAVO.I may just have to do some fan-music for this…
Each chapter has a cliffhanger, I love that especially the end.. I havent seen anything like this in a loong time.
@Batty GloomAre ponies STILL complaining about your accent Batty? WHY!? Its just an accent!! I dont have any trouble reading it, and in fact, I love reading it with the Medic's accent, as you said it sounds like! I mean really, come on, get off his back, bronies!
If anyone wants the pre-update version of the first 14 (including the Prelude) chapters, for whatever reason that they would…I have them in my dropbox this as we blab.
P.S.:I don't know why, I don't know how but looks like after reading a collection of sad pony stories I'm inmune to most of the resourses you use to evoke emotions on your readers. It's a shame.Anyway I loved how you managed the scene where Twilight was about to be hung, but it could have had little bit more of tension. Again, I don'tknow if I became inmune to touching stories.
So I can either reread the entire series or just move along like nothing happened? If I didn't know that this series was already great, I wouldn't even bother with the former. However, I'm interested in the changes you described in the revision summary. Onward to Chapter 0!
Great, you just made me re-read basically the entire story again. It's 6 in the morning over here right now, and I will probably have to close the blinds all the way to still get some sleep with the sun coming up… but totally worth it. :PI only have to say that at a few points in chapter 14-16 the whole "Who am I supposed to be?" inner debate felt a teeny bit too dragged out. Although I'd have no clue which parts to leave out or cut down to change that. And it seemed that in the rewrite of the older chapters a not insignificant ammount of mistakes snuck in. One thing I noticed in particular were missing articles. Oh well, didn't bother me too much in the end.==================================@Batty GloomI am an actual German, and while I certainly wouldn't call it offensive, it does come across as a bit… belittling? Patronising?I really don't expect that to be your intention, but to me it reminds me a bit of people coming up to me with the utterly creative comment 'Ha, you must be Irish! to my ginger hair. A stupid stereotype used for amusement by someone who's not affected by it.May sound harsh, but be assured that I don't see it as critically as it may sound. What peeves me a lot more than that is the fact that it simply makes your posts harder to read. :PBut yeah, I'm not going to RAAAAGE about it. Everyone's allowed to do as they please, after all, so if that's your little tick, so be it. *shrug*
I really hope Spell Nexus gets killed off in a truly epic way, either in a Family Unfriendly Death or a Disney Villain Death where he falls from a high place to his death, or maybe even a combination of the two, like an accidental hanging or something. Seriously, I despise that miserable snake (sorry, Twilight) enough to believe he deserves it.I also hope this doesn't mean killing off Nyx. She deserves redemption in more ways than one.
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@Chaos Knuxlink please ? OwO
@ Chaos Knux: while your updating the Tropes page, please note that the "the Corruption" can also now, as of the latest chapter (16) the Puppeteer Parasite trope could also apply to it.
Oh… that last chapter, 16… I was so happy when NMM let the CMC go in such a… Pinkie Pie way to be honest. But then Nexus… Ooo, I want to strangle him so badly! Poor little Nyx… I hope someone can convince her that forgiveness is possible. She'll never be the same, but there's still a chance she can have a normal life surrounded by ponies who care about her.As to the re-writes, I was apprehensive at first, but you made Celestia SO MUCH BETTER this time! Bravo! I was fine with the original, but I really sympathized with her this time.Pen, Batty, keep knocking me off my feet and finish strong. I'm rooting for you.
Revised and updated? well there goes my weekend
>>>>>>*****SLIGHT SPOILER*****<<<<<<<I myself prefer the original chapter 10, it felt more heartbreaking and real, I actually felt the emotion, in the new one, it kinda seems like you were just repeating the same statement again and again. this is still pretty good.
THIS POST CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILERS. STOP READING IT IF YOU HAVEN'T AT LEAST READ TO THE NEW CHAPTER 9 OR THE CHANGE SUMMARY…I just read the Changes Summary before continuing to the new chapters and… I'm less-than-pleased. Nyx's new character reminds me of myself from that period of life, and isn't that far off from what I imagined her as before, in fact, my headcanon probably ramped her old self up to that level before anyway, but… I didn't think she was Sue-ish in the slightest, and thought those complainers were nuts. My reaction to the Nyx changes is near-complete indifference, leaning towards disappointment the very slightest amount possible. This is no longer quite the filly I fell in love with.Love of Fic Change: +/- 0Chapter 9, change 1. Nyx not revealing her eyes. Why? What the hell difference does that make? The outcome was the same, and I'd have bought it if immediately after seeing that the CMC didn't care about her wings she got a little braver and offered the eyes on her own.Love of Fic Change: -1My headcanon is now a fusion of what I like from both Old!Nyx and New!Nyx.Celestia and Luna's redos are gold, and I'm glad you made them.Love of Fic Change: +2As for the new spell cast in the ritual with the CoN and Celestia… I liked the imagery you had before with the scanner spell, and seeing it missing now… that scene just feels incomplete.Love of Fic Change: -1Overall, you haven't changed my feelings of the fic at all, but having perfectly accepted the old Nyx in to my heart, the new Nyx just seems… wrong. I'm just going to pretend the old Nyx is the one I'm looking at through Nightmare, because I might lose interest in the fic and stop reading otherwise.Sorry, but I guess the changes just weren't meant for me. Glad I saved the old version.
…You killed it.At least, you killed chapter 10.The scene with Nyx yelling "MOMMY!"lost a lot of its emotional power.
@Anonymous Ah yes, that it has. That part was one of the only 3 things in the past 10 years to get any tears from me.1) Circle of Friends Challenge2) My dog of 13 years died.3) "MOMMY!!!!"I forgot about that.Love of Fic has decreased. REALLY glad I kept the old versions.
Oh man this is fantastic. The writings excellent as far as fanfiction I've read goes.I'm on Chapter 3 now, and the character development for Nyx is amazing. I'm actually caring for her as if she were a legitimate character developed by the official pony team.This is just brilliant. I should've read this sooner. Oh well, sleep is for the weak!
“And you brought her to Ponyville?!” The fashion design half-shouted.should be: “And you brought her to Ponyville?!” The fashion designer half-shouted.
Oh, i forgot to mention, chapter 2 still.
@Anonymous Probably because you'd read it before?
I realize that Nyx had some Mary Sue type qualities to her, but it wasn't really bad. It honestly would have been fine as it was. Just my opinion.
Deleted my earlier comment. Wasn't happy how I worded.I do like the changes with the earlier chapters. However Nyx had a bit too many crocodile tears for my taste. I do understand you wanted to exemplify her characteristics more but I liked her when she had more of a backbone and was a little more confident in herself and her magic. At times her tears seemed a bit unneeded in certain situations ie the sleepover when she revealed her alicorn state. But I digress, I do hope if nyx does get chance to live her life out as a filly that her experience of Nightmare Moon toughens her up. I think everyone can say it certainly has. I also like what you have done with Nexus he seems a bit more crazier in this Draft than the last version.*Spoilers and Speculation* however given the fact that we know how Nexus' Blessing works would it be possible for Nyx to cure Nexus as she did Twilight? Or is Nexus in a state where he is beyond salvation? Will Nexus attempt some crazy spell that gives him full control over Nyx or take her divine powers away for his own? Find out next time on PONY BALL Z*I'm more satisfied with this comment Keep up the good work you two even with the changes I still like the story
@Chaos KnuxYou DO realize that the old version isn't going to be updated or going to affect the new chapters anymore, right?Just saying….Sorry to hear that you don't like the revisions but Pen Stroke and I do and while there isn't much we can do about that one *small* part in chapter 10, we're much happier with the rest of the fic as a whole. That and I'm learning the hard way that apparently it's impossible to please everyone, no matter how much I wished I could…
You know, Cupcakes effected me very little, I'm a tough brony to impress. But after reading the latest Past Sins, I cried like a baby! Pen Stroke deserves to have an award made up and given to him. 🙂
Well shit there goes my day. Now I have to reread this.Well I can think worst ways to spend a lazy Saturday :).
@Batty GloomMajor rule of… well, anything: you can NEVER please everyone. Trying to only alienates some who liked your work before, creating a vicious cycle that results in nothing but junk. So long as you're satisfied and a fair majority of readers approve of all but small details, you're doing quite well.
You better not let Nyx die… I already want to brutally murder Nexus enough. Cupcakes is too nice for him…
I want to hate you for making me re-read the entirety of this fic. I really do…But… I just… can't. I can't. It's too good. Ok, so apparently I do not yet possess a discerning enough eye to have spotted the issues that others brought up with the previous version of Past Sins, though I can see them in retrospect, but that said I really, actually, thoroughly enjoyed reading the first edition.And this blew it out of the water. Or something less violent and more pony-like. So while part of me wants to be upset that I had to re-read the story to get the full effect a much bigger part is thrilled that you care enough about your fic to take a hammer to it (had to have been painful and frustrating at points) and make it better. I don't a single minute I've spent with this edition (I just finished chapter 16) and I especially enjoyed the changes to Celestia and Luna (oh and the new content too! I'm waiting with bated breath for one Spell Nexus to get his). So well done you two. Well done.
You know, I actually think the changes are fine. Yes, Chapter 10 does not pack as emotional a punch as before (and the dialogue between Celestia and Twilight becomes a little redundant), it still manages to keep everyone in character. In fact, it makes Twilight seem less heartless for letting Nyx go.And I was initially worried about Nyx being too much of a crybaby, but after much thought I realized that it actually works. She doesn't want to look like a coward in the eyes of the community (let alone in the eyes of her friends and Twilight). This only adds to when she becomes Nightmare Moon, amplifying her desire to be who she thinks she must be in the eyes of others. This whole journey is about this young alicorn coming to terms with who she is and being able to forgive herself of her mistakes and see herself not as a monster, but as somepony worthy of the love of others and of her own love. It's a wonderful character arc, and I commend both authors for improving it vastly with very minor tweaks. Celestia and Luna are more in character and their scenes feel more organic, and Luna's confrontation with Nightmare Moon actually has some resonance for a later point in the plot instead of just catering to the fans.And, for what it's worth, I actually really enjoyed Trixie. "The Great and Powerful Trixie never runs away! She only makes tactical retreats!" made me laugh pretty hard. All in all, I'm enjoying this story quite a bit, and I eagerly await the thrilling conclusion to your tale. I only hope Nyx comes to forgive and accept herself.
Now that i've FINALLY caught up. (No small task due to distractions)…you'd better not kill Nyx…T_T
I can't read this anymore. It feels like a different story now! I loved the last Nyx! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GO AND FUCKING CHANGE HER!!!!
Even moar plz?
I called it. I frikken called it. I knew that Spell Nexus would end up doing something stupid in order to try to get Nyx back on the path of being the bitch-queen of darkness. I knew it was going to backfire.Now I'm waiting for Nexus to be utterly crushed by a truly, deeply pissed off Nightmare Moon. Oh, you want your queen of darkness? Guess what? You got her. And you've just tried to kill one of the few ponies she loves. You're going to die. And die horribly, and no number of blessed guards and dark magic is going to protect you from your beloved Night Goddess.
Yeah I hope you really didn't expect you could please everyone. This is the internet after all. The Celestia and Luna stuff was a *big* improvement. Nyx I'm not sure I'm so happy with. She was a Mary Sue but that was the entire point. Building her up as this adorable ragamuffin that wasn't even a character so much as a symbol of the happiness of childhood and Twilight's joy at being a mother.So some people complained about the Mary Sue aspect because their suspension of disbelief was ruined. But in making the character more flawed you took away from the concept that Nyx represents in the story, turning her from a kazoo blowing ball of awwwwwwww into a bit of a wimp.So yeah as Theron said there trying to only alienates people who liked your work before, creating a vicious cycle.In general though you've pasted up the plot holes and I eagerly look forward to a continuation
@Batty Gloom "If you try to please everypony you wind up pleasing nopony"- suited for Success
@DakarosOnly for the sake of providing options to those who are disappointed in new Nyx. I find that taking the old Nyx, and dumping her into the revisions since Chapter 8 on works as a pretty good compromise.Also, That soulscanner spell was awesome and I hate the haters that convinced Pen and Gloom to ax it.I read Chapter 14 with the 8-bit Cutie Mark Crusader Theme by RainbowCrash88 playing on an infinite loop. It ended just as I finished the final line. I've got to choose now, either keep my "things that made me cry" count to 3 and count the entire fic as one item, or extend it to 5, the entirety of Chapter 14's encounter, and Twist comforting the depressed Nyxmare.Love restored to neutral position
@AnonymousHmmm…I see what you're typing… but that bit about Nyx was kind of the point. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, but in review, it seemed that Nyx had no real weakness, which was something that we felt needed to be addressed. if it makes you feel better, Nyx is still cute and fun-loving on her own terms, so it's not like we took out all of her cute moments; we just tried to tempered them a bit, since every character needs some flaws.Or at least, we wanted to have less of a symbol and more of an actual character.You can't have character development if there is no character.
Yeah, while I stand by not caring for the Celestia edits as much, you can't please everyone, and as a whole, the reworkings work to the stories benefit. I actually appreciate Luna and Nyx more in this story now.
@Chaos KnuxUh derrr Forgot to paste the link.http://dl.dropbox.com/u/28707822/Past%20Sins.zip
@IkusaGTThat's all well and good, a creator needs to be able to hold to their vision, but an artist or a designer who doesn't listen to the client (either readers or commissioners) will never succeed. I'm an architecture student, and I faced much grief in the past year because I was unwilling to listen to the opinions of others, and thus unwilling to look beyond my own thoughts. As a result I created a flat, uninspired mess in the first semester. Second semester, I broadened my horizons, listened to criticism, and created something much more evocative and complete.Pen Stroke and Batty did the right thing here.
@AnonymousWhoops! Which chapters was that mistake made? I'll fix it in the morning after I get some sleep.
Yeah! Vengeance time! Time to kick Spell Nexus' square in his fetlocks. Also, good work everyone, we have officially reclaimed the most popular story slot.YEAH! NEW CHAPTERS ARE AWESOME!And now some light criticism. I kinda preferred some of the originally scenes in the first draft of the fic. Mostly I felt the portrayal of Celestia was better before. I know she's not a tyrant and I get a better feel for the fear driving her actions, but she had more of a forceful hand at not allowing harm to come to her kingdom or her sister. Also, I liked the addition of Luna's scene but I would have preferred to see the scene when she had left on her own to confront Nightmare Moon against Celestia's orders. It showed the divide between them. I doubt they would have separated in the presence of Nightmare Moon otherwise. Either way, its your fic (if Pen Stroke is reading this that is) so do with it what you will. I still like it regardless. Rock on my fellow Brony.
@ Batty GloomSo what's it going to be now? Hang mare's noose?
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@Batty GloomI see, well… the three completely new chapters totally made up for it in my eyes.All I'm saying is, the changes in Nyx's character were things I found implicitly already there, that you just made explicit. I can truely tell you that with the events in Chapters 0 through 7 as they were before, and 8-13 on the revised editions, the story isn't jarring to my brain in the least.
I wasn't saying that they shouldn't listen to criticism it's just that I was saying you can't always please em all
@Pen StrokeYou are one of my favorite authors here on EqD. I have read 3 of your stories, namely Changing Octaves (Brilliant), Better Living Through Science and Ponies (Read it at least three times) and Past Sins (This seriously almost made me cry). You are incredible.
Pen StrokeYouAreMyFreakingIdolMy only complaint about the rewrite is that the moment when Celestia is taking away Nyx just… doesn't flow anymore. It might just be me, but Twilight's reason to scream for her child that strongly just sort of… went *poof* after you killed Celestia's OOC. Then again, I can see the difficulty you and your team must have had to manage that.For Nyx's character in the beginning, I can't say you went wrong. Nyx does feel more of an enjoyable character, even if it was by a mere margin.Unfortunately, your grave mistake was the process of the rewrite. This story gained so much popularity, that changing it only created negative feedback from some. This is unfortunate, but I wish the best of luck to this story's legacy. I find it a disgrace that humanity is very hesitant to change.But you, as the author, had the full right to carry out this action, especially since the fic is still technically incomplete. I respect you carrying out the revision even with the risk that you might lose a significant number of fans. You are keeping me for the impact this story has made in my thought and philosophy, as well as for providing me a story that I could enjoy. Rarely have I felt like I could enjoy literature again since about 5 years ago. Fanfiction has proved me wrong, and Past Sins stands out as the epitome.
Wow, I go to bed and less than 5 seconds after, I realize why I'm hurt so much by the Nyx character changes.You say you wanted her to have a weakness? SHUT UP on that.She already did… she cared too much about what other ponies thought. and this still holds true, all you've done from what I've seen is give her a set of random cocktail injections of Fluttershy and Serena from Sailor Moon's US dub by DiC.You took her, and over-weakened her. In my eyes, she is now Anti-Sue.
Just a bit too much crying now. I understand the importance of having a character who has flaws so that they are believable, but Nyx is now crying at every moment possible. Not fond of this change. The part where Twilight tells her about how she was found does not really warrant sobbing. If there are any revisions past this point, just pull that back a teensy bit. It's just as dangerous to have all emotional moments filled with tears as it is to have a Mary Sue, maybe even more so. Just a thought…
@Chaos KnuxFor me, before the edits, as much as Nyx was the center…I honestly didn't get much from her as a character other than 'innocent and naive' which is supposed to be a driving point for her. I really like the new characterization more, and I feel she works better as a character, not just a focal point.
This story just keeps topping itself. Wonderful, wonderful work, Pen Stroke. Both you and Batty Gloom are doing an excellent job with this. The improvements in chapters 14, 15, and 16 are very evident, and it's a significant difference from previous chapters. Keep up the astounding work!
This is my #1 favorite story and i can't wait for the next chapters to come out. I love this story
So chances are the next update will be the last right?…Wonder how it'll all end. Honestly, this is currently my favorite MLP fan fiction, and I don't expect that to change anytime soon.
So these edits are good, though I think some of the skittishness has been a little too heavy handed. One thing I think could be improved over all is dialogue rendering — taking a moment to pause and go inside a characters head and add some beats would really improve some of these scenes.
There's so much hype with this story…But.. So… Long…Is it worth reading?
I want nyx back and if she doesn't comeback as an adorable ball of concentrated d'aww then I will personally rip a hole in the time votex and fix this whole thing personally. she's still in there apart of the recreated NMM. I'm not ready for this to require the anthem of the angels. which is actually a really good song but it admit's defeat and lost hope.
At the moment I'm just gonna keep reading and treat the new revisions as a "Director's Cut" to be read after the story is completed. So I can read them in marathon or leisure from the begining where the changes will be less distracting and I can actually notice them.Liking the prelude to Payback that's on the horrizon. What are the odds that Nexus and his cronies got all of NMMoon's evil while little Nyx got everything else.
Great story! A couple slight errors I noticed. When Nyx first goes to the library to get the cloak and Spike is coming back, rarity mentions that he's welcome to continue staying with her and Sweetie Bell. The only problem with this is that the CMC are residing in the dungeon at this point…Also, I saw a couple times where peeking was spelled as peaking instead.A couple minor quibbles. Today was the first time I read the story, and already I can't wait to see it finished!
I just spent six hours rereading the old chapters and then reading the new chapters.All I want to say is…MOAR! NAO!11 out of 10 for the new chapters, especially chapter 16. Atthay earedfay anginghay enescay…
OhmygoshOhmygoshOhmygoshOhmygoshOhmygoshOhmygoshOhmygoshOhmygoshOhmygoshThisStoryIsAwesome. More. ASAP.
The first version, it was obviously a fanfic, but a good fanfic. Now if it became a movie, I'd say its legit, Celestia acts like she's suppose to; Luna doesn't just disappear, she actually has a story now; Nightmare Moon/ Nyx acts like she doesn't want to be evil at first, but then she acts good. I would gladly pay you Tuesday, for more chapters today.
I really with this were also posted to FiMFic or FFnet.I really want to read this, but the time I get for reading, I'm typically away from my computer. I usually read fics on my Nintendo 3DS browser, but it only supports FF, FiMFic, and DA links. Google Docs won't work on it, and it severely limits what stories I can read regularly.Lets show some support for FiMfic and have these posted up there too!Nyx looks super cute. I hope she's good in the end. I'm not gonna read any comments till I can actually read this story.
You kind of over compensated trying to establish Nyx as a crybaby, and literally make me feel like you are almost begging when trying to convince me that she is a crybaby; instead of just establishing it with the content of the story. (You do a bit to much telling, instead of showing.)Just back off of lines like; "In her own words, Dash pointed out that Nyx was kind of a crybaby, and that she could stand a bit of toughening up."Again, just either write the scene, or let the prior paragraph, that more than establishes Nyx's crying, do the work. Don't explain it to us.
@Chaos Knuxthank you for the link, really thanks, you save me love for the fanfic hehehejust read chapter 13 againabout the changes, as i already said i like the originals more than the updates… i feel the scene of Nyx being taken way was more powerful on the original, more dramatic and shocking, really hurt mt hearth and made me crypersonally i would like to see the Luna Vs Night Mane Nyx fight before the one Vs Celestis, like teh original order, i will just pretend that happened beforesome details form the original dialogs are better like night mare nyx yeling to celestia "Is this not what is expected of me?" for the rest i can see it in my mind as en epic light saber battle (battle of the heros form episode 3 on my playlist the hole time in loop lol)about trixie, i kinda like her a bit sacred you would say love -1, but the rest of teh scne was good, love +1i didnt read the whole thing again just the featured changes on the chapter, so im not fully aware of nyx changes but i will just pretend the changes doesn't exist at allthe changes made me think about not reading the new chapter…still "hope is the last thing you lose" so i ill read 14-16 in the morning after breakfast lolones again , thank you fo rteh link Chaos :)original version FTW!!!!!! 😀
I's a gorram novel!
For the most part I like the changes, though many seemed a bit too much, as people above said. Trixie was a bit too boastful. I liked the changes to Nyx, but she was weakened just a bit much. That said, I'm content with the revisions. I'd rather get new chapters than everything get revised again.Also, I do so very very much hope that this does not end in a way that earns it a [Sad] tag, and the only way I can see it not ending sadly is if Nyx is somehow made back into a filly…which would take some pretty good writing to make plausible…but I bet Pen Stroke if anyone can do it.
Personally, in chapter 10 I felt you could have ramped up the drama a bit. Perhaps a bit more protesting, Twilight refusing to meet Nyx's eyes (perhaps a "go with Celestia, Nyx"), and Nyx crying that she's sorry for whatever it was she did wrong, as well as Spike freaking out. It just doesn't have the punch the original version did, even if everypony's motives are clearer.Also, I was saddened that the 'mirror to the soul' bit was removed. It would still work well, Nexus needs one last confirmation, after all, and he tricks Celestia into draining some of her magic while he's at it. On Celestia's side, she could go into denial or freeze up as she realises what she must now do, which distracts her enough for the cult to knock her aside.
Hi, I was wondering if there is a link somewhere to the original version. I really don't like Nyx in the new version as she no longer come off as believable. Have spent most my life around high intelligence children, Nyx was a spot on match of "profoundly gifted" kids in the first version. Now she's seems more to be more of a generic child, which makes no sense for me if she is suppose to have high intelligence. The new version also seems to be pandering to many of the complainers, and has way to many scenes trying to convince the reader that Nyx is now "a crybaby".Either way, just requesting a link to the original if that's at all possible.
It took me so long to re-read this, but it was worth it.Ok, first of all, the revision. It was great. Now, I'm not one of those people who thought that Nyx was a Mary Sue, but I did think the changes to her character were an improvement. I especially liked how though Rainbow Dash liked Nyx well enough she was still dimissive of her. She saw her as just Twilight's Nerdy, crybaby cousin. Also, the whole story just was much nicer to read. Small flaws in grammer and the like were cleared up, and though I still noticed a few mistakes the editing was much nicer then it once was.Next, an important aspect of the revision: Celestia's character. So spot on this time around. Loved it so much. I was a major critic of how she was characterized at first, but this is so much better. There might be a little impact lost when Celestia takes Nyx away, but I think the story still works better as a whole. Besides, a lot of the impact of the first version of the scene was Nyx being dragged off to a very near definite execution. Current version still has Twilight stand doing nothing as her daughter is dragged away, that's still impactful.Alright, new content. Poor Nyx. I'm really looking forward to where this character is going. I hope she herself is wrong and there is a way for Nyx to come back. Also, I'm hoping to see Spell Nexus get what's coming to him. I mean, maybe he can be saved if he was the first subject of the "blessing", but I can't help but feel too much of his evil must have been a part of him already.
I guess what I'm trying to say is chapter 10 should NOT pull ANY punches. It needs to hit the reader like an emotional battering ram, which the original did. In comparison, the new version is somewhat lacking.
@Chaos KnuxThis is the last time I'll respond to you directly, because it's apparent you're going to keep complaining until we revert Nyx, which isn't going to happen.Did you even *read* the trope entry to Anti Sue? Because I did. And here is what it says."When other characters still worship her and the plot still bends over backwards to facilitate her, she's still a Mary Sue, despite now being described as an unspeakably ugly and incredibly pathetic loser. This can actually be even more annoying than a vanilla Mary Sue — at least it makes some sort of sense for characters to worship a beautiful, friendly, hypercompetent Mary Sue, but when they're physically ugly with an unpleasant personality and can barely tie their own shoes (much less solve other people's problems) and everyone still treats them like the greatest thing since sliced bread, Willing Suspension of Disbelief gets smashed into tiny little pieces."The thing is, Nyx was too easily accepted in the first version. She had literally no enemies except for Diamond Tiara or Silver Spoon. Now we've taken some of her actions into account, INCLUDING her new characterization. And guess what? Someone who asks too many questions and is overly sensitive isn't going to be liked by everyone, which she was in the first version. The crowd all applaused her tug-a-war, where as in this version more of them are shocked, as they should be.Josh gets it when he says that "innocent and naive" isn't enough to make a character. And even if you don't like a character because of his flaws…that's kind of the point! A character shouldn't be liked by everyone because of their flaws or even their good points! No matter how good a person is, they'll always rub someone else the wrong way just because of personality differences alone.If you don't like the changes, despite all the improvements in spelling, grammar, flow, removing the OOCness, fine, I can take that. But to keep whining, to keep complaining, to keep trying to rewrite the story AGAIN just for the sake of one person (yourself)… yeah, we're not going to do that. We changed the story in response to critics we agreed with; those critics were able to back up their criticism with logical arguments, not emotional reactions. I do apologize if this sounds rude but I don't think you understand how you come off as a reader.(And for the record, I have no idea who Serena is, so your analogy is meaningless to me. And as for Fluttershy, not only did we mentioned that already in the story, you seem to forget that she has changed over the course of the show too.)
To tell you the truth, I liked the old Chapter 13 better. All these "improvements" just seem like a way to shut up the complainers. You should be focused on writing the story you want to write and not be so concerned about what your readers think.
@AnonymousWe *are* focusing on telling the story that we want to. That's why we changed it in the first place. We could have easily kept the opening scene the same but after reading it again, Pen Stroke, felt like it was still missing something. That's when he went in the new direction because he liked it better.And if we really were "giving into complainers" we would have either stopped writing the story now or revert it at the request of the new complaints. We agreed to the old criticism which is why we did what we did.
@AnonymousThanks for pointing out those errors; already corrected.Seriously, Pen Stroke and I love readers like you, so don't be afraid to point out mistakes like that we can easily correct.
I'm not a fan of improving already started and not yet finished story. Grammar correction, OK. Explain some past things in next updates, sounds good. But making some changes in story are not the way in my opinion. Fortunately it didn't end like for Joseph Grand in The Plague, but still some changes are good, when some seems to be forced by negative comments. (Oh hai, I heard you think Nyx is too much liked, so I make her disliked by other in school. KTHXBYE)So please, no more rewriting. Too much perfectionism is bad.Anyway, I still love the story and I'm looking forward to next update.
Sounds to me like SOMEponies should have done a better job planning, prewriting, and prereading, before such a big project, instead of rewriting a story that's in progress and already halfway done.But at least, from the sounds of things, they've learned their lesson for future stories, which I am looking forward to. Past Sins is still awesome regardless, and it's always nice to see authors take and apply constructive criticism to their work so quickly. Thanks, guys, and keep up the great work!
I was nervous when I saw you had revised the story, since I didn't see anything wrong with the original version. Turns out my fears were unfounded, as you have somehow managed to greatly improve an already great story.
I can't bring myself to enjoy this story anymore, this whole revisions thing just killed my mood and makes me feel so stupid for being so eager for the newest chapter to be released. I have way too many other fics to catch up on and I will just have to shelf this one until it's in it's completion just in case any other revisions come around to any later chapters….I tried rereading it but that is just too much and I don't have that kinda time, that and wouldn't be fair holding up other great works for just one writer. Also you never go full DERP and I felt you kinda did that on the few skims I did, including Trixie. Still looks good but putting this one until I see a "Complete" tag.Everyone happy reading and enjoy the chapters as they come, as for me I can now only hope Gravekeeper doesn't do such a revision of this magnitude to The Ballad of Twilight Sparkle… I'll cry D:
So, I just finshed The Update and all I have to say is… WHAT THE BUCK, NEXUS!?!Ok, I know he's a jerk, but he crossed the line! "Blessing" Twilight to make her attack Nyx, then trying to arrange her hanging so that Nyx has nothing to believe in anymore!?! I want to see him BURN for this!On a lighter note, I am glad to see that Nyx is reverting back to her old self, even if she still isn't entirely sure who she should be yet. All I know is that she is gonna chew the HELL out of Nexus. Do I smell a potential climactic battle?
I so still have one question, post-revisions. Maybe I missed something, but… Why doesn't Twilight Sparkle tell Celestia what the purpose of the cult's spell was? I mean BEFORE she found Nyx, of course. Nexus told her in no uncertain terms "we are trying to bring Nightmare Moon back" and that seems like something Twilight would want to tell the princess right away. Even though the spell failed, there is still the fact that such a spell exists and that some ponies are trying to cast it.
I will be honest, I'm with many of the others in that the Celestia/Nyx/Twilight scene in Chapter 10 feels… Stilted, somehow, now. It DOES seem like Twilight's motivation to "snap out of it" and try (and fail) to rescue Nyx is all but gone, if not entirely.I also thought that Celestia's despair-ridden duel with Nyx in the Castle was much more gut-wrenching. On top of putting Celestia through Hell up until that point, it built Nyx up to be a more vicious villain before she started to wind down and realize that this wasn't what she wanted.It would have made her current view as of the chapter 16 cliffhanger as being stained by sin a lot more… Realistic, I guess?Though with the new sequence of events I understand why that's unrealistic, so I dunno.That said, I'm still pretty much riveted. Nyx gives me a very much Dark Magical Girl vibe, especially when she realizes what Nightmare Moon wanted in the first place, when she was a shade of Luna.When she realizes what SHE wants.And I'm also looking forward to seeing how Nexus' plot is resolved.I'm one of the few ponies around who seem to NOT want Nexus to die, though. He seems to have been corrupted like the others… Even if he now revels in his accursed state of mind, it would serve as a powerful argument that Nightmare Nyx is not beyond redemption if someone as far gone as Nexus could be turned around. (I say that for her sake, since Nyx herself no longer seems to believe she deserves such grace.)I STILL can't help but see shades of Cereza/Bayonetta in Nyx, though.Gonna have to commission an artist.Any other Bayonetta fans in the commentbox: Should Celestia, Luna, or Twilight be Jeanne?
I will start this comment by saying that I idolize Pen Stroke and Batty Gloom as authors. They are master story craftsmen, and they should be treated great amounts of respect and reverence.However, those of you that complained that Nyx was Mary-Sue-ish or that Celestia was "out of character" and convinced those two to make changes to their already close to perfect story need to be on the receiving end of a dick-slap of epic proportions. WHAT HAVE YOU ALL DONE?!?! You all convinced the authors of the greatest fanfic that this site has ever seen to go back and break their story. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!?Arguments for Old Nyx: her lack of serious flaws can be attributed easily to the fact that she was just innocent. Honestly, she was alive for all of about 6 months. It's the blinking of an eye in terms of time, and you just don't pick up crappy character traits in that short of a timespan unless you are surrounded by others who are hopelessly flawed. Seeing as she is surrounded by the CMCs, that wouldn't be the case.Argument against the new Nyx: too much crying. Way too much crying. No real depth was added to her character with that addition except that it is now set as the default action at every possible moment. It just decreases the emotional impact of crying. Oh, and the thing that I will never be able to forgive you commenters for: YOU CONVINCED THEM TO KILL THE MOST EMOTIONAL SCENE I HAVE EVER READ! And for what? Your complaints about Celestia being out of character are terrible. Absolutely foundation-less. We know three things about Celestia for certain: 1) She sent her sister to the moon when there was no other choice 2) She likes batman gambits 3) She is more or less slightly feared by her subjects. That is all we know. The first point implies that she is a ruler who will make hard decisions when absolutely necessary. We actually don't know how kind she is. This out of character nonsense is just that: nonsense. The scene where Nyx was taken was irreparably broken. The thing that gave it poignancy was the fact that Twilight realized Nyx could be dispelled; in fact, it was likely that she would be dispelled. That was what made her outcry and regret truly potent. She thought she could lose her daughter. This change to overly kind Celestia stole the emotion away from that scene. It was sad enough to make me tear up, and THAT is truly an achievement. Now, it just feels out of place and slightly awkward. It feels like I received a baby kitten, kept it for a week, and then had someone show up and shoot it. I cannot put into words how much I disagree with the tweaking here. That emotionally charged scene was the strongest scene of this fiction. I cannot emphasize that enough. It was sacrificed in order to pacify people who were disgruntled at the portrayal of a BACKGROUND PONY. Celestia is a BACKGROUND PONY! For you to complain about how she was portrayed is like complaining that Horte Cuisine is completely out of character because he would never do something so heinous as joining a NMM cult. Good Lord. I respect Pen Stroke and Batty Gloom too much to criticize them for their storywriting. Those of you who convinced them to change their story though are not so well respected. If it were up to me, I would banish you all to the sun. Not the moon, but the sun, so you could be burned for how badly you screwed up.
I finished reading it through again, and it's still an all through five star story! The changes have done a lot of good, even if they are a bit over the top in other ways now.I really believe that you made Celestia a bit Too sensitive this time. Having ruled for 1000 years, you'd think she'd have had a few hundred occasions when she's had to make tough decisions. I don't think she would have been tearing herself up quite That much about it. Even if she of course regrets it and would prefer any other way. It became a little bit over the top. Still very good though.And Trixie? I think that scene got sadly weaker. Trixie acted way too boastful there. I could see the opening happening, but I can't imagine her being stupid enough to still keep it up after having already lost. She didn't even do that in the show.Oh well, that's Minor issues overall. I Loved the new chapters and I'm already eagerly awaiting the rest!
@TwinkiePinkieThey wouldn't have changed the story if they hadn't agreed with the criticism.
@RiffBronyEven geniuses can be lead astray by morons
@ZanzibarI'm kind of in agreement with having preferred the sterner Celestia in Chapter 10, but in the interest of giving kudos where they're due and proving that I still love Penstroke, there IS one MAJOR thing that elated me to see it.In the original version of that scene I was DYING for Twilight to bring up the "SO WHAT IF SHE IS NIGHTMARE MOON" argument. Seriously – 'What if in DOING THIS you're in fact giving her the mental justification to go full darkside, Celestia?!'I love that she actually came out and said that, this time.
@TwinkiePinkieYeah, nobody says that. Probably because it isn't true. They confess that these revisions were in order. The fact that they do not please you does not invalidate them.
ALL COMICS ARE NOW CANON! yay!
@TwinkiePinkieLet's just say, I disagree. The scene you are gushing about was, to me, the absolute low point of the story because it broke Celestia's character so much.Yes, her character. She does have one; Pretty much everything we have seen points to her trying to lighten the hearts of her subjects and not understanding why some act like she'd banish somepony at the drop of a hat. Twilight believed that, but Twilight also wasn't acting rationally AT ALL (and it's pointed out in that episode). She'S presented as extremely forgiving; Yes, that might appear as soft, but on the other hand she forgave her sister for an attempted crime that would have resulted in the literal death of Equestria.So, I will disagree with you. And I'll even go so far as to not insult you, because that's not helpful at all. We should be better than that, and I'm sorry if you cannot bring yourself to feel that way too.
@ TwinkiePinkieWhile I agree that chapter 10 doesn't have the same impact it used to (and I strongly urge Pen Stroke and Batty to re-look at that), the fact is that many of the criticisms that were made were quite valid. It stands to them as writers that they'd go back and iron characterizations out on their own terms.'Even geniuses can be led astray by morons'… um, nope. Maybe geniuses who are just starting out, but Pen Stroke's been at this for a while.
I'm going to talk to Pen Stroke when he comes online about further tweaking the scene in chapter 10. Pen really wanted the "Mommy" cry but we were kind of on a time limit (IT'S THE FIRST OF AUGUST; UPDATE NAOW, LOL!!!11!!!) but it does lack something. We're not changing Celestia's characterization anymore but I'll see if maybe a few more lines can't build it up a bit better.As for Celestia being too soft…that's actually our intention. This is the hardest decision she had to make and it affects somepony she cares about. She doesn't know what to do and she's being lead by her fears. And if anything, it helps build up Nexus' reasoning that Celestia is too weak (really; Nexus thinks that).As for Trixie…yeah, I'm not sure. She's hard to write for because she was only in one episode and to be honest…Pen Stroke and I don't like her. Now, she's good for the purposes of the episode but neither of us can fathom why she's so popular, so I'll admit that writing her perfectly was probably beyond our ability. But I rather screw up a character that has been in only one episode than an important character like Celestia.
@VarBoth of you two are too kind; Pen Stroke and I are not geniuses.Well, okay, maybe Pen Stroke is, he's a programmer, but I'm sure as hell not. Still, I'm going to type out something for chapter ten and show it to Pen Stroke, see if maybe that can't be tweaked to better fit the story, if just a tiny bit.
@Batty GloomSort of had the feeling Nexus is suffering from too much loyalty to Nightmare Moon (the original).After all, he's perfectly loyal. He's not totally obidient, but loyal.In fact, he's loyal to a fault, wouldn't you agree?Also, I'm one of those who feel that a story that's centered around personal choice, mistakes and redemption would probably suffer if Nexus is tortured and killed. Luna was banished but forgiven after she was feed from the shell of her own hatred, so why should the same not be possible for him? If anything, it should be MORE so for him, since afaik he started out corrupted by a force from the outside.
@AnonymousI usually try to keep a degree of civility to comments that I make. I apologize that the last two were not, but there are only a few ways that sufficiently articulate how put off I was/am by the changes that were made, and insults, though base, are one of them. I'll try to avoid that in future discourse, but you understand that it was a reactionary rant.Your point on Celestia's softness is noted, but it's not sufficient to justify a complete overhaul of Celestia's character. A ruler of a thousand years would be well versed in hard choices, and even before at the beginning of that thousand years, she had the hardest choice to make. She made it, and the decision was anything but soft. The ponys' fear her, and that is admittedly irrational. She's not mean-spirited or tyrannical. The thing is though that in the original draft of the story, she wasn't even portrayed as tyrannical. People saw her doing something that they did not agree with and quickly cried "oh no, tyrant celestia". I submit that the original criticism was completely out of line. What she did is called being a ruler. It wasn't out of line, it wasn't cruel, and it wasn't out of character.
@ Batty GloomCool. If you're fishing for some ideas to make the scene more heartrenching, I'd suggest extending the scene where Celestia is trying to get Nyx to come with her. The original scene of Nyx going "I'm sorry, whatever I did wrong I'm sorry" really punched me in the gut, and I think it'll work even better with Nyx's tweaked characterization. She needs to SEE that Twilight isn't speaking up, isn't defending her.God, I feel like such an asshole writing that…I liked Celestia's characterization before (she's my favorite character, and sometimes you just want to see them pushed to their limits to see how they cope, you know?) but I much prefer this softer approach, it's certainly closer to canon and suits her much more, as well as lets the story flow much more cohesivly. Also, it's doubtful that the new characterization is going to split the opinion of new readers, so hey! There's that too!
@Batty GloomLike I said, I'm still loving the story.It just seems that either there needs to be something more for Twilight to freak out about… Or, alternately, that Twilight might not 'snap out of it' at all? I mean, it would actually be a pretty poignant point, maybe serve as more inspiration for Twilight to brave the castle alone to apologize, if she simply DIDN'T ACT in that situation.Of course I might be talking out of my ass and suggesting something that would make Twilight come off as a bitch so feel free to tell me to STFU. But Celestia WAS being a lot more reassuring in the new Chapter Ten scene. (… Which wouldn't necessarily make Twilight feel any less guilty when she thought back on the moment, especially seeing what it led up to.)And I'm not an editor, so feel free to tell me to STFU even more on that basis. It's just my own fifty cents.
@TwinkiePinkiePlease don't take this the wrong way, but what Celestia did WAS out of character, but for the reasons that I've just now figured out.If you noticed, what has changed in the long run?Nothing. Celestia still takes Nyx away; that was the main point was Nyx being taken away by someone Twilight cared about and feeling guilt for not putting her hoof down.What was out of character was *how* Celestia did it. Critics say that at no point did Celestia offer any mercy, any attempt at redemption; it was either Nyx is Nyx and can live or Nyx is Nightmare Moon and must die. It was something that came the freak out of nowhere and Pen Stroke and I didn't realized that until people spoke up.This Celestia, on the other hand, is and was willing to let Nyx live if she at least wasn't a threat, if she didn't have the malice, which was what Celestia truly feared; not that Nyx was Nightmare Moon but that she was the same Nightmare Moon that would have taken her sister away again. Here, she reassures Twilight that even if Nyx is Nightmare Moon, she would have allowed Nyx a chance at redemption. That is much more in character for a benevolent ruler than what the original did. Yes, the original had more emotional impact…but for the wrong reasons. While I'm going to work with Pen Stroke to see if at some point we can't tweak it a bit to make it flow better, we stand by our decision to have a softer Celestia.
@Batty GloomIf not geniuses, then expert storycrafters. How about that?I honestly wonder something. If a character seems like a Mary Sue, does that necessarily mean that they are a poor character? Nyx was received incredibly well in her original form. She beat out all the mane 6 for that sock poll. That's pretty significant for a pony who originated in a fanfiction. The audience apparently loved her. I wonder to myself if she would have still done as well in the poll had she originally appeared as she does today. I wonder if in making her somewhat disliked by the other ponies, you succeeded in making her somewhat disliked among the readers…
@Batty GloomIt does work on one very poignant level.Instead of casting Celestia as a hardass and having a reactionary… Well, reaction on her part be to blame for the events to come, Nexus in fact turns her sympathy and love against her, turning him into a much more insidious villain.On that wavelength I actually applaud the new characterization.
@TwinkiePinkieI honestly think People only liked Nyx because she looked cute, nothing more. But if people can still like her despite of or *because* of her original (yes, the crybaby Nyx was the original characterization until Pen Stroke told me to axe it for the first draft), then she's a stronger character for it. That and you're forgetting something; her being a crybaby now gives her a chance to overcome that later. After all, flaws can be weakened over time.
@SungazerI like you; you've noticed that plot point, which is EXACTLY what we were trying to do with Nexus in chapter ten.Speaking of Nexus, I do hope everyone likes what we're going to do….But I better not say anything else, least I give it away.
@Batty GloomAs crybaby!Nyx goes, I actually liked her.Every time she hid behind Twilight I squeed a little inside.[/Obtains more fuel for his desire to draw Twilight cosplaying as Bayonetta and Nyx cosplaying as Cereza]
@Batty GloomIt's a pretty rare feat for a villain to understand virtues well enough to use them against a hero.And his comparative failures against Nightmare Nyx make a lot of sense when leveraged against the fact he views her as his queen.Wanted to beat him unconscious for what he did to Twilight.I still don't want him to die, but I was furious at the time.
@Batty GloomI submit to you that the thing that made Twilight's guilt more realistic was the fact that Nyx's demise was a very likely possibility. It felt as if the stakes were higher in the original. I completely agree that making Celestia do things with a little more mercy is a good thing. I don't think though that you can remove the idea that she has a duty to Equestria though. You are without question a better storycrafter than me. Plus, you're coauthor of this story, so your word is law. My opinion does not matter in the long run, but there is perhaps a tiny chance that I am not completely wrong with this one argument. The only thing I am saying with that scene is that lowering the stakes by diminishing the risk of Nyx being taken away forever just breaks the scene. Perhaps Celestia could just be more remorseful and hesitant about doing what she knows needs to be done. We know she has had the propensity to make those decisions before; it's not such a stretch to believe that she is capable of doing the same kind of thing again.Regardless of what anyone whined about in the first draft of the story: tyrant celestia, mary sue nyx, etc, it had over 1500 ratings and countless more views, and it still kept a 4.9 star rating on EqD. That's pretty damn near perfect. Whatever the original "flaws" were, they clearly did not detract the audience's perception of the fic. Just a thought there.
Re-read the whole thing, and finally getting around to commenting.I do believe the revisions ultimately made for a better story. Especially chapter 13. You also did a good job of plugging various minor plotholes. And, while I was pretty adamant before that Celestia wasn't OOC, the change in her character was for the better.However, you did kind of hit everyone over the head with the whole crybaby thing, and I thought her previous characterization was just fine. I liked her for more than just looking cute. Still no big deal.One more thing on the revisions: I cannot deny that you have pretty severely reduced the impact of chapter 10. That was a major focal point of the story, and it's lost a lot of weight and to some extent, believability. It definitely needs a little more tweaking to get it closer to what it was before. As for the new chapters, I loved every minute of them. They were amazingly done, and probably the most riveting chapters so far, or close to it.
@Batty GloomI hope that comment means we'll get to see filly Nyx again…
@SungazerTimidity is fine. I liked that. Crying at every opportunity though just seems a little much.
I like the new version better. That is all.
@Ace2401I might be biased in adoring revised Nyx. She reminds me a lot of my girlfriend before the two of us hooked up, so I get intense feelings of wanting to repair her soul, as a result, if that makes any sense.I still think, and submit to Batty, that a good idea for the revised Chapter 10 scene to make it more believable would be for Twilight to simply not 'snap out of it' and try to rescue Nyx.Celestia was being a lot more reassuring, which might assuage some of the guilt and horror of the situation (though not all of it – she's still scared and Nyx is still confused)… Until things go horribly wrong, at least, and she realizes what Nyx must have felt being carried away, which would… Delay the poignancy, but I think return some of what was lost…. But again I also recognize this carries the possible risk of making Twi out to be a bitch, so I'm not really gonna be too pushy with this idea.
@SungazerIt;s not so much that I'm against revised Nyx, it's just that I feel that it was overdone at some points.
I know I'm going round in circles, but that's kind of a point; it's a character flaw. It's not okay for Nyx to cry all the time… and again, flaws allow growth.If it makes you feel better, we didn't take away everything that made Nyx still Nyx. She still loves to read and learn, she still has her friends, and she's still a good filly at heart.I'm just saying that while I know some are miffed we took an axe to the story, at least see how it pans out.And we still have the old chapters…I can't guarantee anything but maybe I'll see if Pen and I can't released them as a final update, warts and all.But it won't be nearly as good as the new version chapters, I can promise that. Pen Stroke has put three times more effort in each revised chapter than he did on the first version.
@Ace2401Granted I was a little preoccupied while I was reading between chapters 0-6, so I may be forgetting or not have absorbed certain details early on. e we;So I'll grant you might be right.
I thoroughly enjoyed the story the whole way through. I stayed up several hours past my usual bedtime so I finish it in one reading. You made Twilight and Nyx's relationship as mother and daughter completely believable and you've made NM's character growth a gradual process, with is better than the Zen moments of enlightenment you see in a lot of stories. It takes to time to understand your own wants and needs irl, and I saw that in NM. She starts out wanting it, but then she realizes that it's not for her. Well done. I didn't read the originals, but it sounds like you did the right thing by having Twilight's scene with Celestia more drawn out and dramatic. Celestia loves Twilight like a mother and wouldn't willingly hurt her without going through a lot of emotion. Although I think Twilight's decision to try and get Nyx back from Celestia was a little abrupt, it was realistic enough for me. She realizes her mistake as soon as she makes it and tries to correct it immediately. I do have some criticisms, though.1. Twilight is presented as far weaker than she really is. Given a few weeks, Twilight would've doubtlessly figured out a way to escape by then. If not her, then at least the CMC. Magic isn't the only thing she's good at. She could've started to file away at her magic device by rubbing it against the walls when nobody was looking. She's creative.2. There's a bit too much crying coming from Nyx/NM. This is coming from somebody who suffered from PTSD as a child and still suffers from depression as an adult. It's not all crying. Sometimes it's just staring into space, not moving at all, trapped in your own mind as you think about horrible and hopeless things.Anyways, I look forward to seeing the conclusion. Keep up the good work.
@Batty GloomI'm really sorry if I'm coming off as complainy or "You Changed It Now It Sucks."My only complaint with the revised release is that the infamous "Nyx gets torn out of her mother's arms" scene needs something extra so that Twilight's ultimate reaction is more believable.Everything else I still love, and I've mentioned OFTEN specific things that I love about the story.
@Batty GloomWell, I suppose I can't argue with that. Overall the story is much improved from when it was already great. The part where Nyx is taken still needs to be tweaked, though. It was an amazing scene before, and now it falls a little flat. It's to vital of a scene to allow that.
He's climbin in your windowsBleesin people uptrying to bless them all so you should hide your fillies hide your mares hide your fillies hide your mares hide your fillies hide your mares. And hide your colts cus he's blessin everypony out there.
@TwinkiePinkieTough call; Usually Mary Sue denotes a character so flawless it sucks the life out of the story. However, characters cann have sueish- traits and still be enjoyable; The presentation of the character has a larger impact than just what constitutes the character. That's why Sue-charts aren't necessarily helpful when used without common sense.On the other hand, Mary Sue has long been a way to denigrate a character one didn't like for a number of reasons. Just look at how TvTropes is wrestling with the term and all its encompassing variations.
@AnonymousSo much this.Yes.Mary Sueism isn't about the character themself.It's about how much the plot bends to their will and enables them their desires.Multiple times Nyx's childishly naive behaviors make her stand out like a sore hoof to the badguys, and then later on she's had incidences of being written off.If she's overly well-loved, it's only because of the world in which she lives. Equestria is presented as an idyllic place.
"But, while there is no redemption for me… for what Nexus has done, there will be retribution."Holy smokes! Somepony really needs to draw fanart of Nyx teaming up with GABRIEL MOTHERFRAKKING ANGELOS now. That line was just too perfectly delivered.Ah yes, and the rest of the story is beyond awesome as well. 😀
Firstly I must comment: if people are complaining about changes, rejoice, for it means they love and care about your work. And eventually they'll get over it. Now, onto my litany of complaints!At this point everyone is probably sick of hearing the complaints about the Chapter 10 scene changes, but I must add my name to the list of people against it.Thinking back on it, it's not so much the change to Celestia's character that bothers me. Kinder Celestia does make more sense, even if I was partial to knight templar Celestia. No, my issue lies in the part where Nyx is actually taken. In the original, Nyx's distress comes from the fact that she is being physically restrained, arrested by the palace guards, and she thinks she has done something wrong. In this new one, what reason does Nyx have to distrust Celestia? She starts struggling because Twilight is crying. It might be my misinterpretation of the character, but it seems to me that Nyx is a bit too clingy here. The scene is also not as distressing for Twilight, as she doesn't have to endure the chaos that comes with the arrest. In the original we have Nyx crying out, Spike yelling, the guards having to use some force to restrain Nyx and keep Spike back. In the revised version, that is cut down to just Nyx, and there is less of it. Well, not really any of it. This to me is where the scene has lost its emotional kick. Now, the scene with Spell Nexus. Nexus strikes me of the sort of character who does things with great precision and maximum information. For him it would have taken just a few extra moments just to confirm for himself that yes, this filly is Nightmare Moon. He is acting on the assumption that Nyx is NMM, but doesn't check it out? Unless you are using this revision to build to some sort of revelation that Nyx isn't Nightmare Moon, and think the scene has been hurt by the lack of its inclusion. Minor complaint, I am sad to see that the magic wind-song-sleep spell has been changed. I understand why it was necessary to mesh with the rest of the chapter, but I liked the concept.Final complaint: Trixie. Rather than go on about it, I agree with anyone who says you need a sort of middle ground between Boastful!Trixie and Cowardly!Trixie.Despite my complaints, I am still in awe of your writing and storycrafting skills. It will be a sad day when this fic is completed. Bravo sirs, and may you continue to deliver unto us stunning stories.
@Cody MacArthur FettIf we're going into Ponyhammer 40k, technically Nightmare Moon is effectively Horus.
@Batty GloomI feel as if I owe you some praise to make up for some of my complaining. I have not completely finished the story yet, I've only finished Chapter 13. Your revision of Chapter was phenomenally done. It was a lot more satisfying to see the conversations between Nyx and Celestia/Luna. Good call on that set of revisions.
I meant to say Chapter 13 was phenomenally done. Sorry about that
@SungazerOnly if we're going into Ponyhammer, but if we're drawing from regular Warhammer 40,000 then Gabriel Angelos and the Blood Ravens teaming up with Nyx to purge the daemon infested Spell Nexus isn't just plausible, it's completely off the wall awesome.
Just an update, Pen agrees that the points about chapter 10 and Trixie are valid and we'll try to tweak it later, but not until the rest of the story is posted; after all, we have a few more chapters to run through and we're both very busy…or rather, our schedules tend to not mesh well at times.
@Batty GloomSerena is to Sailor Moon as Clark Kent is to Superman. Except Serena is a lot whinnier.I currently have almost no comment on the new/more revealed/Exposed Nyx as I'm still working my way back through the entire story.currently I'm at chapter 2 at the part where she's having tea. My main complaint about her had already been addressed by the paragraph that got me riled up in the first place in the revision notes/document being removed.I hope I didn't offend you and Batty gloom too much as I saw the blood revision to have nothing in story to support it and it already had 14 chapters (including chapter zero) written with the reveal in mind.
@TenchiFreak5Oh god.. Nyx… is just too precious.. This story.. I'M CRYING!!UPDATE ASAP!!!
On one hand I have to read the entire story all over again.On the other hand, I have an excuse to read the entire story all over again!
Whew, just read the last chapter…I almost got fooled.
READ THIS BATTY GLOOM AND PEN STROKE!!!i don't know why SO MANY PPL are saying to, oh change this change that, stop talking in acsent! if they are just complaining, ignore them.and btw, this story is just below perfect. i love the dialogue, i love how all most everypony acts 'in charecter'.keep up the good work you two. i'v never reed something better.oh and, i like where this is headed to. SPOILER ALERT.i just can't WAIT to see nyx go kill that spell nexus. ((*rubs hands together*)) this is gonna be FUN!anyway keep up the amazing story. p.s. liked the update for the most part on the old chapters. exept…… not to be rude in all, but you REALLY needed the MOMMY!!! line. that line put me to tears in ten milaseconds flat. anywho, keep up the good work!!
Chpt 16: Loving it. :PAnd I'm not going to bore anypony with "MY WONDERFUL OBSERVATIONS AND OPINIONS, WHICH YOU SHOULD TAKE INTO ACCOUNT, HMPH" or "HERE ARE ALL OF THE ERRORS IN YOUR WORK TROLOLOLOL"Just want to say that you both are doing a great job. Thanks!
Well i'm here to bore EVERYpony with my masterful observations….All I got is i'm throwing in my lot with the chapter 10 crowd. But overall it was great, I also don't think Nexus should die, but eh, I dunno if I would care in the end if he did.
I don't know how you keep up with these comments, Batty, Jesus wept. Anyway, I really liked the new revisions. Especially the scene in the throne room, and with Luna. I can't wait for the next update, things are getting pretty intense.Also, this song is totally appropriate for Nightmare Nyx: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X3Ev83YcZCA
Not sure how many people read these but to everyone who thought Trixie was too cowardly before and too boastful recently, I've edited the Trixie part with Pen Stroke, going down the middle as suggested.You guys are right; it does read better.
@Batty GloomThough batty should mention that these are very minor edits, summing up to a few paragraphs at best. It may not be things that are readily apparent.
I appreciate any revision you guys do, and i'm sure the Trixie one is great, and don't take this the wrong way, but I really don't want to wait another 2 weeks to have to see the next update and re-read everything because some people don't like the first revision, I know you guys probably won't do that, but seeing that you went back to fix the Trixie section I figured i'd take the chance to address my concerns.But overall, keep up the great work.
@JoshDon't worry, we are NOT doing that again. While the changes needed to be made, making them in the middle of the project probably wasn't the best idea. Still, it's a lesson learned. So Past Sins will finish to completion before Batty and I will even consider making any major changes. Anything we do now is very, very minor and stuff we don't mind slipping into the currently live chapters.
I decided to wait a day before posting this, because I didn't want to just blurt out the first things that came to mind or get caught up in the shock hype. Instead, I chose to let the whoe thing sink in a bit and come up with something moderately rational.First and foremost, I still think this is a very good story. Pen Stroke and Batty Gloom, I feel you've done a fantastic job in creating this work of art. I was quite surprise at the massive re-write, however. That's a twist I never saw coming. On the whole, I feel the changes were good: Celestia seems far more believable, Luna got more rounded story time, and little Nyx, while a bit nerfed is still more than her share of adorable. I thought it was very clever how you incorporated the comics into the telling. I'm curious, was that intentional or an afterthought? I Must agree with my fellow readers on one point though. The changes made to chapter 10 and its subsequent effects completely nullified its emotional edge, which has been so much of the story's appeal, at least to me personally.When I went back and re-read, the whole thing felt kind of hollow, like a memory that doesn't quite feel like you remember it right. Please don't take that comment harshly. I still have a great deal of respect for you both, and I know it's not easy to do this stuff. Alas, people screamed for change, they got change, and now they're complaining about the change. The lesson here is clearly "Be careful what you wish for". You're never going to please everypony, which is a sucky side-effect of life.I guess mainly at this point, Pen, Batty, I'm asking for patience from YOU. We, the readers, waited patiently (well, most of us) for your tale to continue, and suddenly it all changed, radically. So we have to un-learn all that we already knew and felt, wipe the slate clean, and then repaint it in our minds and our hearts. It's fairly simple to do on paper, not so easy on the aforementioned minds and hearts, and it will take some time to get used to it.I've seriously considered just waiting until it updates complete. At that time, I'll read it from the beginning, and see how it affects me then. in that sense, I feel envious of any new readers. They can read this without a corrupted pre-conception of the story and perhaps gain the full enjoyment it was intended to invoke.-Moonlight Ballad, Bard of Equestra
Well, since everypony else wants to give Nyx a theme song, here's mine! (Though it's more fitting for when she's struggling internally to find herself, like chapters 11-16.) Some of you may know the song if you're into video games: This Broken Soul. http://youtu.be/8WO4kQ79I-w
Sorry, fail link. Here's what I MEANT to put. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8WO4kQ79I-w
i hope that there could be a sequel to this…….i dout it, but maybe….. that would just be so awesome.
>_><_<So…er…when is the next update….what? You sure know how to keep a guy in suspense with these cliffhangers, i'll give you that.
very.
I wanted to say that I approve of the changes and feel the story is stronger for it. That said I'm almost sorry that you made them and I hope it was really because you were unhappy with what you had written before and not because we were complaining. To me all of the changes were for the better except for Trixie and Celestia taking Nyx. "Mommy!" did lose some of its impact but other than that everything has been improved. I'd say the changes bring the story up from 4-stars to 5-stars. I just hope you will write what you want to write and not what you think we want. I look forward to chapter 17 and beyond.
i got more emotional in this story then when zaxk and erith died in final fantasy! ( and believe me that was SAD)this story is perfect. keep it up! ( and make the story go as long as you want. if it where up to me, you'd never stop, but it's your choice, and i will NEVER forget this story. it has touched me in so many ways)your my pony idols you two. keep it up!
@Batty GloomWhat? Anti-Sue was already a thing? I thought I was making up the term! xD…I'll shut up then.
When's the next update going to be ? I need more!
beside the fact idont care what the others said im still thinking this story deserves a movie chapters on the tv series or at least a comic what you think people?oh and THIS IS THE MOST WONDERFUL STORY
After giving it all a re-read, I'm ok with the changes. 10 still got to me as Nyx became worried about her mommy crying, which would make any child upset. Most kids have years of back and forth experiences to make them a little tougher (or not depending on how sheltered they are) but seeing a parent you love cry should pull at any child. With Nyx as inexperienced and the one person who means the world to her is crying, and she's being refused to go comfort her, of course she'll call out and start to panic.She's young but smart enough to realize something's wrong that she doesn't know about and the Princess is keeping her from her mom.Celestia was given a softer role and that's a plus. She's heartbroken from the way she's had to tear a child from her surrogate daughter/favorite student. What it could mean in the long run if this sweet filly was really destined to be evil.To those who are grumping that Celestia was repeating/too much dialogue? The whole idea to go take Nyx wasn't one she was wanting to deal with herself, that's why Celestia was having horrid dreams. Celestia was beating herself up and when it came down to make the call at the library to do it, she had to talk herself into taking Nyx as much as she had to talk Twilight into giving up her daughter, potentially forever.She was already heartsick and trying to make things easier, hoping Twilight would understand but really knowing that was impossible, so it was going to be wordy, emotions run high like that. The only reason she was there was her duty to Equestria and her sister.There's also the concept that given the princesses are immortal, how many ponies, happy smiling ponies, did Celestia see over those generations live, grow, age, die? Now here comes a threat that could take her sister away from her again. Celestia loves her ponies, but there's always a part of her that knows she'll lose them all, and as such she was alone for 1000 years as well.The thing that really pulls me is the loss of innocence, that Nexus took a young happy child and smashed her world and forced her to grow up in the worst ways possible, and when that wasn't enough he sought to wipe out her ties to her childhood.Nexus' new teleportation spell that he forced out of Twilight may come into play, but how long can he run with an enraged goddess chasing after him?
Hey, I finally got a chance to power through the updates. I was a little wary at first, as I was pretty fond of this story pre-edit. At first, it felt a little off, but as time went by, and I got used to the new Nyx, I find that I really appreciate the changes. Silly as this may sound, I particularly appreciate the grammar fixes, as well as your ongoing willingness to keep fixing newfound glitches/typos. In the other fanfic fandoms I follow, spelling/grammar/term errors are generally (read: almost always) policed by beta readers before release to catch this sort of thing. I am spoiled, I know. 😉 I love the way a well corrected story feels polished, smooth and effortless to read. It makes it that much easier to lose myself in the story. So seriously, a huge thank you from me. I'm thoroughly enjoying this story, and I look forward to it continuing,
Forgot about Trixie in my post. Trixie's character has always felt like smug superiority. She's always had to believe in herself and project that belief into others. This was ruined by her failure in Ponyville and Twilight's victory.I'm sure in her mind, once she realized more of Twilight's backstory from the Nightmare Moon incident with Luna a few years ago, she thought Twilight had an unfair advantage when confronting the Ursa Minor, The Element of Magic.With the Element of Magic falling into Trixie's hooves, of course she would go even further into her own self-aggrandizing because she now has the artifact that would make her the superior of her only "rival" in the magical world.Everypony must know the story that the elements beat NMM before and had a hand in dealing with her the last time too, even if they were vague on things up until the prior return, and certainly with a pony such as The Great & Powerful Trixie holding the most powerful of the elements, this would be so easy they'd have everything set right and the ponies would love her as they loved Twilight. So yes, Trixie let Nightmare Moon have the whole show. Boasting, fireworks, a grand show. Because that's what Trixie does. Would she have a change in attitude after the magic fizzled? Maybe, maybe not. She could have learned a lesson in showmanship in the last year. If you have to go out, go out with your head as high as you did when you came in, even if you hold your hat in your hands. When Nightmare Moon threw it in her face, she had her flaws brought to light, her failures, and that part folded, resulting in her fleeing.Had the story focused more on Trixie, or if the show does, it'd have the opportunity to expand on her as a character. Though the show already has 6 characters to expand upon for character growth, and Past Sins isn't Trixie's tale. So exit, stage poof.
So I just got finished reading this again, and I have to say that I approve of the changes. I only skimmed through the earlier chapters, so I didn't see most of the changes to Nyx's characterisation, but from what everyone is saying it matches up with what I saw in my head the first time anyway. The later chapters, though?Awesome.You've done a much better job with Celestia this time, which was the one big complaint I had before. It does rob the scene in chapter 10 of some of its impact, but that's something I can live with. If you have any plans to tweak it some more, I'd suggest completely re-writing the end of the scene, but it will serve as-is.The only other thing in the changes that doesn't quite work is Trixie, but Trixie is kinda hard to pin down. She's boastful and somewhat full of herself, but when the chips are down, she's willing to at least try…and yes, she did run away. Hrm. Thinking about it, if you see the boasting when she was using the Element of Magic as a coping mechanism, the scene actually works quite well – she's absolutely terrified, but somepony needs to do something and she's the only one available. So she tries to boost her own confidence the only way she knows how.Okay, so maybe the characterisation of Trixie isn't such a problem. No idea if that was what you were going for, but never mind that. :PAnyways. Erm, should probably wrap this up before it turns into a wall-of-text attack…anyway, I loved the new chapters as much as the updates, and I am most definitely looking forward to more – especially seeing what Nyx does to Nexus. Also, I keep wondering when Nyx will realise that Celestia and Luna will be quite willing to forgive her if/when she sets them free, especially considering the small mountain of special circumstances surrounding the whole mess.Anyway. Finishing now. Take as much time as you need for the next update, but I really hope you don't need very long.
That last chapter made me kinda wish this was actually tagged Grimdark just so Nexus could get what he deserves. I don't think I have never felt such hatred towards a bad guy in any story before.
@Batty Gloom and Pen Stroke:That's perfect. Now there are hints of self-doubt present among all six of them from the moment the scene begins rather than halfway, and it really changes how Trixie's behavior is interpreted even when she does start acting up. Now it seems more like a coping mechanism rather than just straight up delusions, and I feel that is perfectly in line with her character.The little throwaway addition about how they other element bearers had to basically force Trixie to help also adds a lot to the scene and restores a lot of the emotional impact from the first version, because now you can feel the desperation that all six of them share going into it.Basically, now I think the Chapter 9 and up revisions are flawless.
I cannot believe how much of an ass Spell Nexus is. It makes me rage. Give him a brutal death in the next chapter, please.
hi, i agree whit TwinkiePinkie and Chaos Knux on many pointsseems like some us us like the original versionyes celestia is a background character in the show, we dotn know enough of her to really know how she would act, most we assume is based on what we want, no what we saw on youtube ( lol), she idnt talked for more than 5 minutes in the whole season …chapter 10, yes many of us agree, the soft nice celestia breaks the scene, celestia acting based on her deepest fear was what made the scene strong shocking and heart breaking..now just feels weird.among many of the post here the authors mentioned more changes…. ok onw thing we should remember: its impossible to make everyone happy, no mater how many times you change thing will not be enough, its just impossible to please everyone…just stop changing things, listening to everyone complains to make changes will end up in disaster…we need to accept thet celestia, chaper 10 & 13, and also nyx itself (im happy i did re-read the whole thing comments said she changed to much …) but please no more modification, changing it every time someone complains about something is not teh way to get to perfection…..about the spell to know if nyx was night mare moon… i agree that was better n the original, the soul mirror was a good detail, lets us know that celestia regrets what she just did and also was cooland i will stop talking till i finish reading 14-16, doesnt worth to post something similar to what everyone else already said again
@ DakarosI think it's less about making readers happy and more about making this story the best story it can possibly be. The revisions really helped thing reach that goal, imo.(Even though I'm one of the peole who feel revised!ch10 needs to be tweaked, but I've shared my opinions on that already).
I must say that although I never thought the changes were a necessity, it really has improved the story vastly. The new updates were brilliant as well, and I can only commend the hard work you two have done, Penstroke and Batty Gloom.
While most of the changes weren't necessary, they were, on the whole, good changes. Getting to see more of Luna was good, and having Celestia taken out of the picture first makes more sense.Now, onto the new stuff. Holy shit chapter 16. I knew there was something to the blessing beyond just the eyes. And now the sudden turning of Spell Nexus from faithful student to traitorous dog makes some more sense. He was infected by the scraps of NMM, he didn't have his "mind opened".
Uh… Right, the changes…First, I despise that you turned Nyx into a crybaby. She is completely different. I agree with someone else, this is not the filly I liked. Second, Celestia was more off-character IMHO NOW then she was then. The scene did not pack a good emotional punch like last time…And a lot of the change was unnecessary… I never found Nyx to be a Mary-Sue in the slightest. Whoever said she WAS a Mary-Sue should reread, since she is obviously not perfect in the good old version.Conclusion: I disagree with a lot of the changes. I liked the OLD story. IT just felt like someone else was writing it, and not the brilliant writers of the old version. That old story was truly deserving on 6 stars.This is all my opinion though, if you don't want to change it that's fine.
I'm very glad that you guys will be revising the scene in Chapter 10. That was really the only thing I had any problems with in the revision. Also, chapter 13 is MUCH better now. I mean, I liked it before, but this revision is a lot better. And the new chapters were great too!
Change is good, change after the fact is not. You don't see game developers making patches that require you to replay the whole game after all. Plus, the editing is still a 2.5 star effort at best (crack open a book, look at dialogue, and tell me if every single piece of it ends with a period. No? Yeah, you need some commas in there) This is basic English 101, not a University report, it's not that difficult. I'm not sure who's editing it but you should probably open their position up.
*carefully sneak in from the bottom, lest there be spoilers*Hurrah! Thanks for the new chapters!I will now disappear for several days as I try to simultaneously complete my dissertation whilst giving Past Sins the attention it deserves and trying to avoid spoilers.Here goes.
@WeirdPonyGuyRetribution is magic!
@CorwynYeah, I get that.Princess Celestia offered her a ride in her chariot, which she refused on seeing Twilight in a strange state… But she was still being dragged away, and for some reason Twilight didn't do anything to stop her.Her reaction and her later "realization" (the decision that Celestia and Twilight must have been conspiring against her) made sense.I just thought that it seemed almost strange and abrupt for Twilight to have her motherly freakout, however, given all of Celestia's reassurances.But then, Twilight does have a way of assuming the worst.Maybe I'm being unreasonable. e we;Sorry, Penstroke and Batty.
The one problem I have with this is, I find it hard to believe that Celestia would let a cult like Nexus's form right under her nose. You don't get to be a millennia-old god-empress by ignoring things like that.
Oh, and the other problem I have is, nopony's done any fanart of Dinky as Twilight yet.
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Just posting here to say how I love this fanfiction. I've soooo long waitin for a story who involving that kind of topics^^I give a Huge bravo to all autors.In my opinion, Both versions were Good.It's like seeing two different realities, where the dissemblances (sorry i'm french, i just don't want to paraphrase the 'difference' word) makes to interesting sides. I mean, both have good points and if first see a firm and strong celestia, maybe a bit stubborn, the other gives a radical change would be apreciated, where his Personality have been more taken in count.Nyx doesn't lost her interest in the second version, maybe a bit more pertinent, when we know wich was her first hours of life.I'm asking if were be able to download both version, because these two point of view seems to me pertinent.———-SPOILER ALERT FROM CHAPTER 16 ———Just a reaction from Nyx words at the end of chapter 16Actually, she don't want to be called nyx, because of what she did to everypony, but in my opinion, since she was born, blood and flesh, she doesn't Nightmare moon anymore, it's more than a Title, a funstion, Nyx would be her name, she wanted it or not.It's not a question of deserving, it's a question of identity.
Put something up on the Fridge page…http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Fridge/PastSinsThe 2nd Fridge Logic. I think it's a real big hole in the plot. Nobody asks Twilight what the cult was doing? She doesn't think it's important to tell Celestia? I mean, before she finds Nyx and decides to protect her. They know cult members are still out there, and their motives are REALLY important to know…
@AnonymousI'm going to talk to Pen Stroke about that later. Mostly will have to change a few lines, probably to instead of trying to figure out what the spell did to simply figuring out how it worked.That or not have the cult tell Twilight about the spell, making Twilight guess when she finds Nyx.But we still have yet to get chapters 17 and 18 through the pre-readers, so this will be a necessary change saved for later, just like tweaking chapter 10. And even then, the pre-readers themselves didn't catch this.
So yeah… I haven't re-read all of the story yet but I've already re-read Chapter 13.Well… for Chapter 13 the changes were good. Both versions were enjoyable reads so I'm neutral about them for now….but there's something inside me that is slightly annoying. I kinda had a completely formed image of Nyx in my mind as the "almost flawless cute little filly with 4 best friends and just two enemies on her school". Well… let's say it'll be hard for me to assume that Nyx has any personality flaws.But what is really making me angry is that some ponies are just bashing the authors and the story for the changes. They don't have any arguments and just point that ALL of the modifications were bad and/or unecessary….of course, me have those who actualy have solid opinions. Those are nice.Great job with the fic so far in my humble opinion. Yeah, we got tons of ponies mad at you two right now, but don't worry and just do your writing!