Story: Brave New World (Update Part 8!)

[Normal] More Humanized pony stuff for those of you who are interested in it! 

Author: Phoenix

Description: It’s just another school day for Twilight and her friends…or is it? When Pinkie Pie starts claiming that they aren’t what they’re supposed to be, everyone initially chalks it up to being just another bit of Pinkie’s wierdness. They will soon come to find out that things aren’t always what they appear to be.

Brave New World Chapter 1
Brave New World Chapter 2
Brave New World Chapter 3 
Brave New World Chapter 4
Brave New World Chapter 5
Brave New World Chapter 6
Brave New World Chapter 7
Brave New World Chapter 8 (New!)

Additional Tags: Alternate World, Suspense, Comedy, Adventure, Slice-of-Life

This entry was posted in Author: Phoenix, Everypony, Human, Incomplete, Normal, Star-4, Story. Bookmark the permalink.

83 Responses to Story: Brave New World (Update Part 8!)

  1. NinesTempest says:

    >Why did you reference Huxley why

  2. Anonymous says:

    So I wasn't the only one who thought of Huxley when I read this post…

  3. Anonymous says:

    Just started. First impression: Interesting concept. Let's see where this goes! 🙂

  4. Mami Tomoe says:

    I'm not in the mood to read fanfics, but the picture… Is this a Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magica parody? (Sayaka-Dash goes well… But Rarity will sure have a bad fate against Pinkie-Charlotte…)

  5. Zarkanorf says:

    @NinesTempestThis. Man, I know it's a famous work and all, but… :c

  6. NinesTempest says:

    I might be cool with it if it was about a dystopiabut man it's ponies as humans in high school

  7. Pseudo Faux says:

    OF COURSE. Of course it would be Pinkie Pie to realize something was off! I need more of this, stat!

  8. Kyle says:

    Oh man… Poor Pinkie…I'm definitely putting this on my watch list. Normally "The cast as humans omg" thing doesn't work, but in this case the girls still feel like themselves. Just, y'know, with fingers.

  9. Anonymous says:

    This is interesting, some of the scenes seem slightly rushed, like the author is impatient to get them out of the way (the last scene with Twilight felt that way especially).

  10. NinesTempest says:

    Well that was interesting so far. The idea of these dissociated memories is cool and all, but… well, with a regular human world, it seems hard to tell where it might be going.I don't think there's much rushing going on. The pacing is fine, mechanically, until the very end, just after the Twilight scene. Actually, I think most of the scenes with just Pinkie Pie feel kind of rushed, but eh.Regardless, this is… fine, for the subject matter. But it's hard to stay intersted, for me anyway.

  11. Thattagen says:

    Hmm, I found this pretty interesting. Poor Pinkie, everyone thinks she's crazy.I smiled when the guys stood up for Rarity. She is the best pony, after all.Also, I wonder how many readers get violent flashbacks whenever Pinkie locks a door behind her and scans the room?

  12. ruff1298 says:

    Interesting concept. The whole thing didn't get interesting till I reached chapter 2, but I'd really like to see where this whole thing goes.Interesting Pony-Human conversion. Though the school thing serves more as a cohesive device than an actual plot device, I am interested with how this goes, especially with how many resources and free-thinking minds they have here. The explanation of the close-knit nature of the groups was decent, too. Also, for some reason, I am pleasantly surprised that your school system roughly follows the one in my country.Your descriptions are a tad too impersonal. For some entertainment, would you kindly add thoughts in between the plain descriptions? Like Rarity making a comment on the fashion disaster that Pinkie is wearing like "So dry." or "Well… that certainly was an interesting ensemble." I don't really know at these point, sorry.I like the backgrounds you gave them, especially with Fluttershy's incredibly mysterious story. I didn't like how you did not add in Pinkie's story which would most likely be well known, as she is the local crazy and party planner.The dialogue was mostly bland, but serviceable, but you had some real gems with Granny Smith's mentioning of "fine gentlemen" at her party and Mack's saying that he was neither an apple nor a product of Mr. Jobs. The latter was particularly clever.Pinkie Pie's feeling lost at the whole thing draws me in. I'd love to see it, when this whole artificial memories comes back to the rest of them. Seeing the mane six crack again would be lovely.On a bit of Wild Mass Guessing, is Fluttershy hyper-aware of this situation? Her lack of a background and her shyness may be from her intentionally keeping her involvement as much of a secret as possible.PS. Ditzy Doo Door or Dorm Delivery Service, please.

  13. Darth Equus says:

    Zecora for the school nurse, plz.

  14. Andrew says:

    A great fanfiction indeedlit.

  15. Anonymous says:

    That crossover picture is horrifying and brilliant at the same time.

  16. Anonymous says:

    Love the Madoka Picture :A

  17. Lucky Sanity says:

    Haven't read the story yet butMY CELESTIA ANOTHER PUELLA MAGI CROSSOVERThough I would like it if Madoka was Twilight while Homura is Luna/obviouslyCelstiaisQB/FineI'llgoreadthatfanficoverthere

  18. Anonymous says:

    Human ponies? DO NOT WANT!

  19. Anonymous says:

    Man, this is great stuff 😀 I can't wait to see the rest of it!…But how the heck do I join? I can't see a "Register" button anywhere!! (So close yet so far "sniffle*)

  20. This comment has been removed by the author.

  21. Story author checking in here. Thank you all for such a warm reception! I have to admit, I was a bit nervous about putting it out there, but I'm glad I did.I noticed a few people mentioned that certain scenes felt rushed. That is wonderfully useful feedback. My intention with those scenes was to make the reader feel the sense of panic that Pinkie Pie was feeling as all of these strange memories came flooding back to her. This was the first time I ever tried using this approach, and it shows that I do need to work on my execution of this approach in the future.I like the suggestions for character placements, as well (such as Zecora for the school nurse), and I will definitely take them into consideration as the story unfolds. I may give some of them more "human" names, though. Even the mane six technically have human names, but use their pony names as nicknames. I was originally just going to call them by human names, but I thought that would be a bit confusing. I was able to get away with Cherrilee because I'm seen "Cherri" used IRL as an alternate spelling for "Shery", "Sherry", "Sherri", etc.As for the future of this story: I'm currently plotting out chapter 3. These two chapters were basically painted in my mind from the get-go, which may be a good thing and a bad thing.

  22. Anonymous says:

    Fun stuff so far, looking forward to some more slice of life and more plot.

  23. ToonNinja says:

    Color me intrigued. I'll have to keep an eye on this story.

  24. @NinesTempestI meant to ask this earlier: what is Huxley?

  25. NinesTempest says:

    @FlameLordPhoenixAre you joking?He's the author of Brave New World, often considered the opposite-possible-dystopia when compared to Orwell's 1984.

  26. invinible says:

    It seems to me that Equestria, itself, might of been a highly potential problem to some major bad guy so they simply turned the place into something that they didn't think would be a threat.

  27. @NinesTempestHuh. I'll have to make it a point to read that. I was actually making a reference the Iron Maiden album of the same name. ohgodpleasedonthurtme

  28. NinesTempest says:

    @FlameLordPhoenixWell you can take a guess as to WHO they were referencing…>this is why if I make media-related references I just take lyrics, titles are too obvious

  29. @NinesTempestI'm honestly surprised that I haven't seen that reference pointed out before. If I had, I would have known about the novel's existence well before now. I really need to make friends with more fellow readers. The few that I currently associate with read basically the same type of material that I do, so I get very little variation in suggestions.If you have any other novels to suggest, please feel free to. I haven't been able to sit down and really read (or write for that matter) since I started graduate school. Now that I've completed my degree, I would like to make up for lost time. I can give you my e-mail address if you think that would be a more appropriate medium for discussing reading material.

  30. SomeGuy says:

    THis is an interesting take on the whole human-ponies idea. I will be looking forward to seeing how it develops. Some parts did feel a little rushed but it did help (as you said) to involve the reader in the same sense of panic and confusion Pinkie was having.

  31. Ddude28 says:

    This is amazing. I NEED to know what happens next.

  32. Anonymous says:

    Am I the only one put of by just the whole way the school seems to work?The uniforms, the dorm rooms and all that… instead of being brought into the real world or a reflection of the real world it feels more like they were brought into a cheesy high school drama anime.I dunno. I've never been a fan of anime and this is all just personal pet peeves. The rest ws interesting but… it's all just nagging at me. To me, half the fun of humanizing the ponies is coming up with clothes for them and we've stuck them in Japanese school uniforms…

  33. MintyRest says:

    I'm forced to feel there's a level of 'Magic, deal with it' going on. Especially with the mild mention to Tirek in chapter one.Adding disassociative Pinkie is a very nice touch and I wonder if she as a human had the same or similar 'imaginary' friends to help her along. I'm fairly interested as there is clearly something going on and people think Pinkie is crazy because of it.

  34. BrawlerGamma says:

    I like it. Quite interresting plot.Does anyone else have trouble visualizing this as anything but an anime? Maybe it's just cuz I watch quite a few anime, but something about the general feel of the narrative gives it a sort of anime feel. The unnatural hair colors, school setting, and Pinkie– er, exposing herself… don't help oppose the notion at all either.

  35. Anonymous says:

    @BrawlerGammaI have that trouble myself… and since I actually don't really like most anime that really kinda bugs me.

  36. The inspiration for the school came from a couple of different areas. The whole idea of a private school with uniforms was inspired by the fact that I pass several private schools on my way to work everyday, and the students are required to wear uniforms. Whether or not they're boarding schools I can't say, but I've always liked the idea of boarding school, so I guess it was a bit self-indulgent. Now, the class structure (students stay and teachers switch out) was inspired by the Japanese school system.

  37. Anonymous says:

    Doctor Whooves shows up as David TennantDerpy shows up as Billie Piper with Derped eyesMake this happen. Even just in passing it needds to be done. 😀

  38. My oh my, Phoenix. I really enjoyed this. I'm not one to see flaws so quickly, though(except spelling and grammar flaws, which you had little of), which is a blessing for me, since I can enjoy a lot of fics that way.Anyway, I hope you add more chapters soon. That would really make my soul orgasm.

  39. NinesTempest says:

    Honesty, cupcakes isn't very good.Read Severing or Schmautz if you want good Grimdark.

  40. ToonNinja says:

    Chapter 4 didn't seem to add much. Also, grammar errors are definitely cropping up here and there. Still, you added Derpy, so I naturally can't stay mad at you.

  41. Eclipse says:

    An interesting read. I cannot wait to see where this will go. Although the Japanese theme is definitely a turn off for me.

  42. Anonymous says:

    Just read it all.Interesting concept, FAR too much language spent describing irrelevant details (There were four building with four floors, each with 20 rooms… and Dash fell asleep where she was standing she was so bored) and trying to shoehorn in your world building. The name choices are… scattered. Perryville is fine, but Taraiku? Unless it's meant to allude to the eventual reveal that the mane cast was universe swapped by a malevolent Pokemon trainer, it really seems like sounding Japanese for the sake of sounding Japanese.Some other positives are that the girls aren't "Oh yes, okay, I bet it was Trixie!" and that you seem to have taken the time to outline (since there's so much you want to tell us about this universe.) I'm looking forward to seeing how you evolve as an author.

  43. Pseudo Faux says:

    Grimdark makes me laugh. Irrelevent comments aside.I am seriously enjoying this. With the opening to the third chapter, I feel like now is a good time to claim Twilight's gonna start reliving memories of her pony life before suddenly everything went wtfhuman, and it'll slowly start to drive her mad. This will lead to the rest of the mane 6 to start seeing ponies, leading to some grand adventure in which it was Celestia all along (or Luna [In this case now Nightmare Moon] who Celestia then banished and is now coming back to dethrone her via propaganda) The mane six then have to go on some grand adventure to track down Nightmare through a temporal rift to regain their ponydom and save all of Equestria!Or you know, Pinkamena shows up and tries to gnaw on Dash's head in a fit of delirium. Actually, I want this to happen, her feverish state alludes to something totally random about to happen.

  44. Thank you all for your comments, support, and suggestions! I'm not sure if I previously mentioned this or not, but this is my first time actually trying to write a story like this. I generally stick to the fantasy/sci-fi genre, but I decided that over the course of the summer I was going to challenge myself to write stories that are outside of my comfort zone. Granted, there is an obvious sci-fi element to this story, but it is much more subtle than what I usually write. To be more clear: my sci-fi stories typically revolve around space travel, space combat, etc. I'm constantly second-guessing myself with this story, and I really do fret over how each chapter will be received, so getting positive comments and constructive criticism has been very motivating.If anyone out there would be interested in acting as a proofreader for me, please let me know. I only have one person who I would feel safe asking in real life, and he despises my infatuation with this series, so asking him to proof a MLP fanfic would be out of the question. It would be really beneficial to have someone to check for missed errors, and I also would like to have someone to bounce ideas off of when need be.

  45. fieryShaman says:

    Excellent story so far.I'm eager to see what Twilight and Dash's 'Hallucination' indicates.My back started to itch when Felicia's scars were described… I think I need to stop perusing ponies, particularly Pegasi,prior to sleep…

  46. fieryShaman says:

    Excellent story so far.I'm eager to see what Twilight and Dash's 'Hallucination' indicates.My back started to itch when Felicia's scars were described… I think I need to stop perusing ponies, particularly Pegasi,prior to sleep…

  47. Cameron says:

    When I read the title I got excited and then I read the synopsis and sadfaced.

  48. Cameron says:

    When I read the title I got excited and then I read the synopsis and sadfaced.

  49. Shiko says:

    Isn't there a human tag for stuff like that?

  50. Shiko says:

    Isn't there a human tag for stuff like that?

  51. Minalkra says:

    i liked it, uhm, most of it. Pinkie's initial reaction to humanification was very well done, humorous and entirely in character for her. but some of what others said applies. it reads anime-ish in some places. like, otaku-style anime-ish. Taraiku? nations tend to be named after tribes/tribal nations and the like. please explain this Taraiku, even in the comments. as someone pointed out, it sounds vaguely Japanese for the sake of sounding vaguely Japanese. uhm, if that's ok with you i mean.boarding schools. it's a … way of forcing various temperamental personalities to co-exist but it's not necessarily a good way. still, it's what you chose and the feeling you wanted to give the world, so i can't argue. though i've always thought of the mane 6 as college age rather than high schoolers.a slight nitpick. Fluttershy's scene. this is SPOILERY, so don't read if you don't want SPOILERS. Steve. ok, so a boy asks a girl out. now, it's obvious he's too forceful there and her body signals should have been a clue to him to back off. but social ineptness is not confined to females. anyway, his friend Brian, states he finally 'worked the nerve' up to ask Fluttershy out. that doesn't seem to me to necessarily be 'immanent rape' as it seems to be implied. so Rarity's reaction was a bit over-enthusiastic. now, further on in the story, Fluttershy's reaction is explained and all but still, the venom that Rarity shows seems out of character. it might have read better if you worked Rarity up into the frothing rage because as it stands, i feel she's over reacting. unless she has an unrequited crush on Fluttershy. but that's not a pairing i think of when i read. yes, Flutteshy is not reciprocating the guy's attentions and, as Rarity and him talk, it's clear his intent was not necessarily honorable (and i'm glad Rarity is there as Flutterape is one of my major 'do not want/cannot handle' moments), but it's not well defined in the beginning. it just seems, uhm, not all that well handled. sorry. also, Fluttershy is my favorite and, as much as the reasons behind her … actions are grim and make me want to cry, they're well thought out and i shudder in fear and anticipation to find out more.poor Fluttershy. 😦 SPOILERS ENDaside from the, uhm, kinda clichéd setting and that one thing, i like it. i'm glad to see a 'Ponies as Human' story done this well. i don't normally go for these stories but i'll try to keep an eye on this one. sorry if i upset you.

  52. Minalkra says:

    i liked it, uhm, most of it. Pinkie's initial reaction to humanification was very well done, humorous and entirely in character for her. but some of what others said applies. it reads anime-ish in some places. like, otaku-style anime-ish. Taraiku? nations tend to be named after tribes/tribal nations and the like. please explain this Taraiku, even in the comments. as someone pointed out, it sounds vaguely Japanese for the sake of sounding vaguely Japanese. uhm, if that's ok with you i mean.boarding schools. it's a … way of forcing various temperamental personalities to co-exist but it's not necessarily a good way. still, it's what you chose and the feeling you wanted to give the world, so i can't argue. though i've always thought of the mane 6 as college age rather than high schoolers.a slight nitpick. Fluttershy's scene. this is SPOILERY, so don't read if you don't want SPOILERS. Steve. ok, so a boy asks a girl out. now, it's obvious he's too forceful there and her body signals should have been a clue to him to back off. but social ineptness is not confined to females. anyway, his friend Brian, states he finally 'worked the nerve' up to ask Fluttershy out. that doesn't seem to me to necessarily be 'immanent rape' as it seems to be implied. so Rarity's reaction was a bit over-enthusiastic. now, further on in the story, Fluttershy's reaction is explained and all but still, the venom that Rarity shows seems out of character. it might have read better if you worked Rarity up into the frothing rage because as it stands, i feel she's over reacting. unless she has an unrequited crush on Fluttershy. but that's not a pairing i think of when i read. yes, Flutteshy is not reciprocating the guy's attentions and, as Rarity and him talk, it's clear his intent was not necessarily honorable (and i'm glad Rarity is there as Flutterape is one of my major 'do not want/cannot handle' moments), but it's not well defined in the beginning. it just seems, uhm, not all that well handled. sorry. also, Fluttershy is my favorite and, as much as the reasons behind her … actions are grim and make me want to cry, they're well thought out and i shudder in fear and anticipation to find out more.poor Fluttershy. 😦 SPOILERS ENDaside from the, uhm, kinda clichéd setting and that one thing, i like it. i'm glad to see a 'Ponies as Human' story done this well. i don't normally go for these stories but i'll try to keep an eye on this one. sorry if i upset you.

  53. Anonymous says:

    I dont know if I'm thinking of this story or a different one, but I thought twilight did have a young friend who she called spike. I know that there was a pony-human story that's did have twilight and spike this looks exactly the same to me, so I'm wondering what fic I was reading that had that

  54. Anonymous says:

    I dont know if I'm thinking of this story or a different one, but I thought twilight did have a young friend who she called spike. I know that there was a pony-human story that's did have twilight and spike this looks exactly the same to me, so I'm wondering what fic I was reading that had that

  55. @MinalkraYou didn't upset me at all! Quite the opposite, in fact: I am elated that you took the time to share your thoughts and suggestions. I'd never get any better as a writer if I never received constructive criticism from my readers.In reference to the Tairiku thing: I'll admit, I just pulled it out of my ass. I never intended to give the country (or the world, for that matter) a name, but I received some criticism for that early on, so I just came up with something. It's been a while since I've studied Japanese, but I think Tairiku translates to "The Great Country" or "The Great Continent". I probably should have just made something up like I did for the name of the world (Estrios) as opposed to picking something I randomly recalled from my Japanese studies. After reading through the Rage-ity scene again, I can definitely see your point there. Brian's comment about Steve "working up the nerve" was meant to be more in jest than in seriousness, but I failed to indicate that. I'd initially intended to have both boys approach her at the same time, too, which would probably have been a better set up, and is probably what I should have stuck with. I also see what you mean about Rarity being a little too fast to rage. The original scene involved Rarity distracting the two boys while Twilight helped Fluttershy slip out. The Rarity rage scene seemed more amusing, but I definitely see where the build-up was lacking.Thank you again for taking the time to type out your thoughts! @Anonymous (June 21, 2011 7:27 AM)You must be thinking of a different story. Although, if you want, here is a bit of a SPOILER: I repeat, this is may be considered a (small) SPOILER so do not read past this point if you don't want anything spoiled whatsoever:I fully intend to introduce Spike's equivalent in this world, although under a different name (his introduction will be his first time meeting the mane 6 in this world, hence he wouldn't have his Equestria name as a nickname in this world). His character's age will be on par with the mane 6's in this world, as well. I won't say anything else for risk of major spoilers, but Spike will play a role in this story.

  56. @MinalkraYou didn't upset me at all! Quite the opposite, in fact: I am elated that you took the time to share your thoughts and suggestions. I'd never get any better as a writer if I never received constructive criticism from my readers.In reference to the Tairiku thing: I'll admit, I just pulled it out of my ass. I never intended to give the country (or the world, for that matter) a name, but I received some criticism for that early on, so I just came up with something. It's been a while since I've studied Japanese, but I think Tairiku translates to "The Great Country" or "The Great Continent". I probably should have just made something up like I did for the name of the world (Estrios) as opposed to picking something I randomly recalled from my Japanese studies. After reading through the Rage-ity scene again, I can definitely see your point there. Brian's comment about Steve "working up the nerve" was meant to be more in jest than in seriousness, but I failed to indicate that. I'd initially intended to have both boys approach her at the same time, too, which would probably have been a better set up, and is probably what I should have stuck with. I also see what you mean about Rarity being a little too fast to rage. The original scene involved Rarity distracting the two boys while Twilight helped Fluttershy slip out. The Rarity rage scene seemed more amusing, but I definitely see where the build-up was lacking.Thank you again for taking the time to type out your thoughts! @Anonymous (June 21, 2011 7:27 AM)You must be thinking of a different story. Although, if you want, here is a bit of a SPOILER: I repeat, this is may be considered a (small) SPOILER so do not read past this point if you don't want anything spoiled whatsoever:I fully intend to introduce Spike's equivalent in this world, although under a different name (his introduction will be his first time meeting the mane 6 in this world, hence he wouldn't have his Equestria name as a nickname in this world). His character's age will be on par with the mane 6's in this world, as well. I won't say anything else for risk of major spoilers, but Spike will play a role in this story.

  57. Anonymous says:

    …but Fluttershy is a year older than Pinkie…

  58. Anonymous says:

    …but Fluttershy is a year older than Pinkie…

  59. Anonymous says:

    Heck yes. Love that Madoka picture.

  60. Anonymous says:

    Heck yes. Love that Madoka picture.

  61. @AnonymousThat will be explained eventually. 🙂

  62. @AnonymousThat will be explained eventually. 🙂

  63. Anonymous says:

    Are you kidding? I didn't forget. I even wrote the Equestrian National Anthem in honor of today!

  64. Anonymous says:

    Are you kidding? I didn't forget. I even wrote the Equestrian National Anthem in honor of today!

  65. Anonymous says:

    ^ Well that's embarrassing. I had it opened to the wrong ED tab when I posted that >_<

  66. Anonymous says:

    ^ Well that's embarrassing. I had it opened to the wrong ED tab when I posted that >_<

  67. When the first chapter was posted, I wasn't very enthused; I've got nothing against humanized ponies but something about the story didn't catch my attention.Now, though, when I tried it again, I enjoyed it greatly. Nice alternate universe, I have to say!

  68. When the first chapter was posted, I wasn't very enthused; I've got nothing against humanized ponies but something about the story didn't catch my attention.Now, though, when I tried it again, I enjoyed it greatly. Nice alternate universe, I have to say!

  69. Kanarin says:

    Most interesting humanized fic I've seen 😀 Enjoyed it very much! Poor Fluttershy D:Also OMFFGFDFDDFG PONY-MAGICA PIC.

  70. Don't worry, it's not dead. Chapter 5 is finished. It will be up soon.

  71. Anonymous says:

    @FlameLordPhoenixYou may have the only humanized pony story that I've actually enjoyed. Good to know it isn't prematurely deceased.

  72. Anonymous says:

    Oh goody! Spike makes his debut next chapter! I wonder how you're going to portray him?

  73. Anonymous says:

    Ditto with ^Anon, if that isn't Spike's arrival in the story I will be surprised. Makes him a perfect little powder keg of too much coincidence.

  74. Anonymous says:

    Sooo, something unexplained happens and Twi doesn't try to test it by recreating the effect? That's what I'd do, anyway. See if I could levitate books instead of 'oh no, I'm tripping.' But whatev.Still one of the best human-pony stories I've read.

  75. Anonymous says:

    Let me guess the bodyguard is Spike?

  76. nemryn says:

    I call shenanigans! Twilight would never groan at a pop math quiz.

  77. zhi says:

    Is it just me but when I think of Spike the bodyguard, I think of Spike the Bounty Hunter from Cowboy Bebop.

  78. So, what name are you giving 'blond delivery girl with strabismus'?

  79. staplesponge says:

    Is it just me, or does the whole "wishing to be a pony" thing oddly similar to transexualism? Is that intentional?

  80. Anonymous says:

    Yay, new chapter! 😀

  81. lwllw says:

    if that bodyguard isnt spike i will eat baked bads….or not.this story IS AWESOME

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