Story: Past Sins (Update Complete!)

[Normal] ""Dark and foreboding. A stirring tale that shows us that even those touched by darkness can shine" -Pre-reader #12

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1,994 Responses to Story: Past Sins (Update Complete!)

  1. Anonymous says:

    I just want to point something out with the intro pic, mainly in Nightmare's Mane(Fic is fantastic, by the way): Pinkie Pie. PINKIE PIE.SHE LOOKS LIKE A FISH.

  2. Bugsydor says:

    In the pic: Do I spy the small healthpack from TF2? Was this intentional?

  3. Anonymous says:

    So SS and DT tie for biggest jerks in Equestria with Prince Blueblood in a distant third. That's right, SS and DT tie for first and second place.Few fics are made that keep me hooked. I patiently await your next chapter good sir/mad'am. Thank you for sharing it with us.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Thank you for introducing me to my new favorite musical instrument, the glass harp.

  5. Anonymous says:

    The glass harp link was PERFECTLY placed!I read the ending of chapter 1 with the glass harp playing in the background and it was… mystical.

  6. Anonymous says:

    I have fallen in love with this fanfic, it takes a bit before Nyx shows up but for those with short attention spans keep reading!Nyx is an adorable OC and just thinking of Nightmare Moon born again as a Filly Alicorn is enough to warrant curiosity as you watch her experience life in a way she never could of imagined doing in her past life.Now will vengeance rear it's ugly head? will Celestia banish this potentially dangerous Filly to the Moon? How will Nyx and Twilight deal with these questions and more as Nyx has 'awoken' to her past Sins, and Twilight's motherly instincts conflict with her knowledge that Nyx is ever more maturing more into the Mare she refused to believe was her precious Nyx.This is going along so well, my heart sank when I was unable to click to chapter 4 =(I can't wait to see how this turns out.P.S. That picture says a thousand words and I was so surprised it was made for this story! I LOVE the expression as a conflicted and seemingly torn Nightmare 'Nyx' Moon remembers her past life and the things she's done in repayment to those who showed her such kindness.What is up with Rainbow Dash though and a Trixie hat?! was Trixie in the fight? did Rainbow get her head chopped off? I can hardly make sense of that one part of the picture!Needless to say I LOVE this and the art great job fantastic job!

  7. Truthseeker says:

    Dear sweet Mother Earth. This is amazing. I don't know if you got either of my e-mails but your writing leaves mine looking like garbage. I applaud you most sincerely.CLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAP

  8. Jake Smith says:

    I loved your work with the Alan Wake crossover, and I LOVVVVE this story. Nyx makes me hnnnnnng at levels paralleling Applebloom or Fluttershy. I can't believe I almost missed this one.

  9. Anonymous says:

    Either you update this or im going to go to your house and… Cut you.

  10. IkusaGT says:


  11. Flygon16 says:

    GOD DAMNIT!!! Right as I'm about to go to bed, you just HAD to post this. So long, remaining 3 hours of available sleep time…

  12. Will not read new chapters until tomorrow- I value my sleep too much.Love the comic- its cute and captures the essence of the story (so far) perfectly.

  13. Tricky Step says:

    3 updates at once and it's past 2 am here. Let's do this.

  14. Anonymous says:

    Three more chapters +comic!?yay~

  15. LoLZorZs says:

    The Image is amazing, it's way better than a one tiny trailer pic which just shows 1 scene as opposed to multiple scenes

  16. Bugsydor says:

    Anybody know if this story has a tropes page yet? If it doesn't, we should make one.

  17. Matthew-147 says:


  18. Mr.Brony says:

    HOLY FUCKING SHIT Why is Twilight getting executed and where can i find that particular scene ಠ_ಠ?

  19. Anonymous says:

    God damn it author….I thought i was going to sleep tonight turns out NOPE you just had to go posting more chapters.

  20. Anonymous says:

    I FUCKING LOVE THIS!!! I swear when I saw the new chapters out I got very…giddy I cant wait for more LITERALY, now where is my time machine

  21. Bugsydor says:

    Just read the scene with the fillies talking about the pinkie promise. I think my mouth and/or brain is broken, since I can't quite talk due to the delicious absurdity that is Pinkie Pie.

  22. Anonymous says:

    Take my stars all of them!!We are not worthy/bow /grovel /bow

  23. Anonymous says:

    This story is just tugging away at my heartstrings like a pro. Good work so far on it.

  24. Thesyn says:

    I thought I just died and went to pony heaven when I saw those new chapters! READING TIME! BTW have all my stars 100/5

  25. Anonymous says:

    WOMG! My heart sank yes by not being able to click to chapter 4 but to release THREE updates AND a comic??? I LOVE YOU! OMG I WISH other authors were this passionate about the stories they put up that get updated once in a blue moon XDWell off I go to continue this epic tale before I pass out from sleep deprivation! (I blame you but in a good way!)

  26. Anonymous says:

    Dat cliffhanger….

  27. I just finished chapter 6.I have to say, this marvelously touched my heart.Everyone is in character, and the relationshipbetween Nyx and Twilight is so adorable.Waiting for the next chapter will be painful!

  28. Batty Gloom says:

    Zis ez Batty Gloom, aszistant und editor to Pen Stroke. Let me say zat we are very happy und humbled by ze rezponse zis story had gotten. I know Pen Stroke quiet vell, so I knew ze story would be vell-received….but I had no idea et would be ZIS vell-received!So, I ask…ez mien gud fhriend Pen Stroke credit to Brony community yet?(Und ignore mien new "German" accent…et ez one of mien zings naow.)

  29. IkusaGT says:

    Boy Howdy did that Play have me on the Edge of my seat. I was like "oh snap is Nyx gonna go full Nightmare?" But she didn't all in al the play was cute and I would love to see some artists depict some scenes from it.Great updates can't wait for the next one.

  30. Sethisto says:

    4 stars yesterday, 6 stars today. Hell yah it deserves it!

  31. Flygon16 says:

    Seriously, Pen, just what is it that you want from me?Stars?Money?Internets?Manly tears?BECAUSE YOU FREAKIN' HAVE THEM ALREADY! ALL OF THEM!!! WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!

  32. Anonymous says:

    The simple fact that I know the artist and the author alone gets this a five from me.

  33. Batty Gloom says:

    @SethistoZank you, Seth! Zat means a lot to me und Pen Stroke! Oh, he will be so excited tomorrow vhen he vakes up!

  34. Anonymous says:

    I FUCKING HATE YOU! I hate you because my stories will never get 6-stars and you have more talent than I will ever have. What's more is that you won't even read this comment and I am pretty much just screaming into the wind, so what does it matter. YES, I'm jealous and YES your story is really really good. It's better than what I can make with all my effort and I HATE you for it. And don't you dare feel sorry for me! The minute you do that I'll have an opening to cut your throat. That is what people like me do. We hate those who do better than us, and we try to get rid of them. There is no real point in trying to use that effort to improve our talent since we won't be as good as you. So we'll target you. NO, I won't tell you who I am, and YES, this is a grudge. My only wish for you is to die instantly in a car crash so that there is one less reminder in the world of how much I fail at what I try to do.

  35. KiraFan05 says:

    Love your work. I can't wait for the next chapters to be posted. I love little Nyx. Best OC pony ever.

  36. RealityCheck says:

    This is a Nightmare Moon fanfic. it is made of win and awesome.And adorable.

  37. Flygon16 says:

    Shit. Shitshitshitshitshitshitshit. Guys, I just realized we have a MASSIVE problem on our hooves:[minor spoilers]I don't know which of Twilight's kids is more adorable, Nyx or Midnight! It's an impossible choice![/spoilers]

  38. Anonymous says:

    Pinkie Pie makes keeping secrets 20% scarier.Nyx is incredibly ridiculously adorable.Can't wait until next update.

  39. Anonymous says:

    I am so glad this updated so fast. I got to get the taste of Luna vs Threesome out of my mouth.

  40. Anonymous says:

    This is easily one of the best fanfics I've ever read. It's almost unbearable to wait for the story to continue.And updating it with 3 chapters at once was like Christmas in summer.

  41. Star Shine says:

    I bout had a heart attack right along side twilight there in Chapter 6!This is an amazing fic… *hoof over heart* Dear Celestia…

  42. Bucking Pony God I Want MOOAARRRREEEEEE

  43. Anonymous says:

    Chapter 6 was masterfully written, and tugged on my heartstrings something fierce. All in all, a wonderful update to a wonderful story.My biggest complaint is about the last line in Chapter 4:"…I have also come to realize this evening that swiftness in this matter is of the up most importance.”"up most" should be utmost. A small thing, but niggling little details like that get to me.

  44. Bravo author. Bravo.Please, keep this up. I want so much more to this, I'm still holding out for a nice happy ending,a dn I think slowly, I'll get it. Well, I hope!And thank you for implanting Nyx in my brain. I can't get her out of my head. She's clashing with my own ideas. Which isn't handy at work!But as I say, I can't wait for more! Thanks for making my day start so well!

  45. Damn, I was hoping for some cross reference to "Blood". The cultist could have spoken the language of the Cabals: I love your story.

  46. Batty Gloom says:

    @AnonymousZank you for pointing zat out. Eithah me or Pen Stroke will fix zat vhen we're not locked out due to too many readahs viewing.Vhile we may not alvays be zere 24/7, we do try to make ze time to read all comments on our fics, through comments on oldah fics take moar time for us to notice.

  47. Ditzy Derp says:

    Well crap im shedding manly tears over the chapter 6 I hope they get to stay a family when the princesses do eventually find out

  48. WTBrony says:

    Just read the first three chapters. This is awesome. Not only is it well written (which isn't always the case with fanfiction), but the story is extremely engaging. At the end of the third chapter, I felt my heart hurting for poor Nyx, even though I only "met" her an hour or so ago. Also, the normal tag gives me hope that this will have a happy ending. It better.

  49. Anonymous says:

    @Batty GloomDo … do you really talk with that accent, or is it just to freak us out? Or to entertain yourself? … Or both? DON"T SHOOT ME, I'M NOT JEWISH!!!

  50. Bugsydor says:

    Just finished chapter 6. I didn't even know that my O'D'awwMeter went that high! Thank you, Batty Gloom and Pen Stroke, for giving us such a nice juicy update to chew on. Well, off to see if this fanfic has a tropes page yet…

  51. Nintyuk says:

    Is any one else here getting a Malfoy vibe from diamond tiara and her father.

  52. Nintyuk says:

    Sod Celestias reaction, what about Lunas? She WAS Nightmare Moon, What would your reaction be if suddenly a child out of nowhere was created from part of you you had left behind and shared some of your memory's? Not only that the Blood & Adoptive mother of the child is your sisters prized pupil?

  53. @ Batty GloomZEN, When he Voke up, His Skeleton vas Missing, und The Doctor vas Nowhere to be Found!!!AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAnyvay, Dat's how I lost mein Medical License.

  54. Sigil says:

    Truly one of the best fanfictions I have ever read. And I mean in general not just My little pony related. Bravo my good man bravo. I cant wait for the next update. On a little side note is it wrong for me to have developed a deep resentful hatred towards Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara? They remind me of all the jerks that used to pick on me when I was little. I am with Twilight I would of turn them into a cactus.

  55. EonMaster says:

    I absolutely love this story. It's so nice seeing Twilight being motherly to Nyx, and finally asking Nyx if she would want Twilight to be her mother since she has no blood relatives.Sadly, the story image is telling me that all the happiness in this story is going to go to hell pretty soon…

  56. Anonymous says:

    @NintyukThat's a good question. Off hand, if it were me, I would wonder if that part remembered me (but wouldn't be surprised if it didn't). Then I would recall what measures I used against it, and I would wonder if this new pony had, in fact, a better way to calm the torment than I did. Maybe being marginalized and ignored was the WRONG thing to do to a pony that could shut out the sun. If I were Nightmare moon, I might think that there was a way for her to be better than what I turned out as. If possible I would try to do what I could to make that viable.

  57. ZeldaFan777 says:

    Damn it, its such a well written, well thought out story!!! Its just pulling at my hearstrings, hell, I even teared up at some points. But Im scared to read further now when you release the next chapters, I fell theyll be the most difficult to read, since I REALLY dont want anything bad to happen!!! 5 stars, naturally. Id give you 4 times that much if possible!!

  58. Craft says:

    @Batty Gloom"Now"?Pen Stroke has been a credit to the community since … I don't even know how many stories ago!This is just like some sort of super frosting on what was already an amazing cake!P.S. All my Dawws, You have taken them.

  59. Can somepony explain to me from not liking the idea of reading fanfics for some weird reason to getting there & enjoying stories like this?Me the idea of stories told in fanfics seam to be weird of how it detracts from the idea its from seams to be weird but now I read 2 or 3 intreasting stories & this story is a great story & I can't till the whole story finishStories I liked are this, Dark Equestria & a few others.

  60. Anonymous says:

    This is so bloody awesome! THIS IS SO WIN! TAKE MY 5/5 TAKE IT. GAH!

  61. Athens says:

    This is… Amazing. I have never read anything that tugs my heart strings so well.

  62. Starflower says:

    "Why can't I stop with one more peek(Please send me a pony here)It's 5 AM and I need to sleep"IT IS LITERALLY 4:51 AM AND I'M GOING TO BED. CONFOUND YOU PONIES, STEALING MY SLEEP. 8D

  63. WTBrony says:

    And now I'm caught up. Chapter 6 was incredibly dawwwww. One thing that as in the back of my mind the whole time though was Luna. Would she really be able to keep her composure while being forced to relive what we can probably assume was her worst moment? Still, I'm willing to let that slide because this story is so damn good.Though I'll say this now, if you give this a grimdark ending, I will hunt you down. Fair warning.

  64. CherryRie says:

    Chapters 4-6I started off feeling so very down this morning. But this story touched me in ways I can't easily discribe. My cest feels tight and I'm tearing up, but I'm so unbeliveably happy. Thank you. Please keep writing, this story is amazing

  65. Sunset Rose says:

    Up to chapter 6: I cried. It's beautiful. This is a fantastic story so far, Pen Stroke. Motherly Twilight is the most endearing character in the world, and Nyx is just…the sweetest thing.I love this story.

  66. Anonymous says:

    I KNEW it would be good… I just wish I had the time to spare to read it…

  67. WeirdPonyGuy says:

    You made me D'aww too hard in chapter six.Confound this ponies they drive me to D'aww.

  68. Anonymous says:

    >11:30 at night>find a lost ferret>named her nyxtrue story

  69. Arcel says:

    That… is such a beautiful story, and I can not wait for more, I demand More!!!!Also, I think I should point something out, though I may be wrong. So Spoilers:Though they aren't true blood relitives… they kind of are, I mean… Twilights Blood was used as an ingrediant in the spell, her blood helped create Nyx. *nod nod*… minor spoilers considering you read that in the first chapter, but still… and one last thing.DAAAWWWWW!!!! Twilight is Nyx's Mom =)

  70. DoubleMallow says:

    I usually wait until I completely finish a fan-fic before I start writing any form of review. But there are some that are just so great I feel I have to do them there and then.This is a fantastic 'fic. I love how it has such and adult origin, or at least a more mature story, and yet can still be so youthful and adorable like the show. Every important setting you write in is perfectly pictured: laid out and explained, but not overly described. I love how there are all these tiny little "plot throws", like when Nyx finds the sea serpent, or Twilight is worried Applejack and Rainbow Dash will find out about Nyx too early. If i only have one criticism, as Pinkie would probably say, keep it "light and airy, even when it's scary!" Although that's mainly just my prefrence that things be adorable instead of scary or too serious. As i said, not because those parts aren't good (the story wouldn't be as good without most of them), that's just what I like better. I love how your depiciton of all the main character's are on point, even your writing of Rarity: she's not too pompous, but still has class. Once again, one of the best stories I've read.Can't wait to read the rest of this wonderful fic:6 out of 5 stars for sure.

  71. Good day, ladies and gentlecolts!Seriously, when I saw that picture, I felt strong urge to read it. And I read it… later. And I don't regret it.On the one hoof, it have some dark moments with conspiracy and some serious identity crysises (no spoilers, you see).On the other hoof, story is filled with love and tolerance and magic of friendship. And Twilight as mother figure for little filly is… awesome. I want my mother to be Twilight Sparkle! There is no fairness in the world, my little ponies…And on the third hood… For Celestia's sake, I like Nightmare Moon! But she is one of the most underrated characters in the show (she wasn't even included in the poll for the best pony, or something). There is more fiction about Lyra. LYRA! THE BACKGROUND PONY! What in the hay?And on the last hoof… Nothing. I need at least on hoof to type.Stating the obvious, yourThe Most Evil Pony.

  72. ultra8 says:

    Epic artworkWonderful readAnd plenty of Dawww.Twilight's family dynamic was just adorable. Makes you wonder how she's going to explain things if her parents should ever stop by.Also extra props for the casting of the play and using all the exta kids, I could totally see that part done in an episode of the show.Keep up the stellar work and I'm looking eager to reading the next chapter.Looks like I've found a sound replacement for my summer reading until something like "It's Dangerous going outside your Door" get's a sequel or new project.

  73. Mr.PoPo says:

    Hello…what's this…holy fuck! 3 chapters at once…with a comic?! and a image poster which shows like 10 Scenes AT ONCE?!SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEYFUND IT, FUND IT ALREADY!!!, I'm Throwing Money at the screen but nothing happens WHYYYYLike holy fuck!, imagine if this story actually got turned into a comic :D, we need m0re c0micz

  74. Anonymous says:

    im crying like a bitch over herethis story made me it's bitchall is fine in the world

  75. Sketchpad says:

    Hohoho-ly CRAP! I am not one to cry. About anything. EVER. But that last scene where *SPOILER SPOILER*Twilight agrees to be Nyx's mom, had me tearing up. Nyx is just too adorable, and that was just too precious a scene.*END SPOILER END SPOILER*Kudos to you good sir/madam.

  76. Xedma says:

    FOR THE LOVE OF LUNA WRITE FASTER!!! This is now my favorite fic and is so amazingly written. It is now 7:01 A.M. and I feel it may be time to fall asleep. I can't stress enough how much I am enjoying this story. If only it could come to life on screen.

  77. epicplatypus says:

    Just read all of it….This is amazing… please, for the love of celestia… write more

  78. Tast says:

    Oh Penstroke, don't do that to me! I was, almost literally, fearing a heart attack while the play was happening. Now I fear an untimely death caused by suspense after reading about "the flash in his azure eyes." I shed two tears (I counted, seriously.) When Nyx said I love you. Oh ky gosh it was so sweet… You can have my mancard, but please don't let anything bad happen to Nyx… Don't tell Kkat, but LittlePip just got demoted from favourite OC to second favourite OC. Sweet baby Nightmare she's so adorable. Going to go read Creeping Darkness, now.

  79. Overkillius says:

    This is the second time I have actually shed man tears… the first time wasn't even pony related. I have had times where my eyes water, but this story (I don't even read normally) just struck an otherwise unresolved chord within me… I can't quite put my finger on it, but I relate some how, and this has put me somewhat at ease. I thought I already lost this when I first saw winter wrap up and became a brony, but TAKE MY MAN CARD! IT IS STILLED STAINED WITH MY TEARS OF JOY!!!That being said, I love how this story is woven together. This is one of the best reads I've ever had (and I look forward to reading this in the fut-… no I don't DON'T KILL/CORRUPT NYX! NYYYYYYX!!!!!(jk I DO want to read future chapters)). Unfortunately as I stated earlier, I don't ever read so I am not sure my opinion is valid… wait… people's opinions can be invalid?There are absolutely no flaws in canon or fanon that I can find. And now my favorite pony… is…Ny-still Rarity.

  80. Tast says:

    I don't think Celestia should go after Nyx, even if she suspects something… Not even Luna can guarantee her safety if she does. Maternal Twilight is just as sweet as Nyx to me, but that may be because Twilight is my favourite pony. Or, as I prefer to believe, she is genuinely amazing and my view isn't hindered by my bias. Option two seems more likely~

  81. Supersheep64 says:

    Shot straight to the top of my fav fanfic list.Nyx is best pony.

  82. ULTRAMARIOX says:

    Damn You, making an awesomesause story like this and then giving me a CLIFFHANGER? and its incomplete too 😦 I'm gonna make a fanfic and releaase it in parts too, but how did you make DAT PICTURE its beast

  83. Dawn says:

    YOU MADE MY HEART MELT! SO MUCH BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW Twilight double mommy, SOOOO SWEEEEET! HHHHHHHHHHNG! I NEED MORE OF THIS STORY! ITS BETTER THAN DRUGS!Oh and I was right about Nyx being NNM, except if you still have some other explanation to come up in the next chapters :3Now pardon me, but I have to continue throwing money at my screen.

  84. Anonymous says:

    THIS FIC. I NEED MORE OF IT.DAMNIT, Nyx is the most adorable and enduring woobie I've seen in fanfiction, PERIOD.And you portray the mane cast 100% spot-on, what's more! I get the same sense of enjoyment from this story as I do from the show itself.In fact, this story – so far – could easily make for an excellent MLP: FiM movie if they kept it as is, butI guess I should wait for you to finish the story before having such ideas. It'd be a savvy move on Hasbro's part, though; Nyx plushies, anyone?Anyways, just wanted to say excellent writing!

  85. Anonymous says:

    Hope everything turns out ok.

  86. Anonymous says:

    I shouldn't have eaten that oatmeal the day before, now my brain is wacked out. After reading this I still think like pinkie pie! Urf, Damn oatmeal. Was it in that milk drink, they said it had fiber so I drank it, then the next day I was like woo woo woo woow oow oow oowwooo and then I couldn't concentrate at school and I said lots o random things. I even thought that light is bent by itself even though it wasn't true. OOh, Did I think that because of an evil enchantress, OhZecorawaitnothat'sallgossip. I feel better now.

  87. Batty Gloom says:

    @AnonymousI dun't want to alarm you but…I zink you might be drunk. Lie down for a bit, ja?

  88. Bugsydor says:

    @5:20 Anon:Dangit, I was about to say that this feels like what a Friendship is Magic film should be like.Anyhow, this fanfic has now been recommended on TVTropes and I have put together the beginnings of a tropes page. I hope that I didn't screw this up too badly. Anyhow, I would really appreciate it if people would help improve the tropes page by maybe giving it a better description (I just copypasted the one from this page) and additional tropes (I currently have a paltry 7 listed). I expect the crowning moments of heartwarming page to fill up, for obvious reasons. I took the liberty of adding a synopsis of the scene where Twilight says Nyx can call her mommy, but I feel that I botched the delivery and somepony else should fix it.Welp, time to go and reread this fic.

  89. Anonymous says:

    my money.take ALL of my money!

  90. crazyredemu says:

    Twilight worries about what Princess Celestia might do, if I was her I'd be more worried about Luna

  91. Darth Equus says:

    Please don't toss rotten apples at me, but some punctuation errors simply MUST be corrected when we're dealing with a story of this caliber:"Good night Spike" makes it sound like some sort of object that can produce a good night. Should be"Good night, Spike", and such.Come on. You have to go that extra step!

  92. SummerPwny says:

    im going to spend the following week searching the forest after my own little Nyx. cuz HOLY CELESTIA is she CUTE.and this story is Amazing! please release more chapters :'D

  93. ray10k says:

    normally I really dislike Alicorn OC's, but with Nyx it just wouldn't work any other way. congrats, and here is hoping for a happy ending.

  94. Anonymous says:

    This could totally be integrated into the actual show, it was so good!

  95. Anonymous says:

    I have only one irk with the story. The author uses "kidnapping" instead of "ponynapping". It should maybe be corrected.

  96. ToonNinja says:

    I sh*t bricks when Nyx got to the play.

  97. ShadowFox04 says:

    The more I read, the more worried I become. I know it's all going to go to pot, but I really don't want it to happen. I love how it's all playing out, this is A grade movie material.Anyways, once again 5 more stars for each chapter.

  98. Excellent job. I shall be watching this story with great interest.

  99. SFC Ponycron says:

    A splendid job so far!I know I might be offering you to the chopping block, but have you requested a review from the Samurai? He's a very in-depth reviewer on /fic/ in Ponychan, and those that have read his reviews have held his opinion in very high regard.Keep this up, and it'll definitely earn "SFC Ponycron's Brohoof of Approval" (not that that means anything…yet).

  100. Var says:

    @ BugsydorI haven't added to the page but I did shift some things around – the link on the MLP fic rec page now leads solely to the Past Sins trope page, and people can get to the fic through there. That way, the tropes page will get more traffic and better tropers that you or I will give it some wiki magic.

  101. Luna's reaction to the play leads me to think she's come to grips with the whole Nightmare Moon thing and doesn't mind seeing a re-enactment of what was basically her redemption. Twilight's right to tread carefully around the Princesses, but the cultists are probably going to be the bigger issue.The heartwarming cuteness has reached critical levels now, which is going to make things that much more intense when we reach the climax. Keep it up!

  102. Anonymous says:

    New chapters? Yesyesyesyesyesyesyes!

  103. Erroneous says:

    It took a while for me to stop hyperventilating and read the damn play scene already. Seriously that scene stressed me out so hard. Props for great writing.

  104. Anonymous says:

    great chapters how long until the royal sisters and the rest of Twilights friends find out the true origins of Nyx if and fact their relationship is mother and daughter and how will they react if they ever do find out the truth and just how far will Twilight go to protect her newly found daughter great work keep it up also any chance of you letting other authers use Nyx in their stories she really is a great character

  105. Pen Stroke says:

    @MeshMealWell, I'm sorry you aren't interested in the story because of its length. Honestly, when I started out, I was intending to write something about this long, but the story itself turned out much longer. So, I hope I don't scare anyone else off, because there are a lot of chapters left.

  106. Anonymous says:

    @Pen Stroke I think it's better as a longer story, at least until now.

  107. Baree says:

    @Pen StrokeSpoilersBest news I've heard all day. The longer the better I say 😛 Nyx is just to cute.This seemed like the perfect time for Twilight to explain to Nyx why she didn't want her to go to the play. Not that it matters that much. It seems rather obvious where the story is going, but I might yet be surprised. Either way, I'm looking forward to whenever Celestia and/or Luna get involved. I have little doubt they suspect something, so I reckon it will be soon.

  108. Anonymous says:

    The picture is awesome. Nightmare Moon looks great. I also love the story idea. Amazing. I rarely ever read incomplete fanfictions until complete, because I hate to worry about cliffhanger endings. But the image caught my attention, I'll suck it up and read it. <3Also, Twilight is my favorite pony, I do hope she doesn't get hanged or anything. But there isn't Grimdark or Sad as a tag, so I kind of doubt it. Still though, the picture. D: I haven't read any yet, so excuse me if she doesn't, just saying.

  109. Kyle says:

    @Nintyuk You make a good point…Nightmare Moon was part of Luna, and fragments of it were used to create Nyx… Twilight's blood was used to fuel the spell…Dear Celestia, Nyx is Twilight and Luna's daughter!

  110. Var says:

    Can I just say that I find it really refreshing that Twilight told Nyx the truth about her origins? Normally conflict would arise because the parent figure would keep it a secret until the truth is revealed to the child at the worst possible moment. I was afraid first that it was going to be at the end of chapter 3, then I was worried that Celestia would figure it out at the play and confront Twilight about it, frightening Nyx, THEN I was worried she might somehow be fooled by one of the cultists.Instead, Twilight comes clean and much d'awww is had, but more than that – the cultists are going to now be facing an uphill battle, because Nyx has ingrained herself in her new life as Twilight's daughter, fully aware of her circumstances. I'm looking forward to when the secret is revealed to the rest of the mane cast, and to Celestia. Fantastic story, Pen Stroke. I can't wait for the next update.

  111. Anonymous says:

    Somehow I want to read the rest of this, but at the same time I don't want to? Fingers crossed for a happy future destined for Nyx and Twilight Sparkle…~onery

  112. Skay says:

    Saw the update this morning…couldn't read it until after class. Nearly died of anticipation.

  113. Saddlesoap says:

    Only just read this fic with the coming of the latest update. I have mentioned in other comments on stories that I am pretty stingy with high ratings, since I think ratings for fanfic on this site are a trifle generous (except for the ratings for MY fiction, of course! :p j/k).However, credit where credit is due: this is a wondefully written story, with solid characterization, realistic emotion, and an enjoyable authorial voice.The epic Nightmare Cult stuff keeps rearing its ugly head to remind the audience of future conflict whenever the slices of life seem finally to fall into place, and the pacing is leisurely without feeling slow. I assume it will all build to quite the climax.All things considered, this has been an exceedingly enjoyable read so far. I look forward to more, and happily dole out a 5.Bravo!

  114. Anonymous says:

    oh my goooodTwilight as a mom for Nyx:3best thing I could imagine… dawwwwww manly tears of joy T_Tand yeah I beg don't make the last scene from Cover happen I BEG YOU PLEASE!!! :< this story need happy ending (Twi&Nyx will live happy ^^)

  115. Anonymous says:

    Do you see the army of loving followers you now have, Pen Stroke? I imagine you could get these bronies to do tricks for you on command.This is a marvelous story. It cannot be complimented enough and I can't wait to read what happens next. Absolutely beautiful. Bravo!

  116. Wanderer D says:

    This continues to be one of the best stories I have read and have the pleasure of continuing reading.

  117. Anonymous says:

    this needs to be on the top of EQ.Bump it, someone bump it!

  118. Bugsydor says:

    @VarRouting everybody through the wiki page seems like a great idea. Getting more wiki magic through improbable giraffe herding skills is probably our best bet, as I don't feel like I alone can't give this story the page it deserves. Don't forget to improve the tropes page, everypony!

  119. Killerowl says:

    These tears are manly I tell you! MANLY!

  120. Anonymous says:

    There is something terribly wrong with a link in chapter 6! for some reason I highlight to go to chapter 7 and nothing happens! D:Gosh I started to get watery in the eyes with that whole who's who to Nyx and Twilight thought of Nyx was to her scene…. then the ending chuckle with Owlowicious and Twilight.Still you need to fix that broken link! and not at 2AM this time like you did with chapter 3!

  121. Pen Stroke says:

    @AnonymousCan't blame me for the Thursday 2AM posting.I provided Seth the new chapter links at about 9Am on Wednesday.

  122. Anonymous says:

    SO AWESOME, I love you, and I love how fast you work.

  123. I must confess this is only my third pony fanfic, and while I am normally ultra-hyper skeptical of fanfics, I must say something about this one caught my eye long enough to read the prechrapter (Which got me to read the rest of the story), this is definitely a six star fanfic. The really good writing and the why in which the characters are portrayed is believable and really good. I wish it where canon.

  124. Anonymous says:

    *gasp* More chapters!? Yay!I love that Twilight has revealed to Nyx her origins. The cultist's ability to dramatically say "You are Nightmare Moon!" and Nyx replying "No, that's not true! That's impossible!" have been shot in the foot. And Twilight is Nyx's mom!Also, Holy crap you guys I think Diamond Tiara's dad is a Death Eater.

  125. Devolution says:

    i normally dislike most fanfiction, but i'm hooked on this 😀

  126. Anonymous says:

    I started reading it, and oh dear, Twilight mom is amazing. I love little Nyx~ Amazing fanfiction. For me, it's in my favorites with Cupcakes, Creature of the Night, Blood, Sweat, and Tears, and some other Luna fanfictions~

  127. BB says:

    hnnnng oh god this is adorablesoooo adorableit is going to break my heart when shit hits the fan

  128. Anonymous says:

    @ anonymous 4:15pm:I concur on your descriptiion, Diamond Tiara's father is probably a [s]Death Eater[/s] cultist.However after reading I have come to the conclusion that the image in the bottom right of the cover image isn't a desire, but a fear belonging solely to Nyx, and for a simple reason, the execution is taking place at a "twilight" hour (dusk, or worse dawn) suggesting that one or both princesses are involved.

  129. Anonymous says:

    Oh man, this sucks. You know why?There's no 10/5 star option. Only a 5/5. :/But yeah, seriously, I loved this. Nyx is adorable, and the pictures that have been provided along with this story, along with the wonderfully portrayed characters, (The OC ponies, the background ponies, the mane cast… everypony in here is amazing, and either works well or is in character.) have made this not only believable, but easily imagined, which I love. The story flows pretty nicely, not dwelling on unnecessary things, elaborating on the details, etc. This is an amazing piece of work, and I hope you finish it soon. (Although don't end it quickly. Just work on the chapters faster. :P)[spoiler] If there's one thing I didn't really like, it was when Twilight introduced Nyx to Rarity. They seemingly talked about her disguise openly, (Calling it that, rather than daywear.) not trying to hide what it was from her, and she never once questioned it. [/spoiler]This is definitely on my list of stuff to look out for. I just hope you update it again soon, as it was amazing. Good job. 😀

  130. Anonymous says:

    This is really well written. I've only read chapter four but I think this is heading for an emotional trainwreck. Twilight really should have told celestia but at the same time tried to protect Nyx.I really hope the title picture isn't foreshadowing D:

  131. I love this fic so much as of yet. I just can't wait to see where it goes now, and I think that little Nyx is absolutely adorable.I'm strongly hoping that things don't go too awfully for her if the cult does find her…

  132. Anonymous says:

    Cabal, the fearless leader of has posted it on his profile, thus, insta-famed by a brony overloard. And it was awesome!!!

  133. Anonymous says:

    This story is nothing short of a masterpiece.

  134. Anonymous says:

    This story shows some very creative and excellent writing skills. The characters were portrayed very well and The story behind nyx And that being a shout out to one of my favorite and most epic tales here on equestria daily was awesome. Many times i couldn't help but giggle or even outright laugh-out-loud from the quirky things the characters did Like spike going 'MOM' In chapter 6 was Awesome, It was spike all over. Diamond tiara and silverspoon Were also prtrayed very well… Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Anyway, you know a story is good when it actually has you feeling for characters. Hate for the evil ones, Sympathy for those having tragedy forced upon them, ECT, ECT. The play Was Really cute, I loved it. I have this thing where my heart rate increases when i read a good story or when action is rising up. During the tense moment in the everfree and twilight's stress at the play had me going at about 100 BPM About 30 or something over my Resting heart rate. There is so much praise you deserve for This story I want to say more and more, but i think you get the point.

  135. 4Celestia says:

    Hugz everywhere =D

  136. Anonymous says:

    Ok, i can say that my honest reaction to this fic is:AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaa *gasp* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaa!!Ok, that got all the hyperactive happiness out of my system. Great story! I've only read three fics on this site that make me want to exult like that in response and this is one of them.Keep up the great work!\o/

  137. Meowsie says:

    Even if Nyx IS Nightmare Moon, she is the most adorable thing in Equestria.Especially in that comic. Awwwwwwwww!

  138. Anonymous says:

    Hey Pen Stroke, I was wondering. Is the music track of the Swan you have been linking the main theme of Nyx?Kinda cool, though I expected something more Baroque, like Vivaldi

  139. Nova25 says:

    Prelude :And this is why you must always clean up, after you have defeated the last Ultimate Evil… bones, ashes, artefacts… just in case you nuts-people have a Resurection Spell ready ;)Also… Nyx ? From the story ''the Party Hasn't Ended Yet'' ?Well, glad this name is used more ;)—–CH.1 : *Ball-curling Nyx* is rather adorable. :)Also, *Caring-like-a-mother'' Twilight* is a rather cute thought. :)—–CH.2 :*Learning Nyx* is, again, adorable ;)*Nyx with glasses* is good-looking.In fact… I believe that *Everything* Nyx is good and shall become a running theme for her ! :DIt's rather fascinating to see Twilight, and now Rarity, being good for Nyx and teaching her stuff like they would do with any other filly.(RD and AJ might be challenges at first, once they find out… and I can see Pinky Pie being able to see through the disguise 😉 )—–Break time…

  140. Nova25 says:

    @AnonymousIt should totally become her theme ! :D…hmmmm ? If I didn't know myself better, I would almost say that I'm becoming a fan of that one character ?Soon, Nyx will enter the mystical stream of *Continuity* !

  141. Anonymous says:

    This is such a good story I nearly cried in the last chapter.I can't wait for more! 😀

  142. This just has an utterly wonderful mix of subtle tension and relaxed flow. There's a certain everpresent possibility of disaster looming over each second, making each moment that much more special. I have no idea what took me so long to read this. It's really just fantastic.

  143. Anonymous says:

    You know technically Nyx is Twilight's and Luna's daughter

  144. Anonymous says:

    @AnonymousNo-no wait,okay, wait listenokay, so…Nyx is Luna's half-twin sister

  145. Anonymous says:

    Pssh, I prefer to think of Nyx as solely Twilight's daughter. Nightmare Moon was the cast off negative essence of Luna, but the blood used to give her a body was Twilight's and Twilight's alone.

  146. Anonymous says:

    If I only had 6 stars to give, I would give this story 72 stars. You can take all of mine and everyone elses stars.

  147. Anonymous says:

    I am dead.This story, and that comic, have killed me. My heart could not handle the cute and gave in. I am typing this by possessing the body of a teenage kid.In all seriousness though, this is a wonderful story! Can't wait for more!

  148. EvenMotion says:

    I wish there was more. I looooove this story.

  149. Suroguner says:

    Pen Stroke and Batty Gloom, do either of you have Garry's mod? Because Once I get the Filly bases made, I'm definitly going to make Nyx.

  150. Nova25 says:

    CH.3 :>The tiara wearing pony wore an expression of annoyance-Oh Noes ! ''Forgot her name-Tiara'' (ah ?, it was Diamond Tiara apparently) will surely cause troubles to poor Nyx….(Yay, a mention of Twist 🙂 )…*Pleading puppy dog eyes* Nyx is… well, you kinda know the song now ;)>“No, that won’t do it. It we’re going to prank her-''If we'' ?>“Bump! Bump! Sugar-lump, rump!” The pair said in unison-Little did they know that it was in fact an ancient spell to *Drop a meteor on their head*. What were the odds ? ;)>“So Silver Spoon and I just wanted to apologize for being so mean.-Quick ! Someone cast a meteor now ! This is our last chance; aim for the tiara. *whisper strongly* I will even laser-guide you !—–CH.4 :>He then dropped the book on a reading table, the pages flipping open as the owl too landed, bending over as he began to read.-So, he can read ? Well, that's interesting to know. 🙂 oddly enough, I had never really thought about that Owl, before now…. You know, started thinking about something there… Since Nyx was created from a drop of blood from Twilight, well, you know… Doesn't this ''technically'' make her her ''mother'' ? (as far as genetic goes) …

  151. Bugsydor says:

    @The Anon who posted a theme song:I salute you. I remember this song from hours spent playing AceCombat5. While I don't feel like bits of the song apply (yet), the chorus in particular, other parts match beautifully.

  152. Anonymous says:

    @BugsydorI was playing AC5 earlier before it gave me the idea to post the song… 😉

  153. KinkyOats says:

    … I care about an OCWhat is this witchcraft

  154. Anonymous says:

    @KinkyOatsIf you're referring to Nyx, she's not technically an OC, more of an character interpretation taken to the Nth degree.

  155. Batty Gloom says:

    @KinkyOatsIgnoring ze OC dah-bate, et ez a zing called characterization. Et ez ze same withcraft zat makes Fallout Eqvestria so gud.

  156. Anonymous says:

    You know, and I apologize if I am repeating someone else here, Nyx technically is biologically related to Twilight. Think about it; the cultists kidnapped Twilight in order to use her blood in the hopes of making Nightmare Moon immune to the Elements. Because of this, Nyx has Twilight's DNA, similar to normal biology, with the other half being filled with magic. Keep up the good work Pen Stroke and Batty Gloom. I look forward to reading the rest of this masterpiece.

  157. Bugsydor says:

    Anypony have some idea how long it usually takes for the Wiki Magic to kick in for a new works page on TVTropes? The page for this story needs more love.

  158. Batty Gloom says:

    @AnonymousLet me just say zat we are avare of ze issue und will take et ento consideration zomehaow. Zat ez all I will say for naow.So fhilled zat everybody ez enjoying ze fic! Und you won't have to wait long for ze next update, zat I can assure you.

  159. Anonymous says:

    It's funny…I usually HATE fanfics. Mainly because many of them tend to be poorly written and are painful to read through.This, however, is amazing. I actually find myself invested in the characters and engaged in the story. I'm beside myself with the fact that I can't wait for new chapters.The author's talent is clearly demonstrated.

  160. Anonymous says:

    Echoing the comments that ratings on fan sites tend to be overly generous for these kinds of things……that is certainly not the case with this story. Even with a few typos here and there, it does not take away from Pen's ability to write. This is very good stuff.

  161. Batty Gloom says:

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  162. Batty Gloom says:

    @AnonymousEt ez true zat my gud fhriend Pen Stroke ez talented but moar emportantly he ez puts en effort und hard verk en his writing. Take et from me, his editor. He ez willing to write, rewrite, und zen rewrite ungain undtil ze writing ez purfiect…und zen emprove et once moar! I know no othah writahs who put en moar effort ento ze writing zen him, ezpecially vhen et comes to ze fan fictions.

  163. Heartmend says:

    This story is just amazing. I couldn't help but weep tears of joy for Twilight and Nyx at the end of Chapter 6. I love the feeling of uncertainty looming over everypony's head. I'm really excited about where this story will go!You capture all the characters' personalities perfectly, including Pinkie Pie breaking the fourth wall. I love how nopony is surprised by that and the story just keeps moving right along, just like the show!Thank you so much for writing and sharing this. I am quite impressed with how much quality stuff this fandom produces. It's nothing short of amazing. 😀 (This is coming from a guy who HATED fanfics!)

  164. Alexstrazsa says:

    Oh my goodness… I could feel warm, happy tears welling up inside of me as I finished up chapter six. Pen Stroke, both you and Batty Gloom have created a true gem of fanfiction. I'm going to be terribly upset when this ends, because it's one of the few fics I've had the utmost pleasure of reading. I'm so glad that I took the time to pre-read this when I could, because it's gotten so much better than I thought possible. Really, keep up the fantastic work, and know that you've really created a masterpiece. I sincerely wish that I had half of the writing talent that you two did. I commend thee.

  165. Anonymous says:

    @AnonymousIt's 4am and theres not even a single new chapter or piece of art updated! If you have him tied up in some basement or harmed Pen in anyway get ready for a lynching!PEN ARE YOU OK?! DID THIS PERSON CHOP OFF YOUR FINGERS?! If you can reply (even if only with your face) say something! D:

  166. Arion A. says:


  167. Anonymous says:

    up to 107 pages by chapter 6. These fanfics could be novels.

  168. Hunter X says:

    Oh my god, this is beutiful. The story and characters are perfectly depicted, and Nyx is an incredibly lovable character.Better Living was another one of my favourite fics and I'm glad to see the author is still at work. 1000/5 stars.

  169. Anonymous says:

    I can wait to see some more chapters one of the best Fan Fics I've read. Great job!

  170. Anonymous says:

    With the big fancy commissioned artwork, I was expecting a really polished story. I can't help but notice the really simple mistakes like words being doubled (ex: with with) or wrong tenses, bad or strange word choice.I don't want to discourage you, Pen Stroke, but a little more fine-tooth combing before posting would give more credit to the story.

  171. Batty Gloom says:

    @AnonymousWe'll try harder but for your information, each chapter is proof-read no fewer than three times before posting. So, unless you're willing to be a proof-reader….

  172. @AnonymousHEY! I'm german, and I feel positively offended! Because I am NOT a nazi, most of us aren't nazis and I HATE HATE HATE nazis!

  173. @AnonymousJust for your information, I am German. And I feel offended. So go fuck yourself.

  174. Batty Gloom says:

    @Dat fucking writefag……..(My simple representative OC joke has opened up a can of worms, hasn't it? My apologies. I can drop the accent if it offends my German Bronies.)

  175. Var says:

    You know what would be a really cool twist?if Diamond Tiara's father turned out to actually have contacts with the Royal Guards or the Princesses rather than the Children of Nightmare. Everyone, me included, figure because the kid is a jerk it's follow that her parent is one of the bad guys lurking in the background (like Draco Malfoy) so making Tiara's father be the one who eventually brings Celestia's attention to Nyx's orgin would be a great subversion of our expectations. I'm not saying he has to be a heroic figure, just that he's not one of the villains. I mean, it's not like there's only one Nightmare cultist in Ponyville, and it's likely they went to the play to since it was part of the festival.I dunno, just a thought.

  176. Anonymous says:

    @Batty GloomI'm a German and you doing that accent is fine (and funny). Of course, some people are going to make terrible nazi jokes, but most Germans on the internet are probably used to that by now and can deal with it.

  177. @Batty GloomWhat are you blabbering about?Your accent offends no pony, the stupid assumption of this one anonymous guy that germany is still nazi country is offensive.Errm, wait, blabbering sounds rude, and I don't mean to be rude, especially towards somepony who helped Pen Stroke with his amazing fan fics. Sorry.It's just that the thought that this was somehow YOUR fault is so ridiculous.

  178. Var says:

    @ Batty GloomIf people are honestly being offended by your cute little parody accent, then they need to develop thicker skin. Really though, looks like people are mad at the dude who made the tasteless nazi joke.Keep on shining, Batty Gloom!

  179. Rockburgh says:

    @Anonymous 0158h J22: You're right in that this could be a novel– at least if Pen Stroke used his own IP! I know I'd buy it… some of these authors should really go professional.

  180. Anonymous says:

    Well, I'm only on Chapter 5 right now, but I read Chapter 4 and I think Nyx is NOT Nightmare Moon.I think Nyx is an entirely different pony, made by the magic with the appearance and memories of Nightmare Moon. But different. Maybe her mane was like Nightmare Moon's because she was corrupted or because of the magic and memories? Anyway, I felt bad for her. D: But amazing story! I also realized I believe the Twilight hanging is probably Nightmare Moon's thoughts, too. :3

  181. Nova25 says:

    CH.5 :Really Twilight, you should know better than to leave such books open at hoof-reach, when an impressionable filly is nearby…Especially when the filly in question is Nyx and also a member of the CMC. ;)—–CH.6 :>Dinky Doo was pulling off a pretty darn good Twilight-Hurray ! …Dinky ;)I wonder, if Nyx will interact with Dinky at some point ? Might be something good, you know, something with her mother (Ditzy) being teased too by some ponies, but showing that Ditzy never let them stop her from being happy and stuff. (kinda relate to Nyx being bullied)>“You were wonderful Muffin.” Ditzy Doo replied, giving her little filly a noogie and a hug.-Awwwww… Muffin :)Dinner ! >“YAY!!!” :Dpunishment >“Awww…” ;)>Diamond Tiara’s father just kept staring-Not saying it, but really, it's kinda obvious, no ? …*Dun-duun DUUUN !*>And, because you don’t have parents, you don’t have any normal blood relatives like uncles, brothers, aunts, sisters, or grandparents.”-Hummm, blood drop anyone ? Helloooo ?I'm not an expert on Genetic science, but creating another 'being' from a part of you… Since the 'being' was created from your genetical material, and the result is a YOUNG Filly, well… Daughter, right ?…I seriously hope they realize that, at some point in the story… Otherwise, it would be kinda disappointing, if not even a (clear) ''mention'' was made…(then, 2minutes later…)>“So… if Owlowiscious and Spike are like my older brothers… what does that make you?”*whisper LOUDLY* DROP OF BLOOD ! Hint-Hint !>“Well… Nyx… if I was really honest… I’d say…” Twilight had to swallow, the words getting caught on the knot in her throat. “That… I’m like… well… your mother.”-Hurray ! See, it wasn't that hard was it ? :)And what comes after that is so *Awwwwwww* that you want to hug them too.-Seriously, I have read a LOT of *Awwww* moments in stories, but this one is a moment that REALLY makes me want to hug the screen… before remembering that it's a screen, of course.—–(and that's how Equestria was made… kinda explain the 6 Stars too, ''now'' that I think about it 😉 )

  182. @Batty GloomDude, you got it wrong. I don't mind your accent, I find it cute. What pisses me off is the assumption of that "edgy" coward anon that I am a nazi because I happen to be German. Is it my fault I was born in that shit country?!It's the same bullshit the world puts on you Americans being fanatic homophobe warjunkies. That's my problem here. Parodies are alright, but what this anon did…If you want stereotypes, go watch Southpark. But leave it out in ED.

  183. Nova25 says:

    Could people just stop and return at commenting ABOUT THE AWESOME STORY !It's the Internet, no one ''really'' care about all that stuff…But, people do care about this story here and now, so… STORY TIME ! …or something.*Insert Love and Tolerance ''something-something'' quote*

  184. @Dat fucking writefagSHIT COUNTRY?Well screw you, I happen to like it here. There are some stupid issues with copyright and censorship, but other than that it's a pretty nice country, in my opinion. And even if you happen to disagree, which I can totally accept, calling it a SHIT country is going a little too far…So please, let's be a little more civil, alright?

  185. @Nova25*sigh*Okay, okay, I give up, you're right.So.About the story.It's awesome.Exactly what is to be expected from the author of Better Living Through Science and Ponies, as well as Creeping Darkness.I don't like how many ponies are theorizing about Twilight getting… erm, is it hanged or hung? Screw it, about Twilight getting executed.THAT IS NOT THE AUTHOR'S STYLE. Go read Creeping Darkness and BLTSaP! They both end happily, just like this story almost certainly will. So stop worrying.Okay, now I have a question for everypony (especially Pen Stroke himself): Does anypony know any other stories, preferably MLP fanfics, by this wonderful author? Because I'd probably like to read them.

  186. Pen Stroke says:

    @theuncalledforThe only other MLP Fanfic I've written to date that has its own post on Equestria Daily is the One-Shot Changing Octaves, which was a short I wrote when Cereal Velocity threw down a challenge in a music post. Here's the address:

  187. Anonymous says:

    @AnonymousWell, Nyx is Nightmare Moon's reincarnation. She is Nightmare Moon, but the spell that made her was incomplete and instead of a Nightmare Moon in her full glory the spell made the closest thing it could make, a filly. Nyx is a blank slate that can develop differently then the final product she was based on.

  188. Anonymous says:

    @AnonymousAh, yes! That makes more sense than my thought. I do hope she doesn't turn out like the other Nightmare Moon. I like her more when she's sweet like she is 🙂

  189. @Pen StrokeYou answered! Personally!Thank you! YOU'RE AWESOME! ❤

  190. Truthseeker says:

    Incredible, simply incredible. I salute you sir, and I will mention your story to my own readers. I e-mailed you with my critique. I do not care if it diverts some of my own readers, your work SO deserves it.

  191. @theuncalledfor>a little more civilAlright, I can live with that.

  192. nemryn says:

    I think everypony else has already said everything I was going to say, so the only thing left is for me to demand fanart of Dinky as Twilight. So adorable!

  193. starcat5 says:

    *Chuckles* I just had the most EVIL idea. When the horse apples hit the fan and the Mane Cast finds out that Nyx was meant to be Nightmare Moon 2.0, it turns out that Pinky Pie had figured it out some time ago. When asked if it was because of her Pinky Senses Tingling, however, we cut to a flashback of Pinky Pie submitting a Pre-reader report (Or whatever Pre-readers do) to Equestria Daily. When we jump back to the present, she suddenly acts awkward and says "Yah, something like that."

  194. Anonymous says:

    I love that the story seems to have been planned out in its entirety.Pacing, good sir or madam–you have it.

  195. Sparkler says:


  196. Bravo! Beautiful! I totally cried at chapter 6. Please, write more! This is a wonderful story. 🙂

  197. Anonymous says:

    This story was worht all of my free time..NEED MORE

  198. Bugsydor says:

    Can Luna in Socks's D'awesomeness be applied to Nyx? Preliminary results indicate YES. Dangit, I need a Nyx wallpaper to add to my collection. A couple of these pics are about the right size, though…

  199. Nova25 says:

    @theuncalledforBah… I theorize that it's just a thought of Nyx (caused by Nightmare Moon's memories)… maybe from the ''I wanted to hurt her'' or from the ''If people know about me, they might do that to her'' (fear of what could happen).—–@AnonymousI'm pretty sure that the first use of the name ''Nyx'' (the origin of the name), for the ''being'' behind Nightmare Moon, was from the story ''Party Hasn't Ended'' (at the end), just to let people know.

  200. MichielDeMey says:

    By Celestia.. MOAR!

  201. Anonymous says:

    To all the people thinking the name Nyx is a reference to a video game, a book or another fanfic, educate yourself:

  202. @Nova25Exactly. Those are, by far, the most probable explanations for the picture, considering the author.Which is just another reason to LOVE LOVE LOVE this author! <3Hail Pen Stroke, who answered me personally! Who wrote Creeping Darkness and BLTSaP! Master of happy endings for suspenseful, fun stories!

  203. Anonymous says:

    I am hoping the next chapters are just as good as it is so far. Amazing story, please keep it amazing though the whole thing.

  204. Pen Stroke, i would really say that if your aunt was here to see this…beautifully exciting story you wrote… this could have made her happy inside you and all of us fans to you from reading this spectacular story

  205. I am interrupting my ComicCon vacation to check this story for updates…I hope you're happy!

  206. Pen Stroke says:

    Just dropping a comment here so I know what comments came after chapter 7,8,9, & 10 were posted.

  207. Flak says:

    Holy crap, how many chapters do you have in reserve!? I didn't expect 10 chapters in 4 days, this is crazy.Anyway, I read up to chapter 6 yesterday and it was brilliant. I couldn't stop thinking about it at work yesterday and today. I was going to get stuff done today, but I'm not anymore.

  208. Anonymous says:

    Wow, you keep them coming, don't ya? Time to read the next 4 parts.

  209. Anonymous says:

    I was only going too read part 3 but I read everything through part 6 instead. I love the bit with the school play (though I wonder if the princesses were really fooled — given how forgiving and compassionate they are, they might well know who Nyx is and want to give her a normal life with Twi anyway). I shed several manly tears at the final part of chapter 6. "What am I? I guess I'm your mother." *sniff*I'm so eager to see the rest of this.~Ardashir

  210. Anonymous says:

    Finally got around to reading all of these. Very touching. I can't wait to see more.And yes, Pen Stroke is credit to community!

  211. Nova25 says:

    @Pen StrokeWell… seems like the 145+ stories in my backlog will have to wait a little more.(seriously… there's way too many new stories coming per DAY, on this site… not that it's bad, but an average of 5-7 new stories/day when you can only read 3-4/day… let's just say that the backlog grows quickly !)

  212. Baree says:

    4 new chapters… I am trying so hard right know to save them for tomorrow… But its hard, man. Hard… I want to read them NOAW!

  213. Anonymous says:

    OH GOD THAT WAS SAD!!!… I wont cry… I wont…. *starts blubbering* NYX!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

  214. John Savant says:

    This is AMAZING. The best fanfic made yet.

  215. DVega says:

    the updates. it's coming too fast!

  216. Anonymous says:

    I just finished reading it all, and he adds 4 more chapters less than an hour later. Guess I should clear my schedule tonight.

  217. Anonymous says:

    Four more chapters? Are you trying to kill us? This story qualifies as a weapon of mass D'AWWstruction. But still…. thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou.

  218. Anonymous says:

    Dammit Celestia, when half your royal court is conspiring against you, among them your old personal protege, you must be doing something wrong.

  219. Anonymous says:

    Why was Celestia being unreasonable to Twilight's pleas?

  220. Colegate55 says:

    4 updates! This is like a Pinkie Pie party (but more melancholy)!

  221. Batty Gloom says:

    @AnonymousTelling you naow would be telling. Ze next chaptahs will shed light on Celestia's motives.

  222. Anonymous says:

    Celestia is a terrible judge of character.

  223. Dawnsinger says:

    Right so, a few comments:1) Oh wow, more please…2) I thought you did really well portraying Nyxs' confusion as she tries to figure out who she is and separate that from who she was.3) I really like the way you did Pinkie Pie and her inexplicable but uniformly effective Pinkie sense.4) I love the name Nyx.5) Twilight is the best. Just sayin'…6) Don't know if you have any of this planned, but I really would love to get Luna's take on this whole mess.7) More please… Did I already say that?8) You are totally to be commended for this work of art. Take. My. Stars. All of them.9) My compliments to Batty Gloom for what I presume stellar editing/proofreading/whatever-it-is you do. Keep it up!10) Also, my compliments to the artist of the cover picture, if that wasn't you Pen Stroke. (And, well even if it was)

  224. Applebloom says:

    Ah can't read these fast enough! By the time ah finish the recent update, 5 more fall in! @.@

  225. CrimsonStorm says:

    Wow oh wow. I hope more updates come soon – I hate to see Nyx like this! Though your poem does give me hope.

  226. ShadowFox04 says:

    My eyes, appear to be watering. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?Seriously though, Twilight shouting at Celestia, you're pulling it all off perfectly.

  227. Ehh… looks interesting, but… *looks at author**immediately thinks of Better Living Through Science And Ponies*…ALL OF MY MONEY!!!

  228. Anonymous says:

    AH YESNew updates! Must read tomorrow ❤

  229. Nintyuk says:

    Neeed more. Momma Twilight is the cutest thing ever and Nightmare moon needs some time to remember the love and realise that her negative emotions she has towards every thing were never hers in the first place, they were Luna's.

  230. Sparkler says:

    Oh no……no no no no no NO!> We're my thoughts as events transpired in the latest chapters. Excellent job thus far!

  231. Arion A. says:

    I just died. This better have a happy ending cuz nyx is my favorite pony now. 😡

  232. Sparkler says:

    More appropriately -

  233. Anonymous says:


  234. Anonymous says:

    heheheHAHAHAHA oh man this is AWESOME!!!

  235. RavensDagger says:

    Epic, simply epic. This is insanly well written.

  236. Affixiation says:

    I love this story. Thats all I can say.

  237. Nova25 says:

    CH.7 :>Honored Brother Regal Cut – Prophet of Ponyville.-And thus the *Dun-duun DUUUN* came to its conclusion. As the prophetic Theory foretold. ;)… Oh my, it seems that the bad ponies AND Celestia are coming closer to find out about Nyx !You can be sure that, regardless of who is the first to find out, that Twilight will do everything in her power to not let Nyx down. :)>“Let me guess: Danver is a type of carrot.”-Hum ? Well, you learn something new everyday, as they say. 😉 (…danver ?)>“I mean, I new Cotton Candy was good-''new'' ?>“They didn’t exactly look like horses.”-Horses and ponies, theory #59 (random generated number) : Horses are to ponies, what Neanderthals (exemple) are to current humans. That would explain why Twilight was allowed to ''make'' horses, and everypony was ok with it, and with nopony going all crazy about it…. Pinky Pie – Spy detector ! … Also, Fluttertree GO! 😀 …—–CH.8 :>She was taking care of this filly like a daughter, like she was Nyx’s mother… -Well, technically… SHE IS !Blooooood Drooooop !…Genetic !SCIENCE! (in caps, and with the '' ! '' and everything.)>Others didn’t applaud at all, whispering to each quietly.-I knew it. Those sorts of school/sport events are always the moment where the person's secret(s) are discovered (or main suspicions are stated), in stories and movies. ;)—–Also… Awwwwwwww, Nyx with a sock on her head 🙂 😀 ;)… looking all ''whut ? who did that 🙂 ?''. That's enough to induce a second 'awwwwww'.

  238. Andrew says:

    Oh my gosh give me a heart attack why don't you? Four updates? OH MY GOSH YOU ARE MADE OF WIN AND PRO. And just kidding about the heart attack thing.

  239. Anonymous says:

    I thought of going to sleep but thought "Hey I should check Equestriadaily one last time!"Past Sins : Nope.

  240. Var says:

    Damn, my theory of Diamond Tiara's father not actually being evil was wrong. Oh well, it was just a thought.Reading on… I'm always nervous during the happy scenes because I'm afraid the looming threat of discovery will ruin everything. And it almost did twice already…Celestia consults with Nexus… well, there's still the chance that Twilight can talk her down…No…NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!I-I knew it would happen like this… Nyx being yanked away from Twilight in the worst possible way…Nyx… I hope you continue to refer to her as Nyx. I'm really, really looking forward to the second half, and I appreciate the note you left – very reassuring, really!Looking forward to how you deliver Nyx's character from here on out.

  241. Anonymous says:

    This is the best story to enter the fandom with.PS: This song perfect for these last few chapters, or well the last one at least.

  242. Anonymous says:

    Old Order? Pen Stroke, did you watch star wars?

  243. Anonymous says:

    Can't believe no one has posted a single thing about chapter 10. Jesus, and its only half over? Can't wait for part two.

  244. Anonymous says:

    We need a conclusion STAT!

  245. Anonymous says:

    @-@ How are there zero comments regarding chapters 7 to 10. Really… Can't wait for part two!

  246. Anonymous says:

    Take your fingers, run them over the keybord, and keep pumping gold.

  247. Sigil says:

    I LOVE THIS FAN FICTION! I love every part of it, I love how fast it updates, I love the art and I love the characters. Especially Nyx <3.

  248. Anonymous says:

    This fanfic…Shall be declared the best fanfic.

  249. NOOO! Poor Nyx. Poor Twilight…

  250. Anonymous says:

    This is by far the best thing ever. I can't even put into words how much I like your story.Thanks.

  251. Anonymous says:

    You officially have the most perfectly in character Pinkie I've ever seen in a fanfic.

  252. Anonymous says:

    That was soul crushingly painful, poor Twilight and poor Nyx. I love Celestia but I honestly wanted to punch her in the face when she took Nyx away. Anyway, keep up the great work. I demand a happy ending ;)Also, the little rhyming poem at the end. I read that in Zecora's voice and suddenly felt like she was telling the story. It was a nice touch.

  253. Anonymous says:

    This is the glory of the true writer. To be able to open up the chests of your readers with a word, to hold their beating hearts in your palm and stroke them lovingly, and then an instant later to throw them to the floor and dash them into pieces, to capture their souls with every beautifully written character and to wrench them and twist them and tear them apart.Sir, with your writing you wield a weapon greater and more terrible than any sword or gun or bomb could ever hope to be. I pray of you, be merciful.

  254. Anonymous says:

    Diamond Tiara is the Draco Malfoy of Ponyville. Amirite?

  255. Anonymous says:

    NOOOOOO NYX!!!!!!!D':

  256. Batty Gloom says:

    I am very glad zhat everyvun ez still enjoying ze fic. Pen Stroke und I vere afraid zhat zhis vould be ze future of me und Pen Stroke."Wait, wait, wait, wait, et gets bettah! Vhen Nyx voke up she became Nightmare Moon ungain und zhen ze writahs vere nevah heard from ungain!HAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!Hooo….anyvay…zhat ez haow I lost mien fan-fiction license."

  257. Anonymous says:

    I'm actually sobbing right now.Damn you, Pen Stroke. Damn you.

  258. swordman600 says:

    oh god i hope this has a very happy ending

  259. Themasterofb says:

    This is now my favorite fanfic.I also love how often it's updated.(please tell me it will continue to update this fast)

  260. Anonymous says:

    Only a few hours ago, I read the first 6 chapters and thought, "This is really good, I hope it doesn't take forever to update." I check EqD, and BAM! There's my answer.

  261. Anonymous says:

    @Batty GloomI am the one who made a bad Nazi comment ("don't shoot me, I'm not jewish") PURELY out of jest. Some people got offended (on the internet, huh, imagine that). BUT for Batty Gloom to take it to heart and feel as though the blame lay on him/her (not sure, sorry), that's not good at all. Batty shouldn't feel that way, and here is my official public apology to Batty Gloom, for starting a TINY situation that made you self conscious. I am sorry. To all the overly sensitive Germans out there, what can I say. My comment was not meant to offend, and you most likely knew that. You probably were looking for a chance to troll using the "politically correct" card, and I have to honestly question if you were actually German.To all the ACTUAL Germans out there: I LOVE your beer, keep up the good work.

  262. Hnnnng… No… Scrap of hope… scrap of hope… Nyx-mare Moon can't look Scootaloo in the eye? I'll hang on to that.And this is only the HALFWAY marker?! Argh, how else can you tear at our hearts Pen Stroke? Another ten or eleven chapters full of pain and angst before it turns out good? How do we fix this? Can we trust the Elements of Harmony not to tear Nyx apart if they're used?I… I don't think so…More, more, more!

  263. Flak says:

    Oh my Celestia, chapter 10 was heartbreaking (in two ways). The scene where Celestia was taking Nyx away brought tears to my eyes. Also seeing Nightmare Moon back broke my heart knowing that Nyx is gone. But I know that some part of her adorable self still lingers. Beautifully written.I must read the final chapters now, although I'll miss that cute, adorable black filly.

  264. Ah, Pen… what have you done to me…That bit with Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara… really hit home for me. Dug up some very, very painful memories……the wolves, I'd called them… they had their packs, and I, a lone wolf. Such loneliness… I guess I have a few skeletons in my closet after all…Well done, though. I can't count how many times this story made me D'awwwwwwww. You've got something really good here. Never let it slip away.

  265. Anonymous says:

    Wow, you come out with chapters REALLY fast, and they seem to have REALLY good quality. … You're from the future, aren't you? A future where really good writing material can be made really fast. It won't surprise me at all, when I eventually see news shows talking about a temporal rift through which works of fiction have bleed through to our time.

  266. Anonymous says:

    *Eagerly awaiting for the cracks to deepen and splinter*

  267. Anonymous says:

    @AnonymousSTOP IT!! IT WON'T GO DOWN THAT WAY!! YOU'RE A MONSTER!! *goes to cry in a corner*

  268. Anonymous says:

    >looks at first picture Oh Celestia! NYX. IN. SOCK!

  269. ZeldaFan777 says:

    Damn it, just…DAMN IT. I knew it was coming, I knew for a fact it was, but god almighty I REALLY wasnt ready for it. You pulled my heartstrings so much they snapped, I had tears swelling up read all of 10, and just…pure hatred for those that corrupted Nyx. Every part was filled with heartbroken tears, and wanting everything to be ok. I know, I read the poem too, but until I see the next chapter, I am filled with true pain.Truly, this is a work of words that will make this mighty fall on there knees, and cry.Well done, good sir, well done…

  270. And in Chapter 10 we learn that Twilight Sparkle is a coward.Spoiler alert!Celestia: I'm going to take your daughter and flip a coin. If it's heads you get her back. If not we'll dissolve her with magic.Twilight: Okay, I'll just sit here and cry.

  271. Anonymous says:

    Wow, amazing. I love this. I wanted to cry during the last chapter but apparently my brain was aware it would hinder my reading so it reinforced the floodgates. I'll find the time to cry later. (And if I can't, i'm expecting some real tear jerking moments in the future. I don't cry easily so you got your work cut out for you.) if Ch10 is the halfway point then the next 10 chapters are sure to be amazing. No pressure tho. lol keep up the great work. (Drawfriends: need more Nyx. Now.)

  272. Bugsydor says:

    Not sure if this is a SPOILER: (From chapter 9)———————————————–"Nyx was happy as she could be, bouncing along with her first place ribbon from the tug-of-war competition, wearing her Cutie Mark Crusader cape and a kazoo in her mouth, her chosen prize from the prize box. The little filly was content to play the kazoo in a triumphant fan fare that only she knew the notes to, a sight that made Twilight smile a little." ———————————————End possible SPOILER. Would somepony please draw this now?

  273. Hio590 says:

    OMIGAWD THIS STORY. THIS ART. THESE BURST UPDATES! You, sir, have got a winning combo right here

  274. RealityCheck says:

    Oh my God.If Twilight doesn't get her baby Nyx back, I will never, EVER forgive you.

  275. Anonymous says:

    And thus, unknowingly, Nyx, now Nightmare Moon, signs Twilight's death warrent. Thus the images in the cover image will come to pass, Nightmare Moon has already confronted Twilight, Twilight's friends will attack (with trixie as a subsitute bearer of the element of magic as Twilight will be imprisoned), the cutie mark crusaders will be imprisioned (by who I don't know), and Twilight will be hung at a twilight hour for Nightmare Moon's crimes as she personally took responsibility for her actions in front of Celestia.

  276. Anonymous says:

    CHAPTER 10 IS SO SAD!!!!

  277. Astronelson says:

    Why can I not give more stars? I must take more computers and rate this five stars from everywhere!

  278. Oh dear, I just realized. We've hit all the scenes from the left side of the cover image and now it's time for the right side… One of which I can connect with the end of Ch 10…

  279. Anonymous says:

    I do kind of like Nyx; But after that diatribe I also can't wait for somepony to sock her^^

  280. Anonymous says:

    Awwww…I miss lil' Nyx already…

  281. Anonymous says:

    I can't get over how amazing this story is. I need more.RIIIIIIIGHT NAAAAAOOOOO!

  282. Anonymous says:

    Nyx isn't responsible for what Nightmare Moon did before.Now, however, everything she does will be on HER head.Let's see where this will lead. (Hopefully not a Villain Sue)

  283. Nova25 says:

    CH.9 :>The little filly was content to play the kazoo in a triumphant fan fare that only she knew the notes to, a sight that made Twilight smile a little.-*Filly-happy* Nyx is quite an adorable thought. 🙂 (also, isn't it ''fanfare'' in one word ?)>though she’d try to keep herself from jumping around endlessly saying “Yes!” as she had done with the Crusaders.-aww… But it was so very cute ? 😉 … … …! Have Nyx do a *Yes! Yes! Yes!* moment 😀 (if you want to, that is 😉 )>Nyx fell silent at this, glancing back at her vest. “There… there is something I can show you.”-''Noooo Nyx ! Don't do it !'', I said before realizing I was speaking to my screen, ''…dumb fabric, hum, I mean screen.''-Good thing they are 'kids', right ? ;)>glass of orange juice floating in his levitation magic nearby. He swirled the contents gently-Instead of wine, he goes for orange juice… what an odd villain ;)>“This is actually why I came to you Spell exus.-Nexus ?>I fear for the safety of my student, but at the same time I know that if Nightmare Moon is just trying to bide her time then she will not risk hurting Twilight without reason.-She clearly didn't research enough about Twilight and Nyx relation ? She needs a *Nyx with a sock on her head* as a proof or something ? Bad Celestia, bad !(Also, Batty… the accent… I can BARELY read what you write in your comments, when you do it… just saying.)

  284. Anonymous says:

    Pinkie Sense can detect Spies?!VALVE, TIME FOR A NEW TF2 CLASS!!!

  285. Mr.Brony says:

    I Only read this because of the images which are amazing, i hope someone will make a full comic with this story

  286. IkusaGT says:

    @Cold in Gardez I wouldn't call her a coward for doing what she did in her case. Celestia presented her case and Twilight accepted that it was the logical decision. However it wasn't until she ponied up she realized her mistake. As for Twi heading to the gallows I doubt Celestia would sentence her faithful student to that. Celestia will probably admit to twilight she made the grave mistake in handing over Nyx. Though twilight did agree to punishment should Nyx's true Identity come to light.

  287. Andrew says:


  288. Suroguner says:

    I hope this story doesn't eventually qualify for the sad tag. I don't like reading stories with that tag as they make me break down. Last one i read i had to fight the break down until I was safely at home and wouldn't be a danger on the road.

  289. ToonNinja says:

    My response to Chapter 10:F*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck F****************CK.Need… more…

  290. Anonymous says:

    many will not sleep well tonight..:)We will wait for the next release .

  291. Anonymous says:

    Pen Stroke. You beautiful, mad genius.

  292. Popcorn says:

    I'm still hoping that Nightmare Moon will be defeated and Nyx will survive. Waiting anxiously for the next part of a great story…

  293. Killerowl says:

    @Bugsydor For the love of Nyx, draw this! And take all my money, ALL MY MONEY!

  294. Popcorn says:

    Oh, and Nyx in a sock broke my D'awwwwwwwwwww meter!

  295. Killerowl says:

    I think my heart broke.

  296. Batty Gloom says:

    @PopcornOh, zhat ez so adorable! I fhind it fhunny zhat you actually zhink zhat Nyx und Nightmare Moon are actually two separate ponies.Zhat ez right, Nyx really vaz Nightmare Moon ze untire time!

  297. Anonymous says:

    AND YOU, BATTY GLOOM, YOU ARE SO COOL. A better team of writers has never existed!And keep up the crazy accents!

  298. Rose says:

    OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG best fan fic i have read so far, i cant wait tell the next update. I knew twilight was gonna flip when her daughter was being taken away but i was hoping for her to stand up and fight Celestia not just cry.

  299. Thesyn says:

    I don't know how to put this other than I love this. Everything about this story is perfect! It's sad yet you keep a feeling of hope through it all even when it gets to its worst. This is better written than a lot of big series! You truly got a talent man, I look forward to the end of this and I truly hope you continue to write long after this is over! Also Nyx is now my favorite character ever.

  300. IkusaGT says:

    Now the question arises will Twilight be able to bring herself to fight Nyx/Nightmare Moon. And anybody else think that the fact Nyx has some of Twi's blood will play a role in the story?

  301. Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous…Because she was afraid of Nyx turinng into NM, like what happened.

  302. EonMaster says:

    *after reading chater 6*: "Dammit, it's all going to go to hell"*after reading chapter 10*: "Dammit, it all went to hell!"I was kinda hoping Nyx!NMM would attack Nexus and his followers just for the fun of it, but her pegging SP and DT was excellent.

  303. Star Shine says:

    AUGH!!!! such good writing! I can barely stand it!

  304. Suroguner says:

    I just hope you don't kill off Nyx as that would be horrible. Not even in the Sonic fandom have i become so attached to a fan character OC, and that fandom has a lot of fan characters.

  305. Ezhik says:

    This is amazing… Poor Nyx, though, I hope in the end she will be able to become a normal filly.

  306. Gabriel says:

    And then, Nyx was the best OC ponyNyx is just so… NNNNNNNGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!*ahem*, this story has been very entertaining and enjoyable and I need more of this, like, NAO!!!!!!!!!!!

  307. Swweet says:

    I'm sorry, but that last update broke my heart, can you send me a new one soon?…please?

  308. Sun Ray says:

    It's amazing how many comments this fic has gotten.

  309. Anonymous says:

    Celestia is now in need of a "Nice going breaking it Hero" speech. Out of fear of what MIGHT be, she took an innocent filly from its mother, and plotted to MURDER it. Now Nightmare Moon is back, complete with all her memories— including the memory of Celestia dragging her, screaming and crying, from her mother's arms… way to validate her hatred of you, yer majesty.

  310. Bugsydor says:

    @KillerowlI would, but sadly I have yet to learn to draw ponies (on my to-do list 😉 ), so I just wouldn't be able to do it justice.

  311. Killerowl says:

    @BugsydorI actually sent your comment to the artist behind some of the art seen here, I'm eagerly awaiting his response :3

  312. Bugsydor says:

    @AnonymousOooooooooooooooooooooooh! Looks like more skulls for the skull throne I mean more tropes for the trope page! Well, off to add "Nice job breaking it, hero!" To the Past Sins page.Anyhow, I think you were thinking of something more along the lines of a "the Reason You Suck" speach.Also, found a couple of entries for the tearjerker page. You all know which scenes I am talking about, right?

  313. Klee Baker says:

    This story now needs a "Sad" tag thanks to chapter 10. The poem was an awesome touch by the way.

  314. Anonymous says:

    AGHLBABBLEBABBLE!!That last chapter made me feel like there was a lead weight in my chest it was so heavy! I'm so scared to know where this is going to go, but I MUST!This is starting to feel like the One True "MLP:FiM Movie." Seriously…

  315. Ryan says:

    Well done, sir. A triumph from start to…well, middle, I suppose. I can't wait for more chapters. I still have hope for our favorite alicorn filly turned dark queen. She's her own pony now, not merely the manifestation of another's bitterness and anger. She probably can't ever go back to being just Nyx, and even if she could, the citizens of Ponyville would certainly treat her differently, but she's experienced true friendship and love now. She has a choice: cling to what she was, and in so doing, condemn all of her newly found friends and loved ones to certain death, or try to forge a new identity for herself. Based on the way she behaved in Chapter 10–when she avoided Scootaloo's eyes, and when she disavowed Twilight as her mother for her betrayal–I doubt either option will be easy for her. But that's what makes things interesting, right? Choices. As Steinbeck and Mumford & Sons pointed out, "Timshel." Thou mayest. In the end, she'll be whoever she wants to be.And kudos to Batty as well. He's earned "zat ach-zent," because together, he and Pen Stroke make "ze magics."

  316. DatGuyC says:

    Twilight is my favorite pony, but I just want to slap her for sitting there and not doing anything. She could have atleast explained what was happening or given Nyx some sort of assurance, but no she sit and looks at the damn floor. And Celestia not letting twilight come along, knowing their obvious relationship…. No words can describe my feelingsAnd then you end the update with that cliffhanger….Pen Stroke, you are amazing.

  317. Batty Gloom says:

    @RyanAh, vell done! You caught mien inspiration! Yes, Photo Finish ez ze best one-shot pony.Anyvay, zhank you for ze kind words. Et ez…actually scary zhat you vere able read so much ento ze fic…WAIT, WHO SAID YOU COULD READ FROM MIEN NOTES! I WILL BUCK YOU!(Seriously, though, just kidding. We're both thrilled to have entertained as many people as we can. We love this fandom!)

  318. Suroguner says:

    Nyx better not be gone for good, not if you excuse me, I have a possible emotional break down I need to sleep through.

  319. Anonymous says:

    Have these ponies never heard of self-fulfilling prophecies?While twilight was confronted by celestia, I wanted her desperately to bring up the fact that if they kept assuming the worst and treating Nyx like a monster, uprooting her suddenly and violently, they will make her hate them and thus become the monster nightmare moon.And that if they treated her with all the love and respect that she wanted in the first place, she would have no reason to be angry. If they built strong enough bonds, they could overcome it, especially since they'd been given a blank slate.No. Treat her like a monster. This is what you get.

  320. Nova25 says:

    CH.10 :>The purple unicorn didn’t know what hit her as Nyx tackled her unofficial mother-''unofficial'' ? Huh ? …remember 'blood', ''genetic', 'SCIENCE!' ? Twilight really need to open a book on biology or something.>What further evidence do you need that Nyx is Nightmare Moon?”-That's your first *Boot to the Head* ''Miss''. :(>If you form a statue from clay, it is made of clay. If Nyx was made from what remained of Nightmare Moon, then she is-”-made of Nightmare Moon… not ''IS Nightmare Moon''… Celestia kinda just shot her own logic there.>What if more of her memories return, and she remembers her hatred for Equestria-Well, Nyx kinda remembered that she wanted to kill Twilight at some point… didn't stop her from loving-Twilight-to-death, hmm ?>I cannot risk the safety and future of Equestria when you have offered no solid evidence that Nyx and Nightmare Moon are not the same.-Well sorry Miss ''Princess'', but your arguments aren't what I would call ''solid'' neither ? Rather based on suppositions and second-class proofs and ''I want her to be Nightmare Moon so hard''.>he will be dispelled and the lingering energy purified.”-*Boot to the Head* #2 ''Princess''… she's starting to collect them like stamps.>“But she doesn’t remember doing any of that! She’s just a filly. She deserves a chance to live, to be happy.”-Yeah. Also, chances are that if you *Hammer* in her mind that she's Evil and Nightmare Moon and that nopony like her, well, that she will become it… So stop repeating it, you 'silly' Princess.>How many ponies will she hurt trying to overthrow me and Luna?-Aren't you TWO! (2!) Alicorns now ?! Me think that 2 trained Alicorns VS 1 newly grown Alicorn would win, no ?And, it's not like ''agents'' would go blind, stop checking on her status from time to time, and forget that Nyx exist until it's too late, right ?… Feels like Celestia is SO convinced that Nyx IS 9000% Nightmare Moon, that she blocks or filters almost everything not going ''her way'' ? No wonder some ponies want to overthrown her ? …>“Take the filly into custody-And she doesn't even tell them to be gentle or anything ? Damn cold hearthed b… Celestia, yeah, that's what I meant, yes… And ponies wonder ''how/where'' the ''Trollestia'' comes from ?Here I will stop for 3sec. and look above this line…Yep… A revolution sounds good, who's with me ? I will provide the meteors and laser-guided weapons !…damn, this ONE part makes me think and wonder (at the screen ?) a LOT… and not like Celestia a lot, let's just say.—–>“If Nyx is truly not Nightmare Moon… then the harm I’ve done to her and Twilight… I doubt I will ever truly be able to make amends.”-HAH ! You got that right.>the little black filly was replaced with a pony far larger, clad in midnight blue armor and with a mane and tail of flowing magic.>“I am so sorry Twilight.”-For what ?? It's just an image ? It doesn't mean much nor show the deeds and actions she may or may not have done in the future ??>It was all too late that Celestia realized the treachery that thrived in her royal court.-At this precise moment, a pony somewhere in the world invented… a new word… in order to properly translate ''how MUCH she derped''.Derplestia, the word was.

  321. Anonymous says:

    To be fair this sequence of events was visible from miles away and was to be expected. Even without that mega-spoiler image with the super-WMD-spoiler: "What else can you be when the world only sees a monster"That does not stop this story from pulling it off well and managing to make an OC pony… not seem like an OC pony. All my stars. Take them

  322. Anonymous says:

    [Somewhat pointless spoiler warning]I have to admit, I wanted to see "The Miracle of Twilight" play out when Celestia took Nyx away.

  323. Anonymous says:


  324. Tast says:

    Curse you… PEN STROOOOOOOOOOOOOOKE!!!Are you serious!? I was begging, B-E-G-G-I-N-G, for Twilight to do something, anything. When Nyx shouted Mommy I damn near dropped my phone from which I was reading. As it is, this story made me cry again. Yes, cry, not shed tears, or manly tears, but actually cry. My favourite OC pony and my favourite canon pony being torn from each other laid the waterworks, and Nyx's cry let them loose. Twilight's shout just served to make me cry longer… I haven't cried from any story or movie since I was 6 years old. This story first left me with two tears of happiness, and now I honestly need to grab a different pillow because my current is too cold from my tears.My sad feelings aside, the lingering anger comes to the forefront. You bastard, how could you!?…However, instead of cursing you, I've turned that anger into energy to fuel my inner critic who so rarely comes to play. I noticed a few places where.words were mispelled/misplaced (a lot actually. I have a knack for slipping through errors such as those and reading the intended message. Normally I do it unconsciously, but I started to notice it I had to do it so much.) Also, I saw one or two tense disagreements. That said, I never critique without offering to show a full account of all I noticed. If you'd like, I'll go over the entire story and mark everything. Although, its just the last four chapters that got me. Has Batty been editing for you and was unavailable for these last four? I know it says "assisted by", but I don't know what it means. Don't want to step in Batty's way. I also never critique without listing the good parts. This story had my heart racing, my brain trying to convince itself the inevitable wasn't going to happen, and it had my whispering to my phone as I cried. Not to mention the fact that I dropped everything to read it. I had planned on reading one chapter a day, but… Dinner needs to be rehearse now ;)You're an amazing author, Pen Stroke, and I honestly like your story more than Harry Potter. Better watch out, Rowling.

  325. Alexstrazsa says:

    This just keeps getting better and better. This newest cliffhanger just left me begging for more. I don't know how you get better every chapter, but it just keeps happening. By the time this is over, I swear I'll have a new favorite fanfic. Just… please keep writing. I need more. Nyx is just… easily my favorite OC, and I really want to read more about her.

  326. Bugsydor says:

    I've posted a couple of times already since reading the update, but I realize that I have yet to post my reaction. Well, here goes!As I completed chapter 10, my eyes unfocused. My mind was empty except for a haze. It felt like a cross between having fallen and slammed the back of my head on the ground, and the pre-drome to a migraine. I sat in that dazed state, staring through my monitor, for a number of minutes.I wasn't crying; I was a bit beyond that. When I finally came to, I finished reading the poem and thought. I had been hoping for irrational stuff to happen like Nyx instantly rebelling against the cultists or just shrinking in fear at the shocked townsfolk, but I knew that such things would not work at all for the story. They would be too convenient, and you writers are too good to take the easy Deus Ex Machina way out of it. It wouldn't make for a good story anyhow.I read the poem, and a little spark of hope returned. I know that you meant it when you said that this story would never deserve the Grimdark or Sad tags. I can't see how Nyx will redeem herself or go back to a semi-normal life as Twilight's daughter (if that is even the plan), but that is why you two are the fanfic authors and not me. If you disappoint us, though, and those tags pop onto this story, you might want to be on the lookout for lynchmobs.You guys have a lot of power over the hearts of men. You shattered many today, mine included. Please have the decency to help us pick up the pieces.Sorry for being overly dramatic, but I had to get that out of my system. I have never read anything before, fanfic or "professional" writing, that has moved me this deeply. Keep up the excellent work. It's a shame that you don't own the license to this so that you cannot profit from this fine piece of work. If you did somehow manage to acquire a license to get this thing printed, I would buy a copy STAT.

  327. Charbronian says:

    I…I don't even no where to start. This story had me laughing to tears forming around my eyes. Twilight is my favorite pony and this just rips my heart apart. Few things in life make me cry and the very least a fanfic. When twilight cried screamed after Celestia took Nyx, I stopped reading and bawled on the spot along her. You sir have truly created a masterpiece here.

  328. *reads update posted today, reaches cliffhanger*…oh, alicorn-damnit

  329. Vlad says:

    ARGHLARBLRAGRARGH*twitch*That poem is probably the only reason I'm cogent right now. Need updates. Need cute Nyx. Need everything to be allright.

  330. i….freaking…love this story.. ❤

  331. Batty Gloom says:

    @VladAll I ken say about zhis update iz zhat ze anticipation will be excruciating.

  332. Anonymous says:

    There are legitimate tears in my eyes. The scene where they took her away and she screamed "mommy"…..and the ending. Oh god, you've broken my heart with this most recent chapter. I just want Nyx back, to be a little filly again and she and Twilight to live happily ever after as mother and daughter. ;_____;Nothing is beautiful and everything hurts.

  333. Anonymous says:

    This fic is awesome. Pure, unadulterated awesome.I can't wait for the second act. The poem at the end still gives me hope that things will end well…

  334. Shadow says:

    I was bored waiting for Fallout: Equestria to come out. Then I found this and now all I want is for this to come out with the next part 😀

  335. Anonymous says:

    Pen Stroke, you magnificent Bastard!How dare you leave me with a cliffhanger!I demand MORE!

  336. Bugsydor says:

    Ok, successfully created the tearjerker page for this story on TVTropes and added a couple of scenes from the most recent chapter. I hope you're happy, Pen Stroke.

  337. Craft says:

    I like that the story is moving on and has a dedicated plot…But I can't help but think we're missing out on a lot more potential stories for nyx.I really hope you find a way to work in more Nyx stories as side stories, or leave the ending open for a return to those or… or… Something.You've created one hell of an OC, and you basically just committed fanfanfiction murder here!I hope you know what you're doing…

  338. Anonymous says:

    I-… I broke down in tears Nyx cried "Mommy" in chapter ten. I LITERALLY started CRYING while reading some FAN story based on a little GIRLS show based on TOYS. The last time I cried like that was when I was a very little boy throwing an utterly pointless FIT. I have never actually cried at something sad before… I mean sure I have teared up a little… maybe even shed my second man tear two nights ago when I first read this fic… my first tear of sadness… but this… is a completely different experience. I have to say that this is the most sorrow I have ever felt in my life… usually I accept sorrowful things and let them go with the help of some meaningful words… but I don't want to accept this, even though this just seems all too much like a childish fit to me. What have ponies turned me into? Is it some horrible person on FOX? Am I some kind of mewling child in an adult body now? Why does my heart ache? What is love? (Baby don't hurt me) Why do I feel so much emotion for a work of FICTION?! Is it truly nothing more than just that? Huh?… Since when do I have a Man card? I could have sworn I've never had this before.

  339. Fire Flash says:

    All I can say is that this hurt me….PHYSICALLY, and this in itself is a feat. I most times only ''feel'' when a relative dies. I was both enraged and heart broken by this and can only hope this will end in a good place so my heart will stop this aching.

  340. WTBrony says:

    As much as I wanted to be mad at Celestia, I understand her actions, and probably would have acted similarly were I in her place. The only thing I would have done differently was let Twilight talk to Nyx and comfort her before taking her away. Seriously though, this is some really good stuff. Can't wait to see where it goes from here. Also, the Zecoraism at the end was a nice touch, if only because it reassured me that everything could still workout.

  341. Ditzy Derp says:

    My heart, she has stopped beating. This story is too amazing and actually succeeded in making me cry. I only hope the next updates are swift for after I finished ch.10 I'm just sitting here dumbfounded and clicking ch.11 repeatedly.

  342. KinkyOats says:

    Now I'm just depressedPlease hurry and fix that

  343. Why does Celestia and the others that know to truth behind Nyx never think about nature vs. nurture? If Nyx can be raised in a loving home, surrounded by friends and taught to embrace her powers for the better then Nyx could fight off Night Mare Moon should she ever rise in Nyx’s mind. If Nyx has the will and the strength she could very well keep Night Mare at bay.

  344. Batty Gloom says:

    @Hope LoneheartVell…I ken't say much about ze whole nature vs. nurture side, vhich is a gud point.Haowevah…zhere ez no Nightmare Moon to face at zhis point…Nyx und Nightmare Moon are one und ze same.Naow haow zhat affects ze rest of ze story…I'm afraid I ken not tell. Ze next update, we will send et to Seth az soon az et ez done.

  345. Bugsydor says:

    Ok, finished updating the trope page with Mood Whiplash and Heroic BSOD. I feel that there are plenty of other tropes to fill that page with, so to whoever here is a troper: Show this story's page some love!People here don't mind me posting whenever I update the tropes page, do they? If it is too annoying I will stop and just update it quietly…

  346. Ye know…In moments like these i'm thankful i don't imagine too much when readingThis Asshole of a Writer just had to put in chapter 10(grimdark & sad) with all the characters going out of char…Without even a WARNINGI must say if i ever find out where he and his TF2 addicted medic live then i'm gonna hire a bunch of thugs to kidnap them and torture the crap out of them cupcakes styleYou DO NOT…mess with A MAN that way when it comes to stories, You Do not, give them a bunch of cute Daaww inducing scenes and then BAM GrimDark and Sad Tags out of a sudden, and just to top it off they screw up Twilight and Celestia's personalities, yeh we don't care just take her away like that, Not like that character made 2000+ people care for her or anything, who cares about Nyx…surely not us…Wait till i find you, you sadistic son of a fucksBatty Gloom, Pen Stroke……I'm Coming To Get You…''hangs off''

  347. Anonymous says:

    @Hope Loneheart I'd love to believe that, but there is nothing I, myself, can do now to fix my broken heart. At least he let us know that Celestia didn't take away Nyx heartlessly.

  348. Suroguner says:

    I can't sleep. I don't know if it's the heat, the caffeine, the Powerade, or the fact that I may have come to love Nyx as a child rather than a fictional any case, I think you may have written the story TOOO well.

  349. Bugsydor says:

    @Hope LoneheartAs to why Celestia doesn't think about that, let me introduce you to my good friend the idiot ball. Sometimes, a character has to be uncharacteristically stupid for a part of a story to work. This could not have worked out as good fiction any other way that I can see. See also: rule of drama.

  350. Heartmend says:

    @AnonymousI think everyone is still in shock. I know I am…*manly tears*Keep up the great work! I can't wait to see what happens next. (And thank you for being one of many to warm my heart to well-written fan fiction. It's fics like this that have changed my opinion of fan fics for the best!)

  351. Anonymous says:

    I can't say that I won't want to read this until the very end, but I am never… Ever… EVER! going to read a story like this again if all it does is break my heart… not even a relationship with a woman has broken my heart this badly.The combination of the stars aligning for the bad guy, Twilight's emotions, and Nyx's emotions was too much for my not-gonna-cry-face to handle.

  352. Heartmend says:

    @Batty GloomYou are very silly, and I like you. 😀

  353. Anonymous says:

    Can't wait to read more of this great fic. Keep up the good work.

  354. Bugsydor says:

    @Rambo The CriticI don't think that anypony broke character in this chapter, except maybe for Celestia's "take her into custody without bothering to have Twilight reassure Nyx or explain what is going on." Twilight was in the middle of a Heroic BSOD and therefore couldn't do squat about it, and she knows that it is the logical choice. What would you do if the God-Empress that you have known personally and loved for a good deal of your life came and took your baby away on the grounds that said child could destroy the world? I am pretty sure that I would be just sitting in the corner with my brain broken as well.Although this chapter has huge tearjerkers in it, this isn't truly Grimdark. Try thinking of this as more of a wham episode. Oooh! Another trope to add to the trope page!

  355. Wanderer D says:

    "Mommy!" got me teary eyed. If there's ever a FiM movie this should be it.

  356. Killerowl says:

    @Wanderer D Teary eyed? I need a boat…

  357. KinkyOats says:

    @Wanderer DI've been thinking that EXACTLY since I first started reading the story, actually…

  358. Anonymous says:

    Nyx… Nooooooooo!

  359. Oh, a small nitpick…the past tense of "casting" is "cast". Just FYI. ^_^

  360. Unknown says:

    This should be the pilot episode(s) for next season. Obviously would have to be changed around a bit or whatnot but the moral (or what I think the moral) could be is that one defines their own destiny and can decide their own life, regardless of the past.

  361. J0J0 says:

    @Batty GloomI must say, you two have made one of the best stories i have read in a long time. At the mercy of sounding like a tool, the story made me laugh and put me in the verge of tears. 6/5 stars. Also, is there an specific update schedule?

  362. Bugsydor says:

    @UnknownI don't think that this story could be done justice with just 44 minutes of airtime.Anyhow, just updated the trope page again. I am on a roll with this tonight thanks to all of the scrutiny that chapter 10 is getting (and because it is currently lodged immovably in my brain…confound this chapter, it drives me to trope).For those of you who haven't made your way over there yet, you can find the link to the trope page here. Be sure to tell me if I screwed anything up like misusing a trope or applying spoiler tags inappropriately, or better yet edit it yourself!By the way, Killerowl, sweet avatar.

  363. Satanfingers says:

    I cannot express my love for this story enough. This story, which I have read 10 chapters in one sitting and could not pull myself away from has made me, gasp in fear, laugh in excitement, filled me with giddiness, and at last made me cry. I don't know why this story affect e so much but i am having a difficult time believing that I can put my feelings into words. I FELT THE PAIN as Nyx was taken from Twilight and as I write this my throat swells and tears fill my eyes. I feel physically ill. I don't even know what I am trying to say…i have been going through some hard times recently and have been in kind of a emotional depression lately; As a result I had shut down somewhat and I had been trying to avoid have any emotion at all. I believe that this story has helped me a lot and potentially pulled me out of this downward spiral. So from the bottom of my heart I just wanted to personally thank you. I look forward to the next installment with bated breath and an open mind.

  364. Lindil says:

    “Remember this night well!” She called out. "And no, not like that other night you had to remember. In fact you are free to forget about that one. Seriously, I won't be mad. Remember this one. this time I really mean it, no foaling around. Yeah, it's the real deal now. This time, the night shall last AT LEAST 20% longer! So, erm, better switch your clocks to DST"Uff, I needed a bit of a comical relief after that last chapter.

  365. Emerald Page says:

    Eh, who cares about sleepin any way? Sleep is optional. Nyx isn't

  366. Killerowl says:

    @BugsydorThank you!Nyx is the best pony. ^^By the way, love your tropes page. I've always been a sucker for those.

  367. Anonymous says:


  368. Corwyn says:

    Nyx was forced to become Nightmare Moon.I knew this was going to happen from chapter one.I knew it when I saw the custom image.I'm still sad and angry at the same time because it still happened despite reading on, hoping it wouldn't, and I'll not be able to sleep tonight.Waiting for 11.

  369. Oh man…Here's hoping Twilight gets a chance to give Celestia a ROYAL chewing out for the screw up combo platter she just served up… And maybe with Luna helping her do it too.

  370. Nappa says:

    There's gonna be sooooooooooooooo maaany Hate comments on Chapter 10…just you wait

  371. Anonymous says:

    Hiya! Just a quick note: a tomb is a place for dead people to sit, while a tome is a kind of book. 🙂

  372. Tast says:

    @TastImagine, if you will, reading up to chapter 10, and not realizing the poem was at the bottom of the page. That is how I read chapter 10. My phone had not loaded the poem, so I read that heart wrenching climax of the horror without the promise of dawn… Luckily, I read the comments and got to wondering (between sniffles and sobs) "what poem?" So I summoned my reslove (what's left of it at least. I'll never be able to read a [Normal] story the same way again.) and reopened chapter 10 and scrolled to the bottom. It was like I had a terminal case of heartache, courtesy of Pen Stroke and Batty, but they handed me the medicine to start the, supposedly impossible, healing process. I love you guys so much, but that doesn't invalidate my first comment. You're still bastards, but you're magnificent bastards. Amazing story, and I'm begging you (I'll pay) for the next chapters.And no damn cliffhangers…

  373. Bugsydor says:

    @Rambo The CriticGood point. However, I stand by my earlier statement that I wouldn't be able to do squat. Then again, my typical reaction to something shocking or traumatic is to BSOD. Not the best reaction, but that's what I tend to do, particularly when a deep betrayal is involved. We already have canon examples of Twilight cracking under pressure in the form of heroic BSOD, so I don't see how this is particularly out of character for her.As I don't have a wife and kids yet, I cannot tell for sure what exactly I would do. I think Twilight's reaction is within the normal range, though.

  374. Anonymous says:

    Hmm, so Celestia has to play the part of the bad guy in the story? I know she has the best intentions and for the plot to work things needed to go down like they went down, but I just don't think Celestia would drag a filly screaming for her mommy away to be possibly executed. She would have at least had Twilight come along, and if Nyx was definitely shown to be Nightmare Moon reborn she could have been placed in Canterlot to be monitered, with Twilight brought to live with her. Heck, even explaining to Nyx what was going on would have made things less gut wrenching. "Hey Nyx, you could possibly turn into Nightmare Moon and hurt your friends and your mom. Want to come with us to check that out?" "Holy crap I don't want to hurt anyone. Guess I'll come along." bam, easy.I love the story, but in order for Celestia's characterization to be part of that love she needs to have some darn good reasons for her actions other then, "We needed a way for Nightmare Moon to be reborn and have reason not to immediately side with her mother". I'm hoping Celestia has some kind of secret plan.Celestia 4 life.

  375. Anonymous says:

    I hope Nyx goes back to being a filly again in the end.She was cute like that.

  376. Anonymous says:

    You should have a reason as to why Nexus prefers Nightmare over Celestia.There's no point doing something without a reason.

  377. Killerowl says:

    @Anonymous The thought about Nyx losing her childhood and possibly never getting to experience it all the way through really breaks my heart. And it also makes me cry uncontrollably!I just want to hug Nyx and make everything all right!

  378. Lindil says:

    Also, I foresee the picture of Twilight standing at the gallows coming into pass quite soon. I can imagine that – to add a bit of hilarity to the tragedy – both Celestia and Nightmare Moon could come to save her at roughly the same time.

  379. Anonymous says:

    Can I be honest and not get lynched, bronies? This piece is boring and I don't understand how it can get 6 stars like Progress and Fallout and I don't think it deserves it. I thought it was some ironic hipster thing at first.I stopped reading after the 4th chapter. Yeah, I know the old "it gets better after a while" but frankly if a story can't even interest the read after almost 5 chapters, it's entirely acceptable to assume it won't get any better and move on and never look back. My biggest gripe is probably the characters, both official and Nyx. Rarity and Applejack are alright, but Pinkie is somehow not funny and Twilight, my favorite, seems OOC. Actually taking in a filly she doesn't even know, with barely any hesitation, whom she pretty much knows is Nightmare Moon, a being who's pretty much Satan in the actual show and tried to kill all her friends? Not bloody likely. And then there's Nyx. Honestly? She's bland and uninteresting as a character, even for an amnesiac. Frankly I couldn't bring myself to care when got bullied and tricked by DT and SS. Dare I say that she has Mary Sue traits, seeing as how everyone immediately likes her? Hell if she wasn't Nightmare Moon she'd just be a another generic Sue. I don't even think being a child really excuses;dr: Anon nobody cares about dislikes this, suffers Hype Backlash.

  380. Priide says:

    I want Nyx back! QQ

  381. Anonymous says:

    Chapter 10 made me a sad brony. Here's hoping for a happy ending (and another update soon!)

  382. Bugsydor says:

    It's almost 5 in the morning and I still can't sleep. The events of Chapter 10 just keep resurfacing. How did you make me care so much about an OC and about Twilight Sparkle that I lose sleep over it? What is this witchcraft?

  383. Anonymous says:

    ^negative anon hereNot sure why you're sad someone doesn't like it but okay.

  384. Anonymous says:

    I love this but you need to go over chapter 9 again. The past tense of cast is … cast. Not casted. There are a few instances of mistakes when Celestia and Nexus are talking, actually. I didn't notice anything previous to that though.Noticed nothing with chapter 10 either.

  385. Var says:

    @ Negative anonDon't worry about it, everyone has different tastes. For example, I love this story to bits and was awed by FO:E, but I actually wasn't that entertained by Progress. It's got funny moments, like Abacus, and the idea is clever, but I feel it's delivery needs a lot of work.

  386. ray10k says:

    nice story and all, but I have been thinking and have come to the conclusion that the plan of the cultists was doomed to fail from the beginning.1: last time, nightmare moon was basically holding Luna hostage. this time, Celestia has no such reason to hold back.2: Celestia has every reason to hold a grudge against nightmare, given the thousand years of grief she brought last time.3: nightmare is up against two alicorns this time, rather than just one4: they will soon have to deal with an angry mother!;dr: their plan is doomed to fail.

  387. Anonymous says:

    I stopped reading Fallout Equestria pretty early on, only kinda liked Progress and thought it was a bit gimmicky and loved this story. Everyone has different opinions, huh?

  388. Anonymous says:

    Why cant i read part 11?

  389. Anonymous says:

    I hope from the bottom of my heart that Twilight has a Mrs. Weasley "NOT MY DAUGHTER, YOU BITCH!" moment.

  390. AlCapony says:

    I am somebody who really likes Celestia, because I do see her as the gentle, benevolent ruler trying to do everything for her subjects.So reading chapter 10 was really grating on me.The problem I have is not that she took Nyx. As much as it was a terrible tragedy on a personal level, I can see that it was what she had to do, as someone who's responsible for the well-being of everyone. The way in which she did it is another matter, as others have already mentioned.But that's still not the problem I had with her. No, the problem I had is that she basically did nothing against the cult. For someone who's lived to see countless generations, she seems remarkably oblivious to the things going on around her. Alright, I realise that of course this impression stems somewhat from the fact that we, the readers, know what the cult is actually doing, unlike her limited perspective.But still, she knows there's a dangerous cult around that tried to resurrect Nightmare Moon, and almost succeded. So they are obviously powerful and dangerous. Yet she doesn't take any sort of precaution. I would have at least expected her to rotate the guards for the research team as a precaution against infiltration of the guard. But no, the cultist guard was there all the time.Or that she would have Nexus' spell explained to her, or verified by someone else instead of just letting him do whatever he wants. Anything, really. But apart from Nyx, she apparently just ignores the existence and possible threat from the cult. Even if they arrested a lot of them, ignoring them like she did is just foolish.Something that's hard to stomach when we're talking about an immortal goddess…In the end, I really disliked her because of that. I'm still debating with myself whether it broke my suspension of disbelief though by being too out of character for Celestia (in my own view of her character, of course)…—————–tl;dr:Celestia deals with the cult like a fool, seems hard to believe.

  391. Anonymous says:

    ^^^N Anon here, yeah I'm aware of that. Opinions are like butts, everyone has them, each is different, etc. I still heavily disagree with, in my view, a mediocre Sue story gaining 6 star status, a plotload of fanart of said Sue, and an inexplicably passionate fanbase. Then again, I don't understand why anyone likes reality shows or Justin Bieber, so whatever.Also to be honest I haven't read Fallout in a while but it has nothing to do with the story getting worse or whatever.

  392. Anonymous says:

    this story is waaay too overrated.

  393. Anonymous says:

    This is the first fan fiction of anything I've ever read (Cupcakes doesn't count) – It's absolutely brilliant, eagerly awaiting updates!

  394. Polecat says:

    End of chapter 10… son-of-a… Okay, dammit, I'm hooked. I wanna know what happens next, and I hope (really truly hope) that things turn around because dammit…Okay, you're doing fantastic with this story when I'm sitting there at the end of the chapter going "Nooo!! Don't leave me hanging!!" Looking forward to the next chapter (And hoping beyond hope that Nyx comes back out of the darkness she just got into).

  395. Anonymous says:

    I just wish the damn editor/pre-reader/whatever for this was better, and actually knew what they were doing. Errors all over the place that detract from what is a perfectly good 4 or 5 star story, even with the issues Al Capony and 5:02 Anon raised.

  396. Anonymous says:

    Can we all agree certain cultist ponies, and a certain member of royalty should be nova-6 gased? Not Nightmare though, I still have hope for her.

  397. Perfect.I daren't add any more to my analogy lest I fail to do the story justice.

  398. Anonymous says:

    I lost it when she became nightmare moon but if anyone can get her back Twilight can

  399. Anonymous says:

    The characterisation of everypony is so strong in this, and this became clear with Pinkie Pie and her 'Pinkie Sense'. However, my main gripe is that in most fics, Celestia is a terrible judge of character. 😐 That's not limited to this fic, but it does crop up.I cannot wait for more, and congrats on 6 stars!

  400. OK 3 things:1. This is possibly the best Fanfic I have ever read, and certainly the best MLP one (considering tho only MLP one i've read is Cupcakes)2. That image is becoming my wallpaper!3. You need to send this to the Hub. I can totally see this as the script for an MLP movie!

  401. Batty Gloom says:

    @AnonymousZhat ez explained en chaptah 16. But I will not tell you et to you. Zhat ez your punishment for being empatient with un enncomplete story.

  402. Anonymous says:

    Twilight should of told Nyx her fears about Celestia, as well as insisted on going with Nyx while Celestia checks her out.

  403. I got to ask, Pen stroke, which voice actor would you use for Nyx? Personally I'd use Rarity's on helium.Also, Trixie is Nyx' will-be-dad?

  404. Anonymous says:

    So Celestia, anything else you'd like to screw up tonight?

  405. starcat5 says:

    Here is a two-fer for the Tropes page:High Octane Nightmare Fuel/Adult Fear: Twilight was afraid that Celestia would take her daughter away. Celestia was afraid that an Eldretch Abomination was loose in her kingdom, plotting to overthrow her and her sister, and bring about nighttime eternal. Celestia's kneejerk reaction to HER fear resulted in BOTH their fears coming true.

  406. Anonymous says:

    ……………. after chapter 10 my heart is broken and manly tears can't stop dropping :O moment when Twi and Nyx both yellied their names when Tia take away our little filly away was so so so so painful T_T I beg you for sake of GOD make Nyx come back in the end so she can happy live with Twi… even without powers of Alicorn.. just normal cute little unicorn filly. Nyx was also summed by using Twi blood so somehow if Nightmare Moon will be defeated, Nyx should still be alive by power of Twi connections and then it will be like mother and daughter…CAN'T STOP FEELING THIS SAD EMOTIONS INSIDE MY HEART :< I WANT TO CRY SO BADLY EVEN IF I'M GUY Q.Q

  407. @AnonymousI AM an actual german and I was not trolling.If you really didn't mean to be offensive, then I forgive you. Whether you want me to or not. ;3I was just offended because I REALLY hate nazis and don't want to be seen as one, ever.But I don't like beer. Any beer. Ever. And I am not involved, in any way, in making it. So, just for the record, that compliment was not for me.

  408. Ike Jager says:

    It's all over for Nyx now, now it is Nightmare Moon with a guilty conscience. And with the narration continue to call her Nyx just made my moist eyes leak.Game OverNow… with that I don't know if EoH have what it takes to banish who they once loved dearly…Hmm sounds familiar.Ugh… What a cruel cruel twist of fate, I don't think I can fathom what pain Twilight could be suffering.

  409. Sunset Rose says:

    >Part 10Okay…you got me.I cried.I'm so sorry Twilight…

  410. Lindil says:

    Have faith in tags. It's [normal] not [sad]. It may be hard to see Nyx coming back now, but I have a reasonable amount of hope that everything will be well in the end.

  411. @AnonymousI can really picture Celestia headdesking so hard she gets a concussion at her own stupidity, once she has time to think about it.

  412. AlCapony says:

    Oh god, I'm starting to fear that everything in the right side of the cover picture will actually happen… especially the elements of harmony being defeated. The original purpose of Twi's blood in the spell was to try and make NMM imune to the elements, so that could very well happen. :O*thinks of bottom right part of the picture*Twilight! NOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooo…… :'(I can only cling to the hope provided by the comment at the end of chapter 10 and the [Normal] tag of the story… >_>

  413. banjo2E says:


  414. @banjo2E Uhhhh… *is reminded of Misery*…Pen, you're up-to-date on your medical insurance, right? …maybe you should lay low for a bit, and not do anything that could jeopardize your health…

  415. Suroguner says:

    Sleep didn't help. I miss Nyx.

  416. @BugsydorHey, since you're a proof-positive troper, can you tell me what defines a troper? Because I READ a lot of TvTropes, but I have this feeling that I don't technically count as a troper because I never actually write anything there.

  417. Var says:

    @ theuncalledforLurkers count as tropers too! It's basically anyone who reads TVTropes and has an understanding of the storytelling devices used in different media as a result. At least, that's how I see it. I don't really communicate on the forums there, I just lurk and add examples here and there, maybe add a fic onto the fanfic rec page now and then.

  418. Anonymous says:

    Slightly OOC for Celestia. don't you think?First off, she puts immense trust into her student's judgement. She wouldn't have sent her after a dragon if she didn't.Secondly, she was ready to forgive Luna for her Nightmare Moon trip before the latter showed even a hint of remorse. But the filly that has yet to do anything, that one is treated like a criminal? I do hope Celestia has a good reason for her behaviour, and isn't just the one who has to hold the idiot ball so that Nyx is properly mistreated.

  419. Onej6 says:

    if i was those duddetes from mlp i would make this into a movie.and if i could draw i would make this a comic the whole thing.i fell in love with a story XD

  420. Batty Gloom says:

    @AnonymousZhere ez a reazon und et ez actually en ze next chaptah. Haowevah, becauze of everyvun's concerns, we have also given et ze facelift to make et bettah…so en a vay, everyvun's concerns ez actually making ze next several chaptahs bettah.

  421. Killerowl says:

    @Batty GloomThat's some good news! 😀

  422. Nova25 says:

    @Anonymous>some FAN story based on a little GIRLS show based on TOYSQuite sure that you just confused G4 with G1 to G3.5, or something.

  423. Nova25 says:

    @Batty GloomPlease… no more faked accents… it doesn't help with anything.Really, please ?

  424. Sparkler says:

    >starts working on another comic for this.

  425. Nyx in socks! I demand more!

  426. Baree says:

    SpoilersHmm. Well, I'm sad, but not for the same reasons most bronies are I reckon. This was very obviously where the story was going to go. So emotionally, chapter 10 didn't really leave much of an impact. It was way to predictable for that.What I expect to happen know is that we get the confrontation spread out over an unknown amount of chapters, but in the end most if not all ponies will probably survive and live to be happy. I'm sure there will be hardship in between, but in the end I reckon Nyx will go back to being a little filly. She may or may not remember her time as adult Nightmare Moon, but she will probably remain in Twilights care.I may be wrong. But that still doesn't change the real reason I'm sad. Whatever happens, Nyx is gone for now and probably for most of the story. We might get a little bit of her at the end once more, but I reckon it won't be much. And that kind of stings. While I suppose I can see why some bronies consider her a Mary Sue, I strongly disagree. Even is she is, I don't care. I like her. A lot. And it would be such a shame if we will see very little to nothing of her for the remainder of the story. Yet I fear that is the case.

  427. Anonymous says:

    Chapter 10:nice,nice… ok…. Twilight?! what are you doing!!NO!NONONONONO!NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!D= D= D= D= D=

  428. PonyBroHoof says:"Thanks for all you've doneI've missed you for so longI can't believe you're goneYou still live in meI feel you in the windYou guide me constantlyI've never knew what it was to be alone, noCause you were always there for meYou were always there waitingAnd ill come home and I miss your face soSmiling down on meI close my eyes to see"I finished reading 10 chapter like 6hours ago but I still see in my mind Nyx that cry and yell "MOMMY!!!" and Twilight when she tries to rescue her T_T Can't stop being so sad whole day and I want to cry so bad even if I'm 20 years old guy 😦 + listening to Alter Bridge song makes me more more more

  429. This is beautiful… This piece shows the capabilities of the written word. I have never felt such a different range of emotions from a written work. In chapter 10 alone I felt happiness, anger, betrayal, determination, sadness, betrayal again, satisfaction, then ends with sympathy. Kudos to the authors…. This is absolutely amazing. If you two have not written a novel before you might want to get into it. I know I would pay to read more pieces written like this.

  430. WeirdPonyGuy says:

    And now the best part of the story is just begining. I think that the tag will posibly change in the following chapters.This was an expected turn of events but I like where this is headed.I'll give you 1 tip: don't be afraid of killing, hurting or making dissappear characters and don't be afraid of making a sad ending if you think that is nessesary. Tragedy is as good as drama or comedy.Do whatever you think is better it's YOUR story.With nothing more to say I thank you for making such a wonderful fic.

  431. Anonymous says:

    @Batty Gloom Dude watAnd drop the accent.

  432. Batty Gloom says:


  433. Nikita says:

    There are no words ;_;

  434. Killerowl says:

    @BareeSpoilers I agree with you, but still Nyx crying out for mommy really made me sad.That's also something I like about this story, even when I know what is about to happen, this story still makes me sad.But what really broke my heart was when I realised, a while after I finished reading, that Nyx just lost her childhood (If she's not turned back that is). When I that thought crossed my mind I started sobbing uncontrollably. It made me so sad…Please bring her back!

  435. Anonymous says:

    Chapter ten just blew me away… :O

  436. Anonymous says:

    @Killerowl"But what really broke my heart was when I realised, a while after I finished reading, that Nyx just lost her childhood (If she's not turned back that is). When I that thought crossed my mind I started sobbing uncontrollably. It made me so sad…"Yeah. Poor Nyx 😦

  437. Anonymous says:

    Looks like Celestia was mistaken.Nix really gone or just been wasted? Doom so close she can almost tate it.

  438. Nyx says:

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  439. Anonymous says:

    If you carve a statue from stone, then it is made of stone. If you form a statue from clay, it is made of clay.Has it ever ouccured to her that you can shape clay and model stone?

  440. Nyx says:

    Why, Twilight?

  441. Anonymous says:

    Celestia better be carefull that she dosen't wake up with a human's head in her bed.On another note: Love the fic. I felt sadness welling up in my chest at chap 10. I hope Twilight gets Nix back. Aufwiedersehn

  442. James says:

    I kinda thought it would happen this way… *sigh*

  443. Killerowl says:

    Why do so many bronies keep misspelling Nyx! It's an "Y" not an "I". It's a three letter word, it can't be that hard! 😦

  444. Bugsydor says:

    @theuncalledforWell, you are almost a troper. I lurked for a couple of years before I actually did anything. My first time actually troping was fixing some errors on a Doctor Whoof fanfic's page (Mines of Dragon Mountain, to be precise).In my view, as soon as you edit a page you become a troper. Before that you are a lurker. This fanfic's trope page is my first real project as a troper, as it was the first fanfic that I really felt passionate about.If you feel like you can contribute at all, then click on the "get known" link on TVTropes so that they have something to call you. Once that is done, edit away!

  445. Bugsydor says:

    @Batty GloomYay! Maybe that means that I can avoid putting idiot ball/idiot ball magnet onto the tropes page. Glad to see that it is finally attracting some of the Wiki Magic, by the way.

  446. Anonymous says:

    This just in. Nyx broke the record for shotest time to faveorite, taking the title away from Derpy Hooves, long-time cross-eyed champion.

  447. If you're really reading page 4 of the comments before reading the story, then you should just stop and read it now. That said, spoilers ahoy….I hope you're happy, Pen and Batty. First you killed me with d'awwwwww and cute lil Nyx, and now you pull my heart out and blow it up with a prototype medigun at Nyx being taken away by Celestia and turned into Nightmare Moon because my heart wasn't strong enough for it. No wonder you're going to lose your medical licenses. I'll admit, at first I didn't know what to think of this story. The opening image is the largest spoiler I've seen since the preview for the Dragon Ball Z episode "His Name is Cell". It sucked me in, but I feared it gave too much away. Instead, it compliments it completely, and gives me some things to look forward to if I weren't so dead right now. The writing itself, to be blunt, is absolutely amazing, but could use some work still. There are some grammatical mistakes I've picked out, a instance or two of a word misspelled, but it doesn't really detract from the story. I glance over those mistakes though, and focus on the story.And what can be said that others haven't already said? I love it. If there were any one story I could think of that could pull a reader into fanfiction and be a real FiM movie or entire season or even just a few episodes, it would be this (Better Living, what I thought was your penultimate story before I found this, being second for the pull reader into fanfiction and few episodes, but not a movie or season). The OC characters feel genuine. Nyx is the biggest amount of d'awww this side of Luna (in or without socks), and I love her. The evil cult guys, while I can't understand them for jack, are well written and still believable. Proper Etiquette is the bestest name for a butler ever. The mane cast is very well done as well. Mother Twilight is twenty six(!) types of awesome. Pinkie is the MOST like Pinkie I have ever read. Rarity hasn't felt out of character, being Generosity and showing that. The others haven't gotten much time, but they still are themselves. And the Crusaders are still as annoying and crazy and cute as ever. You sure you two aren't actually writers for the show?The bullies… I want them dead or turned into cactus. After the latest chapter, I want Celestia dead or turned into a cactus. I want the evil cult to be turned into cactus. EVERY VILLAIN IS NOW CACTUS!I hope the next chapters arrive soon. I… I don't think I can live on in my death, even with the teaser of hope at the end of the last chapter. I fear each of the scenes left unseen in the preview image. Especially the bottom right. Twilight hanging… I think we're close to it, and I don't want to cry, but I already did during the last chapter, and I probably will again then.If this story ends happily, I will send you letters begging for a sequel. If it ends sadly, I will send you angry letters demanding an alternative ending. If this story ends period I will blow up in tears and send you some type of letter. You can count on this at my word. -S.Aura

  448. Anonymous says:


  449. Bugsydor says:

    @KillerowlEyup! This fic is incomprehensibly moving. The only time that I have ever been sadder was when I realized that my mother, whom I had blindly loved my entire life, had betrayed me deeply. (Sorry to bring up personal baggage.) Epiphanies can really suck, by the way. That was how I realized that I break down more into a BSOD than into an unstoppable rage or anything like that, by the way.Grats on making me care so much about Nyx and Twilight that I actually shed tears at Nyx's ponynapping (can I call it that?) and then BSOD'd at the end of the chapter. Keep the gold flowin'.

  450. zSONICoz says:

    Three words:LOVE THE STORYLINE!!!

  451. Mr.Brony says:

    @Batty GloomType normally, i can't understand shit

  452. Killerowl says:

    @Bugsydor I can relate to that, I had a similar relationship with my grandmother. :(With that said. I almost can't wait for the next update. Keep up the good work guys!It feels good to be able enjoy such a truling moving story!

  453. Nova25 says:

    @Mr.BronyI second this. (while I replace 'shit' with 'nothing')Also… it's starting to get some people angry… this isn't what I would call ''good publicity'', let's just say.

  454. Bugsydor says:

    Testing out new avatar…does it work well, or should I find a new image?

  455. Anonymous says:

    FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUU-Ok, any sympathy or pity I had for Princess Celestia is now gone.

  456. Congratulations. You broke my freaking heart. How can I go on? Twilight accidentally betrayed her DAUGHTER and is suffering pain beyond comprehension. Nyx called out for her and was not saved… that call, MOMMY!… it's haunting me even now. And Celestia has been misled and manipulated so that she is now just as much enemy as ally. I hope you've got a good twist coming, Pen, because I will NOT tolerate something awful happening to Nyx, Twilight, or any of the others. If you kill off the Best Pony, as the image hints at, I will be depressed in real life. That's not good writing; it's torture. BUT… if you do your thing, taking a hopeless situation and turning it epic; if you pull us readers to the bottom of the pit of despair only to get maximum distance for the exhilarating ride out the top into the sunny clear air of joy… then I will fight manly tears of happiness as I note that you are still the best brony writer I have ever known. Keep up the amazing work. We're counting on you.

  457. Anonymous says:

    i was really hoping that twilight would have done something, like smack celestia straight in the face run to nyx and teleport themselves far away but…..oh well i already disliked celestia anyway

  458. As I said in the gdocs chat:"Eyes dampenwater wellssadness fills mespirit quellsSpeak softly, say I.Speak softly I mayAnd one dayAgain I shall cry"Stay the path, dear author!This cliffhanger is delicious.

  459. Killerowl says:

    @BugsydorIt's awesome! :DSock Nyx is awesome Nyx

  460. Dawn says:


  461. Anonymous says:

    HOW DO YOU UPDATE THIS SO FAST AND SO MUCH.also lovin the story so far.

  462. Bugsydor says:

    @KillerowlThanks! socks!Nyx is best socks pony, in my opinion.Anyhow, something I felt like posting for TheUncalledfor's benefit:Troperism is something that has to incubate for a while before it can properly manifest. You have to spend days on TVTropes absorbing data. This part isn't so hard to do, seeing as TVTropes Will Ruin Your Life is itself an established trope in which we see that TVTropes is akin to an inescapable magical time vortex. The hard step to take is making your first edit to a page. You may see that a page has some grammar issues that urgently need correction. You may see that a page is glaringly obviously missing a trope that you know well. Whatever drives you to edit, that first edit will kinda break you out of your shell/chrysalis/cocoon and you will emerge a troper. The edits that you make after the first one are loads easier once you see that nobody minded you making your first one. Don't worry too much about whether you are using a trope right when you post one. If you get it wrong, somebody will just come along and remove or change it.Sorry if I am being a bit too silly, just trying to help (and maybe temporarily escape from chapter 10). Chapter 10 was a lot easier to find tropes for, by the way.

  463. Var says:

    @Pen Stroke, Batty GloomWhen is the next update planned? Sometime next week? I ask because you've implied you're working with a buffer.

  464. Venlin says:

    This saga should be official to mlp fim.It's so good.

  465. Anonymous says:

    I just finished Chapter 10… a single manly tear was shed.

  466. Killerowl says:

    @BugsydorNyx #1 Socks Pony!Oh my gosh! Seth has to do a Sock pony poll!I know who I would vote for!

  467. Bugsydor says:

    @Pen Stroke:On a lighter note: Since Batty Gloom is Medic Finish, does that make you Heavy Weapons Shy? That Ph.D. would surely come in handy in your line of work…

  468. Anonymous says:

    You know what I find interesting? Once again Nightmare Moon, rather then be a legitimate entity in herself, is pretty much just the mask of a filly consumed by her own negative emotions. First Luna, now Nyx.

  469. @BugsydorThank you for clearing that up! ^.^

  470. Bugsydor says:

    @VenlinIf they made this into a film, it would have to be a 9+ hour epic trilogy on the scale of Lord of the Rings. It would be in CGI, but made to still look 2D like the show (as one of the animators said he would love to do for a FiM movie if he had an infinite budget). Sadly, I don't think that this gives quite enough "screentime" to the rest of the mane 6 to qualify for being made into the official movie. Would love it if it happened though. As it stands, I feel that it would be great if Hasbro decided to let this be an official novel ala the various star wars, star trek, and halo expanded universe novels. I would buy it in a heartbeat.@Penstroke: The Ph.D. I am referring to is the Heavy's one in Russian Literature (or whatever its equestrian equivalent is).

  471. Killerowl says:

    @VarThey've been updating with 3-4 chapters every other day since they started. You can expect and update in just some hours, or tomorrow if they're sticking to the same release schedule.

  472. Onej6 says:

    @BareeShe will be back and even if it is brief it will be a touch to the heart for all of us. she will return to twilight that's for sure. Seeing she is the only blood relative and mother of nixif you feel sad give me a brohug bro.*opens front legs*

  473. Bugsydor says:

    @theuncalledforMe? Helpful? YAY! ^0^Well, a good place for you to start might be to post another entry into the Crowning Moment of Heartwarming page. I know that there is more to put there, but I can't remember it right now. Pretty sure there is more to put there, judging by how this story is brimming with d'aww (my stack of busted O'D'awwmeters next to my desk just keeps growing).There are also plenty of tropes lurking in the chapters that I have yet to identify in casual reading. I think the reason why I couldn't stop posting tropes for chapter 10 was because the darn thing just wouldn't get out of my mind, especially the more epic tearjerkers. Spend enough time meditating on a chapter, and the tropes will call out to you. That, and you have doubtless plummed different depths of TVTropes from where the rest of us have been. It's a big place.If you don't feel up to that, maybe you could just 2nd the fanfic recommendation and add a little bit of why it's awesome.Anypony feel free to tell me if I am being too enthusiastic. I don't want to scare people too much.@Killerowl, RE: sock pollI like the way you think! Somepony should totally email that idea to him. Don't forget to make him put Nyx in the running. Anyway, any response from that artist about the kazoo commission? Heck, I would prolly shell out 5-10 bucks for that.

  474. Bryan says:

    I can kinda sorta see Celestia's side of things here. If Nightmare Moon were to return and resume the war it would be devastating to Equestria as a whole. And if Twilight were present when Celestia determined that Nyx needed to be "unmade", I'm sure Celestia knew she'd have an all-out fight with her most faithful student on her hooves. So it made sense to make her stay behind.But even so, Celestia deserves that wound she saw on her soul, and more. I think this story is going to have to be not just about the redemption of Nightmare Moon now, but also of Celestia.I also want to see what Luna thinks about all this now that Celestia can't keep it secret from her either. I bet there's going to be fallout on that side of things too. I almost feel bad for Celestia, her mistakes have backed her into a corner where her relationships with the two ponies closest to her is going to be severely and possibly permanently damaged.

  475. Unknown says:

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  476. Killerowl says:

    @Bugsydor Maybe I'll send him a mail later! But no, the artist never replied to my comment about kazoo Nyx. :(He seems to be busy with some other drawing so I'll wait before I ask again. The drawing may be Nyx related though! Not kazoo Nyx, but still Nyx!

  477. NineOfCups says:

    This story is amazing and has the best cliffhangers ever.

  478. Anonymous says:

    I definitely want to see Luna's opinion on all of this. Something tells me that, while she will understand the reasoning, she will be appalled by Celestia's actions.

  479. Bugsydor says:

    @Pen Stroke or Batty Gloom: Is the "blood from an enemy" part of the resurrection ritual a shout out to Voldemort's resurrection ritual from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire? It seems that way to me as the blood was taken from the lead protagonists for similar reasons having something to do with protecting the resurrectee from the blood "donor" in some way. I will be adding this to the tropes page, but will remove it if either of you says that you had no intention of making such a shout out.@Killerowl: If I recall correctly, there were other artists doing Nyx stuff as well. Maybe we could send kazoo requests to them as well? Or would that be too spammy…

  480. Anonymous says:

    That last chapter bought a tear to my eye. Congratulations.The little disclaimer I thought was uneccasary. I think giving the readers hope at this point will lessen the impact of the story later.Anyway, excellent writing as always, looking forwards to the next part.

  481. Anonymous says:

    This is the second fanfic ive read that Celestia POs Twilight. The first was sunset.second one that made me see NMM in a diff way, first being the empty room.

  482. Killerowl says:

    @Bugsydor Lets wait until we at least get som sort of answer. Because yea, it would be kind of spammy. Oh, on the Harry Potter similarity.I was reading chapter 10 and someone pointed it out. Pen stroke said that any similarities were just coincidences.

  483. Bugsydor says:

    @KillerowlCrap. Now I have to go and remove the shout-out before anypony sees it. *shifty eyes*

  484. Anonymous says:

    Everyone browsing this site in No Fanfiction mode is missing out on the best fanfic from any fandom I've read in recent memory.

  485. Sparkler says:

    Quick question guys. Does anyone remember what Spell Nexus's cutie mark is?It's kinda important!

  486. Diomedes777 says:

    Cannot get enough of this fanfic. Seriously think you should take up writing as a carrer. Job well done ^_^

  487. Anonymous says:

    @N anon"a mediocre Sue story gaining 6 star status, a plotload of fanart of said Sue, and an inexplicably passionate fanbase." "Then again, I don't understand…"And do we ever stop to wonder why people like a LITTLE GIRLS show based on TOYS and several FAN stories based on said girls show?

  488. Devour says:


  489. Killerowl says:

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  490. Anonymous says:

    You know how this is a 6 star story?This needs to be rated 7 stars. Or like, a 6 x 6 star story.

  491. Bugsydor says:

    @KillerowlDon't worry about the erroneous shout out entry, I removed it very quickly after my last post. Anyhow, I love the new pic. Sure, it's missing color and a number of the other things that made that scene great (like thw ribbon or Twilight smiling at Nyx's jubilee), but this is a great pic even if it wasn't modeled after fanonical events.

  492. Killerowl says:

    @Bugsydor That is true, but look at the kazoo!And Seth agreed on making a sock poll. If someone draws TRIXIE IN SOCKS! This needs to be done, NOW!

  493. Bugsydor says:

    @KillerowlI know that the pic is adorable. It went strait into mydocuments/ponies/pics/d'aww as soon as I knew about it.MFW Seth agrees to sock-ponies poll:^0^ Yaaaaaaaay~

  494. Florentine says:

    That was mean, and the next chapters had better not be long coming.Now, that said, having just finished a complete read through.. the story isn't without flaws. Minor mistakes aside, some references felt a little clunky, and the scene in which Nyx was taken away was in my opinion somewhat forcibly negative. The repercussions were properly explored, but it seemed very difficult to justify things playing out the way they did in those few moments.That being said .. I've been made to care hugely about the characters, and i hope desperately to see the rest of this story soon and I do hope a happy ending.Thanks for that.

  495. Florentine says:

    Oh, and by the by – first fanfic I've yet read!

  496. Chapter 10… I read it last night, but I still have to fight back tears every time I think about Nyx being taken away.This story is definitely one of my favorites, please keep up the excellent work.

  497. Bugsydor says:

    Something just occurred to me: This story currently occupies the top position in the popular posts section, and is one of only 2 fanfics to even appear in there at the moment (FO:E being the other one).

  498. Killerowl says:

    @BugsydorPast Sins: 871 votesFO:E: 1018 votesFO:E has been around for a while, Past Sins has not.It seems like this is fic is soon going to pass FO:E in popularity. 😀

  499. Var says:

    It's going to be difficult for Celestia to make amends – something tells me that if there is a happy ending for Nyx and Twilight, it's going to amount to a high personal cost for Celestia. I doubt this story is going to be dark enough for her to die, and I really don't think something like losing the crown is appropriate since she was acting to PROTECT the greater good, but something needs to be paid on her part to mend the rift she's carved between herself and Twilight.Also, looking forward to seeing if Luna has strong feeling on Celestia's actions here.

  500. Lance Banson says:

    “Why are there royal guards outside the library?”You know it's coming. You expect it.But when it actually happens, you realize that no amount of preparation can really help.This has rapidly become my favorite story to be posted on EQD. An expertly written tale (despite a few misworded idioms) full of emotional peaks and valleys, and updated at a rate unheard of at this quality. Normally I try to launch into a lavender, poncey paragraph when responding to truly moving works, but for the first time, I simply can't find the words to do it justice. So instead: thank you. Thank you for this.

  501. Lance Banson says:

    Oh and I suppose while I'm at it: Though chapter 10 left me a bit of a wreck, I still smiled at Nyx's revenge.

  502. Anonymous says:

    @3:50 AnonNegative Anon here again. Well for a while I just thought the actual show was just okay until Dragonshy, then I started to love it and became part of the fandom. I like it because it's good, funny, well-written, and stuff. I like several fan stories for the same reason, though you can replace "funny" with "dramatic" or "grim" for some stories I like. And there's been plenty that I've ignored or hated.I did consider this story again, I even tried reading it again earlier, but I couldn't bring myself to like it, I couldn't bring myself to feel sorry for boring little Nyx, I just don't see the appeal of it. I liked the cult thing, and Celestia coming to the rescue, but after that I couldn't stop yawning while reading it, and again, I suspect if it wasn't for Nyx being a kid version of Nightmare Moon(and the "omg so kawaiiii <3333" factor of the fanarts, as well as the authors' past awesomeness), this would be just another generic Sue story that at best everyone would ignore and at worst everyone would laugh at for all the wrong reasons.I don't HATE this fic. Frankly it deserves 3 stars at the most. Again, what baffles me is how this fic got so popular, and in such short time. And I really wouldn't like it too much if it somehow becomes as influential as Progress, Fallout, or even Cupcakes and gets referenced by every brony and their mom.

  503. Anonymous says:

    >Sees picture of Twilight about to be hanged.>EXPLAIN THIS BULLSHIT! She better not die!!!>About to read.>The implying guy.

  504. Bugsydor says:

    @VarWhile I can understand Celestia's actions for the most part (or at least rationalize them; I have a disturbing level of skill for that), I would love to hear Luna or Twilight shout "What the Heck, Hero?!" (I need an interrobang key…) or have Spell Nexus or Nyx give her a Hannibal Lecture at some point. I am not entirely sure if her actions (acting in what she believed to be Equestria's best interests) warrant such a chewing out, but dang if that wouldn't be satisfying as all get out.Would Nyx's speeches at the end of 10 count as Hannibal Lectures or The Reason You Suck Speeches? I am not quite sure as they might be a bit short for that.

  505. Bugsydor says:

    @AnonymousDon't worry, the authors already promised in the comments that Twilight won't die. They also said that this story would not deserve the Grimdark or Sad tags, but I think that they meant that everything would turn out alright in the end.

  506. Var says:

    @ Bugsydor Nyx's speeches weren't meant to hurt Twilight, they were meant to highlight exactly how she had wronged her daughter. That, in my mind, is a 'Calling The Old Man Out' moment.And I totally agree with you – someone needs to give Celestia a blunt 'What the Hell?!" speech, if only so the audience can experience some sort of catharsis. Also, it would be good if Nyx made a spiteful Hannibal Lecture on how, had Celestia listened to Twilight and not interfered, Nyx might have remained an infant and probably not gone evil if she did regain all her Nightmare Moon memories – after all, there was more than a mere undercurrent of the filly in the wake of the ritual.

  507. Anonymous says:

    Okay epic picture.First she stalks and imprisons Twilight.Then she does battle with Celestia, presumably defeating her since the rest of the pictures aren't really about happiness and sunshine.The other ponies try to use the elements to defeat NMM. From the looks of that hat ill bet Trixie tries to use the element of magic, but since shes not the real bearer of the damn thing, they're going to fail.After that se imprisons the CMC cuz shes eevul.Jesus Chirst thats pretty grim… Twilight at a hanging. We know shes not gonna be killed so at this point NMM is going to have a change of heart and Nyx vanquishes her evil in an epic battle of wills.Thats how i see it going. Suberb writing btw, better than a large portion of actual published books.Gief moar chapters now!

  508. Bugsydor says:

    @AnonymousTranslated to English: Great story! You deserve all the stars possible.I agree with the Spanish speaking Anon.

  509. IkusaGT says:

    @Anonymous I don't see this fiction being as influential on any other works on here. Progress had bits and gags that could be worked in anywhere i.e. abacus. Fallout gave a whole new world to expand on. While BLTSAP(Better living through science and ponies) was an awesome fic it didn't carry the influence as the aforementioned stories above. I think your letting you fears get the better of you a little bit.Not all hit movies were a hit with a everyone. But I like this fic.

  510. Anonymous says:

    After reading every chapter, and being on the verge of tears when Twilight stood as stiff as a statue while the guards took Nyx away, I must say that this is by far the best fanfic I have ever read. Keep up the good work, I can't wait for the next chapters!

  511. Bugsydor says:

    @VarNot too familiar with that trope, but be sure to put "Calling the Old Mare Out" on the trope page if you feel it fits.

  512. Anonymous says:

    This is better than Jane Eyre!

  513. Anonymous says:

    @banjo2EAnd then banish the moon into the sun!

  514. Anonymous says:

    @BugsydorAnd you believed them? Oh, ho ho ho! Foolish naive reader, yours are the tears they love the most. Do you honestly think they would tell their total plan right out from the start? What fun would that be?

  515. Anonymous says:

    @theuncalledforThank you for your forgiveness. I meant what I said about not wanting to offend. I was hoping for just light-hearted jokes, and I obviously failed (not the first time). And I suddenly realize that I didn't formally apologize to the real Germans who were offended but DON'T make beer. I am sorry to you guys also (which was kinda implied with the first one, but I wanted to make it totally clear). 😛 And now with the mention of beer along with the setting of the sun … I think it's time.

  516. artrcland says:

    Don’t know what to say except that I’m loving this story!As new chapters come out, I’ve put aside other stories to continue reading this one. Thanks

  517. artrcland says:

    Don’t know what to say except that I’m loving this story!As new chapters come out, I’ve put aside other stories tocontinue reading this one. Thanks

  518. Anonymous says:

    I don't know why… but that comic made me cry a little.Manly tears were not shed, baby tears have though.

  519. ULTRAMARIOX says:

    "Fret Not ,Dear Readers" came a cryFrom the most perceptive eyeThere are many secrets that serve as proofThat the ending is not on the same hoofOn the last panel of picture of fameThere is a pony, about to dieThe sky in the background is the color of flameAnd Pen Stroke leaves us to wonder why(Basically Twilight hasn't been hung, and also the sky isn't dark or nighttime, so either Chapter 10 ain't the last night, or Nightmare Moon will have a change of heart, and thiis is witten like a poetri because thats how chapter 10 ends.) p.s. there are spoilers /trollface.jpg

  520. Anonymous says:

    Actually i think the NMM phase will be over in a few chapters, being a sort of a second act of the story.It is called Past Sins after all, i think the last chapters will be about Nyx trying to redeem herself after the crimes NMM committed.

  521. Technically, this story is like the Fable series. Am I right or wrong?

  522. Erroneous says:

    Guys this is kind of a big deal. Like a really big deal. This fanfic has 721 comments posted on this ED page.Cupcakes has 611. Bitch just got owned. I know they can't be compared, however, the most infamous fanfic known to ponykind has less comments on its page than this one does. I'm not sayin'. I'm JUST saying. Also

  523. Anonymous says:

    @8:31pm Anon:So you feel that after a chapter or two the current Nightmare Moon will be find being Nightmare Moon (Boring, Lonely, Sad, etc. take your pick) and that the rest of the fic would be her trying to get past being Nightmare Moon, in the past and present?Your alot more optimistic than pretty much everybody else who's read the same as you.@Silent hunter:No, more like an adversion of Fable. The Fable series is about the "hero"'s choices affecting his/her life and those around him/her. This fic is focusing on how everybody else's choices are affecting Nyx's(Nightmare Moon's).

  524. Bugsydor says:

    @ErroneousWell, that leaves us only about 1244 comments behind Fallout Equestria.RE: the comic you posted:As they say on KYM, "Repost!" Still, that comic is freaking awesome and should be in this story's art section. Somepony just linked it to us in the comments before you got here is all.

  525. Anonymous says:

    I'm re-posting this song just to get the message out again…Blurry-Puddle Of Mudd

  526. Kyle says:

    …;_;I have no words, save these.If you don't continue, if this story doesn't have a happy ending, I will be heartbroken. I will be crushed, torn apart, and I will probably start crying. Not manly tears, there's a distinct possibility that I'll be sobbing like a baby, like only a few things manage to make me do.

  527. Bugsydor says:

    @AnonymousThat song…it fits even more perfectly than the last time you posted it.For a second I thought that somepony should make a PMV to that song with scenes from this fic, but then I realized that no matter how deeply the images of chapter 10 and the rest have been burned into my mind, these images only exist in print and in our minds and hearts. Then I was sadder. T^TMy basic idea for the hypothetical PMV would be to take footage of Nyx being adorable and Nyx and Twilight playing together and bonding (like that one scene at the end of Chapter 6) to replace the similar-ish scenes from the music video, and take a different sad scene for each chorus (first one could maybe be Nyx undergoing mind-rape in the old castle, 2nd could be Nyx being torn from Twilight's arms, and the final one could be the scene where Nightmare!Nyx chews out Twilight at the end of Chapter 10). The chorus ran 3 times, right?I know that that is just a pipe dream, but wouldn't that be made of win if it happened?

  528. Bugsydor says:

    Also, just figured out that I could add mind rape to the tropes page. That scene and its aftermath just started making a lot more sense to me.

  529. Hunter X says:

    I'm not sure what I can say that hasn't already been repeated a hundred times. If this doesn't end happily I expect there are going to be more than a few angry readers.

  530. Anonymous says:

    There is actually another song at applies well to this fix, and to Nyx in particular: – by Akeboshi

  531. Anonymous says:

    What about nopony to nightmare (moon)? I'm not sure about mind rape, though.

  532. Bugsydor says:

    @AnonymousWell, I think that being forced to think about torturing the pony you love the most and all of her friends just to make her suffer even more probably qualifies as mind rape, even if it is a bit more mild than what you would normally expect. Also, Nyx is rather depressed and disturbed for days after the memories and emotions forcibly implanted themselves into her mind.

  533. Anonymous says:


  534. StarfireMoon says:

    Wow, I hate reading but I read this all the way through till the end of chapter 10 and I must say the story is absolutely wonderful so far, so much emotions flowing, I even cried and felt twilight's pain in the one part(not spoiling it for anypony). I absolutely cant wait to see more of it continued!Great work! I would rate it 9/10 (-1 for few minor spelling and typographical errors)

  535. Bugsydor says:

    @StarfireMoonDon't worry about spoiling the story for anybody. Anybody who digs through 700+ comments before reading the story, hoping to avoid spoilers, kinda has it coming ;). In other news: I think I talk too much.Also, I really hope that this fic updates soon. I need something to get me out of the funk that Chapter 10 left me in.

  536. Anonymous says:

    I have to say, I actually think this was a pretty thought out fan-fiction, surprisingly, since you guys seem to have actually finished the whole thing ahead of time regarding the comments. However, it falls terribly short when you actually put Nyx's character into perspective.It's really, really, boring and like many have said before, is very much like a mary-sue. Everyone likes her, she's incredibly smart and strong, and is basically flawless, which leads to very boring characters.I don't hate her or think she's annoying, but her character just lacks depth or development which may hopefully get expanded upon.She's cute, sure, but she's, again, just a bit boring. The relationship between Twilight and her suffers because of it. Still, this piece still interests me, so I'll see where it leads from here.

  537. Anonymous says:

    >her horn flashing once before all of the cloud cover was brushed away like froth from a cup of hot cocoa.Dudewat.gif

  538. Anonymous says:

    I am determined to keep reading till the end of this DESPITE how depressed it's making me. Nyx is just to cute and I can't imagine how messed up her life would be if she turned back now. No one would accept her and she would become evil again. So what I'm saying is please please make this into a happy ending.

  539. Dakaros says:

    chapter 6 was awesome, so many tears of joy, cuteness almost killed me..chapter 10, mind crush, please tell me this will have a happy ending , mother and daughter deserve a happy ending, nyx its to lovely to become evil 5stars awesome fanfic

  540. Anonymous says:

    I'm hoping for a happy ending, but for some reason the only end I can see being satisfying is a sad one…it's the pretty much only way to get things back to any semblance of status quo/equilibrium.As for the sue comments…y'know, I can see it, but I don't quite feel it. She's now where near as obnoxious as the average Sue, but she does have a bad habit of being less a character than a plot device sometimes (which, honestly, was kind of Nightmare Moon's thing in actual series too…she was an excuse to bring the main characters together.)

  541. Bugsydor says:

    @1:32 AnonymousWell, maybe now that she is a conflicted Nightmare Moon she can have some character development of her own.

  542. Kidou says:

    D:No! Nyx! ;_;

  543. Anonymous says:

    Mary Sue is a phrase tossed around too easily. Like, Anne from Anne of Green Gables could count as a Mary Sue to some people, she was an orphan who was initially unwanted but eventually won over the people who adopted her and then the entire community that she lived in. She did well academically and though her red hair was considered unattractive at the time the story took place in she was still pretty.Nyx is a bit of an idealized character, but not egregiously so. Some sue traits aren't necessarily bad.

  544. Gekkey says:

    Good lord man, you just pump them out. You're up to 171 pages.

  545. Anonymous says:

    This is excellent! You really have great writing abilities, I would buy a book if you wrote it.

  546. Anonymous says:

    Why is every Complaining about Nyx being a Mary Sue, god's are by their very nature Mary Sue's.

  547. Anonymous says:

    I started reading this just as part 6 was posted, So getting part 7 and beyond was a great surprise.Now I'm re-reading chaper 10 over and over and over and over and over and over…

  548. Anonymous says:

    Not Gonna CryNot Gonna CryNot Gonna Cr- *reads Nyx shouting "Mommy!" and then being turned into Nightmare Moon*. . . . .

  549. Batty Gloom says:

    Here ez a short list of Nyx's flaws:*She ez overly sensitive und a bit of a crybaby. Vhen she heard Rarity mention zhat zee glasses vere bad und she vouldn't make even her worst enemy vear zhem, Nyx emmediately assumed zhat Twilight hated her und started to break down. She vaz despressed for days after zee encident en zee Everfree Forest und vould have been if not for AppleBloom.* She eez un coward. She vaz scared by perhaps zee most friendliest of zee Everfree Forest monster, did not try to defend herself ungainst Silver Spoon und Diamond Tiara, und eez afraid of disappointing others. She relies on others to protect her.* She eez overly curious to zee point of driving even Twilight crazy (vhich vaz part of zee reazon she made her go to school) und asking questions even vhen enappropriate. Et vaz her curiosity that lead her to go to zee Everfree Forest vithout asking und enter zee old castle. * She sucks at art. Zhis eez a spoiler but et *eez* en zee story later.I will admit moar time should have been devoted to developing her character but a Mary Sue? No, dun't see eet. She eez flat at worse.

  550. Pheonid says:

    If ever there was a story that deserved to be listed at 7 stars, this would be it. This is absolutely amazing.

  551. Anonymous says:

    @Batty Gloom Alright, that makes things a bit better, but I didn't say she WAS a Mary Sue, but that she exhibited traits of one.Your points do soften them. The only thing about her character that bugged me was that nearly EVERYONE in the story thought she was a perfect angel besides the two bullies, who got punished time and time again.But yeah, some of her flaws should have been explored a bit more, but, I'm still looking forward to the next chapters.

  552. Brent M. says:

    I have to say, I've really enjoyed this story so far! Keep up the good work, gentlemen!In any case, I seriously doubt that the Cutie Mark Crusaders are going to give up on their friend without a fight, even if she is Nightmare Moon. It'll be interesting to see what the trio are going to do.

  553. Mr.Brony says:

    What an amazing marketing story this has become…

  554. Mitsu says:

    All my money, My heart, My freedom, TAKE IT!just give me Nyx back T.T

  555. Anonymous says:

    Oh fuck you!I really, and I mean REALLY HATE SAD FICS! If I actually WANTED to be depressed I would go watch the news or something, I mean real life is depressing enough without having to read your stupid sad fics! It's rare for me to drop a fic after I've started it but I can't read anymore of this shit.Ya know what, fuck this! If I can't even read a [normal] fic without it becoming a [sad] fic I'm just going to stop reading any new fics at all! Well, maybe I'll keep reading some one-shots but if it has anymore then, lets say, 5 chapters I'm not reading it.

  556. …Not gonna lie, here. When Nyx was taken from Twilight like that, I re-enacted the extraction scene from Platoon while shouting a Big No.Dammit, I NEED more of this fic!

  557. Anonymous says:

    Yeah Nyx is a bit Mary Sueish but really what makes her interesting isn't her but how everypony is reacting to ger. She seems a lot more interesting now that she transformed. The reason i think her evil phase is gonna be over soon because the name of the story is Past Sins and she hasn't done anything wrong yet. Also, the images in are depicted in her mane as she cries which leads me to believe shes already gotten past her evil self at that point.

  558. Killerowl says:

    @Batty GloomThank you for writing that, I just wish you wouldn't use the accent, because someone or probably just going to skip your comment.I for one find it hilarious though!And I agree, she's flat at worst.

  559. Bugsydor says:

    @Brent M.CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS "I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE SOMEWHERE" FIGHTERS, YAY!Actually, I don't know what trope whatever they do will apply to, but I am fairly sure it will be awesome even if it isn't wholly successful.

  560. Anonymous says:

    Well, this is the first time I've been emotionally invested in a fanfiction. Really good job.

  561. Killerowl says:

    @BugsydorThank you! I just read it out loud and realised how stupid it sounds.

  562. I feel that I may, in fact, die without more of this to read. The d'awww reached critical levels long ago.I actually teared up a little bit when (SPOILERS) they were taking Nyx.Simply phenomenal story, Pen Stroke. To Batty Gloom; yes. Pen Stroke is tremendous credit to Brony community.

  563. @AnonymousDepressive fics have a positive effect on your psyche. It purifies your soul by letting you releasing affects effected by the pain of the characters you care for. It's called catharsis and is an old technique of entertainment and "artistic therapy".

  564. Anonymous says:

    Some "Mary Sue traits can't be avoided when your talking about the Reincarnation of the Dark Moon Goddess. I still don't see the point where she's a Mary Sue to the point where it's a crime.Of course she's gonna be very Skilled and Strong in magic. She would be useless to the Cult if she wasn't otherwise. I think that's what people are forgetting. She was supposed to be a tool for the Cultists to overthrow Celestia

  565. Onej6 says:

    i might be wrong but i might be not anyway here goes my theory on the coverartif i recall correct Nyx got some memories back from Nightmare moon in the story in which she wanted to hurt twilight and such, or even kill her. wouldn't it be possible the fact that we see twilight almost being hanged as a memory. if so the sky worries me and swipes away my theory. then again didn't twilight fear that if she was 'helping' NMM that she would be imprisoned send to the moon or worse and is this something that she thinks could happen. again it's pure a theory. a lousy one that is.

  566. Anonymous says:


  567. Anonymous says:

    I find myself checking if this has updated every 30 minutes.

  568. BritPony says:

    6 stars? You goddamn right.This is the best fic i've read for a while.

  569. Michael Hahn says:

    You know an author has the voices of the characters down when you can identify who's speaking within one sentence of the start of the chapter. Everypony was perfectly in character. I could even hear the ponies talking when I was reading their lines (which almost never happens.) The one minor flaw was Celestia refusing to allow Twilight to go with Nyx when she was taken, and Twilight for letting her get away with it. That did seem a bit out of character for both.

  570. albin205 says:

    Just read chapter 10… and cried silently throughout the entire thing. Im going to miss little Nyx *sniff*

  571. Daniel says:

    I can see this as the Friendship is Magic movie. This needs fanimated. Now.

  572. Bugsydor says:

    An idea for an update to the tropes page just occurred to me, based on what Batty Gloom listed as some of Nyx's flaws.Fridge Brilliance: Nyx seems to be a completely different character from Nightmare Moon, until one considers that Nyx has the same oversensitivity to others' opinions of her that made Luna enraged over people shunning her night and transformed her into Nightmare Moon in the first place.Then again, that entry smells flawed to me. I won't be posting this to the Fridge Brilliance section of the tropes page until somepony else confirms this or makes it make more sense. I think some things got lost in the transition from brain to keyboard.

  573. Florentine says:

    @Daniel:Oh, definitely. Or, well, the premise at the very least. I wonder what miracle could let That happen were they to make one, though..Although I still stand by that Celestia/Twilight scene in chapter 10 being really clumsy, though. Oh, wholly necessary but..And, @Michael Hahn, I agree too. The characters really were down fairly pat.. bar the above bemoaned bit in Chapter 10. 'Not often I hear them in my head either, although the less than subtle use of font variation I found hampered that rather than aided it.

  574. Bugsydor says:

    @BugsydorWoot! Lucky 777 get!

  575. Killerowl says:

    @BugsydorHmmm, I wonder who got 666.

  576. starsong says:

    This has become one of my fave fanfics. other fics have made me cry but i've never had knots in my stomach like this before. when i saw the new chapters i squealed in joy

  577. Bugsydor says:

    @starsongConsarn it! When you said "new chapters" I thought that you meant chapters 11+ and I got my hopes up.On a happier note, we have a new pic of Nyx in socks in the art section!@Killerowl: Idunno who got that dubious honor, but I will check.

  578. Bugsydor says:

    @KillerowlIt turns out that that dubious honor goes to either Onej6 responding to Baree and offering a hug (if the site counts deleted posts), or to me explaining troperism to theUncalledfor if the site doesn't count deleted posts. Take your pick about which one seems more appropriate.

  579. Killerowl says:

    @BugsydorWell, I just can't give it to a poster offering a hug. You know what that means…

  580. Waffen337 says:

    Was i the only one who cried a little at the part when they take Nyx?** SPOILER**

  581. Anonymous says:

    Pen Stroke, to you I bequeath all of my Internetz, Stars, Moneys, and thanks for making this my favorite Fanfic of all time. I believe that I echo the sentiments of my fellow bronies when I say that this would make a perfect MLP movie.

  582. Anonymous says:

    Whenever I read Batty Gloom's comments, I cant help speaking in a Richtofen voice(From Call of Duty)

  583. Bugsydor says:

    @KillerowlI guess that converting somebody to troperism might be considered by some to be an inherently evil act, but I think my 777get cancels out the 666get.@Waffen37:Join the club. Those were the only three tears that I shed for a fictional character in my life, and the end of the chapter made me go into a full-on Heroic(or Villainous?) BSOD. I am checking this page every few minutes for an update so that I can see how the story goes on from there.

  584. Daniel says:

    @Batty GloomYou two might want to go over all of the fic since Chapter 4 again. There are several problems a MSWord scan cannot fix, and you forget to signal changes in speakers a few times.

  585. Oscilous says:

    @BugsydorWell, now you just need to aim for 888. lol

  586. Anonymous says:

    First fallout equestria gets an update, the as soon as I finish this also get an update, it's frigen fanfic Christmas.

  587. rob says:

    best story ever and I literally finished reading ch 10 and decided to go to the homepage to look for new articles when BAM 11,12 and 13 were there 😀

  588. Oscilous says:

    Yeah, Epic! Finally! Now I just have to keep from reading it all at once and forcing myself to wait another two days….Oh screw it…

  589. Bugsydor says:

    Just finished watching Sonic Rainboom again while waiting for more comments to appear here, then checked back to find that we got an update.In the words of Ms. Rainbow Dash, "OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH!"

  590. Batty Gloom says:

    Just a post to remind me und Pen Stroke vhen zee next chapters vere posted.Und for everyvun who says Celestia und Twilight were out of character en zee last chapter…pleaze paid very close attention to Celestia's und Twilight's parts.

  591. Anonymous says:

    YAY CHAPTER 11 12 AND 13Sweet, I haven't even finished the last updates. Thank you for uploading so fast~

  592. crazyredemu says:

    I have both E-fallout and Past sins opened right now…I don't know which to read first…..I know I will read fallout first incase I get depressed and then read past sins to cheer up…unless it still has Nyx being evil and then I will end up with super depression!

  593. >Triple Update>First new chapter is Luna calling out Celestia for being such a heartless b**** in her attempt to play ChessmasterIn the immortal words of Twilight Sparkle, YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES!!!…yes.I am very happy.

  594. @Onej6 And if I were part of a modding team, I`d make this into-Wait, wrong Pen Stroke fanfic…

  595. Bugsydor says:

    *Reads partway through chapter 11*"Aww, how come Nyx gets to have a lifesize Twilight Sparkle Plushy? I am now officially Jelly."

  596. Anonymous says:

    800 goddamn comments? And 6 stars? Fine. I'll read this.

  597. Anonymous says:

    I haven't got a chance to read the next few parts yet, but seriously hats off to you for writing the story in advance to release a good amount of material each day, it keeps me very excited. If you're writing this each day from a rough storyboard then I am in complete awe of your skills.

  598. Killerowl says:

    SPOILER!"Twilight felt something firm strike the back of her head, and the world fell away in an instant. Behind her, Spell Nexus stood with a firm, wooden baton he had transfigured from a nearby torch. He returned the torch to its original shape and set it back in its wall mount before looking down at the now unconscious unicorn."This torch makes no sense.

  599. Anonymous says:

    Why… Why does this have to come out right before I was supposed to go to bed?!

  600. My heart broke, take my love, all of it!

  601. Anonymous says:


  602. …Freaking Jesus God Hell, to borrow a term used by someone on the internet. Those three chapters… they were a thing. I very much like how much of Nyx gets through Nightmare Moon's thoughts, same as Nightmare Moon got through Nyx's. However, I wouldn't have cried if Celestia had been actually killed in the duel. Luna gave all the reasoning in the first chapter of the update for why she should have been. Of course, the lack of any sort of dark tag means no death of Princess Cactus, so w/e.Twilight's an idiot, but I can excuse that. She wants to talk to her daughter, and if she has to do the most stupid things in the world, she will do it. And it's likely going to be Twilight that reverses and saves everything. Or! Or! We can use the spell that made Nightmare Moon to split Nightmare Moon and Nyx into two separate ponies and then defeat Nightmare Moon again without having to worry ever again about her returning and we get a happy ending where Nyx can stay!…okay, I'm grasping at straws here, but still. Very nice chapters, although were some odd things in them. I'm sure others will be… kind enough to point them out. I can't wait for the next update. And then after that will be the final update huh, if at chapter 10 the story was half over? That… that actually makes me sadder than Chapter 10 did…

  603. Affixiation says:

    Let me just say that I am both surprised and very grateful for the pace that you're pushing out these chapters and I eagerly await more :3

  604. Krek says:

    I can almost imagine these words being uttered should Nightmare Moon/Nyx begin to falter infront of Nexus:"So, what's it going to be: Nightmare Moon's hatred or Nyx's love?! WELL?! Ha! As I suspected… You. Are weak."

  605. PanManDan says:

    Aw man, this story looks SO EPIC! I've wanted to read it ever since the first post, but I don't wanna reach a cliffhanger and be forced to stop reading, I need to know how many chapters are left! I wanna marathon this like I did the first time I watched Season 1!!!

  606. [CHAPTER 12 SPOILERS!]>Nexus wants Twilight hung>Nightmare Moon refuses and threatens to have Nexus executed if he harms Twilight>dat image…Esther. It's the Book of Esther. From the BIBLE.HOLY. SHIT.

  607. Anonymous says:

    I just have noticed an interesting pattern in all those Nightmare Moon return stories: The Royal Guards are a bunch of useless ponies who switches sides/ gets brainwashed as soon as Celestia is banished/corrupted/killed.

  608. Anonymous says:

    Dang man… You're pumping out this story faster then I have time to read it… I can't wait to read more 😀

  609. Anonymous says:

    Once again, excellent!

  610. I like where this story is going…. I really do hope Twilight isnt actually hanged….. this story is at the top of my must read list. I could be reading another fiction when this updates, NEW TAB *begins reading*

  611. ShadowFox04 says:

    13 Chapters & Prologue, Over 1000 Votes, just hit 800 comments and is 6 Stars, and this thing only started a week ago. It's a story that has, even in the most recent chapters, kept completely true to the original feel of the show. It hasn't used any Grimdark elements like many other stories use. The characters still act like they normally do, with enough room to let them evolve, and, well basically, It's just an all round amazing story.

  612. Markeith says:

    WOW so much inner conflict within Nightmare Moon/Nyx, suddenly I have the feeling Nexus or one of the cult ponies is gonna try to go behind her back to deal with Twilight and/or her friends and bring down eternal rage upon themselves.Great story so far and can't wait for the next few chapters.

  613. Anonymous says:

    Chapter 10 is blasphemy. That scene where they take Nyx away defies all logic. I mean, Celestia would at least allow Twilight to tell Nyx goodbye, or at least to tell her to cooperate with the guards, that they meant no harm, etc.I will try to ignore this in light of the awesomeness of the story up until now.

  614. Var says:

    I liked these NMM chapters. Chapter 11 held exactly what I wanted to see – Luna calling out Celestia's actions. I had personally imagined someone saying 'You Monster!' so I was surprised to see Luna begin something like that, until Celestia interrupts her. I must say, I love how you've managed to portray Celestia here. Her arguments and concerns are solid and reasonable, but there are holes that Luna pokes through, which is good. The castle segment was an excellent reversal of the early scene where Nyx gained some of NMM's memories in the old castle. Glad to see Nyx's memories and sentiments are stronger than I thought. Plus, it's nice to see new scenes of her childhood to go with each piece.Nexus is a hell of a lot more subordinate than I expected. And he said he started the cult when he stumbled on shreds of NMM's old power? And he converts more followers by exposing them to the same power? Good lord, they're actually crazy, actually certifiably insane, and I do not mean that ironically.The apology scene in Chapter 12 was well done as well. I admired Twilight for choosing to do what was right over what was… uh, correct, I guess. It's a pity Nexus stumbled across her, but on the other hoof, seeing Twilight beaten up so badly definitely shocked and upset NMM.Reading Chapter 13, I was a bit concerned how quickly you were moving through the takeover scene. Luna defeated off-screen, Celestia trumped after her army was disabled (brilliant call back to Boast Busters, btw) and the Elements of Harmony doing such a pathetic job of challenging her…But then I realised, it's not about the fate of Equestria, it's about what NMM is feeling as she goes through these things. This was reinforced when she mused on her inability to kill and when she mended the Twilight dummy into a proper doll.

  615. Var says:

    The speed of the takeover, the ease at which Nightmare Moon succeeded, the submissiveness of her followers (and the explanation for their devotion, being mind altered by dark magic) should have bothered me, but in reality they helped me realise why I like this fic so much.It's perhaps one of the purest fanfics I've read. Other fanfics would have drawn this out, played the battles as a war with drawn out tragedy. There would have been more plot threads, fleshing out the side character's place in the tale. However, this fic realises this isn't necessarily and moves beyond it, looking at Nyx and seeing what happens to the fearsome Nightmare Moon when she has everything to gain yet nothing to fight for. At it's core the fic is about Twilight and what she will do for the sake of another, and about Nyx struggling to understand where she should belong – as a filly she found solace in her friends and mother, but that has all been ripped from her. Her lack of a cutie mark highlights this.I'm looking forward to where things will lead from here.

  616. D. Shadows says:

    Nyx feels hollow because she's doing what is expected of her, not what she wants to do. Thus she does a few unexpected things, that save her state of mind.Nexus is actually running the show with her as a figurehead, also his laws are disturbing and the mind control magic does not instill love. It only instills loyalty.Thus by the end of all this I think poor little Nyx will eventually get a wake up call.If her talent was to move the moon than that would be adorning her flank, if her talent was to be queen she would already have a cutie mark.Her talent is going to be something completely different, I can tell. (Galaxy cutie mark at least)What the cultists did at the beginning of this story was their biggest mistake, instead of using Luna's blood they used Twilights. Being the element of magic is otherwise known for make 'connections', it's understandable why Nyx is feeling bad. If Luna's blood was used to ressurect Nightmare Moon… then that pony would truly be able to be Nightmare Moon. But with part of twilight in her, Nyx is still who she really is. With readers hoping things won't get too bad, by now I could care less how it progress's, the writer has some top stuff. My compliments.

  617. Killerowl says:

    @VarI love you for writing all that, summed up all of my thoughts.There's really nothing else to say, except for this: I love this story.

  618. YAy Updates! Cant wait to read them

  619. Pen needs a freaking medal. Ultimate Brony Writer of Awesome. I'm no longer freaking out about Nyx; I know she's in there. And despite everypony's opinion that she is Nightmare Moon, I think Twilight is right. I think Nyx was just Nyx, until that f*cker Spell Nexus CHANGED HER into Nightmare Moon with the second spell. When it was incomplete, she was just Nyx. And if our heroes have anything to say about it, she'll be Nyx again in the end. One thing though… with the images from the right side of the title picture coming true one by one, and Twilight in the dungeon, the hanging scene- (* shivers *) -seems very close now. And I maintain my previous stand… if Twilight dies, Pen dies….(not really – who would hurt Pen?)

  620. Anonymous says:

    *Slight Spoiler*At the end of chapter 13, Pinkie says "Who's going to make the cake when I'm gone?" I don't know if Stroke even meant to do that, but GLaDOS says the same thing at the end of Portal 1.It made me lol.

  621. Pen Stroke says:

    @AnonymousThat was intentional, and you got the reference right. Here, have a cake… wait, the cake is a lie.:P

  622. Popcorn says:

    I'm finding hope in the fact that NMM still doesn't have her cutie mark. I startled my cat with how loud I laughed when I realized that Trixie was the stand-in Element of Magic.Thank you for another wonderful set of chapters.

  623. Burndog says:

    The only thing that bothers me about this whole magnificent story (besides Celestia desiding to grab the Idiot Ball during the whole taking Nyx away.) was the implication that Trixie is a COMPLETE failure, I am not one of the guys who say "sHe iz a$ Strong az TwiGhT" but I feel it was a bit too far to the right out right almost out right saying she is a coward and a complete weaking.

  624. Anonymous says:

    @BurndogWell, isn't that what the original episode itself does?Let's keep our fanon and canon straight.

  625. Anonymous says: me please i want to ask you something very important

  626. Blue says:

    Who else is jelous of Nightmare's life-sized Twilight plush?

  627. @ActionScripter9109 Hmm… what's that phrase they use on 4chan? "MAH NIGGA", I think it was?And as for who would hurt Pen……*closes door to a nearby room where JakeHeritagu and ToonNinja are strapped to waterboards*…I dunno. That's something to ask Steven King, I guess…

  628. Var says:

    I will add that I felt that, during the dialog heavy scene between Luna and Celestia in ch11, more effort made on identifying the speaker would have been appreciated. I dunno about most other people, but for me it looks a bit jarring if an entire paragraph is just dialog. Some stuff like 'Luna's eyes went wide. "What? How is that possible?!"' here and there so we know who's speaking before getting into the meat of the discussion. It's absence drew me out of the story several times as I tried to re orientate myself.I think part of my problem is that, while the dialog does well to carry the feelings, language is about more than words. I would have liked to see Luna's physical reactions to the revelations, and as for Celestia I would have liked to know what tone of voice she used. Was she stating things plainly, was she speaking softly to try and ease the words? Did her wings flick now and then, belying her fears and tensions?The discussion itself was brilliant though, no qualms about that.

  629. Var says:

    @ BurndogWell, she's not one of their friends. Kinda defeats the purpose of using the Elements of Harmony when the keystone of the group, the Element of Magic, isn't friends with the others.Friendship is Magic, you see, and without friendship they were never in Harmony with one another.

  630. Andrew says:

    This story gives me all the HNNNNNNG- all of it.

  631. Everything is going exactly as the timeline in the image, but many of these events also resolve in a manner different from the assumed conclusion. I'm not assuming anything, except that Nexus is a power-hungry… Well, lets just say that true evil is seldom what or where we expect it to be, and never underestimate the power of true love and friendship.

  632. Var says:

    @ KillerOwlHaha, thanks! I just like giving dedicated reviews, is all. When you find a story like this, nothing is more satisfying than pursuing what makes it tick, imo.

  633. Burndog says:

    @AnonymousIt is straight.I never said Trixie was near as talented as Twilight, Trixie tried defeating it(and obviously failed), Twilight just put it to sleep. Trixie did not run away until the Ursa was put to sleep. Besides I just said I was not one of the people who says she was as good as Twilight.Learn to read posts before you act snarky.

  634. Bugsydor says:

    Just finished reading Chapter 13. I think that this song is particularly fitting, in tone if not in subject matter.

  635. Burndog says:

    @VarAck, why did I not think of that? Thanks for explaining it to me.

  636. @ Bugsydor*thumbs up*

  637. Anonymous says:

    An odd thought, but this comes full circle on the origin of Nightmare Moon… Both the current Nightmare Moon and Luna say that the original Nightmare Moon was just Luna, but (I don't remember where) but it's been mentioned that canonically that Nightmare Moon was Luna possessed by her own negativity and another entity.Now the current Nightmare Moon has no knowledge of her power "enlightening" others nor cares… …she should though as Luna suggested the current Nightmare Moon has her own soul, is her own being, that's why Nyx seems to show through and the current Nightmare Moon has no cutie mark.If the "enlightenment" isn't part of Nyx's powers, but that other entity's, then other then Twilight it's the current Nightmare Moon (Nyx) who is in the most danger.

  638. NMM doesn't have her cutie mark? >:3I can see a big clash between NMM and Nexus in the future- she's far too compassionate and merciful for his ideals.Things actually aren't too bad yet. You had me worried during the fight between Celestia and NMM, but I kept smiling hopefully through these latest chapters.

  639. Var says:

    @ BurndogNo problem! I agree that Trixie is actually pretty talented at magic. "Not as powerful as Twilight" =/= "useless mage" by a longshot. In fact, have you read 'The First Light of Dawn'? The second chapter portrays Trixie brilliantly, I was in awe.

  640. Anonymous says:

    @PenstrokeNot quite threw but I just wanted to get this off of me:The story is still as good as it was in the beginning. Though it seems that more spelling mistakes have managed to worm their way in because you are probably trying to satisfy the community which is demanding as much as it can get.Another thing I am unhappy about is that Luna is basically only a plot element. Though considering the story that inspired this and how you wrote that I was kind of expecting you to continue in that direction anyway.Either way even with those bumpers I am enjoying the story greatly.Thanks.

  641. I wonder, where'd they find Trixie anyway? Has she been hiding out around the Ponyville region this whole time?

  642. RealityCheck says:

    Good grief, I'm on pins and needles here!

  643. Anonymous says:

    Btw, if there was a dad for Nyx, I expected it'd be Trixie 8(

  644. Var says:

    @ AnonymousSee, what I took from that is he's under the spell himself. People are saying he's got an ulterior motive but he's been acting damn subservient, following NMM's heels like a puppy.Of course, if NMM decides she's actually Nyx, his tune will change.

  645. Killerowl says:

    Now we just wait for the inevitable takover by Nexus.@BugsydorThat was uncannily fitting.

  646. SummerPwny says:

    this so well written, the story is amazing, i can't find a single error. and i have never Hated a story this much. it's such an amazing dark and (for me) disgusting story. everytime i finish reading a chapter i feel like im about to throw up. and i tell myself i will Never read the next chapter. and YET when the new chapters arrive i dive in like an eager child. i can not find words of praise worthy enough.This is by Far one of the best MLP.FIM fanfics out there.

  647. Bugsydor says:

    @VarMy first thoughts on why her coup was so swift and bloodless was that the author('s?) could avoid Nyx crossing anybody's moral event horizon. Looking at your idea, though, I've relegated mine to a secondary slot.

  648. Bugsydor says:

    @Pen StrokeYay! Now I have an actual shout out to add to the tropes page. I hope the Anon doesn't mind too much if I copypaste most of his words…

  649. Vulcan539 says:

    I cryed.This is probably one of the greatest bits of fanfic for MLP:FiM created

  650. Chetoos says:

    I really like how the story is progressing, with the book of Esther in the most recent update, and the graveyard scene from Harry Potter 4 in the prologue, and the more subtle references. I don't care what anypony says either, Nyx is who is currently leading the cult, NMM fell when the spell did, and now, anypony trying to resurrect NMM would just resurrect Nyx because that is who NMM is now, even though her mind has been twisted by Nexus

  651. Purple Prose says:

    Anypony want to take bets how long it'll be until Spell Nexus does something really stupid and end up getting vaporized?

  652. Anonymous says:

    This story has definitely brought out the man tears so far… Keep it up Pen Stroke!

  653. Var says:

    @BugysdorYeah, I figured that was a secondary reason. The delivery was quite elegant in that sense, making it so NMM is far from incorrigible, but rather than use it as justification to forgive her later it's used as the crux of NMM's internal conflict. And the Dr. Horrible music is perfect. In my mind, 2:44 is during the final scene where NMM rises 'standing up tall, regal and proud'… and the final bit of the song corresponds to the final line in the chapter.

  654. Daniel says:

    Just after reading the new chapters.Still a quagmire of errors. Pen Stroke, Batty Gloom, you are hereby assigned to read this ponychan thread and heed their grievances. The fic will be made better as a direct result.