Story: Pony Age: Origins (Update Part 18!)

[Crossover][Adventure][Grimdark] I think this time slot is dedicated to throwing random crossovers out and seeing how you guys react.  Naruto didn't work so well yesterday, but the pre-readers actually liked this one! (I honestly gambled with the Naruto one since no one would review it, sorry :p)


Author: OmegaPony11

Description: The Ponyspawn have invaded Equestria, and it is up to the newest addition to the Grey Wardens, Twilight Sparkle, to find them means to drive them back! With her friends and allies at her side, can Twilight defeat the evil tide before all of Equestria is devoured?

All Links after the break!

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This entry was posted in Adventure, Author: Omegapony11, Crossover, Everypony, Grimdark, Incomplete, OC Ponies, Star-5, Story, The Great and Powerful TRIXIE. Bookmark the permalink.

77 Responses to Story: Pony Age: Origins (Update Part 18!)

  1. kriss1989 says:

    Naruto? Did i miss something?

  2. kriss1989 says:

    Naruto? Did i miss something?

  3. @kriss1989Yes, there was a post yesterday(June 7th, 2011) for a Naruto Crossover story that stayed up for just an hour or so before it was pulled.

  4. James Lyons says:

    Cool, nice to see that omegapony11's fan fic got up here. He was working on it in the Equestria Chronicals forums.http://www.equestriachronicles.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=249

  5. Okaaaaaaaay…I'm not sure I want.I mean I have good memories from a plot perspective and "The Fade", and bad ones from how things that seemed important where overshadowed by something mundane or how things started stacking up a little too much to be in any way believable, even for the crazy situation. I'll look at it…Also, is this dealing with DA 2 stuff as well? I haven't played that yet.

  6. Anonymous says:

    actually i was quite hooked on that naruto one. ehh oh well.

  7. drewdle says:

    If there was one thing I couldn't get past, it was that everything moves by so fast! It's a fantastic premise, full of ominous foreshadowing of things to come, but Twilight's experience in the Fade could have been twice as long and I'd have still enjoyed it, if only because so much more description could have been employed. Other than that, it's hard to start an epic, but you managed it well.

  8. Anonymous says:

    Wait a minute. I thought clopfiction wasn't aloud on this web site. Am I missing something?

  9. Anonymous says:

    I actually liked the naruto one… oh well i managed to bookmark it before you took it down.

  10. Kyle says:

    As mentioned previously, this chapter seems a bit short… But I'll give the author the benefit of the doubt. What parts we did have were good enough, and there weren't several grammatical errors repeatedly slapping me out of my immersion.All in all, take four stars for now, rating may change based on the quality of future chapters of course.

  11. Kyle says:

    As mentioned previously, this chapter seems a bit short… But I'll give the author the benefit of the doubt. What parts we did have were good enough, and there weren't several grammatical errors repeatedly slapping me out of my immersion.All in all, take four stars for now, rating may change based on the quality of future chapters of course.

  12. Anonymous says:

    Wait, so they are pulling things now because a vocal minority doesn't like them despite being nonharmful? CREATIVE CENSORSHIP FOR THE WIN!Idiots.

  13. Tast says:

    @AnonymousWhile you are correct, what exactly are your referring to? Maybe the conversation between Trixie and Duncan? If you haven't played the game I can understand why you're confused.Liking this so far, waiting patiently for the continuations.

  14. Anonymous says:

    Absolutely love the game! Beat it several times! If the story is like the game then i have another addiction 🙂

  15. OmegaPony11 says:

    Hello,I hope everyone enjoyed this first iteration. As an aspiring writer, I still have a lot to learn, especially in regards to pacing the story.@Muffinsforever: First, this story will only pertain with Dragon Age: Origins. I have yet to decide to continue with Dragon Age Awakening, or even go for 2. @drewdle: In regards to the Fade, though I do feel I went by it quickly, I did not want to hang around the Mage Origin for a long time, and move on to Ostagar in the second chapter. Also, recall the Tower questline, and why I would not want to spend too much time in Fade.@Kyle: Pacing has always been an issue with me, even back in school, so its hard to know when a story is at the right length, too short, or TL:DR. I know some folks don't like an abundance of purple prose, so I try to avoid that as well. At the time of this post, chapter 2 is gearing up to be much more significant than chapter 1. Don't know if that is a good thing, we'll see.A note: I am taking liberties in regards to the crossover. As anyone who played Dragon Age knows, it is rather large, so some snips will be made to make room for more ponies. I am, of course, open to suggestions. Thank you.

  16. Sun Ray says:

    I love crossovers, this is my favorite so far.

  17. I literally just finished my first time through Origins last night, playing as a mage. My boyfriend mentioned this one to me, and I demanded that he send it to me immediately. HUGELY looking forward to seeing more of this.

  18. GIR says:

    Followed the forum account and saw you take on SonicBoom01's idea about having Zecora and zebras as qunari, but why have Pinkie Pie as another Warden when could she could be Oghren?

  19. DarkJester says:

    Hmmm, it was… decent, but felt horribly rushed. I hope you slow the next chapter way down. Refer to Fallout: Equestria for how do this.

  20. DarkJester says:

    Hmmm, it was… decent, but felt horribly rushed. I hope you slow the next chapter way down. Refer to Fallout: Equestria for how do this.

  21. Wow. I really liked this, im sort of have a soft spot for DA lore so seeing The Harrowing done in pony form may have been the single greatest thing ever. Plus i read the entire thing in a British-ish accent haha.

  22. Wow. I really liked this, im sort of have a soft spot for DA lore so seeing The Harrowing done in pony form may have been the single greatest thing ever. Plus i read the entire thing in a British-ish accent haha.

  23. ZettaLux says:

    -SPOILER-As soon as I heard that Big Mac was Arl Eamon, I knew it would be Applejack who would be Alistar. I wonder who the other companions would be? And I wonder who Oghren would be, since dwarves are mules >.> probably OC.

  24. ZettaLux says:

    -SPOILER-As soon as I heard that Big Mac was Arl Eamon, I knew it would be Applejack who would be Alistar. I wonder who the other companions would be? And I wonder who Oghren would be, since dwarves are mules >.> probably OC.

  25. Greki says:

    You know, I bet The Great and Powerful Trixie passed the pride part of the Harrowing by saying something like,"Of course The Great and Powerful Trixie would pass this simple test in the least amount of time. Now, begone with you, I have to finish this." That is, if she already went through the Harrowing.Anyway, keep up the good work!

  26. Greki says:

    You know, I bet The Great and Powerful Trixie passed the pride part of the Harrowing by saying something like,"Of course The Great and Powerful Trixie would pass this simple test in the least amount of time. Now, begone with you, I have to finish this." That is, if she already went through the Harrowing.Anyway, keep up the good work!

  27. Kyle says:

    Wait, if elves = pegasi, and the only elf from DA1 is Zehvren… OH MAKER!Twilight: Can I ask you some questions Rainbow Dash?Dash: Fine, but only if I get to stared luridly at you while you do…

  28. Kyle says:

    Wait, if elves = pegasi, and the only elf from DA1 is Zehvren… OH MAKER!Twilight: Can I ask you some questions Rainbow Dash?Dash: Fine, but only if I get to stared luridly at you while you do…

  29. Anonymous says:

    Good so far awesome premise keep at it and this could become amazing

  30. Anonymous says:

    Good so far awesome premise keep at it and this could become amazing

  31. Anonymous says:

    A good read so far. So, wait… next chapter they meet Morrigan, who enjoys insulting Alistair (AJ), casts magic and has a love for shiney trinkiets… Rarity?

  32. Anonymous says:

    A good read so far. So, wait… next chapter they meet Morrigan, who enjoys insulting Alistair (AJ), casts magic and has a love for shiney trinkiets… Rarity?

  33. Anonymous says:

    Wait, if there's only one elf companion, then that means either Dash or Fluttershy get shafted! Oh no! Though Fluttershy probably makes more sense as the lady of the forest anyway.

  34. Anonymous says:

    Wait, if there's only one elf companion, then that means either Dash or Fluttershy get shafted! Oh no! Though Fluttershy probably makes more sense as the lady of the forest anyway.

  35. Anonymous says:

    Just wondering, what's with the horn phylacteries? I thought the whole phylactery thing was a bit of chantry-sanctioned blood magic. I always found it deliciously hypocritical that the chantry would use blood magic to control its mages, all the while spouting that magic should serve man and not rule over him.

  36. Anonymous says:

    Just wondering, what's with the horn phylacteries? I thought the whole phylactery thing was a bit of chantry-sanctioned blood magic. I always found it deliciously hypocritical that the chantry would use blood magic to control its mages, all the while spouting that magic should serve man and not rule over him.

  37. OmegaPony11 says:

    Hello,I'm glad many a pony is enjoying this series. I am at work on chapter 3 as I type this, but wanted to take some time adressing questions made about the story.@Kyle and Anonymous: None of the mane cast is getting shafted in any way shape or form. They will all represent a member of the Dragon Age party, even if the two do not mesh completely. Like I said before, I am taking liberties with the story of Dragon Age to fit in more ponies. And yes I realized the unfortunate implications of Rainbow Dash taking Zevran's place, but it is what it is.@Anonymous: The horn phylacteries made alot of sense to me, since the horn is the source of a unicorns magic, just as magic was in a mages blood. This is, as I refer to them now, a liberty with Dragon Age. Blood Magic has not been replaced, but compile with other nasty black magic to make the Dark Arts. Practicioners of Dark Arts are the Maleficar, and it should come to a surprise later on who can be a Maleficar once they have access to the Dark Arts.@Darkjester: Yes, the first chapter was very rushed. I somehow got it into my head that I needed to get the first chapter out there ASAP to reserve some sort of non-existant "space", whether it was a place on EQD, or the name Pony Age Origins.All in all, I am pleased with the progress so far, and look forward to the response from chapter 3. Thank you all for the feedback, it is immensely helpful.

  38. OmegaPony11 says:

    Hello,I'm glad many a pony is enjoying this series. I am at work on chapter 3 as I type this, but wanted to take some time adressing questions made about the story.@Kyle and Anonymous: None of the mane cast is getting shafted in any way shape or form. They will all represent a member of the Dragon Age party, even if the two do not mesh completely. Like I said before, I am taking liberties with the story of Dragon Age to fit in more ponies. And yes I realized the unfortunate implications of Rainbow Dash taking Zevran's place, but it is what it is.@Anonymous: The horn phylacteries made alot of sense to me, since the horn is the source of a unicorns magic, just as magic was in a mages blood. This is, as I refer to them now, a liberty with Dragon Age. Blood Magic has not been replaced, but compile with other nasty black magic to make the Dark Arts. Practicioners of Dark Arts are the Maleficar, and it should come to a surprise later on who can be a Maleficar once they have access to the Dark Arts.@Darkjester: Yes, the first chapter was very rushed. I somehow got it into my head that I needed to get the first chapter out there ASAP to reserve some sort of non-existant "space", whether it was a place on EQD, or the name Pony Age Origins.All in all, I am pleased with the progress so far, and look forward to the response from chapter 3. Thank you all for the feedback, it is immensely helpful.

  39. Just finished chapter 3. Well played, good ser. Extremely nostalgic, which is important for cross-overing such a good game. Also, I saw that Star Wars reference. Good for a brief chuckle.Looking forward to more. Keep it up

  40. Just finished chapter 3. Well played, good ser. Extremely nostalgic, which is important for cross-overing such a good game. Also, I saw that Star Wars reference. Good for a brief chuckle.Looking forward to more. Keep it up

  41. Gozerian says:

    Don't know why, but I cracked up at "Step forward, Twilight Sparkle"

  42. Gozerian says:

    Don't know why, but I cracked up at "Step forward, Twilight Sparkle"

  43. Anonymous says:

    I'll assume that Pinkie Pie is going to be either Leliana or Oghren.I'm leaning toward Oghren, solely because alcoholic beverages replaced with baked goods and sweets sound REALLY awesome.

  44. Anonymous says:

    I'll assume that Pinkie Pie is going to be either Leliana or Oghren.I'm leaning toward Oghren, solely because alcoholic beverages replaced with baked goods and sweets sound REALLY awesome.

  45. rob says:

    has anyone got a link to the naruto fic?

  46. rob says:

    has anyone got a link to the naruto fic?

  47. Nova25 says:

    Big Macintosh and Applejack aren't brother and sister ?…huhhhhh… ? Whyyy ?I doubt it would have changed or forced anything to keep that detail from the show ? It's just a bit annoying.>she summoned a blast of arcane energy-…isn't ''summoning'' for, you know, summoning stuff like creatures and the like ? Sounds like she's ''casting'' a spell, not summoning.>her mind racing for another spell to summon.-You CAST a spell, you do not summon it.-You summon a creature, you do not ''cast'' a creature. (sigh)…2 NPC dieing, while 2 Main Cast live. I call ''Star Trek – Red Shirts'' on that.

  48. Nova25 says:

    Big Macintosh and Applejack aren't brother and sister ?…huhhhhh… ? Whyyy ?I doubt it would have changed or forced anything to keep that detail from the show ? It's just a bit annoying.>she summoned a blast of arcane energy-…isn't ''summoning'' for, you know, summoning stuff like creatures and the like ? Sounds like she's ''casting'' a spell, not summoning.>her mind racing for another spell to summon.-You CAST a spell, you do not summon it.-You summon a creature, you do not ''cast'' a creature. (sigh)…2 NPC dieing, while 2 Main Cast live. I call ''Star Trek – Red Shirts'' on that.

  49. Grendy says:

    @Nova25"Summon" was likely used here so that the author was not simply repeating "cast" over and over again. The word "summon" is frequently used to mean gather or muster, as in summoning one's strength. The idea here is probably that Twilight is gathering magic within her. In fact, since magic is wholly fictional, the author could be using it to mean "call" and have the power used for the spell simply be called from some magical plane. The usage not incorrect.As for the two "NPCs" dying, have you considered that the reason Twilight's story is being followed is because she is the one who survives in the first place? Either of the other two characters could have been the 'main character' that we followed up to this point, but then, gee, they would die. Great story. More importantly, those characters both died in the game that this story is based on. The author was hardly going to alter the plot arbitrarily.I don't have anything against criticism or nitpicking, but I do have something against people who insist on doing it when they simply aren't very good at it. Do your homework next time before you whine.

  50. We've got Mass Effect and Dragon Age.All we need now is KOTOR, Jade Empire, and Balduer's Gate and Neverwinter Nights and we got the whole Bioware pack.

  51. We've got Mass Effect and Dragon Age.All we need now is KOTOR, Jade Empire, and Balduer's Gate and Neverwinter Nights and we got the whole Bioware pack.

  52. Anonymous says:

    How about Poniscape:Torment?

  53. Anonymous says:

    How about Poniscape:Torment?

  54. Anonymous says:

    I know nothing of the game, but this is truly cool. Great job!

  55. Anonymous says:

    I know nothing of the game, but this is truly cool. Great job!

  56. Anonymous says:

    I knew this would happen as soon as I saw the Mass Effect ponies. I KNEW IT.

  57. Anonymous says:

    I knew this would happen as soon as I saw the Mass Effect ponies. I KNEW IT.

  58. Anonymous says:

    This is awesome! Really well written and I'm having fun trying to predict which ponies will fill certain roles.Personally, I don't find pacing to be a problem. The novelizations of movies and books have to be structured differently.Movies-to-books have to be longer, filling in details and expanding minor scenes. Games-to-books have to be shorter, or else everything will be bogged down by trying to capture every significant encounter. In the latter, streamlining is to be expected and I think OmegaPony11 has done an admirable job thus far.I am definitely looking forward to the next chapter!

  59. Anonymous says:

    This is awesome! Really well written and I'm having fun trying to predict which ponies will fill certain roles.Personally, I don't find pacing to be a problem. The novelizations of movies and books have to be structured differently.Movies-to-books have to be longer, filling in details and expanding minor scenes. Games-to-books have to be shorter, or else everything will be bogged down by trying to capture every significant encounter. In the latter, streamlining is to be expected and I think OmegaPony11 has done an admirable job thus far.I am definitely looking forward to the next chapter!

  60. Nova25 says:

    @Grendy*Summoning* the strenght to… Drawing the power, the energies to…Also… ''casting'' a spell is just the most common term used in games, while related to the use of Magic in general, just saying.For the NPCs, you do know the *Red Shirts* trope thingy, right ?Applejack and Twilight are main characters, important-vital characters… The other 2 were tag-along characters, thus the probability for them to die during the mission (or shortly after) was rather high…-I was mainly just stating the point, what was/had happened, not contradicting it… like you thought I was doing.>Do your homework next time before you whine.-And I do STRONGLY suggest you that you remain polite and not try to weakly insult me, and do not SUPPOSE things on my account, Thank You!—–I wonder if the dwarves will be Diamond Dogs ? …that would be a logical choice.And the elves ? Exotic Zebras, maybe ?

  61. Nova25 says:

    @Grendy*Summoning* the strenght to… Drawing the power, the energies to…Also… ''casting'' a spell is just the most common term used in games, while related to the use of Magic in general, just saying.For the NPCs, you do know the *Red Shirts* trope thingy, right ?Applejack and Twilight are main characters, important-vital characters… The other 2 were tag-along characters, thus the probability for them to die during the mission (or shortly after) was rather high…-I was mainly just stating the point, what was/had happened, not contradicting it… like you thought I was doing.>Do your homework next time before you whine.-And I do STRONGLY suggest you that you remain polite and not try to weakly insult me, and do not SUPPOSE things on my account, Thank You!—–I wonder if the dwarves will be Diamond Dogs ? …that would be a logical choice.And the elves ? Exotic Zebras, maybe ?

  62. Grendy says:

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  63. Grendy says:

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  64. Grendy says:

    @Nova25Guess I misunderstood you. I was being rude 'cause I thought you were being rude, which wasn't really mature of me. Sorry, man.More on topic, wonder what purpose Spike'll serve in the course of the story. He's the only thing I can't see obviously matching up to game's plot. Could be interesting.

  65. Grendy says:

    @Nova25Guess I misunderstood you. I was being rude 'cause I thought you were being rude, which wasn't really mature of me. Sorry, man.More on topic, wonder what purpose Spike'll serve in the course of the story. He's the only thing I can't see obviously matching up to game's plot. Could be interesting.

  66. Grif says:

    Spike? He's Bann Teegan. Totally. :PAlternatively, he could be Shale. Because a rock dragon totally rocks.

  67. So Fluttershy is an Earth Pony now?

  68. Anonymous says:

    Dubs… Check em

  69. Anonymous says:

    Re: Ch.5Interesting way of working Pinkie into the party. Making her the party 'alchemist' is a neat compliment to her baking skills.But now I'm wondering how long it'll be until Dash shows up?@GrifI originally figured Spike would fill the role of the Mabari warhound (which isn't much of a role at all). I could totally see Spike flipping out and using Overwhelm on somepony. =D@Gozer the EquestrianMaybe her wings are being hidden by her Chantry robes? It might play into the reveal about her backstory later.

  70. Oh. My. GOD. You just cast Sten as Pinkie Pie. I literally laughed out loud for approximately two minutes. Write moar, please!!

  71. Anonymous says:

    Wow, this is actually really good! As a fan of the Dragon Age series, I'd love to read more of it. 🙂

  72. Trixie is Wynne?…..Okay I can accept that.Now your idea of having the fade dream level in Ponyville is just fricken genius! Not only does it go well with the concept of mixing MLP with DAO, but Ponyville does represent what each character psychology does want and wish to be in their lives, much like what the Sloth demon did for the original characters in the game. It's a perfect fit and I think at this point the story should be six stars instead of five.

  73. Anonymous says:

    Great use of Ponyville for the Fade setting. And thanks for skipping all the shapeshifting nonsense from Lost In Dreams. That would have been tedious to read.

  74. Anonymous says:

    Since secondary characters appear to play a part, I wonder if derpy hooves also known as ditzy doo will appear in the dwarven or elven questline if appear at all. If you can give a hint.I like the hidden references [Kirkwall/Redwall] and finding the changes in DAO storyline. Sten doesn't exist…well maybe as a zebra and not in the story. What I find funny is the implication that there is a Pinkie relative of Hawke Pie out in Redwall/Kirkwall.How will AJ rule with Armeria since I choose to have a king and queen in my ending as well as me living for awakening to be relevant. Don't mind this since I wouldn't want the spoilers to the ending in PAO.

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