[Shipping][Sad] Twidash!
Author: Staeg Masque
Description: Many years have passed—ponies have moved on, and the Elements of Harmony themselves are now aged. One fateful day, Twilight Sparkle’s beloved student, a young filly named Marina, poses a question to her teacher and, through the story her teacher tells her, learns an important lesson about going after what one desires.
You Can’t Be Missed If You Never Left Part 1
You Can’t Be Missed If You Never Left Part 2
You Can’t Be Missed If You Never Left Part 3
You Can’t Be Missed If You Never Left Part 4
You Can’t Be Missed If You Never Left Part 5 (New!)
Additional Tags: Stories, Love, Regret, Acceptance, Lessons
equestriadaily 
Weirdest ship ever
Weirdest? TwiDash is my favorite ;-;
Weirdest ship ever is Rarity and Doc Scratch;)
Welp, I wish there had been another chapter before this had been submitted. Really leaves me unable to judge the story without it.Gimmie moar.
i don't know why but i just love fics that involve old twilight talking about her life
@ZAquanimus There actually is another chapter. I'm sure it's on the way up.
@AnonymousNot even close. Apple Bloom / Celestia is way weirder. Hell, I remember reading Angel x Fluttershy. TwiDash at least has it's own portmanteau!
If we're restricting to mane cast, I would posit that Rarity x Dash is way weirder.
@swweetThat is a freakin' weird ship…
The weirdest ship I've ever seen would be that Dash/Fluttershy ficBut on to the story, Wow. It certainly looks good so far. Its nice and believable. And I'm definitely going to be waiting for updates.
@swweetNow I'm curious if there's actually anything about this ship anywhere.
Weirdest ship is Trixie x Trixie. I'm not saying it's the most unlikely, but it would be the craziest. So much talking in 3rd person.
weirdest ship is Fluttershy x tree
Weirdest ship is Twilight x Canterlot. The city itself, not any of the ponies that live there.
Weirdest ship ever is Nightmare Moon and and Dr. Whoof. All in a three- way with CheerileeO-O
Weirdest ship is Rainbowdash X Cumulus cloud. I shit you not.
Cute and sweet….but as someone else said, there needs to be more. Even by fanfiction serial standards, it just feels really unfinished, like it just /stopped/ in the middle of things for no reason.(And these comments make me REALLY curious….Apple Bloom/Celestia? Twilight/*Canterlot*?)
@Melodia There is more of it, it's just not up yet. I'm currently working on chapter 3.
Nothing wrong with Applebloom x Celestia if you assume it's set somewhat in the future. Unless you object to mortal x Celestia in general.Why is Twidash a weird ship, anyhow?
@swweetnotsureifwant.jpgHow about Snowman/Fluttershy for weirdest?
Weirdest ship is Granny Smith and Apple Bloom
@Anonymous Sick and wrong. Op here, I relent, I meant weirdest ship thats plausible. And I wasn't thinkin.
really well written! do you plan on writing more chapters? by the end of that i would have too assume so but im not perfectly sure
I would just like to say:Weirdest ship ever is Rainbow x Spoon. Not Silverspoon. A spoon.And yes, it has been written.
Agreeing with the others. I really enjoyed what I read, but I feel like I've been duped. At least I won't have to pay Microsoft Points to get the rest, just wait… …Ok is it ready yet? D:
Agreeing with the others. I really enjoyed what I read, but I feel like I've been duped. At least I won't have to pay Microsoft Points to get the rest, just wait… …Ok is it ready yet? D:
@hawkysuLook, you can go as insane as you want if we open this up to random objects…
@hawkysuLook, you can go as insane as you want if we open this up to random objects…
Confound these shipping fics they drive me to read and want moar!
Confound these shipping fics they drive me to read and want moar!
@StaegMasqueRight, it's obvious the story isn't done but as I said, even by normal fanfiction standards this somehow seems like it stopped short. I'm not sure what it is — it just doesn't really feel like a complete chapter, as it were.
@StaegMasqueRight, it's obvious the story isn't done but as I said, even by normal fanfiction standards this somehow seems like it stopped short. I'm not sure what it is — it just doesn't really feel like a complete chapter, as it were.
Really cute fic, hurry up and get the rest of it out.
Really cute fic, hurry up and get the rest of it out.
@Anonymoushawt
@Anonymoushawt
@AnonymouscorrectionTHIS hawt
@AnonymouscorrectionTHIS hawt
"What were these feelings? What did they mean?"I stopped reading right there. I'm sorry, but if you can't come up with a better way to write a love story, then it's probably best if you don't.I'm rather tired of seeing this as a reason for two ponies to suddenly "love" each other… *sigh* but oh well.
"What were these feelings? What did they mean?"I stopped reading right there. I'm sorry, but if you can't come up with a better way to write a love story, then it's probably best if you don't.I'm rather tired of seeing this as a reason for two ponies to suddenly "love" each other… *sigh* but oh well.
@StreakTheFox I'm sorry it wasn't to your taste. I didn't mean to upset anypony.
@StreakTheFox I'm sorry it wasn't to your taste. I didn't mean to upset anypony.
Lunabacus?
Lunabacus?
I'm sure I'd love to give this a good rating… but I can't help but notice that 90 percent of the story seems to be missing. Also, weirdest ship ever is Pinkamena and Slender Mane.
I'm sure I'd love to give this a good rating… but I can't help but notice that 90 percent of the story seems to be missing. Also, weirdest ship ever is Pinkamena and Slender Mane.
@Kierrin Halcyon"Hey! That's what I said!" Awww… And I was gonna say that… Good form Kierrin, good form. -_-And yes I agree with Kierrin, just imagine it. Slender Mane begins to stalk Pinkie, but she's immune to the fear he instills in every other pony. In fact she welcomes the stalking and begins to stalk him with her fourth wall breaking powers. They finally meet and join forces to kill both Luna and Celestia and bring about everlasting Darkness, not just night, darkness. It would be the ultimate Grimdark/Shipping/Comedy fic ever written… 😀
@Kierrin Halcyon"Hey! That's what I said!" Awww… And I was gonna say that… Good form Kierrin, good form. -_-And yes I agree with Kierrin, just imagine it. Slender Mane begins to stalk Pinkie, but she's immune to the fear he instills in every other pony. In fact she welcomes the stalking and begins to stalk him with her fourth wall breaking powers. They finally meet and join forces to kill both Luna and Celestia and bring about everlasting Darkness, not just night, darkness. It would be the ultimate Grimdark/Shipping/Comedy fic ever written… 😀
This is chapter 3. :O
This is chapter 3. :O
Chapter 2 has been skipped! STOP THE PRESSES
Chapter 2 has been skipped! STOP THE PRESSES
This links to chapter 3. PLEASE LINK THE CORRECT ONE-WAIT IF THREE IS OUT WHY IS TWO THE UPDATE
This links to chapter 3. PLEASE LINK THE CORRECT ONE-WAIT IF THREE IS OUT WHY IS TWO THE UPDATE
@NinesTempestThe author said herethat there was a second chapter already written and submitted. I'm assuming a goof on Seth's side.
@NinesTempestThe author said herethat there was a second chapter already written and submitted. I'm assuming a goof on Seth's side.
oicso seth is just a silly filly with wrong linksoh seth
oicso seth is just a silly filly with wrong linksoh seth
ALso, if the title for part 2 is formatted exactly the same as these two, I couldn't find it through the search on googledocs.
ALso, if the title for part 2 is formatted exactly the same as these two, I couldn't find it through the search on googledocs.
@NinesTempest On Google Docs, they're all titled Can't Be Missed, Chap X.
@NinesTempest On Google Docs, they're all titled Can't Be Missed, Chap X.
@StaegMasqueCould you give us a direct link to Chapter 2 here in the comments? I can't seem to find it via searching either.
@StaegMasqueCould you give us a direct link to Chapter 2 here in the comments? I can't seem to find it via searching either.
this is really good so far! keep up the good work, 5 stars
this is really good so far! keep up the good work, 5 stars
@Oleetar I emailed Seth about the issue; I want to wait for a bit before posting a direct link to see if the issue gets corrected.
@Oleetar I emailed Seth about the issue; I want to wait for a bit before posting a direct link to see if the issue gets corrected.
@StaegMasqueAre you sure it's set to shared?
@StaegMasqueAre you sure it's set to shared?
THIS IS SAD, MUCH MORE THAN ANITHING
THIS IS SAD, MUCH MORE THAN ANITHING
I am loveing this can't wait for more
I am loveing this can't wait for more
Third chapter made me cry… *sighs* I hope it does end well.
Third chapter made me cry… *sighs* I hope it does end well.
Yeah so… read that without knowing what a ship fiction was. Now I know. O.O But it was really well written and enjoyable. I don't like reading that sort of thing for the risk that it will be bad and just mess up watching the normal show for me… don't think this one will, thankfully.
Yeah so… read that without knowing what a ship fiction was. Now I know. O.O But it was really well written and enjoyable. I don't like reading that sort of thing for the risk that it will be bad and just mess up watching the normal show for me… don't think this one will, thankfully.
Angel Bunny and Luna's Abacus.
Angel Bunny and Luna's Abacus.
I am a man who is resistant to tears… luckily… I downright refuse to cry for various personal reason (which I don't care to explain here).As somebody who refused shed a single tear at a friends funeral (had to make jokes… yeah I am that guy and so was he so it was the right thing to do) This story… for some reason… is touching… More so than any ship fic should be!!!Perhaps I am messed up in the head and rambling because of lack of sleep…TL;DR It is sad and happy and I want MOAR!!
I am a man who is resistant to tears… luckily… I downright refuse to cry for various personal reason (which I don't care to explain here).As somebody who refused shed a single tear at a friends funeral (had to make jokes… yeah I am that guy and so was he so it was the right thing to do) This story… for some reason… is touching… More so than any ship fic should be!!!Perhaps I am messed up in the head and rambling because of lack of sleep…TL;DR It is sad and happy and I want MOAR!!
Awww ; The ending in chapter 3 is really sad. Well written story I can't wait for more.
Awww ; The ending in chapter 3 is really sad. Well written story I can't wait for more.
This really isn't sad….bittersweet would be a better word perhaps? At least not yet…But the end of the third chapter…..hmmm, I wonder…too obvious or am I just that weird in my WMGing?But whatever. It's much more satisfying as a serial now, anyway.
This really isn't sad….bittersweet would be a better word perhaps? At least not yet…But the end of the third chapter…..hmmm, I wonder…too obvious or am I just that weird in my WMGing?But whatever. It's much more satisfying as a serial now, anyway.
You really should continue this, I'm looking forward to so much more.
You really should continue this, I'm looking forward to so much more.
I hate you for writing this tearjerker thing. Make it all end completely happy.
I hate you for writing this tearjerker thing. Make it all end completely happy.
Where is my sad or bittersweet tags, they are needed!Great story so far, I just know this will end with me crying thoughWhy why why! /stupid well writen sadfic's
Where is my sad or bittersweet tags, they are needed!Great story so far, I just know this will end with me crying thoughWhy why why! /stupid well writen sadfic's
This is good… very good… i want moar… yes indeed much moar…
This is good… very good… i want moar… yes indeed much moar…
this is painful to read. Counfound these pony fics, they druve me to tears.
this is painful to read. Counfound these pony fics, they druve me to tears.
Oh so good…. Not gonna cry…. No…I'm not gonna cry….
Oh so good…. Not gonna cry…. No…I'm not gonna cry….
I love/hate comics set after the series. It's cool to see how the ponies moved on, but when you have bad things happening to them or when they're really old, I just can't stand it. I hope this fic has a nice ending. HINT:DASH FOUND THE FOUNTAIN??? :3
I love/hate comics set after the series. It's cool to see how the ponies moved on, but when you have bad things happening to them or when they're really old, I just can't stand it. I hope this fic has a nice ending. HINT:DASH FOUND THE FOUNTAIN??? :3
Why do I feel like the fountain is a cover up.Dash had other reasons behind leaving and Twilight just doesn't want to say it.
Why do I feel like the fountain is a cover up.Dash had other reasons behind leaving and Twilight just doesn't want to say it.
@BenXTHAT'S BECAUSE SHE'S *DEAD*
@BenXTHAT'S BECAUSE SHE'S *DEAD*
@AnonymousTHAT'S NOT TRUETHAT'S IMPOSSIBLE
@AnonymousTHAT'S NOT TRUETHAT'S IMPOSSIBLE
@BenXAlright, chapter 4 is on the way everypony. I appreciate all the comments, ratings, and support :3. You guys are the best.
@BenXAlright, chapter 4 is on the way everypony. I appreciate all the comments, ratings, and support :3. You guys are the best.
Awesome chapter there. Really liked the ending. Great little heartwarmer.
Awesome chapter there. Really liked the ending. Great little heartwarmer.
As Rainbow Dash would say Oh My Gosh! Oh My Gosh!Oh My Gosh! i loved this chapter so MUCH!!!!!!!!
As Rainbow Dash would say Oh My Gosh! Oh My Gosh!Oh My Gosh! i loved this chapter so MUCH!!!!!!!!
Ahhh.I like this story, no complaining throughout, EXCEPT for the Wonderbolt Audition in Chapter 4. I feel as though it was a little…rushed.Like, BAM, you're the 7th to get a perfect score, take your plaque, suit and happiness right after your performance.No big deal, just something I was thinking about.
Ahhh.I like this story, no complaining throughout, EXCEPT for the Wonderbolt Audition in Chapter 4. I feel as though it was a little…rushed.Like, BAM, you're the 7th to get a perfect score, take your plaque, suit and happiness right after your performance.No big deal, just something I was thinking about.
i love it
i love it
wait i why how. win!chapter 5 pwease!
wait i why how. win!chapter 5 pwease!
Oh man this is amazing. It's like… the already bittersweet tone of the "past" story is punctuated by the much sadder tone of the "present" story. Which makes it a very hard story to read but also a very great one. I can't wait for the next chapter!…I hope it has a happy ending. I… can't take the thought of the ponies growing old and dying. ;-; I hope Rainbow Dash comes back…
Oh man this is amazing. It's like… the already bittersweet tone of the "past" story is punctuated by the much sadder tone of the "present" story. Which makes it a very hard story to read but also a very great one. I can't wait for the next chapter!…I hope it has a happy ending. I… can't take the thought of the ponies growing old and dying. ;-; I hope Rainbow Dash comes back…
D'aaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwThis series just makes me want to hug Twilight! We need moar chapters! Come on! MOAR! MOAR! MOAR!
D'aaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwThis series just makes me want to hug Twilight! We need moar chapters! Come on! MOAR! MOAR! MOAR!
Truly a splendid story you got here.Just the right amount of mushy-gushy stuff (considering Marina is listening), and very well written with both balance and flow. It felt like the audition was a bit rushed, as stated earlier, but that's about the only criticism I'll give. You build an interesting excitement curve, with a "dawwww" drop at the very end, which hits the right spot IMO. I dunno if there is a chapter 5 coming, but I felt like the story needed some sort of closure with the Marina/Twilight side of the story…I like the retrospective storytelling, and some of the other mechanisms you employ, such as the passing of certain ponies, and as sad as it may be, it's a powerful, though cruel, emotional tool.I don't usually read too much shipping stories(to preserve the canon in my head),but you got a good story going here. Keep up the good work.
Truly a splendid story you got here.Just the right amount of mushy-gushy stuff (considering Marina is listening), and very well written with both balance and flow. It felt like the audition was a bit rushed, as stated earlier, but that's about the only criticism I'll give. You build an interesting excitement curve, with a "dawwww" drop at the very end, which hits the right spot IMO. I dunno if there is a chapter 5 coming, but I felt like the story needed some sort of closure with the Marina/Twilight side of the story…I like the retrospective storytelling, and some of the other mechanisms you employ, such as the passing of certain ponies, and as sad as it may be, it's a powerful, though cruel, emotional tool.I don't usually read too much shipping stories(to preserve the canon in my head),but you got a good story going here. Keep up the good work.
@Anonymous Thank you very much! Yes, chapter 5 is on the way, and it will close the story. I really appreciate the well put-together criticism.
@Anonymous Thank you very much! Yes, chapter 5 is on the way, and it will close the story. I really appreciate the well put-together criticism.
Masterfully written! Wonderful! Touching! I absolutely cannot wait for Chapter 5!
Masterfully written! Wonderful! Touching! I absolutely cannot wait for Chapter 5!
This was a excellent read. i hope there are going to be several more chapters before its done 🙂
This was a excellent read. i hope there are going to be several more chapters before its done 🙂
Mortality is something I just don't associate with the MLP universe, so the concept of aging clashes in my mind.
Mortality is something I just don't associate with the MLP universe, so the concept of aging clashes in my mind.
This is pretty well done, but I've always thought that the storytelling formula of storytelling automatically weakens the story as a whole, as we are frequently reminded that what is happening is in the past, not the present. I had forgotten until the end of the chapter.It's like this:"This character is presently going to tell a story of the past.""This is happening now.""Nevermind, this is happening in the past. I forgot."
This is pretty well done, but I've always thought that the storytelling formula of storytelling automatically weakens the story as a whole, as we are frequently reminded that what is happening is in the past, not the present. I had forgotten until the end of the chapter.It's like this:"This character is presently going to tell a story of the past.""This is happening now.""Nevermind, this is happening in the past. I forgot."
omgosh!!! i wait the 5 part of this awesome fanfic
omgosh!!! i wait the 5 part of this awesome fanfic
Is…is that the ending, or is there more?
Is…is that the ending, or is there more?
So, before I read this, I need to know, is there a sad tag missing? Because every one of the Old Twilight stories I've ever read has been sad as hell.
So, before I read this, I need to know, is there a sad tag missing? Because every one of the Old Twilight stories I've ever read has been sad as hell.
I hope that there's a chapter five, just to close up the whole conversation with Twilight/Marina. The concept of aging in the MLP:FiM world is a hard thing to cope with. I'm sure this story just makes it seems like it happens faster than it would feel like if you were there, but still. (I actually started to tear up upon hearing that Fluttershy was the one to die first.)And now what I've wanted to say about the end of the fourth chapter for a while now:aaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
I hope that there's a chapter five, just to close up the whole conversation with Twilight/Marina. The concept of aging in the MLP:FiM world is a hard thing to cope with. I'm sure this story just makes it seems like it happens faster than it would feel like if you were there, but still. (I actually started to tear up upon hearing that Fluttershy was the one to die first.)And now what I've wanted to say about the end of the fourth chapter for a while now:aaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
This comment has been removed by the author.
This comment has been removed by the author.
OH MY GOSH.This story just literally updated as I typed my previous post. I liked the final chapter, and the part at the end was cute but how exactly do you hold hooves? XD
OH MY GOSH.This story just literally updated as I typed my previous post. I liked the final chapter, and the part at the end was cute but how exactly do you hold hooves? XD
The conclusion was… excellent, if not happy. Which made me sad.But anyway, great story! Admittedly, I didn't expect a shipping story to so expertly blend emotions into a very, VERY bittersweet story. The emotions Old!Twilight feels are extremely well conveyed, and now my heart hurts. ;-;And someone please stick a sad tag on this. I mean, seriously.
The conclusion was… excellent, if not happy. Which made me sad.But anyway, great story! Admittedly, I didn't expect a shipping story to so expertly blend emotions into a very, VERY bittersweet story. The emotions Old!Twilight feels are extremely well conveyed, and now my heart hurts. ;-;And someone please stick a sad tag on this. I mean, seriously.
that was so fluffy i almost died
that was so fluffy i almost died
That was realty good, the ending almost made me cry
That was realty good, the ending almost made me cry
D'awwwwwww. I am INCREDIBLY impressed with the way you handled Dash's departure. I think very few people out there have the skill necessary to handle such a delicate scene, and you did it perfectly. Bravo.
D'awwwwwww. I am INCREDIBLY impressed with the way you handled Dash's departure. I think very few people out there have the skill necessary to handle such a delicate scene, and you did it perfectly. Bravo.
…Here. Five stars. Just… Just take them. I need to go cry a little at such a bittersweet end… And imagine that in the afterlife Dash and Twilight are happily together again.
…Here. Five stars. Just… Just take them. I need to go cry a little at such a bittersweet end… And imagine that in the afterlife Dash and Twilight are happily together again.
Loved the ending made me cry
Loved the ending made me cry
NEEDS SAD TAG
NEEDS SAD TAG
At least it wasn't as heart-crushing as The Three Notes.
At least it wasn't as heart-crushing as The Three Notes.
Loved it… good ending, left me feeling sad yet happy and content.
Loved it… good ending, left me feeling sad yet happy and content.
A good story that needs a sad tag.
A good story that needs a sad tag.
I think this deserves a 6 star rating =3!
I think this deserves a 6 star rating =3!
You ended this very nicely. It was very sweet, and it made me tear up a bit. I've been waiting to see how it ended before I rated the story; I think I can pretty safely give it 5 stars.
You ended this very nicely. It was very sweet, and it made me tear up a bit. I've been waiting to see how it ended before I rated the story; I think I can pretty safely give it 5 stars.
[Spoilers]Well, that was ok. read all chapters, enjoyed them enough.The ending is rubbing me the wrong way though. The dialogue and everything is fine, but the way it is written suggests that Dash was just going to leave. 33 years, and without an explanation, just fly out of the door. She is the element of loyalty. She wouldn't do that. Yet, there isn't even mention of a letter or something waiting for Twilight to explain everything. Not that that would have helped much.This should be something that the two mares would have discussed in great detail and length. Dash wouldn't keep it a secret, she would tell Twilight her intentions in advance and try to prepare her for it.This "Oh, well, I was just going to leave but now that you woke up I guess I will tell you" thing, it just doesn't work for me.That is really the only criticism I have though. For the most part, it didn't blow me away but it entertained me enough throughout.
[Spoilers]Well, that was ok. read all chapters, enjoyed them enough.The ending is rubbing me the wrong way though. The dialogue and everything is fine, but the way it is written suggests that Dash was just going to leave. 33 years, and without an explanation, just fly out of the door. She is the element of loyalty. She wouldn't do that. Yet, there isn't even mention of a letter or something waiting for Twilight to explain everything. Not that that would have helped much.This should be something that the two mares would have discussed in great detail and length. Dash wouldn't keep it a secret, she would tell Twilight her intentions in advance and try to prepare her for it.This "Oh, well, I was just going to leave but now that you woke up I guess I will tell you" thing, it just doesn't work for me.That is really the only criticism I have though. For the most part, it didn't blow me away but it entertained me enough throughout.
Sad tag needed!!!I can so see her fall to her death…DX Say it ain't so!I need to stop reading future fanfics…
Sad tag needed!!!I can so see her fall to her death…DX Say it ain't so!I need to stop reading future fanfics…
It was sad and adorable at the same time.
It was sad and adorable at the same time.
Wait, so dash never went to find the fountain of youth but to die while flying? Either or awesome story pat yourself on the back, 5 stars.
Wait, so dash never went to find the fountain of youth but to die while flying? Either or awesome story pat yourself on the back, 5 stars.
I just can't see the Element of Loyalty bailing like that without saying goodbye to anyone or leaving some kind of message for her friends…
I just can't see the Element of Loyalty bailing like that without saying goodbye to anyone or leaving some kind of message for her friends…
I kind of agree with marrock and baree here; as much as it makes sense that Dash would… want to die on her own terms, there's her friends and her WIFE to think about. I don't think it's entirely fair to Twilight still. The fact that she wanted to leave without TELLING TWILIGHT AT ALL is just… almost dispicable. What if Twilight hadn't woken up, and Dash was just gone? She'd spend much of her life looking for her, wondering what happened, and might even find her. It would utterly destroy her if Dash didn't tell her or anyone else her plans. It actually kind of sucked me out of the ending a little bit. It was almost contrived to make the ending sad.Still, this was beautiful, powerful, and emotional, and I think it needs a sad tag. Not due to some twist ending, but simply because of the mood set throughout the entire story. Twilight constantly crying and such, it seems pretty obvious the intention of the ending before the ending.Regardless, pretty dang good, 4 stars.
I kind of agree with marrock and baree here; as much as it makes sense that Dash would… want to die on her own terms, there's her friends and her WIFE to think about. I don't think it's entirely fair to Twilight still. The fact that she wanted to leave without TELLING TWILIGHT AT ALL is just… almost dispicable. What if Twilight hadn't woken up, and Dash was just gone? She'd spend much of her life looking for her, wondering what happened, and might even find her. It would utterly destroy her if Dash didn't tell her or anyone else her plans. It actually kind of sucked me out of the ending a little bit. It was almost contrived to make the ending sad.Still, this was beautiful, powerful, and emotional, and I think it needs a sad tag. Not due to some twist ending, but simply because of the mood set throughout the entire story. Twilight constantly crying and such, it seems pretty obvious the intention of the ending before the ending.Regardless, pretty dang good, 4 stars.
This comment has been removed by the author.
This comment has been removed by the author.
@NinesTempest I appreciate the criticism. The ending was tough to write, mostly because of the way I was seeing it; loyalty, in my eyes, has always been about protecting the feelings of those we care about, and we don't usually get it right when everything is said and done. Being Asperger's, the intricacies of intimate relationships tend to be completely lost on me–I was hesitant to write the story at all, due to this factor.But, of course, that's no excuse for making Dash react in such a way–I'm just throwing out my (admittedly flawed) line of logic. It makes sense to me to leave without telling anyone, because the emotional repercussions simply wouldn't occur to me, but it doesn't inherently make sense, and all of your points are perfectly valid. Loyalty has, I guess, always meant something very different to me than how it's thought of in the public eye.In any case, thanks to everypony for the support, critiques, and suggestions for improvement. This was my first fanfiction ever to be put up on the internet, and the feedback has helped me immensely. Now there's just the question of what to write next. When I get that sorted out, definitely expect more from me. You've all been wonderful to me, and I am grateful from the bottom of my heart.
@NinesTempest I appreciate the criticism. The ending was tough to write, mostly because of the way I was seeing it; loyalty, in my eyes, has always been about protecting the feelings of those we care about, and we don't usually get it right when everything is said and done. Being Asperger's, the intricacies of intimate relationships tend to be completely lost on me–I was hesitant to write the story at all, due to this factor.But, of course, that's no excuse for making Dash react in such a way–I'm just throwing out my (admittedly flawed) line of logic. It makes sense to me to leave without telling anyone, because the emotional repercussions simply wouldn't occur to me, but it doesn't inherently make sense, and all of your points are perfectly valid. Loyalty has, I guess, always meant something very different to me than how it's thought of in the public eye.In any case, thanks to everypony for the support, critiques, and suggestions for improvement. This was my first fanfiction ever to be put up on the internet, and the feedback has helped me immensely. Now there's just the question of what to write next. When I get that sorted out, definitely expect more from me. You've all been wonderful to me, and I am grateful from the bottom of my heart.
@StaegMasqueI think how Dash left is just about the way it would go, some of us have no intention of going out in bed. Those that knew Dash would understand, and those that don't have no right to comment.
@StaegMasqueI think how Dash left is just about the way it would go, some of us have no intention of going out in bed. Those that knew Dash would understand, and those that don't have no right to comment.
OH GOD MY HEART
OH GOD MY HEART
TwixOwlicious is clearly the weirdest ship
TwixOwlicious is clearly the weirdest ship
@StaegMasque would you ever consider doing a happy ending for this fic? I would greatly appreciate it if you could and I'm sure other people would too. Anyways thanks for reading my comment and thanks for the story.
@StaegMasque would you ever consider doing a happy ending for this fic? I would greatly appreciate it if you could and I'm sure other people would too. Anyways thanks for reading my comment and thanks for the story.
@Anonymous I might think about it, Anon, but I'm already getting started on story #2 and, to be honest, that'll be pushed to the wayside while I get chapter 1 done.
@Anonymous I might think about it, Anon, but I'm already getting started on story #2 and, to be honest, that'll be pushed to the wayside while I get chapter 1 done.
NOOOOOO!!!! sad!! DXsad final, no!!!but well… great fanfic
NOOOOOO!!!! sad!! DXsad final, no!!!but well… great fanfic
Bravo, bravo!Let me first start off by giving you a well deserved brohoof at the perfectly executed save on the criticism you received on the rushed auditions! That made me laugh.This final chapter lived up to and even surpassed my expectations!Fleshing out the reason for Dash's departure was a good tactic, as opposed to having us believe that the fountain of youth was a simple cover-up for her unexplained death. Even though it was, it was handled in a way that, how shall I put this… left me with about the same feeling as Twilight had when she sat down on her bed.A terrible gap in my heart, but overwhelming happiness.Also, on a side note; about her being the Element of Loyalty and all that, while all those who claim it's not how she would do it are, in my eyes, partially correct,I do believe she wouldn't want any confrontations about it at her departure as it would perhaps be too emotionally strenuous for her. All in all (after overcoming the sadness of her leaving):Well done!I must also say that both the part where Twilight reflected upon her life (after Marina had left) and the Marina/Flare revelation, made both the story and the story within the story, wrap up with a happy ending, of which quality I applaud. Though I can see why people say a "Sad" tag would be in place, which it would, considering the last part of Twilight's story, the mood as a whole, and the death of whatnot.And the way you portrayed Marina's somewhat simple understanding of the lesson Twilight conveyed, and the way she turned it into the exact same story Twilight just told her, with Flare, was a giggle-worthy thing.The only thing I find odd is the way you make Marina seem so young, like her struggling with certain seemingly easy words, which makes the whole 'young love' seem a bit too… young.Though it's a cute finish;)Again, I have nothing in particular to say about the writing, which is splendid as always. A few errors here and there, but that's just nitpicking.The main story in itself does not stand particularly far apart from many other shipping stories on this site(which is mainly a good thing), but the message and morale conveyed to both Marina and the reader is a terrific twist.It didn't make me cry, but then again I don't think that was your intention either, but it did leave me with a warm, fuzzy feeling, which I appreciate, and just further enhances my view on the read.I look forward to any future pieces you compose, and wish you the best of luck.May Celestia watch over you.Best regards,the Anonymous from before
Bravo, bravo!Let me first start off by giving you a well deserved brohoof at the perfectly executed save on the criticism you received on the rushed auditions! That made me laugh.This final chapter lived up to and even surpassed my expectations!Fleshing out the reason for Dash's departure was a good tactic, as opposed to having us believe that the fountain of youth was a simple cover-up for her unexplained death. Even though it was, it was handled in a way that, how shall I put this… left me with about the same feeling as Twilight had when she sat down on her bed.A terrible gap in my heart, but overwhelming happiness.Also, on a side note; about her being the Element of Loyalty and all that, while all those who claim it's not how she would do it are, in my eyes, partially correct,I do believe she wouldn't want any confrontations about it at her departure as it would perhaps be too emotionally strenuous for her. All in all (after overcoming the sadness of her leaving):Well done!I must also say that both the part where Twilight reflected upon her life (after Marina had left) and the Marina/Flare revelation, made both the story and the story within the story, wrap up with a happy ending, of which quality I applaud. Though I can see why people say a "Sad" tag would be in place, which it would, considering the last part of Twilight's story, the mood as a whole, and the death of whatnot.And the way you portrayed Marina's somewhat simple understanding of the lesson Twilight conveyed, and the way she turned it into the exact same story Twilight just told her, with Flare, was a giggle-worthy thing.The only thing I find odd is the way you make Marina seem so young, like her struggling with certain seemingly easy words, which makes the whole 'young love' seem a bit too… young.Though it's a cute finish;)Again, I have nothing in particular to say about the writing, which is splendid as always. A few errors here and there, but that's just nitpicking.The main story in itself does not stand particularly far apart from many other shipping stories on this site(which is mainly a good thing), but the message and morale conveyed to both Marina and the reader is a terrific twist.It didn't make me cry, but then again I don't think that was your intention either, but it did leave me with a warm, fuzzy feeling, which I appreciate, and just further enhances my view on the read.I look forward to any future pieces you compose, and wish you the best of luck.May Celestia watch over you.Best regards,the Anonymous from before
@Anonymous That was amazing XD. I can't say I ever expected a response like that, though that's not to say it's a bad thing; It made me feel really good inside. Thank you so much for your kind words, and I assure you, there is a new story on the way–it's basically in alpha right now XD.Marina was a tough character to write. A lot of the kids in my class were having trouble with those words around her assumed age (11-13ish), but then again, she's Twi's student, so one might expect her to be a cut above the rest. All told, I just decided to go with the safe bet and make her seem younger rather than older. I've known a few people who fell in love and stayed that way at that age, but it's the exception, not the rule, truthfully.Overall, I'm very grateful you took the time to write this out. I'll be sure to look for you when/if my next submission drops. Celestia watch over you as well, my brony.Staeg
@Anonymous That was amazing XD. I can't say I ever expected a response like that, though that's not to say it's a bad thing; It made me feel really good inside. Thank you so much for your kind words, and I assure you, there is a new story on the way–it's basically in alpha right now XD.Marina was a tough character to write. A lot of the kids in my class were having trouble with those words around her assumed age (11-13ish), but then again, she's Twi's student, so one might expect her to be a cut above the rest. All told, I just decided to go with the safe bet and make her seem younger rather than older. I've known a few people who fell in love and stayed that way at that age, but it's the exception, not the rule, truthfully.Overall, I'm very grateful you took the time to write this out. I'll be sure to look for you when/if my next submission drops. Celestia watch over you as well, my brony.Staeg
When it became clear that the "fountain of youth expedition" was only a coverup, I was pretty shocked. But I'm fairly certain that scene MADE this story.Part of me believes Dash WOULD go out and die on the winds, though not without telling at least somepony. Of course she eventually told Twilight, but it was only after she had caught Dash attempting to sneak away. However, I COULD see it as a Rainbow Dash thing to do, so no critisism towards that.I thought that Twilight's immediate understanding and her subsequent (sort of) calm reaction was a little…I don't know. I feel like she wouldn't let Dash leave that easily but, once again, seeing her departure as a Rainbow Dash thing to do, I can see how Twilight could let her go.That nice little ending fixed the hole in my heart that the scene tore, though. Very beautiful throughout.
When it became clear that the "fountain of youth expedition" was only a coverup, I was pretty shocked. But I'm fairly certain that scene MADE this story.Part of me believes Dash WOULD go out and die on the winds, though not without telling at least somepony. Of course she eventually told Twilight, but it was only after she had caught Dash attempting to sneak away. However, I COULD see it as a Rainbow Dash thing to do, so no critisism towards that.I thought that Twilight's immediate understanding and her subsequent (sort of) calm reaction was a little…I don't know. I feel like she wouldn't let Dash leave that easily but, once again, seeing her departure as a Rainbow Dash thing to do, I can see how Twilight could let her go.That nice little ending fixed the hole in my heart that the scene tore, though. Very beautiful throughout.
This fic WAS a 5/5 for until the last chapter. Ending sucked. Way out of character for Rainbow, given the context of her relationship with Twilight, and the closure that Twilight has seems to magically appear. Just saying, if I my girlfriend decided to bail on me to go die, you'd bet your ass I wouldn't sit there and accept it. Your story was awesome until the last chapter, and you ruined it. Suspension of disbelief is something you should demand from the audience, it's something you should facilitate. Good day, sir.
This fic WAS a 5/5 for until the last chapter. Ending sucked. Way out of character for Rainbow, given the context of her relationship with Twilight, and the closure that Twilight has seems to magically appear. Just saying, if I my girlfriend decided to bail on me to go die, you'd bet your ass I wouldn't sit there and accept it. Your story was awesome until the last chapter, and you ruined it. Suspension of disbelief is something you should demand from the audience, it's something you should facilitate. Good day, sir.
I cried.
I cried.
Sad ending is sad.
Sad ending is sad.
[Spoilers]Not much else to say that others haven't, ie. that was so good I cried in the most unmanly way possible. Didn't help that my music player kept picking the best songs to go with the story. Probably one of my favourite shipfics at this point.I want to disagree with the idea that the fountain of youth was a cover up — what I got from it was more Twilight's interpretation of Rainbow's reason for leaving. Less a nice way of putting it, more one of those emotional, metaphorical things people can come up with when put in Twilight's situation.That, in combination with the reason behind the fic's title, was the core of the story and what brought the whole thing together for me.I also think Dash wanting to just up and leave is totally within character. Yes, she's the Element of Loyalty and all that, but part of why FiM is so good is that the characters are flawed, and from that you can extrapolate genuine personalities like what you'd find in real life.Given her canon personality (yes i realize her canon personality couldve changed over 33 years), I can imagine her figuring that Twilight's a strong, logical pony, and that she can work her way through such an event to live on in happiness.Rainbow says as much in the story when she explains her reason for leaving: that she wants Twilight remembering her as a lively, awesome pegasus, eternally young and out there adventuring; not a corpse in a box stuck under the ground, which ties back into Twilight's fountain of youth.It's not rational, and it's certainly not fair to Twilight, but this is Rainbow Dash. Besides, anyone who's experienced love knows that rationality more or less flies right out the window at that point. =P
[Spoilers]Not much else to say that others haven't, ie. that was so good I cried in the most unmanly way possible. Didn't help that my music player kept picking the best songs to go with the story. Probably one of my favourite shipfics at this point.I want to disagree with the idea that the fountain of youth was a cover up — what I got from it was more Twilight's interpretation of Rainbow's reason for leaving. Less a nice way of putting it, more one of those emotional, metaphorical things people can come up with when put in Twilight's situation.That, in combination with the reason behind the fic's title, was the core of the story and what brought the whole thing together for me.I also think Dash wanting to just up and leave is totally within character. Yes, she's the Element of Loyalty and all that, but part of why FiM is so good is that the characters are flawed, and from that you can extrapolate genuine personalities like what you'd find in real life.Given her canon personality (yes i realize her canon personality couldve changed over 33 years), I can imagine her figuring that Twilight's a strong, logical pony, and that she can work her way through such an event to live on in happiness.Rainbow says as much in the story when she explains her reason for leaving: that she wants Twilight remembering her as a lively, awesome pegasus, eternally young and out there adventuring; not a corpse in a box stuck under the ground, which ties back into Twilight's fountain of youth.It's not rational, and it's certainly not fair to Twilight, but this is Rainbow Dash. Besides, anyone who's experienced love knows that rationality more or less flies right out the window at that point. =P
@Fox EAll of what you just said :]Geez, when I decided to watch ep. 1 of FiM with such cynicism, I didn't expect what would follow: me actually loving the show, buying the merch, becoming obsessed with Dashie, and least of all, crying so hard over such a wonderfully written fanfic (or even reading fanfics at all)!!!Anyways, this was really well written, and definitely a good read! :3
@Fox EAll of what you just said :]Geez, when I decided to watch ep. 1 of FiM with such cynicism, I didn't expect what would follow: me actually loving the show, buying the merch, becoming obsessed with Dashie, and least of all, crying so hard over such a wonderfully written fanfic (or even reading fanfics at all)!!!Anyways, this was really well written, and definitely a good read! :3
HEY! Where the FUCK is that sad tag!?!?!??!
HEY! Where the FUCK is that sad tag!?!?!??!
It was an okay story. Normally I'm okay with the shipping of the mane cast, but when it's being passed on to a random filly, all I can think is:EW GAY.
It was an okay story. Normally I'm okay with the shipping of the mane cast, but when it's being passed on to a random filly, all I can think is:EW GAY.
I was so hoping for a happy ending to this one. I'm always depressed by how many melancholy endings there are in this community.
I was so hoping for a happy ending to this one. I'm always depressed by how many melancholy endings there are in this community.
Ah well.I was going to read this.Until I saw the shipping start to rear it's ugly head.
Ah well.I was going to read this.Until I saw the shipping start to rear it's ugly head.
Damn, that ending. :')
Damn, that ending. :')
I'm torn in my opinions of Dash's choices in the last chapter, but I will say that it certainly was a powerful way to end the story.
I'm torn in my opinions of Dash's choices in the last chapter, but I will say that it certainly was a powerful way to end the story.
I would love a revamp of the final chapter, a "bonus ending," so to speak. Don't get me wrong, from chapter 3 to chapter 5's ending I was tearing up. It's a beautifully written story, but as I said earlier in my comment, a "happy" ending would be a nice final addition to the fic. I'd really enjoy reading one, and I'm sure it would get me in tears just as well as the current ending. If I may give an idea that's already been said a thousand times, how about an ending where Dash returns with a completed mission to find this "fountain of youth." Most say it's a cover-up, but it could be turned around with the way you do the 2nd to last scene(the flashback where Dash leaves). Just a quick thought from me, nothing major.
I would love a revamp of the final chapter, a "bonus ending," so to speak. Don't get me wrong, from chapter 3 to chapter 5's ending I was tearing up. It's a beautifully written story, but as I said earlier in my comment, a "happy" ending would be a nice final addition to the fic. I'd really enjoy reading one, and I'm sure it would get me in tears just as well as the current ending. If I may give an idea that's already been said a thousand times, how about an ending where Dash returns with a completed mission to find this "fountain of youth." Most say it's a cover-up, but it could be turned around with the way you do the 2nd to last scene(the flashback where Dash leaves). Just a quick thought from me, nothing major.
*SPOILERS*Aaah my heart *falls on floor* I must say this is a great story sweet and sad. I curse my tendancy to speed read I knew the filly was twilights student but for what I wasn't sure I thought twilight had became a teacher in canterlot not limited to just magic and so when she said dash was looking for the fountain of youth I was like wait was that filly a unicorn or was it mentioned wait don't tell me dash found the fountain used it became a filly lost all her memories and is now twilights student to me that seamed like a good reason why twilight was having such a hard time telling her the story.Sorry about that my mind likes to trot off on its own someti………. most of the time.
I hope she sees Dash again, at least a grave before she dies…. I cried a little, of both heartbreak and joy. It was very well written and very well worth reading until 2 am. Please for the love of god make more sad fics…. I need to cry more but nothing much gets to me, but these just kill me inside.
Well played sir..you made me tear up…Manly tears were shed this day and they were awesome!T__T
Such a mixed ending, still, it broke my heart ;_;
Hmm… I must say that this was a pretty good story. On to the review:For the most part, I'm not particularly fond of shipping fics. The shipping content usually causes people to overlook a fics shortcomings. This one did things pretty well though. The dialogue in this was well done. I could easily "hear" the voices of each of the characters in their respective lines. Granted, most of the speaking was done by Twilight, but that doesn't detract from the lines of Rarity or Rainbow. I'd say that dialogue and characterization were good in this.The plot has a couple of things that bothered me just a bit. The urgency with which Twilight just HAD to confess her feelings seemed a little off. I understand that's an understandable emotional response to that kind of stress, but the all-consuming need to tell Dash before the competition just did not seem plausible. The other thing that bothered me with this fic was that most of the emotional expression was handled with crying. I just feel as if you can convey sadness and sorrow without just having the characters cry for half the story. Tears are effective for a while, but they quickly lose their effect. The ending of the story was executed pretty well though. Not the filly ending, but the ending with Dash. It seemed within Dash's nature, and the exchange between them was poignant enough to make me feel the emotional weight of their parting. In summary, it was a good fic. I'd give it 4 stars out of 5. It may not have been my favorite fic, but I feel as if it was worth the time to read it
I love this fanfic and…I feel that this song is appropriate for it…http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=feeuoERYOV0
@::Scarcity::oh, nice song choice. thx.Might be good time to bring back Fort Minor to my playlist…