[Adventure] And then Fluttershy was a human.
Author: Lysis
Description: Fluttershy has been transported to 1930’s Earth, and has become human in the process. With the help of a stranger, she must cross America within four days to reach the one thing that can get her home.
The Kindness of Strangers
The Kindness of Strangers 2
The Kindness of Strangers 3 (New!)
Additional Tags: Humanized, Fluttershy, Motorcycle, No Shipping, Roadtrip
equestriadaily 
Did somepony say first?
Did somepony say first?
1930s? Random human pony transformation?I am intrigued.
1930s? Random human pony transformation?I am intrigued.
Four ratings to a total of 2 stars and only two comments? (three with mine).I think somepony jumped ahead and rated without reading. Let's read it first.
Four ratings to a total of 2 stars and only two comments? (three with mine).I think somepony jumped ahead and rated without reading. Let's read it first.
Very cute. Looking forward to more.
Very cute. Looking forward to more.
Why is it whenever humans show up on this blog everyone throws a fit?Sounds like an interesting premise.
Why is it whenever humans show up on this blog everyone throws a fit?Sounds like an interesting premise.
I hope there are real gangsters in this story with fedoras and tommy guns.
I hope there are real gangsters in this story with fedoras and tommy guns.
I have never been a fan of human stories re: ponies. This, however, I love. I gladly give you all my stars! This is wonderful.
I have never been a fan of human stories re: ponies. This, however, I love. I gladly give you all my stars! This is wonderful.
There is so much potential for the setting, but I feel it was poorly paced.3/5 for this chapterI'll hold off on the stars because your vote only counts once and I want it to count.
There is so much potential for the setting, but I feel it was poorly paced.3/5 for this chapterI'll hold off on the stars because your vote only counts once and I want it to count.
Fluttershy? turned human? into the 1930's?OH HELL YEAH!!! 😀
Fluttershy? turned human? into the 1930's?OH HELL YEAH!!! 😀
This is shaping up to be interesting; instead of just throwing her in and having her fumble around, like human in equestria story equivalents, this throws a goal, problem, and how to resolve it, all very quickly and natrually.can't wait to read more.
This is shaping up to be interesting; instead of just throwing her in and having her fumble around, like human in equestria story equivalents, this throws a goal, problem, and how to resolve it, all very quickly and natrually.can't wait to read more.
That was a very good story. It's like a mixture between LA Noire and Enchanted with Ponies in it. Good stuff.
That was a very good story. It's like a mixture between LA Noire and Enchanted with Ponies in it. Good stuff.
Although the pacing needs some work, I can't help but mention that I am a HUGE fan of the 1920s/30s culture.All the Fedoras, Tommy Guns, real bad-ass Gangsters, the Prohibition, the upbeat Swing and Big Band music, classy and curved cars, towering skyscrapers, AND the Golden Age of Cinema and Hollywood, I just fell in love with the story! Then again, that is just me…5/5 Stars, but that may drop if the author keeps the pace the same.
Although the pacing needs some work, I can't help but mention that I am a HUGE fan of the 1920s/30s culture.All the Fedoras, Tommy Guns, real bad-ass Gangsters, the Prohibition, the upbeat Swing and Big Band music, classy and curved cars, towering skyscrapers, AND the Golden Age of Cinema and Hollywood, I just fell in love with the story! Then again, that is just me…5/5 Stars, but that may drop if the author keeps the pace the same.
I'm enjoying it so far.can't wait to see more.5/5
I'm enjoying it so far.can't wait to see more.5/5
Uh . . . What? The male protagonist is named Asaji? In 1930s New York? Asaji is a Japanese name, and to say it's uncommon is a bit of an understatement. (Most immigrant parents would give their kids names to blend in, after all.) And how could he be so bloody cold all the time?! Seriously, Fluttershy uses "The Stare" on him while yelling at him that he's a heartless monster for eating meat, and the most reaction we get is an icy "Don't judge me"? What the frak? Also, why in the world did you make it so that Equestria is a planet that's significantly small than Earth? Do you have any idea just how many problems that causes due to the lesser gravity? It doesn't for two other reasons too: the first is that only nautical miles are determined by the size of the Earth, and this isn't a well known fact to those not into aviation, sea travel, or geography; and the second is that you could have just had the main character say "Oh, that's not a problem, my county spans the whole continent, has a reliable highway system, and has readily available transportation with top speeds in excess of 60mph," and it would have been a much better explanation.In addition, the whole concept of a road trip in the US didn't really get started till the late 30s when work on a lot of the highways was completed. Even then it didn't really take off till the 50s when President Eisenhower had the Grand Army of the Republic Highway System built. The concept is unique, and the writing isn't bad at all, but there are just too many character and factual hiccups for me to continue reading.
Uh . . . What? The male protagonist is named Asaji? In 1930s New York? Asaji is a Japanese name, and to say it's uncommon is a bit of an understatement. (Most immigrant parents would give their kids names to blend in, after all.) And how could he be so bloody cold all the time?! Seriously, Fluttershy uses "The Stare" on him while yelling at him that he's a heartless monster for eating meat, and the most reaction we get is an icy "Don't judge me"? What the frak? Also, why in the world did you make it so that Equestria is a planet that's significantly small than Earth? Do you have any idea just how many problems that causes due to the lesser gravity? It doesn't for two other reasons too: the first is that only nautical miles are determined by the size of the Earth, and this isn't a well known fact to those not into aviation, sea travel, or geography; and the second is that you could have just had the main character say "Oh, that's not a problem, my county spans the whole continent, has a reliable highway system, and has readily available transportation with top speeds in excess of 60mph," and it would have been a much better explanation.In addition, the whole concept of a road trip in the US didn't really get started till the late 30s when work on a lot of the highways was completed. Even then it didn't really take off till the 50s when President Eisenhower had the Grand Army of the Republic Highway System built. The concept is unique, and the writing isn't bad at all, but there are just too many character and factual hiccups for me to continue reading.
@Cody MacArthur FettI appreciate your blunt honesty, friend. Without it people like myself would never improve. I know his name is strange. I know the method for getting her on Earth was never fully explained. I know Asaji is a cold person with little personality. But actually, you are wrong on one occasion. There are no real highways crossing the country at this time, and the speed limit is lower. What he's agreed to is actually a difficult task. And, um….whatever you want to do is fine, regarding reading it. It isn't the kind of story that everyone likes, anyway.
@Cody MacArthur FettI appreciate your blunt honesty, friend. Without it people like myself would never improve. I know his name is strange. I know the method for getting her on Earth was never fully explained. I know Asaji is a cold person with little personality. But actually, you are wrong on one occasion. There are no real highways crossing the country at this time, and the speed limit is lower. What he's agreed to is actually a difficult task. And, um….whatever you want to do is fine, regarding reading it. It isn't the kind of story that everyone likes, anyway.
Loving the story so far. Well written and interesting plot. The dialog felt a bit awkward at times though. At least 3 stars. And as to our protagonist, Asaji…Assuming he is Japanese, I can see racism coming into play. Obviously things between America and Japan hadn't heated up yet, but he's probably going to cross someone who doesn't like him just because he's different.Japan is also in full swing of it's occupation of China and Russia declares Japan to be an enemy.Also, some interesting historical notes: In september 1935, Sen. Huey P. Long aka "The Kingfish" dies from being shot by Dr. Carl Austin Weiss, Jr. And the German government adopts the Nuremberg Laws, which deprived German Jews of their citizenship.
Loving the story so far. Well written and interesting plot. The dialog felt a bit awkward at times though. At least 3 stars. And as to our protagonist, Asaji…Assuming he is Japanese, I can see racism coming into play. Obviously things between America and Japan hadn't heated up yet, but he's probably going to cross someone who doesn't like him just because he's different.Japan is also in full swing of it's occupation of China and Russia declares Japan to be an enemy.Also, some interesting historical notes: In september 1935, Sen. Huey P. Long aka "The Kingfish" dies from being shot by Dr. Carl Austin Weiss, Jr. And the German government adopts the Nuremberg Laws, which deprived German Jews of their citizenship.
Very glad to see this up here. You got a good foundation, now all you have to do is finish building this up. If you execute it properly, you will have a very interesting fic on your hands. Great job, once again!
Very glad to see this up here. You got a good foundation, now all you have to do is finish building this up. If you execute it properly, you will have a very interesting fic on your hands. Great job, once again!
@Cody MacArthur Fett 'Do you have any idea just how many problems that causes due to the lesser gravity?'Probably not as many as are caused by the possibility that Equestria isn't spherical.
@Cody MacArthur Fett 'Do you have any idea just how many problems that causes due to the lesser gravity?'Probably not as many as are caused by the possibility that Equestria isn't spherical.
@Lysis Minor point, the gravity issue could be solved, if only because the fundamental physics on equestria is different. For instance, the planet has a much denser core, increasing mass and therefore the effect of gravity, (unlikely), or you could just rely on the fallback; it's magic. The latter solution is probably more likely under the circumstances.
@Lysis Minor point, the gravity issue could be solved, if only because the fundamental physics on equestria is different. For instance, the planet has a much denser core, increasing mass and therefore the effect of gravity, (unlikely), or you could just rely on the fallback; it's magic. The latter solution is probably more likely under the circumstances.
@Bemmo Also, this point should really have been a reply to Cody MacArthur Fett. My bad.
@Bemmo Also, this point should really have been a reply to Cody MacArthur Fett. My bad.
It's quite interesting and stuff, but Asaji got little character, really. He need some development, because right now he is quite blank.
It's quite interesting and stuff, but Asaji got little character, really. He need some development, because right now he is quite blank.
@Cody MacArthur FettEarth doesn't have magic, so the Stare (which I'm guessing is magic-based) won't work.Just because Equestria is smaller, doesn't necessarily mean it'd have lower gravity, and besides, it was stated the laws of physics was likely different between the two places.It seems to me you're fault-finding rather than actually criticizing.
@Cody MacArthur FettEarth doesn't have magic, so the Stare (which I'm guessing is magic-based) won't work.Just because Equestria is smaller, doesn't necessarily mean it'd have lower gravity, and besides, it was stated the laws of physics was likely different between the two places.It seems to me you're fault-finding rather than actually criticizing.
@AnonymousThe next chapter will hopefully work towards solving the issue of his character development. It would have been awkward to cram in a ton of personality in the first chapter. There already is a little personality here:He lives alone in a tiny apartment, he's skilled with machines, and he drinks. Any more then that would have felt….I don't know, overdoing it for the first introductory chapter. That's just my take on it.
@AnonymousThe next chapter will hopefully work towards solving the issue of his character development. It would have been awkward to cram in a ton of personality in the first chapter. There already is a little personality here:He lives alone in a tiny apartment, he's skilled with machines, and he drinks. Any more then that would have felt….I don't know, overdoing it for the first introductory chapter. That's just my take on it.
Inb4 Motorbike fails and gets on the TCRR.Also…Inb4 Flutt is scared s**tless of steam locomotives.
Inb4 Motorbike fails and gets on the TCRR.Also…Inb4 Flutt is scared s**tless of steam locomotives.
@Lysisanachronism: Clark's third law wasn't codified until the early 70s.Clark wasn't even published anywhere till 1937.(I prefer one of Niven's laws: Any sufficiently rigorously defined magic is indistinguishable from technology.)
@Lysisanachronism: Clark's third law wasn't codified until the early 70s.Clark wasn't even published anywhere till 1937.(I prefer one of Niven's laws: Any sufficiently rigorously defined magic is indistinguishable from technology.)
@AnonymousVery true, but I like the quote enough to break the rules a bit. I hope it didn't ruin the story for you.
@AnonymousVery true, but I like the quote enough to break the rules a bit. I hope it didn't ruin the story for you.
It's nice. Unrealistic for the time period but nice.Mechanically, it's good. A few repetitions of things, like a whole section where the first word of almost every sentence was 'He.' Mix it up a tad. 'The man,' 'the guy,' … uhm, 'he' works too? Heh, I guess it is hard before his name is out there. It doesn't matter now, but I'd try different sentence structures. It reads well, though, so if it's not broke …Now then, the plot stuff. The guy's name has been mentioned but I'd like to question, well, everything else. In 1935, values and mores were very different than today. It doesn't FEEL like it's 1935, it feels like it's present-day. It's still a little early in the story to tell but that's my first impression. He doesn't act the way a guy from 1935 would act, at least from my POV. To be honest, though, if he did act that way, Fluttershy would be in a hospital once First Aid was done. Tattoos? On a lady? Obvious streetwalker, at least at that time. Or a lady of ill repute, whether she was a prostitute or a sideshow. And that's begging for trouble from the coppers, so off to hospital she goes. Still, it's for a purpose so it's forgivable.As to what some others have said, his character isn't blank, it's just the first chapter. Wait till part two or three to really start seeing characterization.The US Highway system of the 30's was terrible. I mean bad. It wasn't till the Superhighway of the 50's that cross-country travel was really improved, until then it was a time-consuming and just plain horrible concept. "Turn left at where the barn used to be."Overall, I liked it. It's too far along to change most of the 'issues' I see now, so let's see how the author works them into and around the concept. And heck, maybe what I see as an issue is something intended and I need to shut up.
It's nice. Unrealistic for the time period but nice.Mechanically, it's good. A few repetitions of things, like a whole section where the first word of almost every sentence was 'He.' Mix it up a tad. 'The man,' 'the guy,' … uhm, 'he' works too? Heh, I guess it is hard before his name is out there. It doesn't matter now, but I'd try different sentence structures. It reads well, though, so if it's not broke …Now then, the plot stuff. The guy's name has been mentioned but I'd like to question, well, everything else. In 1935, values and mores were very different than today. It doesn't FEEL like it's 1935, it feels like it's present-day. It's still a little early in the story to tell but that's my first impression. He doesn't act the way a guy from 1935 would act, at least from my POV. To be honest, though, if he did act that way, Fluttershy would be in a hospital once First Aid was done. Tattoos? On a lady? Obvious streetwalker, at least at that time. Or a lady of ill repute, whether she was a prostitute or a sideshow. And that's begging for trouble from the coppers, so off to hospital she goes. Still, it's for a purpose so it's forgivable.As to what some others have said, his character isn't blank, it's just the first chapter. Wait till part two or three to really start seeing characterization.The US Highway system of the 30's was terrible. I mean bad. It wasn't till the Superhighway of the 50's that cross-country travel was really improved, until then it was a time-consuming and just plain horrible concept. "Turn left at where the barn used to be."Overall, I liked it. It's too far along to change most of the 'issues' I see now, so let's see how the author works them into and around the concept. And heck, maybe what I see as an issue is something intended and I need to shut up.
Wow! I'm usually the "Long-Comment-Reviewer-Anon" around here but it looks like everybody else has done my job for me today! Thanks bronies! :DStill, I just have to say… Asaji? Really? Is there no way he could be named something normal for 1930's America? It feels REALLY out of place.
Wow! I'm usually the "Long-Comment-Reviewer-Anon" around here but it looks like everybody else has done my job for me today! Thanks bronies! :DStill, I just have to say… Asaji? Really? Is there no way he could be named something normal for 1930's America? It feels REALLY out of place.
Cool story, I actually liked the protagonist's personality better than other readers. It reminds me of myself and how calm I can be in crazy situations. I'm anticipating chapter 2! 4 stars.
Cool story, I actually liked the protagonist's personality better than other readers. It reminds me of myself and how calm I can be in crazy situations. I'm anticipating chapter 2! 4 stars.
I am calling it now, Asaji is going to end up in Equestria. Hear me out. The gateway is in a cave, that is on a fault line, and it is holding the cave up due to a stone lodged in it. So, Asaji is going to bring Fluttershy there, before an earthquake collapses the cave, and get her through it. It was said that the cave will collapse when the rock is removed, and Celestia and Luna will remove it to Equestria so Fluttershy can get through. Now, assuming Asaji won't send Fluttershy into the cave and say good luck, he will have to escort her to the gateway. Therefore, the only options are he dies in a cave collapse, which he won't deserve after getting Fluttershy to the cave, or he ends up going to Equestria with her. Also, were you referencing Stargate with the whole gateway thing? That is all from me.
I am calling it now, Asaji is going to end up in Equestria. Hear me out. The gateway is in a cave, that is on a fault line, and it is holding the cave up due to a stone lodged in it. So, Asaji is going to bring Fluttershy there, before an earthquake collapses the cave, and get her through it. It was said that the cave will collapse when the rock is removed, and Celestia and Luna will remove it to Equestria so Fluttershy can get through. Now, assuming Asaji won't send Fluttershy into the cave and say good luck, he will have to escort her to the gateway. Therefore, the only options are he dies in a cave collapse, which he won't deserve after getting Fluttershy to the cave, or he ends up going to Equestria with her. Also, were you referencing Stargate with the whole gateway thing? That is all from me.
^ Yay! More Human in Equestria shit! I love that stuff!
^ Yay! More Human in Equestria shit! I love that stuff!
@Coolguyrlr1030Well, I learned about the Stargate series after I showed this to my editor…but I've taken the whole thing in stride since.
@Coolguyrlr1030Well, I learned about the Stargate series after I showed this to my editor…but I've taken the whole thing in stride since.
Considering how many good human-fied pony fics have been sent that get canned, I always grit my teeth whenever you change your rules on a mindless whim.
Considering how many good human-fied pony fics have been sent that get canned, I always grit my teeth whenever you change your rules on a mindless whim.
@Kierrin HalcyonSeth can't clop to human-fied ponies often.
@Kierrin HalcyonSeth can't clop to human-fied ponies often.
@AnonymousNiven's and Clark's laws are complimentary. Clark says technology is indistinguishable from magic, and Niven says magic is indistinguishable from technology. Its like a conservation of understanding.
@AnonymousNiven's and Clark's laws are complimentary. Clark says technology is indistinguishable from magic, and Niven says magic is indistinguishable from technology. Its like a conservation of understanding.
Personally, my first thought was "Was there an earthquake in California at the right time?"….there wasn't, at least none big enough for Wikipedia to list. Also, the San Andreas fault actually goes off into the sea well below the "northern edge" of the state, though granted there's plenty of other faults everywhere.If you had made it June 3, 1934 and the location near the center of the state, that would have lined up…But eh, it's fiction, right 🙂
Personally, my first thought was "Was there an earthquake in California at the right time?"….there wasn't, at least none big enough for Wikipedia to list. Also, the San Andreas fault actually goes off into the sea well below the "northern edge" of the state, though granted there's plenty of other faults everywhere.If you had made it June 3, 1934 and the location near the center of the state, that would have lined up…But eh, it's fiction, right 🙂
@MelodiaOf course its fiction. So what if there wasn't an earthquake there at that time in history? There also wasn't an ancient Gateway that lead to a land of talking ponies either.
@MelodiaOf course its fiction. So what if there wasn't an earthquake there at that time in history? There also wasn't an ancient Gateway that lead to a land of talking ponies either.
@AnonymousI think the problem with just dismissing it as "meh, talking ponies, I dun need reasons, it's fiction" is that the author has put this fic into a defined historical period and there's now a natural inclination for the readers to read it as a period piece.
@AnonymousI think the problem with just dismissing it as "meh, talking ponies, I dun need reasons, it's fiction" is that the author has put this fic into a defined historical period and there's now a natural inclination for the readers to read it as a period piece.
Okay, gotta ask, is Asaji half-Japanese or something? He's got blue eyes, and a name like that, I'm kinda assuming maybe he's the kid of an immigrant and a local.(Before anyone starts, I know perfectly well that blue eyes aren't the sole domain of Whites or Westerners, and just eye color alone isn't enough to determine *any* ethnicity, I just kinda wanna know the direction this author's going.)
Okay, gotta ask, is Asaji half-Japanese or something? He's got blue eyes, and a name like that, I'm kinda assuming maybe he's the kid of an immigrant and a local.(Before anyone starts, I know perfectly well that blue eyes aren't the sole domain of Whites or Westerners, and just eye color alone isn't enough to determine *any* ethnicity, I just kinda wanna know the direction this author's going.)
All the anachronisms and the lack of mention of the Great Depression lead me to believe that this is an Earth alternate to our own, or that Asaji is a time traveler of some sort himself. Otherwise, I like the story so far.
All the anachronisms and the lack of mention of the Great Depression lead me to believe that this is an Earth alternate to our own, or that Asaji is a time traveler of some sort himself. Otherwise, I like the story so far.
I really liked this story, the fact is, I want to say that the person who wrote it took a lot of time and effort making this story, that or they're just a writing genius xD
@SharkmanHe's half something, but he isn't half Japanese. That's all I'll say. Jeez, so many comments on Asaji, all based off his name. Gee wiz, I underestimated you all. I'm trying to address the name in the next chapter. Please, try not to let it ruin the story for you….please.
….Wow. Is it normal for a fic to get this many 'star ratings' in only one day? This isn't anything particularly special, either… must just be a slow day.
Just because he has a rare name shouldn't ruin it for everybody. After all, if he were named John or something that would be too plain.Although it moved a little fast at the end, I think this is going to be my favorite fanfic.So get off of here and write 15 more chapters!
@Anonymous100 'star' reviews in one day?…I don't think that's normal….but I'm not the one rating it…I guess I need to thank everyone for reading it. So thanks everyone, for reading it. I promise you all I'll work very hard on more chapters.
@Anonymous100 'star' reviews in one day?…I don't think that's normal….but I'm not the one rating it…I guess I need to thank everyone for reading it. So thanks everyone, for reading it. I promise you all I'll work very hard on more chapters.
You sir/and or/madame have just earned over 100 ratings in less than 24 hours! You have a treasure trove right under your feet! Our expectations are high, so we all wish you good luck on completing chapter 2!
You sir/and or/madame have just earned over 100 ratings in less than 24 hours! You have a treasure trove right under your feet! Our expectations are high, so we all wish you good luck on completing chapter 2!
This story has a lot of potential and handles the human equation quite nicely. I am also far from picky, take my stars, take all of them.Also, I'm calling it now: Who want s to bet that Asaji gets pulled through the gateway.
This story has a lot of potential and handles the human equation quite nicely. I am also far from picky, take my stars, take all of them.Also, I'm calling it now: Who want s to bet that Asaji gets pulled through the gateway.
@WierdplatformerWith hooves he will never be able to build his motorcycle.
@WierdplatformerWith hooves he will never be able to build his motorcycle.
Too bad this isn't set a few years later when the government was rounding up Japanese citizens. Could have a part where it is revealed that he is part Japanese and they have to escape from government people.
Too bad this isn't set a few years later when the government was rounding up Japanese citizens. Could have a part where it is revealed that he is part Japanese and they have to escape from government people.
Are you going to release these as they are written or over a set period of time?
Are you going to release these as they are written or over a set period of time?
@AnonymousI'll release chapters after they've been gone over by my editors. I can't say anything about the length of the chapters though, since that first introductory one was longer then I thought it would be.While they won't be released over a preset period of time, they will be released when deemed 'good'.
@AnonymousI'll release chapters after they've been gone over by my editors. I can't say anything about the length of the chapters though, since that first introductory one was longer then I thought it would be.While they won't be released over a preset period of time, they will be released when deemed 'good'.
I really like your writing style, Lysis. After you are done with this do you think you could write a story about the mayor? Sort of a origin of Ponyville and how she came to be the mayor story. I'm not very creative so I don't feel like I could make it too interesting.
I really like your writing style, Lysis. After you are done with this do you think you could write a story about the mayor? Sort of a origin of Ponyville and how she came to be the mayor story. I'm not very creative so I don't feel like I could make it too interesting.
@AnonymousI don't know, man. At the moment, I'm more concerned about just finishing the story in the first place. I honestly don't know if this will be my only fic or not. I can guarantee you though that I won't be starting another project while I'm working on this. I'm bogged down enough. My editor likes to review lots of different stories, and since he's a friend I help him out. It exposes me to a lot of different fics and writing styles though, so it all works out in the end.
@AnonymousI don't know, man. At the moment, I'm more concerned about just finishing the story in the first place. I honestly don't know if this will be my only fic or not. I can guarantee you though that I won't be starting another project while I'm working on this. I'm bogged down enough. My editor likes to review lots of different stories, and since he's a friend I help him out. It exposes me to a lot of different fics and writing styles though, so it all works out in the end.
@Lysiswell, check out this thread and if someday after you finish this story you decide you want to write another I think it would be awesome to be about thishttp://www.ponychan.net/chan/pony/res/35667172.html
@Lysiswell, check out this thread and if someday after you finish this story you decide you want to write another I think it would be awesome to be about thishttp://www.ponychan.net/chan/pony/res/35667172.html
Who's the artist on that drawing? It looks just like a friend of mine. Only with pink hair. And wings.
Who's the artist on that drawing? It looks just like a friend of mine. Only with pink hair. And wings.
Chapter Two is all written, and half edited as I type this. …..taking into account that my Editor has been crippled by computer troubles, the new chapter won't be out for a few more days. Please, just have faith….
Chapter Two is all written, and half edited as I type this. …..taking into account that my Editor has been crippled by computer troubles, the new chapter won't be out for a few more days. Please, just have faith….
And here I was wondering when the next chapter would be out.I can't wait to read more.And personally the chronology/name issues don't bother me. It's fiction after all…Good luck with the rest.
And here I was wondering when the next chapter would be out.I can't wait to read more.And personally the chronology/name issues don't bother me. It's fiction after all…Good luck with the rest.
The only problem I see is Asaji is a little too… Good. He didn't question too much stuff, was usually calm, and, albiet, an Ass when Fluttershy yells at him. He doesn't even question why shes mad bout the meat.
*facepalm sigh* just what I want…a main male lead with zero flaws, talks the way he writes, and with seemingly zero agenda…gee how imaginative. Let me guess, they're going to fall in love and this main male lead is actually just this writers foul attempt at trying to ship HIMSELF with fluttershy. Explains why hes so egotistical about his male lead.
@Anonymous (11:08)I say this in defence of the show not the fanfic cuz I quite frankly couodnt stand it. Yeah yeah okay grammar was good blah blah blah but it was so typical. Anyways, The Stare can't be magic because only Unicorns are capable of magic, I always saw Fluttershy's 'The Stare' as a characteristic, similar to hw your mother would give you a stare and you would nsturally feel intimidated.
@Lysis:I'm the dude who read Chapter 2 when just put it up during chat.As I said, I really have no comments other than what I've already said in google chat. Just one thing: don't let this be a human-bashing story. Considering it's called "The Kindness of Strangers" I doubt that's where you're going but just making sure.
@QuillDipperYeh that didnt make any sense, and I question why she is making such a big deal about a meat-eater, FFS there have been at least 2 FiM episodes where Fluttershy even feeds meat to her animals (the food was probably even some of her other pets)
4/5. Cool story, as far as i could tell it was very, very well written, the vocabulary was vast and understandable. The plot… it moves somewhat slower due to the precise, precise description. This aspects is liked by some, disliked by some; I think it helps the reader to fully understand the surroundings and really create an image in his head. I liked it, I'll probably read more
Oh man I love this story so much it's so good and detailed. I think the pacing is pretty perfect, but I can see why others might want it to slow down. More of a good thing and all.Looking forward to the third chapter SO HARD.
Overall sad and pathetic. Zero characterisation with non-existant characterisation in the dialogue to boot. There is no meaning to this story. There is just…so much wrong withnthis. The proper grammar use just makes it seem like you were actually trying hard to fail at something, or a desperate attempt to make people think this rubbish was good. I've already seen in a few comments, and I have to agree, that this is a sad attempt at an author attempting to ship himself with a female cartoon character. The Asaji name explanation came out of complete nowhere, which goes to show how the author was so uncomfortable with the comments regarding the name here that his transfered these emotions to his cartoon self. Pople seem to think that good grammar makes for a good story, and the way this is going, this author is going to continue to rely on this delusion to win over the weaker fanfic readers.
@AnonymousFAIL. Didn't you see the "No Shipping" tag up above? Unless the author is a complete idiot or a master troll, he's not going to do that.
@AnonymousYour comment, overall sad and pathetic, zero constructive criticism with non existent responsibility. There is so much wrong with your comment. The complaints about how grammar is used to cover up a story is a blatant show of you being an elitist grammar nazi. I don't agree with the other comments because if you had taken the time to talk with the author and understand instead of being a parasprite, you would know that this isn't a shipfic. People seem to think that being a complete douche in a comment just because your "anonymous" is acceptable, and the way your posting, I think it needs to change. Even with anonimity, you should still consider your words and take accountability.The pre-readers who are AUTHORS of 5 star fics themselves liked it.Now put your money where your mouth is and write your own god damn fic if you think this one sucks.
@AnonymousObviously I am amazing if you had to copy paste my criticism template. Owned.
OMG ANONYMOUS BATTLE
@AnonymousTemplate? So you use this on fics you don't like?P.S. U mad, bro?
@Anonymous (9:24)as mad as I can be reading terrible fanfics and being replied to by a nobhead attempting to fight with memes =)
Yay for the second update. The story is working out well so far, yet I would of liked more action or interesting character tidbits on our protagonist. I can imagine this fiction going in so many ways, especially given its time era. I really hope you take full advantage of the 1930's as a unique canvas to tell this tale. Also, just because there is no shipping, don't shy away from the platonic relationship of our duo. They do, after all, exhibit strong qualities of kindness and other similar traits; they can really form a strong bond of friendship (without shipping).
i too dont believe for an instant that this guy isnt living a fantasy of trying to ship himself lol. they always pretend they arent
The concept sounded interesting–a pony stuck on the 1930s Earth–but I'm disappointed by the execution. Asaji frankly seems like a Mary Sue/Gary Stu, of the "tough guy" variety. (Also, "Asaji"? I read the in-story explanation, but it was weak IMO.)But my primary complaint is that Fluttershy seems really dumbed down and depowered in this in order to make the "hero" look stronger. Yes, she is a shy and meek pony in the cartoon. But come on, having her feeling ashamed for telling someone they shouldn't eat animals? I could see her thinking "Okay, I have to cooperate with this monster until I can get away from him" and later coming to grips with the fact that people can good in one way and bad (to her) in another, or I could see her making friends with the guy over time first and THEN finding out he eats meat and struggling over it. But to have her feel ashamed for telling someone eating critters is wrong is out of character. That would be like Rainbow Dash feeling ashamed after telling someone that athletic competitions shouldn't be rigged or determined by bribes to the judges. "Bribes aren't morally wrong to ME, how dare you judge me!" Yeah, I don't think so.
Just read the two chapters. I like it. Compared to that other fic with the Mane cast and the Doctor turning into Humans and… going to some random guy's farm… doing chores… yeah. Couldn't finish it.I was hoping someone would do something more "Enchanted"-like. A lot of the problems I have with it have been mentioned. Mainly, there really isn't much in the story that really signifies a 30s setting. It just seemed like a quick and easy way to get modern tech out of the way. Like others have said 50s or 60s would've made more sense. Though, I love the idea of something post-Pearl Harbor, that would've made his "shameful name" much more relevant. I didn't like the blatant de-powering of The Stare to make Asaji look better either.Other than those minor gripes, I'm really enjoying the story and can't wait for more!
okay this is gonna sound really weird but who the f is gary stu or mary sue?
I love it.
Well, I personally believe all the negative comments should be ignored because if they are not being constructive critics then they are just jealous idiots who take the time to read the hard work of others (or maybe they don't in that case they're just a parasprite) and belittle that which the reader cannot create because of their lack of imagination. This fan-fic IMO is well written, provides a level of detail you wouldn't expect from an amateur author, and for that I thank you for creating such a well written world, although others may disagree.
Where to start? There seem to be an influx of readers with either zero reading comprehension or no grand picture of where the story is going. It's a story in progress in case you hadn’t noticed. If you’re going to nitpick, at least do it well. Let’s begin.>*facepalm sigh*I'm “face palming” already.>zero flaws, talks the way he writes, and with seemingly zero agendaIf you were paying attention you'd have noticed the myriad of flaws in the character. Talking the way he writes (I don't know who you're referring to here) is a stylistic choice that fits the character. Not having an agenda is a good thing. It's called the “Kindness of Strangers” for a reason you know.>gee how imaginative.I know! I've never seen a character like this before either! I'm glad you think it's imaginative too.>Let me guessAssumption>they're Who's they?>going to fall in love and this main male lead is actually just this writers foul attempt at trying to ship HIMSELF with fluttershy.This entire sentence is a grammatical train wreck, makes virtually no sense, and couldn't be more wrong.>Explains why hes so egotistical about his male lead.Assertion, and again wrong. He's the main character, the story revolves around him and Fluttershy. Get your head out of your ass before you try writing another comment.And are you trying to make a point or making baseless assumptions out your wazoo? If you've got a valid critique I'd love to hear it. But then again, I'd guess you're a troll (assumption) and that's why you write like a 10th grader (assertion). See how one proves the other? Oh wait, they don't…that's just you being an ass for seemingly no reason. If you have a valid critique and can act like a civilized human being for the few moments it takes to type something out then let's hear it. Otherwise, keep your stupidity to yourself and go read another story.>I say this in defence of the show not the fanfic cuz I quite frankly couodnt stand it.Do you have a reason for that or are you just mad and/or trolling?>Yeah yeah okay grammar was good blah blah blah but it was so typical.Grammar isn't everything but you still haven't made a point. What exactly is “typical” about this story? I'd love some examples…oh wait, you've got none.>Anyways, The Stare can't be magic because only Unicorns are capable of magicCouldn't be wronger in my opinion. Oh wait, everyone is entitled to their own opinion! Too bad you can't express yours in a civilized and grown up manner.Last I checked, your average mother couldn't stare down a Dragon or a Cockatrice (reversing their petrifying stare in the process). It can be magic if it makes sense for it to be magic. While I can see the kernel of a point in there, you're not expressing yourself properly. Your interpretations and opinions are not suddenly better than anyone else's, but I will thank you for not being a total asshat about things.As for all the “meat” talk, FS is a staunch vegetarian and animal lover. Think of her as the PETA/Vegan type. If you don't have to eat animals, then she probably thinks you shouldn't. It's all about reactions here people. How would you react if someone told you that the Holocaust never happened? Oh wait, someone's going to tell me that's a terrible example cause you can't possibly compare the two. Statement -> Reaction -> Rebuttal. Try and think about things on the grand scale.>Overall sad and pathetic.Because? Do you have anything to back this up?1/2
2/2>Zero characterisation with non-existant characterisation in the dialogue to boot.You're repeating yourself and couldn't be more wrong. You can't have read the whole story thus far and actually believe there isn't any characterization unless you're illiterate. For the sake of argument, if there was absolutely zero characterization, then that itself is characterization. The character can be either stoic or a blank slate. Either way, you're making stuff up.>There is no meaning to this story. There is just…so much wrong withnthis.Suddenly stories have to have meaning? I thought they were supposed to entertain people with their interesting characters and overarching plot. Try harder. As for “so much wrong withnthis [sic]” I'd love to hear some examples to support your accusations. Thus far, you've said nothing constructive and you've only made yourself look like more of a troll than you probably already are. Oh wait, that's an opinion. Funny things those opinions…>The proper grammar use just makes it seem like you were actually trying hard to fail at something, or a desperate attempt to make people think this rubbish was good.So you like bad grammar in stories then? Oh wait, it's a case of my opinion > your opinion. Well in my opinion you sound like a troll since you have no basis whatsoever for calling it “rubbish”. How exactly does one make someone else think something is good? As far as I know, that's near impossible so once again you're pulling stuff out of your ass.>I've already seen in a few comments, and I have to agree, that this is a sad attempt at an author attempting to ship himself with a female cartoon character.I must have missed those comments then, since I've seen nothing of the sort. Oh wait, you're referring to more trolls aren't you? There hasn't been an ounce of shipping so you're either projecting yourself onto the character and imagining shipping scenes within the story or White Knighting Fluttershy's honour for no reason whatsoever. Your favourite pony can interact with other characters without it being shipping you know.>The Asaji name explanation came out of complete nowhere, which goes to show how the author was so uncomfortable with the comments regarding the name here that his transfered these emotions to his cartoon self.You're making assumptions again. Terrible ones. God forbid an author address issues brought to light by the readership then? Or is it so unimaginable that with such an exotic name like “Asaji” that the author would want to explain it anyways? If you've got a point about execution then make it, otherwise keep your “opinions” to yourself.>Pople seem to think that good grammar makes for a good story, and the way this is going, this author is going to continue to rely on this delusion to win over the weaker fanfic readers.Yes, “pople” often like good grammar in a story, just as I like good spelling in general. You could write the best story on Earth and it would still be a piece of shit with terrible grammar. It doesn't work in reverse, but it can certainly help a good story be better. Troll harder.>The complaints about how grammar is used to cover up a story is a blatant show of you being an elitist grammar naziThere's nothing wrong with being a grammar nazi so long as you have VALID ARGUMENTS to back up the nitpicking. God knows I've disliked parts of otherwise excellent stories because the author didn't proofread it ahead of time and smooth out the grammar. Still, I'd agree. There's no point saying a story is BAD because it did things WELL.
>Now put your money where your mouth is and write your own god damn fic if you think this one sucks.While I can't help but agree with the overall sentiments of your post, there's no point telling people to do better themselves. If I read a bad story, I'm going to tell someone it's bad and base my opinion on ACTUAL EVIDENCE. Not tell them it sucks and they suck just because I don't like it and other shouldn't either.That seems to be the major problem here: people either haven't read the damn story thus far, or are ignoring the facts because they want to rage about it. They don't like it because it's against their principles and “shouldn't exist”. Complaining about good grammar? Are you frigging kidding me? That has to be the stupidest comment I have ever read.Try harder next time trolls! The best I can do is a 2/10 for making me reply and point out your stupidity and/or ignorance.-Hoss
Mary Sues/Gary Stus are self-insertion characters. Basically, they are the author as the author wishes she/he was. "Wow, I wish I could meet Mr. Spock! I also wish I was a beautiful 16 year old Star Trek officer named Darke Raven StarCrystal with naturally blue hair who is half-Vulcan who is also a physicist who is brilliant but misunderstood and at first Dr. McCoy doesn't like me but later we fall in love but then I sacrifice my life to save the Enterprise because I'm awesome like that and Captain Kirk sheds manly tears over my body. That sure would be an interesting story!" ^ Now, most Mary Sue stories won't be as obvious as that, but you get the idea. They are made to be perfect, to be the center of the story, and to amaze the canon characters they come in contact with. If they do have flaws, they will be ones that are "cool" or not really flaws (for example, "so beautiful everyone instantly falls in love with her, what a burden", "such an rugged individualist that he keeps losing jobs because he doesn't take crap from ANYONE.")
@AnonymousYou can't compare FS and RD to begin with. She isn't ashamed for advocating Vegetarianism, she's ashamed for having lost her temper and exploding on this guy and trying to use The Stare on him.
…The next chapter will take a bit longer to finish then the second one did. Also, I want to make it clear that I encourage honesty in the comments. Without criticism, nothing ever gets improved. Thanks for reading, one way or another.
@Anonymous@HossSo essentially, all you did was nitpick at the grammar of the criticism, and use arguments where you mix real life physics with MLP physics and expect people are going to take you seriously? What a laugh, none of what you said was valid.
Nice to see that you're taking the criticisms with a grain of salt even if the critics are being real dickbags about it. In a nutshell I thought the writing was good but the pacing was terrible. It's been two chapters, where's the road trip you promised?Character development for the OC could use some work as well. I mean he gets introduced as this mysterious 1930s hardass that may or may not have a troubled past and two (long) chapters later he hasn't changed, revealed much about himself, made me feel sympathetic or done anything really interesting besides drink himself into a stupor.Also, I agree with the comments about the setting, the 1950's would have fit so much better. Especially with the roadtrip theme, which you really need to get started on, have I mentioned that?Anyway, don't get discouraged!
@Anonymous0/10 for not even properly reading my posts.This is the problem, we've got people like you who can't see more than an inch in front of their faces.I did much more than nitpick the "grammar" of the posts (which in general was acceptable).>real life physics with MLP physicsI just checked and I didn't mention physics once. Troll harder.Plenty of intelligent people will and do take me seriously but I don't expect a troll like you to understand that.>none of what you said was validHa-ha-ha. Oh wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder. 0/10, too obvious.
The way the OC is written is still stiff, but it doesn't bother me very much. I think the characterization comes from what the author is showing us, not telling us. I mean, consider it this way. He lives alone (has only one chair in the kitchen? Is that normal?), he drinks, the building he lives in is falling apart, he has no money, he's only smiled once in almost 40 pages…He strikes me as deep, to be honest. Maybe Lysis is just holding back on his personal history? Or maybe he's a plot device. I really can't tell yet, and this is just me projecting.And as far as the setting, why not give Lysis a chance with it? It might have been easier if he had picked another time, so why did he pick this one? If you ask me, a story set during the Great Depression has potential to be more interesting then one set in the Fifties.Still, the pacing is….slow. I can't say that its weak though, because everything he's written so far is characterization, however subtle. The writing is above average, and Fluttershy is definitely Fluttershy. This is a five star story, IMO, and it has even more potential. Long fics like this always take some time to get started, and this one has kept me reading even though nothing has happened yet.
They hit the road in the next chapter. It would have been in this chapter, but then it would have been way too long.
Wow, these comments have two of my major pet peeves…First, any argument that says someone can't complain unless they can do better fails. A person can know what's right and wrong without being able to execute it themselves. If this weren't true there'd be no such thing as critics…or teachers.And no, a Mary Sue is not the same as a self insert. A character can be both, but neither is necessary for the other.As for the story, it's certainly not the best. It kinda….rambles I guess. And it seems to try to push a bit of over the top drama where it's not quite needed. Still, I'm a fan enough that I'll keep reading.
Third chapter entered the initial editing stages today. Thought some of you might like to know.
YES!
This is a very interesting story.
@sunset spurt Oh Sunset, I am writing a long fanfic that will in fact include gangsters. Tommyguns and all.
Alright! So happy to see the third chapter! Loving this story so far! Keep up the good work!
*deep breath* yay. The 3rd chapter's up!!!!! So happy, I really like this story!
oh Lysis,you're the best
I've read the third chapter now – and it's amazing!Fluttershy interacting with a bartender and restaurant is epic! Some backstory on Asaji! w00t.Can't wait for part 4, though i'm sure it'll take a while. You really upload huge chunks at a time! Makes for some great reading!
Oh my gosh! It's updated! I've checked everyday anyway. /creep.I'll read it now.
I have one word for this chapter: Bravo!
Wow, you really hit your stride with this latest chapter! Really enjoyed it! Can't wait for the next chapter.
I thoroughly enjoyed this read. My initial concerns about some self-ship nonsense were put to rest quickly and the story is moving along at a good pace. The original characters are convincing (and I can already see the beginnings of Asaji's evolution as a character beyond the stereotypical ANGST ANGST ANGST) and I enjoy pretending to know about the thirties! This is going on my list of fics to refresh for updates!
Great story! I'm loving the amount of depth you put into it! I can't wait for Chapter 4.
Whoa chapter 3! For a while there I thought this story would be abandoned. I'm glad I was wrong. This part added some great depth to Asaji, and makes the story more enjoyable.The Fluttershy scene within the bar was a bit ridiculous when reading.. Sal is definitely interesting, yet its confusing to why Fluttershy wouldn't be introduced properly to him given Sal's and Asaji's history. Just more questions to be explored in the next parts I hope.
@Tricky StepIt didn't seem odd to me. Asaji didn't talk to Sal about hardly any of his life and I could see him trying to keep her his business.
Best fanfic I have read!!!
Travel scene overstayed its welcome by a bit, but the backstory more than made up for it. This is still an odd little story at times (Fluttershy seems like an excuse for another story to exist, but I'm presuming this'll work itself out), but fairly good.
This fanfic is so great! I can't wait for more.
'She's going somewhere better than this. She's going home'I'm loving this so far.Its more elegant and well-written than I ever thought a human-equestrian crossover could be.Another ace, intriguing OC… and this one ain't even a pony!Really impressive work so far.
Great fan fic! And this is coming from a person who generally doesn't like fan fics. Feels reminiscent of the Dark Tower series, which is definitely a good thing. Keep up the great work.
I'm liking this so far.
Weeping Angels?
@Rainbow DerpWhat?
@AnonymousI guess you don't watch Doctor Who?
@Rainbow DerpI do. I'm just not getting why you're referencing them. 🙂
@AnonymousFluttershy was transported to the past and placed on Earth. Sounds a little like a Weeping Angel could have done it, eh? (note: I haven't finished the story yet.)
@Rainbow DerpHuh. Didn't realise that until now.
Like I said before, awesome chapter update! I wish you luck in the next chapter!And like I said in the live chat, you got sketch, I will color it! Just PM me at (http://ponibooru.413chan.net/user) or E-Mail me at (Brickstarrunner@gmail.com)Glad to help!
quoting arthur C clarke in the 30's? I am dissapoint. very very dissapoint.
… That made me smile… he played Chrono Trigger in the 20's? xD You just made my day by that being one of the two songs as a link! Thank you… (And a pretty good story so far!)
Well, I'm kind of surprised that reactions for this chapter are so overwhelmingly positive, especially after some specific reactions for the first two chapters. Don't get me wrong, I'm pleased as punch, and I figure after all the work I put into the third chapter that it better be good. That said though, don't hold your breath for the fourth chapter. Not immediately, anyway. I need to take the time to make it read well, make sense, advance the story, all those things that Chapter 3 seemed to do. I also have it in my head to work on a shorter side project at the moment to tie in with this story. Something Pony. Something to help me loosen up a bit. I'll be honest, I've never written pure pony before. I want to practice some of their personalities. Don't hold your breath for Chapter 4, but know that I'll do my very best to make 4 as good as it can be….even if it means writing it a hundred times over. >Also, people like the music? That's interesting. At least this time the links were easier to find. Since no one found it, I'll let it slip: First chapter, there's another hidden link near the beginning.>Until next time, see you all! You can sometimes catch me in the IRC chat, EquestrianStudy. I'd love to hear some more frank opinions on this.
So you are going to have a chapter or part of a chapter be what Twilight, Luna, Celestia and the other ponies are doing on the other side? Sounds cool.I was really hoping you would throw a jazz joint in at some point and you came through. (It was actually what I was thinking before noticing the update)You're a great writer, man. I never re-read fanfics but I have found myself re-reading this one several times.
Despite the comments, i'm not hating this story honestly.
This is.. THE BEST STORY EVER! I want this story to be completed, so I can read it all. NOW!GGAAHHH, I bucking love this!
Ok, I'm going to call it.When they get to the gateway, Asaji pauses and reflects on his life. He jumps through at the last second, to live the rest of his life as "Rolling Thunder"
@That Guy In The CornerNope.aviSide story is coming along. Five pages so far. One page of new chapter down, trying out something new to start it off.
…by the way, I thought I'd mention that I was looking for someone to do a picture for this fic. If anyone is, well, willing to draw something, come find me on the EquestrianStudy IRC channel. I'm just not completely comfortable putting my e-mail out here for all to see.