Story: Elements of Discord (Updated Chapter 11!)

[Normal] This idea has been floating around for a while now.  It was inevitable that we would get a story about it.  

Author: Midnight Shadow

Description:  A strange storm leaves destruction in it's wake, stirring up an ancient evil best left in the dark. The six ponies bearing the elements of harmony may just have met their match as evil, twisted versions of them appear in town causing havoc and mischief. There are rumours of Nightmare Moon's return, but Luna is still Luna – what can it mean? Who is behind this? Is this the end of Equestria? Who is the empress who rules these new nega-ponies with an iron hoof? Stay tuned and find out.

Elements of Discord (All Links) (New Chapter 11!)

Elements of Discord (All Links Alt)

Additional Tags: adventure, chaos, battle, bravery, magic


All side stories after the break!
Read more »

This entry was posted in Author: Midnight Shadow, Everypony, Incomplete, Normal, Star-5, Story. Bookmark the permalink.

134 Responses to Story: Elements of Discord (Updated Chapter 11!)

  1. This story is awesome so far! Nice use of the whole 4-stars mystery as well.I'm covering some slightly similar ground in the final two parts of my "The Party Never Ended" story, but thankfully write-friends don't seem to think EXACTLY alike….Eagerly awaiting the next parts.

  2. Tanner says:

    This is going to be cool. Looking forward to the next parts

  3. Darkhawk1 says:

    Interesting. I await the next part.

  4. Sethisto says:

    @ButterscotchSundaeYou should totally go finish that imo! Poor pinkie…

  5. Anonymous says:

    what were the opposite elements again?

  6. Anonymous says:

    @ButterscotchSundaeWhy can't you put the whole story of yours on docs?I can't read the parts of the story I don't have access to

  7. Anonymous says:

    @AnonymousIt's also on his DA. Check that.

  8. Anonymous says:

    Shaping up to be a good one! Although evil Twilight always makes me really sad.Just one extremely minor nitpick: in the first part, Rarity says Dash sprained a tibia…how exactly would one go about spraining a leg bone? Sprains only occur in joints. Was this intentional, to show Rarity's ignorance?

  9. Midnight says:

    @AnonymousIt's me trying to sound more cleverer than I really am. I'm not a clever pony :(what should it say – I want her to have a sprained ankle but for it to sound more professional.

  10. Anonymous says:

    Wouldn't the correct terminology be "iron hoof" instead of "iron fist"?

  11. Midnight says:

    @Anonymousack! I didn't catch that…

  12. Zarkanorf says:

    Midnight, you are awesome. Anything else I could say right now would be blathering, but I needed to say that you are awesome.When the story is all said and done, I will write ya a thorough review~

  13. Anonymous says:

    Bah! You beat me to it. Doing a great job so far, though!

  14. Anonymous says:

    I had a similar concept to your story involving Nightmare Moons armor and it possessing some form of evil separate from Luna. But I don't have the time to write it. Though this looks like it will be a good read. Are we going to see Spike soon? He is/was Twi's closest friend other than the ponies.

  15. Anonymous says:

    @MidnightWell, probably the most common form of sprained ankle involves a partially torn anterior talofibular ligament.But honestly, I think Rarity would probably just call it a sprained ankle, so as not to confuse the hell outta Dash and have to explain what an anterior talofibular ligament is!

  16. Anonymous says:

    @AnonymousAnd actually, now that I think about it, that whole ankle terminology would only be correct if Dash was a human. I'm not overly familiar with pony ligaments!However, my best guess after 10 minutes of studying equine anatomy on wikipedia would be that an injury of the long plantar ligament would be most analogous to a sprained ankle. Or you could just call Dash's injury a sprained ankle!

  17. Anonymous says:

    @AnonymousAnd actually, now that I think about it, the above terminology would only be correct if Dash was a human! I'm completely unfamiliar with pony ligaments, but 10 minutes of studying equine anatomy on wikipedia seems to indicate that an injury to the long plantar ligament would probably be most analogous to a sprained ankle in a human.So, use that. Or you could just call it a Sprained Ankle!

  18. Anonymous says:

    @AnonymousActually, now that I think about it, the above terminology would only be correct if Dash was human. Horses don't even technically have ankles! Their "ankle" actually consists of several different joints.I'm not really very familiar with equine anatomy, but some wikipedia browsing seems to indicate that an injury to the plantar ligament in horses would probably be most analogous to a sprained ankle in humans. Of course, My Little Ponies don't necessarily need to share the same anatomy as real horses! Maybe they DO have ankles! In fact, I'm now kinda hoping for an intact pony skeleton to pop up somewhere in the show, so I can overanalyze it.

  19. Ebon Mane says:

    Evil Twilight? Yes plz.

  20. Midnight says:

    @AnonymousIn the interests of SCIENCE! I will attempt to investigate the anatomy of winged equines…

  21. Anonymous says:

    I love evil!twilight.

  22. Midnight says:

    (also, sorry for writing too little and posting too much – I'm considering longer chapters that appear less often, atleast where they can bump other posts off the page)

  23. Anonymous says:

    Aww, poor Trixie. Really liking where this is going, though. I think this might be more appropriately labeled Grimdark after what happened to Trixie and Fluttershy's chickens.

  24. Anonymous says:

    I agree with labeling this as Grimdark.

  25. Midnight says:

    This is about as grimdark as I'm intending it gets, I wouldn't want to put anyone off – is pg13 really grimdark? It's a pity we don't really have a "slightly icky" tag 😛

  26. Pecan says:

    "I’m not your sister, I don’t know who you are, I don’t WANT to know who you are and I want you to put the bunny back in the box and get out.”"put the bunny back in the box"Con Air Ponies. Yes. You win so much for this.

  27. Anonymous says:

    This is really interesting so far, and well written. But I wouldn't really put it as normal? Evil versions of the ponies coming out of a nega-verse to cause havoc and destruction? Probably a bit leaning closer to grimdark to me.

  28. Anonymous says:

    @MidnightProbably want to have someone double check your writing for you. I noticed one or two typos then and there.Take your time and slow down if you need to.

  29. Anonymous says:

    Twilight Doom sounds awesomeBat wings, terrible armor, this is going to be cool

  30. Anonymous says:

    I think the nega-ponies (and maybe other things) could use a little more description. Like, was Slicen'Die's hair style the same as Fluttershy's or not? I hardly think a sociopath would take the time to straighten her hair. Speaking of Fluttershy: talk about a snowball's chance in hell with where she's going. 😦

  31. Darkhawk1 says:

    Holy cow, great idea just popped into my head:Negative Derpy Hooves.I'll just let that sink in for a second.

  32. Midnight says:

    @Darkhawk1SSHHH!! no using the hermindlink for spoilers to sections I haven't written yet! It messes up causality and annoys the author! 😉

  33. Midnight says:

    @AnonymousI think you're right, and that's also another reason why the next chapter may need to wait a bit longer than the latest two did.Writing canon ponies that sound like canon ponies is difficult enough, imagining fitting, believable evil opposites is harder.

  34. Anonymous says:

    Wow this fanfic did what any other fanfic failed to do.You made me hate TS almost as much as I hate Gilda. Now if only I had an hat.Still a good story so far can't wait for the next chapterI just hope Trixie ends up alright…

  35. Anonymous says:

    @Midnight Herp Derp, and I forgot to mention something:The pacing seems a little fast, but that just might be because you posted often in a short time. Still, you may just want to give a look at the second part of Cereal Velocity's pony writing guide for help with that. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-euBlq41l6OCOVV2KnL-jT4e7xSWuZVwlY_xcHan6gc/edit?hl=en&authkey=CPqj8scG#

  36. And now we meet the rest of the group…The plot thickens!

  37. Anonymous says:

    You accidently put 3 instead of 4

  38. Midnight says:

    you can blame blogpony for that! It's the new link though!

  39. Not bad. Not bad at all. Definitely an improvement over the first draft that was posted on the other boards. My only complaint is that I'm kinda wondering what the point was of Slicen'Die getting Fluttershy if there's going to be an all out invasion anyway. One can imagine, however. The other thing is that I feel Zecora figured out what happened to Trixie too easily. Spike could have said a few words though. But kudos to you and Zecora's rhyming speech. Pulling that off can be quite a feat! (Lol)

  40. Midnight says:

    @TheHarbingerNah-ah! If I told you why Fluttershy was stolen first, it would spoil things!

  41. Midnight says:

    @PeachyPunchI do apologize for such a wait – ch.6 already has some meat on it (and the plan itself goes much further), so hooves crossed it'll be quicker this time :)And tell me – the tweest in ch.4? the *gasp* in ch.5? You like? 🙂

  42. Mirror-Universe and Nega-Twilight. Oh dear, this is going to be Apocalypse Pony. It's probable that the generals of Celeste want to remove their counterparts, either to replace them, or simply so they can't oppose them.Still, there are elements that havn't come into play yet, the mirror-Luna and the Elements of Discord… oh wait… no, for parity ther'd have to be six, and there were only four spitis mentioned in Nightmare Moon's harness. Darn, so much for that idea.Excellent. Looking forward to more, even if I felt Twilight Sparkle went under too easily.

  43. Malicin says:

    I love when a story I somehow overlooked gets bumped up, and it turns out to be amazing. That's been happening a lot to me lately.After reading through all of it in one sitting, I realized all I wanted was more. Oh, and more Rainbow Dash. But I always want more Dash, so… 😛 Actually, maybe I should be asking for more Rainbow Crash as well? Hmm.But in all seriousness, it's a fun read so far. Good stuff all around! Can't wait for the next chapter.

  44. Midnight says:

    @MalicinOH SHIT YOU'RE RIGHT.gotta love me some rbd!the mane cast will be back in full force soon 🙂

  45. Anonymous says:

    It's gonna be the guy the ate Shadows from the original series. Zecora was helping him the whole time.Or at least it would be awesome if it was.OR TIRAK.

  46. Anonymous says:

    I'm loving this to death. I need more! More I tell you! MORE!um, if you don't mind I mean… 😉

  47. Brian says:

    Bright Eyes getting a role is awesome! Also, I LOVE evil vs. evil, so I can't wait for next chapter to see how the invading army fares against Nightmare Doom's forces! 😀

  48. BladeBurial says:

    This is my new favorite ponyfic. Well written as always Midnight. I wish I had something constructive to add, but really all I can say is I can't wait for the next update.

  49. Anonymous says:

    I freaking love war stories! This one is very good and I really look forward to the next chapter!Oh, by the way, why is it tagged [Normal]? Isn't this supposed to be [Grimdark]?

  50. Midnight says:

    @Anonymousif cupcakes, severing and rocket to insanity are grimdark, then no, this isn't grimdark. Since we're missing a "slightly icky" tag, it's [normal].

  51. Anonymous says:

    You know, Derpy lifting Mac is almost impossible, but lifting him and another pony? No thanks.Out of curiosity, from where the name 'Bright Eyes' came from? It's your invention or some reference?Also, the main cast feels a lot less special if some random ponies can replace them as Element's holders. That part needs more work, though it's acceptable. But, the jewels were shaped like marks of the holders, Derpy's isn't a muffin :PElse, the way two invader forces meet feel a bit cheap. Would be better if Luna goaded them into appearing there, somehow, IMHO.

  52. Midnight says:

    @AnonymousBut a muffin is the universal sign of friendship! what could be kinder than a muffin? :3Besides, it's Derpy! She's one extraordinary mail-mare. The name Bright Eyes is one of the fan-names for Derpy Hooves, you can read about them all at derpyhooves.com.

  53. Midnight says:

    @AnonymousOh I think she could manage it, for a short while at least – didn't you see Sonic Rainboom? Dash is carrying all three Wonderbolts AND Rarity at the same time!

  54. Bubbly! Noooooooo…

  55. You called Bubbly Ooze 'Bubbly Grime' again

  56. Meh the writing is pretty weak, imagery is fair at best, and the vernacular is really small… Plot doesn't seem to make sense at times. Still interesting to read though…

  57. Some very interesting ideas towards the end though. Zombies, Aliens, and a three way war Oh my! XD

  58. Midnight says:

    @TheHarbingerNActually if I'm calling bubbly grime "bubbly ooze" it's wrong…either way if I've screwed the name up I need a slap on the hooves…

  59. Anonymous says:

    Could the author include a bio on all the nega-ponies?Also, it was a strange coincidence that I thought Rarity's minus would be called Vanity before reading this!

  60. Midnight says:

    @AnonymousI actually have a cheat-sheet I use with ideas, short bio's and other pieces of information to try to keep myself consistent…I could clean it up and make it available…

  61. Kkat says:

    Wow! This is absolutely bloody fantastic! I'm on the edge of my seat and I can't wait for more.(BTW: I love the use of the mysterious four stars.)

  62. Batty Gloom says:

    What?!? You killed off Bubbly Grime?!?Oh, I am so frustrated I could just scream!*gasp*-aaaaaaaaah-

  63. Pride says:

    This story is awesome. It moves like lightning, striking you with awesome after awesome. I love it to bits.

  64. Scribbles says:

    FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUI was going to do this. I even had the name "Elements of Discord" picked out.Then I checked Equestria Daily, and realized it had already been done.*reads the first two chapters* Ah, but it's different enough I might be able to pull something off.Well, awesome story regardless. I don't read much fanfiction, but this one is highly interesting and well written.

  65. Anonymous says:

    This may be the best fanfiction I've ever read. Sure as hell is the most entertaining.I need moar!!! Erm, if that's okay with you I mean…

  66. Brian says:

    *faints from overexcitement, wakes up a few weeks later*That was an amazing chapter…but why did there have to be such a cliffhangar!?

  67. Garnot says:

    I'm loving this so far. Also, I wanted to use this title as well, but I think I will use a different one; this story is just worthy of bearing it's tile ^^

  68. Midnight says:

    I'm glad there's ponies still with me reading this – I'm trying to keep it interesting and have real development every chapter. The result is it's slower posting, but I hope more fun.there's another "elements of discord" being written on fanfiction.net as well – http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6855840/1/My_Little_Pony_The_bElements_b_of_bDiscord_bI'll say check it out, I'm not sure how much of it he's written (and I haven't read it myself because I don't want to be anywhere near it before I've finished my own story).If you love writing, write. I'm super-stoked when people appreciate what I create, but I try to make myself happy first 🙂

  69. Heartless says:

    Bravo. BRavo on Very solid and Perfectly Written Work. I commend you.

  70. Midnight says:

    holy crap, another excellent fanpic of my fanfic – I am so honoured:http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5629553It's weepy-cry, who *will* be back along with the rest of the surviving nega-mane-cast.thank you Sip! (found this on ponibooru, and through a meagre amount of sleuthing found the source)

  71. Hiandromon says:

    An good verses evil between parallels.I half expected Pinkie to put curly mustaches on their evil doubles.and To Quote Dr.Wily from the Megas song "Look at what you've done"(I feel this tells how Celeste the Sun Tyrant is feeling) -The battle is ending,True war is just beginning!-The Elements of Discord are in her court now and if she gets them all she can probably and will likely warp what remains of her army into powerful monsters, and that's ignoring the other beings that exist in her world.

  72. Anonymous says:

    *Read all eight chapters in a row* Whelp. Time to go delete everything I've ever written. Because it will never compare to what I just read. Good show, damn good show. Words cannot justify how bad I want to read more of this story.

  73. Midnight says:

    @AnonymousI hope you're kidding! (but I'm glad you like it, chapter 9 is also going to be a doozy)

  74. Anonymous says:

    This continues to amaze me! The quality of this piece is very consistent, something that I don't see very often.Keep writing brony, cause I can't wait for more.

  75. Anonymous says:

    My only complaint is that I really want to see more of the Mane cast, especially Applejack and Rainbow.Other than that, I've really enjoyed your writing.

  76. Malicin says:

    Excellent as always Midnight. I still really love your writing style :DLooking forward to chapter 9!

  77. Anonymous says:

    I've just started marathoning this story, and finally got to the (current) end. Gotta say, you've got great talent. The premise and execution is very enjoyable so far.Also, I think I caught a reference to one of my favorite shipping fics, which immediately made me go back and read that. That combination made my day somehow. I have to admit, the idea of Rainbow Dash and Gilda being nobility is actually really cool. Will you be exploring this later on, or was this just a throw away thing that I've decided to obsess on?I love that you cover so many of the characters from mlp, as well as those of your own, but I really wish you'd include the main characters a bit more. I don't know, I just feel like they've slowly become side characters in and of themselves :/That is my only real complaint however, and it's simply a matter of personal opinion. So please don't take anything I say the wrong way, I REALLY love this story.

  78. Midnight says:

    @AnonymousYeah, I needed to show Ponyville through a wide-angle lense for a while there, but in chapter 9 (I meant in chapter 8 but it kinda got away from me) we get back to the mane cast, albeit in a brave new world…

  79. This story really impresses me. I spent all night reading it. I tried to sleep when it got late, but I was just too excited about this story.I do wonder what happened to Fluttershy. Poor thing must be terrified.

  80. Anonymous says:

    how many chapters will there be because i only read finished fanfic

  81. Anonymous says:

    Oh man, I've been waiting for this one with bated breath! 😀

  82. Anonymous says:

    *reads chapter nine*CLIFFHANGER! I HATE YOU T_T

  83. Anonymous says:

    Weepy-Cry is such a cute animal.

  84. Midnight says:

    @Anonymousat this rate, 12 – but I could surprise myself.

  85. Dave says:

    This kept me up three and a half hours longer than necessary.Well done on writing a compelling story!

  86. Anonymous says:

    I love this story and im looking forward to the next part!

  87. Anonymous says:

    Would assume the elements of discord would be Deceit, Cruelty, Despair, Greed, Betrayal and Sorcery.

  88. Midnight says:

    @AnonymousJust about right – sourcery died though…well all we know is that 'Daybreak Glitter' "paid the price".

  89. Anonymous says:

    @Midnight I wonder, since Daybreak is the opposite of Twilight as far as I'm aware, could she be with Celeste's sister? Could she, unlike Twilight who trusts Celestia to no end, trust the Lunaria (sp?)? As Twi is 'evil' right now, perhaps Day is good?

  90. Anonymous says:

    I was reading chapter 6 when, just as crash and Dash take off,http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=195XntreoMcstarts playing.awesome, up to eleven!

  91. Anonymous says:

    yay for Weepy-Cry getting a new family and being named Willow I like that name if I ever have a daughter I would name her Willow. Cant wait to read chapter 10, 9 was such a cliff hanger.

  92. Anonymous says:

    yay for Weepy-Cry getting a new family and being named Willow I like that name if I ever have a daughter I would name her Willow. Cant wait to read chapter 10, 9 was such a cliff hanger.

  93. This is a great story; I can't wait for the next part! Weepy (cry) -> WillowI like what you did there!Also, the evil CMC freaked me out. I repeat, FREAKED ME OUT!

  94. This is a great story; I can't wait for the next part! Weepy (cry) -> WillowI like what you did there!Also, the evil CMC freaked me out. I repeat, FREAKED ME OUT!

  95. StylusPick says:

    nuuuuuu I want chapter 10 now D:

  96. StylusPick says:

    nuuuuuu I want chapter 10 now D:

  97. Damn, I just got the idea for a mirror universe story myself, except it was going to be more like Transformers Shattered Glass where literally everything is the opposite.I'll probably get to this fic at some point. It seems like an interesting read.

  98. Damn, I just got the idea for a mirror universe story myself, except it was going to be more like Transformers Shattered Glass where literally everything is the opposite.I'll probably get to this fic at some point. It seems like an interesting read.

  99. Midnight says:

    since it's missing from the description, the author of the side-story can be found here:http://relativeequinox.deviantart.com/edited with permission for your enjoyment!

  100. Midnight says:

    since it's missing from the description, the author of the side-story can be found here:http://relativeequinox.deviantart.com/edited with permission for your enjoyment!

  101. Anonymous says:

    Awww, poor Twist. It also sucks to know that Twilight Sparkle is aware of everything her body is doing. Anyways, that was an epic chapter, and I can't wait to see how everything plays out!

  102. Anonymous says:

    Awww, poor Twist. It also sucks to know that Twilight Sparkle is aware of everything her body is doing. Anyways, that was an epic chapter, and I can't wait to see how everything plays out!

  103. Anonymous says:

    I'm hooked on this fic. It's really intense.

  104. Anonymous says:

    I'm hooked on this fic. It's really intense.

  105. Anonymous says:

    Now you have my full attention, author.Awaiting for more chapters.

  106. Anonymous says:

    Now you have my full attention, author.Awaiting for more chapters.

  107. Anonymous says:

    This is a really good story. Although I think it needs a grimdark tag on the main story. It's *very* dark, especially in later chapters.*spoilers* I was very confused with chapter 10- I think you should make it a little more clear what lunaria was planning to do; when derpy made her speech I thought she was referring to bearing the element of kindness so she seemed like she was contradicting herself. I Re read that section over and over but it only made any sense in hindsight *End spoilers*Also, evil Twilight is really sickening, just completely debased but cunning and beautiful at the same time. I'd say nuke her, everything nearby and be damned with the consequences, but I fear that probably would just make her stronger…

  108. Anonymous says:

    This is a really good story. Although I think it needs a grimdark tag on the main story. It's *very* dark, especially in later chapters.*spoilers* I was very confused with chapter 10- I think you should make it a little more clear what lunaria was planning to do; when derpy made her speech I thought she was referring to bearing the element of kindness so she seemed like she was contradicting herself. I Re read that section over and over but it only made any sense in hindsight *End spoilers*Also, evil Twilight is really sickening, just completely debased but cunning and beautiful at the same time. I'd say nuke her, everything nearby and be damned with the consequences, but I fear that probably would just make her stronger…

  109. Anonymous says:

    First fanfic I bothered to read, and still my favorite. Keep it up!

  110. Anonymous says:

    First fanfic I bothered to read, and still my favorite. Keep it up!

  111. Anonymous says:

    I'm sorry, up till 9, i was hooked. But here at chapter 10, you lost me.The story seems to jump around way to fast, nothing was expanded on. It was this happend, then this, then this, oh look at that, oh that happend.Flesh it out, make it as epic as 1-9 and It'll be right as rain, but till then, you have lost me.

  112. Anonymous says:

    Geez why isn't this labeled grimdark?! So far we have hellish undead hordes, graphic descriptions of gutted half-dead ponies with their entrails splayed out on the ground, griffons killing and eating ponies(not neccessarilly in THAT ORDER), blatant sex references, the confirmed deaths of thousands, self-mutilation, and one instance of an important side character being vaporised and her shadow being burned into the side of Luna's old castle.If all that crap doesn't warrant Grimdark, I don't know what does.

  113. Yuri says:

    Damn, Twister got a pretty good deal from someone like TD!

  114. Yuri says:

    Damn, Twister got a pretty good deal from someone like TD!

  115. Midnight says:

    @Anonymouspoint taken and admonishment noted. I'll have a bigger, better, badder episode for you next time and hope you return for more.and as for the comment below yours…yeah, maybe grimdark is needed. A lot of this essentially happens off screen which in my mind is the difference between the US rating of 15 and NC-17, so I've been striving to keep it below the grimdark threshold….wait, blatant sex references? I must have tossed a few in and forgotten about them 😀

  116. Midnight says:

    @Anonymouspoint taken and admonishment noted. I'll have a bigger, better, badder episode for you next time and hope you return for more.and as for the comment below yours…yeah, maybe grimdark is needed. A lot of this essentially happens off screen which in my mind is the difference between the US rating of 15 and NC-17, so I've been striving to keep it below the grimdark threshold….wait, blatant sex references? I must have tossed a few in and forgotten about them 😀

  117. Anonymous says:

    I'm a tad speechless. I'll just leave it at the word epic. Possibly capitalized? EPIC. Much better.

  118. Anonymous says:

    I'm a tad speechless. I'll just leave it at the word epic. Possibly capitalized? EPIC. Much better.

  119. Anonymous says:

    @AnonymousJust another normal day in Equestria.

  120. Anonymous says:

    @AnonymousJust another normal day in Equestria.

  121. Nova25 says:

    I think this story dates from when there was no ''Grimdark'' tag…This story -REQUIRE- a Grimdark Tag.

  122. Nova25 says:

    I think this story dates from when there was no ''Grimdark'' tag…This story -REQUIRE- a Grimdark Tag.

  123. Anonymous says:

    Bwahaha…..try listening to a few of the more threatening Mulan OST soundtracks while reading this….they fit surprisingly well 😀

  124. Anonymous says:

    Bwahaha…..try listening to a few of the more threatening Mulan OST soundtracks while reading this….they fit surprisingly well 😀

  125. Anonymous says:

    Meh, I hate to be that guy, but there are just a couple things that just kinda bug me in this. The plot (especially the 6-month gap) seems kind of weak. Secondly, the dialogue just doesn't seem to really work with the characters too well. I just feel as if I'm hearing Luna/every other pony as Aragorn from LOTR. Maybe I'm just nitpicking, but these are just killing my ability to enjoy this. Am I the only one?I will say there were a couple of really good ideas and well executed points in the story as well. Pinkie Pie is still really enjoyable (caffeine crazed superpony), and I thought what was done with making Gilda and Rainbow Dash into nobility was a nice touch. Not so sure how I feel about this Lunarian Republic thing though. I know "For the New Lunar Republic" was a great song, but incorporating it into the story when the ruler is a monarch just seems to make it a "Fan Wank" moment.

  126. Anonymous says:

    Meh, I hate to be that guy, but there are just a couple things that just kinda bug me in this. The plot (especially the 6-month gap) seems kind of weak. Secondly, the dialogue just doesn't seem to really work with the characters too well. I just feel as if I'm hearing Luna/every other pony as Aragorn from LOTR. Maybe I'm just nitpicking, but these are just killing my ability to enjoy this. Am I the only one?I will say there were a couple of really good ideas and well executed points in the story as well. Pinkie Pie is still really enjoyable (caffeine crazed superpony), and I thought what was done with making Gilda and Rainbow Dash into nobility was a nice touch. Not so sure how I feel about this Lunarian Republic thing though. I know "For the New Lunar Republic" was a great song, but incorporating it into the story when the ruler is a monarch just seems to make it a "Fan Wank" moment.

  127. Midnight says:

    @AnonymousI haven't actually heard that song!If it makes you feel any better, this section is really top-heavy with dialogue and it was personally hard to write.Lunaria (I actually hate that name, should have gone with Selene, and I might update all episodes to that) is your customary "good" dictator and would rule how Celestia does Equestria.Sorry if the six-month displacement doesn't work for you, it's what happened.

  128. Midnight says:

    @AnonymousI haven't actually heard that song!If it makes you feel any better, this section is really top-heavy with dialogue and it was personally hard to write.Lunaria (I actually hate that name, should have gone with Selene, and I might update all episodes to that) is your customary "good" dictator and would rule how Celestia does Equestria.Sorry if the six-month displacement doesn't work for you, it's what happened.

  129. Copper Hoof says:

    I started reading this before I went to sleep, the darker tone matched with Pinkie Pie's constant positive attitude sold it for me, and then I went to sleep 3 hours later. :PGreat work, I happily look forward to more!

  130. lambpasty says:

    @MidnightAnonymous said… "Any plans to continue this?"This! I'm loving this story and am going crazy waiting for the ending! 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s