Story: Uncharted Lands (Update Part 2!)



[Crossover][Grimdark][Shipping][Adventure][Random] The Uncharted fan pre-reader wanted more! Hopefully the rest of you will too! Sort of at a loss for an image here. 

Author: Grrys

Description: How did Celestia and Luna raise the Sun and Moon (respectively) before they used their magic to do so? What happens when said object decides to pay them a visit? And what happens to Equestria when it brings around 500 humans or so with it? And turns them ALL into ponies? And what happens when Pinkie gets an MP40?

Uncharted Lands
Uncharted Lands Part 2 (New!) 

Additional Tags: Long, Uncharted, Pinkie Sense, MP40

This entry was posted in Adventure, Author: Grrys, Celestia, Crossover, Everypony, Grimdark, Incomplete, Luna, OC Ponies, Random, Shipping, Star-4, Story. Bookmark the permalink.

25 Responses to Story: Uncharted Lands (Update Part 2!)

  1. Anonymous says:

    Are you sure you have used enough tags for the story? I think the [sad] one is still missing πŸ™‚

  2. Beese says:

    5 TagsSeriously GuysGuys SeriouslySeriously Guys

  3. ZettaLux says:

    Ooh Uncharted – I loved those games. I shall give this story a readover.

  4. Fluttershy says:

    I thought I would never see a story with more than 3 tags here. It's only missing the "Sad" tag :S

  5. KidNeo says:

    5 tags? Really? Really. REALLY?! Oh, look it activated my Miz mode. It's a fun story though. I've always loved the Uncharted series. πŸ˜€

  6. Anonymous says:

    lmaoNEEDZ MOAR TAGZ

  7. Dawid says:

    "And what happens when Pinkie gets an MP40?"ok this got my attention.

  8. Uncharted….?YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES!!!!

  9. Fluttershy says:

    Quite a few typos in there. And it seemed rushed, almost. However, it was quite funny to read, and the idea is great. And I can't wait until Pinkie Pie gets an MP40!The reaction from the former humans were rather unrealistic, even if this is a Random story. I'm gonna give it a 3/5. It needs some polishing. Had it fixed what was mentioned, it would recieve an instant 5/5!

  10. mrscrib says:

    Needs lots of polish. And AJ leaves Twilight in the company of two strange stallions? Sorry, doesn't follow. She'd be more likely sticking around to keep an eye on them, "And don't yah be tryin' none of that there funny business, yah hear!"

  11. MihailK says:

    MOAR! NAO!Sorry for the severe lack of elequence, I but I simply had to emphasize the fact that your next part should be done by tomorrow.It's either that or manual strangulation.Your choice.

  12. markocezar says:

    Nice, Humans coming to Equestria and all that stuff, makes me wanna read mor-, um MOAR!

  13. markocezar says:

    @markocezarThat , before Humans is a .

  14. Anonymous says:

    Pinkie with an MP40?…Well hell, I usually don't read Grimdark or shipping, but this sure as hay caught my attention…

  15. Anonymous says:

    Uncharted crossover?!DO. WANT.

  16. Grif says:

    Writing is okay, but could really use a proofreader or three. Characterisation was spot on though.

  17. Anonymous says:

    "Its only missing the [Sad] tag"WRONG! Its also missing comedy.Yeah… Just had to say that.

  18. Anonymous says:

    I shall read it for the MP40 Pinkie Pie. In fact, I can't wait for that.

  19. Anonymous says:

    It is really rushed along unfortunately. It goes by too fast, and bothers me some.I like the idea though.And it should get the comedy tag at some point seeing as Nathan Drake is in it…

  20. Anonymous says:

    More please! This makes me want to go buy Uncharted.

  21. sklar says:

    Uncharted= Nazis Nazis everywhere

  22. Anonymous says:

    Alrighty then… I like how this is going for the most part. It's pretty funny and the ponies seem to be developing pretty okay and they're all in character as far as I can tell…But a few points of interest. First of all it's very VERY rushed feeling. It feels as though there's no time spent developing scenes or conveying reactions to the events transpiring by either the cast of uncharted or the ponies. Scenes come and go faster than you can say Twitcha Twitch! And this gets very annoying. Spend some more time describing and showing us the surroundings and giving us a sense of atmosphere. Furthermore, spend more time showing us the reactions of the characters. A lot of it seems dull or nonchalant in places. I understand that Nathan Drake has seen some serious sh*t in his time, but I think he'd have more of a reaction to his situation than "Oh hey, a talking zebra. Neat. Oh hey, I have hooves now… that's new… Wonder why that Zebra's going to get cider… huh." I understand that he's seen bigtime events in his life but this probably blows them all out of the water. I think that there should be more definite, developedd, and elaborate reactions to the things going on around him and his compatriots. Spend more time with it. Add more.On top of that, I can't say this for certain, but I'm going to guess that English isn't your first language, am I correct? I say this because there's an astounding number of grammatical errors, phrases that simply sound awkwardly worded, and statements that sound like there's some sort of syntax mess up. If this is the case and English ISN'T your first language, might I suggest collaborating with a partner who DOES speak English as his/her first language? Or if English is your first language, might I suggest collaborating with an editor… someone experienced with writing. Either way, you can't go wrong.Other than the things I've mentioned, however, I really REALLY liked this. It was fun, silly, funny, and a blast to read. I can't deny that the above issues made some parts hard to get through though. You have a good basis here. Just fix up the above issues and it'll be golden πŸ˜€

  23. Dashalicious says:

    @MelodiaYeah they suck! Putting this fanfiction in mono rather than Dolby 5.1!

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