Story: Friendship is Tragic (Update Story 2!)

[Grimdark][Random] That's an interesting combo of tags right there!



Author: Vermillon

Description: A story set several years after the show , where
Twilight tries to reunite her friends , with not so pleasent results

Friendship is Tragic

Additional Tags: none

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246 Responses to Story: Friendship is Tragic (Update Story 2!)

  1. DavidReinold says:

    FIRSTAlso that IS a very interesting tag combo…

  2. DavidReinold says:

    FIRSTAlso that IS a very interesting tag combo…

  3. zac says:

    @DavidReinoldThis isn't Youtube.On a related note, this fic is heart crushing at the end.

  4. zac says:

    @DavidReinoldThis isn't Youtube.On a related note, this fic is heart crushing at the end.

  5. Anonymous says:

    Did anyone, count the commas in, the first few paragraphs? It really made, it hard to read, it was, like reading a, transcript of a story, read by, William, Shatner. Actually, that'd be pretty cool. This is just a slog.

  6. Anonymous says:

    Did anyone, count the commas in, the first few paragraphs? It really made, it hard to read, it was, like reading a, transcript of a story, read by, William, Shatner. Actually, that'd be pretty cool. This is just a slog.

  7. Anonymous says:

    Ouch!!! Right in Twilight Sparkle's plot!:O

  8. Anonymous says:

    Ouch!!! Right in Twilight Sparkle's plot!:O

  9. I SAID I NEVER WANTED TO SEE YOU AGAIN!!!!WHY EqD WHYYY???Too good and TOo sad.

  10. I SAID I NEVER WANTED TO SEE YOU AGAIN!!!!WHY EqD WHYYY???Too good and TOo sad.

  11. Anonymous says:

    @AnonymousYeah, that baby needs some periods.

  12. Anonymous says:

    @AnonymousYeah, that baby needs some periods.

  13. Anonymous says:

    I actually had to put on Giggle at the Ghosties at the end there, just to remind myself its a happy song.

  14. Anonymous says:

    I actually had to put on Giggle at the Ghosties at the end there, just to remind myself its a happy song.

  15. Anonymous says:

    I almost lost it at the end saddest story ever.

  16. Anonymous says:

    I almost lost it at the end saddest story ever.

  17. Anonymous says:

    I remember reading this before. Heartbreaking stuff.

  18. Anonymous says:

    I remember reading this before. Heartbreaking stuff.

  19. Anonymous says:

    This one's a little overbaked, frankly. It tries really hard to be dark and sad, and as a result ends up a little ridiculous. I don't see the characters making that many wrong turns in life.

  20. Anonymous says:

    This one's a little overbaked, frankly. It tries really hard to be dark and sad, and as a result ends up a little ridiculous. I don't see the characters making that many wrong turns in life.

  21. TenchiFreak5 says:

    The part with Giggle at the Ghosties was truly heartfelt and sad. Most of Pinkie's scene actually was, including the dressing down Twilight gave Applejack right before it happened.Everything else, if you allow me to be frank, went quite a bit too far in the "bad shit happening" category, to the extent that I didn't find it believable enough to feel anything but indifference towards it.Particularly the Epilogue, which was overdone to such an extent that I chuckled at some of the implications (what happened to Applejack in particular) when I was supposed to be feeling sad.I mean, the concept was interesting, and I really liked how optimistic Dash was portrayed as compared to how she is normally treated in these kinds of stories.But there is executing the concepts of a tragedy in a meaningful way and there is trying so hard to write a tragic story that it becomes ham-fisted. This swings fairly strongly into the latter category, and dives off the scale when the Epilogue begins.

  22. TenchiFreak5 says:

    The part with Giggle at the Ghosties was truly heartfelt and sad. Most of Pinkie's scene actually was, including the dressing down Twilight gave Applejack right before it happened.Everything else, if you allow me to be frank, went quite a bit too far in the "bad shit happening" category, to the extent that I didn't find it believable enough to feel anything but indifference towards it.Particularly the Epilogue, which was overdone to such an extent that I chuckled at some of the implications (what happened to Applejack in particular) when I was supposed to be feeling sad.I mean, the concept was interesting, and I really liked how optimistic Dash was portrayed as compared to how she is normally treated in these kinds of stories.But there is executing the concepts of a tragedy in a meaningful way and there is trying so hard to write a tragic story that it becomes ham-fisted. This swings fairly strongly into the latter category, and dives off the scale when the Epilogue begins.

  23. Well. There goes my heart into a million pieces, there. You know, I got through Bubbles, Nightfall, and Helix Aspersa with no more than a lump in my throat, but never more than that. Here's a nice milestone for Patch, the first Ponyfic to make her cry. And cry out of nowhere, too. The way this story was going, I was expecting the grimmest of grim endings, or some sort of awful twist, but instead what I got was the most logical ending for Pinkie Pie in this story and… man, that makes it so much worse. When "Giggle at the Ghostie" came in, I just lost it. Sweet Celestia, I was not even prepared.

  24. Well. There goes my heart into a million pieces, there. You know, I got through Bubbles, Nightfall, and Helix Aspersa with no more than a lump in my throat, but never more than that. Here's a nice milestone for Patch, the first Ponyfic to make her cry. And cry out of nowhere, too. The way this story was going, I was expecting the grimmest of grim endings, or some sort of awful twist, but instead what I got was the most logical ending for Pinkie Pie in this story and… man, that makes it so much worse. When "Giggle at the Ghostie" came in, I just lost it. Sweet Celestia, I was not even prepared.

  25. Kaijinzero says:

    had to kill my emotions before reading this.it didnt work.

  26. Kaijinzero says:

    had to kill my emotions before reading this.it didnt work.

  27. @TenchiFreak5Pretty much what he said.The idea itself of committing suicide seems like a silly cop-out, to me. This fic had a kind of darkness and despair, but the ending just sorta fell flat on its face, almost like the author didn't know what to do and just waffled it. Suicide is almost impossible to work into a narrative without completely crushing everything else beneath it.It's the same reason that fic where Spike tells Twilight she's not his mother was silly… sure she would have been upset, but attempting to kill herself? Come on.Also, you made a point of mentioning that Fluttershy was the slaver's 'favorite'. A loaf of bread without two brain cells to bang together could work out what you meant (and it quite rightly stands out, as Fluttershy's own personal hell), but absolutely none of the characters ever make note of it, which makes that particular facet of the story rather superfluous, despite its enormity.Again, brilliant concept. But your execution wasn't good enough.

  28. @TenchiFreak5Pretty much what he said.The idea itself of committing suicide seems like a silly cop-out, to me. This fic had a kind of darkness and despair, but the ending just sorta fell flat on its face, almost like the author didn't know what to do and just waffled it. Suicide is almost impossible to work into a narrative without completely crushing everything else beneath it.It's the same reason that fic where Spike tells Twilight she's not his mother was silly… sure she would have been upset, but attempting to kill herself? Come on.Also, you made a point of mentioning that Fluttershy was the slaver's 'favorite'. A loaf of bread without two brain cells to bang together could work out what you meant (and it quite rightly stands out, as Fluttershy's own personal hell), but absolutely none of the characters ever make note of it, which makes that particular facet of the story rather superfluous, despite its enormity.Again, brilliant concept. But your execution wasn't good enough.

  29. Anonymous says:

    When Grimdark becomes so grim it morphs to comedy, that's when you know you've gone too far. This, this kinda shot over that point and then some.Mechanically, some 'your's when 'you're' was required and other word-confusion, too many commas (by your powers combined, I am Captain Good Sentence!) but overall, a good story mechanically. A good A.Plotwise, yeah. It was too much heaping pile of darkness. When there is no light, no good to compare it to, it becomes a satire of itself. My heart was intact at the end just because I was sure 'rocks fall, everyone dies' was going to be the ending. And pretty much, that was the ending. Rather large fic though. Surprised me how big it was.

  30. Anonymous says:

    When Grimdark becomes so grim it morphs to comedy, that's when you know you've gone too far. This, this kinda shot over that point and then some.Mechanically, some 'your's when 'you're' was required and other word-confusion, too many commas (by your powers combined, I am Captain Good Sentence!) but overall, a good story mechanically. A good A.Plotwise, yeah. It was too much heaping pile of darkness. When there is no light, no good to compare it to, it becomes a satire of itself. My heart was intact at the end just because I was sure 'rocks fall, everyone dies' was going to be the ending. And pretty much, that was the ending. Rather large fic though. Surprised me how big it was.

  31. Anonymous says:

    I really don't buy the idea that without Twilight around, the other five would so completely and utterly go to pieces. They all managed to function well enough before she showed up, so while they would assuredly have a hole in their hearts in Twilight's absence and miss her bookish wisdom and organizational skills, I don't think they would go off the rails that badly.But even so, the way this all worked out, with horrors piling upon horrors and the magic of friendship being powerless against the unforgiving ice cleats of cynicism and pointless, tragic brutality, it kinda feels like the only reason this story was written was to torture some ponies.Then again, I probably should've seen that coming, since it was telegraphed pretty clearly. But all I felt while reading it was a sense of morbid curiosity to see how the story would outdo itself in thinking up horrific fates for the Elements of Harmony.

  32. Anonymous says:

    I really don't buy the idea that without Twilight around, the other five would so completely and utterly go to pieces. They all managed to function well enough before she showed up, so while they would assuredly have a hole in their hearts in Twilight's absence and miss her bookish wisdom and organizational skills, I don't think they would go off the rails that badly.But even so, the way this all worked out, with horrors piling upon horrors and the magic of friendship being powerless against the unforgiving ice cleats of cynicism and pointless, tragic brutality, it kinda feels like the only reason this story was written was to torture some ponies.Then again, I probably should've seen that coming, since it was telegraphed pretty clearly. But all I felt while reading it was a sense of morbid curiosity to see how the story would outdo itself in thinking up horrific fates for the Elements of Harmony.

  33. Mindo says:

    This was the first pony-fic to bring me to near-tears, but then again I haven't read that many pony fanfictions.

  34. Mindo says:

    This was the first pony-fic to bring me to near-tears, but then again I haven't read that many pony fanfictions.

  35. Well, this is the first fanfic to make me cry. I'm a bit shaken down, but otherwise, great story. You should write more.

  36. Well, this is the first fanfic to make me cry. I'm a bit shaken down, but otherwise, great story. You should write more.

  37. I have to agree with the others. It was a bit too over the top, particularly the epilogue. However, the scene with Pinkie Pie was heartbreaking.

  38. I have to agree with the others. It was a bit too over the top, particularly the epilogue. However, the scene with Pinkie Pie was heartbreaking.

  39. BassZ1890 says:

    I teared up the entire story but the end with pinkie… I couldn't finish it… Its far to horrible 😦 My weak little heart cant take such a sad story!It really does fit the [Grimdark] tag well.

  40. BassZ1890 says:

    I teared up the entire story but the end with pinkie… I couldn't finish it… Its far to horrible 😦 My weak little heart cant take such a sad story!It really does fit the [Grimdark] tag well.

  41. Anonymous says:

    skimmed over most of it. Agree with the assessment that it tries little to hard at times to be all dark and serious to the point of becoming comical.

  42. Anonymous says:

    skimmed over most of it. Agree with the assessment that it tries little to hard at times to be all dark and serious to the point of becoming comical.

  43. Anonymous says:

    A little over the top? Cheezus H. Rice, it was crazy. Pathos has to be earned, you can't just have random bad things happen and expect it to materialize.

  44. Anonymous says:

    A little over the top? Cheezus H. Rice, it was crazy. Pathos has to be earned, you can't just have random bad things happen and expect it to materialize.

  45. Anonymous says:

    I like to think of it like this: Everypony in the mane 6 was fine before they met Twilight Sparkle,They all made up the elements of harmony, Rainbow Dash being the embodiment of loyalty, Rarity being generosity, and etc, but Twilight Sparkle was the embodiment of the spirit of magic, (whatever signifigance that has to friendship and harmony is beyond me). So during the conflict, when T.S. broke her horn or whatever, disabling her magic, I would like to believe that all of the elements of harmony were damaged in some way, resulting in the events of this story. I am not the author, so this is purely guess work as to why things went the way they did.Sad story overall, it's a shame what happened to, well, everypony…

  46. Anonymous says:

    I like to think of it like this: Everypony in the mane 6 was fine before they met Twilight Sparkle,They all made up the elements of harmony, Rainbow Dash being the embodiment of loyalty, Rarity being generosity, and etc, but Twilight Sparkle was the embodiment of the spirit of magic, (whatever signifigance that has to friendship and harmony is beyond me). So during the conflict, when T.S. broke her horn or whatever, disabling her magic, I would like to believe that all of the elements of harmony were damaged in some way, resulting in the events of this story. I am not the author, so this is purely guess work as to why things went the way they did.Sad story overall, it's a shame what happened to, well, everypony…

  47. Gypsy says:

    my heart slammed into my throat…this was aliitle bit too dark for my taste, my day is shot…fuck…

  48. Gypsy says:

    my heart slammed into my throat…this was aliitle bit too dark for my taste, my day is shot…fuck…

  49. rangergx9 says:

    That makes men cry… This was wonderful and terrible… Terribly sad.

  50. rangergx9 says:

    That makes men cry… This was wonderful and terrible… Terribly sad.

  51. RBD FAN says:

    It was a good read. I have to say that. But other then trying TO hard to make it dark. It was actually pretty damn good. It made me shed a tiny bit of man tears when it reached the part with pinkie. Cause we know that pinkie would be the one to go down that road. Overall, I will give this a 5/5!

  52. RBD FAN says:

    It was a good read. I have to say that. But other then trying TO hard to make it dark. It was actually pretty damn good. It made me shed a tiny bit of man tears when it reached the part with pinkie. Cause we know that pinkie would be the one to go down that road. Overall, I will give this a 5/5!

  53. Anonymous says:

    Insert comparison to CupcakesGrimdark as hay.I need SOMETHING to get this out of my head.And I read all of the shipping fics already, that doesn't help much…

  54. Anonymous says:

    Insert comparison to CupcakesGrimdark as hay.I need SOMETHING to get this out of my head.And I read all of the shipping fics already, that doesn't help much…

  55. @AnonymousStory archive -> CTRL + F -> Comedy

  56. @AnonymousStory archive -> CTRL + F -> Comedy

  57. ToonNinja says:

    It's actually a little ridiculous in how FUBAR everypony is. Almost every one of the mane cast's stories could have been excellent stories on their own if they had more development or depth to them, but they're instead glossed over and lose their impact. The characters seem to be a bit oversimplified in their characterizations, as well.

  58. ToonNinja says:

    It's actually a little ridiculous in how FUBAR everypony is. Almost every one of the mane cast's stories could have been excellent stories on their own if they had more development or depth to them, but they're instead glossed over and lose their impact. The characters seem to be a bit oversimplified in their characterizations, as well.

  59. Pandarsenic says:

    The best part of this was easily Pinkie's section; many other sections, I felt, were a bit overdone or just outrageous. Rarity's outright sociopathy in particular just felt… incongruous. The line between self-centered and psychotic got crossed about three times.

  60. Pandarsenic says:

    The best part of this was easily Pinkie's section; many other sections, I felt, were a bit overdone or just outrageous. Rarity's outright sociopathy in particular just felt… incongruous. The line between self-centered and psychotic got crossed about three times.

  61. Anonymous says:

    What a horrible story. Did Vermilion get beaten and molested every single day as a child? It's the only explanation for the type of mind that writes stuff like this that makes sense. He/She took a happy, fun show and crushed every single scrap of joy in it to death, skullfucked it's corpse, and then shit on it's grave. The words don't exist that adequately convey the depths of revulsion Im feeling in regards to it. Good God, what the Hell is wrong with you?This is a horrible story and Vermillion should feel horrible for writing it. If the diseased idea ever gets into your head to write something else this depressing, I hope you have a stroke before you reach the keyboard.

  62. Anonymous says:

    What a horrible story. Did Vermilion get beaten and molested every single day as a child? It's the only explanation for the type of mind that writes stuff like this that makes sense. He/She took a happy, fun show and crushed every single scrap of joy in it to death, skullfucked it's corpse, and then shit on it's grave. The words don't exist that adequately convey the depths of revulsion Im feeling in regards to it. Good God, what the Hell is wrong with you?This is a horrible story and Vermillion should feel horrible for writing it. If the diseased idea ever gets into your head to write something else this depressing, I hope you have a stroke before you reach the keyboard.

  63. Anonymous says:

    This could have been really amazing, but it wasn't. Sorry.

  64. Anonymous says:

    This could have been really amazing, but it wasn't. Sorry.

  65. Anonymous says:

    @AnonymousHere's a tip, brony. Never read Bittersweet. If this story hit you hard, that one will ensure that you never smile again.

  66. Anonymous says:

    @AnonymousHere's a tip, brony. Never read Bittersweet. If this story hit you hard, that one will ensure that you never smile again.

  67. BM13HC says:

    Manly tears have been-Aww screw that, I cried more than twice, it's the saddest story I've ever read, it was good though. I almost forgot it doesn't actually happen in the series.

  68. BM13HC says:

    Manly tears have been-Aww screw that, I cried more than twice, it's the saddest story I've ever read, it was good though. I almost forgot it doesn't actually happen in the series.

  69. Anonymous says:

    Decent story overall, and I will admit it moved me quite a bit, but hardly perfect.My biggest complaint is the preface: It's pretty much just "some bad things happened then Celestia and Spike died somehow and now Twilight can't magic for some reason". I know it's not supposed to be the main focus of the story, but I would have liked to know a little more about those events. Who were they fighting? How did Celly and Spike die exactly? Why did Twilight lose her magic? etc.The epilogue is just plain silly. In my honest opinion, the story should have ended after Twilight's suicide, leaving the fate of the rest of them up to our imaginations. The idea of Rarity roaming around with her own personal hit-squad is just too ridiculous to mesh with the rest of the story.Otherwise, it's a good, if a bit depressing, read.

  70. Anonymous says:

    Decent story overall, and I will admit it moved me quite a bit, but hardly perfect.My biggest complaint is the preface: It's pretty much just "some bad things happened then Celestia and Spike died somehow and now Twilight can't magic for some reason". I know it's not supposed to be the main focus of the story, but I would have liked to know a little more about those events. Who were they fighting? How did Celly and Spike die exactly? Why did Twilight lose her magic? etc.The epilogue is just plain silly. In my honest opinion, the story should have ended after Twilight's suicide, leaving the fate of the rest of them up to our imaginations. The idea of Rarity roaming around with her own personal hit-squad is just too ridiculous to mesh with the rest of the story.Otherwise, it's a good, if a bit depressing, read.

  71. Anonymous says:

    Pinkie Pie's role has to be the most depressing thing I've ever read, but the epilogue felt tacked-on and unnecessary.

  72. Anonymous says:

    Pinkie Pie's role has to be the most depressing thing I've ever read, but the epilogue felt tacked-on and unnecessary.

  73. Anonymous says:

    @AnonymousOh, I don't think "Bittersweet" is so harsh compared to this one. "Bittersweet" had a, well, bittersweet ending. This one was just bitter.

  74. Anonymous says:

    @AnonymousOh, I don't think "Bittersweet" is so harsh compared to this one. "Bittersweet" had a, well, bittersweet ending. This one was just bitter.

  75. Alexstrazsa says:

    That was… awful. Not in the bad writing kind of way. In the sort of "I hope this never happens ever" kind of way. God damn.

  76. Alexstrazsa says:

    That was… awful. Not in the bad writing kind of way. In the sort of "I hope this never happens ever" kind of way. God damn.

  77. ToonNinja says:

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  78. ToonNinja says:

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  79. Anonymous says:

    …Fuck, man.Just…fuck.*cries*

  80. Anonymous says:

    …Fuck, man.Just…fuck.*cries*

  81. Anonymous says:

    Holy shit…. that was awesome and horrible at the same time. Counfound you Vermillon! You drive me to cry!

  82. Anonymous says:

    Holy shit…. that was awesome and horrible at the same time. Counfound you Vermillon! You drive me to cry!

  83. Anonymous says:

    I read the tail end of it after reading the comments. Nope. Not even gonna try.

  84. Anonymous says:

    I read the tail end of it after reading the comments. Nope. Not even gonna try.

  85. TenchiFreak5 says:

    @AnonymousBittersweet is nothing like this story. Bittersweet is about the remaining members of the Mane Six attempting to come to terms with the death of Pinkie in their own way.It is a well-written and believable (outside of the reason Pinkie died) character piece about moving on in your life from the loss of a loved one. And it ends on a bittersweet note (hence the title), leaning towards sweet.This story is about torturing the Mane Six in the most over the top and (with the exception of Pinkie Pie and Twilight) out of character way possible while attempting to be sincere about it all.It ends with four of the Mane Six dead (two of the deaths caused by members of the Mane Six, though Dash's death was more indirect); one of them being so destroyed emotionally from the trauma of her life (that her friends make no attempt to even acknowledge at all during the story) that she becomes a permanent recluse, and the other one traveling around with a personal murder squad at her beck and call (which she is directly implied to have used to kill one of her friends).They are night and day.

  86. TenchiFreak5 says:

    @AnonymousBittersweet is nothing like this story. Bittersweet is about the remaining members of the Mane Six attempting to come to terms with the death of Pinkie in their own way.It is a well-written and believable (outside of the reason Pinkie died) character piece about moving on in your life from the loss of a loved one. And it ends on a bittersweet note (hence the title), leaning towards sweet.This story is about torturing the Mane Six in the most over the top and (with the exception of Pinkie Pie and Twilight) out of character way possible while attempting to be sincere about it all.It ends with four of the Mane Six dead (two of the deaths caused by members of the Mane Six, though Dash's death was more indirect); one of them being so destroyed emotionally from the trauma of her life (that her friends make no attempt to even acknowledge at all during the story) that she becomes a permanent recluse, and the other one traveling around with a personal murder squad at her beck and call (which she is directly implied to have used to kill one of her friends).They are night and day.

  87. DarthVader says:

    Oh God. Let me just say that this hit me about a hundred times worse than cupcakes did. Cupcakes was gory for sure but I can handle that in a morbid sort of way. But this.. Jeez I just feel like shit now. Most deserving 'GrimDark' tag I've ever read that's for sure.

  88. DarthVader says:

    Oh God. Let me just say that this hit me about a hundred times worse than cupcakes did. Cupcakes was gory for sure but I can handle that in a morbid sort of way. But this.. Jeez I just feel like shit now. Most deserving 'GrimDark' tag I've ever read that's for sure.

  89. Anonymous says:

    The only really positive note this story strikes is that at least Pinkie gets to see the real Twilight again and get all that off her chest and dies with a smile on her face. And I guess there's a positive spin on Fluttershy's ending, in that she's back with her beloved animals and nobody can harm her anymore. And I suppose there's the mystical implied promise that Twilight will be with some of her friends in heaven or whatever.But still, the positive notes in this fanfic amount to euthanizing terminally suffering animals. If that's as bright a light as you can offer, you've probably taken the grimdark thing too far.

  90. Anonymous says:

    The only really positive note this story strikes is that at least Pinkie gets to see the real Twilight again and get all that off her chest and dies with a smile on her face. And I guess there's a positive spin on Fluttershy's ending, in that she's back with her beloved animals and nobody can harm her anymore. And I suppose there's the mystical implied promise that Twilight will be with some of her friends in heaven or whatever.But still, the positive notes in this fanfic amount to euthanizing terminally suffering animals. If that's as bright a light as you can offer, you've probably taken the grimdark thing too far.

  91. Anonymous says:

    Fan fic used heart crush!It is highly effective!Jesus, this fic just has a giant crescendo of sadness boiling up to the final scene with Pinkie. I mean…GOD!!! Very well-written but soooooo sad!

  92. Anonymous says:

    Fan fic used heart crush!It is highly effective!Jesus, this fic just has a giant crescendo of sadness boiling up to the final scene with Pinkie. I mean…GOD!!! Very well-written but soooooo sad!

  93. Anonymous says:

    Probably one of the best Grimdark stories i've read so far. the cruel reality of the story just captivates. Bravo to the author!

  94. Anonymous says:

    Probably one of the best Grimdark stories i've read so far. the cruel reality of the story just captivates. Bravo to the author!

  95. Anonymous says:

    ^^^^^^^^same poster^^^^^^^the intro and epilogue kinda sucked though. The intro felt rushed and the epi was completely unnecessary. ALSO, don't listen to and sad song during this you will cry like a little baby. The song Minerva came on when Pinkie started dying and I wanted to kill myself.

  96. Anonymous says:

    ^^^^^^^^same poster^^^^^^^the intro and epilogue kinda sucked though. The intro felt rushed and the epi was completely unnecessary. ALSO, don't listen to and sad song during this you will cry like a little baby. The song Minerva came on when Pinkie started dying and I wanted to kill myself.

  97. Anonymous says:

    It’s a very touching story. Sometimes it seems to be over the top, but it works for me. Surprisingly it wasn’t that Grimdark. Yes four members of the mane cast died and lots of bad stuff happened to everybody but in the end Pinkie Pie died happily, Dash died as a hero and Fluttershy is back together with the animals she loves so much. Sad but not sooo dark. The only part that was truly Grimdark was the end of chapter 7. Really staggering.I’ve only one point of criticism and that’s “Don” Rarity. I’ve no problem with the fact that she became a could-hearted person who cares more about her mansion than about Fluttershy. Even the idea that she sends a kill squad after her former friends, isn’t bad problem for me. It’s just that it’s a bit too easy to make Rarity the evil one. All you have to do is writing her like Cruella de Vil. An evil AJ, Fluttershy or Rainbow Dash would’ve been far more interesting and refreshing.Still, I love this story and in my humble opinion it’s worthy of 5 stars.

  98. Anonymous says:

    It’s a very touching story. Sometimes it seems to be over the top, but it works for me. Surprisingly it wasn’t that Grimdark. Yes four members of the mane cast died and lots of bad stuff happened to everybody but in the end Pinkie Pie died happily, Dash died as a hero and Fluttershy is back together with the animals she loves so much. Sad but not sooo dark. The only part that was truly Grimdark was the end of chapter 7. Really staggering.I’ve only one point of criticism and that’s “Don” Rarity. I’ve no problem with the fact that she became a could-hearted person who cares more about her mansion than about Fluttershy. Even the idea that she sends a kill squad after her former friends, isn’t bad problem for me. It’s just that it’s a bit too easy to make Rarity the evil one. All you have to do is writing her like Cruella de Vil. An evil AJ, Fluttershy or Rainbow Dash would’ve been far more interesting and refreshing.Still, I love this story and in my humble opinion it’s worthy of 5 stars.

  99. Anonymous says:

    @AnonymousAgree about the prologue. The whole story is deviating from the show so incredibly far that it would have really needed a proper setup that makes everything at least somewhat believable. But basically, all we get is "some sort of bad stuff happened, and now everything's fucked up".Makes it really hard to take the events in the story seriously, even ignoring the fact that most of it is waaaayy over the top. As someone else already said: "When there is no light, no good to compare it to, it becomes a satire of itself." Wholeheartedly agreed. For example, it felt like at any given point in the story, there was at least one pony crying. You know how when you listen to one word or phrase repeated again and again, it seems to completely loose its meaning and just becomes noise? That's what happened.

  100. Anonymous says:

    @AnonymousAgree about the prologue. The whole story is deviating from the show so incredibly far that it would have really needed a proper setup that makes everything at least somewhat believable. But basically, all we get is "some sort of bad stuff happened, and now everything's fucked up".Makes it really hard to take the events in the story seriously, even ignoring the fact that most of it is waaaayy over the top. As someone else already said: "When there is no light, no good to compare it to, it becomes a satire of itself." Wholeheartedly agreed. For example, it felt like at any given point in the story, there was at least one pony crying. You know how when you listen to one word or phrase repeated again and again, it seems to completely loose its meaning and just becomes noise? That's what happened.

  101. Anonymous says:

    I really liked it up untill the suicide ending + the epilogue. Yeah it was a bit overdramatic but enjoyable imo. The conclusion was just a smack in the face to me. still gave it a 3/5

  102. Anonymous says:

    I really liked it up untill the suicide ending + the epilogue. Yeah it was a bit overdramatic but enjoyable imo. The conclusion was just a smack in the face to me. still gave it a 3/5

  103. DAGNABBIT, That was almost sadder than NightThatNeverEnded and PonyRain put together

  104. DAGNABBIT, That was almost sadder than NightThatNeverEnded and PonyRain put together

  105. Miyajima says:

    … Well that was depressing.

  106. Miyajima says:

    … Well that was depressing.

  107. Anonymous says:

    help me im going to kill myself because of these ponies….-D4SHTH3R4INB0W

  108. Anonymous says:

    help me im going to kill myself because of these ponies….-D4SHTH3R4INB0W

  109. JATO457 says:

    Oh god, I thought I would cry, but it is just a complete tragedy. But nothing like the story who's name begins with the letter C.

  110. JATO457 says:

    Oh god, I thought I would cry, but it is just a complete tragedy. But nothing like the story who's name begins with the letter C.

  111. Anonymous says:

    The stories that have the greatest emotional impact do so by creating a contrast between the good, beautiful things and life and the utterly horrible tragedy of it all, like the oh-so-popular Bittersweet or Circle of Friends fanfics on the site. They utilize themes familiar to the reader and, coupled with well-paced writing styles, believable characterization, and beautiful finales, they shape up to be fairly effective works of fiction.This story, however, sadly lacks most of this. The narratives plopped on both ends of the story seem awkward and fit the overall tone and pacing like a round peg in a square hole. Important or interesting details are simply tossed in without much afterthought and quickly forgotten as the story progresses. The fates of the mane six are so unbelievably tragic and out-of-character that they become laughable. The ending is unexplainable, abrupt, and undeserved. Everything that can go wrong does go wrong.In short, in trying so hard to write the ultimate tragic story, the author fell flat on his feet.And yet, the absurdity of it all makes it an enjoyable read. It had a handful of sincere moments, and the extraordinary circumstances that make up the "tragedy" make for a bit of good, surreal humor. If you were looking for a baww story of any kind, please save yourself the 7 chapters of confusion and look elsewhere. Anyone who respects good writing will be left in stitches after reading this stark, twisted abuse of the English language.

  112. Anonymous says:

    The stories that have the greatest emotional impact do so by creating a contrast between the good, beautiful things and life and the utterly horrible tragedy of it all, like the oh-so-popular Bittersweet or Circle of Friends fanfics on the site. They utilize themes familiar to the reader and, coupled with well-paced writing styles, believable characterization, and beautiful finales, they shape up to be fairly effective works of fiction.This story, however, sadly lacks most of this. The narratives plopped on both ends of the story seem awkward and fit the overall tone and pacing like a round peg in a square hole. Important or interesting details are simply tossed in without much afterthought and quickly forgotten as the story progresses. The fates of the mane six are so unbelievably tragic and out-of-character that they become laughable. The ending is unexplainable, abrupt, and undeserved. Everything that can go wrong does go wrong.In short, in trying so hard to write the ultimate tragic story, the author fell flat on his feet.And yet, the absurdity of it all makes it an enjoyable read. It had a handful of sincere moments, and the extraordinary circumstances that make up the "tragedy" make for a bit of good, surreal humor. If you were looking for a baww story of any kind, please save yourself the 7 chapters of confusion and look elsewhere. Anyone who respects good writing will be left in stitches after reading this stark, twisted abuse of the English language.

  113. g3fizzypop says:

    It's sooo sad. I can understand Twilight Sparkle why she wanted to die so mutch. First she needed to lefr her friends to go on a misson with Princess Celestia and Spike which soon escalated and she found in the hell which was good reason why she didn't write to her friends. She was too buisy to tacticing but I'm sure her friends were in her hard and at last she was fighting for her, to protect them. Twilight Sparkle lost not just lost her teacher and beloved priness and her friend and helperb Sipeke but she fell to coma for a log period of time and she lost even her own power.Second I belive that she wanted to end that "war" end as soon as possible and when it did and when she was able she started to search for her friends but when she did and she met with them she disappointed because the life hit hardly her friends hardly and on the top two of her friends were fighting together and at the end the party pony Pinkie Pie died in her hooves.Twilight sparkle was desperately disappointed and she felt that she failed to protect her friends.

  114. g3fizzypop says:

    It's sooo sad. I can understand Twilight Sparkle why she wanted to die so mutch. First she needed to lefr her friends to go on a misson with Princess Celestia and Spike which soon escalated and she found in the hell which was good reason why she didn't write to her friends. She was too buisy to tacticing but I'm sure her friends were in her hard and at last she was fighting for her, to protect them. Twilight Sparkle lost not just lost her teacher and beloved priness and her friend and helperb Sipeke but she fell to coma for a log period of time and she lost even her own power.Second I belive that she wanted to end that "war" end as soon as possible and when it did and when she was able she started to search for her friends but when she did and she met with them she disappointed because the life hit hardly her friends hardly and on the top two of her friends were fighting together and at the end the party pony Pinkie Pie died in her hooves.Twilight sparkle was desperately disappointed and she felt that she failed to protect her friends.

  115. Anonymous says:

    Just too darn overdramatic for each character's stories… and suicide? Really? The epilogue as well made this story fall flat at the end. Sad because the initial buildup was good.

  116. Anonymous says:

    Just too darn overdramatic for each character's stories… and suicide? Really? The epilogue as well made this story fall flat at the end. Sad because the initial buildup was good.

  117. Anonymous says:

    Oh, and if it was meant to tear up the reader, it really tried too hard to evoke pathos; not a single tear when I read it.

  118. Anonymous says:

    Oh, and if it was meant to tear up the reader, it really tried too hard to evoke pathos; not a single tear when I read it.

  119. Walter44 says:

    I had tears in my eyes reading this. But yeah, there are some problems with this story. Besides the already mentioned problems in characterization, the laughable exposition in the prologue and the tacked-on epilogue I have one complaint that is rather small, but still…Slave traders?I mean, yeah, Celestia is dead and Luna isn't the best ruler…but slavery? In just six years, slavery has become a business common enough for Rarity to know where to find them? Yeah…no.I could complain on and on (that RD/AJ-Subplot also felt very exaggerated) but still, I "liked" the story in a way it made me want to read and, like I said, I cried. When a story touches me, it's at least somewhere good.That "somewhere" was of course the Pinkie-Part. After that build-up I was expecting something in the ways of the fic that is named after a muffin-like sweet, but in a way, this was even worse…

  120. Walter44 says:

    I had tears in my eyes reading this. But yeah, there are some problems with this story. Besides the already mentioned problems in characterization, the laughable exposition in the prologue and the tacked-on epilogue I have one complaint that is rather small, but still…Slave traders?I mean, yeah, Celestia is dead and Luna isn't the best ruler…but slavery? In just six years, slavery has become a business common enough for Rarity to know where to find them? Yeah…no.I could complain on and on (that RD/AJ-Subplot also felt very exaggerated) but still, I "liked" the story in a way it made me want to read and, like I said, I cried. When a story touches me, it's at least somewhere good.That "somewhere" was of course the Pinkie-Part. After that build-up I was expecting something in the ways of the fic that is named after a muffin-like sweet, but in a way, this was even worse…

  121. Zackery says:

    I LITERALLY cried out every tear my tear duct s could offer at the ending.I mean, I cried in the middle, whenever the author explained the burning down of Sweet Apple Acres and the death of Big Macintosh, and at RD's story, but when I heard Pinkie's story, the last of the duct tape holding my heart together (from other sad stories) was DISINTEGRATED. Then when Pinkie died, it was like Big Macintosh and Angryjack took turns jumping on top of my glass heart. Then when Twilight killed herself, and she heard the others' voices, my body literally fell out of my chair, and I cried the most I've EVER cried. Like Angryjack, I cried out every tear there was to cry. My chest started to ache (for REAL) and I passed out. Then when I woke up, I started typing this, STILL at a loss for words.Beautiful storyHeart-wrenching endingAnd someone killing themselves^The three Elements of a good sob-story.

  122. Zackery says:

    I LITERALLY cried out every tear my tear duct s could offer at the ending.I mean, I cried in the middle, whenever the author explained the burning down of Sweet Apple Acres and the death of Big Macintosh, and at RD's story, but when I heard Pinkie's story, the last of the duct tape holding my heart together (from other sad stories) was DISINTEGRATED. Then when Pinkie died, it was like Big Macintosh and Angryjack took turns jumping on top of my glass heart. Then when Twilight killed herself, and she heard the others' voices, my body literally fell out of my chair, and I cried the most I've EVER cried. Like Angryjack, I cried out every tear there was to cry. My chest started to ache (for REAL) and I passed out. Then when I woke up, I started typing this, STILL at a loss for words.Beautiful storyHeart-wrenching endingAnd someone killing themselves^The three Elements of a good sob-story.

  123. Nova25 says:

    Killing Celestia off-panel… Here's a couple of slaps… Removing from Twilight what make an Unicorn a ''unicorn'', off-panel again… additional slaps …Killing Spike off-OH FOR GOODNESS SAKE !! …You know, all this off-panelling of important events and actions is making hard to enjoy the rest of the story properly, and it's BARELY Ch.1. …vague and short semi off-panel death for Big Mac… Cutting/losing Rainbow Dash wings off-panel, with a weak reason…… It's getting annoying a bit now… Mute Fluttershy… why, I don't know, or care anymore. It got quite boring at this point, or at this pointless point. …dragging what happened to Pinky Pie for over FOUR pages… words, words, vaguely crazy words from Pinky Pie, more skipping words… FINALLY a death NOT off-panel, but hardly enjoyable considering the time it took….. aaaaannnd Suicide of Twilight. -I should have listen to that Anonymous, I wasted my time for real there. Damn ?

  124. Nova25 says:

    Killing Celestia off-panel… Here's a couple of slaps… Removing from Twilight what make an Unicorn a ''unicorn'', off-panel again… additional slaps …Killing Spike off-OH FOR GOODNESS SAKE !! …You know, all this off-panelling of important events and actions is making hard to enjoy the rest of the story properly, and it's BARELY Ch.1. …vague and short semi off-panel death for Big Mac… Cutting/losing Rainbow Dash wings off-panel, with a weak reason…… It's getting annoying a bit now… Mute Fluttershy… why, I don't know, or care anymore. It got quite boring at this point, or at this pointless point. …dragging what happened to Pinky Pie for over FOUR pages… words, words, vaguely crazy words from Pinky Pie, more skipping words… FINALLY a death NOT off-panel, but hardly enjoyable considering the time it took….. aaaaannnd Suicide of Twilight. -I should have listen to that Anonymous, I wasted my time for real there. Damn ?

  125. The beginning made me expect a terribly written "telling-not-showing" story… which I pretty much got until Fluttershy's entrance. From that point on, the dynamics of the story skyrocketed beyond that of the (horrendous) Epilogue. It felt like the writer was too anxious to reach the parts that (s)he had already fleshed out. (S)he probably thought of Pinkie Pie's story long before Applejack's or Rainbow Dash's.Pinkie Pie's story had me on the verge of tears until she started singing… but after that, the story returned to mediocrity with the suicide.It had serious potential if the author had put as much effort in to the other Ponies' stories.

  126. The beginning made me expect a terribly written "telling-not-showing" story… which I pretty much got until Fluttershy's entrance. From that point on, the dynamics of the story skyrocketed beyond that of the (horrendous) Epilogue. It felt like the writer was too anxious to reach the parts that (s)he had already fleshed out. (S)he probably thought of Pinkie Pie's story long before Applejack's or Rainbow Dash's.Pinkie Pie's story had me on the verge of tears until she started singing… but after that, the story returned to mediocrity with the suicide.It had serious potential if the author had put as much effort in to the other Ponies' stories.

  127. Anonymous says:

    A good but very sad story had me crying at the end.

  128. Anonymous says:

    A good but very sad story had me crying at the end.

  129. Anonymous says:

    This is done in a sort of torn apart mish-mashy way, but the overall story is nice. Yeah, the off panel stuff is kind of disheartening, but still, this is Twilight's story. Also, I kind of laughed when I thought of rarity as a slave trader, made me think of that South Park episode,"Crack Baby Basketball. I liked it, but it felt disjointed and lost in some parts. Yes, the ending is sad, but still kind of unpredictable, which is great. C+ overall.

  130. Anonymous says:

    This is done in a sort of torn apart mish-mashy way, but the overall story is nice. Yeah, the off panel stuff is kind of disheartening, but still, this is Twilight's story. Also, I kind of laughed when I thought of rarity as a slave trader, made me think of that South Park episode,"Crack Baby Basketball. I liked it, but it felt disjointed and lost in some parts. Yes, the ending is sad, but still kind of unpredictable, which is great. C+ overall.

  131. Vermillon says:

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  132. Vermillon says:

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  133. Vermillon says:

    And now that rants out the way, i will break it down a little better.Yes , a lot of comments here are completely correct , there are many parts i could have easily improved apon. For one the Epilogue really needs to go , that is a given , the only reason i tacked it on at the end was because i didnt want the story to end abruptly on Twilights death, but that would have been the better choice really. The prologue however, i had intended to write a second story explaining Celestia's death and Spikes, i just never got round to it , and as such yes it does come off as rushed , but its stoo late now.I also agree with the fact i could have fleshed out the character segments a bit more, i did think the story was beggining to become too long as it was , but in hindshight , i think it would have been for the best, some more scenic detail would also not have gone amiss. As for the pre planned stuff ? Actually, in all honesty , i made most of it up as i went along , silly as that may seem. Pinkies death (The main part that actually did what it was supposed to , to the reader) i did plan from the start however. All in all, i would actually rate it as 2 stars really. I never really set out to create a masterpiece , in fact my actual reasons were a little more pathetic but i wont say why. Still im happy that some people were emotionally touched by it. I will try better in the future, thankyou for your input all however

  134. Vermillon says:

    And now that rants out the way, i will break it down a little better.Yes , a lot of comments here are completely correct , there are many parts i could have easily improved apon. For one the Epilogue really needs to go , that is a given , the only reason i tacked it on at the end was because i didnt want the story to end abruptly on Twilights death, but that would have been the better choice really. The prologue however, i had intended to write a second story explaining Celestia's death and Spikes, i just never got round to it , and as such yes it does come off as rushed , but its stoo late now.I also agree with the fact i could have fleshed out the character segments a bit more, i did think the story was beggining to become too long as it was , but in hindshight , i think it would have been for the best, some more scenic detail would also not have gone amiss. As for the pre planned stuff ? Actually, in all honesty , i made most of it up as i went along , silly as that may seem. Pinkies death (The main part that actually did what it was supposed to , to the reader) i did plan from the start however. All in all, i would actually rate it as 2 stars really. I never really set out to create a masterpiece , in fact my actual reasons were a little more pathetic but i wont say why. Still im happy that some people were emotionally touched by it. I will try better in the future, thankyou for your input all however

  135. Vermillon says:

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  136. Vermillon says:

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  137. @AnonymousI'm gonna do my best to love and tolerate you, but that was a really nasty comment.

  138. @AnonymousI'm gonna do my best to love and tolerate you, but that was a really nasty comment.

  139. Anonymous says:

    This was simply heartbreaking. My MAn card is now 100 points more in debt. My eyes swelled up and i made a mess on my keyboard. You actually made me depressed for a few days after reading it. It was a very powerful story. I am both glad i found something great to read and regretful that you made sadness swell up in me that i havent felt since i lost my grandfather a year or two back. Lotsa Tears Were shed Man… LOTSA teards 🙂

  140. Anonymous says:

    This was simply heartbreaking. My MAn card is now 100 points more in debt. My eyes swelled up and i made a mess on my keyboard. You actually made me depressed for a few days after reading it. It was a very powerful story. I am both glad i found something great to read and regretful that you made sadness swell up in me that i havent felt since i lost my grandfather a year or two back. Lotsa Tears Were shed Man… LOTSA teards 🙂

  141. Anonymous says:

    Yep, this one was pretty slap-dash, but just about believable until we get to Rarity.What. The. Hay.Seriously, I don't care what happened in those six years, Rarity would not just trade in her generosity and compassion for success as a designer, or was it a case of 'derp, she's a fashionista, ergo, a ruthless sociopath'. And using materials from animals at all, never mind while keeping Fluttershy around and having the first thing to do with slavers?! Bad form, brony.By the time it got to the epilogue, well, I just can't take her having her own murder squad seriously, you lost me at that point.BUT all was not lost; emerging out of the flames and twisted metal of that narrative trainwreck was Pinkie Pie's scene which, while short, dug the knife in and twisted it.I love these ponies, and I could picture Pinkie fading away in Twilight's arms, her weak, dry voice, her joyless singing.When Pinkie's heart breaks. Yes, I wept, and I am doing so again as I type and think back to that, so well done in that respect.Rarity's character assassination is still unforgivable though.

  142. Anonymous says:

    Yep, this one was pretty slap-dash, but just about believable until we get to Rarity.What. The. Hay.Seriously, I don't care what happened in those six years, Rarity would not just trade in her generosity and compassion for success as a designer, or was it a case of 'derp, she's a fashionista, ergo, a ruthless sociopath'. And using materials from animals at all, never mind while keeping Fluttershy around and having the first thing to do with slavers?! Bad form, brony.By the time it got to the epilogue, well, I just can't take her having her own murder squad seriously, you lost me at that point.BUT all was not lost; emerging out of the flames and twisted metal of that narrative trainwreck was Pinkie Pie's scene which, while short, dug the knife in and twisted it.I love these ponies, and I could picture Pinkie fading away in Twilight's arms, her weak, dry voice, her joyless singing.When Pinkie's heart breaks. Yes, I wept, and I am doing so again as I type and think back to that, so well done in that respect.Rarity's character assassination is still unforgivable though.

  143. Vermillon says:

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  144. Vermillon says:

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  145. Roxor says:

    Not too bad, but it has the potential to be a lot better.The intro reads like an outline for a much longer story. It probably has the potential for a story 100k words in length, at least.Applejack's situation is, I guess, possible.Rainbow Dash? Yeah, I can buy that. Sounds like the sort of half-baked thing she'd do.Fluttershy? Nope. I'm not buying the slavers thing. It's way too out of place for the setting.Rarity was interesting (and probably not as honest as the author would like us to believe). I actually had some darker expectations about her. Like Fluttershy's larynx damage being her fault, and the material for the clothing coming from skinning ponies.Pinkie Pie, however, oh, that was by far the best part of the story. It's one of the few times a work of fiction has genuinely made me feel sad. Sorry, but as sad as the scene was, no tears from me.Twilight's suicide? Not buying it. I don't care how much crap you throw at her, I just can't see her being psychologically fragile enough to resort to killing herself. Sacrificing herself to save others, sure, but not suicide.I think it seems like the author just ran out of ideas after Pinkie's death. The epilogue seems similarly idea-exhausted, and frankly, completely unnecessary.Overall, I'm giving this 3/5 stars.

  146. Roxor says:

    Not too bad, but it has the potential to be a lot better.The intro reads like an outline for a much longer story. It probably has the potential for a story 100k words in length, at least.Applejack's situation is, I guess, possible.Rainbow Dash? Yeah, I can buy that. Sounds like the sort of half-baked thing she'd do.Fluttershy? Nope. I'm not buying the slavers thing. It's way too out of place for the setting.Rarity was interesting (and probably not as honest as the author would like us to believe). I actually had some darker expectations about her. Like Fluttershy's larynx damage being her fault, and the material for the clothing coming from skinning ponies.Pinkie Pie, however, oh, that was by far the best part of the story. It's one of the few times a work of fiction has genuinely made me feel sad. Sorry, but as sad as the scene was, no tears from me.Twilight's suicide? Not buying it. I don't care how much crap you throw at her, I just can't see her being psychologically fragile enough to resort to killing herself. Sacrificing herself to save others, sure, but not suicide.I think it seems like the author just ran out of ideas after Pinkie's death. The epilogue seems similarly idea-exhausted, and frankly, completely unnecessary.Overall, I'm giving this 3/5 stars.

  147. Anonymous says:

    I loved the story. I tried to cry, but I somehow suppressed my emotions to the point where I have become cold, and heartless. I felt sad while I read this story, which was great btw, but i couldnt convince myself that it was sadness I was feeling. I wish I could feel the sadness you all felt while reading the story. But I loved the story, and will never forget it

  148. Anonymous says:

    I loved the story. I tried to cry, but I somehow suppressed my emotions to the point where I have become cold, and heartless. I felt sad while I read this story, which was great btw, but i couldnt convince myself that it was sadness I was feeling. I wish I could feel the sadness you all felt while reading the story. But I loved the story, and will never forget it

  149. Anonymous says:

    Someponys think that twiligt killing herself in the end is dumb. It actually kinda makes sense. Twilight did become attached to her friends very much, but it wasn't enough time for her to learn to deal with the fact they were going to change. She was in a coma for 6 years. She never saw the small changes, leading up to the big changes, so when she woke up, there was a huge time gap she missed. She wasn't used to the newer ways her friends were, so she didn't know how to cope with it. So she wanted to forget it all, and killed herself.

  150. Anonymous says:

    Someponys think that twiligt killing herself in the end is dumb. It actually kinda makes sense. Twilight did become attached to her friends very much, but it wasn't enough time for her to learn to deal with the fact they were going to change. She was in a coma for 6 years. She never saw the small changes, leading up to the big changes, so when she woke up, there was a huge time gap she missed. She wasn't used to the newer ways her friends were, so she didn't know how to cope with it. So she wanted to forget it all, and killed herself.

  151. Vermillon says:

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  152. Vermillon says:

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  153. Vermillon says:

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  154. Vermillon says:

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  155. TenchiFreak5 says:

    The concepts of the continuation are much more believable than those of original, but the story itself isn't written as well on a technical level.

  156. TenchiFreak5 says:

    The concepts of the continuation are much more believable than those of original, but the story itself isn't written as well on a technical level.

  157. Anonymous says:

    No need to comment on the first story. It's been done by enough people.Second story, by different author…hoo boy.The grammar, spelling, and syntax really dragged me out of the story. Could not for an instant get into it, because I was always wondering why that sentence was a run on, or why that word was capitalized. The gaps it was supposedly trying to fill…well, I don't think they did a very good job. I like the idea of where the author was going, of trying to make this a happier story, but that personally feels like its trying to slap the original author and the audience. We're grown up people. We can handle dark stuff. And if we want, we can come up with our own reasons as to why stuff happened, and what happened afterwords. If we want our own happy ending, we make it.But it doesn't mean we have to share it with others.Sorry for being blunt, but I'm afraid I didn't like this story very much. I hope you can forgive me for that.

  158. Anonymous says:

    No need to comment on the first story. It's been done by enough people.Second story, by different author…hoo boy.The grammar, spelling, and syntax really dragged me out of the story. Could not for an instant get into it, because I was always wondering why that sentence was a run on, or why that word was capitalized. The gaps it was supposedly trying to fill…well, I don't think they did a very good job. I like the idea of where the author was going, of trying to make this a happier story, but that personally feels like its trying to slap the original author and the audience. We're grown up people. We can handle dark stuff. And if we want, we can come up with our own reasons as to why stuff happened, and what happened afterwords. If we want our own happy ending, we make it.But it doesn't mean we have to share it with others.Sorry for being blunt, but I'm afraid I didn't like this story very much. I hope you can forgive me for that.

  159. Anonymous says:

    P.S. It sucks that I can't rate these stories separately.P.P.S. It sucks that I can't edit my previous comment to include this.

  160. Anonymous says:

    P.S. It sucks that I can't rate these stories separately.P.P.S. It sucks that I can't edit my previous comment to include this.

  161. Thesyn says:

    im happy for this. too many sad endings *brohoof author*

  162. Thesyn says:

    im happy for this. too many sad endings *brohoof author*

  163. Anonymous says:

    The first story, while I enjoyed it somewhat (Yes the ending was a bit cheap) I could handleThe second unofficial ending? Oh god it's a car crash in slow motion. I can't even bring myself to actually READ this, I'm constantly skimming it because it's not very grimdark, it's random BEYOND belief (Not the good type of random) and it's just not comedic. Comedy is doing something funny, or cracking a joke, or a funny situation. Not throwing catchphrases in one after the other.And don't get me started on the actual grammar and whatnot. While I can't critique, I know when something is wrong.And this is.

  164. Anonymous says:

    The first story, while I enjoyed it somewhat (Yes the ending was a bit cheap) I could handleThe second unofficial ending? Oh god it's a car crash in slow motion. I can't even bring myself to actually READ this, I'm constantly skimming it because it's not very grimdark, it's random BEYOND belief (Not the good type of random) and it's just not comedic. Comedy is doing something funny, or cracking a joke, or a funny situation. Not throwing catchphrases in one after the other.And don't get me started on the actual grammar and whatnot. While I can't critique, I know when something is wrong.And this is.

  165. Anonymous says:

    Considering that these are by two different authors, I'd like to rate the fics separately. The first needed polish, but wasn't bad for what it was. the unofficial ending, though- the grammatical errors, poor characterization, and horrible sense of 'comedy' just make it poorly-done and a boring read.

  166. Anonymous says:

    Considering that these are by two different authors, I'd like to rate the fics separately. The first needed polish, but wasn't bad for what it was. the unofficial ending, though- the grammatical errors, poor characterization, and horrible sense of 'comedy' just make it poorly-done and a boring read.

  167. Hellfish says:

    The first one actually made me shed a tear.Need to reed some happy Stories now or i might have a emotional collapse. Nice Story

  168. Hellfish says:

    The first one actually made me shed a tear.Need to reed some happy Stories now or i might have a emotional collapse. Nice Story

  169. Casper says:

    Wow… this left a tear in my eye… 5 stars, its very well writen and, even though sad, a good story.

  170. Casper says:

    Wow… this left a tear in my eye… 5 stars, its very well writen and, even though sad, a good story.

  171. rob says:

    that was……absolutely……beautiful, pinkie's part brought on many tears and when she started singing i totally lost it 😥

  172. rob says:

    that was……absolutely……beautiful, pinkie's part brought on many tears and when she started singing i totally lost it 😥

  173. Timber says:

    Why… Why did I read this… Its too well written to put down… and I read it to the end…TT.=.TT

  174. Timber says:

    Why… Why did I read this… Its too well written to put down… and I read it to the end…TT.=.TT

  175. Anonymous says:

    Already in the first paragraph there's a factual error.At least Rainbow and Flutter have been confirmed to have met before then, and they all seemed to know each other in the pilot.This is for the first story, and I'm just saying.

  176. Anonymous says:

    Already in the first paragraph there's a factual error.At least Rainbow and Flutter have been confirmed to have met before then, and they all seemed to know each other in the pilot.This is for the first story, and I'm just saying.

  177. Anonymous says:

    It would have been something great, but there were way too many grammatical errors that it completely dulled out the gravity of the situation for me.The only good scene was Pinkie Pie's events. I think that actually managed to skip out on the grammar issues; or at least a good part of it. Even then, her singing could've been expanded upon. So close to making me cry, but oh well~The unofficial continuation was even worse. It was just…random. And not Pinkie Pie random.It's just plain disappointing that people are talking about how this makes them cry as though presentation has nothing to do with the effect. It just encourages bad writing, imo *monocle*/end critiponyOh, and this delightful anonypony threw me a silly bone of a joke. It involved the humerus! What a card!

  178. Anonymous says:

    It would have been something great, but there were way too many grammatical errors that it completely dulled out the gravity of the situation for me.The only good scene was Pinkie Pie's events. I think that actually managed to skip out on the grammar issues; or at least a good part of it. Even then, her singing could've been expanded upon. So close to making me cry, but oh well~The unofficial continuation was even worse. It was just…random. And not Pinkie Pie random.It's just plain disappointing that people are talking about how this makes them cry as though presentation has nothing to do with the effect. It just encourages bad writing, imo *monocle*/end critiponyOh, and this delightful anonypony threw me a silly bone of a joke. It involved the humerus! What a card!

  179. Anonymous says:

    First story to ever make me cry. I LOST IT when I read about Pinkie Pie.

  180. Anonymous says:

    First story to ever make me cry. I LOST IT when I read about Pinkie Pie.

  181. Anonymous says:

    The first story was great. I'm not very picky about stuff being well written as long as it's not terrible. And I must say I enjoyed the first part, it may have some flaws when it comes to character design matching up canon, but it was still partly believe able.The second part? (Which was not made by the same person even.) Oh god, get the fuck out?I can understand wanting to add more to this story and suppliment what was missing. (The original could heavily be expanded upon.) But trying to say that everything just works out? Not buying it, it just ruins everything the original stod for.>Spoiler below:Twilight surviving? I can buy it, after all, she got the element of magic.Her horn growing back and she suddenly get over all the shock and depression she experienced? Not so much.I can buy some things working out, like rarity having a change of heart for example. But fluttershy getting her voice back? (Granted her losing it was not really an example of good story design, but whatever.) That's just comical funny, in a way that you laugh at how terribly hard you try to make everything good again.But fuck saving twilight and making every pony decently happy, as an ending we can throw in a time warp back to the past again and everypony can be happy!oh, wait. :/I enjoyed reading it, and I do think you should write more fictions, but you just ruined some pony else work, and I really don't think that's the way to go! :/

  182. Anonymous says:

    The first story was great. I'm not very picky about stuff being well written as long as it's not terrible. And I must say I enjoyed the first part, it may have some flaws when it comes to character design matching up canon, but it was still partly believe able.The second part? (Which was not made by the same person even.) Oh god, get the fuck out?I can understand wanting to add more to this story and suppliment what was missing. (The original could heavily be expanded upon.) But trying to say that everything just works out? Not buying it, it just ruins everything the original stod for.>Spoiler below:Twilight surviving? I can buy it, after all, she got the element of magic.Her horn growing back and she suddenly get over all the shock and depression she experienced? Not so much.I can buy some things working out, like rarity having a change of heart for example. But fluttershy getting her voice back? (Granted her losing it was not really an example of good story design, but whatever.) That's just comical funny, in a way that you laugh at how terribly hard you try to make everything good again.But fuck saving twilight and making every pony decently happy, as an ending we can throw in a time warp back to the past again and everypony can be happy!oh, wait. :/I enjoyed reading it, and I do think you should write more fictions, but you just ruined some pony else work, and I really don't think that's the way to go! :/

  183. specter114 says:

    I think I'm depressed now.

  184. specter114 says:

    I think I'm depressed now.

  185. Anonymous says:

    I love how the ending in the 1st fic makes you think alot about how bad things can get when you make a mistake that can change alot of things….it bugs me a bit.

  186. Anonymous says:

    I love how the ending in the 1st fic makes you think alot about how bad things can get when you make a mistake that can change alot of things….it bugs me a bit.

  187. Nova25 says:

    Why, just -why- does that story has a sequel ?Seriously… it has ''that'' smell to it…Not exactly like, but simillar in a way to ''that one story''……

  188. Nova25 says:

    Why, just -why- does that story has a sequel ?Seriously… it has ''that'' smell to it…Not exactly like, but simillar in a way to ''that one story''……

  189. Anonymous says:

    Wow, this is the first fic I've ever read that brought me to tears.

  190. Anonymous says:

    Wow, this is the first fic I've ever read that brought me to tears.

  191. Anonymous says:

    I'm getting a "Need Permission" page for the second story. Is this happening to anyone else?

  192. Anonymous says:

    I'm getting a "Need Permission" page for the second story. Is this happening to anyone else?

  193. Anonymous says:

    @AnonymousIt's not just you — I got a "need permission" page, too.

  194. Anonymous says:

    @AnonymousIt's not just you — I got a "need permission" page, too.

  195. Anonymous says:

    Yeah I'm getting that too.

  196. Anonymous says:

    Yeah I'm getting that too.

  197. Midnight says:

    derp. the second fic is locked for the author only again. Not sure what happened here, but it may have been the emailderp.Let's see if we can get it unlocked and available. Sorry folks!

  198. Midnight says:

    derp. the second fic is locked for the author only again. Not sure what happened here, but it may have been the emailderp.Let's see if we can get it unlocked and available. Sorry folks!

  199. Anonymous says:

    All my one stars.

  200. Anonymous says:

    All my one stars.

  201. Sun Ray says:

    PLEASE FIX, I WANT TO READ THE SECOND PART!

  202. Sun Ray says:

    PLEASE FIX, I WANT TO READ THE SECOND PART!

  203. Bartekko says:

    well, i play cod without caring about killing every single thing, and LOVE kicking heads off in Gears of War, also i completed GTAs from III to IVBut… I can't stand this in this fanfic…gotta get the mane cast figures, and hug'em

  204. Bartekko says:

    well, i play cod without caring about killing every single thing, and LOVE kicking heads off in Gears of War, also i completed GTAs from III to IVBut… I can't stand this in this fanfic…gotta get the mane cast figures, and hug'em

  205. Mark says:

    After reading the 1st one, i need a damn tissue..a box of em more likely

  206. Mark says:

    After reading the 1st one, i need a damn tissue..a box of em more likely

  207. Xkhaoz says:

    Wow, i'm surprised i held back the tears, well, I kinda had to as my family was in the room right over.

  208. Xkhaoz says:

    Wow, i'm surprised i held back the tears, well, I kinda had to as my family was in the room right over.

  209. Sun Ray says:

    ****ING FIX YOUR **** PLEASE. Can you not take a hint from the hundreds of people spamming your with requests to view the doc?

  210. Sun Ray says:

    ****ING FIX YOUR **** PLEASE. Can you not take a hint from the hundreds of people spamming your with requests to view the doc?

  211. This comment has been removed by the author.

  212. This comment has been removed by the author.

  213. PRODVDi says:

    That second one is SO AWESOME!! I imagine.

  214. PRODVDi says:

    That second one is SO AWESOME!! I imagine.

  215. Anonymous says:

    For Celestia's sake, unlock the second part!

  216. Anonymous says:

    For Celestia's sake, unlock the second part!

  217. Anonymous says:

    UNLOCK SECOND PART DAMMIT

  218. Anonymous says:

    UNLOCK SECOND PART DAMMIT

  219. Anonymous says:

    You're a hack, Vermillion. If the capacity to write shit like this exists in your soul, you must be a terrible human being. Im just kidding. I know you can't possibly have a soul. This fanfic proves it. If happiness and fun were matter, your fanfic would be ANTI-MATTER. It annihilates any joy and hope and leaves behind a pure vacuum of bleak desolation and misery. I hope you get cancer for this story, you sick twisted freak. There's something horribly wrong with you as a person.

  220. Anonymous says:

    You're a hack, Vermillion. If the capacity to write shit like this exists in your soul, you must be a terrible human being. Im just kidding. I know you can't possibly have a soul. This fanfic proves it. If happiness and fun were matter, your fanfic would be ANTI-MATTER. It annihilates any joy and hope and leaves behind a pure vacuum of bleak desolation and misery. I hope you get cancer for this story, you sick twisted freak. There's something horribly wrong with you as a person.

  221. Anonymous says:

    well congratulations sir you have made me cry

  222. Anonymous says:

    well congratulations sir you have made me cry

  223. Vermillon says:

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  224. Vermillon says:

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  225. Vermillon says:

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  226. Vermillon says:

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  227. Anonymous says:

    @AnonymousBrethren, art thou cross?

  228. Markeith says:

    Why was the second story removed?

  229. richfiles says:

    @VermillonDon't let the weirdos and the trolls get to you. It's inevitable that as the fandom grows, it'll attract more negativity in the form of trolls who will feel just as compelled to spam these comments with hate as they are spamming their beloved /b/ with the same hate.I hate to see bad things depicted as happening to the mane cast, yet those can be some of the greatest stories. As sad as it was, I liked it for being sorrowful and nihilistic (OMG O_o I spelled that correctly!), and as such, I couldn't care less if things in the story aren't 120% perfect. Let the grammar nazi's whine, let the haters of grimdark (but who still read them anyway and get all butt hurt over it) trolls whine. These people feed off of pain. Let's not forget that we are better than that.Let's ignore the losers, and fire back with some friendship. Worst that happens, is they continue to be douchy. Best is they start to get bored, or even play nice.Don't let them get to you. I certainly didn't know that the second story wasn't yours. I was hoping to read it, simply because I assumed it was yours.Sad as your story was, that's OK. If you've truly had enough, that's fine. I hope season 2 is as awesome as season 1 was, and I hope you are able to enjoy it. It takes skill to throw together a fan fiction. I do hope you don't let that skill go to waste. Even if there were some errors or mistakes, whatever! Who cares. We all grow from out past experiences, and it makes us better people.Trolls are simply people who stagnate without learning. They are to be ignored, as nothing good comes of such lowly beings.Let yourself grow, and don't be afraid of a little douchbaggery or of putting up the bullshit shields now and then.Good luck Vermillion

  230. bamakid1272 says:

    Ok, I give it to some people how all hell breaking loose for the mane cast can be considered a little extreme. I didn't notice it at first, but the more I look back on it, the more I can see it. Really, the only thing that bothers me is Rarity TOTALLY not giving two shits about her old friends. Not how she cares less, but seemingly doesn't care at all anymore. And I know she acted like she cared, but I felt that as more of an act. Otherwise, eh, it's Grimdark, it's what I read it for.But, Pinkie's dying and so forth, hell I cried. Hard. Her dying scene was already making me feel sad, but honestly the fountain's didn't really start until Twilight's suicide. Not her death itself, but her thoughts during her fall. I could picture it all in my head, the thoughts of all th good times, her thoughts of her dead loved ones, her final farewell. I wanted to vomit I felt so sad. I just pictured it all, and damn I'm glad everyone else in my house was asleep. I don't know why the whole "someone dies and reunites with old friends in heaven and waits for the rest" gets to me so much. To me, it's bittersweet to me. While some think "Oh she dies, the end, nothing but sadness," I see "She's gone from this world, but is waiting in Paradise with Friend's she's been missing and is waiting on everyone else." So I have touble tears, those of sadness and joy. So, yeah, I really enjoyed the ending.Now this entire thing is based on the first story, because according to the comments, the second story was locked and it wasn't even by the same guy. And it was apparently awful. So personally, I'm glad I can't see it now so it doesn't ruin the first for me. But I would like to see it in the future, just because of curiosity.Overall, I greatly enjoyed the story. Most of it was sad but it didn't affect me to much emotional wise. I still enjoyed it though. The lase part was what made me go hysterical. Yes, there are a few gramatical errors, and some things seem a little much, but that happens in most fanfics, and to me this was one of the better ones. Only thing I kind of wish I could of seen was everyone else's reactions to the death of Twilight and Pinkie. And I mean from the ACTUAL AUTHOR. Nontheless, overall a very heartwrenching and enjoyable story.P.S. For all those bitching about how he could come up with something so sad and dark, it's Grimdark people. It's SUPPOSED to be that way. Not everything is happy go lucky in real life, and I can't imagine them putting anything dark in the real show, considering some of the viewers actually are small girls.

  231. Fachsenbude says:

    What now? Couldn't even read 2nd part, trolls are trolling, haters hate and many didn't even got a chance of reading.

  232. This comment has been removed by the author.

  233. Sunflower says:

    I've enjoyed this story a lot. (then again, i enjoyed Cupcakes a lot)It was emotionally gripping at times. prhaps over the top, but it trumps a bunch of other fanfics I've read.I liked how the characteristics of the ponies, although they did change drastically in their unfortune. Heck, I even felt that Rarity did have good intentions for her friends, to the point I felt bad that they caused her to lose everything she owned. I mean, you just set everything of a friend on fire and then you turn away from her, not even trying to extinguish it. that's kind of hard.I also like the fact that Pinkie for once didn't turn into a ponycidal maniac confronting Twilight, which is a nice change to the classic. I didn't really think the suicide, albeit dramatic, was that much of an issue.The only part of the suicide I would like to see changed with these fics (or dieing for that matter) is the memories of the deceased the doomed ones are having. Rather overly dramatic. Don't know if this is a consequence of Christian values sneaking in there. Basically: wam boom dead, the end. Cruel and efficient.I would love to see other parts of Vermilion's work on Ponies, though…

  234. Gregory says:

    @VermillonHello Vermillon? I would like to ask you if I could create a multi para. sequel to this story, FiT.

  235. rob says:

    has anyone got a link to the second story?

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