[Crossover][Adventure] Pokemon!
Author: Fenix
Description: After an ancient spell from Twilight goes awry, Fluttershy finds herself in a new world of powerful creatures. Whilst Fluttershy struggles in the newfound world, Twilight is forced to leave Equestria to find the spell to bring her back. As Twilight and her friends journey through the outlands of Equestria, Fluttershy attempts to uncover what shadows lurk just beyond Hoenn's sight.
All Chapters After the Break!
equestriadaily 
Pokemons. In My My Little Pony?ilikewherethisisgoing.jpg
Haven't read it yet, but it's already awesome
im ok with this
Fluttershy will be a totally unfair trainer. Animals love her, so she can just convince a ton of them to follow her without pokeballs. She wouldn't feel right about trapping them. Then again, she wouldn't like pokemon battles either…
Hm. Well, this is an interesting start, but it could go either way from here. A couple of spelling/grammar problems here and there, like "shined" instead of "shone" (I keep seeing that – do Americans have trouble with irregular verbs or something?), and a couple of odd tense changes. Otherwise, not bad. I'd like to see what happens next.
@Tiroth Yep… Most of us do have problems with grammar. You should see my English class… -_-
@Tirothshine is not exactly an incorrect use.Here read this :http://motivatedgrammar.wordpress.com/2010/10/18/has-the-sun-shined-or-shone/
Seems cool. Ponymon needs to happen more…Fan-favorite Fluttershy taking the place of fan-favorite May is also kinda a little thing that seems to be going on here. Not bad in any way, though, just a bit of an observation on my part xPAlso, is Fluttershy weak against Dragon-types?~Dark~
Very good start. I love both MLP and Pokemon, so this will definitely be my cup of tea. Looking forward to more awesomeness 🙂
For those of us who have not memorized the anime or any of the human game characters, I must say that the first pokemon scene is very confusing and uninformative. Is Fluttershy suddenly human? Are the humans replaced with ponies this time round?Is that mare a rapidash? What continuity are we even following here?Grammar and tense need some work too.But, not a bad read. Just confusing and short.
I think once the next part is up, it'll be a little more exciting. At the moment it's a little too bland.
@AnonymousFluttershy isn't human, during that section it says "flank" and "raised a hoof".
I read the title out loud without looking at the picture and thought it would be an FMA crossover.
First pokemon scene is the same as the first thing that happens in Ruby/Sapphire: the main character is in the back of a moving truck, on the way to their new home in Hoenn. Also *spoiler!* the first person you see after exiting the truck is the player's mother. I sense an origin story coming on…
Man Twilight seems to be haveing many accidents with her spells in fan fiction doesnt she?
yusssssssss… (Napoleon Dynamite style)
Aside fromsome grammar errors an interesting start. Guess we'll find out soon if she's landed in the standard pokemon world or mystery dungeon pokemon world or something all together different.
So, sure, I can see this cross over working…exept…what does a pony say when they encounter a Ponyta? or even a Blitzle?I mean, I guess it could just ignored like how humans ignore the "human shaped" pokemon like Machoke and such, but…I dunno. It's hard to think of it from a Pony's perspective.
@Moonlight The historical parts were interesting, but the article actually agrees with me. 😛 It's probably one of those cases where one word can mean two things – the sun shining is something different from shoe shining, and shined is only really appropriate for the latter.
I'm glad some of you guys are liking it so far. This is my first attempt in writing fan-fiction, and it's been a few years since I've written prose so I'm a little rusty.I forgot to mention that there will be a couple background OCs, just to fill in for characters in the game. There will be a couple on Twilight's side as well. Nothing too major.
….this was really fast. I mean scary fast.
Why am I reminded of Generation 3 of Pokemon after reading the title?
@Anonymous Pokémon's 3rd generation is in the Hoenn region.(non-reply) I think Ruby/Spphire/Emerald is definitely the generation to do this with. I like the Johto (2nd generation, Gold/Silver/Crystal) story better, myself, but it's SO connected to the first generation (even before the 'Elite 4') it would very hard to mix something in.
Mmmm… I'm a little disappointed at the twist it took at the end. I was kinda hoping for Fluttershy to be zapped to THE pokemon world rather than the pokemon world with all humans swapped with ponies.I'm sorry. It's just, as cool as the concept of Ponies training Pokemon sounds on paper, I can't see much place it can go. If you replace the ponies with humans, then… where do you go? The only place I can see it going is a rehash of the already very limited story of pokemon, except modified for pony use.If you were to stick Fluttershy into the NORMAL pokemon world, with humans and all, then I can see a story budding. A trainer tries to catch her, befriends her after the token misunderstanding, and then takes her on a quest to meet with Professor Oak/Elm/Birch/Rowan/Juniper so that they can try and get her home, and all the while Team Rocket/Magma/Aqua/Galactic/Plasma is trying to kidnap Fluttershy and get their hands on this new, rare, talking pokemon, that perhaps can talk directly with other pokemon thanks to her special talent being animal communication. It would have a clear goal in mind, Clear antagonists with defined motivations, and a chance for lots of humor and adventure, and even some philosophy as Fluttershy observes the less savory aspects of pokemon (Cockfighting parallels, Slavery parallels, etc)As it is… I just have a hard time seeing it going anywhere more than a rehash of the already lacking pokemon storyline, perhaps with a variation on the "amnesiac hero" angle due to Fluttershy's lack of knowlegde with the world.Still, the story as it is is well written, and it's worth a read, and I'm waiting for chapter two… but I just am having a hard time seeing where could possibly go.
I'm going to be watching this story with interest.Also, concerning the picture that comes with the story it's nice to see that Fluttershy picked the best starter.
@AnonymousI understand your concern, but it won't be a simple re-telling. It may seem like it at first, but I can assure you I have something else for it in mind.
@FenixWell then, for now I'll take your word for it. If you actually have a plan in mind then that's good to hear. You have NO idea how many fanfictions I've seen started with no clear goal in mind that end in disaster.I'll be waiting to see where this goes then 🙂
As for me, I think it should be Rowan as the professor and Team Galatic trying to catch Flutter shy. She takes piplup as her starter and ends up beating syrus.
In the third line of paragraph five of page one, I think you're looking for thrive, not strive. To strive is to go for something with everything you have, but to thrive is to continue to successfully live in an area or condition. Good story either way.
@AnonymousThanks for catching that, it's been fixed now.
My comment above, about it being in the Sinnoh and all, is because I only have Pearl =(.
She'd make a much better Pokemon Ranger than a trainer
Yeah, but it makes more sense, since it connects more to the story. Also, we know the characters have been ponified because it says that she saw the face of a mare.
Yeah, but it makes more sense, since it connects more to the story. Also, we know the characters have been ponified because it says that she saw the face of a mare.
Which, if she does have a piplup and is a pokemon trainer, I'm toast(Spoiler: I have an infernape).
Huh… Now THIS is interesting… Congratulations, this fic has crossed from a basic crossover to something more intriguing. I'll definitely keep an eye on this.
Hmmm… Alright, big concerned guy from above with the long winded comment back for more. And I can see how you're deviating from the path of just replacing ponies into the story of Pokemon and rolling with it. Having Fluttershy gain Pokemon World Memories and lose her Equestria Memories is an interesting twist. I'm reminded of a recent Episode of Doctor Who when the Doctor and his companions were bounced between two worlds and they weren't sure which was the real world and which was a dream, as they had complete memories from both and both made sense to them in context. It was a very interesting episode and I can see how it might go here too… It's made especially better by intermittently cutting back to Twilight and company trying to deal with the problem.That said, there are a few nits I'd like to pick. First, if she's basically got her new memories set into the pokemon world, I'd expect her to understand the concept of a battle better. Since everybody has variations on a flat personality solely focused on battling in the pokemon world, you'd think she'd at least be up for a quick one if her self has been modified for Pokemon world use. Although to be fair, that's not a big issue, just a little inconsistency.The two nits I really want to dig at are with Twilight and company. One: Why don't they contact Princess Celestia? I don't think I saw anything that said they had tried to reach her. Wouldn't she have a better idea of the sort of thing that had happened and how to get her back? And even if she didn't wouldn't it make sense to at least ask? I mean, we have the Element of Kindness lost across the infinite void of alternate realities… I'd think that'd be kind of a big deal.Second, why are they so on board with Rainbow Dash going over to retrieve her? They already confirmed that it seemed like FLuttershy didn't remember Twilight or Equestria. Are they really so on board with giving another member of their party memory loss as well? Shouldn't they at least come up with a more solid plan first? Like a mind guard to block mind-altering effects or some sort of "pull the rope three times and we'll bring you back" deal before she goes at this all gung-ho?That said those are just nicks in what's a very solid core. You have my undivided attention now. Keep up the good work.
@AnonymousI'm glad you like it so far. I'll address some of the issues you have.1. Yes Fluttershy now has the normal protagonist's memory, but it didn't change her normal behavior. She's still a very sensitive person that abhors violence. That's why she had so much trouble fighting that urge.2. Princess Celestia comes later. Twilight only had a little time to prepare for the rest of the girls' arrivals and tried to find out the answers on her own. She's a smart girl.3. Rainbow Dash is the element of loyalty, and being friends with Fluttershy from when she was in Cloudsdale she wanted to make sure she was alright. Everyone is in panic mode at the moment and anything to help seemed like a good idea, also Rainbow's confidence in the plan rubbed off on them.Also you'll see what the effects of Rainbow Dash entering the world will be. I don't want to give too much away, but the deviation can only handle one outsider at a time per session.I hope that answered your questions and alleviates any concerns from anyone else.
This is great, badges totally boost the confidence animals who don't know you have in you.
WHY? WHY? Why Did You put the setting from the Newer Generation Pokemon Crap? I would've bothered reading it if it were based on Pokemon Red or Blue! I didn't even see Fluttershy having a rival that Oak keeps forgetting the name of!KEEP IT TO BULBASAURS, CHARMANDERS, AND SQUIRTLES!
@AnonymousThen don't read it. If you're going to complain about the generation of Pokemon this has, stop reading. Yes, gen 1 is great, but the story is 'Hoennshy', the picture has Fluttershy dressed up as May, she's in 3rd gen.Don't have a hissy fit if this story isn't in the generation of Pokemon you don't like. The generation doesn't affect the quality of the story/writing, so stop complaining.
@FlakThank you for that, Gen 3 was my first version i played… and i loved it, and still do. I really can't wait to read more of this!
Shame i dropped pokemon after gen 2..
Unfortunately, I only have Gen 4. So she would be going to Jubilife if it were my story. Aha! My Lightbulb just went off. I'll write a Pokemon crossover of my own, in gen 4!
Unfortunately, I only have Gen 4. So she would be going to Jubilife if it were my story. Aha! My Lightbulb just went off. I'll write a Pokemon crossover of my own, in gen 4!
Is she going to go through all of Hoenn? Like all the badges and elite 4 stuff?
Is she going to go through all of Hoenn? Like all the badges and elite 4 stuff?
@AnonymousI can't really give away anything, so my answer is a definitive maybe.
@AnonymousI can't really give away anything, so my answer is a definitive maybe.
If I found her in the cable club room, she would be so dead without a Gyarados. I'm assuming they have those in the Hoenn.
If I found her in the cable club room, she would be so dead without a Gyarados. I'm assuming they have those in the Hoenn.
How about rainbow becomes a third party, half protagonist, half antagonist. She picks the water type pokemon in Hoenn. My friend Connor told me about the fire type, Torchic, but I can't remeber the water type's name.
How about rainbow becomes a third party, half protagonist, half antagonist. She picks the water type pokemon in Hoenn. My friend Connor told me about the fire type, Torchic, but I can't remeber the water type's name.
@AnonymousReally?………so i herd you liek MUDKIPZ???
@AnonymousReally?………so i herd you liek MUDKIPZ???
Sorry, I have a fiery type of attitude, so I prefer Torchic, Charmander, Cyndaquil, Chimchar, and Tepig.
Sorry, I have a fiery type of attitude, so I prefer Torchic, Charmander, Cyndaquil, Chimchar, and Tepig.
@TirothNo, I'm American and I noticed the problem too.Anyways, this is a really good fanfic – looking forward to more!
@TirothNo, I'm American and I noticed the problem too.Anyways, this is a really good fanfic – looking forward to more!
One can only guess that with her friends there Fluttershy will manage to stay stabilized.Pinkie getting a Ditto would be interesting, she would name it Taffy or a Totodile name Gummy the second.Rainbow definitely needs a flying type or a fire type, if not a fighting type she tried has tried teaching Applebloom hoof-to-hoof after all.
One can only guess that with her friends there Fluttershy will manage to stay stabilized.Pinkie getting a Ditto would be interesting, she would name it Taffy or a Totodile name Gummy the second.Rainbow definitely needs a flying type or a fire type, if not a fighting type she tried has tried teaching Applebloom hoof-to-hoof after all.
Suddenly Alerce is a Turtwig? Nah, that's ridiculous. Seriously, though, what's going on with that?
Suddenly Alerce is a Turtwig? Nah, that's ridiculous. Seriously, though, what's going on with that?
Um, what?1) Treeckos don't evolve into Turtwigs.2) "Owloysius"? It took me at least fifteen seconds to figure out that you meant Owlicious.
Um, what?1) Treeckos don't evolve into Turtwigs.2) "Owloysius"? It took me at least fifteen seconds to figure out that you meant Owlicious.
Maybe the change to Turtwig is to go with the image with this post.Honestly I'm not exactly OK with that. I mean, personally I wouldn't alter the characters just to match an outside source. Plus Treecko>Turtwig hatersgonnahate.jpgThough I'm perfectly OK if Fluttershy gets a Poochyena later. Mightyena was a total bro in my Nuzlocke Emerald run.
Maybe the change to Turtwig is to go with the image with this post.Honestly I'm not exactly OK with that. I mean, personally I wouldn't alter the characters just to match an outside source. Plus Treecko>Turtwig hatersgonnahate.jpgThough I'm perfectly OK if Fluttershy gets a Poochyena later. Mightyena was a total bro in my Nuzlocke Emerald run.
@VFX KidAll will be explained later I can assure you. Have you noticed any other game events acting weirdly?It's supposed to be a mystery at this point.
@VFX KidAll will be explained later I can assure you. Have you noticed any other game events acting weirdly?It's supposed to be a mystery at this point.
What all this about a professor Grizwald? Please tell me that's an intentional reference. Also G3 FTW.
What all this about a professor Grizwald? Please tell me that's an intentional reference. Also G3 FTW.
@anonymousWoah. are you me from the future? because I'm doing a Nuzlocke run of emerald right now, and I have a Mightyena. Anyway, I;m still confused as to why alerce suddenly becomes a turtwig… well torterra is almost as good as sceptile, and really any grass starter would work. all of them are cool. unlike certain fire type starters *cough* tepig *cough* chimchar *cough*
@anonymousWoah. are you me from the future? because I'm doing a Nuzlocke run of emerald right now, and I have a Mightyena. Anyway, I;m still confused as to why alerce suddenly becomes a turtwig… well torterra is almost as good as sceptile, and really any grass starter would work. all of them are cool. unlike certain fire type starters *cough* tepig *cough* chimchar *cough*
@AnonymousIf you search for "Professor Grizwald" in Google you will find the one I'm referencing. Fun stuff.@AnonymousIt's natural to be confused, you're experiencing Fluttershy's confusion as this story is from her perspective.She'll understand at some point and so will everyone else.
@AnonymousIf you search for "Professor Grizwald" in Google you will find the one I'm referencing. Fun stuff.@AnonymousIt's natural to be confused, you're experiencing Fluttershy's confusion as this story is from her perspective.She'll understand at some point and so will everyone else.
@AnonymousI'm glad I'm not the only one who saw that there! I'm hoping that our friendly neighbourhood writer is a fellow Yognaut!
@AnonymousI'm glad I'm not the only one who saw that there! I'm hoping that our friendly neighbourhood writer is a fellow Yognaut!
My brain imploded… TWICE!
My brain imploded… TWICE!
@AnonymousThere may be a few more Yogscast references in the near future (There's at least one guaranteed). I'm sad that I started watching Simon and Lewis during the middle of Shadow of Israphel, but it was fun to catch up.
@AnonymousThere may be a few more Yogscast references in the near future (There's at least one guaranteed). I'm sad that I started watching Simon and Lewis during the middle of Shadow of Israphel, but it was fun to catch up.
Suddenly: TurtwigI hope you have an explanation for this in mind, because if not it's going to be kind of irritating. But still, I'm going to keep giving this story a chance.
Suddenly: TurtwigI hope you have an explanation for this in mind, because if not it's going to be kind of irritating. But still, I'm going to keep giving this story a chance.
I think you want lie, not lied. Lied means when someone was dishonest, but to lie means to be on a surface.
I think you want lie, not lied. Lied means when someone was dishonest, but to lie means to be on a surface.
And chimchar is the best starter, I'll have you know, so hold your tounge.
And chimchar is the best starter, I'll have you know, so hold your tounge.
@KyleBelieve me, there's an explanation to this. I know a lot of the in and outs of this story including the overarching plot.It'll be a while until everything is explained, but it will come.
@KyleBelieve me, there's an explanation to this. I know a lot of the in and outs of this story including the overarching plot.It'll be a while until everything is explained, but it will come.
IT'S PONYMON. A combination of my two favorite things. =DDDD
IT'S PONYMON. A combination of my two favorite things. =DDDD
@KyleIf there was no explanation for Alerce turning into a Turtwig except to have a Turtwig in the story, I would've made the grass starter Turtwig to begin with.If you can handle getting the answer for this with sprinkled hints in the coming chapters than right away you'll be fine. If you need the answer right away wait until it's finished before finding it out.It only gets crazier from here.
@KyleIf there was no explanation for Alerce turning into a Turtwig except to have a Turtwig in the story, I would've made the grass starter Turtwig to begin with.If you can handle getting the answer for this with sprinkled hints in the coming chapters than right away you'll be fine. If you need the answer right away wait until it's finished before finding it out.It only gets crazier from here.
SO I HEARD YOU LIEK MUDK- Oh, wait.
SO I HEARD YOU LIEK MUDK- Oh, wait.
lol i was doing a pic of fluttershy with alerce as a trekko but that change definitely surprise me o_Ocan't wait for the 4th chapter 🙂
@Clk300That sounds cool. You should finish it anyway.
I'm BAAAAAAACK!My only quandary with this past chapter is the Treecko becoming a Turtwig. It seemed its only purpose was to make it match the preview image but I guess you're probably going to try to make it into a plot point, aren't you? It's just a weird way to get it to match up is all, but if the plot that results is good I guess no harm no foul.Wild guess: Twilight's spell has caused some sort of dimensional collapse and now it's beginning to warp the fabric of reality causing random changes. Am I in the ballpark?I have to wonder a few other plot points, for example… why did Fluttershy end up with a pair of combating memories and Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie did not? What's so special about Fluttershy in this case?Also, Why does nobody seem to be reacting to Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie's nudity? I would think if they have the same comcepts of decency as the human/pokemon world they'd be arrested for exposure.I've also never heard of Gym battles having a set time before… then again, I suppose if one were to try and make the pokemon world at all realistic then there would have to be set appointments like that to keep things orderly… but then again, I'm trying to make a world with small yellow electric mice and wide eyed marshmallows that can put you to sleep realistic sooo… whatever goes I guess…I'm interested to see where you go from here. Keep up the good work. 🙂
@AnonymousOh hey, my best friend ever! How are you doing? It's time for some answers.About Turtwig: Someone or some thing knows about what happened and it is definitely related to the plot and the changes in the world that they are now in.About Twilight: The next chapter will explain something interesting about this. This isn't the first time this has happened.About the memories: No, Fluttershy didn't get Rainbow Dash's memories. She has her own and the ones provided to her by the world construct. The headaches and other ailments come from deviating from the set path, even though the set path is collapsing on itself. Do you remember fighting Norman right away? I don't, but Fluttershy has to.About the nudity: They just entered the restaurant in a quiet town. They're a lot like Fluttershy, very non-confrontational. I believe Norman and others in a major cities will be reacting quite fashionably to this egregious fashion error.About the gym timing: I created a Nuzlocke comic where I was trying to take a more realistic approach to the Pokemon world. One of those was the appointments which made its way to this fic.The next chapters are fun. I might do a double update, who knows?Hopefully this answered everything without giving too much away.
It would be cooler if she was also teleported to the Sinnoh and end up in Sandgem. Then she tackles it from Jubilife to Sunnyshore.
It would be cooler if she was also teleported to the Sinnoh and end up in Sandgem. Then she tackles it from Jubilife to Sunnyshore.
MORE! please write faster /)^3^(\
MORE! please write faster /)^3^(\
This is getting really good! I cant wait for the next chapter, Will Fluttershy participate in the first gymbattle? OOOHH The suspense is killing me!
This is getting really good! I cant wait for the next chapter, Will Fluttershy participate in the first gymbattle? OOOHH The suspense is killing me!
When does she catch her first pokemon? And when does she witness evolution?
When does she catch her first pokemon? And when does she witness evolution?
Wait… Pinkie Pie… IN HOENN?YOU DO NOT REALIZE THE FORCES YOU HAVE UNLEASHED. I have a feeling that Pinkie Pie will be the one to come up with a new trendy saying in Dewford.
Wait… Pinkie Pie… IN HOENN?YOU DO NOT REALIZE THE FORCES YOU HAVE UNLEASHED. I have a feeling that Pinkie Pie will be the one to come up with a new trendy saying in Dewford.
Chapter 4 has just been sent to Seth and is awaiting approval. The reason I'm writing this is to get practice with writing and any critiques of the way it was written or uses literary techniques would be insanely helpful.
Chapter 4 has just been sent to Seth and is awaiting approval. The reason I'm writing this is to get practice with writing and any critiques of the way it was written or uses literary techniques would be insanely helpful.
Why do I think there are references to the Yogscast here?Or is that just me? I've only read the 4th part, so…
Why do I think there are references to the Yogscast here?Or is that just me? I've only read the 4th part, so…
http://objection.mrdictionary.net/go.php?n=5076496Lawls i get why this is the photo though XD
http://objection.mrdictionary.net/go.php?n=5076496Lawls i get why this is the photo though XD
I object!http://objection.mrdictionary.net/go.php?n=5076536
I object!http://objection.mrdictionary.net/go.php?n=5076536
well so its 2 story's in one…… I was hoping to find out more on Fluttershy's end but Twilight's side is interesting to
well so its 2 story's in one…… I was hoping to find out more on Fluttershy's end but Twilight's side is interesting to
@AnonymousSorry, just had to.http://objection.mrdictionary.net/go.php?n=5076728
@AnonymousSorry, just had to.http://objection.mrdictionary.net/go.php?n=5076728
@AnonymousXDXDXDXDXDXDXD LAWLS i didnt think anyone would respond XD the only thing is i used Edgeworth XD
@AnonymousXDXDXDXDXDXDXD LAWLS i didnt think anyone would respond XD the only thing is i used Edgeworth XD
oh wow i Didn't realize there is TWO RESPONSES XD
oh wow i Didn't realize there is TWO RESPONSES XD
More fans then i thought Lawls
More fans then i thought Lawls
Jerkass Luna….YES!
Jerkass Luna….YES!
@Anonymoushttp://objection.mrdictionary.net/go.php?n=5076847
@Anonymoushttp://objection.mrdictionary.net/go.php?n=5076847
@Anonymoushttp://objection.mrdictionary.net/go.php?n=5076863
@Anonymoushttp://objection.mrdictionary.net/go.php?n=5076863
@VFX Kidhttp://objection.mrdictionary.net/go.php?n=5076890
@VFX Kidhttp://objection.mrdictionary.net/go.php?n=5076890
Oh god, with all these comments you would think this was a Phoenix Wright crossover!@Urimas EbonheartThe next chapter is all Fluttershy. The plan this chapter was to have both Twilight and Fluttershy's side, but after fourteen pages it wasn't possible.@AnonymousYes, both Grizwald and Mistral City are Yogscast references.@AnonymousI'm glad you like my interpretation of her.
Oh god, with all these comments you would think this was a Phoenix Wright crossover!@Urimas EbonheartThe next chapter is all Fluttershy. The plan this chapter was to have both Twilight and Fluttershy's side, but after fourteen pages it wasn't possible.@AnonymousYes, both Grizwald and Mistral City are Yogscast references.@AnonymousI'm glad you like my interpretation of her.
@FenixLawls i know when i use Objection… well this is what happens XD
@FenixLawls i know when i use Objection… well this is what happens XD
I want to read this but I keep having to look up pokemon names, I only know a few by hart. I have the same problem with Digimon Fanfiction…..now I want to see that crossover
I want to read this but I keep having to look up pokemon names, I only know a few by hart. I have the same problem with Digimon Fanfiction…..now I want to see that crossover
@Anonymoushttp://objection.mrdictionary.net/go.php?n=5077090
@Anonymoushttp://objection.mrdictionary.net/go.php?n=5077090
@VFX Kidhttp://objection.mrdictionary.net/go.php?n=5077132
@VFX Kidhttp://objection.mrdictionary.net/go.php?n=5077132
http://objection.mrdictionary.net/go.php?n=5077162
http://objection.mrdictionary.net/go.php?n=5077162
EEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYi knew IIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT YOU WERE PLANING SOMETHING NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGG XD
EEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYi knew IIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT YOU WERE PLANING SOMETHING NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGG XD
A point where time and space converge, smells like the time/space duo are set to appear down the line.I'm liking where this is heading and I gotta agree an appointment system would make alot of sense. Particularly since there's at least 1 or 2 gym leaders per game(happens more often in the show) that aren't at their gym for when you first arrive.
A point where time and space converge, smells like the time/space duo are set to appear down the line.I'm liking where this is heading and I gotta agree an appointment system would make alot of sense. Particularly since there's at least 1 or 2 gym leaders per game(happens more often in the show) that aren't at their gym for when you first arrive.
Well… if Luna REALLY wants to find out why her "subjects" feared and hated her… she need only listen to herself. Seriously.That, and the "Equestria would have DIED" angle put quite a dent into her popularity…Heh, for all her supernatural perception, she doesn't have much insight!
Well… if Luna REALLY wants to find out why her "subjects" feared and hated her… she need only listen to herself. Seriously.That, and the "Equestria would have DIED" angle put quite a dent into her popularity…Heh, for all her supernatural perception, she doesn't have much insight!
SpoilersChapter 4 isn't bad, but at the end everything just happens to fast. Luna finds out some pages of a book are missing, grabs a map, tells them about Ventia, summons their Elements and teleports them to a guest room in what feels like a couple of seconds, maybe a minute. They hardly get word in. That could do with some fleshing out in my opinion.
SpoilersChapter 4 isn't bad, but at the end everything just happens to fast. Luna finds out some pages of a book are missing, grabs a map, tells them about Ventia, summons their Elements and teleports them to a guest room in what feels like a couple of seconds, maybe a minute. They hardly get word in. That could do with some fleshing out in my opinion.
@AnonymousAs you noticed she can be very emotional and forget simple things like "don't shake the library so heavy books don't fall on innocent ponies."@BareeThanks for the critique. I don't really know why I rushed that part, maybe because the chapter was getting very long and I thought I was being long-winded. It used to be shorter before it went to my editor, so that was already pointed out as a problem.I'll probably lengthen it for the chapter five update if it isn't taboo for online writers to do that. At least I'm not sure if it is.
@AnonymousAs you noticed she can be very emotional and forget simple things like "don't shake the library so heavy books don't fall on innocent ponies."@BareeThanks for the critique. I don't really know why I rushed that part, maybe because the chapter was getting very long and I thought I was being long-winded. It used to be shorter before it went to my editor, so that was already pointed out as a problem.I'll probably lengthen it for the chapter five update if it isn't taboo for online writers to do that. At least I'm not sure if it is.
@FenixOkay, so I went in and fixed the Luna section and a few other parts. The fix is over at this address while I wait for chapter five to bug Seth about updating it: https://docs.google.com/document/d/11dtTZrnLolpg363nbiiJ3FVkI5-gAIxewc2Ob19fz7c/edit?hl=en_USThe link is also in chapter 4 itself just in-case. Next time I won't rush the chapter out, I promise.
@FenixOkay, so I went in and fixed the Luna section and a few other parts. The fix is over at this address while I wait for chapter five to bug Seth about updating it: https://docs.google.com/document/d/11dtTZrnLolpg363nbiiJ3FVkI5-gAIxewc2Ob19fz7c/edit?hl=en_USThe link is also in chapter 4 itself just in-case. Next time I won't rush the chapter out, I promise.
@FenixSome grammar and tense issues with the added parts, but overall its definitely an improvement in my opinion.
@BareeI'm glad that it works better. I'll fix the other small issues and call it a chapter.
What happened to Flutteshy, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie? There wasn't a word that told what happened to them!
I honestly would have loved it if they turned human (to be accurate with the pokemon series)but this dosent disapoint
Dear Fenix,Thank you for making such a well done Pokemon/FiM crossover. We all appreciate the effort you put out for the community. Thank you for giving us updates and for replying to our numerous comments. You, sir or ma'am, know how to treat your readers.Also, Arcanine. Jus' Saiyan.Your faithful reader,Minonan
The revisions on chapter 2 are nearly complete. I know I said they were done last time, but I thought it would have been finished sooner. Chapter 2 was a disaster. I'm half-way through writing chapter 7, so once everything is done I'll release it as one giant package so people have more to read at once. Everything should start to make more sense once these go live.The word 'lay' should be banned from the English language. Just saying.@AnonymousMinonan, I can't thank you enough for this. I've never started a project of this magnitude, and for someone to let me know that I'm doing things correctly and appreciates what I'm doing warms my heart. I'm trying my hardest between all my other responsibilities to make this a success, and every comment I get pushes me farther….that has to be the soppiest thing I've ever written. Oh well, it felt good. Thank you all for being so patient with this. I want to give you all the greatest I can offer.Also the surprise is about half-finished. I should have it ready near chapter ten. Don't quote me on this, I'm going to be very busy come a few weeks.TL:DR – You guys are awesome and I'm sorry for taking so long to update. Things are in the works. Also I comment too much and bloat the comment count. Such a chatterbox.
Doctor Whooves?Oh the many places he travels to.
I know there are very little who are reading this since it hasn't updated in weeks, but I have some news. I have a new Google account in which to post and give answers to questions. My mail is fenix.pony@gmail.com if you want to contact me directly. If that wasn't big enough news, I have one better.The updates to chapters one through five are finally live. I put them up just a few minutes ago on Google Docs, so they should be good to go from the links up top. They aren't yet on FiMFiction. Those may take a while. It's been a while since I've used their editor, so we'll have to see.Version 1.01 of Hoennshy Chapters 1 – 5 Change Doc:Chapter 1:- Fixed an egregious amount of mistakes in prose and grammar.- Fixed the word 'lay' and 'lie', also 'shone'.- Fixed the run-on sentence problem.- Created more thought and tension into the teleport scene.Chapter 2:- Fixed grammar and run-on sentence problems.- A certain brown stallion should be speaking as he should.- Created more apprehension in Twilight about transporting Rainbow Dash.- Fixed typos.Chapter 3:- Fixed grammar and run-on sentence problems.Chapter 4:- Fixed grammar and run-on sentence problems.- Fixed Luna's ranting.Chapter 5:- Fixed typos and grammar problems.- Made it easier to discern that Fluttershy has a vision when seeing May's spirit.With that, everything should be fixed. I'm still a little ways in finishing chapter seven, so it will still be a few days. After chapter eleven I will be bringing out the surprise. There are spoilers, so I don't want to release it too early.Now I'm going to go drink. I hope everything is better for reading now.TL;DR: I fixed everything, now read it. Also e-mail me, I tend to ramble.
Yay! A new message from Fenix! Have a shot of whiskey for me. Shine on, you crazy writer.-MinonanP.S. Now we just need more info about chapters 6 and 7.
YES! Just half an hour ago I was looking at this story and thought "huh, this could really use an update right about now". And two chapters! There goes my plan to sleep before 1 AM.
>After an ancient spell from Twilight goes awryWHAT THE HELL TWILIGHT, AGAIN?
It's nice to see a 'Twilight screwed up a spell and sent someone to another universe, dimension, whatever', that did not have anything to do with an actual teleportation spell. Sure, they're still good stories (usually) but they always seem to start with a long distance teleportation spell going wrong.
>Twilight, Rarity and Applejack fighting for their lives against griffinswat.
@AnonymousI'm sorry but that consept of yours just sound like something from Disney Channel. It's been used loads of times before.
>City of the damnedfuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
Fluttershy, send poochyena, not alerce. Grass types are weak against fire types.
I'm BACK AGAIN!Well, I come back from vacation to find what? FOUR NEW CHAPTERS have been made while I was in Canada!Welp, best hop, skip and jump to it then.Unfortunately I don't exactly have much in the way of space to comment on everything I see in these chapters like I did for the first three, but I will say that the quality of writing has improved dramatically since the beginning in terms of grammar, and how carefully you stay true to characters and logical scenarios. Kudos to you on that. At times, though, it can still get a little confusing. One particular time I found confusing was during and right after the battle with Norman. At times it was a little hard to tell who was talking or what was going on. Still, after rereading it a few times I managed to figure it out, but it may be in best interest to add a little more description and/or clarification as to exactly what's happening or who's talking at times.But that's just a small complaint, and as I said, after a little rereading I managed to clear everything up myself, so no harm done.My only really big complaint is that it seems at this point like you're trying to write two stories at once, and they seem to clash with each other. THere's the ponymon (I'm calling it ponymon now) world story and there's the story following Twilight, Applejack, and Rarity. THey don't exactly mesh very well is the thing. THey're two very different stories with very different tones and goals in mind. THe one in the ponymon world is lighthearted, comedic at times and holds an air of mystery to it given the decaying timeline, while the other is more of an adventure story with a hint of almost grimdark to it. And switching back and forth between them gets a little jarring, even between chapters. What would be good is to show a greater blending between these two chapters. Something like, I dunno, glyphs on walls in Twilight's world shaped like Unown or a legend of "the three great dogs" among the townsfolk of Wheatown, or maybe a reference to a mutant genetic cat creature or something. Meanwhile in the ponymon world there could be reference on the TV to "unknown pokemon that look like small bugs that eat everything in sight." or somethingMy point is at the moment what's going on feels like the two stories are too separate from one another and it might be a good idea to connect the two. Not to say the two stories aren't good, just… very different from one another.Anyway, glad to be back and reading it. It's getting very interesting. 🙂
@AnonymousI'm glad you like the change. Twilight would never screw up a simple spell, only one that even the celestial sisters have trouble mastering.@AnonymousBut how will Alerce learn any grass moves if he doesn't fight Igni?@AnonymousMy friend! It's been too long. I hope you're doing well.I'm happy that my grammar and style has been improving. This is the first thing I've really written in years, and the only novel length story I've ever done. I'm glad it's working out.Now, what I really want to focus on is your comment about the "two separate stories". As of now, they are supposed to be very different in tone. Fluttershy is exploring a world where new creatures are thrust upon her. As an animal lover, it fascinates her. Twilight, on the other hand, is lamenting over the temporary loss of her friends and the burden she has to overcome. After a while in the story, the tones will be closer together, but the balance will still exist: Fluttershy's will still be more light-hearted, but painful at times, while Twilight's arc will continue to show the harsh reality of outside Equestria's borders and her learning of the sacrifices you make for your true friends.How grimdark each side will get will be no more than a Disney movie, except for a little bit of blood. Granted an older one, but it won't ever need the tag. I wanted to create the feel of the novel "Game of Thrones", a book that jumps to other characters and their arcs, but no matter how far away they are from each other character, their arcs are linked all the same.I could not tell this story without Twilight's arc. Soon enough there will be answers to questions that I posed throughout the first chapters, and things will arise that prove the connection. The bleeding of the Pokémon world and Twilight's world only shows itself in Mistral City where the two worlds are linked. Where as Luna said, "It’s where space and time converge in this world,". There's a reason for that, but that is to be explained later.This is still, unfortunately, still in its infancy. Major events haven't occurred yet except for the initial trip. I was afraid that the split may have been too much, but I feel it adds to the experience. If I never cut to Twilight, there would be no way for the reader to know how Fluttershy is meant to come home.All in due time. This is a long one.
For your infromation, fenix, Poochyena is a wild pokemon while Alerce has been trained beforehand. Furthermore, most normal pokemon with big teeth need to learn one basic dark type move: Bite. Poochyena fits in this catergory.
@AnonymousYes, Poochyena needs a dark move, but I wouldn't call Alerce "trained beforehand". If you consider being punched in the face training, then Alerce is an expert. He would basically still be level five in-game.
Of course, if Norman had chosen Mudkip…
Plus alerce was straight from the proffesors lab so poochyena needs training. Besides, if alerce knows withdrawl, she should already know some grass moves.
I feel as though everyone one could be in character a little better
@AnonymousI am working on it. I've never done something like this before, so there are still lots of bugs to get out of the system. Hopefully that gets ironed out sooner rather than later.Now where did I put my pony marathon repeat…
This comment has been removed by the author.
Was that a Yogscast reference I spied?Epic brohoof for you, sir.
Ponies and Pokemon. OMG. What if they see a Ponyta?
I swear if i had a penny for every time twilight's spells failed…
So what level is Alerce now?
@UnknownDeleted, huh? Must've been risque… ;)@d4e0dafe-bf3d-11e0-9d27-000f20980440Yes sir it was. I'd bro-hoof you back, but I have no hooves and I am on the internet. You are one crazy man.@AnonymousThat would be quite weird I would imagine. I'm sure it will be like Twilight's mice horses: met with much confusion.@RauzuI'll PayPal you a penny if you wish. At least with this spell, even the alicorns can screw them up it's so advanced.@AnonymousJudging that Alerce had to have turned level 9 in the fight against Roxanne because of Absorb, I would have to say level 11. I don't know really since I don't keep track of in-game levels.I'm really surprised that there were no comments at all about corrupt Fluttershy. If you guys can handle this, I guess you can handle all the darker, sadder things that are coming VERY SOON.Also I'm taking the week off since school is starting up again. After that, I'll be working on chapters nine and ten.