Story: StarPony: Wings of Liberty (Update Part 2!)

[Grimdark][Crossover] Starcraft time!

Author: Ben Chambers

Description: Twilight Sparkle attempts to create a new spell which can take her or anypony anywhere they want… Even into deep space. But, she soon learns it was the biggest mistake she could ever have made…

StarPony: Wings of Liberty Part 1
StarPony: Wings of Liberty Part 2 (New!)

Additional Tags: Twilight, StarCraft, War, Zerg, Protoss

This entry was posted in Author: Ben Chambers, Crossover, Grimdark, Incomplete, Star-4, Story. Bookmark the permalink.

20 Responses to Story: StarPony: Wings of Liberty (Update Part 2!)

  1. Gypsy says:

    part 2 fuck yeah, update first :3

  2. @ForderzIt's even more prevalent with chapter two. This is gonna sound really, really harsh… Apologies in advance. I'm not bashing you, I'm criticizing.Chambers, you flip back and forth between tenses, back and forth omniscience and limited (as Forderz said), and from Dickensian prose to a total flatness that sounds like someone reciting an encyclopedia entry, quite a lot. It makes the story pacing jarring and difficult to hang on to. I love ponies and I love Starcraft, but your writing makes this an effort to read. You've also got a lot of redundancies and mild contradictions ("snickered a chuckle"? Those are two different kinds of laughs.)Focus more on the story than trying to impress your readers with prose. If the story is solid enough, heartfelt enough, the words will simply come. You don't have to force them. (In contradiction to this, I'd say you didn't put enough into Twilight saving the final transport. I'm a quick reader, only slightly tired and I zipped right over it, almost missing it completely. You have to make super-important moments like that stand out.)

  3. Anonymous says:

    Battlecruisers don't land. They either dock or remain in orbit.

  4. TillsterRulz says:

    As much as I love MLP And SC2, I don't think they should be combined together.Sorry, it's just what I think.

  5. Anonymous says:

    @GrifWasn't Equestria always treated as a country? In the Dragonshy episode, Applejack exclaims "What in the name of all things cinnamon swirls is a dragon doing HERE in Equestria?" and at the end, Twilight writes to Celestia informing her that the dragon has "departed our fair country". My interpretation was that Equestria was but a mere country, and there were others in their world, perhaps the country of gryphons. This is the premise for my upcoming fanfic, so I hope I didn't interpret wrong.Unless you were talking about being a country on planet Earth. Then I see your point.

  6. chambers says:

    @AnonymousIt never did land, it sent troops down in shuttles.

  7. chambers says:

    @Crimson ValorThank you for your criticism, I know you are not bashing me, only trying to help.You see, writing scripts has always been my thing, and I've just recently tried to switch over to novel stories such as this, so its only natural that I screw a few things up on my first big try- though I've tried writing a few things in the past. If the pre-readers of Eqd think its postable like this, however… I'm not going to dispute it. All I can really say is, I'm working on it, and I'm working on becoming a better writer. I'm going to try taking a few courses and get better, pay better attention to my tenses and focus on being more limited, and focus more on how I word actions. Limited feels like a good way to go with this story, but there are just some things I want to explain that it wont allow, and when I don't it causes a lot of confusion.And I will add more to when Twilight does her thing at the end.Thank you for your criticism. 😀

  8. and yet theres no fan fictions for what starcraft was stolen from… Blizzard took starcraft from Warhammer 40k, and changed some concepts to make it more their own. IE: Marines look like Space Marines, Zurg look like Tyranids, the aliens with plasmaswords (I dont know what htey are called) Are a mix of Tau and Eldar. I don't know if there are any starcraft fans out there who would disagree. But its true. And I'll admit, starcraft did a good job modifying designs, they made a few things their own and I'll give them credit for that, but all the base ideas they stole are not deserving of respect.

  9. just did a quick bout of research on creation dates to confirm this. Warhammer 40k was conceived in 1987, where starcraft was made by blizzard (after their relations with games-workshop grew sour) in 1999 for Mac OS. Warhammer never had a game made to do them honor past the table top edition because the company who was supposed to release a game for them broke away and released it, after changing character designs slightly… as guess what! WARCRAFT. Blizzard beat Games-workshop to the game market and skyrocketed to popularity while Games-workshop remained its own little company that made table top miniatures for war gamers. I'm not saying warcraft and starcraft arent fun, i'm just saying they are ripoffs of the original.yes I hate to come in here and spew my knowledge at people who enjoy this. Go ahead and enjoy it 🙂 I've said my 2 cents and am done. Just keep that in mind.

  10. KShrike says:

    Red flag at the F bomb. Starcraft 2 is rated Teen, not M. The F bomb was never used, so regardless of anything, Tychus is out of character. In fact, I don't believe that much profanity was used in the Starcraft series at all.Crossover or not, Tychus is out of character. This is Starcraft, not Warhammer.

  11. Andrew says:

    AHHHHHHHHHHHHG I NEED TO SEE THE NEXT CHAPTER SO BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD.

  12. Anonymous says:

    Vladimir get off your condescending haunches for a second. EVERYONE rips off everyone. Do you think your wh40k is so original? It's art style is influenced by gothic designs. The three races thing is more from starship troopers than wh40k, with the only striking similarity between sc and wh40k being the zerg and only the terran infantry.Wh40k itself is ripped from whfantasy, which has striking resemblence to Lord of the rings, wouldnt you say? Lotr, starship troopers, and AvP the comic were all from the fifties. LotR gets its influences from mythology and starship troopers got their bugs from nature. Nothing is original, least of all your 40k. So kindly turn off your superiority air please.Starcraft and warcraft have managed to become huge hits, born from the hard work of several people over at blizzard. So what if they stole a few visual aspects? They deserve just as much respect for building an entire universe distinctly seperate from wh40k.

  13. Freefox says:

    Not bad, I liek it, the history is coming good, nice warfare

  14. lol, My name is Valmir not Vladimir. And i'm just saying its more original than any of blizzards stuff. If you visit games-workshop, they do lord of the rings miniatures and stuff. I never said they didnt work their ass off and hit massive popularity. I was just making it a known fact that warcraft and starcraft were born out of bad relations between blizzard and Games-Workshop. But yes, down to its fantasy basics, everything has a base in Dungeons and Dragons, the original RPG. And i gave blizzard credit where credit was due. I was just stating the reasons why I liked warhammer fantasy, and warhammer 40k, over warcraft and starcraft. One of the bigger things I noticed between them, is the story behind warcraft is very vague and basic. (from the books and reviews ive read) and Warhammer always evolves in some way, I never said they dont copy Ideas themselves, I simply stated that they came before blizzards stuff. The stories for warhammer have the deepest plots of betrayals, violence, action sequences, suspense and horror that I have ever read. Which was the selling point for me. I read a few Warcraft books and they were all far too plain, where I could actually be immersed in a story from the warhammer and warhammer 40k universe. (I recommend Dan Abnett as a good literature starting point, as he is a god of writing.) I give credit to blizzard for making a hugely successful game, and becoming a world wide phenomenon. While I give warhammer its credit for its unique and evolving story, they always add new things, always add new strategies. It just has evolved more noticeably than Starcraft and them. I may seem to come off with an Air of superiority, when i'm just trying to state my opinion freely and state my reasons. And you realize that Warhammer Fantasy and Warhammer 40,000 are from the same damn company? 40k is the future fantasy, while they have warhammer fantasy for the sword and shield fantasy, they did that on purpose.

  15. holy crud I typed alot >.> Sorry about that.

  16. ZarPaulus says:

    Hmm, looks like the Princesses are still worshiped by the Koprulu ponies as goddesses so I'm guessing that by the time Twilight was sent to they're dead. Without them Equestria underwent a series of revolutions until eventually they formed the UED and packed a bunch of undesireables onto starships.Or something like that.

  17. >“Wrath of Luna’s dick incomin’!” PFFFFAHAHAHAHAHHA

  18. Anonymous says:

    Well yes Vlamir (I tend not to notice slight differences in spelling) I did realize fantasy and 40k came from the same company. Having the same IP attached to them, I'd assume that would be quite obvious.Blizzard titles are more about the game play. That has always been their focus. Games workshop aims for inducing awe in their audience and building up a feeling of being immersed in something so much bigger than them. They purposely create fanboys through the back story so they sell more figurines. Its what D&D was about, escapism.In the end they're two different companies excelling(well.. maybe blizzard is starting to go downhill a bit) at two different mediums with two different methods at achieving the same goal, moolah.So it's really irrelevant to go around claiming something is "original" and everything else is a "ripoff" of it. Doing so is asking for trouble. That said, I'm glad you're a lot more reasonable than many of the warhammer fanatics I've seen, so let us both shut up because we're creating a bastion of negativity on a site about multicolored ponies on a journey of friendship. I think you and I can both agree that Ponies=Win

  19. chambers says:

    @Valmir_R0yalGuArdI understand what you are saying. Now what I'm saying is StarCraft is awesome… Warhammer is awesome too… Let's just play some dang games. :)@ZarPaulusI was worried this may cause some confusion, but don't worry! I have a plan for all that, I'm not shooting into the dark with whatever my mind tells my hands to type- I've put a layout and backstory to the whole thing! 😀

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